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@CC bring us suya peppee when ur coming o. I for say suya but dont want custom dogs to harass you at Heathrow

Seen your reply.Thank you.

New mail Midas shipping

Oga R231 youv got mail.

Still on the root cause, Nashville really nailed it and got where I was coming from.This thread I know is titled abuses wives and girlfriends so sorry if I keep going onto other forms of abuse in other relatiobships.

Alot of people mistake fear for respect.In our society, we sometimes believe a person has to fear you to respect you.Yeah I agree that in the parent child relationship there should be a certain element of healthy (I can't even say what adjective to use as I dont want to use fear) ok reverence.But in alot of relationships people instill fear and that translates to respect.

As a child I was never scared of my Dad but I respected him.Meanwhile my mum, even the sound of her her car horn can make you pee on yourself.It probably yielded a bit of a result but looking back now I was scared of her reactions to stuff but I genuinely never wanted to disappoint my Dad.f.Eg before I do a rebellious thing I say to myself if mummy finds out am dead but if daddy finds out he will be so disappointed.

As I keep saying, thank God for my Dad.When I got married I used to say I would never be like my mum.But my first year of marriage was tedious cos subconsciously I had imbibed some of my mums caustic and antagonistic attitude to resolving issues.I was so quick to say hurtful stuff even though as soon as I said them i would regret it.Thank God my husband was patient with me (I am.not saying he had the excuse to resort to violence).But it took.a conscious effort and maybe because I have my Dads calm spirit to realise this is not right.Caution your words, you dont have to go on and on to prove your point.What I wont take I say quietly pls dont you ever try that with me again, I dont like it and I wont take it.Simple.

Again, mindset change is needed with the next generation.Respect is earned not forced.Some of these men believe they have to be harsh and feared to command respect in their homes.

Sorry to deviate a bit, but even I that I smack my kids (very rarely if i may add and is often smack not beat) I am beggining to question the rationale behind resorting to violence to settle issues.

I have absolutely no grudges against my mum but Gosh that woman gave me some beatings (there was one occassion she poured hot ogi over me cos I lied ).Midnight with wooden sticks, shoes I had swollen faces and actual scars that are still on my body at the moment. Sometimes i would actually not be able to go to school the next day.Thank God for my Dad who often rescued me from her(most of those beatings were when he was not home) but she really actually thought she was molding me to a better person.I opened a thread a while back about fear in parenting and alot of people thought you need a certain element of fear to raise kids.

I ask alot of questions but I am thinking (not excusing abuse it's a despicable act) maybe we need to kinda move away from verbal and physical abuse being our next point of call when things are not going the way we feel they should.Thank God for my Dad and I love my mum BUT if my Dad was like her, I probably would feel always fighting back with words and fists is the way to go.I and my sister coped with her but she and my brother are really not on good terms cos he really cant handle her verbal onslaughts.

I think we need to teach our kids (sons and daughters) both by actions and instructions that lashing out at people cos they do not conform to your expectations ( which is the reason some animals beat their spouses eg She knows I dont eat cold food she served me cold food like his hand is broken to warm the food SMH) is really not the way to go.

Very nice points...My Dad believed in every single one of those points and he seemed absurd to people at the time .

Esp about the equal to men bit though to be honest some of his behaviours like being absolutely hopeless in the kitchen and chores thereby meaning mum, helps or we the kids did all domestic chores seem kinda contradictory looking back

As has been said our boys also need to be included in all these life manual lessons.

As an aside jidegirl trust you to bolden point 2 and Dayokanu to say point 2 is the most important U people like money too much joor.Point 7 kinda encapsulates point 2 and so many other things, if you want something you work towards it (and my own is not just financial gains oh ) No one owes you anything in this life, if they help fine but if not get off your butt and at least try to do it yourself.

Hello everybody.......Peace of The Lord
Have a blessed day everyone

ThaProphet: Pregnancy is not an illness. It is funny and annoying when women all of a sudden "act" ill when they are pregnant and stop doing what they used to do. Most times, they relax while their husbands do everything for them while they just sit around and get fat.

If you sit around and stop being active cos you're pregnant, it is possible you have more complications while giving birth. Your muscles have been in relax mode for 7 months straight, no exercise or nothing. That cannot be healthy.

Secondly, by the time you give birth, you will be uglier. All the fat will get into your face, legs, arms, neck, fingers and most importantly, your belly. You will end up looking like Papa Ajasco. Then you will complain when your husband does not find you sexy anymore.

You've got to be active while pregnant. I know of at least 2 women who continued their normal lifestyle during pregnancy. One who did not take her maternity leave until 8 months into the pregnancy. The result: healthy women, safe delivery and healthy babies.

This case however, I find a bit extreme but being a crossfit member (these guys don't play), I am sure she is more than used to it. Who knows? Maybe she used to lift heavier weights before. As long as she is not unusually (doing things she's not used to doing) stressing herself, she should be safe. Not sure about 2 weeks to delivery though but I guess she knows better being a mother of 2 already.

"Act ill' SMH .I know for sure if men were the one who carried babies, the earth's population would have declined by now


No one is saying dont exercise while pregnant in short its very highly recommended as it not only helps you keep fit it makes it easy for you to endure labour.The point is some women are too ill to exercise. Am too lazy to google the name of the condition but if some women are not on bed rest its likely they lose the baby.There are sooo many health complications that arise from pregnancy eg i for one had never had low blood pressure in my life, pre eclampsia(very deadly women DIE from this you know).So pls women dont 'act ill', sometimes they really are.

Her body is used to the lifting so its ok for her, not advisable for a pregnant woman whose body is not used to it.That said as someone else has noted I doubt if she could try that the in 1st trimester.Doctors recommend very light exercise for the first 12 weeks.


As an aside is it not funny that MEN who can never have pregnancy symptoms are the ones quick to say'pregnancy is not a disease' Different women react to different pregnancies in different ways.I had friends who were on bed rest right from the first trimester, one was even technically always on the bed just to keep the baby and even had to resign from her job..I think I worked 10 days till I had my daughter and walked like 3 miles the day I fell into labour.I was so strong, rarely threw up and never spat.My 2nd pregnancy was soo horrible cos I was as sick as a dog. I stopped work in the 7th month cos I could not cope.I had low blood pressure, my iron levels were perpetually low, I had migraines, pelvic pains etc.It was horrible and I just hated the fact that my body did not feel like my own.

So because this woman is lifting weights, it does not make women who may legitimately be ill lazy cows

yellowpawpaw: One of the reasons I envy u guys outside. I prefer giving things to charity than church. Have my reasons cos I worked in welfare dept of my church one time.
I just lv humanitarian work.
I pray to relax with such at older age after retirement. Nothing gives me joy like that.
Maybe,just maybe one day.........

Good to see you are feeling better YPP, those stomach bugs are so horrible.God pass them jo

Amen to your hearts desires, may it come to pass.I love humanitarian work, its something I feel so strongly led to do.So these days that I have a lil more (lil o ) time on my hands I try to volunteer for local causes.I am particularly interested in the youth 14-17 or even 18.That stage of life is such as an essential one and sometimes these period is what sometimes makes or breaks an individual's future.Esp here with gangs, teenage pregnancy etc.Let me stop rambling jo it is well.

Hello all...Happy Saturday o.Hope we all have peaceful chilled weekends

Jidegirl ma ba e ja (I go fight you o) which one come be adoption, why was my appreciation not for something posh like styling you with those Hermes Birkins and Manolo Blahniks eh so ara e o (take your time o)

Happy birthday to Oga R231 many more years in Gods glory

YPP get well soon o.Fluids help with tummy bugs.Water esp.

Taryour hope ur sleeping o, make sure you sleep when you can.The only part I hate when you have a newborn is night feeds grrrr so tiring.

Royal roy I sent you a PM did you get it?.This NL pm thing and me are not friends.

Off to sort the laundry and do a massive clear out for the charity shops/mission where i volunteer.I have so many barely worn summer clothes for my kids as well autumn/winter gear they have outgrown.I know a lady whose kids are younger than mine but I dont think we are close enough for me to offer them to her.You know some people get offended by things like that.Or what do you think? Should I offer her? Even in my church but some people are funny about stuff like that so let me jejely give it to charity.

My Son gets stuff (she buys high end top quality stuff) from his cousin(my SIL) son.A friend was like why? That dont I know she can use it against me in future
Like WTH.We can afford to buy clothes for our kids but why should I waste money to buy shoes esp toddler shoes as they rarely get much wear as they dont walk much anyway when his cousin has passed some nice barely worn ones down? Oh well diff strokes.

dominique: Very engrossing and eye opening thread. Once some men see the meekness in their women, they take advantage offer it to lord over them and make them feel worthless at the same time. Our cultures demand for women to be submissive, some men mistake it for subservient and enslavery. Some people saying the abusers are treating their wives that way do so because the women are not working and bringing something to the table. That's a very wrong assertion, an abusive man will always be abusive even if the wife brings more to the table (as I've observed in more than one case).

Women really need to see the worth in themselves else they will continue to be at the receiving end. I know what I'm saying. I'm married to a very (should I say) unstable tempered man with violent tendencies but I'm always ready to put him in his place when his 'brain touch' starts. Situations that are would have otherwise been a joke would be twisted and turned to something else. Sometimes I keep mute and let him have his way (to massage his ego, not like I'm paying much attention to what he's saying anyways ). Other times I reply and put him in his place asap, I'm not a door mat you can walk all-over and dust your feet on o. He used to call can report him to his family (he prolly had the nollywood notion that husband's family mistreats the wife). But they hardly support him, they just tell him to exercise patience and me to be more submissive (yeah right ). Nowadays, he has gotten less aggressive (to me and his sibblings) and the friction between us is much less. I have a feeling my standing-up to him at some point or the other has played a huge role in this turn-around.

@Abused Women, learn to stand up to yourselves. Every morning, look into your mirror and tell yourselves 'I AM BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL and. WORTH MORE THAN GOLD and DIAMONDS'. From there, the courage to stand up and FIGHT for your happiness will come naturally. My thoughts and prayers goes out to you, you shall overcome this by God's special grace ((((hugs)))).

Word.Abusive partners(cos women too can be abusive) like bullies tend to prey on people who they perceive are weaker than they are.In as much as I dont endorse violence but sometimes the day you display were or fight back is the day it stops.

By nature I am not predisposed to violence, I dont even like tension, bickering and the likes.Alot of people sometimes percieve it as o she is weak (my husband says am too nice or soft) BUT people I have shown my other side to come away in shock.I play the devils advocate and would even make excuses for your inadequacies but the day I intend to stand up to you uhhm God help that person.I remember the slap I gave one girl in secondary school (first and last time I was in a physical altercation) everyone kept looking at me for days cos that was def not something they expected from easy going dami .The thing is ontop my reaction people will always take my side on the few times I have over reacted cos they know I must have been pushed.I cant say for sure what I would do if my husband emotional or physically abused me (cos not experiencing it) but I know I wouldv fought back and him sef go fear say which kain Dr Jekyll be dis.Am praying though for the Grace not to over react even in the worst of provocations.

In some cases (not all o cos some people are just blood thirsty animals) the day you give back a dose of their medicine in equal or larger portions is the day it ends.

It is well with all those who are burdened or heavy laden at the moment.God grant you the serenity you sooo need at the lowest points and the Grace to have the strength to move on.

tunapa2009: Hope this is not desert encroachment... Where is CC, YPP, Duffie, damisol, Sissie, RR, R231, bellong, cdamsel... Am missing you all...

Life just catches up jare...hello everyone. Hope we all have a relaxing chilled weekend.

Awwww Thank you all. May reasons for celebration not cease in our households by His Grace.I will be sure to send everyone's e-cake.

Funny enough my son too is actually 18 months old today as they are both 19th (march and sept).Been awake since 6 blowing up balloons for a party with just 3 guests. .She got the bicycle she wanted and said thank you mummy and daddy you are the best (so hearwarming ).Like jidegirl said am still in awe that a 4 yr old will actually know what she wants and ask for it

Hello fun room......Good night.

Tomorrow is lil madams birthday so I better get some sleep cos only God wont let her wake us up at 4am .I guess this is her first birthday where she is actually really really aware of what birthdays are.So the excitement no get part 2.

Some people are just touchy (I know a few).I know its hard but OP try not to always take all her actions to heart.Do your best to help and just ignore her if its not to her satisfaction.As I have said in similar threads, respect her because you are respecting your brother, but learn(hard I know and might not suit all personalities but you can try) to not take all her actions to heart.Its for your own peace of mind.

What I realise is you free yourself and add more wahala (cos they are now carrying extra grudges ) to someone who wants to fight you and you dont rise up to it .Believe me its an empowering feeling.

@CC abi o .On the days am not in school, running errands, school run and taking care of the kids I would give an arm to go back to those days when I had a 1 hr train ride each way all by myself with my own thoughts,my lunch breaks and breakfasts with friends (these days my only breakfast is a bannana cos it fast to eat on the go).

Honestly I am more tired when I crawl into bed than when I actually worked full time.Though I admit I have so many more things calling for my attention now.But staying home with young kids (diff from kids already in school)esp when you are not generally an idle person is soooo hard.As much as I love the time spent with my kids (God forgive me ) I treasure my time in class away from them.

[quote author=jidegirl12]Hmmm I'm thinking Jamie Oliver got the big school hot lunch contract? Lucky y'all

Anything except JO or Ramsey is a no no.[/quote)


Dont think so, jamie oliver is just a champion for healthy school meals cos some parents feed their kids junk.His argument is at least one hot healthy meal a day is better than none.Dont really buy it though cos am thinking so these kids dont deserve healthy hot meals at the weekends or while on holidays.But that's maybe cos I feed my kids properly so he may have a point as half bread is better than none.

Most kids I know over 7 hate school dinners anyway, for some odd reason they prefer packed lunches

Awww praise God.....May He be a blessing to you and his generation.Rest well o, you deserve it.

Send it to me .

Just joking...add it to whatever savings for the kids. £80x 12 is £960.That is still a nice extra amount to go into a Children's Cash ISA.Just pretend ur still paying for the meals

Audrey I: @topic: As incredible as it sounds(and I know this sounds far fetched) but, my daughter will be starting in at Nursery 1 on Monday and she writes 1 - 200 on her own. She's 3. She can also do basic additions, subtractions and can write two and three letter words. Just like your son, she's also been taught basic sentence construction. So your son's school is not over doing it.

While I understand your concerns about your child developing at a reasonable pace, I still feel you should be proud of him and the school, especially if he's recieving a well rounded education that includes mental, physical, social and moral developement.

Truth is, we live in a highly competitive world, and it isn't too early to begin to equip your child with much needed education, especially in this era where most employers operate a policy of 'the younger, the better.'

Now you want me to go kung fu on my daughter . (Just joking)

But seriously my daughter is going to be 4 on Thursday and just started writing 1 to 100 (which I think is more or less easy if you get 1-10 those other numbers are just combinations). I do alot of one on one work with her and i am very into her understanding the basis behind things and not just memorising.The whole phonics vs alphabet thing was strange to me at first(and maybe I confused the girl small sha ) but we eventually got the hang of it.

See people complaining of overdoing it, my daughter's teacher thinks am too pushy lol

Page 50 ...Hello all, hope you are all well and good.

With all the flirting going on this thread,this is not e- harmony naa .

Saw this on a bible plan I follow so thought to share here:


Depression can be experienced at many levels and for many different reasons. It’s rarely an easy thing to get out of depression. And, of course, there is a difference between being depressed and living in depression. Something may go differently than you had hoped and you feel depressed. But when your choices and your life begin to look different because of the negative feelings you have inside, then you are facing depression.

Depression is the fruit of something deeper. You shouldn't feel ashamed about your feelings, but you must know that God desires something better for you. He wants to comfort you and restore you to a life of joy. Get quiet before God and let Him be your counselor.

Nice thread.I really am not too good with posting and responding with all the posters who need encouragement one on one but il just say this:

Life will always have ups and downs, but know if only we (myself included) just learn to take each day at a time, it would make things so much less complicated.Alot of our worries stem from the past and the future. I apologise for bringing faith into it because I don't want to be preaching at people but unfortunately that's the only thing that I can actually relate to that helps me when am down.

Psalm 46:10 a says'Be still and know that I am God' really ministers to me in times of trouble cos it just encourages to slow down.Slowing down sometimes just makes us see that thing we think is hopeless might not be so afterall.I even think that's the premise of yoga which is just calming down and trying to focus on something else other than that issue which might seem insurmountable.


That said sometimes depression goes further than words and you might actually need to see or speak to a professional. Unfortunately mental health(except of course outright insanity) is something that is seen as not real where we come from and so many people just suffer in silence.

Pattey: Exactly! Nigerians know when to pull the plugs off the brains of silly brats like yourself

and do I also need to remind you that unlike your western role models;

Nigerian kids don't bully their mates till they commit suicide,

Nigerian kids don't practice the kind of insane bullying that creates social maniacs in the western world

Nigerian kids don't develop psychopathic tendencies because of emotional destabilization caused by their morally derelict peers, in other cases; unbalanced parenting skills. Examples are those fellows that go on shooting sprees

Nigerian kids don't carry their parents guns and blowing off school mates,

Nigerian kids don't practice karate with their toddler sibling until he/she dies,

Nigerian kids are raised to know the limits and those who fail to demonstrate good upbringing either simply refused to be of good conduct OR their parents were the outright failure.

The choice is yours

I hate arguing back and forth online (life is stressful enough as it is) so my last response to you.

Smack your child if you want (that's if you have children) its best left to every parent how to raise their children.My point was using smacking as a yardstick for the moral uprightness of Nigerian children is just laughable.I know we pretend to be holy and all but I certainly would not give Nigeria the award for the most morally upright nation on earth.

Morals means different things to different people though so whatever na you know.And as for that your epistle up there, I don't know what bullying can be worse than telling a junior to crawl on a granite floor till their knees bled(one of the reasons I became a day student in JSS1)

Goodnight and have a good week ahead.

Pattey: do you have a problem with reading OR with comprehension? whichever is a challenge for you, please find some good Samaritan close to you so he/she will break it down for you; your're apparently no different from the two-year olds we are talking about.

A very good example of how courteous and well mannered Nigerians are

Happy Sunday All.Just got in and am absolutely knack erred.Curled up on my bed trying to see if I can just laze around while Oga deals with his offspring.I love Sundays cos no cooking.Its like an unspoken rule.

Pattey: Folks, please drop the 'terrible two' and other Oyinbo coined-up theories. Yes, they may seem true about our kids BUT we should note something important;

The western world has the highest number of morally inept, manner lacking, non-courteous, outright spoilt silly brats on earth. The reason for this is simple. The rod has been spared and the kids have been spoilt.

Now, this is not an automatic endorsement for spanking kids. No. A parent SHOULD NEVER spank any kid out of temper, it should be OUT OF LOVE.

Spanking a kid should be an entirely corrective measure and not one meant to sooth your temper.

If there are other ways such as distracting the child, going into a rough play session where he/she ends up laughing hysterically, then Fine!
Or just ignore the child until he/she comes back to his/her senses - which is my personal favourite though, PROVIDED he/she is not being noisy with the tantrums.

But we should also note that regardless of the other non-spanking tactics, some kids are just potential OGBANJEs, and those two/three lashes (not with anger of course) are the only functional reset buttons.

I love kids, and it breaks my heart to see em spanked. But when all psychological ways to placate fails, the child must not be left to get ROTTEN.

One last thing about the OP and those judging her 'intent'. Before you judge, make sure you've experienced something b4 or @least, Imagine it. Some kids could be sooooo annoying in public you'll wish you could assist their parents with the spanking. Trust me, many of 'those sympathizers' are actually waiting 4U to initiate that reset button.

All the sorry they say afterwards is more like; sorry kid, but serves you right for not getting it together fast enough.

Pattey: Folks, please drop the 'terrible two' and other Oyinbo coined-up theories. Yes, they may seem true about our kids BUT we should note something important;

The western world has the highest number of morally inept, manner lacking, non-courteous, outright spoilt silly brats on earth. The reason for this is simple. The rod has been spared and the kids have been spoilt.

Now, this is not an automatic endorsement for spanking kids. No. A parent SHOULD NEVER spank any kid out of temper, it should be OUT OF LOVE.

Spanking a kid should be an entirely corrective measure and not one meant to sooth your temper.

If there are other ways such as distracting the child, going into a rough play session where he/she ends up laughing hysterically, then Fine!
Or just ignore the child until he/she comes back to his/her senses - which is my personal favourite though, PROVIDED he/she is not being noisy with the tantrums.

But we should also note that regardless of the other non-spanking tactics, some kids are just potential OGBANJEs, and those two/three lashes (not with anger of course) are the only functional reset buttons.

I love kids, and it breaks my heart to see em spanked. But when all psychological ways to placate fails, the child must not be left to get ROTTEN.

One last thing about the OP and those judging her 'intent'. Before you judge, make sure you've experienced something b4 or @least, Imagine it. Some kids could be sooooo annoying in public you'll wish you could assist their parents with the spanking. Trust me, many of 'those sympathizers' are actually waiting 4U to initiate that reset button.

All the sorry they say afterwards is more like; sorry kid, but serves you right for not getting it together fast enough.

Really so Nigeria where kids are spanked has the most morally upright people(kids grow up to be adults don't they) in the world.I laugh in spanish.lets just leave it at different methods for different kids(I smack my kids if need be so am not doing oyinbo nothing).But if we are to look at the result so I.e. adults of both methods (Nigeria where spanking is the default discpline method or the west where communication is key besides oyinbos too smack their kids so I don't get all this oyinbo talk) I know which I will choose.

Efemena_xy: Dami, I've been weeping! (literally)

Called up hubby on the phone that night - he thought something terrible had happened. Funny thing is, he understood my upset and was like, "don't worry, it won't happen to our boys..."

For goodness sake, the boy was just 12! I guess it touched me so much 'cos one of my boys is of the same age too. Oh Dami, I think I need a shrink! It's soooooo painful. I was actually tripping for Duschane until that bit!

Did you see the bit where Michael nearly called up the police 'cos he was scared? And then decided against it? He was so smitten with Duschane and the crew, and he ended up loosing his life to save Duschane's

I hope watching X-Factor tonight will help take that scene off my mind jare. So you watched season 1? I didn't. Read it was a blast...

I think those stories touch you more when you have kids that age.My husband was laughing at me(we watch it together) cos I was literarily praying, ,binding and casting out demons from my kids and all the teenagers I know.My husband said did I not notice that those gangs prey on vulnerable kids who had no other strong male role models to look up to.It really is a mirror (if a tad bit over dramatic but hey its meant to be entertaining)into a part of society we might not really know about.

Speaking of which, my sky+ box is almost full.I have the full season of The Americans, Blue Bloods, lots of Rookie Blue, House of Lies, Ray Donovan in short loads of series to watch . This adult education thing is annoying joor

Efemena_xy: Your daughter tried o!

I can't sit for single plaits! And taking them off??

Once upon a time, hubby used to help me take them off, relax my hair with the Dark and Lovely kit (yep, he did o!)...then help me wash and condition the whole thing. He was (and still is) sooooooooooooo hands on!

But these days, who get time? With the rat-race to earn? So na saloon things. If I ever do single plaits / braids, I'll pay the extra £10 to get it taken out quickly at the saloon jare.



I love your style jare.

But replace amala with pounded yam and Judge Judy with Nikita.

Oh CC and Dami, did you girls watch the gritty Channel 4 series Top Boy?

Top cast especially the lead actors! Gosh, I am a fan o! but the ending of the last episode

I've been so traumatised, I almost look at any black youth sporting hoodies with suspicion

I looove it, been recording it and watched season 1 on 4OD.I cant stand the swearing though.I actually cried at the end of the last episode where Michael died.Soo sad.And to think Dashaun boys wanted to take care of the poor boy.

jidegirl12:
To sniff roses and sip tea? Choi @CC

Abi that is such an English destination
English as in English people