₦airaland Forum

jennykadry: You enjoying torturing your family 45mins -1 hour wait? What happens when yous are traveling to other developed countries??I know the red passport carriers are eligible for the visa waiver program in some countries, so what happens with you? You apply for visa ? I did that a few times until hubby got mad

Yeah I apply for visa though some EU countries waive visas when travelling with the whole family.That alone is the only thing I see that having a red passport gives over my green one.To me its just a document.Everyone harasses me about it,ehen have you gotten your red passport yet when I say no some people want to faint .after all this years.My friend is counting down to the day he and his family are eligible for naturalisation .To me its no biggie abi dem dey share money with red kpali ni.You still have to work hard to prove yourself and succeed.Ease of travel, yes apart from that all na demo.My place of birth will always be Lagos.

Besides sef, citizenship get different levels, I remember my husband got screened off from applying for a high security clearance job cos none of his parents were british.And he was born here in the 70's.So to me all the citizenship thing is no big deal. Some people take the whole citizenship thing to a whole new level sha.

Neither flaunt or hide.Its a passport I.e document that you use for travelling.That said I am the only who still uses a Nigerian passport in my house (keep procrastinating on doing my naturalisation.am just not bothered except dem go give me 1M pounds with the red kpali ) but my hubby is on my case that its embarrasing and annoying for them to have cleared immigration and customs and still be waiting for me. :DThese waits are like 40 mins to 1 hr.They have said no more travelling with me if I dont do my red passport.

THAT is the only reason I would get my naturalisation done.If not am not fussed.I can do most things with my ILR anyway

justirich: Grown children in China must visit
their parents or potentially face fines
or jail, a new law that came into
effect on Monday says. China's new "Elderly Rights Law" deals
with the growing problem of lonely
elderly people by ordering adult
children to visit their ageing parents. The law says adults should care about
their parents "spiritual needs" and
"never neglect or snub elderly people". The regulation has been ridiculed by
tens of thousands of Chinese web users. Many across China are questioning how
the law could be enforced, since it fails
to spell out a detailed schedule
dictating the frequency with which
children should make parental house
calls. "Those who live far away from parents
should go home often," it says. However, that does not mean the law is
toothless. Instead, it serves as an "educational
message" to the public, while also
serving as a starting point for law suits,
explained Zhang Yan Feng, a lawyer
with Beijing's King & Capital Law Firm. "It's hard to put this law into practice,
but not impossible," Mr Zhang
explained. "If a case is brought to court on the
basis of this law, I think it'll probably
end up in a peaceful settlement. But if
no settlement is reached, technically
speaking, court rulings can force the
person to visit home certain times a month." "If this person disobeys court rulings, he
could be fined or detained." 'Spontaneous emotions' But few in China seem to fear they will
end up behind bars if they fail to log
visits home. "Who doesn't want to visit home
often? What is considered "often"? Who
will oversee the process?" complained
one poster on weibo, China's version of
Twitter. "We all know to cherish our elderly
parents, but sometimes we are just too
busy trying to make a living and the
pressure is too much." "It's fine that no-one is paying for us to
visit our parents, but is there someone
who can give us time off to do it?"
asked another. The question of how to deal with
ageing parents is a mounting problem
in China. According to Chinese government
statistics, more than 178 million people
in China were 60 years or older in 2010.
By 2030, that figure will double. As China's population goes grey, the
Chinese media fills with stories of
neglected old people. Many were shocked by the story of a
91-year-old grandmother who was
beaten and forced out of her home in
China's southern Jiangsu province after
she asked her daughter-in-law for a
bowl of rice porridge. Two days later, internet forums were
filled with a similar story of farmers in
the same province who allowed their
family's 100-year-old matriarch to sleep
in a pig sty, sharing close quarters with
a pungent pig. But those stories have not lead most
people to support the new Elderly
Rights Law. "Family bonds should be based on
spontaneous emotions," argued one
weibo user. "It's funny to make it part of a law; it's
like requiring couples to have a
harmonious sex life after marriage."
http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-23124345

@bolded, exactly.This chinko people and laws fir everything.

6 years is not even long for people who dated from Uni Not saying its the case in OP case but 4 years uni, 1 year nysc, 1 year where you might not have even found a job does not seem that strange to me Abi people cant marry their mates again ni? My mum and Dad dated since their A levels so it was about that time frame.And they were married for over 30 yrs before his death.


Congrats dear, may the Lord bless your union.

chaircover: the truth of the matter is that many people are married to strangers. Some men are in this kind of bondage, but there are more women than men that this happens to.

They are married to men who are emotionally much stronger than them and men who dont really value the relationship as much as they do and little by little the little voice they have is eroded way until they have no voice at all.

Many many women know deep down before they say “I do” that this isn’t the right man for them, but they still let them self be pushed along by society, parents and friends who tell them to “grab the man now ooooo before someone else grabs him”

Many naively think that once the ring goes on they can change a dog to a cat. They are on to a long thing.

My question is how did these men get so hard and difficult? How can a man not see the indignity of his wife having to ask for offering money from him. My kids have pocket money and they take their church offering from that. If a kid can have pocket money, how much more a wife and a mother? . . and why doesn’t the wife who you have ordered to stay at home have access to your money?

this things you are seeing are just a result of bad and faulty foundations and sometimes it is almost impossible to fix them. Its too late for some people but hopefully some people who are about to set foot in a life time of bondage and heartache read these threads and learn from other peoples experiences. God help us all

BTW what if something happened to the man? How will the wife and children eat?

This CC is the real issue.This stay at home mum (like efe I hate the word housewife abi dont working mums live in houses too abi dem be carwife ) vs working mum thing has been rehashed and rehashed on NL that its getting boring to me.I dont like generalising but NL is beginning to make me feel that staying home or letting career take a backburner for (even for a few years like its done in the west) should be left for oyinbo suburban soccer mums .Its like its alien to our culture so there.For most Nigerians respect=earning power so its only rational that it must be extended to marriage.

Staying home does not mean you cant make money.So in cases like its the Men that have control issues.For this sort of men sef they even feel threatened if you have some sort of independence. THAT is the issue.Control fre.aks.So for me its a classic case of flawed character not necessarily the woman being lazy (like NL paints all stay at home mums).Cos why stop her from making money? These kind of people are the ones that even get angry that their wife bought something without their approval.

Single Ladies, esp in Naija shine ya eyes If he wants you to stay home pls question the motive.If possible (extreme I know) call meeting and sign document to say I will be paid xxxx amount directly to my bank account monthy so I dont have to be asking for money for pad etc.I need my dignity.

All that I typed up there na just back up, its better to thrash out why you must earn your owm money.If the reasons he is giving are odd (believe you will know, things like I cant stand another man bossing my wife around etc) just RUN

Why the generalisation naa? Yeah they are men who are not really hands on but to say Nigerian men like its a trait of ALL or most Nigerian men haba

Most of the men I know are Nigerian and you could not get more hands on fathers.My Dad drove me and everyone of my siblings to common entrance exams, jamb,etc and waited in the sun till the exams were over.He extended it to my registration in my University first year and I had to beg him to stop following me cos everyone was calling me Daddy's girl.He is no more but my best memories of him was how he was part of my life and not whether or not he paid my school fees.So no its not an african or black thing cos my Dad paid too much attention sef it could be considered stifling.
My husband is Nigerian and his own is more than my own.At work he is called 'My family comes first'.My daughter would prefer spending time with her dad than she would with me.He is such a loving hands on father that he wakes up like 3 times at night to go check on them that they are still tucked in.Left to me,they will freeze cos when I sleep I done sleep be that
I can give you like dozens more examples as well as also examples of the ones you described.

Me and my husband courted for a lil over 3 years but right from about month 6 I could see that he really wanted to take it to the next level.Subtle questions like Do you like Manchester ?(he used to live in Manchester), him calling my family just to say hello, meeting his siblings and his siblings calling to check up on me.As connoisseur said you just know that a relationship is going somewhere and MR never actually did the going down on one knee thing .He just took to me to choose the engagement ring after he told me one day I want to marry you, you are not my girlfriend I see in you thewoman I can plan my life with.

No flowers, no helicopter banner, no Empire state building ; ;DAra oko So unromantic.

I personally think no two relationahips are the same.I had friends who dated from when the guy was in Year 1 and she was in SS3, so dated for 12 yrs.We all used to wonder o ga o but I for one never make unnecessary jabs at people relationships but we had friends who told her to her face that she was a fool.They were waiting for them to be a lil stable and today they are married and still best of friends (to be honest they act like bro and sis sef).I personally could not have done that or had the patience but they knew where they were going.They are both my friends and the guy's mum is one of my mums closest friends so I kinda knew despite all doubts that they would marry.Another school of thought said he had to cos he know want curse after 12 yrs but na dem sabi.

There is no one size fits all for this thing, so my own opinions is know YOURSELF first, what you want and why you want to marry.Then gauge the relationship.You are in it so you can kinda know the direction its going in.My ex told my friends he wanted to marry me, his elder brothers said when should they come and dobale but me that I was in the relationship knew that we were 3 in the relationship so all he was doing was demo(long story).So know what you want and go for it.

yellowpawpaw: Hmmnnn...,interesting. Its not in my dictionary naw.at times I feel like bein a spinster again. They r seriously enjoyin o! Like today,I planned and planned so I will be free but for where!
Just feelin like a wet log.even to eat is wahala.
But my joy is it will pass.infact, I will get all of them one day and do them back what they r doin to me naw.
Tomoro,I said I will finally relax a bit for me to hear that I will hv august visitors! Enof cooking!Maybe I will just disapear into thin air!

Lol .Same here today I planned that by the time the kids sleep, and hubby is watching TV downstairs I would just sneak upstairs to have like one or two hrs to myself.For wia been on the phone to Nigeria for like an hr 30 mins now.Nice gisting and catching up but I thought it was meant to be ME time .
My friends esp the ones in Nigeria are like how come your kids sleep so early, they are shocked my baby sef sleeps at 8.I told them its for my sanity. If I am not strict about any other thing am strict about that one Mi ole wa ku, omo eyan kan lemi naa (I cant kill myself me too am someone pikin).

oyb: OP is commercialising the photos - you can see his company logo on each of the pics

in the west he could get in serious trouble for this - i believe its almost against the law to take pics of minors - [pedo watch and all that]

Yep people would call the police ASAP if they see a man clutching a camera aand taking pictures around where young kids are playing

People have been questioned by police just for clutching cameras around parks where kids play and they were not even taking pictures.If my daughter celebrates her birthday in school I cant even take pictures of the other kids except I get a written consent from.all the kids parents

vivianc: I guess This Thread is for wifeys and mothers.

This is the most scary parT of getting married (for me o): having a man around all the time, its fun I know but what keeps me going when I'm with a man is the mere thoughT that come so so day, I'd go back To my house.

Then The kids? I love them (provided they don't poo on me ), they are adorable, buT I jusT don't like the "screaming parT" so much, and the pampers, and puking on my face, and how your life changes when they sTarT coming. I used to babysit for my friend that was pregnant and sometimes I feel like sedaTing those kids so that every body would resT.

I waTched my mum gave birth to my 7 younger ones buT I never really understood what being a mother/wife means cos I was so young, buT having friends That are mothers/wives have really thought me a lot.

I don't know how I'm gonna do this, honestly I'm noT sure I'm ThaT strong, neiTher am I sure I have The patience, unless mom promises To come live with me to aTleasT take care of The kids' parT while I device a means of dealing wiTh the "always having a man around" part.

So to all The mothers in The house: big ups To you! You all are women of strengTh, you all are institution and we are learning from you. You deserve all The good things that are happening To you, and you sure as hell deserve a "me Time." So pls get iT!

Much respecT!

Thanks dear Dont worry if I can cope, anyone can definitely cope

Efemena_xy: Madness, redefined.

That is the mindset of a typical illiterate Nigerian .Not even Nigeria alone sef lets say of most 3rd world countries. Children are a retirement plan. Its not a bad concept in itself aa ee should indeed take care of our parents .But its flawed in the sense that it further encourage s poverty.Being responsible for other people is by no means cheap so if you can barely feed yourself how much more 9. Except in cases of extreme brilliance or lets say talent whereby one or two can help lift out the family from poverty, unfortunately the poverty cycle just continues.

On a lighter note if they could afford the kids,thats a good game of probability you havr there .Is true naa no be rockey science say at least one or two out of 9 go do am.For people like us wey be 3 its possible say all the three no go do

Happy friday.and end of the month to you all.I used to be excited around this time of month as it was salary thingz but has it has been shelved for a while to be a scholar wetin man go do .

This thread was inspired by Efemena's post in baba oyo's thread:

Ah[b]! Dem many o!I'm gonna have some quality 'me' time...~ Have a nice, relaxing soak in the bubble bath with Radox and Herbal Essence~ Order for a take-away. Too lazy to cook, besides it's Friday, so Friday tinz... ~ Touch up and give myself a good manicure and pedicure~ Place my feet up and catch up on all pre-recorded soppy soaps I've missed this week with a box of [/b]chocolates bowl of fruits ..

That up there would be my idea of blisss this friday night (I guess am getting old ).Dont get me wrong o I love spending time with my husband and family but sometimes I just want not to be a wife and mother for a couple of hours.You know how we say its good for couples to get away from the kids to rekindle romance.I also think ME time is essential for both partners just to indulge in what you like.

Me and my husband have similar tastes in Movies and Tv but sometimes I just want to watch some things he cant get.I want to go to the cinema to watch a movie he would rather not watch (I have actually done that twice before when I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was at nursery.My friends teased me to no end that only sad people go to the movies alone ).I want to go the spa alone not necessarily as part of a girly day out or anything.Nowadays when my husband takes the kids off me that time is usef to study or do business.And not just me, I sometimes think to myself does this man not want to hang out with the boys sometimes ni .Or just by himself once in a while?All the hanging out we seem to do these days is always couples somethings or both of us.Splendid I say but sometimes I just want to be alone.Its strange I know but in a odd way i used to enjoy those out of town trainings with just me myself and I in a Premier inn hotel room switching channels or watching movies on my laptop.I must add though that the novelty often wore off by the 3rd night and I would be missing my peeps like crazy


So my pipu especially the ladies, dont you all sometimes wish for 24 to 48 hrs of no kids, no husband no responsibilities or I am just a wierdo?

Trying to study when the whole family is asleep Adult education no be it at all.

6 is faaaaaar too young to be carrying gender issues this far.How are they sure it was not just a phase? My brother is an only boy and I think he played with dolls till he was about 5.Oyinbo and political correctness.I sure would not want my daughter sharing the same toilet cos he is a boy.

To be able to properly say am transgender, I feel they should go through puberty (my thoughts though.I have heard from pro LBGT groups that the hormone and s.ex change is more complex after puberty).At least by then to some level (still young to me) they are more aware of who they are

I now see why we should have listened to JK and Osisi. Real tales by Nollywood.

Africaland ko, cedi ocean ni

Anyway thank you for giving us opportunity yo discuss the differences between adoption and surrogacy, might have helped some other more serious minded person.

dayokanu: Naija men have nothing to prove, they have married lower level women regularly,

I needed you as an example of a Naija woman to marry some of those bricklayers with rippling muscles and 6 packs

Sorry too late .
But you must agree that most naija men are intimidated by women who they percieve to be more successful than they are.Besides marriage is also based on compatibility. Mc Oluomo is a rich area boy who probably used to be a danfo driver or conductor but I still would not marry him cos we would have nothing to talk about.

dayokanu: WHo works harder than those Mechanics, Carpentars bricklayers?

If hard work was your criteria

Dami you should have married that vulcaniser guy on your street. So tell us another story

Maybe I should have said hubby too had conditions.Why did he too not marry that girl that sells agbo at the junction in challenge?

We are saying the same thing, I am not denying I had conditions.Same as you too would never marry an alabodo

dayokanu: Most men agrees love is conditional, And i agree as well

Its womenfolks who preach it that "Accept me as I am if you love me" Love is unconditional" Yet act in direct opposite of what they say

Me my own love get condition o
I did not necessarily marry for money, my husband is not rich neither is he from a wealthy family.He still is not wealthy (I thank God for where we are goin ) but I sure as hell would not have married him if he was a lazy, layabout with no drive, no ambition lai lai.Would not have done that to my future kids lai lai.I certainly also would not have married him no matter how much I loved him if he did not at least have some level of intelligence.

My own love wears glasses. .It went to spec savers

chaircover: Can I ask you ladies, would it bother you so much if the baby didn't have your genes but it def must have your husbands genes.

I know im not putting this across right, (grammer has deserted me) but are you getting what im trying to say?.

For example if I went for surrogacy, it would have to be with my husbands spermmm but It wont be a matter of life or death to me if it wasnt my eggs that were fertilized.

Just interested in hearing your thoughts on the matter.

[quote author=chaircover]I would not necessarily be bothered about the genetical make up not comprising of mine which will lead me to my preferred option of adoption.Its not like am bothered about the child not being mine or anything but why cant we just adpot one of the kids out there who need a stable loving home rather going out to make another one.I know there are legal ways to go about surrogacy but I just believe a legal adoption is a far less personal and controversial way to go about it.

I dont want any more kids but thankfully me and my husband are both pro adoption so maybe in the future.He, from our courtship days(dont let me be presumptous here but just thank God for Grace cos he might have been singing another tune if we were still TTC) has always been of the opinion that if we had issues having kids, he had no qualms about adopting.When courting I used to cuss him out and get angry that he was jinxing us and God forbid me I will not have trouble conceiving .I used to throw bible verses at him but he would just be like I am just a typical naija gal before nko. I have told him to stop trying to advise typical naija TTC to adopt.A close friend told him, what if the child had a prostitute mother and armed robber father, so no thank you they will still keep trying IVF.

dayokanu: I thought they said love is blind and moves in random ways. Its either love as we are made to believe is a condition of the mind e.g Susan can only "Love" people on her level or above her not anyone below

Or does female love only moves within their own level and above?

Unfortunately even the love of God is based on some conditions.Lets not kid ourselves everybody loves based on some conditions.Maybe the love of a mother and child, even that one sef, there are conditions.
Even men and women(myself included) who say they married for love had some conditions in place to 'fall in love'.

Hollywood, Mills and Boon type falling head over in love is really rare in real life.
E.g DK based on your vocal stance on reliant depedent women, I dont think you can ever 'fall in love' with one .So financial independence is a condition

My kids dont watch Cartoon Network so cant really say.