₦airaland Forum

Hilarious .
But also tacky.A gift is what it is, a gift.Its the thought behind it that matters .

Disclaimer:Above quote does not apply to Husbands (at least my husband sha )

AjanleKoko: Haba. That one wants to jolof at her children's expense.
There would definitely be lots of cases like that, but generally speaking, every child should be able to ensure that their retired parent has some sort of stipend to take care of daily expenses. Also ensure that little things like health-care is taken care of. That should not be regarded as too much to do.

I agree especially at the health care bit.In a country like Nigeria nonetheless as indeed health is wealth.

AjanleKoko: Haba. But you know this thing na.
If I am more well-off than you, why would I be asking for you to take care of me?

True sha but not in all cases o.I know a mother and child who fell out cos mum wanted child to pay for Umrah (lesser hajj) and child said mum i cant afford this for now, we just spent alot of money for 70th birthday.This mum is not poor by any defintion of the word (landlady in Lagos).And she had already performed hajj twice so its not like she has not done the holy pilgrimage.See swearing (like you said) .No be even say child is rich sef just regular guy working in a bank and wife working in MTN.

AjanleKoko: Interesting question.
What would I do as a parent in that situation? I guess nag and complain until I get some sugar from the kid in question Or I go swear for them

Seriously, it's a tough one. If you invested a lot in your kids, it's very natural and acceptable for them to take care of you when you're not working. Why would they not want to take care of you? Old folks don't really need much, just enough to live comfortably and relax. If you're a well-off kid, berra sort out your parents

Oga swear ke ;DWhat if they are not well off or lets say as well of as you? Also define take care of? Cos take care of means diff things to diff people.

No I dont think it was.It was an oversight,infact I find that in most developed countries, sometimes they carry their 'inclusion' overboard that the picture would normally have the boy as the centerpiece of the picture.Even if it would mean breaking the bench into two

Mr and Mrs Mouthcuffed, now that you both know this thread exists, can you please now TALK, you know that thing people do with their mouths face to face or over the phone without using a keyboard or keypad. .

Thank you both .You can also ask to have the thread closed.

Hope you guys sort this cos it really is not something you cant sort.Its more a case of miscommunication.

I personally think of it as a two way thing.If you decide to have kids, please as much as possible do all you can to raise them best you can.Invest not just money (cos alot of times we see this as the only element, vital element but not the only one), time, love, prayer etc to make that child grow up into a well rounded adult.Do your part and hope that at the end of the day, you have raised a well rounded individual who can be a constructive part of society.As this is done, also (I know might not be popular but it needs to be said) if possible plan for your retirement.That you raised a well rounded individual does not immediately translate to an automatic pension.Sometimes sef the child might be willing to do all but circumstances around them at that point e.g lack of funds, small growing family, insensitive spouse etc might not make it easy to fulfil that obligation.If your child financially takes of you, see it as blessing if they dont or cant also just see it as you have done your part.Dont expect your child to fund your high flying lifestyle simply because you raised them I personally think its unfair.

On the part of the children, honour your parents even the scripture urges it.Honour is not just money, time (call and visit them remember they too were busy when you were a child), care (ask after their wellbeing, seek ways to make their life comfortable) pray for them.At retirement alot of people feel vulnerable as if society no longer needs them.Make them feel loved, wanted.If possible even if they are well to do find something like an financial responsibility you must fulfil regularly eg buying foodstuffs, buying vitamins, pay a bill on their behalf, maybe their phone credit just something.It does not have to cost loads just something to make them feel cherished.Just love them and dont think it was their responsibility to raise me, yes it was but loads of parents didnt.Also let go of old grudges, as you probably become a parent too you will realise as mothercare says its a rewarding, confusing, mind boggling process that takes the Grace of God to get right.If you have kids please dont deprive them of their grandchildren as well.

Phew that was quite an epistle.Sorry

chaircover: The point that many are missing is not just the fact that money was STOLEN!! yes STOLEN!!! but the fact that someone else was being accused of the theft and the wife didnt own up, leaving someone else to take the fall.

One of the most painful things to a right thinking human is being accused of something that he/she did not do.

And who said that a husband cannnot steal from a wife a vice versa? Meanwhile on the "wife wins 17billion divorce settlement" thread, many of the men are up in arms.

Even my kids know to ask me before going into my purse? why? because I will leave home thinking that I have X amount in my purse and may get into a pickle if I need to use the money and it isnt there.

meanwhile if the posters kid steals meat from the pot I am sure the posters wife will beat that kid to stupor.

What is bad is bad! no two names. If she needs money, she should open her mouth and ask and if he doesnt give it to her, then she should maintain her integrity and find other ways of communicating that need accross to him. stealing his money when his back is turned is not the next best thing.

On fathers day in church, I saw one woman packing juice and other drinks into her car boot. She had whipped them off the tables. The get together wasn't even over. She then came to the kitchen where I was serving with plastic bowls and when my back was turned for a split second, started packing efo into the bowls. Stealing I would call it cos she didnt ask anyone and she did it sneakily whilst my back was turned. Was she hungry? I doubt it. Its just these bad bad habits that people have and grow up with that disgraces them in public and I have decided that next time she tries it, she will meet me there.

I sooooo hate when people do this.Am like pls is it not just food .In church?Same thing happened in my church on fathers day.People palming take away packs of rice and lying bare faced that they had not had one just to get another one.In the Uk where food is relatively cheap? I used to be a women leader but I kinda just jejely stepped aside cos I dont want people to make me sin against my God.I just cant stomach it.A single lady even got offended that she did not get father's day gift that was obviously meant for men I told them to give her my husband one as me and the kids kuku got him gift.Gosh.

Double post

I personally feel being dirty comes with a dose ofl being lazy.It needs a total re orientation.Most times these people cant just be bothered or cant even see what all the fuss you are making is about.I once had a room mate (a dear friend till date) who though not has filthy as people described on this thread but she comes like 3 degrees close.There was no distinction between clean and dirty clothes(including lingerie ) and whenever she wanted to go out she would have to do a smell test to find a top or jeans to wear.She saw nothing wrong in piling plates for days or even weeks sef.She felt I had OCD cos i wont lie i nagged the h.ell out of her,gradually she began to imbibe some of my habbits cos I kept hounding her.Till today she jokes that my husband does not what he married and I tell her her husband too does not know what he married. .
In other words, its tedious but your husband can change.Might not be as perfect as you want it (my friend never got it but at least we met halfway. she used to wind me up that she intentionally did not lay the bed before she left for lectures cos she knew I would do it again).I remeber going through a phase like that at like 10, 11 where I used to shove dirty clothes under my bed never to be seen again, my mother nagged it out of me.I still hate doing laundry But I can dare say it that you can eat off the floors in my house.Everyone that knows me think I have issues cos I clean everyday.I dont mind waking up an hr earlier.This thread has reinforced my resolve that my son is definitely not getting a free ride cos he is a boy.

naijababe: Lol, why u no go melt for kitchen......when you dey cook 'gbegiri' . Like your SIL, i want to faint too.

Dont mind me o ;DAs I said I hate food wasting so gbegiri came in to utilise my peeled beans.I buy the already peeled beans so in order to utilise it effectively I make moin moin, akara (dont freeze that one ) and gbegiri.
No mind me its just that I miss Shitta Amala too much.You can never get that shitta taste without gbegiri.Even my mother was shocked that proper lagos girl like learnt how to make gbegiri.

Its sooo hilarious and I know the OP is not finding it funny .
I hate FILTH so I dont even think I can advise you cos its just so disgusting when a grown bottom (let me kuku use bottom before NL changes it ) does not follow simple hygiene rules.Even my 3 yr old knows you wash your hands after you leave the toilet .

Pele OP, he needs some kind of rehab or one kain disgrace shows they have here eg How Clean is your House or The Hoarder Next Door to make him realise his issues.The house one is manageable cos you can clean up after him or hire a cleaner but the personal hygiene bit

As they say no one is perfect so maybe uncleanliness is his own folly.

naijababe: Dami, I am sending a little birdie to your hubby to tell him the truth

Dont u dare Mi o kin se Gordon Ramsey or Jamie Oliver so I cannot come and melt in the kitchen.

chaircover: can you freeze moin moin ni? how do you defrost? microwave or back in the steamer?

ive never frozen beans before. You learn everyday ooooooooo

I dont like frozen rice. It looses its taste. I only tend to freeze stews, vegetable soup, okro and ewedu and my ogi of course

Yes you can freeze moi moi.The best way to defrost is get it out of the freezer say like 12 hrs before and leave in the fridge.Then take it out and microwave or steam and it tastes just as nice.

Same with beans, in short I freeze beans alot cos my husband loves beans.We tend to go thru it quickly so need to lie on that one's time frame .This one was cooked last week.I even freeze gbegiri (yeah I make gbegiri my SIL wanted to faint when she heard I make gbegiri in the uk ).

Regarding inlaw issues my stance is (and as people pointed out in a thread I opened) its the job of the child of the parent concerned that has to lay the boundaries.In otherwords your husband has to be the one to lay the boundaries.Forget all those inlaw feferity at engagements that Kulyie alluded to, the fact is you find it easier to forgive your child you have known all your life as opposed to this girl or boy that your child married whom you probably would have never known 5 yrs ago.FACT.

Lets not kid ourselves, the love in an inlaw relationship takes time to build so its not something that we automatically earn.I know there are things that I say to my mum or family that they have forgiven and forgotten but if my husband said same they might forgive but it would take longer to forget.So its left to your husband to lay the boundaries.Not your place as it might cause unnecessary conflict.If he wont then you might have to tackle it the diplomatic way that CC and suggested.

Gloriagee: To all the guys - I've never been able to understand the rationale behind not eating frozen food. N I must confess, I never eat frozen jollof rice, sha

To be fair sha I never eat any sort of frozen rice it just does not taste the same.But other things esp soup no difference esp when defrosted and warmed properly.

Round 2 frozen ayamase (green stew for ofada rice) .Boiling jasmine rice as I type and I can bet tonight as well he wont tell the diff.

Tomorow moin moin, friday beans and corn.

No more cooking till that freezer is decongested.

slimyem: All liars shall perish and go to hell..

May God help us

Royal Roy: Ahhhhh...thank God am not strange afterall.....I never eat food refrigerated even the next morning....can't figure out why, but I won't eat it at all.
====
I sometimes tell my partner "network is messed up here, can't hear u well." when I don't feel like talking too much jare!!
Sometimes I don't tell her immediately I get to where am travelling to with my car. Always add extra 20-30 minutes before calling her. She said I drive too fast.....lollllllz.
I have told her I have migraines some evenings when I don't feel up to the "bed exercise".....so I can sleep all I want without disturbance!!!

Na lie jooor its all in una mind.How come hubby (despite his insistence that his taste buds know the diff)did nit know he was eating 2 month old soup? .I warmed it properly and he thought it was cooked that yesterday.That experiment has now proved that I can now decongest my freezer.I just keep cooking and adding and then one day I just chuck most in the bin cos there is hardly so much I can eat on my own.Its not good to waste food, in my books that is the worse sin cos there are starving people in the world.
And lai lai I cant be cooking everyday.....

I am not too sure if such a thread exists but thought to create a bit of cheeky laughter rather than all this serious serious threads we have .

Ok il go first:
All my clothes were bought two summers ago.'Uhmm madam I thought you said you were broke, I like this your new dress o'.Me:'This dress, oh its old I bought it two summers ago I just never wore it" .

All my shoes and bags were bought on sale. (I wonder why I have to lie sef his clothes are more expensive than mine.Ok he shops less often).

Aunty A bought this tops for bebe and bobo (another outing excursion that ended in me buying more clothes when we have decided they dont need more clothes).

My husband has this weird thing about food that has been frozen for over 4 weeks.Unknown to him yesterday he ate efo that that had been in the freezer since april.He sat there licking his fingers "this soup is nice when did you get time to make another soup.Thanks babes" Dont ask dont tell

So lets have yours.

chaircover: This topic is still alive

happiness and peaceful . . .2 different things but they go hand in hand and it goes both ways. There will be some things that wifey will do that hubby doesnt like, but to keep the peace, he will just go with it. In this last week I know of 2 thngs that my husband did just to please me, and I know that before the week runs out, there will be some things that I will do, just to keep the peace too.

Peace does eventually bring happiness and you cannot be happy if you dont have peace with your partner. she may refuse to kneel down and that will make her happy at that point, but as time goes on, because she lacks the peace, the happiness is going to disappear

I want us to move away picking on specific things like in this case kneeling down. why? because a lot of things make up marriages. Each new day brings about new challenges and situations. he may be bad in A but good in B and that evens things up.

There is no right or wrong way and each marriage is personal and different. I know that the thought of kneeling down to give food to ones husband is very foreign to some people, just as I had my mouth wide open when I was reading the "guys what do you do after work" thread and three quarters of the men said that they didn't go straight home to their families, but had drinks with their friends or stayed back to beat traffic etc. Im married to a man who 354 days of the year cones straight home to see his family, rain, shine, earthquake, traffic whatever, but who am I to condemn? it works for them.

I am married to a man, who when I travel, picks me up from the airport no matter what time my flight comes in, and he would have prepared a good meal and put it in a food flask for me to eat in the car on the way home, saying he knows airline food is crap and he knows I would have been too stressed to eat before flying. I will get home to a tidy house and cooked food. A selfless man who can take out his eye and give it to me, so if this kind of man wakes up one morning and says he wants me to kneel down and give him food, it will be no big deal. He has earned every respect and is fully qualified to be treated like a king and that he is, and this is why I always say that each relationship is different and the dynamics are different. People looking from the outside in, know nothing about how that marriage works.

I know that people will say that a good man will not want his wife to do anything that she doesn't want to do, but lets not forget that we are human and also that we all come from different backgrounds and have different ideas. I know that there are some things in our family that are foreign my husband and there are some things that he does and I just look at and say wow!! oga how come?

im sure Some people may look at my oga and say "I hope this woman hasnt given this man efo to eat, just as some people will look at me and call me ruth aboko ku, but our relationship is different from B's relationship just as C's relationship is different from B's. So Its not for anyone me included to judge anyone. I will def draw the line at physical, verbal and emotional abuse but other things they should try and reach a compromise on and get on with their marriage.

Wow.100 likes.

I for one naturally instictively will say which kain egocentric bush man is the OP married to cos I can never see myself kneeling down to serve a man food cos I never saw my mum or anyone I know do it or cos my Dad really hated all this oju aye antics.But on reading your post CC its pointed out that its the specifics we are looking at and sonetimes our experiences always colour our views.Even my mother found it strange that my husband dishes his food himself when he gets back from work late and even if I dish it he comes to carry it himself, when I help him sometimes he is like madam what do you want .My dad never really went into the kitchen cos even if my mum did not do it we would and we always had battalion of househelps and relatives staying with us.

It would then be judgemental to tell a friend who dishes her husband food in pyrex dishes, runs his bath and invites him like a king to the table just cos I dont do same in my marriage.She might not be able to stick my husbands constant budgeting (annoying I know ) or his annoying lectures on punctuality, how I like to do things like a typical Nigerian (as if I am not onr ) etc.

In otherwords no two marriages are the same so let go of some the nitpicking on the diff.My only grouse is the husband threatening divorce on such a mundane issue.Divorce ke kila gbe kila ju

chaircover: This topic is still alive

happiness and peaceful . . .2 different things but they go hand in hand and it goes both ways. There will be some things that wifey will do that hubby doesnt like, but to keep the peace, he will just go with it. In this last week I know of 2 thngs that my husband did just to please me, and I know that before the week runs out, there will be some things that I will do, just to keep the peace too.

Peace does eventually bring happiness and you cannot be happy if you dont have peace with your partner. she may refuse to kneel down and that will make her happy at that point, but as time goes on, because she lacks the peace, the happiness is going to disappear

I want us to move away picking on specific things like in this case kneeling down. why? because a lot of things make up marriages. Each new day brings about new challenges and situations. he may be bad in A but good in B and that evens things up.

There is no right or wrong way and each marriage is personal and different. I know that the thought of kneeling down to give food to ones husband is very foreign to some people, just as I had my mouth wide open when I was reading the "guys what do you do after work" thread and three quarters of the men said that they didn't go straight home to their families, but had drinks with their friends or stayed back to beat traffic etc. Im married to a man who 354 days of the year cones straight home to see his family, rain, shine, earthquake, traffic whatever, but who am I to condemn? it works for them.

I am married to a man, who when I travel, picks me up from the airport no matter what time my flight comes in, and he would have prepared a good meal and put it in a food flask for me to eat in the car on the way home, saying he knows airline food is crap and he knows I would have been too stressed to eat before flying. I will get home to a tidy house and cooked food. A selfless man who can take out his eye and give it to me, so if this kind of man wakes up one morning and says he wants me to kneel down and give him food, it will be no big deal. He has earned every respect and is fully qualified to be treated like a king and that he is, and this is why I always say that each relationship is different and the dynamics are different. People looking from the outside in, know nothing about how that marriage works.

I know that people will say that a good man will not want his wife to do anything that she doesn't want to do, but lets not forget that we are human and also that we all come from different backgrounds and have different ideas. I know that there are some things in our family that are foreign my husband and there are some things that he does and I just look at and say wow!! oga how come?

im sure Some people may look at my oga and say "I hope this woman hasnt given this man efo to eat, just as some people will look at me and call me ruth aboko ku, but our relationship is different from B's relationship just as C's relationship is different from B's. So Its not for anyone me included to judge anyone. I will def draw the line at physical, verbal and emotional abuse but other things they should try and reach a compromise on and get on with their marriage.

Wow.100 likes.

I for one naturally instictively will say which kain egocentric bush man is the OP married to cos I can never see myself kneeling down to serve a man food cos I never saw my mum or anyone I know do it or cos my Dad really hated all this oju aye antics.But on reading your post CC its pointed out that its the specifics we are looking at and sonetimes our experiences always colour our views.Even my mother found it strange that my husband dishes his food himself when he gets back from work late and even if I dish it he comes to carry it himself, when I help him sometimes he is like madam what do you want .My dad never really went into the kitchen cos even if my mum did not do it we would and we always had battalion of househelps and relatives staying with us.

It would then be judgemental to tell a friend who dishes her husband food in pyrex dishes, runs his bath and invites him like a king to the table just cos I dont do same in my marriage.She might not be able to stick my husbands constant budgeting (annoying I know ) or his annoying lectures on punctuality, how I like to do things like a typical Nigerian (as if I am not onr ) etc.

In otherwords no two marriages are the same so lets some nitpicking on the diff.My only grouse is the husband threatening divorce on such a mundane issue.Divorce ke kila gbe kila ju

At a well planned society wedding-EVERYTHING. .
The decor, the food, the music (I love the bands e.g.shuga band that can play oldies), the colours, the, the in short everything.

All this as long as I am a guest o .
I really did not enjoy planning my wedding cos at the end of the day it was more like my mum and dad were the ones getting married .

Also forgot to add the antics of alaga iduro and alaga ijoko at the yoruba trad.Unfortunately I missed half the drama at my wedding.

babyosisi: Isn't it amazing how life can throw us curve balls at the least unexpected times
Some mothers sit and whine that their children are making B average instead of A plus
While some others are just praying that their little one can just lift a spoon and feed himself,or navigate their own wheel chair or go to the toilet by themselves.

We need to be reminded in our quest for perfection that no matter how tough we think it is ,no matter how gloomy,no matter how rough,there is always someone out there working twice as hard
That ought to wake us all up.

Incidentally,I had just finished a session of mother daughter stern talks with my daughter,bordering on facebook ,texts and phone communications with her little friends etc
Reminding her a third time that she should read some Chinua Achebe books I recommended for the Summer rather than Facebook.
then I read sniper's post and my eyes were teary
The issue I was discussing pales in comparison to what Sniper does daily,come rain,come shine.
Amazing woman!!!

So true.Just yesterday evening I told my daughter no more Disney channel until she masters some words and some simple arithmetic I feel she should know (she is going to be 4 in sept with this stupid uk system she goes to reception next yr so one yr behind .her nursery teacher thinks am nuts but dont think so) I read the interview this morn and I said perspective dami perspective.

My daughter must be thanking you sniper cos I agreed to 1 hr of Dora and Doc Mcstuffins (still educational and not more than that 1 hr )
E- hugs once again

Tgirl4real: lol

Yes naa some men too will keep singing"I pay all the bills" like an anthem
If you are not married to a lazy unappreciative wife, of course she knows.You dont have to keep reminding her.

vanitty: Think about it this way. Your father and mother I am sure did the deed when you were living in their house and you were not aware of it.
No one is telling you not to have sex but be discreet about it.
Infact not just for mama but also for those innocent children of yours. They copy everything you do, you know. You really don't want them to get to school or church and be humping others.

GBAM.Me am even more worried about the kids.Of course you can do the do, I really dont think mama meant no s.ex.Just tone it down andclose the door. And madam can turn down the volume, if she cant help it muffle the noise with a kiss .

Maybe am just a prude sha, but its on NL I saw that people do the do with kids in the room sef .Naaaaa, anything after 1 yr old is a no no.We either relocate to the living room (if its a one bed) and if not a one bed, sleep training commences at 1 yr.Though he still wakes up once in a while (annoying yen yen right in the middle of action) my 15 month old more or less sleeps through the night in his own room.Both of them still jump into our bed every morning though.

I doff my hat to you.Truly only God can be your source of strength.May He continually uphold you and give you the Grace you need.

God blesd you and your beautiful babies.

k2039: So you think those who join yahoo or a cult were not warned by their parents.

Abeg, just thank God for your life.

Abiko wa, akogba na de wa.

Parental responsibility goes a long way, but it's the child's choice to decide to stick with his parents way of life or not.

GBAM.From 18 or lets stretch it abit cos adulthood is kinda delayed in Africa 21 an adult is responsible for his or her actions.In this case I might not disown in the sense of disown, but I would definitely take a harder line stance, showing that bro I can decide to mentally write you off.Still does not mean I will not be praying for the child but if love, care,instruction lhas not worked till then, its time to introduce tough love.

SewaG.R.I.T.S:
I would share the news with all the world after the first trimester. I imagine creative ways to tell my in laws ...like sending a stuffed toy with a recording of the baby's heartbeat (there is a boutique that does that and it's soo cute), a framed picture of the 3D ultrasound, or any other cute thing I find on Pinterest. I'm not from "Afi-ri-ca" as someone put it and therefore don't hold with all the superstition. But my husband will say that we Oyibo talk to much, "it's not all that you see you should say" (in his Yoruba accent).
But my in laws were fairly secretive. W
e didn't know about one cousin giving birth till it was done. And another in law was alway evasive when I asked about the sex (just so I could start shopping and sending stuff over). To each his own but it was strange for me, but I learned to respect their privacy.

Lol@ the oyibo talk too much.I remember how the random lady standing next to you at the till who you just made eye contact with will start quizzing about the history of your pregnancy.
E remain for them to ask style the baby was concieved in
Its was quite refreshing for me sha because right from time (like my father) I never got why we were overly secretive about everything.Dont tell anyone you are travelling, dont tell people your score in jamb, dont eat the food your neighbour brought at christmas and sallah, dont tell people you are pregnant till you give birth .

I told ALL the people that mattered after the first 12 weeks and that included my dearest friends and my inlaws too.If you did not know that I was pregnant its possible that we rarely talked in 9 months anyway so biggie.I was a lil secretive with my 2nd cos I was a lil embarassed
I had been running my mouth that my daughter must be at least 3 and a half before another baby (see why am not a fan of the pill ).I almost faced a discplinary at work cos I just got back from mat leave 10 months earlier.My husband was like this is getting ridiculous just tell your manager before they think you are skiving with this your shocking level of sickness absence.Apart from that I also told all those dearest to me, thank God I did sef cos I needed all the help I could get as I was sooo ill.

Why is it that Malaria and Typhoid are the go to illnesses in Nigeria? I know those diseases are common but there is this general belief that once you have a fever and throw up, voila its malaria or typhoid.

I have a 15 month old too and its part of their development to sometimes become clingy at that age.He is getting more aware of his surrondings.You being pregnant might mean you are ill or less attentive.My daughter was 21 months old when I discovered I was pregnant with my son and all I wanted to do was sleep and throw up.I more or less just left my daughter to my husband and mum cos I was just so ill.She was upset cos maybe in her lil mind she felt I had gone off her, so I had to try to at least give her cuddles just to reassure her.Its seperation anxiety as ileobatojo suggested.

Eeya Take care love, being pregnant with a toddler is one of the most tiring things ever.

..*******.......Thank God for contraception ****

bustode: Too many people mentioned hands in the air, but it sounds quite easy to do. I mean, as an adult even, I am sure I can go on without much pain. Couldn't have been that hard.

Really .Its horrible mainly because my mum had hawk eyes.Try raising your hands for 2 hrs straight.

Tgirl4real: It takes wisdom and understanding for the 2 to live in peace and harmony. If the man isn't a lazy bum, the wife should remain submissive. She shouldn't let the present situation of things get to her head. And she should continue to encourage her hubby in ways they can increase their finances.

Also, she should not constantly remind the man that she is the one footing most of the bills. He knows this already.

Family and friends should not know how you run your home.

The hubby on the other hand also need to be loving and appreciative of his wife's effort. He shouldn't let the present situation frustrate him into seeing his wife as a threat. Cos when the wife spends more, the man usually feels threatened.

He should also intensify effort into getting something more productive to do. He shouldn't relax, allowing his wife carry all their financial burden.

He should also try to support no matter how little. With this, the wife will know it's the situation and not that he wants to be a pest.

Sums it up for me but the bolded is where most marriages tends to have issues. As a man too you don't have to keep reminding your wife that you pay all the bills. She knows so its not necessary to be reciting like an anthem all the time.

This thread just made me remember that i wrote my final yr project on feminist views in islam and based it on african writers mainly from islamic countries.Chose that topic cos it was like a contradiction of sorts also cos my supervisor then needed to be impressed cos the man was something else(I wanted to prove a point cos the mam used to pick on me alot).


So I had to do alot if research.One of the texts I used (can believe I still remember after so many yrs ) was from a relatively unknown Egyptian writer called Alifa Rifaat and it was a collection of Short stories called Distant View of A Minaret.It was written in Arabic then later translated to english and for a very long while was banned in Egypt.This particular one touched alot on polygamy, child marriage and the internal wranglings muslim women face when deep down they sometimes resent having to share their man.Some felt guilty that those feelings made them feel they were not good enough muslims and quickly suppressed those desires.I also used Mariama Ba So Long A Letter (though from senegal) and so many other ones.

The conclusion was that feminism in Africa especially those of islamic extraction had to toe a different line I.e they are more womanists.But that research threw up polygamy as an issue that most of these women accepted as part of their faith.Some would choose it but sometimes (as normal for most human dealings) deep deep down they sometimes resented or questioned it.