₦airaland Forum

Been on the road all day doing maid, driver, nanny work hen see why I wont mind packing it in for oga madam in owners corner (p.s all these are jokes but really having money in Naija sweet o)

Both got married in their 30's so both well established in their various countries of abode before getting together.I think they met through mutual friends (you know all this my friend is looking for a wife runs).He worked in BAT back in naija and I cant say for sure why he was the one who chose to relocate.But as some posters have said the only constant thing in life is change.I dont even think he wants her to just up and go back to naija.As I said madam is very very strong willed and is very vocal about her not wanting to live in Nigeria. My husband sometimes also comes out with the its not all about money line when you talk of living in Nigeria which is why I kinda understand him not telling her about the job.It was not right for him to do so but knowing
her she would have shot down the idea immediately.

I still dont agree with the fact that him going to live in Nigeria equals infidelity. I wonder why infidelity does not crop up when he applies to jobs in Holland or Dubai.

Oh well its their marriage so they are the best people to work it out.

Wow see different angles On the road at the mo waiting to pick my daughter from swimming so have to be fast.
Let me clarify on (maybe) why the guy went for the interview.She had always known that in his job search, he had always looked at options outside the UK. I remember a time he went to Holland for an interview.She just has this grouse with Naija.

BRB

naijababe: Don't play dumb jo! You chose your sanity over N50b job! If our man wants a vice versa decision he has a right to it without being made to feel like he's the bad guy......

This coogar sef ahan

50 billion naira job.(billion o) .Are you sure Really really in your shush mind??

If my husband declines 200 million(million o ) naira job in naija(cos sometimes his reasoning is like Coogar's) he is banned from our bed for life

coogar: the husband should stay in the UK - that was the agreement. if he cannot find jobs in project management, let him explore other options. if he goes to nigeria without his wife, he has about 90 days approximately before infidelity steps in.

@Coogar and decline a fantastic job offee for one that is non- existent?

Ujujoan: But someone has to make the sacrifice and he agreed to it in the first place . . .

Who says it has to me the woman who suffers most . . . and believe me, she will suffer

I think the mistake was in letting the man be the one to relocate in the first place. I wouldn't have done that, I would have gone to be with my husband and not the other way round. But I bet hubby thought it will be all rosy, after all, he'll be a 'jando'.

Now things are not what he thought, he wants to bail? Sounds selfish if you ask me!

Uju do you really think she will suffer? Me am very in touch with Nigeria oh (ok maybe most of the ones I know are comfortable) but people I know are definitely not suffering.If you ask me sef, I would rather my child goes to Corona or Greensprings than some schools in London.

chaircover: I personally I know of 2 bank managers who left Nigeria to joint their wives. Both wives work within the health care service. One of them is a security guard and has been for the 8 years that I have known him and the other has become a nuisance spoiling his name all over the place with petty petty 419 like cons. I vaguely know of another bank manager who helps people take their yam and chicken to their cars from the shop where he works in London. The wife of the security guard confided in us that had she known she would have never insisted that her husband come to join her that she feels so sorry for him.

It’s all well and good deciding that they wanted to live in the UK, but that was then and things have changed in the UK. Jobs are not that easy to find and that is why people like me sit in permanent jobs when my contractor colleagues are earning hundreds of pounds a day because I don’t want to risk being out of a contract which is what is happening to your friend’s husband.

Does she enjoy her husband having to ask her for money for everything? If the man never had a job to start with then that is understandable, but for a man who has already had a good job and provided for his family to suddenly depend on his wife for an indefinite period then that is no good. A man is programmed to provide for his family and when the man turns round and start taking his frustrations out on her and the kids, she will be the first to complain, that she brought him to London o! And see how he is treating her.

What she needs to do is to take 13 weeks parental leave off from work and accompany her husband to Nigeria and help settle him down for when he starts his new job. They should both also sit down and discuss and thrash out practicalities such s child care etc. She should also still help him look for a job in the UK so that there is opportunity for him to come back. You also never know, his company may even eventually or already have a branch the UK.

As for the infidelity issue, a man who will cheat will cheat regardless of if he is in London or Lagos. Yes there are more opportunities if he is not living with his wife, but I want to believe that there are some men who remain faithful on which ever planet they are. Its something that they have to discuss in depth too.

She should not throw out the baby with the bathwater and a word is enough for the wise. These are one of the challenges and ups and downs that people face in marriage. Nothing good comes easy.

Nice one CC.If she brings it up again(which I know she will) I will suggest your points.

Ujujoan: But they had an agreement, and now he wants to change the rules

It's not just about a good job, it's about safety, good opportunities for the young children and a good living environment.

I know men who give up good jobs to relocate their families abroad just so they can be safe . .

You see when children are involved, it's not just about money anymore, or forming big oga and driving big cars.

The Health Insurance Scheme in the UK is the best in the world. But here, NHIS is a complete write off. . Even the so called private HMOs, aside from being expensive, just look for ways to dupe their customers (talking from experience ).

Even if your have a working HMO, what about the health institutions? How many hospitals in Nigeria can attend to critical emergencies? Nobody's praying for something bad to happen, but It'll be very painful to lose someone over something that could have been corrected!

Education nko, free over there, but here you have pay through your teeth for any reasonably good education.

I know how frustrating it can be for a man to be idle, but if he's not finding something with his skill's set, maybe he should consider changing careers. I mean what did he think would happen? That his dream job will be lying on the table waiting for him to come and take it?

HE should remember why he made the decision in the first place . . It's no more about him alone!

Uju you are right which is why I think they staying behind is not that bad.Its better to talk on how they can handle it than just saying if you take this job and move to Nigeria, no more marriage.
I also do understand her point on being a single married mother but hey ho life is not always the ideal picture of how we want it to be.

Gaggi: Typical woman, crying more than the bereaved already. U have dropped ur advice but u still need to create a thread so u guys can gossip about another persons dilemma.

Oga I created a thread to see if I was giving advise based on what I would do.Is it not better I seek advice anonymously rather than discuss her with other friends ?. Believe me I would rather people dont tell me their marital issues.She brought it up. And I wanted to see if I was maybe one sided.

You had the option of reading and unfollowing the thread.I know I do the same on threads I dont like

Ok so I was not as biased as I thought.

honey86: I don't know what to say, but I know how frustrating it is when one us jobless in the UK. The man even tried for staying for 4 good years when he could have easily gotten a better job back home. she is married to a good man and shldnt jeopardise her marriage just because she wants to stay in the UK. If she decides to return, she can work with NGOs.

Yeah she has loads of experience that would enable eveb run an NGO if she is unable to secure work readily.She is quite passionate about her job but as I said to her helping people is not necessarily a location thing.

As most people have said I think its best to just leave her as its her marriage after all . Very strong willed though.Even as a friend you suppose use tact interact if not, you just find yourself doing what she wants eg lets organise children's outing.Ok lets decide where we go, I say seaside she says Legoland.I say but we have been to Legoland.She says I dont like Seaside, it must be legoland and start arguing on the dangers of the seaside.Me I just say ok lets see, will let you know.I will not even bring up the issue again and jejely go to the seaside withy husband and kids, abi.Very nice person, generous (that legoland she for don pay and will not accept reimbursement) kind but very very rigid.

I don talk my own.Wont even bring up the topic hopefully she wont ask for my advise anymore

parisienne: I don't get, are you saying that exclusive breastfeeding makes women age faster? If so I will have you know that the more you breastfeed the more your womb contracts back to the way it was pre pregnancy. It was hard but I manged to do 3 months exclusive and my tummy is as flat as the wall and you will never believe I have ever seen a delivery room

If a woman cant cope with exclusive that is a different matter but the waking up at night is just for a while she will have plenty of time for her beauty sleep as the child grows older.

True. As efe said going to back to work is not an excuse not to breastfeed exclusively, you can always express.I am not a breastfeeding nazi but it really is good to at least try.Even if you will do combination feeding.Alot of my friends in Nigeria dont even try they say just wo I dont have time, I am going back to work in 3 months.Not saying breastfed kids are geniuses but really if we read up on the health benefits (for the mum as well)it is really worth at least trying.If you try and its not for you,cool.

As for maternity leave, its a tricky issue for businesses even here that its 1 year.Even in some developed countries eg the US its still less than 6 months so I dont think Nigeria is ready.Knowing how there are no labour laws protecting women in Naija, its for employers to just place an embargo on all women of child bearing age.

Ok guys, I just need to know that I am not giving biased advise cos as I have said before I am always not too comfortable giving marital advice cos really I might looking at the issue from my POV.I would appreciate other views so as to know what next to say.

We have this family friends who got married around the same time as us.The only difference is in this case the hubby joined wife here in the uk while I joined my husband.We have same no of kids (2), almost same ages(between 1&4) and I am close to the wife.She is British and has lived here most of her life.She works for a local authority as a social worker and I must say she is quite passionate about what she does.The husband before coming over, had quite a good job in Nigeria and was already in management in a very good international company. I guess they must have reached some kind of compromise for it to be the man that relocated.

Since he got here, he has been finding difficult to actually get a job that fits his skill set.He actually got a couple of contracts in project management but they are often short term.It seems the guy is not really that crazy on continuing living here I the uk (cant say I blame him).So he started applying for jobs in Nigeria (the wife told me that he told her he was just trying his luck and was not reallu serious about it).Apparently he has a vast network in Nigeria and voila this week he was offered a very good well paying offer in Nigeria.He got back from Nigeria like a month ago so he was able to go for the interview.

Sorry for my long story but I had to give a background.Now wifey sought my advice cos she is mad at him for the fillowing reasons

~She says before they got married they agreed the uk would be their home

~He was on holiday in Nigeria how did holiday turn to going for interview

~She said she cant see herself living in Nigeria for now

~She said she does not like the idea of him living in Nigeria and she living here that the kids are still young and she cant be a married single mother as such there is no more marriage

~She said infidelity is a deal breaker for her

My intial reaction was o gal how does living in Nigeria translate to infidelity
She was like Dami are you being naive or you are playing your usual annoying devils advocate?
I said no but you said yourself that you trust him and you have never had any reason to doubt him.Her response was she does not trust Naija gals .

They have a house in Naija already so its not like there would be an additional expense for new accommodation and he said money will not be an issue he could be flying down every 2 to 3 months.
Ok my advise(as I said maybe biased cos if na me in 2 yrs max after I finish my programme I for don dey lagos dey do madam for owner's corner ) was this; You can't just give him ultimatum and say if he moves to Naija the marriage is over.Its obvious he is not happy here as his career is not progressing so dont let him resent you for tying him down.You guys talk.What do you have against Nigeria after all you are Nigerian(she went to later pry and sec school in Naija)? She said what job will she do.I said am not too sure but there are social workers in Nigeria.She kinda got upset I kept mentioning she should consider maybe moving to naija. Ok I said if you hate the Naija idea, maybe his coming every 2 months might be a compromise. She no wan hear that one too.Ok I said so what do you want.She said he should keep looking for a job here as they agreed before they married.I told her ohan you are being selfish, you cant just be rigid. Things change, you cant just say its your way or no way. You have to reach a compromise.She is not too happy with me at the mo but I dont care.


So guys could I have advised her differently?

birdman: I dont know about UK, but for US, the major thing they do different is stick together. I have to give it to them - they come into the country and immediately understand the system. So while the bulk of Nigerians are immediately trying to fend for themselves individually, the bulk of asians, wether south or far east form tight knit communities. Not just around church like we do, but they build banks and trade unions and find a way to tie their temples/religion into the whole thing. And when little china gets big enough, it starts to have a say in who runs for mayor in the city. Plus since they now have financial wealth, they can even sponsor the next police commissioner for their district into office. All this buys them a safe haven.

Sure they still experience oppression, but now they are like "Nigerians in Nigeria." Meaning even if the environment is bad, you have a "home base" you can retreat to and raise your child. By the third generation, they have enough to start branching out into society as equals, not wards of the state. Even the ones that branch out are trained to always keep a link to that home base. At the third generation, a "Nigerian" child is essentially American, for good or bad. We wade enthusiastically into American society, look down on AAs, not realizing we are looking at our own future.

Spot on analysis.That is the crux is even in the UK.They stick together.Sticking together gives them financial leverage cos its easier for 10 people to source £200, 000 as opposed to one person trying to.I also think they are very shrewd business people.They are often not also so hung up on this fact (which most african immigrants have) which is " Uhm This place is not my home I am just here for a while I must establish myself back home cos I am definitely returning some day".Not saying this is bad in itself o, cos for some people Home is where the Heart is.

But often we (africans) spend so much time and resources (believe me its hard trying to fund two lives)planning the eventual exit that we sometimes lose sight of the opportunities that might exist where we are.Not saying these same asians dont go home too but they see where they are as home too and as such must reap the benefits too.

I also think as birdman said, they never ever forget who they are while also integrating.Show me a 3rd generation african immigrant yoruba boy, he probably speaks not one word of yoruba, feels he is black british with a Nigerian surname but might struggle to fit in as he probably knows little of his relatives.A 3rd generation indian is as british as David Cameron but most likely speak his nativd tongue and will most likely still be going to his sikh temples.He knows all his cousins and despite being very british understands his indian customs and cultures.

I would invite him in, give him tea, biscuits chat with him, leave my husband to chat with him and set my voice recording up (evidence so there would be no he said, she said) go upstairs and call the police that there is a paediphile in my living room.

What is with fathers and their daughters? My husband is exactly the same about my daughter and sometimes it can be annoying.The cheeky girl said to me yesterday wait till my daddy gets back .In my mind I said iwo ati baba e e jo serious po (you and your father are not serious).See her saying it like you will see, you are in big trouble

I get you on how irritating it can be atimes o jare.And how sometimes (they dont mean to sha) it can come across as if you like hurt yourself but my princess must not have one hair out of place.

That said I would not have gone ahead to take her with me, the compromise would have been for him to drive you as suggested (less work for you sef you for enjoy yourself wella) or leave her with him.She is his child too.And this is not necessarily about the village people being out to get us part, but the child safety and logistics part of it. Its your sister's wedding so you would br fully involved and as its not an environment she is used to, its better for someone she is used to watch her.

Abeg give in jare, you proved him right with the bruises so there is actually no other point to be made in this instance.
And example I can give, my husband is verrrry safety conscious as in borders on obsession, am always teasing him that he is soo british and would find it hard living in Nigeria.So my daughter has a scooter she rides and he went out and bought this over the top safety gear, helmet, shin guard, arm brace in short she looks like voltron with the whole gear.When he takes her to the park, she wears the whole get up.I always say to him she looks ridiculous and realky I dont see other kids her age wearing all this your wahala when riding their scooters.He is always like ehn those are other people this is my child.My daughter hates the get up so me and her do secret runs so that when its just us(me and her ) we wear only the helmet.

So Saturday, we went to the park in our we we fashion.Before I knew gboa on the floor (not on the grass) and her knee and leg had nasty scratches as she was wearing shorts cos of the weather. I immediately knew I was in for it.And he already had the upper hand in this argument.So I took pictures and sent them to him before he got home so he could be ranting wherever he was.Followed up with my love you were right, no vex, sorry, lai lai I will never do it again.As soon as he stepped in, na beg o .Ontop it being me dealing with the crying and 1st Aid.He could not even rake cos I take begging choke am.Its not like he loves more than I do but he was right about the safety aspect.

So just apologise and give in.Its for the best.

Nice thread .So true about buying too many clothes, I gave away a box of unworn or worn once clothes when I did a clear out.You just keep piling them up by the time you realise the outfit exists, they have outgrown them .

Also top tip about cheaper baby gros, body suits and tights, makes it much easier to chuck in the bin when horribly soiled

Welcome back jidegirl a miss yin die, die ni o. .Good to have you back babes hope you had a great vacay.We are still doing schl run can you imagine, ends tomorrow so yaaaaaay. (I know I wont be that happy in 2 weeks time ).
Baba Oyo naa ekaabo si ori eto yii.


As for only kids,it depends on the outlook of the parent.I have friends who are only children as well as family members with one child.Some are laid back and some are borderline obsessive when it comes to that one.Alot of people have the misconception that they tend to be spoilt but I dont think its always the case.Its only normal fr resources to stretch further for one child than if you have four so I guess them sometimes having things other kids might not have is due to there being less kids to cater to.

Not being gender biased here but I fond its often the mothers of only kids that are often borderline obsessed.That may be due to the cultural aspect of the man maybe having other kids later in life

baby_123: These people are a bloody liability on that country, with their very big family just eating while their economy struggles. Doing lord and lady everywhere. It kind of strange when people care about them. Of what importance is this kingship and other rubbish again? Will it restore the faded glory of England? *On to more important topics*

See I dont really have a problem.with the royal family as long the establishment recognises that they are just a more posh form of benefit scroungers .I am in no way making a case for benefit scroungers(cant stand them).I just hate the way this tory government keeps on bleating on and on about the welfare state but always omit the posh ones I.e. the royal family.


I can still understand the queen, but please what job does Prince Charles actually do? Cos to me royal appearances is not a real job.Dont even mention the Princes Trust cos faaaar less privileged people have set up similar charities.There was even a story last week that he pays less taxes than his staff.

Oluwa o.Ehn even some members of my family could not be arsed when I was in labour, see the whole world monitoring labour chei .Na wa o its good to be royalty.
Isokale Anfani o.

But truthfully, its best to avoid the BBC for the next couple of days.They do take royal reporting overboard. And I think I do have a right to an opinion cos I do pay that annoying tv license

chaircover: another example . . . a toddler was left to walk up and down the aisle behind while the mother picked her talons. The kid would go up and down the aisle and then lean over other passengers and tap them or hit them. This went on for about 15 minutes until gboa!!! the kid hit her head on the metal arm rest few rows back and fell into a heap. I really didnt know how exactly the kid did it. All I heard was the scream and saw a very big swelling on the kids head. . . .only until then did the mother put the toddler on her back.

This mother boarded this flight with no toys, books, tablets nothing!! all I saw was milk. How on Earth do you expect to keep a toddler still in a seat for 7 hours with nothing to entertain her?

I agree that kids can be cranky at any time, but you know your kid more than anyone else and there must be some things that would be able to keep the kids occupied and content. its not just for the other passengers peace but for the kid and you the mother too. A kid doesnt need to be confined to his,her seat and you can take them for a walk around the back of the plane near the pantry area regardless of which class you are traveling and by the time they walk the length of the plane and back, they would have stretched their little legs and be ready to do something else.

As for the one who threw her kids used nappy in the food trolley, as a mother, I too have had to change my baby in very inconvenient & very tight places, but I take my soiled nappy home, and dont try and dispose of it anyhow. Some people just dont have any manners.

CC of course we are going to have nonchalant carefree mums.Not only on planes.When I pick up my daughter at school I marvel at some parents, chatting away with some kain rubbish clique they have formed and sometimes leaving their young kids to roam about.A child was hit by a car because of this a couple of months back and the head teacher had to ban any sort of waiting at the school gate.Pick up ur pikin and go home.Am in no way saying don't say hello to people (I do my daughter who is miss friend of the world will keep saying mum see emily, see nyasha, see laura ) but not at the expense of child safety.
Also some people do zero activities with their young kids apart from tv.So as not to sound self righteous, its really easy to fall into that rut.I have realised that tv can only occuppy an inquisitive child for only so long.So you have to learn to fill in the gap.Now imagine that on a cramped space like economy cabins (thats what we have flown anyway ),trains etc

I am in no way making excuses for bad parenting, as I said earlier in the thread I would opt for child free zones if I was travelling without my kids.And I would not be too happy if a kid vomited on me.But now as a mother, I would understand and not immediately assume the parent was a bad unprepared, unorganised person.A 4 or 5 yr old throwing a strop, maybe fault of a parent but an 18 month old maybe not so much.Let me add though that you are right that the attitude of the parent is also important.If you can see that this poor person is trying as hard as possible to contain this child, its not nice to be getting evil eyes .

I am very organised (if I do say so myself ) and I had loads on me on that flight I described but she just wanted to be cranky due to the confined space.She actually slept after about 3 hours but she was cranky intially.

ileobatojo: Great point that I had also meant to mention. None of my kids took to a pacifier so I didn't have that to fall back on. It does make a HUGE difference.

Me too none of my kids took to a pacifier.My son sucks his thumb though(very very annoying habbit ) and I find he is definitely calmer than his sister.

Efemena_xy: Well said.

You know, it really depends on a lot of variables, but suffice to say, I think it's more of a hit or miss thing. I mean, you can have the most placid, even tempered child...but what's to stop your baby from having a bad day and deciding to have a strop?

Children are so unpredictable and merely being in an unfamiliar environment is enough to set them off. Experience does help to an extent where you know your baby's about to pull one on you, so you might have a, b, or c tricks up your sleeve to distract them, BUT there is only so much one can do.

On our way back, while waiting at the Murtala Airport lounge at Lagos, I let my daughter play, play, and play some more with her brothers. Don't know where she got all that energy from. It was tough. She wanted and did virtually everything. Ate, pooed, played, etc. When eventually we boarded the plane, I was seriously praying for her to get some sleep. Luckily for me, she slept in that their bassinet (baby cot) with her toes sticking out! (lol) And boy was I grateful. Was praying for at least 1 hour's rest but she slept most of the way. I was grateful. If she hadn't, I would have seen pepper that night sha, like madame Ile

That's all .What are you rationalising with an 11 month old? With an over 2, you can try (try o) to use cause and effect e.g. Ok you can have the ipad for 1 hour if you sit still or as I read on one website give them gifts or new stuff through out the journey.But an under 2? They are sooo unpredictable and even adults (I know i dont) dont like travelling not to talk of a toddler who cant even express his discomfort.

Not wanting to sound naive or insensitive but do people stil seel travelling out (illegally) as a viable option in 2013?
Biola has nailed most of the cons and I cant think of any pros at the moment.

OP I know how annoying it can be esp when you have responsiblities to cater to.As biola said first of no more kids for now.Second maybe you should change tactics instead of being confrontational or sensible (believe me some men sometimes see logic or reason as not being supportive or nagging) act like you support him.Let him table out what, where, and how he intends to travel out to.At first dont criticise it, act like its a good idea.Then gradually am sure you are both quite literate, you can google the horrible effects of illegal immigration.Show him the stats on the economic issues facing the west at the mo.Even nationals of said countries are feeling the squeeze.


Also you can also google LEGAL immigration so as not to seem not supportive . Unfortunately you are very right that he has to improve himself and earnings to ever stand a chance of that.

chaircover: I am a mother but I still love my peace and quiet and I will automatically find a seat in church, restaurant, train etc as furthest away from a child as possible.

From experience, I know that some kids are just difficult to manage no matter what the mother does to get them to behave, but in many cases, the mothers themselves dont do enough to keep their kids occupied and under control. I was on a flight recently and this kid was loudmouthed and rude throughout the flight & kept disturbing other passengers but the mother carried on watching her movie like the kid didnt belong to her

On my last flight a mother changed her baby right [b]there in the cabin and put the used pamper in the sick bag and when the cabin crew came round to clean up after we had our meal, this woman put her soiled baby nappy on the trolle[/b]y. How disgusting is that!!!!!

motherhood is not a bug, and if we plan adequately then a kid should be able to travel allowing peace for the other passengers, peace for the parents and peace for the kid itself.

Pack food that the kid enjoys and is already used to so that there are no tantrums and nasty surprises with airline food. Bring crayons and paper so the kids can occupy himself by drawing, bring lots of books for the kid, tablets and other electronics will keep the kid occupied . .so will games such as connect 4. you can also bring the kids some crafts that they can be getting on with during the flight, there are also hundreds of puzzles one can get for kids.

Now that is just disgusting.Eew.Some people are just plain dirty and nasty.

I get you CC about you trying to keep them occuppied but as Ile said different temperaments. Age also matters as there is rarely any activity (except sleep maybe) that would keep a 14 month who is just learning to explore the world around them still for 14 hrs.
Now my daughter is obviously much more well behaved, cos as I said tablets, ,coloring etc will occuppy her for a while . Though she is at the why age, mummy why, mummy what's this, mummy Grrr that can also be irritating.
My son already as a 16month old shows signs of being far quieter cos he naturally is a calmer baby.He cried faaaaar less than she did on flights as long as he is fully fed but I still think we will struggle a lil cos he is walking now and wants to explore.

ileobatojo: Why are they concerning themselves with where other people choose to sit. Abeg I think it's reasonable jare. I have been the mother of a kid that cried for most of an 8 hr flight so I've been in that position before. I spent the entire time trying to console him and worrying about how I'm inconveniencing the other people beside me. Abeg give them the option to pay more for theirs and my peace of mind. Of course I would still worry about other passengers but at least it would be nice to be surrounded by people who understand. Believe me people, the mothers of these children really want to sleep too. Have some compassion on us as long as we are trying to control the children and not leaving them to run wild. I would have given my left eye to see sleep on that flight. (And many other flights)

You will give your left eye,me I will give both .I remember my first ever long haul flight with my daughter .And it was just her o, she was 14 months old and it was to Nigeria (I foolishly was trying to save a couple of pounds and decided to fly KLM never again ).My husband could not get time off work so he came the next week.Father lord in heaven, I almost wept.For some odd reason she refused me strapping her to myself with the seat belt for take-off.All the air hostesses kept coming maam you have to strap her to yourself,(they were nice about it though).In short the pulser abi what they do they call their team leaders had to help me hold her in place if not we for no take-off.Is it the lay over time at Amsterdam where she wanted to get out of her stroller? She was cranky, irritable, and I felt so embarassed.That has to be my worst journey ever in this life.Gosh.

Thank God for tablets and smart phone apps now sha.They really are a God send to parents.Now as long as we have like 20 episodes of Peppa Pig and DocMcstuffins we are ok

To create peace, some airlines are introducing child free zones on flights where kids younger than 12 will not be allowed in.For as little as £8 in some cases.



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2274854/Peace-Air-Asia-rolls-child-free-zones-stop-screaming-infants-ruining-travellers-flights.html

I think its a good idea but loads of mums on parenting websites are up in arms about it. .They say its discrimination against families.I am not fussed as long as family holidays dont become more expensive.

Sorry the mother who left the infant infant is grossly irresponsible. That is child neglect.It does not matter if the child was sleeping, you dont leave lil kids alone without adult supervision. She is lucky she was not in the west with all those nosy iya insurance white old women.She would have been in massive trouble with social services.

I cant even leave my 3yr old with a 12year old by law (I was babysitting my younger siblings since I was like eight) not to talk of an infant or toddler.Kulyie you were sooo right to tell her off.She needed it, I hope she no longer does that.

Eeya, sorry original poster I used to be exactly like you.Not that I did not like kids but my grouse was I paid for a service (normally a 6 hr flight or more)was probably soo tired before boarding, I hate flying now I have to cope with screaming children .If possible I would switch seats cos all I wanted to do when I fly is SLEEP.

Fast forward to now as a mother to two under 5's I feel so ashamed that I used to think that way.Travelling with young kids is one of the most STRESSFUL experiences ever.Even in your own car.Heck we even avoid as much as possible taking them to the shops .
I have said to my husband that we must all go on any over 6 hr trips so WE can chop the stress and embarrassment together .Afterall we made them together innit. .No ehn you guys go, il meet you next week, my leave has not been approved.We will wait till the leave has been approved .


OP sorry o, I know how you feel but young kids have a very short attention span and enclosed spaces makes that even worse.I empathise with you but believe me the parents are mortifird and if they dont apologise its the stress.Next time maybe play with kids as someone suggested to wear them out cos lets not kid ourselves the best outcome for all parties is for them to be asleep.

That said though I would sure hate paying for a more expensive seat (business or firstclass) and then find I have to contend with crying.Yeah more space but lil kids crying has the annoying echo and if I was an executive probably travelling for a business meeting, I would be sooo pissed.I would understand and empathise as a parent but I would still be pissed.

Not really practical in Nigeria.University graduates often have a sense of superiority (sometimes rightly so as the mindset of some non-graduates ) that could make someone who is not have inferiority complex.Some graduate Nigerian men can't even stand a woman earning more not to talk of someone who might (I used might cos some graduates ehn ) be intellectually superior.

I wondered sha as a typical naija gal when in the course of a discussion, the then head of Operations in my company told us her husband was a green grocer. .To me it was like the head of technical operations of First Bank being married to someone who sells vegetables in Oyingbo .

kokoye: Teach your wife about the benefits of saving money for retirement and the rainy days. let her realise money in your hands is power. Once she gets this, there will be no need to hide money from her.

Having said that, yes, women love to shop..so an important prayer is abundance of money so they can spend (with some common sense).

I'm not just whistling dixies. I'm a living witness - my wife used to get payday loan regularly be forever we got married. so it was war at some point. But she studied my lifestyle of saving and saw the immense benefits. Now, she still shops but with sense. She still buys unnecessary stuff simply because it's on sale. LOL. But thankfully, we live in a world where you can return stuff for full refunds...so yea..back to the store.

If she's your wife - she will see the benefits and listen.

But again..ultimately, pray there's money available o...because women love to shop!

This is exactly how my husband would respond to this topic

ameenahz: Yes, ma'am. Thank you. Forgive my inquisitiveness, But i really wont mind if you could tell me those differences you saw.

You see, i strayed from Islam too. Over a long time. From my adolesence to early adulthood. Nuff help from mum anyways. I attended some churches, even the pentecostal churches. I strove to know the 'Jesus' all my xtian friends knew and spoke of. All because i had doubts and plenty of unanswered questions about Islam. At a point, i prayed for 'Jesus' himself to show himself. Even started living a 'relatively holy' life, so that he could show himself. When i got tired of praying for that, i told God to show me the way, where ever it is. And He did. In Islam. I met people who answered my question satisfactorily, came across verses i never knew existed in the Qur'an and was just at peace.

That's why i keep wondering where/what the appeal is in Christianity (forgive me, pls). I must say i was really shocked when i read your story.

So again, i dont mind if i could get some details.

I really dont want to go into the differences cos they could be termed as pitting one religion against the other.

As for the appeal in Christianity, diff strokes love diff strokes. It was really not an issue of appeal but where I felt I had a connection to my God.I dont want to go on and on into details cos as I said I dont want to go into religious debates by doing christianity is better than islam because of a, b, c.Naaaa its a personal choice. BTW I am not a follower of church or pastor but a follower of christ(that took a while too).Till today I have certain character traits that I admire in alot of muslims so am not your run of the mill Christian convert who HATES all muslims (I know I am biased means I would hate my family ) or Islam.In short I think I am a bit more balanced cos alot of my Christian born friends sometimes make ignorant remarks that amuse me to no end.

In all faith is a very personal thing,you found it in Islam I found it in Christianity, I think that's enough detail.

Hi Ameenhaz.Oh dear you are making me go back to one long hard road with my parents

Ok let me not give too much away but I come from a mixed ijebu-lagos family.My Dad's side has roots from kwara, ijebu and lagos island and is purely muslim.My mum on the other side is from a mixed religion family.My paternal grandfather was actually the only muslim of his siblings as he was sent to live with his uncle in the north.So my mum had iya ijo aunties and her grandfather (paternal) was actually a Reverend. Her maternal side though was full muslim.So enough of the family tree

I grew up interacting with a very very very large extended family and so saw first hand both religions though more of islam.Ileya and Itunu awe were big deals but we still used to go my maternal grand aunt who was like an olori ebi of sorts every 1st of Jan.My mum was more the enforcer of religion, my dad too but not as strict as mum.My secondary school also enforced that as from JSS1 you were placed in a muslim only class so you could all take IRK together. So most of my friends as well were from muslim backgrounds.I practised the religion as a duty and obligation (as most religion is anyway) but deep deep down I never really connected to God on a personal level.Maybe also praying in Arabic or just generally the high handedness of my mum, my ustaz and my IRS teacher (good ole Mr Ashim Alim ) just made it seem like I was stifled.Also I looked at the lifestyles of my muslim relations and my Christian ones (not my immediate ones) and I saw there was a difference.I dont want to go into these diffrences cos they are personal.and in no way an indictment on islam..In retrospect sef I think these things boil down to individual and now as a leader in church, I see its by Grace.

So all my intial long story was just to prepare for you for my actual conversion. I was in university and by then due to freedom now praying just once or twice daily as opposed to 5 times
All that time I felt guilty that I was letting down my spiritual self . Today I would pray 5 times and for thr next two weeks I would not.One day my friend invited me for a programme in her church.She said I know you are muslim but its just a music programme no preaching (all my friends knew I hated people preaching to me).So I went for the programme just to while away that evening . Let's just say I met with jesus on that day.

Long hard road followed and fora while I could not go to church from home except I was in school.I feared my mum so much that even when she confronted me that she heard I converted I could not own up.I eventually mustered up the courage but it soured me and my mum's relationship for a while.We are cool now though and as much as my church members try I am never going to hassle or hound her to convert.Will let my life do the preaching.I honoured my parents by doing a Nikkah (another long drama from hubby's family) and my pastor has even told me off for it but I just felt I did not want to keep on rubbing it in that I had converted.Thank God my husband was with me on just letting them have that day and he took it alk graciously.He even got a muslim name .My kids have muslim names too though not on their birth certificates.
I hope that answered your question

ameenahz: Awww, why now? The questions are private and i dont want to derail the thread. Issorai. No probs.

Are they very very private? .i.e.concerning my off NL life .If not, you can ask on a thread I opened so as not to derail this OP thread.

ameenahz: Ha, madam, it is always a big issue o. Even if they dont make much noise about it, you cannot know the wounds/regrets either of them is secretly nursing in their hearts/home. I know and have spoken with muslim men who were married to christians and agreed during courtship only to become uncomfortable after 2 kids. Some of them ended up getting divorced. The people you see, semingly ok with their spouses' religion, you will discover a lot of 'grudges' when you sit them down and have a heart to heart talk with them.

The ones that truly dont care and dont complain are either liberalists or 'unserious' (most times, both) and are very few.

And by the way, madam, i have questions for you o. Can i send u PMs?

True that often its difficult for a strong spirikoko Christian or muslim to marry outside.I had actually converted before I met my husband so my case is slightly different.As for PM's I cant remember my NL email password.Really private