₦airaland Forum

baby_123: Reserving this spot. Hello Damo.

Hello Baby

dayokanu: OP Thats your friend at work in some places is already in a marriage without the ceremony

Here if you cohabit with a man for 5yrs its already a common law marriage and in case of separation she has the same rights as a married couple

Maybe thats why she isnt worried

I think its the same here.Common law partners have almost the same rights as married people.Not too sure how it works.

jmoore: Is education just a certificate or more than that?

Uhhhm education is more than the certificate but you will agree that loads of people have the certificate and are not really educated in the real sense of it.

MMotimo: This, right there, is a big challenge for a lot of Naijas, male or female

We too like moni .Gosh....I am guilty too to an extent.The backdrop of most things for a typical Nigerian has currency signs attached to it.

jidegirl12: Byvan , I aimed the question at you because I thought you operate joint account, and because osisi questioned you.

And I want to come to terms with my assertion and experiment about those who practise it, more so I won't throw just Trust into the mix as the only reason people do it , or you'd be questioning a lot of marriage's fidelity here.

Oh well ,I guess I don't need to ask the next & important question anymore since you've made

it known that you don't operate joint account afterall you still receive a direct deposit from service abi you bailed after camp like me ( I actually vividly remember the bank they paid into for 1year ) .... just kidding you don't have to answer that.

Just saw this, jidegirl ignore my last post

byvan: If you went through my post, I never stated that we operate a joint account,i said I have free access to the incomes as I manage the funds . There is no privacy to our personal accounts as we jointly use them alternatively.I made it clear that I have no qualms about having a joint account with my husband if he initiates it(when I start working).


Because Because he has proven himself worthy worthy.Yes,the famous "people change "mantra comes to mind but then one can never be too secure about life no matter the iron clad plans put in place . Life itself is a risk,we can't be too sure about anything but then being scared of living it is riskier.


I have decided to enjoy my life ridding myself of all stereotypes associated with marriage,until my approach to my marriage becomes ineffective,am stuck on it.I have made many choices in life and am yet to be screwed by them,the people that claim to be all knowing are the ones fumbling with theirs.



This earlier post is the basis of this discussion"The person you married will forge how you feel about this issue,if you are married to a man that wants to control everything and answers to non like babyosisi said please don't do it".One size can never fit all

I like this.Most opposers of the idea(remember I too operate a joint account that I pay into from MY personal account too ) I think we need to agree that marriage is not one size fits all.I agree with byvan that stereotyping what MIGHT happen in marriage causes issues in some marriages.The joint account thing might work for some people so lets not knock it cos we cant or wont do it.

chaircover: Long time dami how are you doing?

Cant write much as im rushing off, but I dont see marriage as a piece of paper. It goes a lot deeper than that. I also think that the commitment in marriage is more than if you just lived together with a man. I think that you will work harder at the marriage when problems occur and problems do occur in marriages as is with other relationships, but You will think about all the people that came to your wedding and all the
vows that you made to each other before just packing your suitcase and leaving

Lets also rememebr that marriage is held very highly in our culture and like you said about your mum, women that just go off and live with men are not given due respect within the mans family and even their own families.

Marriage also gives you a sense of belonging. You know that you are at your last bus stop and so you invest into it. Living together with a man to me will feel as if I have one leg in and one leg out and that anything can happen. In short I wont feel so settled.

Then we have the names. Maybe Im a traditionalist but I dont feel the Miss Abc mother of Miss xyz on documents
. . . thats just me.

But seriously speaking, personally I will fight more for a cause that I know will take me more to undo, than something as easy as me being able to pack a suitcase and walk out of the door

You also have to remember that many people here in the UK dont marry for financial reasons. Many claim more benefit as single mothers than if they go and get married and many cant even afford to get married. A proper sit down meal in a decent hotel is no less than £50 per head and this is not like Nigeria where many a time family chip in towards wedding costs. here the bride and groom have to foot the whole bill and for some, they will rather spend that kind of money on a holiday of a lifetime.

Fine thank you o Madam CC we thank God for his mercies. back at you.


I dont see marriage as a piece of paper either.To me its much deeper than just the wedding or certificate.Its choosing to fuse your life with someone else's and become one unit.You work together to keep the relationship afloat and stay comitted to it like a cause you believe in.
I get all the inferences you have made and all but my questions and why I created the topic comes from things I have observed.Eg For some people its not just about the money (kourtney kardashian comes to mind not a good example I know cos she has major issues but she is the one famous person I can think of for now) its like they are in a comfortable and happy place in the relationship and just feel why get married when even married people cant gurantee happiness and divorce all the time.Why should someone who is unhappy in her marriage feel superior to someone in a common law partnership simply because she bears MRS? Are people like us not likely being sentimental about marriage as an instituition mainly because of our religious and cultural beliefs?

slimyem: My friend's father had two wives. He built his house such that each wife had her own duplex and lived in it with her children then the two duplexes were linked together with a small apartment and a large conference room that housed him.

He was hands on on everything. Their clothes were brought in boxes and if there were 10 boxes,it was going to be 5 for each mother. Food and schooling of each child was well taken care of too. They were RICH. All the children had the best of everything. There was no favouritism for anybody. On the surface,all was very well.

But all these didn't stop the silent competition or the buttoned up ill will or the innumerous issues that came with it when the man died.

Forget economic whatever. Nothing makes polygamy cool!
Nothing makes it enviable either!

I have a friend in exactly same situation,Every single child who did not school abroad went to private uni.They all went to exoensive private schools and am talking like 16 children.All got lavish weddings.All got same standard of living.But deep deep down,they still did not like their half siblings or step mother.My friend even had one of her half siblings in our school and even though they talked and gisted,she was always looking for her to mis step or do something silly so she could gloat.

Hi peeps.I was watching this programme on TV where they were debating a research that concluded that kids from Homes where the parents are married tend to do better in Life than those whose parents were not.Note it was not the normal single vs two parent debate but rather those co-habiting and those who were officially married.As normal for such programmes,you had the expert and people from both sides of the debate i.e. married folks and co-habiting partners.The married folks were married for 10 years and the co-habiting folks had been together for 16 yrs and had teenage kids.The arguments on both sides prompted me to open up this topic.

I am quite a traditionalist when it comes to marriage and could not see myslef living with a man am not married to.I often joke with my husband that it would be difficult for him to get rid of me cos we got married in all the ways possible(nikkah,registry,traditional and church).I was raised that way and i know my mum used to fight her female relatives who moved in with men that had not done the proper thing.I had this colleague at work(white lady) who has been living with her partner for years,like 10 i think.They have kids,a mortage and generally seem to be quite happy.I asked her if she never felt they should marry and she was like they are happy as they are and marriage is just a piece of paper.I always felt it odd and maybe cos we africans are quite legalistic i just thought this oyinbo peeps sef.

But that programme though not changing my views has made me question that maybe am just being rigid about the whole thing.Or just being Nigerian.The couple on the programme argument(not too sure about that sha)kept emphasising that a certificate does not define their relationship and countered the married couple(christian) to show where adam and eve got married and got a piece of paper.I know people who married and divorced in less than a yr so that definitely proves that marrying someone does not automatically equate happy relationship.The ummarried couple kept insisting that they are as committed as married folks to making their relationship work but the typical nigerian in me kept asking then why not just make it legal then?Or maybe cos i have been trained to believe if a man has not paid your bride price and married you properly(to my mum sef registry is not proper,she hounded my aunty to do engagement last yr after 11 yrs and 2 kids) he cant respect you.So many questions that debate threw up for me.


So guys,whats your take?Is Marriage ie getting married really just the certificate or making it legal.Though i am christian and i still beleive that you should marry as its a convenant in the eyes of God, i would also like to hear views not wholly coloured by religion.

The saying you dont know the value of something till its gone is sooooo true.
Dad you were not perfect but you had the purest of hearts . You forgave even before the offence and you lived your life not to impress anyone but God and your conscience. YOU taught me that being a woman is no barrier to me achieving my dreams.I remember how you used to shut people up when they said to us Girls just need to marry . You said my girls are first individuals and then they become somebody wife.I know alot of people did not get you cos some of your views were too western or unislamic but I Now get you.I miss you soooooo much Dad and almost every issue gets me thinking what would Daddy have said. Daddy you wont believe everyone now chants that am.growing into the female version of you .I just imbibed some of your good traits and really anyone who calls themselves a good Christian or Muslim should.


Love you loads Dad, wish you were still here but you're not so I guess you are in a better place.
Sun re o Baba mi owon

My mum has a saying (the woman has got loads of em ) Ile Olorogun Ogba Were (polygamous home, compound of the mentally challenged).My grandfathers on both sides were polygamists.Both muslims.Both with a very unhealthy toxic rivalry amongst the kids.In my Dads case its was more like indifference.If you ask me, I think he subconciously blanked his half siblings.I even only know one and I think I have seen him once or twice.In my mums case its really annoying.Every family gathering is an opportunity to size the others up and the level of competition na another thing.

One reason I like living far away from Naija is the drama on my mums side of the family.....gosh .As I speak there is one of such gatherings happening and my younger sister conveniently 'has a meeting' so she cant attend.My bro moaned all morning about having to drive my mum there.
Am sure my maternal grandfather regretted having 5 wives cos his money would have gone alot further with less wives and kids.

biolabee: Thanks ... splendid post

If women have been used to controlling men' s resources, why dont i control a little also
TiTT for TaTT

I take a non gender biased stand on the issue.If you both agree to it and all is peachy, fine do what works for your home.
Where I would be slightly wary is if you INSIST and then turn it into a very big issue.

I honestly do not want ti monitor my husbands every toro kobo cos I know he is responsible with money.Better than me sef.He is not a child.He managed well before we got married and I know we have a vision and where we are going.So why should I be bothered if he decides to give 200 pounds to that old school friend who they used to soak Garri together in Ibadan.He will tell me and I for one will never discourage him cos he is an adult.
I have friends who have said they want to budget all hubby spends to the last kobo.Because of that they choose the most expensive everything.Their reasoning is they will see where money for sina (runs ie cheating )will surface from.

I dont like control f.reaks.

TheCongo: GBAM

Most of the comments on this thread are completely one-sided, completely biased.
I don't agree that the marriage betweeen a woman in Africa (Nigeria) and a man abroad is doomed to fail. And why this negative stereotype of men abroad on this thread? I never understand why people in general on NL are against men abroad. You have good and bad people everywhere looking for marriage. The men who live in Nigeria aren't saint at all.

Nothing is guarantee in marriage. Strangers can get married and live happily ever after.
There are many cases of success of such marriages.

TheCongo

I was a ferried bride because I more or less lived in Nigeria and my husband lived in the Uk.We met while I was here on holidays and it took on from there.And it was a long holiday cos I was on a visa they called working holiday visa back then and I definitely had to go back home cos 1.i had to serve and 2 .my parents were on my case to come home.Some of his friends who I met after we married will look at me as the wife he brought in from Naija and I have absolutely no qualms about it cos its true I live here cos I married him.

What people are kinda saying is that to marry someone you have never met or even know at all just cos he lives abroad is risky.All marriage is risk cos you never know but marrying a total stranger is riskier.Why dont people marry someone they have never met but both live in Nigeria? I.e lets say Lagos , Kano.Chances are due to no travel restrictions one party will look for a way to arrange a meeting before marriage so why should the case be different cos one person now lives abroad.

I know we had arranged marriages that probably worked well in the past.I for one am not part of those people who believe in' romance fairy tale happily ever after in marriage' cos it aint real.You work at it.BUT in todays world we are trying to navigate its harder for you to just MARRY (not date o)someone who you will just start getting to know or even like (not even love now).It works for some I know and even marrying someone you knoe sef is not a gurantee for a good marriage.But really really, the odds are slimmer if you marry a total stranger who you only talk to on the phone or internet.At least meet up before we start talking marriage.

My husband flew down to Nigeria twice in four months just to convince my Dad cos my Dad was so sceptical about marrying this person who he feels we had an unconventional courtship I.e long distance, flying about. And this was even after my husband had met my mum about twice or thrice in London.Marriage is serious business so its better (I know there are no absolutes or gurantees) to be prepared a lil by at least knowing each other to a certain extent.

What of someone who was married with 5 kids and the good for nothing husband decided to walk out because his wife was holding down his destiny (oloshious somebody ......some spiritual leaders ehn I shake my head)? She becomes a single mum by default? Are we not meant to judge the f.ool who deserted his kids? Noooo trust Nigerians who may not know the full story to condemn her rather than think and wonder how hard it is to raise 5 kids on your own.

I hate the baby momma syndrome as it is in the west cos its really irritating.Girls getting pregnant so as to claim state benefits and all, this should not be encouraged in any form and I am happy that the Govt is closing such loopholes.That said there are genuine mistakes in this category as well,so even I do not have the right to condemn even those that were teen moms.I guess its tjose that go on to havr 3, 4 that sometimes give these ones too bad names.

I dont think anyone would really want to be a single mum in Nigeria cos its hard.Kudos to them for keeping their babies in a society where abortion can be done as easily as buying paracetamol.

Its not a lifestyle choice in Nigeria as it maybr in the west fot reasons I highlighted earlier (which should be discouraged) so lets lay down on the holy holy pls.I respect people raising kids on their own cos even with two hands on parents it aint easy.

Besides I the judgement and criticism was uncalled for as this thread is not titled"Benefits of being a single mum or Become a single mum".Its just to encourage those who already are.Its like divorced people going"20 tips for a better marriage" thread to start shouting marriagr is a fraud.

babyosisi: Not at all honey.
I have been married a while
My husband has never ever complained that we don't have a joint account
The only man that will care about his wife having a separate account is a man who doesn't make enough on his own or one with an ulterior motive


Infact any girl whose man is so concerned about her money coming into a joint account ought to be wary
That is a controlling man that wants to control your earnings

And vice versa too i.e a girl who insists that she must manage all your resources.So as not to spill much, i know a couple where the husband had a child in his teens.Now he is married and they have access to all accounts.Now wifey(quite wrongly though cos she knew he had a child and married him anyway.....love me love my dog) is quite vocal about things he should do for his own child.Always blocking or saying no she does not need it (all this na first hand I know) even with things that concern the poor girls education.And its not like she would do the same to her kids (someone already planning for a 3 yr old university).Her husband more or less has to ask permission to do stuff for his own flesh and blood.

Also, the love of money is indeed the root of all evil.I have heard of mothers one way or the other mishandling their kids finances.Sometimes it does not mean that mother loves their child any less, they might not just be adept at financial management.So its better to avoid business and family so resentments dont build up.I have soooooo many instances where money caused life long rifts between blood.

My own reason is not because of girlfriend or polygamy or whatever.If its that sef why will I entrust him with money for projects? If I should listen to some family members, they believe you dont do projects with a Man , do your own make I do my own.My husband can afford infidelity without my money so how is that even a factor.

That said though, I would never condemn those who do joint resources.As we keep chanting on NL, each to his own.

Geeez.Nigerians can be judgemental.Gosh

Lol@some of the points raised.I wonder how people marry, marry o not date someone they have never met cos he lives abroad .I trust my parents sha they would have slapped the love out of your head.Trust my mum she would have employed all her secret agents to do investigation.

My own two cents(abi na 2 pennies or kobo) pls if you have a good job in Nigeria abeg as much as possible avoid illegal immigration I.e emigrating on a visiting visa and never returning.I know its not black and white but pls try and be the voice of reason if your husband is an abroad freak.If he wan relocate, pls do it legally.Having papers sef is not gurantee for easy life but it makes crossing some hurdles I.e schooling, healthcare etc easier..Even the UK with NHS don dey frank face.I was asked for ID about two weeks ago when I took my Son to hospital something that has never happened before.

jidegirl12: OP , you said something bout ( It'll be nice) marrying your replica, you must've been one holier than thou then so you wanna tell me sometimes you never feel like indulging your self and lavish some extra dough?

It depends on individual tho , I don't see myself accounting for my spending esp if I go over budget all because I want to be faithful... and yes we've been together for a very long time so NO I didn't marry a stranger

I have many examples , I've seen money cause problems in many homes, hubby maxed out the joint credit card and the wife wasn't very happy da da da resentment begins.. he's not considerate, she's a nag , they drift apart gradually, trust and love is fading & everything goes downhill all cos of MONEY??

Life's too short Abeg. I'd rather prevent making mountain outta molehill .... there's more to life.

Hey that's my opinion ... Whatever works for you


Speaking of spending .... how on earth am I gonna live with myself spending that much on a Birkin?? ( I need to see a financial advisor) I hope they have a safe deposit box that fits

I wanna be like you when I grow up Have been dreaming birkin for ages.Isokay O I will get there.

But seriously it boils down to the individuals involved.Me even ontop all my husbands financial advisor moves,he still handed me back my cards cos he said am not a kid therefore I need to learn financial responsibility.You should have seen the lecture.He said him taking charge might not necessarily teach me to stop buy buy its discpline that I need to imbibe.He is even less of a fan of the whole income going into one pot (maybe cos he earns more for now sha cos watch out I dey come) as he thinks adults have to have some sort of personal responsiblity of how they spend.

.As babyosisi said, he was still gisting me of a friend who brought his wife from Naija and they pay her salary into his account.Not joint o, his account.He does not allow her send money to her people all in the name of he knows how much he spent to bring her over.Very bush man I tell ya.Hubby told him that he was being unfair to her as she is not a child and he took offence.

byvan: The person you married will forge how you feel about this issue,if you are married to a man that wants to control everything and answers to non like babyosisi said please don't do it.

This.In other words know your Man (and vice versa cos I also know some women have been the cause of their husbands financial ruin).

There is no one size fits all for marriage.Some couples might work ok with income going into same account.Some people are not even comfortable with joint project sef.
As long as the bills are met and no one is stressing the other, me am fine and peachy.

Joint account for expenses and projects.But my income goes into MY current account and then I transfer into the expenses account.
I just like having access to my own money
Though there was a time hubby had access to my accounts (for a while) I needed it at the time was such a spendthrift.

tsmith: I for one, I'm not party to find root cause and passing blame. I feel the energy could be positively channelled to resolving issues. Most often in marriaes, it's about who's fault it is etc. Just as some on here have blamed it on the parents. The parents can only teach what they know (what worked for them in their own time and circumstances), couples need to define what works from them, taking into consideration their own circumstances and time.

Also, a good counsellor would never tell you what to do or the decision to take. M.C just helps to see things from different perspectives. My husband and I have had counselling in recent pasts; @ £60 an hour for just a chat, it's rather exepensive, however I left each session knowing myself better.

A neutral 3rd party does help a long way, someone that doesnt know you per say and you may never meet again. Someone that isn't prejudiced and won't hold what you have said against you later.I think this is where pastors, imams and friends and family have failed as M.Cs. Often times, these people tend to tell you what to, get angry when you havent followed their advice, hold and re-use details of the issues at later times or against either party etc.

@bolded is why I would prefer marriage counselling.Families however neutral they may try to be often add their own prejudices and sometimes this is like adding fuel to a fire.If I listened to some kain counselling from my family hen, I would make my husband spend all his money while I stash mine building houses and investments In Nigeria.And am not talking OUR property am talking Mine.And you know what now I kinda see where those individuals are coming from cos they trusted their husbands with their finances and these men ended up marrying second wives.So for them marriage is be smart, cunning or get screwed.
How wont that colour their advice if asked to counsel a young couple going through a rough patch.
For me counselling, psycology(not just marriage) is sometimes needed in this modern world we are trying to navigate.I was typical naija who was like who needs counselling.But when I had mild PND, my hubby could not stop me crying, my pastor kept telling me to pray, talking to a proffesional helped aloooot.

Counselling When most Nigerians think depression is not disease.Its a mood.I told someone that I had mild post natal depression after I had my daughter and she was like am spoilt.

Most africans feel odd spilling their issues to total strangers.
Let me modify, many africans feel odd spilling theur issues to strangers in person cos come to think of it alot of threads are opened on NL to get some sort of counselling as the case might be (though viewer discretion is advised concerning some kain advise)

As an aside,is it only in my family that even the boy got the speech(ehn ti o ba fun eyan loyun odi dropout niyen because emi o lowo baby food mo meaning ehn if you impregnate someone you will become a dropout cos i no longer have money for baby formula ).I think my Dad was a very liberal,intellectual man but for some odd reason,the issue of s.ex with his kids was awkward.Above quote was from my mum so you can imagine what we the girls got. Now my brother is 26(the last child) and my mum keeps asking myself and my sister,Se L sofun yin pe oni girlfriend tori emi o ri obirin mo ri,ko kin mu won wale meaning Has L told you he has a girlfriend,i dont know if i have seen a girl with him,he never brings them home.He feels more comfortable talking to my sister,myself or my husband and feels mum needs to know only his future wife.Now that is just sad

To topic,good move from Fola's mum.I personally think(maybe am naive sha)that teenage dating works better with parental supervision as opposed to all those under G runs we were forced to do as teenagers.As i said in Baba Oyo earlier thread,i wad just sooooo terrified of my mum that one year i got loads of Vals presents(in my school vals was a day of show off,looking back now am thinking how could teenage boys afford so many gifts cos some were valing girls in QC and vivian fowler all at once ) i had to practically scoff and share two cakes,give out the teddies and hide the perfume in my bag.My mum was that in your space that she would smell and know you were wearing a perfume she did not buy you .

I turned out ok and did not engage in teenage s.ex BUT i wish they were a slight bit more open.I liked the strictness now looking back as an adult BUT i would want my daughter to be able to tell me and her dad of her puppy loves and infatuations so we could guide her.

Awwwww(*sighing na teenage years they scare me past.God i wish they will see me as mummy the nearest thing to perfection forever* )

Cos looking back,at that point i just thought my mum (especially)did not get me

I think Baby nailed everyother thing i was going to say.

baby_123: Baba Oyo, FOCUS!!! Now is the time to counsel him from experience. Talk to him about relationships, sex, protection and what you expect from him in school. He sounds like a really sweet boy, and has a 90% chance of getting heart broken. Also let him understand that you were not snooping but you heard his little talk between him and his sugar baby while going about your business. Make him understand that if he wants to provide for his fola and be the man he calls himself, he may have to get a job to purchase Fola's recharge card, give salary and other amala and gbegiri promises. Before he starts employing techniques to buy one textbook 3times or ways to provide for fola(hope you know all the tricks). Let him understand his younger ones are watching him, absolutely no pregnancy allowed until he has finished school and done very well, has a stable job and has empowered himself enough. Goodlucck

jidegirl12: No Offence oh and it's sincere with no sentiment atall just curious ...

For the 'she allowed it during courtship team' ( in context of this situation discussed on NL lately) ..... Abeg let me ask few questions oh...

Is it NOW a Mandatory criterion for the lower class in Nigeria to have a rented property ( room & parlour at least) before getting married even if you can't afford it ??

In order words you Must be able to Afford live on your own before you can have a wife and have kids?? Or else kids out of wedlock will be the next available option??

Even if the family house with at least 2 bedroom is there and available at least to start with??

Uhmmm sis,IDEALLY(i know life is not white and black) yeah,if you cant afford at least a room between both of you(now am not saying it must be the guy) i really dont think you should be getting married.I will NEVER advocate for my unmarried sister to marry into a family home just cos she sha wants to marry.Rather than wedding sef,go to registry and use that money to get a place.

Sis apart from NL i know loaddds of people who did this in one form or the other.It almost always never ends well.And am talking not even lower classes here,am talking an entirely seperate flat or duplex.If we want to help my bro cos he cant afford a place or trying to complete his own building(another excuse people give) lets help him get a smaller place in a neutral location. And if he MUST marry into the family home(not a fav for me) there must be laid down boundaries by the guy.Its possible.

This context is slightly different though.The guy na just real irritant.

chaircover: Dami NL has opened my eyes to so many things. What you and I consider the norm is actually in the minority. On the other thread someone was talking about not letting anyone into her zone and husbands not being allowed to touch the soup pot. you have people who are up in arms over joint accounts and all what not.

This barging in thing started from somewhere and didnt start yesterday. Even my baby knows to knock before coming into my room. I also know that the barging in is just a tip of the iceberg and it wont surprise me if this same brother is the husbands next of kin.

Basically my take on things is don't accept whilst you are dating what you are not prepared to accept when you are married and be aware that there are illiterate graduates out there. I still maintain that she has to use wisdom to solve this.

True CC.I said same thing on the wife vs sister thread.Dont be sweeping,washing,going to market,in short literarily be house servant to a mans people during courtship and as soon as he puts a ring on it,you go all hulk hogan.If you started that be prepared to continue it.No whingeing cos thats just obtaining goods on false pretence (Not saying you should be rude or not nice to your future inlaws o.Just apply wisdom).

And yeah there are loads of what my dad called 'educated illiterates' abound today.Sadly they keep increasing by the minute .

How old is he ?And as ile pointed out i dont want to believe an adult(if he is older than OP)will be barging into a couple's room like that(make we even forget married).What does he want to see?

I know alot of people have said loads on NL about intolerance bla bla.But really really,i think newlywed couples need at least 1 yr of living together without all this attachment of relatives and the likes encroaching on their privacy.Seriously.Not practical though considering alot of factors esp in Naija(not only naija sha cos i know asians too marry into their extended family homes too)but it really really would be ideal.


For couples who have not previously co-habitted first couple of months is crucial in developing a rapport and these 3rd parties sometimes sef add some stress to the whole process.

Wislet: People are different, with different orientations and no one should be seen as odd because of it. Everyone on the planet can NEVER be the same. It is good to try to understand a character from whatever angle they may be coming from, and not act James bond 'all perfect' movie here. Some here criticizing her do worse.
As regards the op's question, let's see it from this angle.... Some women take great pride in their cooking. They get this satisfaction when,after taking their time to cook for their hubbies in particular, they get to dish it to him and watch his appreciation of the effort. I think what might have upset the lady was the brash manner in which the man decided she was 'wasting' his time and had to serve himself. That must have made her see it as unappreciation. The best thing would have been to tell her he was famished and ask for a speed up/at least get her approval to dish it. Men should understand that women are different. You don't just barge into her 'zone'.
As for those forming 'civilized', how many of your fathers/grandfathers ever went to their wives' kitchens to open the soup pot. They didn't because they respected it as their wives' 'office'.
I hope the ladies here trying to 'impress' men here won't be the types to tell their husbands to go serve themselves,''Afterall, it's a 'modern' world we live in''.

Ok.We haf hear

One question though,there will inevitably be a time madam kitchen zone will be indisposed(before they say am cursing her,childbirth comes to mind i) how will oga eat if he is not allowed in her 'zone'?

I taya o sis.On top soup.There are much bigger issues to face in marriage so am always suprised when people sweat the small stuff

When i was working full time,alot of times hubby would get home before me,take out soup from the freezer,boil rice or whatever and dish out for both of us.If he works late he serves himself from whatever he feels like in the freezer and microwaves it.

That said though people are different so maybe to some people its a big deal.

jidegirl12: Abeg what's wrong with ijebu peeps, I'm gonna call & ask Dad on this

Sis apart from stingy there is the"they are fetish" stereotype.Also they are very enterprising so some insecure peeps think cos they are often financially secure,they tend not to be submissive or want to usurp their hubby's authority.


All generalisations if i may add(ok am biased am 3/4 ijebu married to an ijebu man).

O ga o. People are reall touchy.