₦airaland Forum

chaircover: Debrief, surrogacy is where there is a pre arranged agreement between the biological mother and the adoptive patents before pregnancy. What this girl is proposing is not surrogacy because she is already pregnant.

IMO Its the adoption laws and orphanages (how they are being run and funded that needs to be overhauled)

I prefer adoption. it is safer and is more regulated. With surrogacy there is nothing stopping paedophilia's or traffickers to pay any desperate women to produce babies to order.

The Adoption criteria is so stringent these days that If I were to adopt today, Id probably fail some of their tests lol, but the authorities are just making sure that they are matching the right kid to the right family and its important that they get it right for both parties.

True like a documentary I watched about how some unscrupulous agents were charging UK TTC parents a much as £10, 000 to find 'suitable' surrogates in India.There were then paying the indian women about £1, 500 which would still be alot of money to them.Alot of charities were not too comfortable with this arrangement and felt the both the TTC parents and the indian women were being exploited.They saw cases of women who had been surrogates like 4 times

[quote author=bis7]i m thinking of the old way of giving birth and gave it up for couples or single looking for there own children but not free.. if they are able to sponsor me till i gave birth and they have the baby plus 700k given after that i am willingly to leave it but if i cant get anyone between a week from now i will get rid of it so it wont affect my life now and also i dont have enough to take care of myself talkless of a child now. lopeobama@yahoo.com[/quote]

Really lopeobama .If its not another nollywood tale, go with Efe's counsel.
@Debrief I never knew surrogacy was illegal in Nigeria.I thought it was only illegal if you got paid for it like most countries.You learn everyday.

chaircover: Hmmmmmmmmmm this is the reason why I dont joke with my contraception even more these days, than I did earlier. I dont want any mistakes. Now that I am finally beginning to get my head above water and have started to catch my breath. I will go and find 2 lines on the pregnancy test. baba God I am not praying for that one. So when all my friends are going to Dubai for long weekends away I will be home looking for where I kept the pampers, watching Bob the builder and playing with lego

Now that finally Mr CC and I can go out without having to sort out childcare or rush back home, I will give up that freedom and be tying baby on my back because we have some loose change in our pocket.

Live and let live oooooo. Ive done my stint and Its my turn to enjoy. Any "financial improvemnt" can go towards the Evogue. Ese pupo. Thank you but no thanks

Madam CC you dey fear? No fear na agbara oloun gbe .

Just joking, I think I would be the same after years of being a glorified taxi driver (school run, activities) watching disney all day I also dont think I would want that in my middle age.

We for don hammer by then by Gods grace but I no say na nanny or au pair go raise am .
And that's not fair on the kid as I was am quite hands on with the egbons.Me I like my comfort too much and I know that I will more or less contract everything out

This Tory govt can like to think up crazy policies.I wonder how the logistics of the whole thing will work sef? Would it not be more straight forward to just deny those high risk visa applications anyway like the US will do? I heard people in the past paid huge sums to get visiting visas so for some desperadoes the 3k pounds is just part of expenses.People even paid more than that to mushroom colleges for student visa when they for sure are not studying.I dont think people really do that anymore though.

As most people have said typical tory tactic of blaming the immigrants.Like a typical immigrant with battalions to send money to back home will rely on £52 weekly JSA.
Like their EU people are not a worse drain on public amenities.Went to St Thomas's childrens hospital with my son (where I was asked for ID before he could be seen ) and like 80% of the mothers in waiting room were from Europe.

Nashville: My point is that you need both money and time to bring up children.

I agree.

yellowpawpaw: Smart gal! Tell her its artificial. If u hv wig,use that as example

Good idea.I did tell her that it was not my own hair.And my hair was like hers (a lie really cos my hair is relaxed ).I think I bored her a lil so just dropped it.
If she brings it up again il show her a wig.

Oh well maybe I really need to lead by example.I dont want her feeling her hair is not nice and oyinbo hair is better than black hair.

jidegirl12: So I'm now termed as hypocrite because of my irresponsible act that I openly regret ..... In other words all Ex-Drug dealers / convicts turned counsellors or motivation speakers are NOT worthy cos of their past??

So I should shut my face and let my kid give away her virginity in prom night cos I did same foolishly?? No problemo.

By the way , I waited till after marriage. Once beaten twice shy

Alright then.

P.S when I said marriage I didn't mean all that afefeyeye in Naija ...you do know the marriage procedure in North America right?

I cant type cos have had a long day but I agree with bolded.Just to add I also dont think I am better than those who think they ought to tesr drive.This salvation thing is personal.My opinion is if possible wait, if you cant your own OYO.
Again I repeat I dont think I am better than those who think you should "test drive".Afterall I failed in that department (foolishly if I may add again and it was not even for test driving anything cos we were just boyfriend and girlfriend ).Even the bible says our righteousness is like filthy rags in front of the father.

That said though I wished I had waited.Again s.exx is awesome but is soooo overatted.Some days I am so tired that the sight of my husband's yekini standing to attention gives me shivers, I roll my eyes and think to myself oh dear not tonight. ;DThose are the days I dig out my granny pyjamas
So what was the rush sef

AjanleKoko: Simples . . . African mentality. We are all guilty of it. We love us some weddings and naming ceremonies

Which of y'all doesn't want to have kids? If we ask now, all of you will say you can afford it, in your own defence. Well . . . those illiterates also believe they can afford it too

Of course by all means have kids but please be ready to cater to their needs.I have never gotten the rationale behind having 10 kids with the hope that the first 5 will take care of the last 5.It works in some cases (thats why sometimes the older ones esp girls feel so burdened they turn to aristo).Some not even aristo sef, but they have to delay their own dreams or even having families just to shoulder a burden they had no say in making.Its beautiful I know and part of our culture but like women not being educated is in the past, I think this practice needs to be in the past too.

My daughter this evening:
Mummy , I want hair like Laura, Poppy and Emily.(her oyinbo friends)
Me:No Darling your hair is beautiful so it does not have to be like Laura or Poppy's.We all have different hair but yours is even better cos we can weave or braid it.
Bebe:So mummy why do you have hair like theirs then (I have peruvian weave on)
Wetin I go come talk now.

biolabee: @muta it is thinking like that fuels the poverty cycle we have nowadays

People with meagre resources having kids on the swing hoping that one of them will lift them out of poverty or that they come from heaven with their own riches

This is not 100 years ago when infant mortality was high or when kids became economic resources at the age of 8 helping to farm

Nowadays kids dont start yielding fruit until their 20s and some still require parental support till their 30s or to start that business or first downpayment for a home

Nigeria is predicted to be the 3rd populous nation by 2100

What is the usefulness of the population



http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23030403

Abi i wonder why people keep having kids for their kids to take care of.

Gosh People or rather Nigerians need to learn to respect people's privacy.Like WTH.
Its so annoying.

baby_123: What is a world class education with bad results or to a drop out? Daddy's and mummy's money is there. Education is just a formality. This is obviously a dependent child. If you are chopping my money, I call the shots. You become a baby to me, and I deserve to know everything even to the color of your pampers. If you don't like it, bounce o. As for those noveau riche royals, may God help us all. When they have finished selling their land. Their mind will come down. They kuku want to use their fees to kill as at the beach. They are well known to lagosians. Dami don't put me in trouble biko!

May God help us all ojare. I cant stand Omo Oniles (I dont normally hate people) so excuse me bringing them up. Awon omo ojuorolari tin wepo aya. .

I think the main reason why people are all so up in arms about the 'summoning' is cos we Nigerians can like to oppress.This cuts across all strata of society even the poor are gulity.One thing that I have that you dont have I must Lord it over you and make you feel like sh.it cos you dont have it.Heck even something as mundane as speaking english is a means of oppression in Nigeria. .And you are right about the way people act around rich people in Nigeria.I know being rich gives you an edge anywhere in the world, being poor sucks.But being poor in Nigeria means you are less than a human being

baby_123: Sis, that is why i didnt say all. Most old money are royals because of the land in their possesion = taxes. This money goes from generation to generation. Plus they have the power to mould governments. I am not talking about baale's who became oba's. I am talking about the real kings. . And of course industrialists, and business men who for generations have sustained wealth. Dangote is even from Old money, and he capitalized on that wealth. The OP should search within herself and ask herself if she does not deserve such response from his family. Why will you marry a man whose bread is buttered by the crumbs from his parents table. Are you not a thief Will his parents be able to interfere if he is making his own money I am baffled as to how people still fall for these jokers these days. What if the parent dies tomorrow. You are left with a useless, spoiled rotten and irresponsible man as husband. .

Abi o long and short of it is that said person must be able to call the family's bluff (like Coogar's example)if not you are OYO.I wonder how someone who has recieved the best education that money can buy will still not be able to stand on your own? I mean like a world class education is the best legacy ever.

baby_123: A lot of the royal families are old money. Even old money shies away from nouveau riche because their money na new money and e just start. Average people are even better. Noveau riche might be living on loan.

Sis, not all the royal families o abeg.You know say I be omo oko, those people from the Royal Families (wont name names )in the Lekki-Epe Axis are sure as lousy as hell.Gosh Worse than noveau riche sef.Come to think of it sef they are noveau riche cos most of those obas are glorified omo oniles .
Very razz buncha people.
And they fit into the picture OP painted perfectly.

Unfortunately some of the kids are relying on mummy and daddy wealth to survive so whatever mummy says goes.

I remember one who told my sister he does not know where yaba is as he rarely ever crosses 3 rd Mainland bridge except when goin to MMA.So in otherwords he would never ever come visit her.She had to come to his house. .My sister deleted his no ASAP.

I just read the linda ikeji bit .Oh well e fit possible for real life.

Makes me remember a certain yoruba girl who had her traditional marriage in Benin (okada to be exact ).

Even oyinbo sef often marry in the bride's locality.

Nkan ti eyan oba ni gba ni olowo, talaka lati ko meaning What I wont accept as a rich man I reject from being a pauper.

Jidegirl you will not kill me with all this your match making runs

I understand where you are coming from regarding doing background checks into a family your child will marry into BUT this one is overboard.People should realise that there is a limit to which you can micro manage your kids lives.Even you do all the checks or as these families would rather have, your child marries the same 'pedigree', its still no gurantee for a happy marriage.

Its all good if your man (or woman ) can stand up for you and has a lil bit of spine, if not you are OYO.I know what am talking about with these 'prominent' lagos families.Esp with a 'matriach' involved. .I know first hand cos I have friends married into such (and this my friend too is from a prominent lagos family though not as wealthy) so its not even a matter of class, pedigree or money.It is very very very lonely.

Sanboy25: Hum I guess you're right but it's still a pity for this old woman... her kids should have forgiven her at some point...

Its possible she did not have kids.There was this episode of the hoarder next door I watched and the old lady was an only child.She lost her fiance in WW2 and never got married or had kids.She had no family so to speak as she did not even know the whereabouts of her parent's family.

@OP, sooooo sad.We really take for granted our extended family system.Its beautiful.A yoruba adage says Eni bimo omo lo ma sin, Eni o bimo omo la ma sin meaning Those who have children will be buried by children and those who dont have children will be buried by children.My mum had two aunties who had no kids but they were still looked after by their sibling's kids.She must have been a recluse as well though,there are loads of oyinbo (contrary to what we think) who are family people or have friends who would check in if not all the time but at least once a month.

Truth be said, extended family drama can be quite tedious but it does have its own beauty and uses.

babyosisi: So did you follow that same rule and waited ?

No and I wish I did.My husband is not the first man I slept with and I foolishly (was not even that young sef 22) equated losing my virginity to someone as having found love .

As for me and my husband,I had just become a christian and was still growing in my faith. We did the 'do' once(he co-erced me ashewo oshi ) but I made him and myself feel so guilty afterwards that he just decided no more till we got married.And because he is a man of his word (annoyingly so if I like I do strip tease if he decides no s.ex, its no s.ex) we stuck to it.I am sure I might have been weak but maybe us living on different continents helped.And when we visited we never slept in the same house.Even in the same house (like when we went for his dads burial in Ibadan) I slept in his sisters room.

jidegirl12: So while I'm waiting for Dami.....Dayo did you go to Redeem convention @Dallas last week? I need your testimony for proof for Dami.

@thread, are we now clamouring for pre-marital sex.ual/ intimacy?? I have girls and I wouldn't want them to do that.... *a teary eye doesn't make one blind oh* Life is a risk itself , not every product we buy has warranty, we can only HOPE for the best oh.

Osisi, stop corrupting people's ( youth visiting family section ) mind oh,

the fact that we did it doesn't make it right, God forgive myself, my hubby was the third guy I slept with in my life and thank God his thing dey kampe.

Many people even test drove and chose to manage with the hope of improvement.... and in long run , still nada improvement. Chastity all the way.

Dami's lips are sealed .I am a Sunday school teacher so make i no go commit heresy.
That said I agree with you though, testing is soo overatted and as Christians(and muslim sef cos I was once one) we operate by faith or Ibadah.So we suppose just accept that God will give us the Grace to bear or solve (in case yekini is not working ).Looking back premarital s.ex comes with a whole load of emotional baggage that sometimes is not just necessary ojere.God sure knows what he was saying when he prescribed the act within holy matrimony.S.exxx is very important but its just one amongst many other components for a healthy happy marriage.

@RCCG wearing pants I thought we had agreed that choirs do wears pants even when Pastor Adeboye ministers.I dont know about North America but just wanted to let you know that your statement about NO branch ever having women wearing trousers in the choir when he ministers is not true.Watched FOL back yesterday sef and we even had some of the main FOL choir had pants on.

Uhmmmmmm the pessimist in me never seems to want to believe dynamo's stunts.But I must admit he is good.....

coogar: i am shocked he wasn't arrested.....

Yeah am suprised too.Like he was when he 'walked' on the thames

Do people still come to the Uk on visiting visa without going backNot as commonplace as before.

People who have 3, 000 pounds to leave lying fallow wont overstay anyway.

This Tory govt keep losing it everyday.Buncha of alarmists.Like Non EU illegal immigrants cost as much eastern european on public amenities.

bellong: The older children can help clean up the mess created by their father. I honestly hope those innocent children get sincere help because its none of their fault for the foolish greed of their mother.

Really .Thank God you used can and not must.If they do so its just being kind hearted cos IMO they are not obligated to.Why should someone irresponsibly keep having kids with the hope that the older ones will foot the bills and responsiblity of raising them? So unfair in my own opinion.
Fool.ish oniranu women (make I no yab them toi much I remember my grandfather telling my mum that she was too old when he was looking for a 'helper' younger wife back then.Imagine your own child's age mate is too old .Thank God say she no born sha)

byvan: Truly, your MIL can never be your mother no matter how close.i can easily tell my mum I don't like the food she prepared,how will one tell that to MIL?

She can eventually be as close to you as your mother but it takes time and the attitude of both parties.I keep saying it its easier to forgive your child whom you nutured and have known all their life than one girl or boy who you might never have met if your child did not marry them.
Its wiser for the child of the parent concerned to deal with boundary issues.

jidegirl12: Bingo! Nothing else to say.

Dem never born any branch choir do that when GO is officiating. Never happens. They're doing their own thing.

And I'm looking forward to that day they will hear the word of their lives !!

I get you sis but by the bolded I thought you meant NO RCCG choir ever wears jeans when Pastor Adeboye ministers.
I once asked my Pastor how come there is No RCCG classical parish (no earring, no trouser, no weave on) in the UK? He was like Sis Dami you and your questions eh .I said I had to ask now cos I know the issues my friend faced with her wedding cos her mum was an asst pastor in a classical parish.

jidegirl12: Bingo! Nothing else to say.

Dem never born any branch choir do that when GO is officiating. Never happens. They're doing their own thing.

And I'm looking forward to that day they will hear the word of their lives !!

L
Sis take am easy.My parish is a provincial headquarters and yep at last festival of life in London (have it recorded as well)19th May 2013, a choir wore jeans and white shirt.And Daddy GO did minister.It was a youth ministry called Next Gen just checked it.

That said I love the bible verse by Babyosisi its besides the point.God is not a man.Lets leave all this churchese and church speak, lets love God.And invite the holy spirit to transform us then we would not need a Man of God to necessarily direct us to the path of righteousness.

Marriage for sure aint an escape o abeg.Esp when she too starts having kids.
No need to add anything more to what others have said summary dont ask to be treated like an adult, act like one.

deols: but did they?

Yep.They did.When I say I had a boyfriend as a teenager I did not mean I was sleeping with him or sleeping over in his house.I just wished he could come to my house without my mum and dad giving me a lecture for months.But it just was not going to happen.Cos to them.they felt a teenager did not need a boyfriend.And am not talking secondary school boyfriend, I was in university.Got into uni at 17.

deols: the emotional part, inclusive. I have always put that in mind.



Here is where the environment plays a role. A child brought up to see this as wrong wouldn't demand it.

that is why it veers more towards materialism.

Errm I was brought up to see this as wrong.Even as a 25 yr old working lady, my parents still would not knowingly let me sleep over at my fiance 's (fiance not boyfriend o) house.
BUT as a teenager though not that as extreme as sleeping over but I often wanted to have boys over to vist.Even my boyfriend sef cos I had one .Despite my parents very best efforts.

Kids push boundaries, they need to know that yeah you might be comfortable and all( besides comfortability is relative.my 3 yr old has a tablet to some people that might be 'spoilt' but to us its cheaper than our ipads and she uses it for learning as well.to some people its nothing at all) but the world owes you nothing.As most people have said I want them to know that they are more priviledged than some and loads of other people are also more priviledged than they are.

Its a thin line between the material and emotional aspects.

jidegirl12: ^^ 2.5 mins per calendar year I.E 2yr old X 2.5mins= 5 mins timeout compared to overboard lots??

Compared to withdrawing vacation threat , duh?

I knew jide was goin to pick on withdrawing vacay.Thats abuse innit (let me go souf london on you ).Just joking.
Ok let me use another example.My daughter is a very fussy eater.I remember how I used tear my hair out that she was not eating this bla bla.So the advise I got and used make sure she is hungry and give her what she likes.That was working for a while when she liked healthy wholesome foods.eg fruits, veg, fibre cereals etc.

As soon as she clocked 3, I noticed she acquired a taste for either waffles, pancakes or croissants for breakfast.No cereals, no juice just that 3.My husband (her chief manipulatee) was like if that is what she will eat lets just give it to her.I was like but its not healthy for her, he like you just said lets just give her what she wants.I was able to reach a small compromise by putting fruits on them, blending smoothies etc.She obliged for a while but then decided she did not want the fruits as well.So it was plain croissants or pain au chocolat or pancakes or waffles with syrup.I continued with this for like a month and then she started getting constipated.

Last week I just thought to myself who is the mother in this house.Why should she be eating what she likes because that is what she wants even though its not good for her? So on that fateful day I made sure it was a day my husband left home early.She came down for breakfast and I put cheerios and orange juice on the table.She was like mummy I want pancakes or waffles.I said we have no pancakes or waffles you are having cereal and juice.She was like but I dont like cereal and juice.Ok is there croissant.I said no you are having cereal and juice.She was like cereal is disgusting.I just ignored her and went upstairs to bathe her brother.

She wailed, cried, threw tantrums, I just ignored.By the time I was ready to take to her to nursery the cereal was untouched and congealed.She said mum am hungry.I said you have food in front of you.She faffed about and we were going to be late so I took a pack for smoothies she could have on the road.In other words, she left for nursery without breakfast.Shocking but I was not going to budge .I knew the smoothie was strawberry and bannana so could hold her tummy.

Next morn, it was mummy no croissant or waffles, I said no honey its wholemeal toast and egg.She normally does not egg but she had a bit of the egg, like half the toast and drank all her juice (this time I remembered to give her apple cos she prefers it).
By this morning, she has not had waffles, pancakes or croissants for a two straight weeks.Might just give her a treat tomorrow. .Might.
All I am trying to illustrate is not ALL things they want is necessarily good for them.

ileobatojo: I will also add that by giving them everything they want, apart from teaching them coping skills, you would also be eliminating a huge block of discipline techniques that should be applied to children. No beating and yelling (which I'm completely fine with) + no utilization of natural consequences (cause and effect) + no utilization of taking away privileges + no utilization of negative re-inforcement; does not leave you with a lot to work with in terms of discipline techniques.

Without the above, discpline will be verrrry hard.
E.g. No Disneyland if your grades dont improve.It just gives an incentive to want to work harder or a consequence if the work is not put in.Does not take away the fact that you can afford Disneyland either way.