₦airaland Forum

Its just not the case in Nigeria alone.As debrief said maybe due to childbirth women tend to get health checks more than men.For some odd reason,men tend to delay going to the doctor.If i have a headache for more than 4 days am booking a gp appointment,if my husband has a headache for a week or two sef he still thinks nurofen is the answer.I book his doctor appointments like he is one of the children .
So i guess ailments with women tend to be picked up faster.

Also women tend to live more sedentary lifestyles.

It is well.I know jidegirl go frown but as baby said na smack na Smacking in the Uk is not illegal as far as i know.Abi poster did you go Jet Li on your son?Were there bruises?If there were bruises me sef i go vex for you cos THAT is child abuse.Besides at 9 smacking(as i see it not those kind flogging naija style)may not even really hurt him esp a boy.

God be with you o.

If i would judge a married woman cheating then i would judge a married man as well.Simples.As has been said by most people alot of men dont have a valid reason to cheat on their wives and they do anyway.Also though not in the OP case,some married women cheat for not so valid reasons either.

If you are indeed intune with each other you would realise your wife is cheating and vice versa.If you are a close couple there would be signs and that shows a symptom of a deeper problem.

As long as people can peddle the myth that men cheat for the following reasons(and not due to a lack of self control):

She let herself go.I married her a size 10 she is now 16(like he still has six pack)

She does not respect me

She does not cook good food.

She nags i had to find peace outside.

She is not good in bed etc

And so many other stupid reasons that can be worked through with communication(esp that useless food line),then women too can cheat for a load of other reasons i.e He is not romantic,He does not have ambition,He is a workaholic etc.

I am not in any way accepting the womans excuses as well just saying that its wrong for women to share the blame in their men cheating(which the african society often does with the annoying line maybe you pushed him out) and then men are exonerated when the wives do the same.

MMotimo: I see this with strong, used-to-running-things women. They are typically independently comfortable financially ( would not be surprised if Mom is paying for the B&B). They mean well but really just prefer to run things the way they want. Their own husbands are usually easy going gentlemen that trust them to run things.I think secretly, they pray their daughters don't marry loud, troublesome men

I will tell you about my own experience - In the very early years of my marriage, arriving Oyinbo land and learning what it meant to budget, my Mom would visit and buy(for my home) things she wanted in our apartment that we could not afford and didn't consider priorities. She would be like, how can you not buy a pressure cooker? Why did you not buy Lagostina? How long is this life that one will be inconveniencing one's self? What kind of shop is this? Why not buy at ??(Pricier store). How come you don't have so and so kitchen gadget? You should buy so and so colored shoes to go with that, How much is $120 compared to the convenience of having so and so gadget, etc, etc. Basically, trying to create her own home's comforts in my own home.
We would discuss stuff in front of her, she was always ready to assist financially if we needed money.

These women train other people's kids, they are generous and used to solving other people's problems, including the non financial. Their relatives see them as go-to people, they are "fixers" and they see their kids' homes as extensions of theirs and want their daughters to ko yan mora like them. They take pride in people saying Mrs Lagbaja's daughter is just like her mother, very generous and helpful, very respectful, etc. Their personality is a brand they want reflected in their children, daughters in particular.

Don't know where your Mom lives but the ones I know have lived in Lagos most of their lives, don't know if it's the water out there lol. A friend's Mom, more or less forcefully arranged house servants for her daughtet against the couple's wishes and many more stories

You have to be the one to insulate your husband. The scenario where your husband looked her in the face to say no should not have occurred. You will need to make the boundaries clear and make it clear if your husband does not want it, it won't happen. I am my mother's daughter but built tougher. When I realized I was becoming offended by some of her acts and utterances, I set her straight myself. My Dad and husband were the ones trying to make peace between us.
They are Moms and know what buttons to push (emotional blackmail) but once they realize what's up, it gets better. They come to realize you have your own lives to live and you are willing to accept support without allowing her to decide things.


Just that you have to communicate the boundaries, your husband should not be placed in that uncomfortable position. The good thing is they hate "arifin" disrespect, so will avoid such scenarios in the future. By the way, I still accept a woof from her,but no strings attached.
, she knows I can "daju" her if she pushes me.
I could write more but let me stop for now

Wow,mmotimo you just described my mum to a tee. And yes though ijebu,born,bred and buttered in Lagos,Lagos island to be precise ;DI guess as her first daughter there is this kindo hold or should i say awe i have for the woman.I find it very difficult to wo oju won(dont know how to say it in english)but i think as you have alluded to,i need to lay firmer boundaries.Right now she is still giving me drama that my husband made her feel uncomfortable in our house.
I should have not involved him or said i have to ask him.I should have said No straight up.But as you said alhaja is the queen of emotional blackmail.My siblings even say sis you can fall for mum hen.
Funny enough she is expecting an apology from my husband after i have apologised and explained it was not a slight.Her cousin is just annoying me more cos i dont even know the foolish womans stand sef.She seems like she is begging for me eni bi inu awon omo yin ni won(you wont be offended they are your kids)next min its won kin se ana be(you dont do in law like that).Am rolling my eyes and thinking MYOB.
Hubby said he will call mummy to please come home as the kids miss her but i know he wont apologise and i dont want to nag him too.

Oh well i guess its B and B tonight again cos i cant kill myself.Iv begged and explained and really do not need this drama.I know i have not been disrespectful so na she know.

Thanks everyone ;DJust left church and actually not even angry anymore.Came on NL cos i wanted discreet views seperate from my friend's as she is quite british (oloyinbo as mim will say )and as most of you have said i think my husband is passing a message across.The guy don try and yeah i accept blame for maybe not being continously firm with my mum.Lil things like turning our kids naming ceremony into party when we have said we just want something small and so many other lil stuff like that.

I think its my onus to step up my game but as jidegirl said this our alhaja and alhaja mums are something else.I dont think hubby has to apologise as such but my aunty who suggested it was coming fro jidegirl POV in yoruba culture that elders are always right.My mums main grouse he slighted her by still saying no to her face.That you dont do that your ana(in law).I found out what B and B they are at and will.go there to talk to her and make her see that the intial fault came from.her.

I wont force him to apologise cos he wont as he feels he is within his right to say who sleeps in his house.But i will make peace by talking to her and letting her see that he has had enough patience over the years.I also need to apologise to my husband just to let him see that it was not like i was taking sides.I just wanted him to be a lil diplomatic as our culture dictates(yoruba culture sort of encourages pretence esp when dealing with elders)

Phew i thought it was women who had issues with inlaws.Thanks guys.

jidegirl12: Dami sweetheart you just touched my heart with your expression missing grandpa, it's okay babè , won o ni binu ni o , awa elero pupo wahala wa man po and she's your mom Abeg, no vex pls, only you know how to soothe your husband and pls don't let them exchange words right now things are heated and they may utter regretful words esp from him to mum.

As per threat from grandma you know that's not possible, she's there to see you and her grandchildren and she knows she can't chose her relatives over you. She'd come around dont worry.


Brb good night.

Thats what my friend said that maybe its best mum was not in at the mo so they wont exchange words.He is being sooo calm about the whole thing but being quietly stubborn.

Baba Oyo: Damiso. ..as much as i feel your anger and frustration over this issue, i want to speak from a man 's perspective. .....YOUR HUSBAND HAS DONE THE RIGHT THING.
i believe Mama was beginning to challenge his authority IN HIS OWN HOUSE. I for one will definitely handle it differently cos you are the proverbial grass that suffers when two elephants fight. He should should have allowed your cousin to come over and go, then you gonna get it.....such that when next Mama ever brings such matter up, even you will shoot it down yourself without having to get to him.
I believe he must have eavesdrop on Mama calling him ALASOKAN.....which means a "me and my spouse only" kind of person, hence his anger and insistence on not allowing such visitor in.

Dust up your angry self and just take it as a lesson for another day. You know your mum better, you handle her yourself without having to involve hubby at all.

Pele, gimme a smile. ...you don't wanna go to church with an angry heart oooo. it is well.

I will smile. :DSo thats what alasokan means.She keeps using the word and i keep meaning to ask her what it means but forget.

debrief08: Go and apologise and make up with your husband.
The people you are quarelling with him over the cousins I mean are at peace with their own families.
Why should people spring up on you? He was right to make a stand, let people respect each other.
Your mum is being dramatic, she will calm down, you are wasting precious earth time not speaking with a man who loves you because of cousins who have stayed somewhere else will finish and go back to the welcoming loving hands of their own husbands?
Damiso, stop it, I am sorry but he is right, next time they will give you advance notice
You are the only one suffering from the whole issue no one else, Your Mom shouldn't put you in that position.
Na you wan feel bad oh, stop trying to please everyone, life is too short, oya get off Nairaland apologise and have sweet make up s3x

Maybe later lets get back from church .But debrief as baba oyo said is what i was trying to tell him.I had made up my mind to look for a way to talk to mum about her respecting the rules in my own house.In her house,she tells dad x is coming to stay and my daddy would say when?But my husband is diff and our relationship is diff.I just felt for my sake he should have said ok.but this is the last time.Next time i would be the one to say No without him hearing sef.

Now its turning to family issue cos another aunty just called me from Nigeria.I told her i dont want to talk about it as am on my way to church but that we will be fine.My mum is not picking my calls and the aunty wants my husband to go and apologise.

Did not want to create a new thread for this but am kinda upset this morning.Been awake for a while but will soon have to wake everybody for church .


My mum is around and we had a major bust up yesterday.I am also not talking to my husband at the mo.I rarely talk to outsiders about my family but spoke to a close aunty who i knowvis neutral but turns out she is not the best candidate.She is half english(her mum is english)so her advise reflected this and was sort of not really diplomatic.

I know i have talked about how in your face my mum can be and in the past has sometimes created issues in my marriage.She tends to pigeon hole people on 'how' they should be and can be quite funny if they are not.She and my das had the kind of marriage whereby my mum was in charge of the house.I dont think any member of my dad family spent more than a few days in the house but everyone of my mums siblings and alot of cousins lived with us for extended periods.And am talking about years.My dad (God bless his soul no send missing him so much right now ) would just go out to clubhouse if the noise was getting yoo much.If i am honest,this arrangement had more Cons than pros but guess family is family.As stated on this thread,my husband comes from a diff background.

The issue is my mum expects my home to be like hers.Yesterday morning she told me that her cousin was coming over from Bristol and would be sleeping over and leave on monday morning.She was like abi your husband will say no in a sarcastic manner.This one that you guys have to be discussing before people can sleep in your house.He should know that elebi lawa(we r family people) and if they dont ko ebi mora(are not extended family people)thats their business.Ihonestly did not know what to say to her.I told mum why do you like putting us in this situation.How can you just be telling me this morning?She said she just confirmed as they were meant to be going out this morning(sun morn) to see another cousin.I was like is she on her way?She said yes.

I told hubby and for some odd reason maybe to prove a point he said No.I was like babes please she is on the train already.He said no.Do i or any member of my family just spring visits on you without me asking if you are ok with having a guest first?To be honest,it never happens,he will always ask babes are you ok with x coming to stay over for a few days.I never say no but he always asks.Its more always my family that springs all this suprise visits.And he goes along for my sake.So he said no and i got angry that he was putting me in a difficult situation.

Went back to my mum and she was like let me talk to him.I said no but she insisted.He told her mummy No,we will pay for B and B(am so horrffied).My mum then came back to me and started saying all sorts.Like if i knew he was alasokan i wont have let you marry him(yoruba peeps what is alasokan?).All sorts.I said mum you know this is putting me in a difficult situation.She was like we are africans bla bla.

I thought he would change his mind but he did not.My mum too is mad that he disrespected her.She got angry and has gone to sleep in the B and B with her cousin.She refused me dropping them and paying.

My friend said i should have stuck with my husband and not begged him.That even her own mum cant come without she and her husband discussing first.But i think 2 nights wont kill him cos i dont know what rubbish point he is trying to prove.Its more annoying that he is being calm.and acting like everything is normal.My mum is threatening to not come back and i feel so angry at the mo cos they are both putting me in the middle.

Guys how can i handle this?

No one is saying spare the rod but flogging a 3 and 4 yr old till they actually have scars is abuse.No other word but abuse.Haba these are preschoolers we are talking about.

debwealth: By the way, ur topic doesn't go wt ur story or is it just me?

It was a rant thread

jidegirl12: Lmao.... Honestly it tasted fruity and sweet .... I threw up after cos Pataki said it protrudes ikebe I don't want Ikebe oh

Good stuff

I already have ikebe so no problem for me in that regard (hubby loves the ikebe by the way )So am carrying on with the pineapple juice thingz,my fridge is filled with the stuff that hubby had to ask why are we no longer drinking apple or orange juice?Pls dont tell me you are pregnant cos thats when you switch and go crazy for one particular food

dayokanu: Defintely I understand you, Temporary situations are understandable and acceptable e.g Reading for an exams, The health isnt too good, She needs to be in school etc

Those ones are working at something that would benefit them and their family in the future cant be liabilities they are Assets or better still "Work in Progress" Like an asset under construction

But the ones who just sit at home, No job, no trade, no plans waiting for husband

Any situation can change so saying stuff like Pray to God for blah bla blah doesnt cut it. The sweet and generous husband can change tomorrow and change the password to the account, he might lose his job, He might die So what happens to you

The irony of this issue is that the illiterate women are not even doing this they are in Alade, balogun, Katangwa market from dusk to dawn

Its the educated I have a 2-1 I want a masters women that are now content with 10yrs of sitting at home waiting for Husband before she buys toothpaste

I get what you mean and believe me i share that mindset.I believe you should never depend 100% financially on another human being as an adult.When i was in university i used to sell just cos my parents used to give me the necessities and i wanted nice stuff without carrying aristo.I used to sell for my mum and my profits would go on clothes.During holidays or strikes i would use my mum and dad contacts for coporate gifts or hampers and use my proceeds for stuff.That is just me as an individual thinking that if i want extra,i need to work for it.

Some people dont want extra.They are ok with the basics.And some people can afford the basics on just one income.Me that i like extra is it not hypocritical to then start judging someone who can survive on basic cos me i prefer to work to get extra?My mindset has changed alot since becoming a mother but if i am being honest,one of my main motivations in the past for making money was so i could buy nice expensive things.When i was newly married cos my husband had been living as a bachelor for a while and i relocated to join him,he paid most of the bills.Na wetin i dey use my money do,shoes,bags,jewellery,£180 hair etc.In short i was just buying rubbish.And i would argue that i need my own money lai lai you cant tell me not to work.How is that more honourable than one who is not working probably to dedicate time to her kids? (i don change now though i still like to splurge once in a while speaking of which i need to go hide something in my wardrobe before Oga finds it,am supposed to be broke )

All am just saying is i refuse to judge someone else who stays home and does not bring in an income cos i might not know the full story.(that said if you agree to stay home on a reduced income pls dont whine if you cant buy brazilian hair,adults should be able to face up to consequences of their actions or inactions).

jidegirl12: Don't mind her jare , I have 3 kids all under 10, no relatives around and my house may look disorganized when you visit on weekdays oh but I manage well .

Every poster that supports her did that cause of MMtimo's long post, How many men today will do what her husband sacrificed for her? ( she's old school) sorry sis but it's true.

Uju's husband probably followed her and care for the baby because she's securing a good job that'll improve BOTH of their lifestyles.

Debrief's husband probably gently declined her idea to Quit her good job because her income makes a good difference in their lives.

And I'm no exception either.

Abi who doesn't want to live a comfortable life? irirun igi ni irorun eye( little wade-in/help goes a long way and it's better than nothing).

Sis i am not supporting her o.I blame her for doing nothing about her predicament for 10 years.I personally cant imagine not earning money.I like buy buy too much and for now o its not fair on both my husband and kids to do things i do on just his wages.Fact.That is me.I got made redudant at work so out of formal 9-5 enviroment since Feb.At school at the moment and also have a small business i run because i like to keep busy despite having two under 5's.I honestly dont think i want to work full time till my baby is in reception which is about 2 and a half yrs from now.To some people i might be lazy.But it works for MY family.

My stand has always been on topics like this its not fair to label ALL women who dont bring an income as lazy or liabilities.For some people its a temporary thing.We all have diff capabilities and some people cant juggle it all.Seriously i cant work full time with my PG studies and running a business and my babies.Some people can.Thats life.

jidegirl12: MMtimo what's wrong with flipping burgers ( or even dishwashing for less privileged ones ) while his mates were busy dealing dopes and panhandling ?

My family is used to being the only blacks everywhere it's ridiculous.

@Damiso, you're right there's city organized curricular activities at very low price as the matter of fact they offer subsidies for single parents and low income families here. I hope our people gets it sooner than later that it's not a waste of money to dance, swim, be a gymnast , sports and many more. Swim instructor's little helper position at YMCA starts from grade1 ( mostly in baby class).

I personally feel that an idle mind is the devil's workshop.If either mummy or daddy can't be there when am back from school or any other suitable adult,no curfew,no activities to keep you busy its only normal to roam round with your peers.And if i remember clearly being a teenager,being accepted is important to them.There is this feeling of invisibility when acting as a group and i dont think every one of those 20 teenagers is actually a monster.My husband's barber is the Victoria Osoteku's girl cousin and her mum was in shock that the child she knows at home could do such a horrible thing.

My daughter's godmother's kids are teenagers and by Saturday they are exhausted from all the extra curricular that they just want to sleep all day.One of them is looking to become an Olympic swimmer by Rio 2016 if possible as she is competing nationwide at the moment.

I dont wholly agree with Coogar though on the Single parenting thing being mainly the womans fault.I agree the whole system makes it attractive to consider divorce at the littlest marital issues BUT i believe alot of blackmen have abdicated the role of fatherhood.African men are even more responsible than their carribean counterparts though they still need to do alot more because of our future generations.

We need more positive male role models.And as UNPC as biola pointed out it may be,married parents create a more enabling enviroment for kids to thrive.Not always the case but single parenting is really not doing black kids alot of good.Even if you are no longer with the mother of your kids,i think a man should desire to be in the life of his kids.

Ujujoan: Na wa ooooh . . . I guess it's true, marriage is really falling apart. People no longer see their spouses as part of themselves, rather they see them as the other person in my life, trying to bring me down.

@ Poster, one thing is for sure, your friend married a wicked and selfish man!

If he had a younger sister passing tru same in the hands of her husband, I wonder how happy he'll be?

How can she get a job without his help, with 3 young kids in tow? When she goes for job search, who babysits? When she gets called for an out of town interview, who takes care of the kids? When she has to take and extra course to brush up her skills, who takes care of the home

The most wicked act of all is depriving her of money for upkeep! Poor woman . . .

Should she divorce him? No, but she needs to sit up. No more taking rubbish from him. She needs to find ways to get a job, with or without his help. Someday she will succeed and when that day comes, she'll hire a nanny with her money and make her life easier. That's the only thing she can do in this circumstance!

Abi o.All these people shouting lazy woman,one of the hardest things to do is work around an supportive spouse with kids.Its an acquired skill juggling kids with a career esp if you don't have family around you.I know cos there is no way i could manage at work without hubby helping with the kids.Is it the away training?Is it when he has to leave work to pick up my daughter at nursery cos my manager says sorry i can't spare you?Is it him dropping and i pick so i can get flexible working?Is it him staying home with the kids so i can quickly run out to chase my small business?Except you have family to around you its bloody almost impossible to do stuff with an unsupportive spouse when you have little children.And yes even if they are at school cos sometimes what you pay on childcare might not even be worth the small profit you might make.
As has been said the man is just mean cos your wife is part of you.

Having domestic help is ok if you have a high pressure career and you have a husband who does not really help with chores.For us in Nigeria,we have been wired to think it must be house girl,some poor 13 yr old who has been brought to the house.You can get a cleaning person who comes in once a week and gets paid as such.I grew up with house girls but mum made sure we also did chore by the time i was 12 we stopped getting house girls.

I personally am not comfortable anymore with having a kid leave their home to often slave away for 12 hr days and also be burdened with childcare.I think its not fair.I know how mean house girls can be and my family was nice to helps.My parents used to treat them.like family but looking at things from their POV i can understand what it must be to be yanked from your parents to be taking care of another child whose parents are obviously more affluent than yours.Its psychologically draining for a teen or pre teen .So yes under age maids should be banned which i think it has but things are never enforced in Nigeria cos my friends still have young maids.

So no even if i lived in Nigeria(that's all my friends line)i would not have a maid.If i was soo stressed i would have washman,cleaning lady and my kids would be in creche or with my mum.I generally like having a clean house(all my friends joke that i have OCD)so house chores are not really a big deal for me.As you can see washman was no 1 on my list cos the only thing i hate(so does my husband but he is better so he does most times)is laundry

I think your friend husband is not being fair.Also your friend should have sorted this out ages ago.I keep saying that if you have to nag and cry for money from any other human being(everyone forgets we now have stay home dads and yes i know a few) then you have no business earning no income.In this case earning income does not necessarily mean having a 9-5.

Let her respectfully(we know people like her husband cherish respect)let him know that she is tired of placing all her familial obligations on him(like she is doing him a favour) cos she needs to take care of her aged dad.Where these is a will there is a way so she better start looking for funding and you her friend can help with that.My mum helped a woman like that by giving her goods to go and sell without taking money but she was introduced by a good friend of my mum so she knew she might not run away.If in Nigeria esp there are lil lil ways to make some money (if you are not too proud).

As an aside though why must self esteem in marriage be tied to bringing in an income?Just saying you might even the bread winner and have zero self esteem.And yes i know someone who can buy her husband financially and he still belittles her,she must be the one to act like aridin so people won't say its cos she has money?I personally think finance though important is something that can be settled among couples if there is love.So if my hobby loses his job or is incapacitated(God forbid) and can't earn for a while,he is now less a human being?

MMotimo: I don't live in the UK but the issue is common.

A common thread is lack of parental supervision, parents that don't have time to monitor their kids' behavior, friends and activities. Some parents work almost all day, these kids have time on their hands to do all kinds of evil and their parents have no idea. Same parents cannot/will not invest in extra curricular activities that would keep their kids out of trouble, a lot of them would rather invest in aso ebi and keeping up with the Olowolayemos.

Spot on.On a thread i said something about some older aunts moaning about going to parent evenings cos it would eat into their 'hour's.I understand that the whole school meetings sometimes is an inconvenience but common its often just once a term.A term is 13 weeks so its not that bad.My parents were both working and they still came for Parent evenings.I hated them going and wished they were one of those parents who could not be bothered but it made me sit up.As MMotimo has said failure to afford or look for extra curricular activities(strangely some of these activities are not soo expensive esp if you look at the local authority funded ones not even as expensive as some aso ebi you might never wear again),working all the hours God sent to be able to build 5 houses in Nigeria.Building houses in Nigeria is not a bad thing but balance is needed.Some people though have to work very long hours though just to make ends meet esp those who are lone parents so won't generalize and disparage all who work long hours cos i know my husband parents worked long hours in the 70's but i guess the difference here is they went back to Nigeria in the 80's.

In all may God help us all in this parenting business.

biolabee: True but each parent has their set of priorities and will achieve it based on THEIR OWN scale of preference

A child needs to be pushed to the limit of his potential so as to be achieve his destiny but this should be done with patience so as not to alienate the child

What if he finds out that he was just a local champion and not cut off for the big league

Has anyine watched this movie

Parental Guidance

True that about every parent having their own scale of prefrence.Some parents ambition for their daughter is to marry a rich man.Simples .All the private sch is to that end.

Its scary though to think that your child might just not be intellectually sound seriously.
I think thats where the onus falls on effort.If your child is a C potential i think without the push or an enabling enviroment they might go down the D or E path.And all these 'experts'dont help,they way they keep harping on about how the early years are very fundamental in a childs academic life,so why wont i put a lil pressure to make sure my child is not another black statistic.Oloun o nije.

Esp in the UK(hubby thinks am paranoid)but i just think academically odds are stacked against black kids.Some of the factors for this have already been mentioned i.e single parenting,poverty and let me add my own Owambe i must belong mentality.When Daddy and mummy just want to work that dead end job(am not looking down on any job oh its the motive am looking at i respect the working man)with all the hours God can send so they can buy gold and do 40th birthday party and change 6 times,what time is there is to monitor the childs progress.I have aunties moan to me about going to parent evenings Like really?If you dont go for parent evenings how will you know where your child needs help?

As a christian though,i think asking God for wisdom on how to raise a well rounded child who is able to reach his/her full potentials is important.

I agree Biola and my hubby keeps telling me that academics( the way we were caned into learning times tables )the naija way is not the be all and end all of a childs achievement.I am learning to ease up a lil and stop the comparison.

My daughter teacher keeps telling me ease up mummy she is doing well.I guess its just the first child syndrome.

Dylesxia in Naija when i was growing up is just an Olodo who could not spell

I can soooo relate to this article. Am just remembering how i was flipping out when my daughter was classed as on the lower end of class based on numeracy. I practically clugged the whole house with numbers and in 3 weeks holidays she made a vast improvemrnt.I banned peppa pig,princess whatever and was a real meanie(after much harrassing in short if it was possible to be counting rice on the plate i woild have made her).Her teacher could not get over the progress in 3 weeks.

Do i feel bad?A lil.Do i regret it?Not really.Maybe some kids need pushing

[quote author=biolabee]No wahala

Ladies be patient and show your strength as you have shown over the ages.guide your partners with humble love and you will reap this desired result


[b]The issue is a conflict between men's traditional roles with modern realities

[/[/b]quote]

The bolded sums up the issues modern marriages face.Not just the man but the woman as well.The most important thing is know Yourself and know your partner.Cos someone pays verbal compliments all the time does not necessarily mean he is a better husband than one who does not.If my husband pays me a compliment i know he means it and its not vain or just lip service.Its just that he says things as it is and wears his heart on his sleeve(annoying sometimes cos its vice versa if the soup is salty he will say it and not eat it with love and shut up he will say you know salt is not good for us).I used to get upset intially but then i realised that this man is honest,no pretence no airs.I can be ME with him,i can say my love do u think this hair style will look good on me and i will get a straight answer.I generally rarely take offence so my personality matches his and we work together.Another couple might be different.So as i said Woman know thyself.

Funny and should be taken at face value.Very witty as well.I dont get why people are taking sides on whether its true or not take a chill pill peeps .

Generalisations tend to be just that,generalisations which this article utilises to a t.There is no one size fits all prototype for marriage jare.Like life you have the good days and you have the bad ones.

I sha hope people are not coming on NL to get marriage prototype on good and bad marriage cos if they are,they are on a very looooong ting.

Awwww.Bless him.Unfortunately i really have not experienced such(its more like the other way round i have to take permission to fast most times sef ).

Maybe try to talk about it in a joking manner.Try not to come across as resenting the fasting and prayer(there is no such thing as too much prayer) but as you are trying for a baby maybe joke that Faith without works is dead . Dont be anxious about the whole having a baby thing though,He makes all things beautiful in His time.Enjoy this time with your man as much as possible.Thank God you have a man who knows God.Those other things can be learnt.

I would have suggested some more radical things but if your hubby is very very spirikoko it might come across as offensive.As baby said it might be like you cant battle the flesh.Is your relationship very formal i.e sis bro kind of thing?

Siena: We tried Pampers and Huggies.

Pampers leaked a lot, just once was enough to get them seeping. Huggies was marginally better, but not great. Toujours and Tescos are the best. Pampers is more about Brand, rather than practicality. Very overrated, for what they cost.

Toujours and Tescos pull-up pants are excellent, our eldest uses them, while the little one uses size 4 regular diapers.

Yeah i agree,kept on having leaks overnight with Huggies. So i switched to Tesco own brand and dont regret it cheaper too by the way.Also this toujours is it the one in a blue and pink pack sold in lidl?might just buy a pack to try.

My son is actually teething at the mo but he is having it easier than his sister did.

I really think there is nothing you can do about the stooling maybe prob reduce milk a lil depending on the age(this can mostly suit over 12 months babies)who are now eating solids.Note a lil though cos toddlers still need their calcium.

Also you can rub teething gel on her gums for relief and get her clean things to chew on ie teethers maybe those ones u can put in the fridge.

All in all it will pass,its for her own good, fried chicken tastes better with teeth
Dont worry your princess will be fine

MMotimo: @Jide

Who is lemon and what's the talk about multiplying money and spending yours on yourself?

I agree with Biola, the younger generation is more into the openness and cooperation when it comes to household finances. I do not know a single couple in my parents' circle that have joint anything. It's MY account, MY tenants, MY shares, MY land, etc then OUR church and maybe OUR children . In my Naija circle, which is a small one by the way, I know of only one jointer couple. My best friend is a jointer though but she's from a different culture.

. . . . . and thanks for announcing my 6 decades on a public forum

@ damiso

Ok but even for those who have to ask, if it works for their marriage, does it really matter to any of us? Naija women are very full of "I can't take that" even though they accept worse from their own husbands. Personally, don't like to put mouth in other people's marriages and the way they do things. Even my own Father doesn't get how/why I handle household finances and everything is joint

@ biolabee

That your crush Is she Ada or Kishanna Sands? Or is Kishanna Bahamian-Igbo?

Mmotimo i agree with you on it not being anybody's business.I am a no 1 advocate for letting people be as long as they are ready to live with the consequences of their actions or inactions.I am not one who would let anyone feel bad if a friend is comfortable being a SAHM(i know loads of people cant just mind their own bizwax and keep making the woman feel bad)then so be it,if it works for them.

My comment was more like a general one,esp as you touched on affordability.If a woman has to be nagging for funds,it might probably be a good idea to find a source of additional income.Its either one he cant afford living expenses or 2 he just wants to sweat her or 3 he sees her as a liability.

So so sad.My husband and daughter too love dogs but for now i dont think one is on the cards.Thats why i get upset when i take my kids to the park and some kind menacing looking dogs are left to roam around without proper supervision from their owners.And dont even get me started on dog poo


That said though i think this was a really unfortunate accident.

biolabee: Wow .. The man that invented grammar

That's some strong ish there

At no age will I consider it though I agree with you about time to let each child grow before another one shows rather than an assembly line thing gbish bash
bosh

Women nowadays have careers and having children in short intervals can be disruptive and wear out the

At times, I see some mothers with toddlers 4, 1.5 and a 3 month old and I feel for them

E no easy
Still waiting for any comments on my earlier post

Having more than one child under 5 can be sooo tiring . That said i dont think i would have intentionally wanted a very long gap. I know if it happens it happens but i really would not want a screaming baby in my ear again after my last child is no longer really dependent on me.I guess i am a lil selfish but once i start sleeping properly again or going out without baby sitting issues,i dont think i would want to go back there again.

MMotimo: Asking for soup money? In Naija, the cash management was one of my chores. I made the ATM withdrawals and was saddled with running from machine to machine when the yeye networks crashed

Over here, my debit and credit cards access everything, we have joint access and I still manage the cash flow.

As for trust, THAT just might be the biggest challenge.

No MMotimo i was not referring to you o.I was just saying generally if a woman has to be chasing her man around for allowance or housekeeping she probably has no business being at home.

ifyalways: I can't live with the thought of something inside me.i believe the coil won't let you balance well and kpekus as much you want

I jejely went for once a quarter injection.serves me just right.

Lol Ify and kpekus.I had mine fitted when.my baby was exactly six weeks.Kpekus was awkward first time after that.But after that go on soun.cant even feel it anymore.Kpekus unlimited.Even with quarterly injections i will forget.So long term was the best formr.

chaircover: Going to Church is not just about Praise worship sermon and offering and if you are in the right church you will see that it is a community.

My husband is very active in the church, so I see first hand that there is a lot more to just going to church and a lot goes on behind the scenes.

Lets not forget that Many people go to church for various different reasons, some are lonely, some want a friend, some need an encouraging word for that time, some just want someone to talk to and that is why men should also be there to help and encourage these people. The women cant do it alone.

There is a shortage of men in church and its sad because there presence is really needed. They are the leaders of the home and they should be the one nourishing the family with Gods word and leading by example.

One cant go wrong with the word of God and it can be applied in all situations. It feeds and waters you anywhere that you find yourself; It will help you to live with your wife and children in your marriage, how to treat your neighbours, the poor and needy, How to deal with temptation, disappointment, fear and so many different emotions and situations that we find yourself in.

Pastors are only human, so they do sometimes get it wrong and some sermons can be but one should look at the bigger picture. Staying at home because a pastor said the wrong thing or you didnt like the way you have been asked to pay for an offering is not the answer. If you dont like your church and you feel that you are not growing, then please find another church but please dont stay at home.
at home.

I am a leader in my church as well and madam CC your post more or less used to be my sermon to my husband.I then realised that in a way i was making it a my church is better than your church argument.As i said even though i am a leader in my church(its a small parish) studying the Word and paying attention to some things is making me question why i am serving?Is my service tied to genuine love or the fact that i feel i am almost indispensable in my parish?My husband who i am trying to convert to my "spirit filled" church does he sometimes not even bear the fruit of the spirit than even me self?Who am i to judge that all members of the anglican communion are simply not as good a christian as i am because the leadership of the church have compromised on some stuff i.e gay marriage,female bishops etc(though the new archbishop of canterbury is very traditional).Has my husband's vicar not shown as much love to my family as my pastor(sometimes more sef cos he did not check tithe record to write a recommendation for my daughter to get into the school she presently attends).In all sha I agree that a man needs the Word in most areas of life.