₦airaland Forum

Chubhie:
I agree with you. But then, shitt happens and you find yourself in this scenario. What are you gonna do? Divorce, Endure or get her help and support?

Problem is, most times, like in the above story, the person doesn't even know or realize she/he has a problem or is in denial. She blames everybody but herself. She thinks others, even her most intimate others are the problem. There is no cure for a proudly ignorant person. Such a person won't seek help nor would she/he submit to be helped.

A problem diagnosed is half solved. If however the person acknowledges she has a problem and is angry enough to solve it then her intimate others can and should help.

Without this there's no end to the kind of misery a broken person can dispense even to the people who love and support them.

Chubhie:
Your mother is basically exhibiting symptoms while responding to her triggers. There's a root cause. Her soul is crying out for help and it can get frustrating when nobody, not even her loved ones can pick her soul clues.

Your father failed to work on his woman. Take her to specialists and get her evaluated first.

Half-truth. The first part of first paragraph, true.

People who are broken and full of baggages should never get married till they sort themselves out. Your husband and kids are not your therapist. They deserve a whole wife/husband/mum/dad. They deserve to be loved, cherished and nurtured.

Getting married when you know you are broken is a pain and trauma sharing recipe that has no end and whose consequences reverberates down generations . It's either cowardice or ignorance or both that make people do it.

First things first, heal thyself first.

First off, you are suffering from clinical depression. Second off, go and see a therapist. Or treat yourself through meditation. Best wishes

Remember you during NYSC camp in Rivers State back in the day. So full of life. So uninhibited to being herself and living. RIP beautiful one.

Mahrhimah:
This mail. Is inactive. Please how can I get your numner

Let me know when you get this.

Serial leadership failure. Serial incompetence at the helm of affairs. The story of Nigeria.

Anything but Jonathan.

Anything but Buhari.

This kind of thinking will produce the same kind of abysmal result always.

Let's elevate our thinking to 'what kind of man or woman will make this nation a great nation to live, work and do business'

revontuli:
Eating out is one thing I miss from America, it's so cheap even the dead broke poor people can afford to go to a half-decent diner.

Here it's a luxury for special occasions like wedding anniversary. There is cheap work lunch buffet where they have decent food, it's not the best but quite ok.
I've never paid €50 or even €40 for a meal, no way! I can cook the best steaks for 2 and it still won't cost anywhere near that.

Finns are lively when they are drunk. Not when they are sober.

True that. A friend told me that if you engage in small talk with people you don't know over there they'll mistake you for a drunk

NwaAmaikpe:



Paul Allen was a scheming narcissistic scum.
Microsoft is better off without his negative energy.

He brought very little to the table, wasn't keen about innovations because his only interest was just the profitability of the company.

Rubbish ignorant talk.

Paul was the more ideas and innovative guy. His brain was full of them. Microsoft suffered innovation-wise when he left.

Gate's forte was more of decision making, deal making and the business side of things. He left Microsoft when he couldn't deal with Gate's crude human management.

They are just beginning to get it right again after Gates left and put the right people to head the company.

Your early childhood sexual abuse experiences have distorted your sexual orientation and God knows what else. You have embodied the trauma. You need to heal from that for your own good.

Go see a good therapist . It's a good place to start. Alternatively, send me a pm, let's see how I can be of help.

[sub][/sub]

This is an area not covered by medical science. Mind, body and spirit are interconnected. Doing the surgery, might have triggered what had happened in the original trauma event.

The feelings you felt must be somehow related to the original events surrounding the trauma.

The body and the mind cannot be separated.

Revontuli, quite an impressive thread you have here. Good writing too.

DanjaNinja:
Dear Mum,

They said you were beautiful.
They said you were kind.
They also said you were very nice.

They tell me stories of how you would host the entire family - brothers, sisters, uncles, aunties, cousin - for Sunday Lunch: Jollof Rice with Secret Sauce and Chicken. They say till this day, no one does Jollof Rice any better. They say every Christmas, you would make clothes for everyone - you were a fashion designer. Sadly i dont remember any of it for you died three years after i was born.

Three years. I was three years old and my sister- your last child, was one, when you passed away. How is it that i lived within you for nine months, lived on your milk for four months, gave you endless sleepless nights for several months and yet, I don't remember you? I have searched the deep recesses of my memory, every nook and cranny stiil, i cant find you. I don't know what you sounded like or what your touch felt like. I've seen your pictures but it feels like we never met. I would have preferred growing up with you and i know you would have wanted the same but life had a different plan for us. God knows best they say.

There is something uniquely irreplaceable about a mother's love they say. No matter how another tries, its sadly not the the same. But mum, wherever you currently are, i want you to know that your sister - Aunty G, whom i call mum has done an excellent job. If she had not told me she wasn't my biological mother, i wouldn't have known any better. She loved my sister and i like her own. There were no preferential treatments - whatever she gave her kids, we got - even better in some cases. She made sure we never felt your absence and i must confess she succeeded. Mum, I had an amazing childhood. Kai i was stubborn o. Not troublesomely stubborn but curiously stubborn. I was always curious and wanted to know more and i was a certified trouble maker - chai, dem flog me well well...lol. Life has been good to me, i attended good schools, made amazing friends and i have so much to be thankful for.

Why am i writing this Mum? I just want the world to know that true love, Love that knows no preference nor self-interest,still exist and it can be learnt. I have seen it, your sister lived it. So it saddens me to see people suffer in pain cos they lost their mothers. We saw no pain. God, through your sister made it so. I pray that she lives long enough to experience the fruits of her love and sacrifice. If i don't take care of her, mum, biko, wherever you are, "KNOCK ME". Knock me with the spirit of Gratitude cos i would be ungrateful not to reciprocate your sisters love. Please know that i will forever love you, i will forever miss you and i will forever be grateful for the love that you shared with those who lived with you.

P.S: I want to use this medium to encourage everyone to look beyond ethnicity, religion and race in loving your neighbor as yourself. All we need in this world is love, patience and understanding. We are not perfect but we can help those around us if we try.

One Love My Pe,ople.

You made me almost shed a tear. I just holla m with alacrity. Thanks for sharing. There are still good people in this world.

MissJoy29:
I couldn't agree more with your first paragraph. I learnt a lot on this thread. I'm in a much better position to understand our doctors more although they also need to step up more.

I haven't found answers yet. 3 weeks after; visiting the hospital 3 times; even overdosing on pain killers & ear drops; going through mind blowing physical pain, I still haven't found answers. But I will still continue to search for it.
Thanks for asking.

Okay cool.

If you are in the place where you are now willing and ready to look at alternative answers, diagnosis of cause and solutions you can pm me so we can have a healthy discussion about it.

I am a certified health coach and therapist and healed myself of an autoimmune disease. Just so you know where I'm coming from.

MissJoy29:
I just hope this writing will be able to adequately capture my frustration, disappointment & dissatisfaction with the Nigeria Medical Doctors in particular & the Health sector in general.
I also apologise in advance for the long post.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been sceptical about going to hospitals. The attitude of the health workers there are nothing to write home about. Both the private and the public hospitals. Even though I still believe that public hospitals are far better than the private hospitals(especially the average ones) in terms of quality service(although you run the risk of dying before you are attended to due to how slow they are).

There are so many anomalies in our hospitals. I have seen & heard really bizzare stuffs going on. From the nonchalant, impatient and highly unprofessional attitude of the attendants, the unhealthy environment, the cranky and harsh attitude of the nurses, the fact that there's also "who you know mentality" when lives are at stake, the subtle way they bill you unnecessarily by paying for almost everything you do in the hospital(consultation fee, file retrieval fee, unit fee, buying of this & that for your treatment that you will end up leaving for them), the lack of medical equipment, the walking up & down paying for one thing or another at different times(even when you are not fit)instead of paying at once,the number of unqualified & seasoned doctors, the location of a hospital's laboratory on the last floor of a three-storey building(like, who does that!!!!), the high cost of drugs and other medical supplies in the hospital's pharmacy as opposed to their cost outside etc.

But I have a particular area I want to focus on.

THE ATTITUDE OF THE NIGERIAN DOCTOR
This thread was born out of my experiences this week at a teaching hospital. These experiences brought back all the others I have had to push to the back of my mind a long time ago for lack of an appropriate channel to express them. For the purpose of this thread, I'm going to use my experiences at ABSUTH (Abia State Teaching Hospital), LASUTH (Lagos State Teaching Hospital), LUTH (Lagos University Teaching Hospital), National Orthopaedic Hospital Igbobi & few private hospitals as yardsticks to buttress my grievances. I'm also going to put into consideration, the attitude of my close friends who are medical personnels.

Note: I'm not here to compare hospitals. I'm only using them to show that the attitudes of the doctors I met there may actually be same(or at least, almost same) with all of them in the country.

Firstly, if I have met 15 medical doctors, only 1 turned out to be sympathetic and humane. Apart from my family doctors and this sympathetic doctor, I don't think I will ever recognise any of the doctors I have seen again. But after 5 years or so, I still recognised him when I saw him again recently at same hospital(and I have memory problems) Why? He was probably the first doctor I ever saw who actually listened cos they WANT TO not cos they HAVE TO. There's a big difference. Most of them just hear you. They don't listen & they don't allow you talk. That's why they ask you questions based on what THEY THINK you feel & not on what you KNOW you feel.

Secondly, these doctors (except my humane doctor) make it look as if they are doing you a favour when they tell you about your ailment. It's as if they want you to pay consultation fees before they explain in details what you are passing through. What am I saying? One actually told me that! Inasmuch as I think majority of them don't actually know their profession that well, I still wonder why they choose to withhold & hoard information. It's bad enough they don't tell on their own without being asked. But it's even worse they withhold when asked. I have recurring ear ache that comes like every 2 years. This time around I asked the doctor (on the advice of a friend) what the cause of the problem is so I can avoid it. And he opened his mouth & said to me, "get solution first. What do you need the cause for? I was stunned to say the least!
Thirdly, they are always very harsh & impatient. You come in to a doctor's office, 30 seconds later, you are out with a piece of paper filled with their illegible writing just cos they are more concerned with what they are scribbling based on what they THINK you are going through than on what you are actually saying. They are hurrying to see as many patients as possible to collect as much money from them as possible and also to go to their private clinics. So no adequate time allocated to a patient.

Again, because of the attitude of some of these doctors, I'm really not surprised why I detest private hospitals because majorly, they are still the ones that establish it. The main reason why I hardly go to private hospitals is because I don't understand why someone will be, say an E.N.T doctor in a public hospital, but will end up being a GENERAL practitioner in his/her private hospital. They are now automatic Ob/gyn, optometrist, dentists, surgeons, paediatricians etc. I can't count the number of times they have mistreated cases they are supposed to refer to specialists like professionals do.

After venting like this, I'd like to hear from the house. Knowing that people in the medical profession are supposed to be warm, humane, sympathetic, kind, friendly, patient, a listener, polite, knowledgeable, seasoned, capable etc, why then do you think most Nigerian medical doctors are cold, nonchalant, impatient, unkind, harsh, rude, condescending? Is it because that's who they are normally or are there some things in the sector and/or in the training process that turn & change them into the aforementioned? Doctors in the house & non-doctors like me, over to you.

Everything you wrote up here is on point. I actually share such views about the medical profession. Read through some of the comments and I think both sides of the argument have enriched the discussion sufficiently.

Will digress to something that I feel is equally important. Have you found answers, the cause and the solution to the recurring ear problem yet?

eosigwe:
but all this niggaz saying they can't get over it.. like WTF... how? you were molested at the age of 4,5,6,7 or even 8 and right now you are 28, 29, 30+ and you saying you can't get over it, you hate women, your John Tommy does not erect, you have lost confidence, yen yen yen. That is total bullshit. Total crap. You guys are weak. You have erectile dysfunction. Quit excessive masturbation. Those situations you experienced as a child are not the cause of your sexual problems right now. I was seriously molested by our househelp for 4 years. Between 4 and 8 years. If I hear say I never get over am. So much weakness in the world mehn. Everyone's seeking sympathy.

Modified.

Please for those misquoting me, I do not support such abominable act. Child molestation is totally wrong. Be it a male child or a female child. It's completely wrong. Offenders should be severely punished. But that you were wrongly touched at 4 and you cannot perform your sexual duty at 34, that is not the cause. You should seek treatment.

In your mind you are a smart alpha know - all male, right? Wrong man, you know nothing about what you are pontificating about. You know nothing about what trauma and abuse can do to a young vulnerable mind. As our makeups are different so is the way each of us reacts to abuse.

You might have been lucky or nature may have given you a resilient psychology or perhaps you are ignorant of how those early sexual experiences have distorted you.

Whichever one it is, just stay humble and be open to learn from other people's perspectives and truths.

Glory to God! I celebrate with Elo's family and with Christ Embassy.

Elder001:
You need that wisdom the more. Dunce

May you be falsely accused of rape so you'll know how it feels like. This is the same way Canadian PM Justin Trudeau was behaving until he was falsely accused of sexual harassment and he changed tone.

It might be you, your father or your brothers tomorrow. Enjoy the attention I've given you today.

Hahaha. Bye Mr. No time.

Elder001:
It's hard being cool on this site.

Did you comprehend my post at all? I said I don't agree or disagree with her post.

Guy, read that your rubbish post slowly for some understanding and while at it ask God or the universe for some wisdom. You need it.

Elder001:
Why didn't she say this earlier?? is it because he wants to get married now that she's coming out?

A 16year old girl can speak out, is it not in this same country that 8year old kids are exposing rapists and paedophiles?

I'm not discrediting or agreeing with her post and I don't in anyway support rape but too many men have been falsely accused of rape so I think carefully before believing rape allegations.

How'll she prove she was actually raped or not because as it is now DNA or foresenic test can't prove anything, BTW statutes of limitations is 2years.


As usual I expect this to get to front page, when a man is accused of rape or sexual harassment it gets to front page within a twinkle of an eye but when a woman is accused of rape or sexual harassment it hardly make front-page.


One of the leaders of #metoo Asian Argento was accused of rape 6days ago and the threads were everywhere on nairaland but no one got to front page even though CNN, fox, CBS and major world media outlets carried it.

Even instablognaija didn't carry it but they remembered to post this one.


https://www.nairaland.com/4688241/asia-argento-one-harvey-weinsteins

Beautiful nonsense. You've made no iota of sense.

Why didn't she say this earlier? Because, assuming her allegations are true, it takes a lot of courage for someone who has been raped to open up, or even worse, go public, especially here in Africa, where she will be abused, mocked, judged and shamed.

And this one you've turned Voltron for rapists, are you one of them? If you are, change your ways. Rape damages both the victim and the abuser. Yes, the abuser eventually. Be advised.

Tokziby:
The last of the best Super Eagles squad we ever had...

That team could have taken us to the Q/finals or even the semis if it wasnt for NFA and money issues.

we still missing;

Oliseh With his timely tackle, telegraphic pass and ferocious shots

Jay Jay the midfield maestro and magician

Finidi george, once rated the best right winger in the world

Celestine babayaro, the best LB Nigeria ever had

Victor Ikpeba, the prince of Monaco

Wow memories, once upon a time when quality footballers were scattered round the globe.

Good post.

One important correction though : Ben Iroha is the best left back this country have ever had.

Hi Vululadilolo

From the things you've written here I have no doubt in my mind that you need a therapist to sort this out. The issue can be sorted in few sessions and you can get your old self back.

Chastity was a core value of yours. You built your life around it. Now that it has been forcefully taken from you without your permission you've lost your sense of self and feel violated at the core. In essence you are having identity crisis.

You can overcome this trauma, build yourself up again and build even more solid convictions about your life, worth, righteousness and wholeness. You can even use this blip as the trigger to become a huge success and a channel of life to the world.

It's not the end of the word. Your worth and value and the love you have for yourself can even be far greater than it ever was. Believe me. I am a professional therapist and I can help you get there.

PS : if you are willing to do a phone session with me to resolve this fast pm me. Otherwise, go find a good therapist and sort yourself out.

Best wishes

Ikiri. Evil man. If there was any justice in the world men like these should have been locked up for life - nga mkpuruoka. But this is Nigeria...

Two world wars and one world cup, England, England
Two world wars and one world cup, England all the way!

If wishes were horses...

But never say never.

Reno is a big fool. Can you show the recording or the transcript of the said bashing of PDP and the endorsing of APC by Oby?

Oby that was invited by APC as a keynote speaker and she used the occasion to roundly vilify and rebuke them. In fact, as she spoke her truth to the polithiefcians, many of them wanted the ground to open so they can hide in shame.

And this fool is bitter because she stood for and spoke the truth against GEJ's misadventure of a government.

Oby has always spoken truth to power, no matter how uncomfortable or unpopular.

Madam Oby, if you are reading this just know there are Nigerians who really see you and love you to bits. You have the balls of a million men. You are a rare gift to this worrisome country and to humanity.

Oby for the Nobel Peace prize! One day we will hala your name and those who spoke evil against you will eat their words in shame.

Naansense and ingredients!

My respect for Ighalo just went off the roof now. That's a leader right there. If only Buhari will learn from this young man and take responsibility for the wanton killings all over the north...

By the way, I hold the coach responsible for yesterday's loss, not you bro. He is a murutum imkpavum.

Forget the misses, forget the officiating, the truth is that as a team, we were just not good enough.

There were glaring problems in our game yesterday which the Argentines capitalized to punish us and I blame the coach for not correcting them in the course of the game.

The left side of our defence was shaky throughout the match and Rohr failed to respond till the end. Idowu was poor in the game and left huge gaps behind him, leaving Omeruo open in the defence. He was ineffective and should have been substituted in the match especially in that critical last 10 minutes. What was Rohr waiting for to change Idowu? He had Ebuehi and Echiejile to choose from. Even Ogu did so well in that position during some of our friendlies.

Also, the defensive midfield position should have been fortified in the last 15 -10 minutes to also help the troublesome left side of our defence. Ogu should have been brought on here to build a solid wall in front of our defenders. Yet our coach failed to react even with the many changes Argentina was making in their attack.

We went to the World Cup with a bad bench. True. But there were some good players like Iwobi, Ebuehi and Ogu that could have been given more opportunity to help the team.

A horrible opening match with Croatia, a good second match with Iceland and an average performance against Argentina. That's our World Cup scorecard.

A part of me likes Rohr and wants him to stay because we've not had a quality coach like him in ages while another part wants him sacked for a better, more vibrant and driven coach that will take us to the top.

What say thee? Should he be allowed to continue coaching the Super Eagles or should he be sacked?

cc Semi4lyfe, honerico01

For you all saying it can't happen just shut up already! When you are sexually abused at an early age it might affect the part of your mid-brain responsible for sexual development and result in changes in sexual behaviour or even sexuality.

So yes, it's possible these horrible early experiences turned him gay.

German machine! Never say die!

Dis Brandt na winch! Damn!

End of the road for Germany

E don happen! Boateng red carded!