₦airaland Forum

omonnakoda: Mikel needs to leave Chelsea

and go where? Al Ahly?

Why? Because he scored a goal against Uruguay? Bunch of Jokers! He played well in the Afcon though but other players like Pitroika, Bance, Victor Moses equally impressed. I think Vincent Enyeama should be on the top list though.

She said the right thing though but knowing the kinda people Nigerians are (not wanting their yansh to be blown), they will probably not entertain her again in the Nigerian entertainment scene.
But then, she just might be wrong, because according to this site, kidney transplant could cost up to $200k in some cases
http://www.transplantliving.org/before-the-transplant/financing-a-transplant/the-costs/

And they even lodge them at hotels! Imagine. These guys must think they owned evertyhing....They should probably be taking their courses at GITMO Kirikiri...let them know this is a civilized society, not a military camp.

Whoever wrote this did so on his own...If he wrote for men (and on behalf of men), how come our signatures are not on the write up? How can u claim to be a man and you leave out one of our most important toys - football! The writer is a boy, not a man. The Association of Real Men (Nigeria Branch) will soon come out with a press release to refute this impersonation....

Our very own Mother Theresa!
Oh! So Ty Bello's Ekundayo song was made for her? I heard the voice on the song but thought she was Ty Bello's grandmother or something. Oh, very touching. God bless her memory.

Duchaello: U TEY MADT API??Na everybody tey lie?wetin dey do u sef....abegi get a life joor wehre

Lolz. Don't get madt! Why the thing come dey pain you like boil. well, nor be everybody dey tell lie but we sabi the cooked up ones, like urs... But then, its funny...my opinion on it doesnt count, does it? But u self, arrange your lie well before u post am...BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YA!

I was just about to post this, then I thought I should check through first. how can this be monthly payment? I no wan believe abeg.

johnstar: ok, rest in p**sy

God wan punish person for here?

kehinde1588: tanx bros,u get 2000 likes for that. I tink i need an English teacher.hope my grammar does nt show am lieing again?

Kennis Musik cool down all na play play na...if na so u write am for school u nor for dey where u dey na...so na just play play my pal

obadiah777: WELL DAYUMMM . BUT WHO IS CHIEF ONOCHIE IKENUA ?

Obey, what is DAYUMMM?

cigar icon: Kai una don kee me with laf oh

Now here is mine; ok i was 6 then and usualy steal meat from mummy's pot. This faithful day i went to do my thing, i took a verry big peice of meat into my mouth but the meat was preety hard so i decided to spend my time to chew it but unfortunately my momsi came into the house and called my name
MUM: Samuel
ME: (from the kitchen) yes mummy
I imediately swallowed the meat but unfortunately it stuck in my gullet due to the size. In order to buy time to swallow the stuff u quickly went to the fridge to get andrew livers as if my tummy was paining me. Mummy asked; samuel what is wrong with you ? And i said i had stomach ache but as she turned to leave, she saw that her pot of stew was not covered. She just grab my hand for where i dey struggle to swallow the stewpid meat drag me go her bedroom where i go receive hot beating. hehehe

This is the maddest so far, I swear. I don laugh die!

ogb5: I could not play pranks, who do I want to play pranks on?

One funny played by my friend was that he told his semi-literate father that the amoeba we were using for experiment in the lab jumped through the window and ran into the bush. And that the school said we should pay for it. The dad had to send the money quickly

Lwkmd! Eventhough na lie, the thing funny die...I only read the first 2 lines n already laughed my head off. Keep the lies coming abeg. 9/10

Chrisjane: Mine was back then in sec sch. It was a boarding sch. Hence, students were only allowed 2 go home during vacations r emergencies. I had a boil on my knee. It wasn't life threatening bt I pretended 2 be in great pain. It saved me 4rm d seniors' incessant bullying. I sent 4 my mum(now late, God bless her soul) 2 cum n take me home dat I was in great pain. Wot I realy wantd was 2 go home, see my siblings, watch movies, eat home food (a nice change 4rm sch food). She came d nxt day 2 take me home bt d quack nurses..lol.. in my sch sick bay insisted dat they 'll treat me properly. My mum agreed, bought some tins 4 me n went bak home. I was so disappointd cos I've already boastd abt d hot rice I was goin 2 eat at home.

Sad story RIP to your dear mum.
As for you, try harder next time...break your leg instead, that'll work. Keep it up

[quote author=C'est moi]nva played any prank bt my younger bro will take out of dad's wine n refill wit water bt my pman didnt react,maybe he didnt suspect anythng.a day came wen he asked my bro 2 sweep his room bt my bro played a fast 1 on my dad n lied dat he had swept d room.unknowingly,my dad left a piece of paper on d floor 2 test him.he rcivd d insult of his lyf dat day.can dis be classified as a prank?[/quote]Hmmmm, well, at all at all na im bad pass...This cannot be categorically categorized as a prank...It is better described as a descriptive essay...Try harder c'est moi. Try harder. I believe you can do it...

lordZOUGA: it is very stupid for me to lie here. I don't see any reason why I will do that.
the rename feature is not a TV feature but from the decoder. if you have a decoder, check the menu and reply here with what you find. each channel can be renamed.

Nor vex bros...but that time when I been young, na only black and white TV we get...the antenna dey our roof. You go need ladder take climb reach the frying-pan-like dish to adjust the TV...one person iside (near winder) to dey direct u while u dey on top ladder, sweating and shouting for response. (E don clear? No? Make i turn am? Right or left?) My uncle try that time eh, nor be small thing

Victoriousvic: Prank on my parents?? I wan die? That one, dem no born me well o

Haba! Your parents be soldiers?

dojumav: See me see trouble dat day o... I decided to scare the shit out of mum c. Twas around 9pm dat day, waiting for her to come back from church.. Na so i hide for back of gate o, covered with mosquito net.. As she enter like dis na so i just grab her handbag... Come see shout, she run leave her hand bag....come see shout... Come see blood of Jesus.... D kind beating wey i recieve dat day no be small

Dem suppose carry you go church for fried oil deliverance...cos na Shina Rambo take play play start...

kehinde1588: Rememba in my primary sch days,i didnt want 2 go 2 sch cos i did sumtin bad 2 one of ma class mates and i tot she might tell our anty and i wud b disgraced and flogged on assemble. On my way 2 school wit mum i just shouted yeeeeee mum ori mi o(my head) mum asked: wat happened i said i felt a severe head and i felt like sum pple ar poundin and druming on my head started cryin.dat stunned my mum and we had 2 go bak home. Som mints after i started playin.my mum knew i was liein bt cud nt do anytin again cos it was 2 late 2 go bak 2 school. Later in d night i recieved a hot cane 4 liein.

Even your grammar is enough to tell us the truth...Thanks for the lies though. Good job!

lordZOUGA: I didn't prank much but I lied enough.
one prank I remember is this:
we had cable tv and my mum has this show she watches by 8pm every Thursday. this same show coincides with the showtime of a cartoon I enjoy watching. when the time comes, my mum will put the show and ignore our(the children's) protests.
anyway, I couldn't stand it. to fix my problem, I went and renamed the title of the channel that always plays her show to the title of a channel that always shows "scrambled channel" and then switched their positions in the channels menu. so that whenever she puts her "show channel", she will get a scrambled channel notice which will then force her to release the TV for us.
It worked.
I left it like that for two weeks but she keeps on checking the channel and gets sad when it is not there. I hated myself for making her sad so I went and undid my changes.

Chei! nna bros, when was this? Last year or two years ago? Because I don't think there were smart TVs to name n rename channels back then according to what the OP meant o...All liars will go to Hell, you just told us a lie here...but don't know where u go land with this wicked lie you fabricated against your lovely mama...

Lolz. Funny! I can imagine the crooked look on your face when u were taking out the 2...looking behind ur back as u use ur spit to erase the 2...and grinning like a dare devil...Kids eh!
can't even recant mine...too plenty. Played dead after draining jar of milk in the fridge, implicated rats in fresh fish bites, poured rice away to hide my part in the reduced quantity, tore out hard to comprehend passages in my English Macmillan because of my lesson teacher who would beat S commot for SHELL to remain HELL...many crooked things as a kid and as a pupil...little devils we were then...

[quote author=PAGAN 9JA][size=16pt]WE SHALL BUILD A NATIONAL SHRINE IN ABUJA![/size] [/quote]Lolz.. and Okija Juju will be the Chief Oracle, right? Great!

I sure say the victim na girl...He wan go lobotomise the girl (in the words of Coogar)... Not strange though. Saw many of his kind when i was a student in Ibadan several years back...'touch n follow', 'kako', 'alu wo', etc Ibadan is notorious for such but I thought the indigenes of Ibadan were the sole culprits but this name and tribe is a new one to me o. Wonders shall never end!

sunsky29: mods.y'll kw am a regular cstmer n nairaland.bt am fed up of commenting jor.hw do i post my topic?

Sunky are u a learner? Go to the section u want, you will see 'create a post', click and create whatever u want to create and then submit it by yourself. Leave it there, send N25000 to the moderators account or go and start praying and fasting for 71 days that it makes it to the front page...that's how we roll it.

Interviewer: So how did u make it and for how much?
Innovator: As you kan see, the car e using rasdiator, escallator, alligator, atanator, 2 plungs..wallahi, i wee collect tree undred and eiti tousund from anybodi that want to buy it from me now now...is car engine na...ehen.

Oh boy, the guy nor dey laugh o. na serious business the guy dey do...no laughing matter...just pay am tree undred and eiti tousund and he wee make one for u. Shikena. Good job. na so Bill gate start jare guy.

What! Pastor Vector scoring points! The shame mout I take call &5*!£ na the shame mout I take call Jehovah...make Jehovah nor go slap people mouth o...Nice one VEC anyway...I am pretty sure he started by saying 'OJB, silver nor gold, I nor get, but wetin i get, i go giv u...that is lyrical prayer... all na stunts

The present EFCC is like a poem we recited in my nursery...sing along if you know it: the old roger.
the old roger is dead and gone to his grave, hmm ah gone to his grave
they planted a mango tree over his head, hmm ah over his head
the mangoes grew ripe n ready to drop, hmm ah ready to drop
a high wind came and blew them all off, hmm ah blew them all off
there came an old woman to pick them all up, hmm ah pick them all up
the old roger got up and gave her a knock, hmm ah gave her a knock
this made d old woman hip pappy hop, hmm ah hip pappy hop...
Ladies n gentle moi moi, that is d end of today's tale by nairaland...see u next weekkkkkk....bye aunty!
EFCC died the day Nuru Ribadu left to contest for presidency. if not that he had an ambition, i am 100% sure ribadu wouldnt have made so much impact as head of EFCC then. he used d platform to campaign for his ambition. The fight against corruption in nigeria is politically defined. Thats y we can never win it. The way out is to put in place mechanism that will check embezzlement, power craze n public office abuse. Thats technocrazy...