Lukmanraji: My gf of seven years has been giving me attitude recently which I noticed sometimes last year. I observed that she always check my phone to look for something to hold against me. Yes, she suspected that I'm having something with someone. So, every time she's around me, she always find one or two thing that will lead to argument and all that. Aside that, the respect, love and intimacy between us reduced drastically.
Fast forward to this year, She successfully read a chat on my phone where I was talking dirty with someone. That's the genesis of the whole mess I'm in right now. She just walked out quietly and decided to end it all. Since then, I've not been myself because this is the person I have planned to live the rest of my life with. So, I started begging her but she's not giving me any green light. I called, messaged her but no response. I asked my Junior brother to beg on my behalf but she didn't succumb to that not until my dad intervened to apologize on my behalf.
So, she call me that we need to see. I rushed to visit her and apologize again and again. She agreed to continue with the relationship but she hasn't forgiven me. After few weeks of the whole issue. I suspected that she's hiding something from me. Then one fateful night, I spy on her phone when she was unlocking her phone. That night, I was able to access her phone while she was asleep.
I checked her WhatsApp, I discovered that she has been clearing her chat with one particular guy who happens to be her friend from NYSC since 2021. They became close as they both work in the same financial institution but in a different branch. Then I went further to her Instagram page to see what's going there.
To my greatest surprise, I discovered that they have been having an affair since 2023. My gf has been throwing herself to this guy, they have been going to the cinema together and other places. On her birthday, my babe and this guy went out together without my knowledge, they both book uber to somewhere without my knowledge, they were both sharing their feelings online, talking about marriage, how to raise their kids irrespective of their religion differences and my babe even throwing herself to the guy for sex. Everything thing I found in their chat especially how my babe has been treating this guy with love and respect is the opposite of how my babe has been treating me lately.
So, I screenshoted all the evidence and save on my phone. I then challenged her that she's cheating on me with that guy but she blatantly denied it. Not until I showed her all the evidences with me before she began to cry fowl and started debunking all I saw. She claimed that they are not true, they were just playing and not into any thing serious. They are friends and that's how they banter each other online. All her excuses were not genuine but I still forgive her on one condition that I don't want to see her with the guy again and she should cut off any form of friendship or relationship between them because I had done something more than that to her just recently and she forgive me.
Meanwhile, during the cause of this issue, I proposed to my gf that we should take this relationship to the next level by seeing her parents this year and maybe by the end of the year, we do the whole thing. The shock response I got from her was that she's not in a rush to settle down with me. Not even this year as she's just healing from the heartbreak I caused her and I can't use marriage to tie her down then I continue breaking her heart. There's no how I tried convincing her that I am a changed man now as I am ready to take responsibility and be a responsible person.
After few weeks, I logged into her whatsapp on my system and then again I found out that she's still talking to this guy and they were even planning on going out again. I got angry and send proof to her but guess what, my babe para for me for cloning her whatsapp on my system. Hell almost let lose that evening. This time around, she felt unapologetic about the primary issue that I warned her to desist from. Funny enough, after close observation, I learnt that they move their chats from whatsapp to Snapchat where their chat is just "view once". Then I knew that this lady is not ready to stop talking to this guy. I have shouted over and over this matter but this time around, my babe is now feeling lackadaisical about this issue.
Right now, my babe is now comfortable with the guy and she's now sitting on defense about this matter. In our last conversation, my GF literarily told me that she doesn't love me anymore. And then she started rewinding all my past during the cause of the relation and using it as an excuse for not been able to love me like she used to. In our conversation, the only thing she didn't mention is that we should go on our separate ways (break up) but everything she said to me indirectly simply means that she is done with me.
I felt unloved as this is the woman I never placed anyone above, this is the woman I've nurtured when we were in school and outside school. I respected her and love her so much that she has become part of me. My parents, family and friends are expecting us to tie the knot soon but here is my babe telling me she's not in love with me anymore. I felt unloved about this whole thing and I'm heartbroken.
I am lost and crying inside silently as I never expected someone I have sacrificed something huge for before to be acting like this to me. I'm depressed. I need mature advise from you guys. Thank you.
Mata has ended already. What are we supposed to do again here?
Obesity: I have something bothering me and I don't know if it's right. My guy is presently not in the country. He is in Ghana and I am in nigeria working. He has introduced me to his mother and the mother accepts me. I am working but there is something the mother is doing that I don't like. In December last year she sent me a list of things to buy for her. She wrote two bags of rice. One for her and one for her sister. Provisions and 5 cartons of noodles and a cash of 50k to buy her Christmas clothes.
So I asked her if the list is for her son, and she said her son doesn't have money yet, that I should buy them. For peace to reign o, I bought the things for her. Something I did not even do for my own mother, I was doing it for another woman. Later again around February she requested for 200k to start palm oil business.
When I told her I don't have, she should ask her son and she said, hope I know my fate is in her hand. That she has the power to make her son not to marry me again. So I sent the money to her. A month later again, she told me her daughter's phone was stolen and that she needs to buy a new phone. So I sent 50k to her and she said the money is not enough that she is using phone of 250k. That I should send extra 200k to her.
And that was when I said no. Enough. I told my fiancée about it and he said does it mean I will not take care of his family when he marries me? I had to tell him that I don't have such amount of money they are demanding. I only earn 80k from my work. And his family is trying to exhaust my savings. I don't have. And he said I should look for a way to give the sister the remaining 200k or I should forget about the marriage.
I have been crying since he told me this. I don't have 200k with me. The only money in my savings is 102K. I don't know what to do. He is so serious about breaking up with me, if I don't give the sister the money.
Help me I need advice on how to solve this. I am afraid of losing him.
Your village people are in control here. Use your tongue to count your teeth, maybe when you are done. You will see the hand writing on the wall. Those people are using you, be wise. A man that wants to marry you will be the one wanting to give you, even if he doesn't have.
rexbuton: Please this topic wants to tear the family apart.
We are doing well, each of us earns almost 85k per year, I'm in IT, she's in healthcare, and we both work full-time. I am a Christian, I have never defaulted in tithing in the last 5 years. Not once. She says tithing is my personal 'problem'. She uses the word problem specifically. She doesn't pay tithe.
This is the present sharing agreement, I bring 70%, she brings 30%. This 70-30 covers the cost of living, groceries, nursery fees for our baby, and other bills. before this sharing, we both bring equal amounts for the house mortgage and the car. When her family needs money, she insists that we share it 50-50 based on her culture.
For my cybersecurity certifications, I pay from my less than 20%, but I have never complained. God has been faithful. My belief is that my tithe covers for the family. The good news is that I won a large sum of money from my savings, tens of thousands of dollars. I intend to pay tithe, and channel most of the money to my professional development so I can earn more. I don't think I deserve that money I won, that money was from God. She thinks otherwise.
What's your opinion?
Lol, I see lots of loopholes in your arrangement. And I agree with the ideology that tithing is a personal thing. If I might add, the correct way to have paid it was a percentage of the family's total income. Which would mean that your family is not paying enough. I won't add anymore there, but to say it's your decision. And to add that as an adult your tithe doesn't cover her. That out of the way, then my critic below.
One can see that though you are trying your damnedest, but you still seem to be financially irresponsible. You place yourself in a scenery where you are almost out of cash at months end without much savings for a rainer day. That would prove catastrophic if your better half is not one to spring to action if you are financially incapable to do somethings. You are setting yourself up for a dangerous predicament. Women regardless of how in love they are or family orientated are not built like men. When push comes to shove many of them tend to start cracking at the seams.
My advice: Set up a family account where funds from both earners go into this account. This account would be responsible for running the family and all other family accrued expenditure. This account should cover schooling for the children, clothes and holidays. Everything you do as a family. The rent too, everything. My suggestion wouldn't have been 70/30 sharing but 50/50. Reason being that you also have to pay 50/50 to her family. I mean, why would madam expect you to pay 70/30 for family and then 50/50 for financial aid? Why won't she take up the heavy lifting when it come to help her family? She is being selfish, am sorry to have to state this, but it's clear in your writing. Once you are able to clear areas where you are leaking funds, you will see that you will have more funds in your arsenal. The excess funds you can direct as the spirit directs and to upgrade yourself. As your personal funds are right now you don't have any right to complain or fight your wife about it. You set that up yourself, on your own. You need to change that. Make all payments equal and also the decision making. If your intent for paying more was due to your wanting to be the man. Then make it more reasonable like for example 55/45 as 70/30 for people earning almost similar is too irresponsible
DaddyCoool: Close. NOT full-fledged wedding with live band and "abroad guy"!
Also you can be sure it is fake because 99.99% of such stories on Nairalander are fake or embelished - to make FP. Almost nobody doing such tells the absolute truth.
On NL if a story seems possibly fake or embelished you can be 100% sure it is
Abroad guy, friend of a friend. Did full fledged trad with live band. Family and friends and even bought brand new car (we latter learned the car was borrowed / leased) as wedding present. Lady was destroyed.
DaddyCoool: How on earth have you hurt a girl by spending all your time and money on marriage ceremony just for sex? SEX! Same sex she fully enjoyed as much as you, and also enjoy with others 4 free!
Yep, now you get the point. That is the irony of it all.
Odebayo4010: My Experience working in a Hotel as a receptionist Open my eye to unimaginable things. So Many things that will make you scared. Working in a hotel will turn you to something else. Avoid it if you can.
Things dey happen there, Especially married women what they're doing they maval, I done hear different sound track I swear, both from married woman and singles. You will see how dey slàughter people's serious girlfriends.
Working at a lodge will make you fear marriage self.
Chai omo I done day fear women like this, many things day happen ooh, imagine both married women ooh, omo if no be to get children I for no near woman say I won marry Especially married women with small small boys. One of them like me and wanted me to be her boyfriend and I refuse, she was angry and stop coming to the hotel.. To marry go hard o.
I have once catch my neighbor wife but I forgot to snap her for evidence. Without an evidence, I decided to keep quiet . This man loves this lady dīe. Come see gift he will pack come back while coming for holiday from work
That's is why I always say cheating is not gender based to confirm, just go to any hotel or guest house to relax or watch ball, u will see many married women coming for short time, many even stay over night, have seen a Soo called men and women of God come to hotel to do short time.
Some times is good to go out especially to some places to see dat dere is nothing in this life and u will appreciate the fact that you need to love your self more than any other person.
For men dat carry dere wives for head, I love my wife I love my wife, you wife dey hotel to do short time with another man, make everyone get sense and trust nobody. Continue later, I wanted to rest for now.
Nothing to learn here guys. Just BS yearns from a frustrated teen
JB0707: My husband and I both live in the uk and we join all our money and investments together, all the properties my husband acquired in Nigeria doesn’t have my name on it, at first I wasn’t bothered but now i am bothered because his family is chaotic. I started asking for my name to be included and i am not ok with the response am getting. I feel i am just working and I have nothing in my name. I love him but I don’t trust his family. Should i keep insisting or start my investment separately. I am just confused
You should know the man you married. Is he a reasonable man? Can you speak with him, will he understand? If Al these are true, then speak with him. Make him see your reason cos you can't be working and financing things that you wouldn't get returns from. Yes, it's for you both bit if your money was also involved, then speak with him and have it changed.. If on the other hand, Oga refuses to bulge. Then let him explain his reasons to you. I doubt there will be any sane reason that would explain why your name was omitted (let's say it wasn't a mistake). But there would definitely not be a sane reason to explain why it can't be changed or why your name can't be added. If there are not changes, then you need to start making your own investments outside those you have done with your husband. Bear it mind that you need to thread carefully or your union might not survive.
grommet: I have tend to notice that the nigerian community “abroad” is toxic. People are just filled with too much gossip, people also try to one up you, you wonder if they are your friends. Some come to your personal life and after its a mess as they come with a wave of drama to it.
Sometimes its annoying being in those spaces because its all about ‘this guy’s wife sleeping with different men who are sleeping with different girls and so on and so forth. It’s kind of annoying
Has anyone noticed this? Thoughts
Lol, if you know you know. Only novices don't know how to use their tongues to count their teeth
She wanted me to deflower her and I refused. I told her to keep her virginity till she gets married since she has managed to keep the virginity for more than 22 years. She got angry, ended the relationship and blocked me on all communication channels till date. It happened in the year 2020.
Tomorrow, she may join some ladies to shout, "All men want is sex".
Should have done the deed. As long as there is mutual respect, all is good
Please don't crucify me yet, just advise me please. Had to utilize a new moniker for this.
I got married last year June and by February 2024, I was transferred to another state for work. I was bored in the city and probably made a mistake. The girl stays in same hotel, and works for a bank, also on a course. So we started talking and one thing led to another. This girl had her phone on audio record the two times we got down and recorded all the audio of the shit we did.
My wife came visiting and of course I defined boundaries the moment wifey was around. A few days back I got high and dozed off, my wife got into my phone saw our chats. Her last chat to me, was regarding the audio. My wife followed through the convo and she sent two 24 minute audios.
Before I could wake, Wifey was already gone from the hotel. And when I checked my phone I saw a long epistle and screen shots of what happened. Now she has called my entire family, friends everybody I know. I am so ashamed of myself.
Is there anything I can do to have her back. Can she ever forgive me.
I feel so bad having betrayed her.
Madam no dey play. She has completely destroyed your personality, your person and your ability to ever recover from this. You will have to leave with the shame of people seeing you and pointing "that shameless man sleeps with young girls". Life is hard. If you've turned a new leave and intend to repent. Then be the adult and clear the air with everyone she has spoken to about this issue. Call family and try to make amends. If you married her traditionally too then that's the way to go. Your people will know what to do. But if you have really repented, then you have to learn to not think with your rod but your head. Then one would ask about how come you already started cheating after only a few weeks of marriage? Don't you have control? Still the trust would have lots of problems and wifey will never forget it, forgive is another issue
Racoon: The citizens are really funny. Admiring a beautiful lady that spoke out against the lawless of soldiers in fueling the fuel scarcity of 1984. Meanwhile, have the situation changed 30 years thereafter? Absolutely no!
The speaking ought to have been more louder now with more affirmative action, but most have leagued with their corrupt oppressors. Ask the chalartan Occupy and Save Nigeria groups of 2012 - 14.
I doubt thats a good way to see it. This is probably distraction mechanism from the governing branch now. Allows them control the narrative, just like Roman emperor's were doing with the colosseum.
Darevofpeace: Although I consider this question a dumb one, I’ll share my considerations. Sex is primarily an instinctive indulgence, and I’m sure goats don’t watch porn to know what to do during sex; chimpanzees and dogs don’t either. It’s like a baby’s first walking steps; it is instinctive—a response to nature’s design.
Humans are born with a sexual primal instinct that calls us to act in a certain way during sexual intercourse. I have heard foxes moan while mating, and it’ll be dimwitted to suggest that it’s a learned behavior. It is nature, just like it is natural to cry when beaten. The summary of my point is that if two virgins get married, they will, to a great extent, know what to do. They’ll know what’s pleasing, what’s painful, what feels good, what should be repeated.
Who taught humans what sex styles are? NOBODY! It’s the instinctive obsession to pleasure that invents even more pleasurable sexual methods. Sex styles must have been as old as mankind, but its labeling and popularity was aided by porn. Porn didn’t invent sex styles; nature did. It is important that intending couples know basic things about their sexual organs, but this should never be taught using pornography. Pornography is a skewed and corrupt imagery of sex. It is everything sex and intimacy is not! It is a bad example.
As Christians, it’s an abomination. Justifying watching porn as a married couple is like learning how to please God from Satan. Your marriage is holy; why involve unholy things? I appreciate the liberty married couples have in marriage, but it’s still subject to holiness. Humans don’t need porn for a fulfilling sexual life in marriage. The primal instinct aided by communication during intimacy is enough for pleasure your partner. Porn is unattainable—60 minutes nonstop thrusting; the perfect bodies and 10 inches joysticks are unreal.
I started work for this organization in December last year and I am heading my department. A new manager, a female was brought in January from a different state as the overall head. It wasn't easy for her as a lot of junior staff fought against her decisions. I was her go to person even though there are other people heading various departments. As time went on, some junior and senior members of the organization began to disassociate from her. This made us come more closer. We hug each other every morning on resumption of duty, she visits my office, eat there if she came with food and most times, will sleep on my office. She is always jealous whenever she sees me holding other female colleagues. I don't go beyond the hugging because she is married and I respect her marriage. Even the hugging, I don't hug in the front, but at the side. With time, she was able to push a lot of junior staffs away and new ones were employed. One of the new guy employed last month, knows the game to unlocking women's leg. Within last month and this month, he has slept with almost all the girls in the organization and even the girls I usually play left me, both the one that has visited me in my house although, we didn't do anything. Some weeks ago, he began coming close to the overall manager, and the woman, started developing emotions for him and becomebtoo attracted to him. Last week, I and the guy were having some good time then she appeared, came to the chair where I sat and looked straight into the guys eyes. I caught her, and she became uncomfortable. She left my office and then closed work after 5 mins even though it wasn't her closing time. She lives with her husband and I do go to visit them. I never knew I had feelings for her all these while until that particular act happened. Well, after that act, I restrained her from coming to my office. She came begging me. She asked me what was wrong. I couldn't tell her because she is married but i was dying. She even asked me if i am in love with her but i kept mum. Two days ago, I was with her in her office when she heard the guy's voice and how the other women are happy, chanting and laughing. Immediately, she became uncomfortable and after 5 mins, she told me that she was coming and left. 10 minutes later, I went out and caught she and the guy in a happy mood. I became very angry and hurt, the only friend I had was gone. Yesterday, I called her to her office and asked her if she loves the guy. She was furious but I continued by pointing out all that I have observed about her and the guy. She became cold, and her countenance changed. After i left her office, she sat there without stepping out the whole day except the time she closed for the day.
I don't know if it was wrong to have told her about the guy since I'm not the husband.
As it stands now, I've decided to cut close ties with her as I know clearly, the guy has won.
Before she went home yesterday, I went into her office and noticed that she was crying and then, her hand shaking. I asked her why was she crying and why is her hand shaking. She did not say anything, so I told her to do what's on her mind, because I know clearly that that I've lost her.
Ever since yesterday, I've been feeling jealousy towards them.
She didn't come to work today but I'm worried about her, me and the guy tomorrow.
Lol, a case of hold me oh, let me fight, like thouts in a market square. If you knew you didn't want to fight,why attack Israel? Israel will retaliate before they come to the table
GistMedia0: In a viral video circulating on social media, a cultural exchange turned into a moment of astonishment as a white man questioned his Nigerian wife about the process of making fufu, a traditional West African staple dish.
The video, which has sparked both amusement and debate online, captures the husband's candid reaction as his wife demonstrates the intricate steps involved in preparing fufu, a dish made from fermented cassava.
"So you eat rotten cassava?" the husband incredulously asks, his tone a mixture of surprise and skepticism.
The wife, unperturbed by her husband's reaction, patiently explains the fermentation process that gives cassava its distinct flavor and texture in fufu-making, emphasizing its significance in Nigerian cuisine and culture.
Wawelexy: What kind of rhetorical question is this? You say legal wife... Any reasonable person should know the legal wife is the third wife that did court wedding. Court = Legal
He can't do church wedding and court wedding with two different women without divorcing one of them. Reason being that the church weddings are taken to court to legalize so question is a no-brainer
DaudaTheSexyGuy: This is one of the reasons why I don't want to relocate to Canada, I know it will be difficult for me to be getting steady supply of fresh toto
Not true. If e scarce scarce, red light district never finish
ednut1: I see a lot nairalander fantasizing about being hot cake abroad when they haven’t been there. The truth is women there are only interested in 20% of men. If you are not good looking, tall, with good job and swag. Nothing for you o. In Nigeria you could use your 3k or indomie and egg to get babes. But for abroad the babes are equally working so your money has to be long to entice them. 🤣🤣
Not really. Naija ladies are lonely so it's free for all but as usual they would expect you to spend. Most times you only need to have a nice car and good job and you go chop tire. If that is your game. I know a guy that concentrates on those ones that have been rejected asylum. They are usually desperate to stay and there he does his census. All in all, you need to be at the right place and at the right time. Then it depends on what you are looking for.
orohbiro: A guy. Help me with paltry 20k yesterday and he have d effrontery to ask me what he will get in return. Why is broke guys like this? can't you just help and leave in return finish him there Big fool
Em! Hope you gave the money back? If you didn't then you should be grateful he decided to help your poverty ministry so STFU
siofra: Every sensible human knows Okafor's law is fake. Only insecure foolish men that can't move on from their exes, FwB, one night stands etc believe that rubbish law.
Quality20: One major reason is because they know that they could easily b caught and besides its a thing of shame for her husband to discover on the wedding night that she isn't a chaste as expected. Its also important to remember that Hausa Fulani girls are very religious and not wayward, intact most of the girls are even more religious than the boys. They are also under less economic pressure ,so they have no reason to go out in search for money
Seun: The idea that every woman in every marriage should be submissive offends me. No one should be allowed to demand for that. Anyone who is truly submissive will surely be taken advantage of. When I love someone, the last thing I want to do is to try to subjugate/infantilize them. I feel so sad when women are talking about the "struggle" to achieve submissiveness in their marriage because of some ancient religious texts.
I want a strong partner. I don't want a subordinate. I don't want an unpaid domestic employee. Equality in diversity is the way to go, in my view.
Yes, that is where we all confuse the meaning of marriage. Our African mentality really can't exist in Morden times. The idea of submission in marriage does not have to apply to only the woman. Marriage itself is submission. You submit yourself to the other person for the progress and success of you both.
Romance › Re: My Relationship Of 7 Years Is Going Down. I Need Help!!! by drnoel: 10:24pm On May 14, 2024
