₦airaland Forum

Tadadobe:
With the recent news that dollars is going to be deemphasized and might probably lose values, I'm beginning to think twice about my relocation move. My uncle that recently came back from the US gave me $5000 to do business and I initially thought about using this money to move abroad.

I'm not like an average Nigerian who get carried away with "there are good road and 99hr power supply abroad". When I travel, I'm going there to go and make money not to count ceiling and take hot picture for the Instagram and to pepper people at home.

If dollars get decentralized and $1 = about #250, thouh this development will not go well with people abroad since they'll have fear that the little they send home will no longer be able to surprise anyone, and their usual conversion strategy will no longer work. But on the other hand, this move will help people in Nigeria as there won't be that much of a difference between someone earning #500,000 in Nigeria and the one earning $3000 abroad

@bolded, having a different priority doesn't necessarily make you above average. Besides, many people also travel just for the cash conversion, so you're not particularly different. That said, it's pertinent to acknowledge that the POV of those that travel for the amenities are just as valid. Even with $1 = N50, some people would still prefer to live in the US either for the amenities or just so that their children will have access to first hand western education. Whichever way, it's all about individual preferences.

advanceDNA:
Why would a man marry a woman because he's guilty of rape.?? Marry?? As in marry ooo??

...if his intention was to rape her... he has done it....why would he hang around for marriage??..

From the info he gave...he said he ddnt rape her...he said since forever when they smoosh each other, thats how she has always been saying subtle no, yet moaning when he sucks he boóbs and touching him back.....

Mayb he never felt guilty but felt a little afraid when accused ..

Read this:

i made moves to have sex with her but she resisted but her resistance wasn't that convincing, though she released herself to me but kept asking me to stop, but at that point I was deeply carried away and even thought it was her normal way of struggling with me anytime I made moves on her. Some how, I had my way, i had sex with her without any physical resistance from her aside the shouts of "please stop".

I was deeply carried away, somehow I had my way, etc. These are expressions used by someone on the verge of acknowledging his mistake. Intentions are different from actions. He said "I was deeply carried away". So he didn't wake up and decided to rape his lover, but it could have happened nevertheless because he was very aroused and wasn't paying attention. And that wouldn't stop him from loving her. What would likely stop him from loving her is she deliberately accusing him of rape. But somehow, that didn't happen.

Sunwa1:
If I actually did rape her, will she come few days later to ask for a waist massage with her pants down??
She actually did come.

Sunwa1:
She gave me a strong impression that I raped her which I knew I didn't, her subsequent probed that I actually didn't because she came to my place some few days later to ask for a massage on her waist which I obliged and I massaged her with her pants down. If I actually did rape her, will she have trusted me with her unclothedness just few days after the purported rape

What was your reaction to being accused of rape? She said you raped her and even said that to her friends, and then the next day, she came back for the waist massage and you moved on without addressing the elephant in the room? You didn't feel hurt that someone you love could say such thing about you knowing it's not true? To you, she coming back for sexual pleasure means she's accepted she wasn't forced. But it's obvious that's not the case, otherwise she wouldn't be having the doubts she still has. Sir, what I am saying is, face that discussion head-on. With her and with yourself. Get it out of the way before moving on. That's all.

Sunwa1:
She's already committed and I know she will definitely accept my proposal

Yes, she might. But you're not at peace. Otherwise, you wouldn't have created this thread. Her lack of trust still worries you and that's why you both must sit and discuss the events of that night. Apologize to each other if possible and get rid of doubts.

advanceDNA:
And i say again in a different way.....if i was raped...i wont be seen 100 foot near the rapist..

..but if i am still dating the rapist then its my fault the rapist probably thinks things can just go back to normal and then go ahead to propose.....which is why the rapist is now wondering why i am calling him a potential child rapist, yet still comfortable dating him, but expressing subtle doubt.....

to u.... that "subtle doubt" not even an outright refusal is the proof of the trauma and horrifying experience she went through in the hands of her rapist...

To me.....staying the fvck away from him or even arresting him is my own acceptable proof of trauma and horrifying experience

I didn't doubt your reasons for entertaining the possibility of her being dishonest. I'm not taking away her fault in the whole situation. What I am saying is that the same logic is applicable to the guy.

If you're saying the rapist probably thought things could go back to normal because the girl came back to him, you might be right. But then that would be you giving me reasons why a guilty person (a rapist) would continue with the relationship. What I asked if why an innocent person (who is not a rapist) would propose marriage to someone who wrongly accused him of rape? Did she apologize to him?

We can talk about one million reasons why a rapist would propose to the victim if she forgave him, and why she shouldn't have gone back to him. But shouldn't we also ask ourselves why an innocent man would want to marry his accuser who hasn't apologized to him? Someone who still believes she was raped.

advanceDNA:
..i dont undertsand how serious the allegation is?? Lol....u can assume weteva u like....if u were not trying to see only what u want, u would have seen i just a devil's advocate.. which i do

In other news.....If u want me to see that the allegation is serious to u....dont date ur rapist after raping you

@bolded, I don't know where you read that. I literally said the opposite. It's obvious you're arguing just to have a say, not because you're processing the conversation logically.

Of course she shouldn't date or marry someone that raped her. She dated him, but has her doubts about marrying him. A doubt she never hid from the OP. A doubt she has always expressed. And that explains why the OP hasn't gotten a yes from her even though it's been weeks since he proposed. On the other, which innocent man proposes to a lier who accused him of something as serious as rape? Shouldn't we also say "you shouldn't propose marriage to a girl who deliberately accused you wrongly"? If you can't get yourself to say that or ponder on it, then you're burying your head in the sand here for obvious reasons.

advanceDNA:
Defend??...lol...this of funny...i only looked at it from an side different from urs.....
Every matter can have different angles , because We all look issues differently.....sometimes based on how we feel, our personal past experience, or others' experience...

The angle i view it from is that if a woman went thru a traumatic and horrible experience called rape, which is what rape is.......the post-rape behaviour shouldnt involve continously dating her rapist ......

Now..here are a few of the post-rape outcomes i noticed in this story...
1...she tagged her boyfriend a future rapist of his own child ...a bit extreme..but yeah...an agreeable conclusion for a woman who just went through a traumatic and horrible experience

Outcome 2: She's still dating the rapist....

My point all along is ...both outcomes are a mismatch ....if she sees the dude as a potential child rapist...how is she still relating with him let alone dating him, to the point of him proposing.

I was expecting a more extreme outcome to follow tagging him a potential child rapist like an arrest because it isnt like she ddnt want anyone to know she was raped...

Which was why i felt like the babe is trying to make the nigga feel more horrible than the face-value of the outcome of the supposed rape scenario.....

I never expected you to see it from my POV. Our submissions are both more opinionated than factual. And one thing with opinion is that it varies from one person to another. However, I expected to simply acknowledge the possibility that the OP actually had sex with the lady without her consent. That's one singular possibility you're shying away from and that makes your submission very biased because the story has a lot of pointers to that possibility.

You think that tagging someone a rapist and still dating the person is a mismatch because you understand how serious the allegation is. But somehow you don't think it's a mismatch to propose marriage to someone wrongly accused of rape knowing how serious such an allegation is? Sir, it's very obvious you only see what you want to see.

advanceDNA:
Bros...speculations here are based on limited info... if u were following me ..u will realize my speculation hangs on the fact that he waant raped and was only over reacting and decided to say so to make the guy feel bad for fvcking her when she ddnt want to....sębí u know wives do rape accusation thing too these days and they still remain married......So whats ur point....

And no where in your speculations do you think the guy might have forcefully had his way with her even when his write-up alluded to that? You don't think that's a possibility too? She made the guy feel bad for sleeping with her by accusing him of rape to a third party who now see the guy as a rapist, and the guy, who knows he was accused/lied against, decided to apologize by proposing marriage, right? According to you, couples who probably have kids remaining in marriage after one party accuses the other of wrongful sexual acts is a good analogy to explain why a single guy would stick with and propose marriage to a woman who accused of being a rapist despite the weight such accusations carry? It's not possible that's just because there's an element of truth in her words and he knows it? It's just amazing how you're defending the OP more than the OP himself while turning a blind eye to other possibilities simply because you feel the need to align with one gender.

advanceDNA:
Yes he may have continued the relationship ..if he felt she's just over reacting...

besides..proposing now may mean its something he wanted to do initially ....so her mover reacting ddnt chnage his decision to propose........proposing might also be his way of apologizng and showing he doesnt just want sex from her but marriage

You honestly believe he used marriage, a lifetime decision, to apologize to someone who wrongly accused him of rape even though he's convinced of his innocence? You believe he really wants to marry a lier? Apologizing for what exactly? Apologizing for not raping her? Apologizing for being the wrongly accused person? Apologizing for not doing anything wrong? Apologizing for being the victim? Tell me what he's apologizing for.

You believe there is a world in which a man would continue his relationship with someone who wrongly accused him of rape and even go ahead propose marriage to her knowing fully well he was wrongly accused. According to your logic, it could be his way of apologizing to his accuser for accusing him wrongly. You certainly don't think this somehow implies he acknowledged he actually did something wrong. However, you strongly believe a girl who forgives her boyfriend for having sex with her without her consent is being dishonest. Don't you see how your logic works against you? The more you imply the girl is being dishonest, the more you make the OP look guilty. Because no one, I repeat, no one would ever want to spend the rest of his with a lier who wrongly accused him of rape.

Instead of taking the story as is, you're hell bent on coming up with assumptions that align with your dispositions. He has always wanted to propose, right? She accused him of rape, it didn't change that. She said she doesn't trust him with his own kid, it didn't change that. So why did he create this thread now? In your initial post, you said it was "until she started saying...", but now that we've established she has been saying the same right after the incident, why is he fidgeting now that he's about to lose her for good?

advanceDNA:
Technically...He's not innocent cos she said she raped her.....is this new to you??..u know how rape works these days...its her words against his...

So now she's back to continue...he probably felt she's not serious about rape thing and just over reacting to make his action look like an offence cos she wasnt interested .... until she starts saying she cant trust him with his own kid...

...

Dude, it's not about whether he's innocent to the world or any judge. I said if he himself believes he didn't do anything wrong, would he have continued? When it comes to internal conviction, it's not her word against his. It's only his truth to himself cause he's not trying to convince any third party that he's innocent. Or are you saying not being able to prove his innocence is enough reason to continue the relationship?

Besides, she has been saying she can't trust him with her friends and kids even before he proposed to her just a couple of weeks ago, so it's not "... until she started saying...". Why would he propose to a lier?

He felt? Let's not describe his feelings for him. It's a sign of bias. Let's stick to whatever he shared with us already. He's here to speak for himself if/when we get it wrong.

Lol... the earlier we start appreciating individual differences the better. It's not a Nigerian thing. People have different things their brains interpret as love. It could be act of service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical touches, etc. As shocking as it may sound, it's actually a mistake to love someone the way we want to be loved. Our intentions might be good, but our efforts might be in vain because the other party isn't feeling it.

I personally don't even want people to know my birthday. I don't need your gifts or your lame messages. But if I figure it's very important to a friend, I'd happily store the date on my phone and send them a message that morning. It's not to much to do for someone I care about. I'm not expected to memorize the date. Storing it on my phone is already a show of care. On the other hand, vehemently refusing to store the date on your device simply because you yourself don't like birthdays and don't see the importance even when it obviously means the world to the other party is a total lack of consideration.

So OP, there's no need to get worked up. If your friend shows you care the way you need it, show them care the way they need it. It's as simple as that.

advanceDNA:
All this new generation definition of rape, and behavior of the supposed rape victim.....me i shaa know say my hand no dey......

I didn't define rape. The definition of rape has nothing to do with my question. Someone accused you of raping her and even went ahead to tell her friend. If you were really innocent, would continue your relationship with such a person to the point of proposing marriage to her? Would you want to marry such a terrible lier? Let's be honest, the only thing that'd make you do that is if you know she wasn't just lying against you.

advanceDNA:
u don see woman wey dey come back to date the man that raped her if she was truly raped?


She dey manipulate you.....she be pro....
She has kept u under leash....before u cough anyhow or talk too much...trying to behave like man of the house........or demand for sex when she's withholding....remeber u are now rapist

She has that joker card to play anytime...

Run away man...
Runaway and never return

@bolded, have you ever seen a truly innocent man accused of rape still go ahead with the relationship and even propose marriage to the accuser? In my imperfect opinion, that reeks of guilt. Relationship is one thing, marriage is another. If the OP did something to her, I see reasons why she'd be skeptical about committing to him forever even after forgiving him. Again, it's just an opinion.

Queendera:
🤣🤣🤣
You be small pikin for this matter wey you dey put mouth inside.

That lady is manipulating the guy. Nothing more.

That he has a different opinion doesn't make him a kid. We should learn to disagree with people without necessarily belittling them. Everyone just can't align with your opinion. Yes, the lady might be manipulating him like you said, but it's just a possibility just like the guy's submission is also a possibility.

I am 100% sure that the lady in question wouldn't describe the events of that night the same way the OP described it above. Even the watered down version of her ordeals still reveals that she struggled and screamed "please stop!", but the dude was carried away and, according to him, somehow had his way (whatever that means). Now imagine the story from the lady's POV. My point is, the guy you quoted might not be completely wrong to say the lady has lost confidence in the OP, and if the OP is looking for someone to marry, he might need to address that first before making further arrangements. Yes, she stayed back after the incident either because she's playing him like you said or she's giving him another chance even though she has her doubts. We don't know for sure. We also don't know why the OP stayed back after being accused of rape.

I don't usually tell people to leave their partners and move on because I don't know how far they've come together, what the lady means to him or what he can tolerate. But I believe knowing when to move on is very important.

@OP, my first thought after reading your story was, why did she stay back after you supposedly raped her? Then I thought again, why would you, as a guy, continue a relationship with someone that accused you of rape and even went ahead to propose to her if you're sure you were innocent? Sir, you alone know what really happened that night. You won't get the closure you need from NL regardless of what we type here cause there seems to a self doubt that needs to be addressed internally. If you did something bad to her, acknowledging and coming to terms with that should be your first step. Otherwise, you'd still feel guilty even after you've moved on.

Lol... These days, bloggers just scroll through TikTok for news. No stress.

Crossbow:
Hello Sir.. I just jumped on this thread this year and I have been seeing the good work being done here. I would like to be part of any group outside here that is on language learning, especially French.. I have started off with French but I need a community to practice with.. Thank you Sir.

Hey there!

Sorry for the late reply. I saw your comment at night and took a mental note to reply the next day, and then I forgot.

Unfortunately, I don't have a group anymore as I don't actively teach French language at the moment. However, you can download HelloTalk and interact with thousands of French learners around the world who are actively searching for people to practice with. The app also brings you into contact with francophone people who are learning the English language (grouped in a different tab). It's more or less a social media app for language learners. You get to post your thoughts, ask questions, share images, join groups, make voice calls, have people correct you, use the built-in translator, correct other people using the built-in correction tool, etc. I recommend it for virtual immersion. It's a good app for anyone who doesn't have people to practice with.

Nevertheless, you can always post any specific question you might have here, and we'd be happy to help!

Martartins:
Is this an advert or an expository essay?

It clearly says "sponsored".

Interesting. He's been in and out of the courtroom long before he became the US president. He has very good lawyers who have managed to keep him out of prison all this while. The period he spent as the US president only gave them a break. Now that the tenure is over, it's game on. Let's see how this one goes.

Rokiat:
I like him for this. They like looking down on anything/anyone from Africa.

I beg to differ. He's a great performer, but I'm struggling to see how this is cool. Everyone had allocated time. All the performers were told how much time they'd have on stage. It was his duty to either plan his performance to fit into the time given to him or protest it (though a protest would be ridiculous since the organizers are the ones paying for the time). Whichever way, eating into another performer's time only supports the belief that Africans are unruly, which is one of the reasons they look down on 'us' in the first place. He did that knowing that they were not expecting it and, therefore, didn't have any contingency plan for such. However, he forgot that his actions might influence how the next African invitees would be treated.

Like someone said above, he probably did it just to get people to talk about the event, not for you or Africa.

I saw the video yesterday. I don't think he said they'd become worthless in weeks; that's a stretch. Dollar price goes up and down, and he predicted that those who have dollars now would run into losses in a few weeks (implying the price would go down). And that's likely going to happen.

Incredible128:
I started following you after reading one of your comments on a topic and since then, I've wondered how you come up with intelligent, well thought up responses and I must say, u are one of the very few intelligent and level headed monikers I've seen since my time on nairaland. Kudos to you

I appreciate you saying that. Thanks!

LeeSmart:
Hanty u no fit read pass? haba dun allah

So pointing out an error so the OP could correct it is a bad thing?

If your grandfather could read and write Yoruba very well, I don't think most people would refer to him as an illiterate. Literacy is not language specific. Anyone that calls another an illiterate because they can't write a particular language is not well informed. In Nigeria, the ability to read and write the English language comes with formal education. Your grandfather couldn't do that because he didn't have any formal education, and the term for someone like that is 'uneducated', not 'illiterate'.

You started off your write-up abruptly by going straight ahead to say Africans have inferiority complex. Whether true or not, this already puts some of your readers in the defensive mode. Normally, when you want to start an "unprovoked argument" like this, it's always a good idea to use the first few sentences to introduce the people you're arguing with. For example: I think those Africans who only see someone as literate when he or she can read/write the language of the colonial masters reek of inferiority complex. This way, it would be clear that you're addressing a certain category of people and not just arguing based on your own assumptions or lack of knowledge. Also, notice that I didn't specifically refer to the English language in the example because that would violate the scope of my argument which is the continent of Africa where there are many non anglophone countries. You can always narrow it down to a specific language when citing your grandfather as an example.

Frigga13:
This one too, wan trend ..

Obi no even sabi the monkey ..
With beards …see as he use Vaseline polish face

Na wao

Next!

Bigshots001:
You didn't only loose all the respect you have for Obi(, that's if you ever had anyone),but you lost your self-respect too.

This one went right over your head. The dude only employed sarcasm. He is simply saying the audio is fake.

GloriousGbola:
There is a catch though.

For a set of Nigerian women it is empowerment without responsiblity

My money is for me and the children, your money is for carrying the family.

I saw some women like this at work. Always dressed to the nines, latest vehicles etal, because for them their salary was basically flex money.

This is mostly in your head, bro. It's the disposition you already have towards women that makes you think they are driving big cars simply because they have no responsibilities at home. You are not in thier homes, you don't know about thier family dynamics. But you just say that to yourself because it makes you feel better about not driving such cars yourself. If it was a man flexing big cars, would you have assumed it's because he has no responsibilities at home or would just call him a rich man? Of course, the ladies in question might have rich husbands and some of them have just one or two kids at most. Likewise, a man with a rich wife and a couple of kids would have more resources to himself for flexing. The truth is, couples are richer when they pull resources together and you'd probably be flexing like those women if your wife had a high paying job too.

Not denying the fact that there are women who earn a lot but still leave financial responsibilities to thier husbands. As unfair as that sounds, the activities of those women don't define the whole gender. We need to stop trying to put the female gender into box. Just like men, there'll always be good and bad women. Feminism isn't just about empowering women. It's also about sensitizing everyone, changing our mindset as men and women and sharing responsibilities without prejudice. So addressing your so-called catch is one of the goals of feminism. And that's why I said in first comment that it's not for women alone. In fact, you'd be surprised at how many ladies out there kick against the concept.

The same people asking what they bring to the table are the people that want them to still be dependent. You can't eat your cake and still have it. I've said it here over and over again, feminism isn't just for women. Everyone benefits when women are fairly independent. When they work hard, earn and contribute to home funding, the pressure we face as men in this country is reduced. The men only need to adjust and also learn to be fairly independent too. Learn to do some basic chores or cook on certain days. This is the recipe for a happy home. It doesn't take away mutual respect.

Couples are supposed to be inter-dependent in the sense that one can easily focus on one thing at any point knowing the other is there to take care of other things, not that the woman and the children should depend on one man to provide for the family while she does home economics. The issue with this is that they get so much used to these society-created roles that when one party is temporarily unable to function, everything breaks down.

Kingabia1998:
And you pose with snake, Instead of you to have dragon as your pet

A non venomous snake. Lol

chuksbogus:
If anything had happend to that marriage everybody will be shouting man of God !! Accusing the man of various things becausebits only women that must he victims of abuse.

Still attacking women on a thread where a woman is kneeling for a man is the height.

Nothing has happened to the marriage, you're already calling out women. And you think when something eventually happens, it is the man that will be called out? How many broken marriages has nairaland ever held the man accountable? Is it not always "fear women", "that gender!", "she can't keep a home", "e don marry ashawo", "when a man cheats, it's only for pleasure", etc. Even when the lady has bruises on her, y'all still ask "but what did she do?". The way you guys attack women as if it boosts your masculine ego is becoming childish. Now, on a thread like this where a lady is literally on her knees for a man, you still find a way to call out women. It's embarrassing, shameful. It is not how to be a man. Sexism is the most unmanly thing of all.

Lol... convert it to Naira first.

Lol... these are reasons why a mathematician would be employed by a bank, not reasons why a mathematician is preferred to someone who studied banking and finance. Those are two different statements. Your title made it look like banks generally prefer mathematicians to trained bankers, and that's not true. They employ mathematician, but they don’t necessarily prefer them. A trained banker can also make a list of 100 reasons why banks would prefer them. Remember, the concept of transferable skills only comes into play when the wanted skills are not readily available. The banking industry is governed by a set of rules/laws, standard operational procedures, etc. that mathematicians are not trained on. While a mathematician can learn on the job, a trained banker who studied relevant mathematical courses in school is by far a more rounded choice of employee.

What I'm saying is, it is easy for us to undermine what other people do because we believe we can do it and more. Then we come up with reasons why we're better than the professionals. But until you've advanced in a particular industry, you'd never really understand what goes on in there.

Zonefree:
Who's going to investigate the death of thousands of children dying everyday in Nigeria?

What exactly is the point of this comment? So because of the thousands of children dying everyday, he shouldn't report the death of his own child for investigation? Before you logged on to the internet this morning, did you think of the thousands of Nigerians who don't have access to the internet? Did that stop you from using the internet? You're just all over the thread making thoughtless comments.

So? Why are you telling us? How is that your business? Do you know what the girl has done for him in the past? Do you know what the guy did to this lady that's making him feel guilty? Why is it so difficult for y'all to just get your noses off other people's lives? You just saw him begging for his woman to take him back, and you felt the need to rush to Nairaland to create a thread. Lol... smh

He beat up his signee?!