₦airaland Forum

Sal C: You, an atheist( correct me if am wrong) suddenly saw heaven and believed? That sounds more like sarcasm to me.

Again you saw only naked women there? Smh.

I used to be an atheist long ago until the Lord showed me the truth and I was saved. He took me up to heaven and I beheld the wonders within.

I saw many wondrous things there, not just nåked women. And I said most of the women were nãked, not all. Many of them were wearing G-strings and high heels, with no bra.

Logicboy03: That has so many meanings.

You could be.....

A nurse
A witchdoctor
A quack
A student doctor (studying medicine in uni)
A herbalist
A practitioner in health sector (psychologist, nutritionist etc)



What are you?

Post-grad surgical resident.

Logicboy03: Are you a doctor?

A little bit.

Medical Doctor.

Nothing illustrates the problem of evil better than watching a one year old slowly suffer and die from cancer.

And you get to see first hand the uselessness of prayer. It's hard not to start having doubts by the 10,000th time you see an hours long prayer session lead by a visiting pastor end without result. Then you see simple evidence based measures working consistently.

I'll never forget the time I counselled one virgin-type born again chick whose new husband had given her Chalmydia and blocked both her tubes. Meanwhile, the most promiscuous women who use condoms consistently never catch anything.

Medicine forces you to see how the real world works. Most of my colleagues who are still religious make sure that they keep their religion at home while at work. And when they are counselling patients, you'd be amazed at how atheistic they sound. People actually think I'm the one that's a Christian.

I wonder what will happen it the guy touches a muslim?

https://images.sodahead.com/polls/001986533/3231230758_Angry_Muslim2_xlarge.jpeg

Sal C: Sarcasm I suppose.

No, I'm dead serious.

If you are a woman and you want to make heaven, the only way is to take your clothes off slowly and walk around the way God made you. Preferably with an R Kelly song playing in the background.

Hell is real. Don't joke with your eternity.

Divepen: i only gave the ones causing controversies...and the ones people that have see heaven repeatedly warn against

I've seen heaven. All the women there were either in heels and G-strings, or wore nothing at all.

Those who clung to their sin and insisted on wearing clothes were roasting in hell fire. It was terrible!

You women need to repent and take those clothes off (slowly please, don’t rush it). Its the only way to make heaven.

obadiah777: there you go Logicboy. rally the demoralized troops. ya troops aint be right ever since this whole syria thang

Stop trolling.

You're a mod for f0cks sake, respect yourself.

What about bras? What if God hates bras and will send everybody who wears them to hellfire? Is it really worth risking your salvation just to wear a bra? All women should start walking around braless immediately.

And what about clothes? What if God hates clothes and will send everyone who wears them to hellfire? Is it really worth risking your salvation just to wear pretty clothes? All women should start walking around nåked or as scantily dressed as possible.

And what what about high heels and G-strings? What if God demands that you wear heels and G-strings and will send women who refuse to hellfire? Do you really want to risk your salvation because you don't want to wear a G-string? Or high heels?

The wisest thing is that a'll women should always be nåked wherever they go. The only possible exception should be formal occasions where nůdity is frowned upon. Then they should wear only high heels and G-strings; with no bra.

It may sound funny, but that's the only way to be sure of your salvation.

Where you'll spend your eternity is no joking matter!

Ymodulus: Where do we all plan to meet? Location is one big factor to consider. Besides on some beer. Haaaa. I love this.

Did someone mention beer?!?

Where? Is it free? Can I come?

Please! Please!! Please!!!

Basically, all the posts on this thread can be divided into two broad groups
1. Those that are ashamed of how this guy has embarrassed us. And...
2. Those that are too dull to understand how this guy has embarrassed us.

tpia@:
You just put paid to your own borrowed theory.

Oil and water are both liquids, so you're still on page one and havent contradicted the researcher in any way.

Water and oil both mix with other substances that dont share the same properties as them.

You mean you actually took that seriously?!? Well, I'm not going to say anything because I know you have a fragile mind and I don't want to hurt your feelings.

And to those calling me ole, yes I paraphrased it. Call the EFCC if you like.

At least I'm not posing with a lab coat and a beaker.

gokuu: this is not just new, i saw his write-up at one of the notice boards in the first quarter and thought it was just one of those jokes people write in their spare time. I am really very embarassed it got to huffingtonpost. And for a 'Dr' to support such nonsense magnetic experiment is even more shocking. It just goes to show the level of homopphobia in Nigeria and that Ultra-conservatives will say anything to win.

This is more than just homophobia. There are so many ways you can attack homosexuals without resorting to "science" and gaddem magnets. This is just raw, undiluted ignorance and stupḭdity from the Amahala guy himself, to the Physics lecturer, to the rḙtarded journalist who wrote the original article, to the rḙtarded ThisDay editors that agreed to go to press with such nonsense.

I think I need to quote the whole thing in full so that people can fully grasp the depth of our shame.

Science of Gay marriage

Scientifically proved that gay marriage is wrong

A University of Lagos post graduate student, Chibuihem Amalaha, from Imo State has used science to prove that gay marriage is improper among other breakthroughs, writes Charles Ajunwa


His persistence during our conversations on the phone that I should give him an opportunity to explain some of his scientific breakthroughs made me to agree to meet him at his residence at No.38 Godwin Way, Ireakari Estate, Isolo, Lagos. With a disarming smile on his face, he introduced himself as Chibuihem Stanley Amalaha, a student of University of Lagos studying Chemical Engineering at the School of Post Graduate Studies. He talked about his researches and scientific breakthroughs with the confidence of an achiever. First, he let the reporter into his background.

“I was the first to publish report about the 2006 total solar eclipse in the newspaper in Nigeria when I was writing for the defunct New Age newspaper. I also reported the true situation about the 2010 acid rain in Nigeria. I carried out analysis and found out that there was nothing like cancer of the skin attributed to the acid rain and by 2011, I emerged the best science reporter in Nigeria where I won Nigeria Media Merit Award in the energy category as a science editor with Compass newspapers.”

He continued: “Ever since then I have been doing a lot of researches in the country. There are many discoveries and inventions I have made in science and technology. I have also been able to prove that the mathematical symbol pi which people thought of as 22 over 7 is not actually 22 over , but rather a transcendental number while 22 over 7 is a rational number. I also proved that watching television in the dark impacts negatively on one’s eyes and by God’s grace, I was the first person to use scientific instruments to prove it in the whole world. The Nigerian Television Authority (NTA) featured me on this in one of their programmes on January 12, 2013, where I demonstrated to millions of their viewers that watching television in the dark damages the eyes. Usually when it’s around 10pm, many families in Nigeria will switch off their surrounding lights to use the light from television or the light from computer alone thinking that they will see images brighter. But from experiments I found that it’s not true and experts both at the University of Lagos and elsewhere have found my work to be true. The reason for this is because there is a lot of difference in illuminants (brightness) between the television screen and the dark background in the room known as the periphery,” Amalaha said.

The Wrong Act of Gay Marriage

Then, he zeroed in on his research about gay marriage. He said: “In recent time I found that gay marriage,which is homosexuality and lesbianism, is eating deep into the fabric of our human nature all over the world and this was why nations of Sodom and Gomora were destroyed by God because they were into gay practice. That is, a man marrying another man and a woman marrying another woman.

“A recent publication on May 3, 2013 shows that France is the 14th country in the world that have legalised gay. I asked myself why should a man be marrying a man and a woman marrying a woman, does it mean that there is no more female for a man to marry or there is no more male for a woman to marry? And recently, Britain told Nigeria to legalise gay marriage of forfeit international aid. I thank God for our lawmakers who refused to sign the bill legalising gay marriage. And so God gave me the wisdom to use science as a scientist to prove gay marriage wrong.

“In the area of physics, I used physics with experiments, I used chemistry with experiments, I used biology with experiments and I used mathematics to prove gay marriage wrong.

The Physics of Gay Marriage

“To start with, physics is one of the most fundamentals of all the sciences and I used two bar magnets in my research. A bar magnet is a horizontal magnet that has the North Pole and the South Pole and when you bring two bar magnets and you bring the North Pole together you find that the two North Poles will not attract. They will repel, that is, they will push away themselves showing that a man should not attract a man. If you bring two South Poles together you find that the two South Poles will not attract indicating that same sex marriage should not hold. A female should not attract a female as South Pole of a magnet does not attract the South Pole of a magnet. But, when you bring a North Pole of a magnet and a South Pole of a magnet they will attract because they are not the same, indicating that a man will attract a woman because of the way nature has made a female. Even in physics when you study what is called electrostatics, you found that when you rub particles together they don’t attract each other but when you rub particle in another medium they will attract each other. For example, if you use your biro and rub it on your hair, after rubbing, try to bring small pieces of paper they will attract because one is charged while the other one is not charged. But if both of them are charged they don’t attract, which means that man cannot attract another man because they are the same, and a woman should not attract a woman because they are the same. That is how I used physics to prove gay marriage wrong.

The Chemistry of Gay Marriage
“In chemistry, I used chemical reactions and we have different types of chemical reactions. We have double decomposition reaction, decomposition reaction, neutralisation reaction and reduction oxidation reaction. But in chemistry I used a simple one known as neutralisation reaction which is a reaction where an acid reacts with a base to give you salt and water. For example, when you bring surphuric acid and you reacts it with sodium hydroxide which is a base you are going to have salt and water. That tells you that the acid is a different body, the base is a different body and they will react. But if you bring an acid and you pour it on top of an acid chemistry there will be no reaction. If you bring water and pour it on top it shows that there will be no reaction. If you bring a base either sodium hydroxide and you pour it on top of a sodium hydroxide you find out that there will be reaction showing that a man on top of a man will have no reaction. A woman on top of a woman will have no reaction, that is what chemistry is showing. Even in chemistry when you also use a process called electrolysis, which is if you use electrolysis of acidilated water, that is water you drop some droplets of acid on it, you found that the negative ions will be attracted to the positive ones while the positive ions will be attracted to the negative ones. So the negative ones are not attracted to their peers, they are all attracted to the positive electrode and the positive ones are not attracted to the positive electrode. Instead, the negative ion is attracted to positive electrodes and why is it that the negative is attracted to the positive? It is because they are not the same. Likewise a man cannot be attracted to a man as negative ion is not attracted to the negative electrode instead negative ion is attracted to the positive electrode. That is what electrolysis is showing us that gay marriage is wrong in the area of chemistry.

The Biology of Gay Marriage
“In biology, I used simple experiments and I came down to a lay man. We have seen that the female of a fowl is called hen and the male of a fowl is called a cock. We have never seen where a cock is having sex with a cock and we have never seen where a hen is having sex with another. Even among lions when you go to the zoo you find out that lion does not mate with a lion instead a lion will mate with a lioness showing that a lion being a male will mate with lioness being a female. Now if animals that are of even lower creature understand so much, how come human being made in the higher image of God that is even of higher creature will be thinking of a man having sex with another and woman having sex with another woman? That shows that it’s a misnomer and when you come to real biological standard, when you see a lady you love there is what is called the follicle stimulating hormone. The follicle stimulating hormone in a man triggers what is called spermatogenesis through your brain which is called hypothalamus. It will send message to your brain when you see a lady you love and through the hypothalamus you will go after the lady. And it will trigger your spermatogenesis and the lady’s host follicles stimulating hormone will be triggered by the hypothalamus and it will stimulate her ovarian follicle. So in the man is the spermatogenesis, in female it’s the ovarian follicle. You find out that the sperm alone does not produce a child and the ovary alone in the female does not produce a child. They need each other for reproduction to occur and the follicle stimulating hormone in the man and that of the female promote different things. The sperm in the man alone doesn’t produce a child and ovary in the female alone does not produce a child, they need each other for reproduction to occur. So that shows how biology proves that gay marriage is wrong.


The Mathematics of Gay Marriage

In mathematics which is another core area of science, I used what is called the principle of commutativity and idepotency. Commutativity in mathematics is simply the arrangement of numbers or arrangement of letters in which the way you arrange them don’t matter. For example, if you say A + B in mathematics you are going to have B + A. For example, if I say two plus three it will give five. If I start from three, I say three plus two it also give you five showing that two plus three and three plus two are commutative because they gave the same results. That shows that A + B will give you B + A, you see that there is a change. In A + B, A started the journey while in B + A, B started the journey. If we use A as a man and use B as a woman we are going to have B + A that is woman and man showing that there is a reaction. A + B reacted, they interchanged and gave us B + A showing that commutativity obeys that a man should not marry a man and a woman should not marry a woman. If you use idempotency, it’s a reaction in mathematics where A + A = A. Actually in abstract algebra, A + A =2A but we are less concerned with the numerical value two. We are more less concerned with the symbols A, you find out that A + A will give you A showing that the whole thing goes unchanged. It didn’t change unlike commutativity A + B give B + A there is a change. A started the journey in commutativity and A + B gave us B + A and B started the journey after the equality sign. But in the case of idempotency A + A will give you A showing that it goes unreacted. You started with A and you meet A ,the final result is A. Showing that a man meeting a man A + A will produce a man there is no reaction, it goes unreacted and in chemical engineering you have to send the material back to the reactor for the action to be carried out again showing that it goes unreacted. That is how mathematics has shown that gay marriage is wrong because commutativity proves that gay marriage is wrong. Idempotency also proves that gay marriage is wrong. So these are the principles I have used to prove gay marriage wrong in physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics and by the grace of God I am the only one that has proved this in the whole world.

“If you go on the Internet to check whether there is anybody who has used physics to prove gay marriage wrong, you find out there is none. You go to Google or youtube check whether there is anybody that has used chemistry to find same sex marriage wrong, you find out there is none and the same applies to biology and mathematics.
“In general, same sex marriage is evil. It should be stopped by those practicing it. Now they are saying that they will go and adopt a child, the question is that if everybody shows interest in same sex marriage where would the child they are adopting come from?”

His Commendations

And now his works have earned him the respect in the world of science. He said: “At the University of Lagos where I currently study as a student you will find my publication on the notice board there. When you go to the Senate Building of the university you will see the same notice there and even recently my lecturer at the Department of Chemical Engineering, Profesor D.S.Aribuike pointedly told me that I will win Nobel prize one day, because he found that my works are real and nobody has done it in any part of the world. You know Nobel Prize is the highest award anyone could ever win and no African has won Nobel Prize in science. So I am aspiring to win Nobel Prize for Africa. Other universities have seen my work and sent me commendations. I have a professor friend who has seen the work I did and he sent me congratulatory message because of the originality of the work.”

Not only that, Dr. Henry Boyo, Department of Physics at UNILAG approved of him. He said: “I have known him (Stanley) for the past five years. He is a very sound guy. He is genuine in terms of his scientific discoveries. He has appeared on NTA and SilverBird televisions where he demonstrated his knowledge of science. When you talk to him, you will know that he understands what he is talking about. He is convincing.
“He conceptualised the idea of using sciences and mathematics to prove gay marriage wrong and we have worked it here. Some people make claims to religion but he went a step further to use science and mathematics to prove gay marriage wrong. He used my laboratory here (UNILAG) to carry out his researches. He is the originator of the idea, he deserves commendation and we support the idea. You can quote me anywhere, the guy’s concept is germane and it has been scientifically proven to be true.”

His Next Step
“I want to be able to publish it in international journals. The finance has been a problem in this area because I found out that you you have to pay in dollars for international journals to publish you. You know finance is a factor and I don’t have money to start paying in US dollars and I need sponsors so that I can pay for the journals to be published.”

Encounter with government officials

“I have been to the Federal Ministry of Science and Technology in Abuja and there is a lot of protocol around the minister. I must confess that seeing a minister is one of the problems we are having in this country. I could recall that University of Lagos carried out a research in Zamfara State some years ago when lead poisoning was killing people there. Could you believe a professor in UNILAG once said that they wrote to Minister of Science and Technology to give them permission to go and carry out research in Zamfara State, that was many years ago and till now they could not get reply from that minister. So these are some of the problems sometimes to reach some of these top people. You publish materials and you don’t know whether they read them or not. I had gone to the National Mathematical Centre Abuja, where I submitted a material to Professor Sam Ali who was Director General of the agency and till now I couldn’t get any reply. But Professor Oye Ibidapo Oye former Vice-Chancellor, University of Lagos is the immediate past president of Nigeria Academy of Science one of the highest scientific bodies in the country whom I took a copy of my work to and he accepted the work. He never found any error in it. I have reached other echelons in the science and technology world like Professor V.O. Ife Olunyolo a well-known engineer in Nigeria. He brought the first system engineering known in Sub-Sahara Africa at the University of Lagos. I have given him a copy of my work and he didn’t find it wrong. I have never seen anybody who condemned my work.”

“Nigerian sector does not encourage scientific research so much but what God has given me I am using it effectively to touch Nigerian nation. All the scientific researches I have been doing have not yielded any encouragement to do more.

Speaking about his ambition, Amalaha after taking a deep breath said “My ambition is to go beyond the sky. I want to reach the level God has destined me to reach. I want to be the first African to win Nobel Prize in science because as I am talking to you now African has ever won Nobel Prize in science.

http://www.thisdaylive.com/articles/science-of-gay-marriage/158265/

berylLOL: ..magnets so? Do you know how many insane theories we have in the world that are accepted?abeg. and I wasn't even referring to you lol, and pls I'm really not interested in your life and your depressions so kill yourself if you wanna.

Which accepted theory is as insane as this? Name one.

If you don't understand what is wrong with it, then you'd better not be a science student.

And If you are, you'd better stop posting before the oyimbos see this thread and start writing more insulting articles.

I'm trying to be light hearted about it but this story is actually not funny at all.

People all over the world are reading about this and forming their opinions about the quality of students Unilag and other Nigerian schools are producing. Those of us who find ourselves travelling abroad may soon discover that our certificates are worth less than toilet paper.

Our school's reputation is being washed down a pit latrine. If it turns out that this Dr. Henry Boyo is actually a physics lecturer and he actually said what they're claiming he said, then I don't know how the school can defend itself.

This could be Unilag's biggest crisis since the MAUT saga.

Lets look at it this way: Oil and water are opposites and they don't mix.

That means that men and women shouldn't mix either. I just proved beyond doubt that heterosexuality is wrong and against nature.

Where do I collect my Nobel prize?

berylLOL: I'm sure if you used yours while reading my comment, you would have found out.

Are you a lag student? And you don't see what's embarrassing about the theory?

Seriously?!? Have you tried reading it again?

He is trying to prove that homosexuality is wrong using magnets.

MAGNETS!!!

Please tell me you're not a science student. If you are, I might hang myself out of shame.

berylLOL: I don't see what's embarrassing about the theory. I'm sure if it was a white Man who brought it up it would have been generally accepted...right or wrong at least he tried to use his brains. Pls don't insult my school.

The guy is trying to use something, but I'm very sure it's not his brain.

Which school did you go to BTW? I'm curious.

stepone: @ Op: u mean any findings from a white mans research mean "Correct", while the blackman suffers its own finding of a research. Just think, is gay right?

God, I hope you didn't go to Unilag as well! Look, just read the HuffPo article again. Then spend some time to think about whether there is any link, scientific or otherwise, between magnets and human sexuality.

So much dullness in this country. Something drastic has to be done.

See them finishing my alma mater. I feel like crying.

Disturbingly, his “discoveries” have been backed by Dr. Henry Boyo at the Department of Physics at the University of Lagos. He said: “You can quote me anywhere, the guy’s concept is germane and it has been scientifically proven to be true.”

It’s debatable as to whether the embarrassing article is more damming of the standard of education at the University of Lagos or of the standard of journalism at This Day.

The uncritical and uninformed article is likely to add to the ignorance and prejudice surrounding homosexuality in Nigeria. Current legislation punishes homosexual acts with up to 14 years’ imprisonment, or death by stoning in northern regions of the country.

At least they are giving us the benefit of the doubt sha.

Gaddem ThisDay!!! Where is Boko Haram when you need them?

Websites all across the internet are carrying the very embarrassing story of a Unilag post-graduate student who claims to have proved that gay marriage is wrong using magnets.

From the Huffington Post:

A student in Nigeria claims he has scientific proof that same-sex marriage is wrong.

The so-called discovery was made by Chibuihem Amalaha, a postgraduate student at the University of Lagos who told Nigeria's This Day Live that same-sex marriage is "eating deep into the fabric of our human nature all over the world." Amalaha said he conducted "experiments" in physics, chemistry, biology and mathematics to test his theory. Ultimately, he deduced that the repellence of two similar entities (magnets, for instance) proves that same-sex marriage is wrong.

In a series of befuddling explanations, Amalaha cited magnets, electrolysis, animal mating and simple addition as rationale for why gay relationships just aren't right. His entire thesis boils down to the fact that "like" does not attract "like."

The embarrassing sorry seems to have originated from that paragon of rubbish journalism, ThisDay Online. In the ThisDay article, Amalaha rambles on and on making little or no sense and seems to have a level of scientific knowledge below that of a dull secondary school student. Despite this, he believes that he will be awarded the Nobel Prize for his "discovery". Sadly, a Unilag physics lecturer, Dr. Henry Boyo is said to be backing his claims.

International news agencies have jumped on this story and published a number of scathing articles painting Nigeria in an extremely bad light. From mambaonline.com:

Disturbingly, his “discoveries” have been backed by Dr. Henry Boyo at the Department of Physics at the University of Lagos. He said: “You can quote me anywhere, the guy’s concept is germane and it has been scientifically proven to be true.”
It’s debatable as to whether the embarrassing article is more damming of the standard of education at the University of Lagos or of the standard of journalism at This Day.
The uncritical and uninformed article is likely to add to the ignorance and prejudice surrounding homosexuality in Nigeria. Current legislation punishes homosexual acts with up to 14 years’ imprisonment, or death by stoning in northern regions of the country.

The Huffington Post article now has over 330 comments mostly making fun of Nigeria, our educational system, our newspapers and our people in general.

It looks like we have another Gabriel Oyibo or Emeka Emeagwali turning us in to a laughingstock.

https://www.mambaonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/nigeria_university_student_scientifically_proves_gay_marriage_is_wrong.jpg

Lilimax: The Doctor that presented the fake Doctor's report to the lady is already in soup
Arik air will follow the case to the end and will ensure it's not swept uner the carpet as usual .

It's not certain that the doctors report was false. She may have gone into premature labour or gotten her dates wrong. Even if it was, unless the woman or the doctor confesses, it'll be impossible for Arik to prove anything because medical records are confidential.

Even though it would be wrong for the woman endanger and inconvenience the other passengers by lying, we shouldnt jump to conclusions. It might not be her fault.

The fact that OP is sweating over giving N500 in church is all the proof we need that the sowing and reaping doctrine doesn't work. The only people getting rich in church are the pastors.

it's better to save your money and spend it on giving your children. Or invest in your education so you can have a better future if you don't have kids. Or donate to a motherless babies home if you don't know what to spend your money on.

Churches have far too much money already. Giving them more is just like flushing it down the toilet for all the good it'll do you.

@OP
Magic elephants that can cure blindness don't exist.

And neither does God.

The Americans found an excuse to silence him at the least minute. While I think this guy is a total möron, he isn't any more möronic than any other religious fanatic of any faith.

Burning korans is not illegal in the US, they should have let him do what he wanted.

"If you don't believe in free speech for people you despise, then you don't believe in free speech at all"
Noam Chomsky.

If white Americans are descended from Europeans, why are there still Europeans around?

Marry the Girl if you like. If your relationship is the way you've described, then you're not likely going to have any problems with her.

On the other hand, you'll definitely have problems with your extended families. Religious fanatics are experts at sowing discord and there is guaranteed to be at more than one on each.side.

My advice to you is marry the girl after the two of you discuss and agree on how you're going to live and what you're going to teach your children. Then afterwards, keep your extended families at arms length. Be polite to them and attend occasions when you cant avoid it, but do all you can to minimize contact with them. Don't ever involve them in any decision regarding your children or marriage. Never ever (ever) allow one of them to stay in your house no matter what.

As long as both of you remember that its you against the world, you should be okay.

People need to learn to stop trying to tell others how to live their lives and mind their own business.

The guy isn't harming any third parties, he's not collecting anybody's money to do it, he's not claiming any government benefits, its not even going to be legally recognized, and it's his goat, so what's the big deal.

You can't impose your mores. and religious beliefs on others. You people should face your own lives and stop judging.

Uyi Iredia: 5th comment.

@ amanfromMars: I started with Matthew not John. I'm starting off, using a 90-day NT reading plan on a preferred e-Bible of mine, Olivetree.

90 days just to read the bible? Seriously?!? Are you in primary school or something?

Look, just put down the iPad, forget about any reading plan, grab a paper bible and read it. Do it for an hour every night before you sleep. If you're consistent, you'll be done in 2 weeks highest.

I don't know why people act like reading bible is such a Big deal. Anybody who's gone to university must have read far bigger and more difficult books.

Just read the thing.

aManFromMars: Leviticus and Deuteronomy will probably bore you...

I actually really enjoyed reading both of them. Give give a nice view of how people used to think back in the day. And all those their crazy laws make you think thoughts most Christians don't like thinking.

Most boring books: Job, Ezekiel, Isaiah in descending order.

Use a paper bible. Dead tree books are far better than electronic if you're reading for long periods.

Avoid concordances and guides. they only waste your time and stop you from gaining your own understanding of the text.

Try and read a whole book a day or split the bigger books into halves or thirds and reach each part en bloc. Avoid readding single chapters at a time.

Remember that there were no chapters and verses in the original text so read each book continuously so as not to lose context.

Remember that a huge part of what they've been teaching you in church is wrong. Don't let preconceived notions affect your understanding of the text. By the time you're done you'll be shocked at how ignorant the average pastor is. They think they already know so they never bother to learn.

Its generally better to read the whole bible starting with the old testament. It provides a lot of much needed context and is not as long and boring as you think (apart fro Job, that book is boring as shït).

Try and avoid telling other Christians what you are doing until you've finished. They'll probably just hinder you while trying to "help".