₦airaland Forum

I'd ask for an annulment, at least the marriage hasn't been consummated. I'm not a saint but I can't condone deliberate deceit. N to think that she got pregnant when she was sposed to be in a serious relationship is a no no for me. assuming this story is true

consistent

Don't av kids yet but when I was growing up, I can honestly say I preferred being flogged cos I'd get defiant and feel like I'd been adequately punished... without getting to a point of remorse.

But my mum waking me up in the dead of the night and giving me talks worked wonders for me. My dad just had to say 'I'm disappointed in you' and I'd feel regret.

All I can say, study your child and know what works for them. Initially, my parents (esp my mum) thot that since I was stubborn, her best bet was to flog me and sometimes slap me till I saw stars but she finally cooled down for Jesus.

If you're going flog a child, I'll never flog mine, make sure you make the child know what he did wrong, why such a behaviour is unacceptable prior to punishment. You may also avoid punishing the child when u're emotionally upset bout the crime, make you no wound ur child.

SMH

Chick's not born again, is all I can say. What I can never understand is why you'd join a church when u can't subscribe to their beliefs. To the best of my knowledge, church membership is voluntary but she went on to become a worker in RCCG and can still proudly say 'I am writing this note, not exactly because I regret my action of taking full control of a married Pastor, but because I have sensed something that is really not going to work for me in the most positive way, if I keep this pregnancy'. At what point, does repentance come in, please?

What's going to jeopardize her decision to get married at 26 is most likely to be her reputation as a slut/ home wrecker although an 'emotional/ considerate one' , whatever that means. I don't no why an innocent baby should have to pay the price.

At times, I get frustrated wen I think bout how many peeps r relying on the Pastor for spiritual leadership, but I guess this is Y the Good Book says - Looking unto JESUS, the author and finisher of our faith.

It is well

@ op, ever heard of the term 'Irreconcilable differences'. From the little I know,couples such as Ryan Reynolds+ ex wife's Scarlet's divorce have been traced to this word which I think is a camouflage for long term incompatibility.

I'm particularly worried that you're already planning to divorce pre marriage. Good grief, this is a defeatist attitude. If you love her enough, let her know how much this attitude is hurting you. You can prolong the courtship period and give her allowance to change. Never, marry anyone that you're already planning to have a whooping miserable 4 years with. Except you're a sadist/ psychopath, your partner's misery = your misery, and d'u really want to bring a child up in a hostile environment.

I believe she can change, but she'll need to make a conscious decision to do so. Expect lapses along the journey till she attains self mastery. It might also help if you can look back and identify if there are certain stuff you do that triggers the silent boiling anger. It might seem trivial to you but be major to her. Honestly, wish u guys make it.

my sis, sorry don't b angry, pls. i neva said u were lazy n 2 b frank, i don't think u r. wish yu luck wit ur fiancee,k

@ 190 - nuffin's wrong wit aimin higher 2 say na for better tin. she only has an ond, y can't she use d moni to start a professnal exam. if she nids a damn fone, she shd pay 4 it herself or mkt herself appropriately n catch minister or get a job. is d student annoyin me tho... y can't he thank his stars he found out early enuf d kind of cheapo she's n dismiss her?

Have never been able to grasp the concept of impressin anybori. Yu either like me or yu don't but the idea of impressing an ojukokoro's totally beyond me. No kiddin, u might as well empty the bar-beach yu hear, i mean ds chick must b the goddess venus herself. After u'll say chicks r gold diggers, if y'all jump n pass, no body'll tell the slut 2 get a job. Shior! 45k bold 2, make she come tief am.

@Casie, I can make out several scenarios from ur post n i'm reluctant to giv an ans as i'm not sure which applies 2 ya Scenario A: He luvs u subject to u being a graduate. Partner's not grad equals no luv. To b fair to him he gave yu a heads up on this. B truthful to urself n ans dese qns - can i still b a grad/ is there smthg else i'd rather b doin/ IF he marries me, would he talk down to me cos i'm no grad/ can i stomach it, if he talks down to me/ would my partner be fulfilled etc. Scenario B: He luvs u unconditionally but is disappointed u did not grad - this is a slim possibility. He might b disappointed cos he feels ur lazy or unfocused, has boasted 2 his friends n family bout his grad gf, was fin responsible for ur studies n feel yu wasted his bucks or is just reluctant to b a sole breadwinner. I wish yu said some of d tings he stopped doin. Howbeit, if u know he genuinely luvs u, av a heart to heart wit him on ur intended means of livelihood. Scenario C: u r a status symbol- if u're being treated as a possession n he only nids u for showin off, yu might as well kiss d relatnship bye, particularly if he has his heart set on a grad babe to show off. Yu no ds kind of guys - they'll allow u grad n mayb ask u to become a full time house wife. Marriage is important i agree, but self discovery is more important. Who knows if one of ur issues was dt u were unable to concentrate cos u were playin hse keeper for ur 'fiance to be'. cheers

@kunle, if u're genuinely sorry, pls apologise to her. The only prob is that she's already used to the abuse. Yu say u love her, court her afresh. Jeez, woo her, call her n tell her yu luv her, listen to her, ask for her opinion, take her to fancy restaurants, share ur dreams wit her, giv her surprise gifts. Anybody can make a mistake but d most important step is realisin yu missed it n takin further steps to address ur misdeeds. Luv her much cos u hurt her much. N pls wen u wanna propose, speak to her dad 1st n ask his permission. Marriage counsellin is in order so u're also taught bout wt to expect. Evn if ds relatnship doesn't end in marriage, never treat anoda babe like ds. I'd av dumped u yrs ago n i'm no gold digger. If u tink a babe's a gold digger or harlot, then let her go... No b by force, shogbo

I'd say u're on d rt track - u've identified u av a problem wit cheating n u're workin on it. Unfortunately, gd intentions ain't enuf. u may try d below: 1. Identify what attracts u in d ladies dt tempt u. Is it d dressing or d hair cut or wteva n try suggestin such to ur GF. U can suggest sweetly that she gets french tips or wteva u like. Disclaimer: this would not work if u are attracted to a diff body type from ur gf's. Say for instance, yu prefer curvy gals n ur gf's model thin, u'd av 2 choose btw d looks n d emotional satisfactn u get being wit her. 2. Set boundaries: if u're attracted to a chick, d last thing u want 2 do is being left alone in a warm n cosy environment wit d babe. Evn a casual hug of d tempting female might lead 2 some undesirable consequences. 3. Accountability: Try talking to ur gf or a close male friend bout d attractn. Ds will only work if she's real. If she's naturally suspicious, u'll agree wit me dt there's no need feeding her fears. Tell a close friend n giv him permissn 2 b brutally honest wit ya wen u're missin it or close to. Rememba, the greatest battles r those fought in d mind. Temptatn is one of such battles which u must conquer in ur mind. Gdluck

@ deniyor, i completely agree with u. dr's no correlation wtsoever btw d so called tests and his 'suspicions'. fact is, i always smh at all these 'testers'... cunny man die, cunny man bury am!

to be honest, i'm completely baffled by u n ur girlfriend. in ur attempt to prove she's not a gold digger, yu treated her as a bit'ch, in ur own words!!!! luk, d chick is either desperate, low self esteemed or a damn gd pretender just lukin at the big pix... evn up to swearin oath, ke? seems more like role playin than a real relatnship. na una sabi

hygienic would depend on his living habits while u are feeding n housing him. culturally, a wife's not expected to b responsible for the upkeep of her hussy, except he faces some financial challenges. any guy comfortable with being a house-hussy might as well b a gigolo.

i don't get it, he sounds like a control freak. Does he stop you from having other friends or it's just this friend he has an issue with? so, when he checks the credit, how does it prove dt you called the friend in question?

[quote author=Donalð Genes]hmmmmmmmmmmmmmph na waooooo[/quote]bro, honesty's d best policy

Jubal01: All of una de craze. Mtcheeeeeew! It means ur d typ dat luks down on ppl. I hate ppl lyk u al.

nah, I never luk down on people, just my perfectionist streaks showing up

Super1759: pere? You mean perewinkle?

pere - Yoruba word for only. The correct spelling is periwinkle (oversabi mode)

DailyNews: Sure you got me pissed miss pretty, not becos of anything else but becos you are a pretentious liar [/b]advertising yourself in the worst market. Like you know, I am hanging out with some friends here, catching fun and they all are reading your [b]cocky & bull story & laughing at you a typical Nigerian girl trying to cover up her ill-manner that made her get dumped by a nice guy & now no such deserving guy is coming her way again, and she is beginning to get bored & feel like taking her life because all guys she meet senses her fake pretentious lifestyle & rush to ravish her & run & now she feels the best place to market herself is on all social networking sites including forums like nairaland...thinking she would get another guy to suck his pocket in the name of an event planner like we all don't know that the second name for Nigerian whores is event planners, from planning people's wedding they sneak into the marriage to milk the man in the name of planning event...hey ma'am get yourself a better job...or did you graduate with a pass that you cannot get a better job? why not use all these your pretty asset you claim to have to get yourself a job like your fellows do than deceiving yourself that you are an event planner & coming online to[b] lie & lure gullible-minded guys into your [/b]gold-digging net

@ Dailynews - u sound harsh n judgemental, #just sayin. Listen to urself - gold digging, cock n bull story n pretentious LIAR!!! What's so difficult bout believin a girl can break up with a guy cos he's unfaithful or due to compatibility issues. Try, pls try to give people benefits of doubts. Last I recall, suspects are deemed innocent till proven otherwise. Na wa

N pls don't forget to offer her a job that pays higher than her event planning biz.

You could make some money from ds, u no...mayb start a show or something.

Tooo funnny!

I dunno but I just luv this thread!!! Literally got me ROTFL