₦airaland Forum

We need to hear from the other person, pick holes or investigate both claims before any judgement.

We need to hear from the other person before any judgment.

1. If she intends to keep the pregnancy, she should inform the boyfriend's family. Keeping the pregnancy is her sole decision in this case. If she intend to abort, she should visit an hospital and not do quack abortion that can claim her life.

2. Her choices should be based on her current financial status and her own family support available.

3. If she has good financial status or her family supports, she should approach the welfare system to get her son back from the boyfriend's family. Otherwise she can leave the son with them if they can take care of the boy better but fight at the welfare for reasonable visitations between both her and her son both ways.

4. She should remember that she has no legal backing to compell any of her boyfriend's family members for any financial support towards the son. They can only do voluntarily.

eakhilomen:
Please how long does it take NVC to schedule an application for Visa interview at the embassy

According to NVC currently as below.

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/immigrate/nvc-timeframes.html

After you submit payment and all documents, it is currently taking about 2 months to review your documents. If all documents are complete, your visa priority is current, depending on how busy your embassy is, you should expect interview letter within 1 or 2 months.

And I just don't understand why some children in Nairaland jump on all topics to talk on what's beyond their young brains. If something is beyond you, please shut up and learn.

loliapoopy2013:
What will I gain, please.

I am so sorry madam. This is disheartening.

1. Please don't hide it from your husband. Yes. He warned you but you forced it upon him to accept the cousin into his house. He will be angry for sure and tell you that "didn't I warn you". Apologize to your husband on that and both of you will deal with this problem together. This is a matter both father and mother should handle. You will do more harm to your marriage and your husband if he finds out from someone else.

2. Get that paedophile and gay boy, your cousin locked up by the police. Teach him some lessons before you ask the police to release him.

3. Get your boy a professional counseling and home counseling as well. You and your husband can do the home counseling.

4. Put continuous eye on your boy to ensure this experience doesn't make him develop sexual attraction or feelings for men as he grows up. This is very key please.

Celebrities are being paid to come out and say this now.

Will you follow them enter bedroom to confirm ?

Raalsalghul:
Hard to find balanced takes these days.

I already know two people who embarked on this U.K journey and have been successful based on their targets and expectations.

Does it mean everyone who goes there will be successful? No.

But opening threads upon threads 247 predicting doom and gloom is nothing short of witchcraft.

People will always migrate for reasons best known to them so the over arching theme/message which should be tailored to such individuals is: do your research, manage expectations and be ready to reskill/upskill.

Whether someone sells their property, quit a high paying job to migrate is non of your fucking business.

It's their decision and their life. They will deal with the consequences, not you.

Nigerians and taking panadol for another person's headache.

Haba!

And to every story of people that failed, there are many stories of those that are successful.

Majority of the bad stories even come when the immigrants just arrived and still in that phase of doing any survival jobs. When they have found their feet and navigated to more rewarding careers, they don't tell you again, except the person became comfortable or lazy in those low level jobs.

Like I said, there are plenty of opportunities in western world you can NEVER find in Nigeria. You can take that to the bank.

Let me just add. A rat in Nigeria cannot become a lion in western countries. A lion in Nigeria will most likely remain a lion in western Countries. If you succeed as an hustler in Nigeria, you will most likely succeed in your hustle in western countries and vice-versa

This is very important for everyone to set their expectations correctly before moving to western world.

I think there's lots of rumors and "my friends" case or "my friends said" in this UK discussion.

Yes. It is very risky to spend circa 20m naira to pursue immigration on students visa route. Assuming it's permanent residency on arrival, it would have been better.

Having said that, many people will still succeed in this journey. Many will regret it too. What makes the difference is individual focus, ambition and handwork.

All these talks of Nigerians with degrees doing care job, warehouse work is not a big deal. Even many Nigerian that went straight on permanent residence to Canada, US, Australia also did some of these jobs on arrival. It's only an issue if the Nigerian becomes comfortable in such jobs without finding ways to navigate themselves to more paying careers in the country.

One thing you cannot take away from these western countries compared to Nigeria is the pool of opportunities that exist to excel and succeed. The ball is only in your court to work hard and purse these opportunities. Yes it's always rough temporarily on arrival but if you know where to look, you will succeed.

sokeril:
cc
2Radii
Helpout12345
Ilekokonit
Connected1.
gaby.
NoToPile
Fahvvy
emmanuelbrown26.
RightToReject
crackhaus
pansophist

I think your brother has made good decision on this. Unfortunately their aspirations are not aligned, they might have to part ways.

It is because you just arrived. You don't understand the dating scene in Western world yet.

Start from dating apps. Na you go run later. Just be careful before you are accused of sexual assault

OP, out of the issues you have with her "standard", I think major ones are the education level and physical attraction. The age is not that far from your preference.

You said she is a Virgin, a good person and loyal to you.

1. Put her loyalty and love to tests to be very sure she is not coming after you because of your money and status. It's always difficult for good men with money to filter our genuine ladies in their relationships because even the likes of online misandrists looking for husbands will pretend to be good women when they meet a man with money and status. To do this, take away benefits you give her now for sometime, pretend like you lost your job and struggling financially for sometime and watch her reactions.

2. Being a Virgin does not guarantee a good character and good woman in marriage. You have to watch her character beyond the virginity stuff. Does she really have good character and good heart? You also need to find ways to find her true character and her true mind. To do this, follow her on social media to follow her comments, watch her reactions and comments on real life situations happening around you both, watch different Nigerian movies together and spark discussion over the happening in the movies. Most times, women get carried away in movies and pour out their true minds during the movies.

3. If she is good based on 1 and 2 above, and the fact that she is a virgin in this century, then you have find a good one. Please don't lose her because you might never find another close to her again in your lifetime.

4. Education status can be improved. She can enroll in a university online or distance learning to upgrade herself to become a graduate you want. But I must warn you, marry her before you sponsor her in education. Don't ever sponsor education of a girl friend with hope that she will marry you in return.

5. On the physical attraction, I know you cannot change her height. To enhance your attraction, tell her how you want your woman to dress and appear but be careful not to body-shame her.

6. It's not wise to tell boy or girlfriend, they are not "your standard". It's demeaning and can make them hold resentment for you if it eventually works out between you both.

Summary, be careful not to lose a good woman because of minor standards that you can improve or enhance to have a happy home.

Desireeee:
Hello young lady. Your story no complete. When this guy paid close to 300k to get you a job, you did not ask us maybe he loves you. You did not add that you are the first born and your parents wants one of your sisters to move in with you after the wedding so he can start taking care of them. You did not speak about how much he has spent for venue and the exorbitant amount your family asked him to bring for food during reception.
A proper yoruba family will make sure an introduction takes place before the wedding no matter what. Can you tell us why your family want to rush everything and make sure all is done on the same day? If your aunt who only followed you to the market to buy stuffs expects thank you, what should the person who sent you the money to buy the stuffs do then? Or you don't know many people contributed to get you that money.
Someone has spent close to 3.5m for a wedding, your aunt destroyed everything just because of "thank you". How much did she contribute? Please note that this guy has not received salary as he just got a job too and just got captured to IPPIS.
Don't come here to play emotional blackmail. You threatened him with the wedding, he found out you and your family has been using him as ATM and he left.
If you and your parents have put in efforts and funds in the wedding, will you threaten to put it on hold? It was because he bankrolled everything.
Lots of receipts dey here in case you want to press further.

I said it. It was one sided story the lady told us here. She has run now that other party is here.

Blessedmercy8:
.
So my women though.

For me, I don't always expect him to notice my outfit or dressing but he does and will always compliment my looks.

Leave him if he chooses not to notice. That shouldn't be an issue.

Make I no talk.

Blessedmercy8:
So sad.

Why all this body modification? Just to look appealing to the opposite sex or please them?
That's one stupid thing I'll never do. Change my body to please a mere man.

That was how one nairalander was telling me my tommy is big. I just laughed within.
so he expects me to go and do something about it meanwhile this fellow is short but I never complained or told him to go and get taller. There he was, pointing out my tommy. Human beings.

I've not seen that fellow that will make me go under the knife or reduce the quantity of food I eat because I want to have a flat tommy to look appealing to one coconut head.

See how this beautiful lady just ended her life.

https://www./1731104613862417/permalink/2891985407774326/?mibextid=287BMF39jioiPNbE

@bolded. Your Nairaland boyfriend ba? I just like your truthfulness sometimes.

It's not worth it for sure.
Hollywood is still deceiving many women in the world with billions of dollars being pumped into advertising and indoctrinating women into cosmetic surgeries.

So, the trend will not stop.

RUDEBOYY:
Please this have been giving me serious taughts and worry when ever I think about it.
I don't know if what I know as my age is really my real age.
Me elder brother was born on November and I was born on June of the following year,so from my calculations my elder brother only senior me with just 7months
Please how possible is this??

Go and ask your parents. But I think both you and your brother were not born by same mother at least.

Something tells me this OP is one of the famous "misandrists" calling themselves "feminists" in Nairaland but opened a new account to open this thread.

Her aim was to get encomiun from her comrades here for being "a strong woman" who does not tolerate "nonsense" from men.

johnJS:
Hmm, thank you for sharing this. Some of the reviews on them that I read on yelp and other websites had complaints in this regards. I thought they were just unhappy because of unsuccessful applications but it appears they do pile on the bills a little?

From the little I have seen online some attorneys will charge a flat fee for all the work they put in from A to Z which should be preferable.

Do you mind sharing what kind of fees your friend has encountered with them?

Flat fees are better. Don't do hourly fees, they can get you hooked and give you surprise charges down the line.

praizG:
@johnJS, based on the experience of a friend currently using Zhang and associates for his EB petition, you need to up your bargaining prowess when discussing attorney fees so you dont end up paying more (should you decide to use them). As far as I know, my friend drafted the recommendation letters for Zhang and associates to edit, dont't know about petition letter stage yet.

Thanks for sharing this.
I think I also prefer the petitioner draft the recommendation letters from technical perspective while the attorney reviews and adds legal perspectives to the letters. Such letters are stronger than those solely written by the attorney. For example, oil and gas industry, the petitioner can add all technical oil/gas and project specific terms to the letters which the attorney cannot or is not vast in, and the attorney sharpens up the letters with legal terms.

johnJS:
Hello all,

To cut a long story short I have basically struck out with getting an attorney through relatives in the US.

Helpout12345 you previously mentioned (thanks again) a couple of attorneys one of which was better for industry professionals – Zhang & Associates of https://www.hooyou.com/

I did a little research on them and though their reviews online appear a bit mixed (people with refusals are naturally disgruntled) the fact that one or two others here gave positive reviews of them helps.

So I am thinking of contacting them to get finally get this process started.

However, I would appreciate any further recommendations of attorneys experienced in the oil & gas immigration area as this is the specific industry the principal applicant works in. And like Helpout12345 hinted I would be looking for those who would give very hands-on help and direction in writing/drafting letters, petition and whatever else may be required.

The idea behind getting an attorney versus DIY is to get this exact kind of help and of course to enhance our chances of success especially as we are doing this from Nigeria.

For oil and gas industry. Add the following to the list of attorneys.

1. https://www.coane.com/attorney/francis-andrew/

Expensive attorney but helps review recommendation letters.

2. https://luishesslaw.com/

Reviews recommendation letters.

3. https://messersmithlaw.com/

You can ask for review of recommendation letters.

bummyla:
Till we hear from him!

Preparing for wedding, most especially traditional wedding is the ultimate text of a marriage!

Couples that hold their traditional wedding in peace, without quarrelling or fighting, tends to have the best marriages

I can bet you, as a married man, you people are putting this young man under a lot of financial stresses

Your aunty, I can bet you may or may not be exploiting the young man. And you know, but you choose not to fight for him, so not to displease your family.

I had that experience with my sister in-law.

As my sister in-law destroyed my marriage

I bet you that is how your aunt will destroy your happiness, in the guise that she is helping you.

Because he is a banker does not mean he is a millionaire.

Madam work with your fiancé's budget

I was working on a budget of 300K, they were working on a budget of 3M

Why wouldn't us have friction, every time

Your people's greed to show off is destroying your happiness.

I have been in your guy's shoes.

I can resonate with your experience here.

Kinzo0917:
. Let stop defending irresponsible guys. How come no one from the OP Family likes him? Does it mean no one in her family sees anything good about him? I think the guy is full of ego and pride. I am a guy and I have sisters .I can't allow my sister marry a guy too full of himself. A guy that can't respect my sisters parent

Yes nobody expects a potential son-in-law to be rude and disrespectful to his intending wife family. I am also not defending the guy.

But nothing in the write up confirmed that the guy is the one at fault yet.

We have seen over-bearing in-laws too that want their sons or daughters-in-law to be worshipping them just because they gave out their child in marriage

This is why we should not rush to condemn the man in this case until she tells us the details of their arguments.

Kinzo0917:
You wrote trash. Must we guys keep defending our fellow guys even when they are wrong? OP, ignore this guy useless writeup. You did the right thing. God made these incidence to happen so you want fall into the pit of regret

It is not useless. Ask the OP to give us details of what happens for her parents to say he is rude.

This is one sided story. See as people are rushing to say she dogged a bullet. She dogged nothing.

She cannot even tell us the details of her fiance's arguments with her family members.

ejimatic:
. Go to any community ask them to produce their wedding certificates hardly will you see 7 out of ten that will produce them.What many people do is Engagement which is not the same as marriage.

So, it is only people that have a marriage certificate that are married? Okay. I am out.

Anything for the November elections.

ejimatic:
It is a fact that 7 of 10 people in Nigeria only live as husbands and wives without any marriage.

Source of this "fact"?

Gboyega has addressed the part you wanted him to thank your aunt for driving you to market.

I am interested in more details of his arguments with your aunt and parents before I say anything further.

What was he arguing with your aunt? What happened between him and your parents for them to say he is rude?

OBABASH:
Pls. I need ur advice my Nairaland friend, my wife has been passwording her phone since I complain about her chatting with her coursemate that she was crushing for when she was in school. Pls how can I stop her from moving close to him or how can I make her realist what she did was wrong?

Grow some balls as a man. That's the advise you need.

Please move on. It's difficult to change people. Based on what you narrated here, it looks like he is a lazy fine boy and you both are not compatible in vision.