₦airaland Forum

Not bad if you want to relax at your home b4 taking off to where you hope to be at least few days and away from everyone.
But I think you have no idea what a good hotel looks like and mostly ones good for vacation or h-moon.
I also think that you assume the baby must be concieved that first meeting.Why do I get the feel you are a vir-gin?
Have you been to a good labor ward in a big hosp?Notice I didnt ask did u enter the delivery(stage 1 or 2). You'll understand there is so much that happens when a life is coming into this world;about concieving at a wrong place,how do you know the curses on the land you/landlord built on?
The real world exists and I suggest you get a compass,learn to use it, and start to make a boat bcz I think you're lost

Its ok,its what she wants.
But what do you want?He who comes to a negotiating table must offer something.You both have love (1-1) then she demands an oath(2-1),what do you also want for that from her?
If you respect each other I dnt see why an aoth; thats why there are vows.But really how old are you two and why would you want to take someone with so much history(never rescue a woman,she doesnt need that feel.She deserves her healing,allow her find it).
She clearly knows what she wants,you DONOT.
Seriously from my statistics recently, present 40yrs below are missing it.What's happening to us?

Who says a relatnship built on lies wudnt work?
Let her go to him and correct it,lay the cards that if he doesnt wish to go on then its ok,that she can live with that but he should understand for a moment she wasnt sure,freaked out at such a wonderful guy he is and scard he might despise her background.
If he understands he'll knw how to handle the parents.We all have lied for ones we love or worked around it.
Wish her a good life bt she has to evaluate if she is ready for marriage if she can fail like this

sad you're a male like me.
A real disappointment.
A group of persons that have no respect for you dnt deserve to be called family.Its not like there is a justified reason why they want you to leave who you chose.
Sad it has to be your uncle who has to tell u a family decision.Worse you gave ur fiancee a reason to think you dnt knw a way out.Even being given a part of business.
I dnt preach moralty but really are you sure you are ready for marriage?

You need to move your family to where you are,distance will destroy that home if you dnt act fast.
What she did was wrong in every sense bcz either way there would have been a way out.If ur 12wks old son was sick at 1am she would have woken a neighbor to take them or called a close relation right?
You need to stop relying on people no matter how close,make a plan B.Funny no close relation or neighbor of ur mum you could call and say pls my wife cant come tonight can you arrange someone go over or take mum to a nearby hosp and admit her for close observation for the night and u have nurses there to see her through the night.
There is this saying,"I dnt beg for what I can pay for" it keeps me;use it and stop taking offence just bcz u have the power to.
Fix ur home my friend,no matter how anyone thinks u have pushed her and she's feeling used,its supposed to be that institution "marriage" where no one is wrong and not supposed to choke

.

I hate it I have to preach this.
You both have problems,whatever we say here is supposed to be for you both but you see she'll hear from others and whatever effort you make still relies on chance.
I believe in a free world where respect comes after love,a party in a relationship wants out,give it to her but request for time to see if you both can work it out and apply all everyone here has told you and if you can show her this post.Hey! for her you could kill back in the days,it hasnt changed.
If after working and no headway,let it go man but dnt fight over the kids instead workout how their future wouldnt be affected.You both have life ahead of you and doesnt have to be together and who says you cant re-marry?
But ask for time to start over again,at least now you both know where to make amends.
For the records,you both have done nothing wrong from what I see here.You both are sincere and love family so who is wrong?was anyone supposed to be wrong in this game? Its just each have been busy with other things abandoning his/her responsibility...and I see depression on both parties.
No matter what anyone says here against you or her,you both had your best days and nothing should take out that.
Our prayers are with you

Why would I be too controlling for a human I told that she is the best thing that ever happened to me and whoever we grow old becoming I would love to live with that.
...I wasnt drunk,but if for any reason anyone does change beyond expectation sh-yt happens.
But then why "most" how come some arent.Its either the stream is dirty or you dnt know what part to fetch from.

I like to repeat what 190-the-clown said
"Honey what happened to you?"
Seriously whatever it is, deal with it.
Yes he cant have you,why?..."class" and you "were" best friends?
I think he also deserves such thing as"can you have him?"
What are you afraid of?...I think you feel you dnt respect and adore him and you want that feel;have you considered some get it in a flash others it develops,which is yours?
You dnt want to be looked at as after his money or bcz in the past he has told you of gurls being after that and you dnt want to appear to look same? He said others and if for any reason he doesnt feel so abt you,give it to him he wouldnt 2mrw.
Our friends arent actually the best people on earth,they are just those we lay our guards down for without any reason.
No matter what Honey keep the friendship,its what is about.

Gotten ur details,you can delete them from here.
Give me a few days will send it.

I think the polite thing about this is "ask",I'll assume he forgot to tell
But I like to point out,every partner should have some level of privacy in a marriage and each should respect that.If for any reason you think you need access to an app that hides his text,pics and vids,ask(you might find just nude pics of you he took, and you cannot imagine how everyone in certain office setting wants to lay hands on your phone and next thing they check is your gallery).
Its like joint account,though you want it does he/she want it? ...and its wrong making the other feel its wrong to want the opposite,it doesnt have to have a reason why a spouse want something,its just what he/she wants and friends know when to respect that, partners should know better.
Do you know why 12yrs into some marriages some women would just love any opportunity to go on a vacation alone and just not be bothered by anything about family for at least just few days,its bcz its getting to choke and God bless the spouse if he doesnt see it coming and let her have some freedom. Not that she's selfish but she needs to ease that nerve by some privacy.
Do you also know 70% of registered female users on Nigerianadultforum are married and neither do meetups or calls, ask them why they are there they tell you they have these fantasies in their head and love to talk.
Sometimes respect is what keeps the friendship and we all should know to appreciate that
Respect and grant your spouse some level of privacy,is that too much to ask?

When I comment I dnt think abt it before doing it,but whatever I say is what I think is best bcz its me talking.
I didnt see the full story bt Dear there is this thing called living, I keep repeating it;its what we humans know to do best.
For a moment you were weak,we all get to be only some like in your case put it to action and in a subject of relationship.
Nice you retraced,its ok.The only wrong thing here is it affects a heart and life on the other end but he is alive to hear you say sorry.
I'm going this way bcz "what if you're my sister" and in this,I would be there for you and pray for the best bcz no matter how bad you're stuck with me.
Wait for him for a while but if he doesnt come around for good,let it go(move on) and never for a moment think anything bad would happen to you based on what you did or feel any man who accepts you later as one who rescued you(this will never let you live a happy life if you feel rescued).
But pls be careful with any other relationship and be sure he is matured enough to take your past b4 committing as you both are partners who should share equal happiness.
You both deserve to be happy no matter how st-up-id your yesterday was
(in whatever way this turns out)

Never hit a woman
and for self defense no it doesnt begin by attacking back if the attacking force is stronger(like never take a kick), it begins by avoiding it or using the flow of such(driving a kick thru followed by a punch)
Was wrong of her to have done that to you but guez if you had been polite enough to know when and how to enter a discussion such would have been avoided.
Trust me if it was a bullet for your pal you wanted to talk to,you wouldnt have had time to retaliate,would you?
Do remember in certain societies assault could be cause of death if it happened within space of 1yr.

..."its ok to be weak"
Believe me I appreciate nairaland for the help several persons have gotten here but I must say its funny reading some comments and wondering if they are humans,but again they are a function of what has happened to them over the years,like some scar they dnt go away and when they advice you understand behind there is so much the world is more healthy not knowing about.
Back to your post. If you are not ok with having your wife seeing a male gyny its perfectly ok,its just a phase you cannot process and no its not a must you must accept that(in certain societies this is provided for).
(I have a relation who said 20yrs back that she would never be delivered by a male and this is in those communities where midwives in maternities were all you can smell,she had her 5 kids without being touched by a male). Yes some would say but what if there were complications and she was unconscious would she have had a say,no she wouldnt but in this case with her eyes wide open all she wanted was to have a say about who explores her based on the info she had and what the community could afford.
I have seen 3 gynys in a labor room who couldnt count the heartbeat of an unborn baby and had to bring in the midwife to helpout and her say was what formed the last decision(Do you know why there is a female matron in every labor ward around?).
Like to observe that most persons who would call you names are our fellow Christians,they dont know what they want in most cases and so blinded by ignorance.Its not about being jealous,its about what you want and does the society provide for such. In most northern states and FCT most moslem mothers dnt use male gyny and if they must they use the consultants except they cannot afford it(imagine a lady went to Nat Hospt and the male gyny told her to pull and lye,she being her first did hesitate,u cant imagine things this man said to her.After that preg I have been seeing this lady and I know something died in that human after that preg).
If you're not ok by it discuss it with her(most cases she isn’t also bt have less info on where to register and scared of taking chances for the med sys we have) and you both get the female ones and consultants in major hosp should you need referal.Have you ever seen two women discuss such things as names of female consultants who are gyny or heard names of ones they consider very good,no.
...do u know people sue in some societies when they feel handled unprofessionaly?
Maybe scared of their fellow women unconsciously with being entrusted with their lives.
If you want Nigerian meals in Canada,go find it if you can afford it.Its there and dnt be carried away by those who feel why waste money or you dnt want to leave your village nature.
Its your life,choose what you want if you can its sometimes called taste

would have been nice if you had given us the details of the results so those who had seen instances can advice,trust me Nigerians have seen alot.
I like to end by asking,has anyone seen the burden on the wife who wants a baby? drives certain men nuts, and you dnt blame her in this part of the world where gas cooker has better regard even by her fellow women.
Since we dnt knw wat ur results say,try to relax and stop trying to get pregnant.Take a vacation and rekindle the flame.
Also consider your accomodation and city of residence(seen instances where a change to a better and more clean residence did the magic as she became relaxed enough)

1Chr 12:32 And of the children of Issachar, which were men that had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do; the heads of them were two hundred; and all their brethren were at their commandment.
Every subject is dangerous my brothers and sisters thats why we said back in the days "all other factors remaining constant".Diff persons use same knowledge for diff things bt at the end they live on the same earth.
If you know to pray and listen to ur God fine but if his way of dealing with you is diff who shud be ur judge?
Some persons just go thru this life not knowing anything but believing its ok.

I like you to go to a neonatal and ask any doc incharge the level of consumption of "fluid" by both males and females.
Its about the food we eat more in 8/10 cases but then comes the falling off of the cord and the pain on the head children esp males compensate by eating more as those pain last.Then comes circumczn,did you remember being asked to "give him more breast milk?",even if he cries on feeling the pain,put him on his feeder that you xprezed and he continues to feed more than normal till he sleeps off.
This feeling /instinct of compensating for his pain stays unconciously and he grows up with evryone believing the way to his heart is his belly(if u think is perculiar to African men ask any IT guy abroad why he keeps aspirin).
My point whether sucking directly or xprezed have u observed he eats more than she;and I ask hw much pain is she in as he is in that tender age?

Send me an address as pm and would burn and send them by post or trans service by last week of this month as am on leave.
Dnt worry at no cost,just give me an address or trans comp to send with from Abj

I'm no an agent to anyone so this is my opinion.
Go to Jidaw that does 2weeks CCNA and pay less than 25K,the -ve you dnt get to use a live device but you'll do SIM which is what you'll write.Once you can sit in a class for CCNA then with vids you can do CCNP on your own.
Not sure where you can do Ms DB Admin but I suggest you do Access with a roadside buz centre to understand the concept of DBs and after that you can consider your choices.There are vids available for any cert and people dnt have to pay thousands except if you can afford it but in all see if you can get a place to do alittle intern after each cert.

There is a reason why counselors listen to both parties.
On all forums I see,a party brings a side of the story and in all cases like this one,lets say we all are right and he takes our advice,who would pls pass our msgs to this luvly mother of 3?
I dnt know how you both got this far but man,your wife sounds depressed and you strugling.
There is this believe,that a man who beats his wife doesnt hate her,something is eating him up;you both have personal problems.Address it and address your lack of care which you both have.
I know they preach rebuilding marriages,but I ask what happened to you two.If you two think you can give it a shot,fine but really you both have personal problems and the other doesnt deserve the punishment bcz they would gladly help.
As for finance,if you arent ok taking her money,live within your means and if she has so much let her invest or buy assets

Let this one go!
In your love you helped out a friend,she turned to have other choices.Maybe she didnt want to feel rescued or at one point felt since you all are bent on rescuing her but regarding her as an item its best she makes the best deal.Say sorry for even asking for anything and move on,a great sis as her is out there hoping to growup with you.
Either way not in my place to judge.
You had the good time while it did last,if that friendship you both confessed meant anything,you'll keep it.
To your credit she is a graduate,so? Maybe for once she felt fulfilled,wrong but give it to her as a credit.
You dnt wish a one time friend evil for any reason,yes...and you have to dust your lazy bone and move on.
Keep the friendship and value it bcz it was the best thing that happened to you both.

It's your own side of the story I'm reading so forgive me if I tend to deal with every story the way I do.
Have you considered you confided in your friend about an incident(thing) and maybe she out of her lust for your man used it? Consider why your man left you to be with your friend,the man wasnt afraid of married but with you.
I'm speaking as a male,no matter how inlove we weigh our options,standing you up was the limit but PLEASE check yourself why a man would leave you and decided to make a home immediately.I'm not ruling out they have been seeing behind you,but why would he,the man you believed in so much to be able to do things right and to have decided to spend your life with.
Resolve your personal issues so you live life,and if you can forgive;so you dnt transfer more of these burdens to whoever you decide to settle with.

yes,thanks
replied it too

Sent you a pm
will really like to have a reply

Go to him and tell him how you feel about it,he'll say sorry and make it up to you,you're his big baby you know? but he'll do more than this soon just hold on in there because something else is eating him up and if you can find out what it's,nice;maybe he doesnt want you to help,just be there for him.
The above is because there are these years when even your own birthdays don't matter to you because your life and happiness of your family(financial) depends on how much you can achieve in a short time that the window just opened and you cant just imagine how any other thing would matter and expect your soul mate to understand(bcz he/she is the only person who can understand and read your mind even if you're in coma,that's why you make them your medical proxy).
(In a case the man almost forgot something as serious as their yrly anniv, but the wife who is always good at reading him knew he has not been himself one evening asked "Honey dnt get busy on 9th".Dnt ask me if it did the magic). The sacrifice women make with their bodies in birth and chores, men compensate with their mind,brain and strength.
Do you know why its rare having instances of heart attack on women?

No matter the advice you get, no two relationships are the same. All people tell you are what they think,read, come to know or undergone, it doesnt mean when you apply it would help.
In this case I will advice two things:
a. In this life some of us believe God built it in such a way that always all you have to know to help you is know the equation that works. In matters of relationship I have come to understand that no matter how much people shy away from it horoscope applies to all individuals.I suggest, read up the characteristics of your man based on his birthday(sign) and you will understand who you are getting married to and maybe appreciate the good ones he has too.Its in him as long as he's under this sun but not concluding that God cannot change him.(if you dnt accept post his birth date and month here and I can paste his readings here,dnt check replies but can check yours). When you know the cons of you both,whenever it comes up you'll be glad you knew and move on to better things.Do you know every progress you both would have made in your personal lives have been delayed by this?
b. Pray and work hard enough. I believe in power of prayer so when its as if nothing works I go on my kneels but you see I make sure I have done enough of the right things. His idea of romance might be tied to his level of exposure and friends, you deal with it and bring him up to your level if your interested in him(we all work on our partners without making it a big deal). Wrong telling a man he's not romantic bluntly once any human is in a relationship he/she does all he/she can based on his exposure and other factors. What does your man do? Why did you accept to continue dating him? Acceptance and Respect are two things I admire in a relationship.

I always do believe anytime you discover your job is no longer interesting, then consider how lazy you have become because for 1, you are out of ideas.
But "Hey!" it pays the bill for the moment so enjoy it anyway or/and get yourself ready for another.
I believe one of the reasons anyone would decide to lose joy in one's job is if you think you are better than what you do, but if you really think you are that smart then develop your networking & professional skill, get a better position and move, no intelligent person who is not lazy has time to be bored

I'll try to be sincere with you on what I think.
How did you get this far(in decisions concerning things generally), what happened to you and you lost what you stand for,was it much choices?
Its ok to be weak sometimes and even make choices you consider wrong later, but one thing I've always believed in is, as long as you can set your heart to it, you can make it work. You have an ex as well as a man who is at your mercy, some fast and pray to have one soul who would take them in.
My advice: go all out and have fun if you can and if you can live with it; or come back home and work on your marriage.
you can make your home as lovely as you want same way you have the will to love and hate anytime you want; you can bring alife that thing for your hus if u're interested. Your ex would have stayed unmarried if he really was in love and cant do without you, and do you know how pitiful he feels for the man you love when he looks at him all for your indecision?
Sometimes when we dnt give in,its bcz we dnt want our families to be ridiculed bcz they are our pride. At every stage in our lives there is this thing we hold on to as our pride, for we married ones, our families are,what's urs now?
You dnt have to tell your husband about what happened to you and you dnt have to talk to your ex to leave you,move on and put everyone in their place.
You'll be fine, just retrace and any decision you end up with,make it yours.

I bent my head and prayed for your family.
I like to recommend the place of prayer,communication and submission on your part. Do understand its ur 1st and trust me even if you know all about pregnancy its a feeling you've never had and bound to be unreasonable.Like to know if you think your husband is worse than all you see here and like to listen to you but end up calling YOUR husband names to your face?No matter how much a woman is dirty,her family will take her in,most persons here are not family.Do you know how many ladies have because of your post made negative resolutions affecting families that would have been better of? Yes you have tried but I didnt see anywhere you prayed( some pregnant muslims are fasting as we speak).One thing I admire about our mothers was they lived with their problems admiring the scare each left behind.He complains,make urself comfortable(take d AC remote and since u're always getting up to use the convenience means all you need do is put off the AC).What if he has mood swings like you.For him making his food alone,fine,pretend u didnt notice and keep making all(a lady in my office still made her hubby's meal on coming back from delivery).Not asking you risk ur health but do you know if u werent doing well or maybe in one of the villages u'll be making casava till 11pm and still make ur food gladly? He asked you take ur leave,u're entitled to 16wks and u're above 35wks,take it and come home to prepare since you dnt have much help.I saw a friend's wife during her last pregnacy and believe me I started avoiding her after then why,bcz she was unbearable towards her "Mr. Right" b4 everyone and hormones or not a patient woman's joy not even pains can steal it(I have a family).If you feel any changes even irregularities at any stage its adviced see your care provider not stay in bed and bear it.At ur stage now I expect you to be going for monitored physiotherapy or gym that admits pregnant women as you need those exercises even from 1st trimester.
I might have been all about what you should do bcz I didnt hear from him.Dnt forget a wife beater doesnt beat her bcz he dislikes her,something is eating him up,you're his mate even with ur pregnancy,help him or get people help him;bcz if he were to have a heart attack even on ur 39wk and 5days,you'llnt let him die.
Its ur home and for whatever reason you chose him and even decided to make a family,you werent wrong and can never be wrong.
Learn to live,living is what we humans know to do best with or without assistance.We owe our families to wait for them to come around not to say sorry to us

The subject is "my names" which is a
plural and therefore "are" is used. If the subject
had to be "my name" then "is" would be used
because the subject is singular. This is the rule of
concord my people.

and by the way,its not polite introducing yourself and mentioning your middle name

Ma'am,recently I learnt that its ok to be weak sometimes.
Most persons have suggested you give him time,its ok
but others feel there is no time,that also is true but how you go about it depends on the kind of man you have,so you decide by the kind of man with whom you have 4 kids.
I will you to note the following though :
-Cut down on bills and that includes kids fees(there are nice schools that pay less,you are responsible if you can find them not by that you can pay more) and rent if you live in a large house.
-Consider the spiritual strength of ur household.I'm a practicing christian but I read my horoscope,that of my wife and kids and close workers(bcz its when I know what your prediction says I can tell whats happening to you).I'm not ruling out that God cannot lead me and I help you,but sometimes I have to wait to know my wife's disposition by weekly,monthky or daily prediction or after prayers together to know when to ask "Honey do you have something u like to do as I like to talk abt this or can we later today".Really the polished side of this some call it emotional intelligence but it helps in communication. Also if for instance it says this year he wouldnt get a job,then he would know how to plan and pray to change that.
-I dnt knw how after 4 kids you both didnt sit for 30mins to plan for a time like this,its disturbing.Most marriages I see are filled with competition and everyone on his own,his job/her job,thats why husbands/wifes dnt know anything about each other's profession and when he/she is drying, the affected party feels the other cannot help and bottles up.Its wrong of him to bottle up,but if you stick around he'll say sorry later.
-its not easy being on paid job to be dismissed and even if one has billions to setup a business,but try and findout his plans and how you can help(help and not ask him if you should,more of like build it like he would with you).He might be smart to have saved,but if its long term savings without having invested it then you have a man that needs little help mentaly bcz there is Fed Govt TBills he could have fixed 2M and other stuffs that are risk free and he couldnt.
Really I read this since morning and was feeling very concerned but I bowed my head and prayed for your family
pls take care of that home,thats why men make you their medical proxy when they are going under(they trust you with their life). Whether he comes back psychologicaly or not(which we dnt pray),we all signed to be with our mates and to bear each others burden,thats what it was about from the start,even if he doesnt deserve more,do it for God(I have seen a woman take over training of 6kids and no help but God,she died but was happy she did her best and guess what one is a Senior Manager today in Central Bank and others doing so well and each with min BSc)

Ma'am,I will make this straight:
Your husband is not cheating on you.
Go return the passion you both had at when you said I do and stop being intimate with him bcz he wants it,men feel when you do that and its unfair,1st trimester you might not be feeling hot but 2nd you do.
Pls tell us what it is you do,do you have vast experience in Nigerian office settings for both serious govt and private organisations?
How come its only on nairaland every lady's husband is a cheat and every guys wife is a low life or lazy being who nags.
You dnt need any advice,if you think what you feel is enough to move on,do;but pls sit down and talk and leave nairaland advicers I included out of your problems.
You'll loose him someday either naturaly or otherwise so why not save other ladies the trouble of increasing their hate for the marriage institution.
Trust and patience my dear is a virture even in the face of betrayal
God bless you in whatever you decide and keep your home