₦airaland Forum

Sponty600:
Even when I don't use perfumes
It still persists

Please check your surroundings where you live. Your rooms, toilets, what you cook and eat, the soap you use (local soap?), What you fry. Do you sweat under your armpit? Strong odor may be coming out there. Sometimes, your surroundings and your fried food can also give you special strong "perfumes".

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

You should have tried to let us know the little good side of her so that we can form a better opinion.
However, it is quite a difficult situation you have found yourself but I think you can still work on it and make it work.

3 to 4 times sex in a month isn't that bad. Though, as a man, it is obvious you need more. There are women who will never ask for sex in a marriage except when they notice that the man is no longer interested for it or has started keeping a side chick and then they will try to initiate it to see whether the man will refuse or not.

On food, how do you mean when you said that she cooks for the kids but not for you? Does she tag the food as "for kids" and "for hubby" after cooking? Does she stop you from getting food from the pot after cooking? Since you said you are a food type, I suggest that you learn how to cook and start cooking what you want to eat yourself. Don't wait for her again.

On finance, do you mean you don't contribute to do family projects together? Both of you should sit down and plan again. Have you built your own house? Do you have joint investment? If No, why?

Again, do youean you don't buy her gifts just because she earns well? NO! You got this one wrong. Buy her gifts; clothes, undies, colognes, shoes, wristwatch, jewelry, phones, etc.

Does she drive car? Who bought the car? Who fuels it? Who takes it to mechanic? These needs to be sorted out if you are not the one doing them.

Change. Stop forming the boss if you still want the marriage. Work on some of these stuff mentioned above and when things start getting together, discuss with her the need to jointly execute family projects like joint savings, real estate investment or business expansion since you said she has a side hustle. What of you? Do you have a side hustle? She may feel she is working harder than you if you don't have an extra thing doing to earn more money.

Finally, get a side chick to reduce your pressure on her since she is not a sex type. Look for a young mature girl (preferable, a student) to quench your burning desire. Ensure you are not carried away by her youthfulness and succulent body. Use protection at all times.

Good luck!

Wannabenz:
I married a virgin(21yrs) sex use to hurt her at the initial stage but she's getting comfortable as days go by...so we normally do one or twice a day and it's good so I'm not complaining.

Recently I noticed that after every sex, she'll fall asleep faster...as in deep sleep. I also noticed that most times that she wants to sleep, she'll initiate sex maybe for her to feel better and sleep.

I'm hoping it's not a medical issue.

You have a sweet wife. Just try and maintain the tempo and also treat her nice so that you won't come here in the next 10 years to tell us how your wife will be complaining that you are not romantic.

snthesis:
Got a shocker recently, my wife suddenly says i am not romantic after 10years of marriage and having 3 children... should i be worried
we got married young and she now in her early 30s

p.s
she now wants to get a tattoo, piercing. waistbeads and wear leg chain

Waistebeads? To impress who? You or another man? Piercing where? Nose? Ears? Or down there? If nose or ear, you may encourage her to do it but if it's down there...hmmm... Wahala dey oo.


The hard truth maybe difficult for you to absorb. She is ready to flirt if she is not doing so already. It is also possible that both of you were not together at a certain time and she tasted another man after a long time without s3x. The feeling for her must be great and she may think it has something to do with you.

Solution:

Spice up your marriage by ;-

Try to bring next things in your sexual lives - try new styles,
try s^cking her down there,
Do not engage her in s3x often,
Try doing it once in two weeks or more,
Be buying her gifts,
Be taking her out once in a while without the kids and
Finally, upgrade your own wardrobe.
Dress smartly,
Buy designer Snickers, shoes, wrist watches,
Wear nice and mild colognes.
Don't link what you are doing to her complaints of you not being romantic.

You will thank me later.

Ike Ekweremadu was senseless in this process.

Prior to this time, have you both ever discussed making babies together?
It is not that cool to be in a situation you are not prepared and I think that is her case.
If given a better opportunity you might not be the man she would want to spend the rest of her life with.

Seun:
Dear Igbo People,

I sincerely apologize for allowing a toxic political banner advert which said, "Lagos can never be run from Anambra; go and vote" to run on Nairaland for several hours on Wednesday, March 15, 2023.

The mischievously worded banner advert appears to have been part of an ethnically divisive political campaign aimed at securing Lagos State for the ruling party by instilling fear in Yoruba people, making them believe that Igbo people intended to "take over" Lagos State.

Such ethnically divisive political campaigns have no place in a forward-thinking democracy, and for this reason, the ad should have been taken down instantly. No harm was intended, but my lack of forethought about the ethics of that type of advert led to a disappointing outcome.

We should have had a clear policy against accepting negative and ethnically divisive ads on Nairaland, we should have communicated it to all advertisers, and we should have taken down any advert that violated that policy instantly. This will all be in place before the next election.

We made almost N16,000 from the ad. We will double it and donate it to victims of political violence in Lagos.

Please, do NOT give up on Nigeria. The times are challenging, but TOGETHER, we will overcome.

Sincerely,
Seun Osewa.

This is more of "just run the ads, later we go apologize".

Wedon.

Obi is a movement

Pimplewankeeme:
Ladies and gentlemen, pimple have finished me. 80% of my forehead have been pimplerized. I need your help nairalanders. I don't feel comfortable under my skin again. And to make it worse, I have an upcoming interview in few days time o.

I used Bio-oil from 1st to 7th of this month but I didn't see any changes and I've long stopped using it. I also used K-brothers papaya soap during that time o.. but no effect

Lastly, does masturbation cos pimples? Cos the thing wants to finish my life.. my 1GB data no longer last up to 3 days o. Pls how can I stop this pimples. I want to have the skin of a new born baby o 😢. Pls helpful suggestions is needed house

I want to be honest with you - this is just a sign of poverty and or poor dietary.

Ekweremadu's pay back came too fast.

Upon all the suffering Nigerians were going through, he was bold to be used as a tool to scuttle the will of the people.

Same crook will be hailed by his people whenever he comes back.

Okosin:
I am an engineer working in Port Harcourt while my wife is a public health worker working in Abuja. May 2023 will make us two years in marriage. We are expecting out First child soonest.
Sometimes i just feel frustrated at the whole thing but then We still have to make ends meet. We have applied for jobs in each others location all to no avail. I am becoming tired of the whole situation especially with the coming of our child. I need meaningful advice on what to do.p

Distant marriage that doesn't have a definite date for reunion is a scam. It is best described as boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Both parties are exposed to continuing in their former ways/relationships outside the marriage especially if each of them still maintains their former place of abode.

kokoA:
Emefiele is a useless man. This is what he wants.

Does Emefele have power to change the policy that Buhari wants to implement?

Upset700:
I've been having issues with guys for years now, especially with guys I sleep with.
Whenever I like a guy, or get interested in a guy and then i have sex unintentionally (he wants it but I don't).. After then there's this irritation, I loose interest, I cut the person off.

It's more like he has sold his value to me, like there's no prize, probably he is a great guy but that act alone makes me very uncomfortable.
I know this is usually a guy thing, but I've been struggling with this for years.

I feel men should also stop selling themselves cheap...cus they are women who wouldn't value what they can get easily.

You have been meeting poor and low class guys. It could also be that you're classless.

Lifeinbits:
For those of you thinking I am young, I am a 40 years old man while my girlfriend is 28 years old. We had some conversation this morning and it's so glaring that she wants me to go through the study route or try another country then she can come and join me. She said that going as a dependent means I want to settle for crumbs while i can also get the big bones. And I am insisting to her that it's doesn't matter even if F2 does not work, I can always do under the table job.

Forget about the girl! You will be okay 2 months after she leaves. Cut off communication with her if she is no longer interested in you. Man up and find your own japa route

Lifeinbits:
Myself and my girlfriend have been dating for almost three years that she sometimes stays in my house too. I have always had the intention of traveling abroad but i don't know how, so last year my girlfriend brought the idea of traveling and how she wants to try US study route and I encouraged her to do so. I also supported her so much with my money by helping her to pay her application fee and TOEFL exam.

While doing all these, we had a conversation and she told me that if she is able to get a fully funded offer that we will be going together and I will be going with her as dependent. Now my girlfriend has gotten admission but she is yet to apply for visa and she has changed plans. She does not want me to go with her rather she is advising that I should also use the study route ifi want to travel.

Note : we had the intentions of getting married but right now she doesn't want us to get marry.

Guy, the only way out is for you to find your own way. Nothing will change her mind about her plan to dump you if you have no plan to travel on your own too. Forget about her but start now to plan your own japa. You may chose a different country, say UK.

ChinemeremFidel:
Please Nairalanders,,matured ones

Which country can I get the visa easily and the transport cheaper and less competitive with 1.5 million Naira


Even though I have about 5 million Naira in my account,, someone has decided to help me

Please I don't want to make mistakes in this?

Which country can I go to??

The equivalent of N1, 500,000 around this time in 2015 was N372,000. Just imagine the country you could trave to, in 2015,with N372, 000. I hope you get my point.

In Buhari's mind, his brothers are playing

Crap. Everyone has their price tag. 75k isn't hers. When she sees her price, what the guy will receive is invitation card.

madamgrace:
https://www.facebook.com/100050898281813/posts/pfbid02BWtooQnQD26Axat2CXyTdJYHjdvL6k8DD1PoJyTTXZcCBiNPyC4oBZomgGvBej9Ql/?mibextid=Nif5oz

Very useless analysis. Is the current government not everything bad? Has Nigeria ceased to exist? How is voting a Northerner to succeed a Northerner in a country with more than 200m people according to you not more divisive than united?

It will be more honourable to go straight and campaign for your pay masters rather than hiding under fake analysis to deceive the gullible.

@Op,

You didn't need to arrest her. You should have arrested the brother rather.

She is also feeling bad but hiding it from you shows that there are a whole lot of other things she has been hiding from you.

My wife can tell me anything, I mean anything.

Blessedmercy8:
Someone raised this question in church last week being a family weekend in my denomination.
She asked if it's right for christian couple to do other sex styles apart from the "mummy and daddy " style and there were mixed reactions from the youth and some of our old school parents.

One elderly woman said, there's only one way to the door while some young mothers said if both parties agree then it's fine but I ( representing the youth) was of the opinion that it's a sin. This didn't go down well with some of our middle aged mommies until I backed it up with some points..

One of the mommies was like, since they are now married, they own their bodies and can do whatever they like with it but I countered her by asking if such styles glorify God.

I went on to ask where such styles were copied from... Pornography. This dirty styles were not in existence before now and was not practised by our forefathers; even if it was, it was probably during Sodom and Gomorrah and we all know God's take on their actions. Now bringing to our own time, these styles became popular when pornography took over the internet and most couples practicing it learnt it from pornographic contents ( which is a sin) probably during their worldly days and are now gradually bringing such practice into the church and trying to paint it nice by saying their bodies belong to each other therefore they can do anything.

Pornography where these styles emanated from is a sin and this makes the practice of such styles a sin as it doesn't give glory to God but the devil. As christians, I believe everything should be done in moderation and to the glory of God.

Remember, your body is the temple of the holy spirit. So, do not use worldly practices and fetishes to defile your bodies.

What you guys think?


Modified.

Ok guys, I see everyone trying to justify this act by saying it's not stated anywhere in the bible what styles couples should do but at the same time condeming the act of anal sex. What a double standard.

Now, if we are to go by your submissions, where is it stated in the bible that the VJ is the right entrance and not anal?

Were Adam and Eve taught where to use, going by your argument? No, they chose it themselves. So why kick against anal if I can't kick against different styles?

This shows that we all have a sense of right and wrong and should be able to do the right thing and not try to bend it to favor us when it's not convenient reason some can say anal sex is wrong and different styles is not right. Simple!

Useless.

CorrectBizWoman:
Please who else is been sex starved at home. I can count how many times we've had sex since dis year. Always money money money all the time which is beginning to bother a lot more on greed. We're very comfortable. Solid investments, own the house we live in.

He don't cheat at least none that I know of and he's very free with his phone.

I'm tired of living this way... Any help guys? He's the last person you can seduce. It just don't work with him.

To think it's this same man loves sex like crazy even after our kids before this money talks, makes me wonder how people change so fast

Be sincere. Tell us how you responded to his own seductions and demands for sex during the early stage of your marriage.

Should I say he is paying you back? A lot of women starve their husbands sex at the early stage of their marriages without knowing that such doesn't wipe away easily from the men's memory. Many of them like to pay back at any stage in their marriages when they feel they can especially if they were forced to look for succour outside home during those days of starvation.

The evil this man supported just bottled his potentials.
He can't be an emir and he can't join politics. Wahala

humility101:
I met this lovely lady (30 yo) online 2 months ago. She is in Nigeria and I’m in the Uk. We have been actively chatting, phoning and having lots of facetime. She’s got all they qualities I need in a wife. She has also gone to see my peeps once and they said nice things about her.

I’m planning on wedding her this Christmas and she can join me immediately (UK can be very lonely without a partner) on a dependent visa.

But sometimes I pause and ask myself, I hope I’m not rushing this whole thing? I hope she is not pretending to be nice? I hope she truly loves me? I hope she is not seeing me as a means to japa? A lot of questions going through my mind. This is marriage and I don’t wanna make mistakes.

Advice me please.

One serious thing that makes marriage difficult is when you cheat and your partner finds out. This is one thing that one can be careful about.

Every other thing seems difficult to control in marriage. The truth is that some people can be so blessed that they marry their best matches. In that situation marriage looks perfect and partners can enjoy as if the world is the best.

Youngblood007:
I have a girlfriend that is schooling in ekpoma while I school in Abraka. She entered uni before me though am catching up cuz of the strike. I really love her.

The problem is we don't really talk, we could stay for over 2 weeks without hearing from the other person. When I call her, she doesn't pick but she'll call back with one excuse or another. I won't lie and said av had some backyard business in school, but those sex were plainly out of konji and I don't really talk to the girls again.
My girl recently confessed that she had something to do with a guy, though she claims she didn't have sex with him.
The last time I saw her was around February. She doesn't send her normal pics talk less of nudes, even when konji is squeezing my neck.
Am really confused as we've been together for some time now and I can't bring myself to break up as I am very much attached to her emotionally.
I need advice on what to do.

The truth is that she has a permanent boyfriend over there. She wouldn't pick your call when she is with him and that is why she calls back at her convenience. Bro, don't bother yourself about her. Get another girl and catch your cruise. Life isn't supposed to be this serious as you want to paint it.

This one pain am

HeadNigga:
She is cheating. You have one option which is to throw her out(divorce). Her eyes go clear when the man deceiving her refuses to come take charge openly as her man.

Two bad options

Start getting sex elsewhere too but do it with protection so that when her madness stops you don't infect her with a disease you contracted while playing away matches. I hope the man is not digging her raw though coz in her case she will not only bring back a deadly disease but a bastard too.


The last option which is not an option is to endure coz you have endured enough from what I read. Endure cheating? Hell no. Man up

I can't say more. This is also my take.

Issybilla:
Hi
To those that have probably been there or have an idea about it.
How do you handle sexual urges especially if your partner is not available.

It happens that hubby has been away for quite some time, eight month precisely and he isn’t coming back any moment.

These days has just been messy for me as I am always Hot and wet as fhhuckk, whenever I get up from bed, my pant is always soaked. I have tried to suppress the pressure to touch myself or use objects but it seems the pressure is overcoming me, damn I hardly even concentrate on any other thing, my mind is just fhhhuccked up right now, all my thoughts are bordered on dirty wild sex almost all day.

Are there therapists or some kinda experts one can talk to, I really fear for myself.

Have you discussed with your hubby how you feel nowadays? I suggest you open up with him and explain how honestly you need him to "service" you. He might make plans to intermittently visit you or bring you over to himself.

Preciousgirl:
What is wrong with men?
Can't believe that my ex guy whom I broke up with years ago is asking me out again
Knowing very well that I am married
Should I tell my husband?
Should I block him?
Please how do I handle it?

I am never interested in him

You gave him room to do that and you clearly knew how it all started again. If you like, brake your marriage, it is your cup of tea.

Why disturbing us?

Waynesteave:
Like you read up there, I don't actually know my age, but I can remember some event way back,
I lost my mum and dad so early and I grew up with grandma.

I remember my uncle coming to take me back to lag, in year 2000 precisely and I remember very well when that bomb blast at Ikeja cantoment happened for days in Lagos.

Now key important things to know is, when my uncle came to take me back to lag it was during third term holidays and I was on my way to primary 2 then but when I got to lag he enrroll me to private school and I was taken back to nursery 3 because baba (me) no Sabi even speak English as at then, and I still remember that very moment very well.

So like how many years of age do you guys think I might be then cuz all the memories are still fresh in my brain so for me to still remember everything then, I am thinking maybe i was 7 or 9 then. I'm so confuse.

You have more important things to worry than your age especially when it is not your fault. The most important thing about your age should be to maintain a consistent date of birth. About 98% of Northerners do not know their real date of birth and it has never been an issue like the Southerners always make it look.
Face your front and see how you live longer and a good life for your own children.

When he voted Buhari in 2015 and 19 did Yoruba people not contest?

This is why Nigeria is backward. Tribal bigot everywhere.