mrbenjame:
I think I need matured minds to advice me because I’m very confused right now. Please take pains to read my story.

I dated a lady called Susan (not her real name ). For 4 years. I loved her so much and she did too. I met her when She was preparing to enter the university. 6 months into the relationship I went for service. Came back and it was already clocking 2 years. Whenever she visits I always try to make her comfortable. So she took advantage of my care and always wanted me to serve her all the time. Even when she visits from school she would be operating her phone and watch me do what on a normal terrain she should assist me do. As a young guy I try as much as I can to let her know that at least once in a while it would be nice to get my meal served by my woman even if I prepared it (since she doesn’t like entering the kitchen). Most time I overlook it because probably she’s very tired and all that. Sometimes I thought I was just being selfish but I really wanted to feel that woman attributes but I wasn’t seeing it.

Each time we fix time for a date she comes very late and that piss me off to my bone marrow. She never keeps to time. I endured this for a long time because she never turned up early in any appointment. She calls me at late hours and when I try to explain to her that it’s late she gets angry ( I’m talking of 12 am or there about) and I’ll go to work the next day. Anytime she offends me she would want to be romantic so I’d forget her wrongs just to calm me down. But I was suffering inside.

I felt very weak emotionally and decided to take things easy.

Until I met this lady called Benita (not her real name). I liked her. I admired everything about her. So I approached her while we were going back home from work. We had good conversations and I was happy because she was fun to be with. We exchanged contact and we started chatting. Forgive me because I became happy again just talking to her. Whenever we say goodbye when she gets off the bus she times when I’d get home and immediately I step my foot in my house she calls.( already I’ve told her when I’d be home). I invited her to a date in an eatery and she turned up 10 minutes to the time. I was shocked.

I became more involved with her. I invited her home. She went to my kitchen and she said “ your plates are not washed why? I just smiled and told her I’ll take care of that. Before I knew what was happening she’s started washing the plates. I begged her to stop because I didn’t send her to do that and besides it’s her first time in my house. But she refused. I let her (though the plates were not much but I was happy). She started visiting often with food items to cook. And I obliged to assist her. She refused again. We argued until she had her way. I just sit with her in the kitchen and gist while she cooks. To me I felt I was punishing her because all I wanted is that things of such can be done by her once in a while. (I sabi pity person o. Lols!). And secondly I’m not used to a woman doing things for me for a very long time now.

She calls all the time. Talks so lively and very funny. She’s not the miss romantic type but very smart and reserved.

After a while, you can’t cheat karma. Susan found out. She came to know about Benita. And since then it wasn’t easy settling between two of them. But Susan won’t just give up and I think I’m cool with Benita.

Today Benita is in her 100 level while Susan is about going for her service.

Now I’m trying to be responsible to settle down. I talked with my mum and some close friends of mine but they’re tipping Susan for me because she’s out of school and it would make things much easier for me than settling with Benita. But I love Benita now. She makes me happy. What do I do?

Human beings are funny!

While one can't conclude that Susan is the best in the world.
However, your character can't be hidden for too long. You never said anything about Benita, but she's the one that makes you happy, go with her. We're waiting for your misery story when Benita moves into your house, you'll continue your kitchen chores and she'll sit quietly for you to be done, and she'll come chop.

All the best.

BiafraforTrump:


Fool what do you know about imo?, you think all these your write ups here from dirty afonja land will cover the true situation of things.. APC criminals installed hope uzodinma against the wish of the people of Imo state period and the people are sad.
Idiot!
if you like call them wailer or waiter from now till thy kingdom come it is inconsequential..

Eeyah! See home training.

What can I do to help you from this ill-mannered behavior?

Grow up, release your hate virus and enjoy deliverance for once.

Rev Fr. Mbaka is not far from you, go for prayers, you never can tell, you may the next governor of Imo.

Are you married? Your wife will deal with you if you use this dirty mouth with her.

Grow up guy.

donbachi:
What a black day for the judiciary....all the same,too late to cry.

I like Imo people e! They must be professional wailers! Ihedioha don't have money to pay all these wailers o!

Doctorjames:
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soobaba:
Hi guys,
So I'll be very direct and summarize this as possible. But please bear with me if I get carried away...
I've been been dating my girlfriend for a year now and we are very serious and I'm even considering proposing to her, but we are not based in the same town.
So I called her with another number last night, she couldn't recognize my voice cause I sounded different, so I decided to play around cause we gist and make fun of each other a lot. So I acted like I was someone who got her number and is trying to toast her.
She asked who was speaking and I said Victor, that I got her number when I saw her in the bank, we were on the same queue, so i copied her number from her teller, she laughed and all, so after all the lines I poured out, she was just laughing and flowing along, so I asked if we could see that night, but she said it was late but I had to persuade her, so she agreed that I instead come to her place to see her. "This is someone she hasn't met before and she agreed for him to come see her at her place, in the night for that matter".
So I asked for her address and she gave out her real address, asked if she has a boyfriend and she said yes but we ain't in the same town.
I got upset and had to open up and ask why she's cheating on her guy? At this point she was mute and ended the call. I called back but she didn't answer anymore.
So I just dropped a message on WhatsApp that I was disappointed.
Her reply was devastating: she wrote;
keep your disappointment in your pocket.
Don't even get me more angry.
Just do yourself a favor by not ever mentioning me in your mouth again.
Remove everything that has to do with me in your phone and life.
Rubbish.
No be only disappointment.
Grow up.
Comot for my front make I see road jor...
I haven't replied her yet, don't even know what to say to her right now, thought about calling her but my brother told me not to, that I should just free her. Please guys what should I do?
Moderator please help me move this to front page...

If your story is true. God just delivered you from a lifetime sorrow.

If you're also better than her, move on. In any case, most guys are not different from the ladies. It's just same same.

Timson01:
Hello NL,

Before I got married my husband said he needed 2 children while I wanted twins but our second pregnancy was twins so we had 3 instead. Then I took implant so to avoid getting pregnant again but my system became messed up that my monthly flow would last for 2 to 3 weeks.
So after 3 years I decided to remove it so to get back myself only for me to get pregnant instead and I found out when I was already 3 months gone and the pregnancy is causing me to be in so much pain that I can’t move at times making my husband do everything at home cause i’m always in bed
Now I discovered my husband is chatting another lady calling her babe and the rest although he assured me that he accepts this baby but I feel we are getting apart by the day.what do you suggest i do?
I can’t even have proper sex with him because my heart rate increases and I can’t move afterwards. Yes he was the one who took me to the hospital for removal we have been together for 11+years now
Just before I got pregnant I was having a lot of guys wooing me that my husband became very active in his affections towards me and it made me feel like I’m being courted again then this happened
The worst part is that I’m in physical pain. I can’t satisfy his desires. He even made me watch porn movies with him but I’m just too tired to respond to him. I have never been like this but I don’t know what to do
He has no parents as they pass away his senior brother just got married and always asks for marriage tips from us so saying this to him now I just can’t bring myself to do so.
Should I still keep the baby although I can’t bring myself to do anything to my child i just feel all this wouldn’t have come up if I didn’t get pregnant.

Anonymous NL Member

Quite a number of suggestions have been offered to you here.

Above all, get relaxed about your husband's chats with anybody. Your fears may even be unfounded.

Your utmost concern now should be your health. Get a hand to assist in domestic chores, not all men are domesticated unfortunately. I hope others reading this will learn and teach their boy children how to be useful at home. If the boys don't learn from age 1, they won't start when they get married, by then it's too late.

Please, avoid self medication, avoid unverified herbal treatments.

Communication is easy if we'll start it by calming down, appreciating your spouse for all the assistance and then tender your concerns genuinely. Somebody that makes love to you will not suddenly turn away from your concerns if you address your concern politely, painfully many of us are not taught the art of communication.

Also, avoid reporting him to anyone without trying what has been suggested above. It's only if all of these failed that 3rd party involvement can be considered.

I pray for you and your husband and the whole family that you will get over this in a very short time. You will also be able to handle your ego from preventing you from following these advices. God bless you.

karkinase:

Why didn't the Baby daddy deemed her worth enuf for marriage...

That's a different ball game altogether. We were never told what led to their separation. Now that you've decided to marry this single mum, get it right that she'll always have something to do with the guy because of their child.

If she wasn't going out with the guy again, you don't have any cause to worry!

Even if you're ready to bear the responsibility of raising her child, you still can't deny the father access to the child and other issues concerning the child.

Your best bet is to meet the guy, if the guy wants to keep having anything to do with your wife, she must be willing to bring the guy to meet you or else you back out.

If she's not willing to allow you meet the guy, then something may be going on between them.

streetsoldier1:
I tried all I could to save face, just have to end it all after discovering that the single mother I married still contacts her ex regularly...

Despite forgiving her several errors even while we got engaged, she still has the guts under my roof to mess up.

Warning guys, never ever marry a single mother that has been messed up!!!
6 years was messed up!!!

Sometimes we don't appreciate the dept of what we're signing up for.
A single mother must take care of her child, and the father has a right to know what's going on with his child.

How would all of these happen without relating with the ex.

Did you find out she's going out with the ex again or what?
You didn't say anything explicit about her offence.

Please, take into consideration all of these factors before labelling her.

GoTV:
Even though I'm a born again Christian, i think ee Christians are hypocrites. When the Chinese government banned Islam and were persecuting our Muslim brothers, we Christians were happy thinking it's all about Islam. Now the chicken has come home to roost. I hope they sentence more pastors worldwide to reduce the influence of the fake Jewish religion

You're indeed a born again Christian.

esivue007:
Why are u replyin like this??
he's not gonna fvck ur ass.
give him a solution or....let him be.

Yes, he needs solution.

Meanwhile, this type of issue is unbelievably psychological.

You may not want to tell us the size of your dick here, that's ok, but hear this; the average size of dick across board is 4" when soft, 5.5" when erect.

Anyone with bigger boy are the exceptions, Baba God was only humourous in giving them that big.

Let's start by saying that no matter the size of your instrument, the skill about how to use it is more important than the size.

Women too don't help matters, most of them felt the great feeling they get, or the orgasm itself is as a result of the length or size of the guy, but no sir/ma.

The portion of the female genital that gives the satisfaction to women is within 3" from the entrance, except your dick is less than 3" at erection.

So Oga don't break your head about this size matter.

Relax and thank God for what he gave you. Read more for better understanding on how to pleasure your wife. Or na because of girlfriend you make talk this plenty?

Take your time o!

MaxVee:
I Am Losing My Mind, Could This Be Love Or Foolishness?

Okay, I'd be quick and brief as well.

So about 6 months ago, I met my girl on facebook, And after months wooing her to date me, she finally agreed and we started dating..

Like everything was perfect and indeed I fell deeply in love with her even before I met her.

So along the line in our relationship she told she had a best friend who is a guy and they have know each other for like 4years..and that they talk very well (calls and chat) and that they tell each other they love themselves, but if I wasn't cool with it,I could break up she would understand.

As a guy I knew I had fallen for her and I embraced her telling me about the guy after a strong assurance from her that they were not into any sort of relationship with each other.

So my girl called me like let's say a month after we started dating that there was this her friend who she hadn't met and that wanted and she was going to see him, and I was like fine, she should just be fine.

P.S:- I hadn't met with my girl even till the point she went to meet the guy...I was in the west and she was in one of the states in the East..more like a long distance relationship.

Fast forward to days after they met I became uncomfortable with the relationship between my girl and the said new guy she met..I talked to her severally about it and she was at some point swearing not having anything to do with the new guy she just met.

Fast forward to the festive season I came back and I met my girl for the first time..indeed she was everything I imagined and we flowed amazingly well.

Long story cut short in the midst of one of our long conversations I discovered she have at some point had sex severally with her said best friend...so I was like since it was before we met I forgave her and we moved on..

yesterday I asked her if she has anything with the new guy and she swore again not having anything with him that the guy has been asking her out and she refused dating him.

She said plenty of things that convinced me into believing that nothing was going between them.

P.S:- before yesterday I told her to tell the new guy she has a boyfriend and she promised to..(from the actions of my girl I could tell she loves me.) She later told me that day that she told him and she had blocked him and stuff..and trust me I did believe her.

So this morning while she was sleeping I reaching out to her phone and went straight to her WhatsApp.. opened the chat with the guy and what I saw broke me..

She was reconciling with him over the break up she instigated of which was caused by something totally different not even because she told him she had a guy..what killed my spirit was a message she wrote to the guy saying "she left me for him even though I was far much a better option"..I confronted her and she has been pleading saying she loves me but she likes him and that they haven't had anything except kissing and caressing..that she loves me so much..that she started liking him when she started talking to him more frequently and I was far away. She hadn't know me..so she got fond of him and she likes him.

I love this babe so much, I told her I forgive her..but please I need your opinions..am I blinded by love or am being foolish..

How would you handle the situation. If it was you..
La La.. please help move this to front page
Am breaking every hour.

I was about insulting you till I read the 1st person to comment after your post.

I forgot that I've once been in a heartbroken state too before. One thing however that is clear in that situation is, either you're going to remain broken and keep behaving stupidly or you get your eyes clear and move on.

Emotions are powerful, truly 80% of our description is our emotions. Powerful influence it has upon us.

From my analysis, the lady is a dunce, rotten with no sense of selfworth. If you remain a day longer with her, definitely you're worse than her.

Except this is a Nollywood script, go do better things with your life and prepare for a great and better future with a girl well trained from home.

strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

Don't look for sympathisers from this platform, even if you get one, that's not what you need.

You've said it yourself, certain revelations won't happen till certain situations show up.

Unfortunately, she couldn't handle her new status. Meanwhile, it's for a temporary period. You'll soon go beyond this bend in the journey of your marriage.

It is also a period of self-examination, so, don't miss it. Critically look deep into yourself.

However, don't get pained about her behaviour, she's just reflecting her level of maturity, she needs to grow up!

On her siblings and parents, just take your cool. Keep watching all of them, without being bitter towards anyone, remember, everyone is being given opportunity to show who they are at this junction of your life.

Let your job search continue, or look towards alternative of starting a business, you never can tell, God may be setting you up for something bigger than a paid job.

Above all, call her for a heart2heart discussion without anyone's interference. Just the two of you. Explain your observation and let her show her innocence or arrogance about your observation. This will allow you to remind her when things turn around, for it will surely turn around.

Remain positive and loving. Ask of her opinions about the situation of things and what she thinks you need to do better or about upping your game.

Just remain yourself, hard, but possible.

Brock202:
Hi everyone, i dont want to bore you with long talk.
I need your advise on this issue,
Me and this girl have been in a relationship for over a year now, she posses some of the features i want in my woman but she's lacking one thing which is intelligence, i always be the one to bring up a topic we can talk about, I've never meet her for advice or anything that bothers me because i know she can't proffer any solution to it, we don't use to chat on WhatsApp after saying hi and i reply, how was your day that's the end, I'm the only one that bring up issue to discuss everytime but now am tired of it, I've complained to her several times but she said she don't what to say, I've sent her some books to read but she didn't read any of them. I'm thinking of breaking up with her because i can't cope with her again and then i decide to give it a second thought that's why i put it here if there is any other tips i can use to build her up to my taste

Advise me please!

You don't have any problem. When you post any or some of the qualities you admire in her, then we can discuss if there's any reason why you should continue in the relationship or not.

How do you describe intelligence?

Check up the meaning of the word in Wikipedia to be sure that's what you're missing in her.

Everyone has an area of interest, when you hit the spot of interest, discussing in the language she flow with, then you come to the conclusion if she's intelligent or not.

If you're looking forward to wife with good spoken English, then encourage her to enroll in an English class.

Realdeals:
That is the attitude of 97% of married women, especially Christian marriages.

So short a comment, but very powerful and accurate. Many Christians are really suffering in silence due to ignorance and pride. So be ready to learn.

However, something tells me that no woman can resist a man who's funny, humourous, that takes life easy and at the same time serious minded, when it comes to getting ready for sex.

While every human being is unique and peculiar, certain things are common with either gender. So study these peculiar matters.

When you handle your spouse very well and you're sensitive and attentive, sex is the most common thing between them.

However, most of us don't understand this. We assume a lot, she's wicked, taking me for a ride etc.

Before skin for skin(if you know, you know), sex for women begins from the mind. Men should get that clear. The guy who knows how to start the mind games is a winner on bed any day.

Let's come down to the ABC of this issue, who's your wife? What does she talks about? Analyze it first and talk about it too, even if you don't have the means to solve the problem at first. Give assurance that you will solve the problem soon and mean it. Share it with her if it will take time to solve it.

Fund out her state of health. Ensure she's well.

Finally, learn how to pleasure a woman, it isn't a 100m race, but a marathon race.

When she sees that you care, she's the one that will offer you a good sex, and to your satisfaction.

Don't assume buying of gifts is the short cut to the paradise, don't ignore those points above.

Ladies are responders at best, not initiators, so men should initiate any changes they desire. That's what it means to be in charge.

If you do half of these things, be ready for the sex you've been craving for, when ladies start it, no stopping o! Truth is that you can't do it everyday, so you must learn other ways to satisfy her orgasm need apart from thrusting in and out all the time.

All the best. Read and study how to pleasure a lady, I mean your wife o. Me I don't believe in any other thing apart from husband and wife matter.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

I tried reading other comments before dropping mine, I do that sometimes to be sure I'm not too hard on posters.

The truth is that you got married without knowing it, apparently, the way you spoke sounded like someone railroaded into the traditional wedding you did.

It's very possible that what you had between yourself then was just lust and not love, and when pregnancy came the eyes of both of you became clear.

Now, don't judge your success in the marriage simply on the tension between the two of you now. You could've have enjoyed the relationship better if you know the Dynamics of marital relationship. This is what you must study, don't underate it's importance.

Like someone said here among the comments, even if you divorce this one, if you're still ignorant of this dynamics, the second one will fail too.

For now, let me tell you, every woman is beautiful, sexy, romantic, the job is in the hands of both of you. We all differ, but we all have our strength and weaknesses. A successful marriage is one who appreciates both in each other's and maximize the strengths and overlook the weaknesses.

The initiative for reconciliation and progress lies with the man, women are created to respond to the action of their men. So, clear your head, initiate the kind of marriage you want with that wife of yours and you'll see the response you're dreaming of.

It's never too late to reignite the flame of love and passion you once had before the pregnancy.

No woman is bad until the man gives up on working on the marriage.

No woman will take a side chic in your office and lie low. Forget those fine looking chics in your office, you'll be surprised to know that your wife is more beautiful if you give her attention and funding. Is your wife earning money or salary? Better ensure that angle first. Nobody is happy without a source of income.

midnighter:




There is NOTHING pedestrian about having a passion for young people and wanting to guide them, nothing!

The young people make the nation, dont you know that

If we had more people like him we wouldnt be in this mess we're facing right now.

Remember the purpose of his write up here. Convincing his parents to support his dreams! Definitely, it's not having passion for being around and teaching young people that I called pedestrian, surely not. If you're a parent, you'll surely want something more concrete than this as the reason for going into academics than nursing.

Hope I'm clear!

Macauley07:
Dear NL.
Recently, I was offered admission into a federal university to study psychology. I've always wanted to be a lecturer, so I opted for a course that wouldn't be much of a problem to me. My plan is to give in my best so as to come out excellent, go for my Masters abroad and venture into lecturing.

The problem here is: my parent doesn't buy the idea. They keep saying that landing a lecturing job is hard to come bye these days, that I might end up being disappointed. Moreover, a course such as psychology isn't one to expect any thing good from, especially here in Nigeria.

Now they are pleading I consider Nursing, according to them, I stand a higher chance of getting a job in a nursing profession to psychology. They are planning on sending me out of the country after the program. Should I just dash off my dream of becoming a lecturer to pursue nursing?

I love being around young people, and being in a university setting as a lecturer gives me that privilege to teach, mentor and guide them and at the same time work on my self. I think I'll find fulfilment as an academic. I'm confused, what would you advise me, if I were to be your brother?
Thanks

Quite frankly, many a parent are really old school. While they may want the best for you and your family, most of them are not trendy on the current job/career opportunities across the globe.

For all you know, nursing is just like petroleum engineering, narrow though high sounding.

The job of convincing your parents that you know what you're talking about is in your hands.

Psychology is so wide a terrain that with it, even as an academic, you can do much other things even as consultant. Go do your homework on what you can do with psychology and show it to your parents.

You also sound a bit pedestrian on your reason for choosing academics, apart from teaching and being around young people, what else are your dreams for those young people and your nation?

Romanoff:
Don't be too in a hurry to be with her. If you know each other as well as you claim or if she loves you as much as you've described, she must have very strong reasons for turning down your proposal.

Find out that or those reason(s), this will determine if you'll need to even propose the second time.

Follow this advice and close your case. As simple as that. Get to know her fears. She may be double dating for all you care, now in a dilemma of whom to choose.

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Like somebody said here, you married young, it has it's challenges. If you're particularly not well rooted in the dynamics of marriage before going in.

Having said that I felt you need to be calm in handling your job issue.

Definitely, his view about the correlation between working wives and submission is superstitious, it's not entirely true, though majority of the uninformed ladies fall into that trap of being independent of their husbands because they work.

Even when you earn more than your husband, you're not independent of him, money can't replace him. No matter your grievance with him, money won't solve the problem, rather, communication will.

Don't convince him about the sense in you being allowed to work by fighting, do so by the submission he's talking about. With only one baby, you have years ahead of you to still be able to work. While for now, try to help solve his insecurity attitude, keep reading about your career, try your hands on working from home online. Let me tell you something, that's where the future is. Explore that platform, you'll be shocked the explosive opportunities online.

By the time he'll realize it, you're earning so much right from your sitting room. You'll prove that by buying things for him and the house. He'll try to confirm where you're getting money from.

With your calmness and obedience, you'll break his insecurity palava.

He'll come down from his high horse soon if you understand this idea.

Women unconsciously transfer aggression to whoever is around them, even to babies irrespective of the baby's age. You may have began to do that to your daughter without knowing, that's the last thing he'll take from you.

Your baby is innocent, so leave her out of your pain. Women, many among them shout at their children in correcting them, even when there's no issue. Babies are full adults in small bodies, so respect them by communicating with them rather than shouting at them.

There's a place of spanking, but it won't be all the time. Be relaxed. Be there for your baby now that you're not working. Enjoy her presence. It won't be forever.

Finally, discuss with your husband, don't talk to him, they're two different things.

Assure him that he's safe with your liberty of working or doing anything outside of the house. He's scared of your beauty with other men around you, but it's all about insecurity. I'm suspecting you must be beautiful, men are always scared of other men around their beautiful wives.

You can do that with all the understanding I mentioned here. Take care of the breakfast for both of them, daughter and hubby while they set out for the day.

When they are gone, pray about your concern and hand it over to God, pray for your husband's insecurity issue and pray for your daughter.

You'll be able to do all that I suggested above easily if you're born again. No physical strength or aggression can do it. The Holy Spirit is a helper, He's ready to help you, just ask God to take over your life and He'll do so.

It's a new day for you my sister.

ElonEmpire:
I met this girl online, we happen to come from same LGA, We got talking and later became friends.

Months later she complained about having accommodation Issue. Now, me am hardly around because of the nature of my job so I felt is OK letting her go stay there at least to keep my apartment warm and clean.

Though this is not the first time am doing that,
For over 5 years now it has been people staying in my house because in a year I don't even sleep more than 2 months in my house.

The last person that stayed there was also a lady the few times I go home during her stay we are OK, more like brother and sister. In fact neighbors actually thought we were.

Now come this new girl I don't know her before, infact she has spent like 6 months in my house before I went back.

During those times she was catching feelings for
me weda she is serious about it or not I don't know but I told her point blank that I'm into a serious relationship and she should maintain her boundary when ever I come back.

Months later i travelled and see her in person..
To say that she is beautiful is understatement, she is definition of beauty. She is irresistable.

I have traveled couple of time after the first time and each of this time I try so hard to maintain my dignity, self respect and not to misbehave.
We sleep on same bed, though i have decide to be sleeping on the floor or another room. She changes in my presence.

I'm seriously going crazy right now about this girl..
Infact I see my self getting Jealous about the guy she is seeing recently.

I don't know how to hand the situation, I can't afford to misbehave because, 1st she call me brother.

2ndly considering the circumstance that brought her to my house I can't afford to misbehave because am this one person who don't like taking advantage of women.

And lastly I can't cheat on my girl.
But I can't ask her to leave because for now she have no where to go.

Please how do I handle the situation?!

If you're truly serious about maintaining your lane, simply ask her to invite her boyfriend over to meet you, and likewise your girlfriend to meet her. Why should you sleep on the same bed Oga?

Respect yourself o!

Nice one.

Camry 2013 model for sale at a very moderate price.

Check me up below.

Ifeelsad:


I've used this both tumeric, carrot oil, olive oil, hydrocortisone cream and tablet. I can't even count how many medicine and drugs I've used

I hope it isn't a demonic attempt from your village to get you rejected by men.

Try and see a dermatologist once again, while you see a female minister to pray with you.

If you're not born again, this is the time to do so.

blissbliss:
Hello, I’m glad you’re taking up the challenge. My advise isn’t going to be based on whether the money is much or not because as much as you get value for what you’re paying for, that’s ok.

3 months wouldn’t make you a great dev. It demands sacrifice and a lot of dedication. You sure would hit breakpoints but your resilience would take you forwards.

If you have access to internet, you can download materials; videos are faster, you get explanations and you get to practice alongside.

Do it for the passion and watch the money flow in for you.

All the best as you venture into this line.

Cheers!

You should be a lecturer on the campus. Nice advice there.

wwwkaycom:
Bose is an outgoing and sexually active young lady of 26, she got married to her hubby in November, 2018, they are now blessed with a big baby boy.

She was my student and very close to me and my family during her ND and HND days. She is just like a member of my family. I know that she was involved with two guys then, one a student in the same school during her ND and the other, a businessman in town during her HND days. Her affair with the businessman didn't materialise into marriage because the man wanted her to get pregnant first, a proposal she vehemently opposed because its like a taboo in her family and her religious organization.

That relationship broke and she met another guy who I didn't really know in 2017. She told me that the guy was easygoing and fun loving too so I didn't really had much advise to give other than the normal talks about being of good behaviour etc.

They got married in November 2018, she relocated to live with her hubby in Abuja, now they're blessed with a very big baby boy.

She visited me with her baby last weekend when she came to attend the funeral of her uncle here in Ondo State. She stayed in my place. It was then we really had time to talk. She told me that her husband believes so much in some archaic things that is affecting her badly.

For instance, he doesn't believe in the use of Air Conditioner because it is carcinogenic, he had sex with her last the day he realised she was pregnant in January. She said her hubby believed having sex with a pregnant woman will hurt the baby. She put to bed in August and since then nothing has happened because the hubby said no sex until breast feeding is over so that the breast milk will not be contaminated with semen.

I have been laughing since then but its not a laughing matter. She said this guy is so serious with these wrong facts and is not willing to let it go for anything and that she had engaged him in discussions over this many times with the guy sticking to his points. She said the guy is so caring and the way he dots on her and the baby is out of this world. He hired a nanny for her. the nanny followed her to Ondo State for the funeral and stayed with her in my place.

Honestly, I haven't heard this kind of thing before. I told her I'll post it on Nairaland and she said I should go ahead and that she will be interested in reading people's comments. I actually admonished her not to look the way of any other guy or be involved in extramarital affairs as that could lead to problems she won't be able to handle. She said that is almost impossible in the environment she lives in Abuja and the way her husband dots on the family. Good people, kindly advise please.

If you don't have a family doctor, get one, preferably a woman. Bring the doctor into the know of this achaic man's philosophy, and get the doctor to educate him. Such people respect professional like doctors. Meanwhile, use this period to discover other things about marriage, as well as the man and his interests, educate him in other areas of life in a humourous way.

He'll adjust, he's likely having a low libido problem too.

Queentee214:
Hi everyone,
Am really confused on what to do right now and I need advice.

I and my ex broke up six months ago...I broke up with him cuz we are always having misunderstandings...not just that..he can't control himself when angry , he always end up insulting me and calling me names but apologize when he is calm.

The last one that led to our break up was when we went to his friend's birthday party..on getting there,,i met an old time friend(a guy) and we talked for few mins .i went back inside where the party was holding and I met my bf angry already,,we end up quarreling there and he called me a prostitute in front of everyone(that wasn't the first time he would embarrass me in public)...

I was hurt and left there...i started ignoring him and the relationship wasn't going well anymore...i broke up with him afterwards ..i love him but I can't accept his flaws ..we tried to get back together but end up blaming each other for everything.

Six months later, I'm in a relationship with another guy..he has his flaws too but not bad...
Now the problem is I still love my ex and we still talk and chat almost everyday...

He is the first person I call when I need advice and vice versa..my ex family thinks we are still together and always call to check up on me....this is causing problems in my new relationship....

I decided to cut contact with my ex but he is isn't ready to let me go and neither am i..

Just last week my bf broke up with me and told me to call him when am ready to cut off contact with my ex...

Am really confused and I don't know how to do what he asked me...pls anyone with advice on how to forget someone should help me

I need to forget and move on from my ex
....pls advice... Thanks

Pls no one should come here and start telling me I met a good guy and toying with his feelings..

My ex is also a good guy, he just has his flaws...I just need advice...

Thanks

It's quite easy to advise if you are not in her shoes. Flaw is human, you'll find it in all human.

Why do you think many ladies and guys consult prophets or herbalist to decide on who to marry?

This is where genuine christians enjoy the benefit of superior wisdom and knowledge of the Holy Spirit.

If you're not one, well take your gamble with your ex. If you marry the new guy, bet it, you won't know when you'll start cheating with your ex.

Your emotions are still on the drive for him.

How do you stop his character flaws? He just had to grow up!

If you don't have a pastor whom you should introduce him to for pre-marital counselling, then ensure you get someone he respects and introduce your marriage plans to the person, with that he knows there's someone to report him to when he messes up.

Cut off from the new guy, ask him to take you to the person I spoke about now. He was denied firm home discipline, so he'll need it now.

Above all, get to know Jesus seriously, not just as a church goer, be born again, you'll know how to handle such cases. Genuinely born again, I mean.

blissbliss:
UnbiasTruth, thank you for all you do. I’m assuming you’re looking for a way forward.

My advice?
Once you get paid, you can transfer like 50% of your salary to his account and let him assume the role, say you want to go to the market, say ‘Darling, can you help us with some change, we’d be cooking’.
I believe you’re making the burden light on him as this ain’t best of times for him; being a man picking up his bills before now but due to circumstances he just can’t no more and that being temporary.

Give it a shot, it actually might work.

Thanks, God grant you a peaceful home. Amen

@blissbliss, I want to thank you for the candid opinion you gave here. I've read quite a number of them, yours sounds so pragmatic, how I wish the lady will try this option, if it fails, she can always stop. But I'm so sure something positive will show up in the husband's attitude.

Meanwhile, I was curious to know which area you are active in on nairaland. Amazingly, I saw you in technology, Auto section etc. You can be sure I'll be following you.

If you have property request, let me know o!

God bless the woman in question.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

You need grace here. For you to have lasted this long without breaking down is a miracle. You seem to know your husband very well except the irritation he's going through, common with anybody with low self-esteem, and sense of security. You even confirmed his introvert nature. Just remain calm, as hard as it may seem.

What's left for you to do is just pray for wisdom, but except you have the Holy Spirit, to wait for directive on going forward is tough if not impossible. Only your husband can come to his himself now, and you can't use pressure to achieve that, God's spirit alone can do that.

If you can pray, keep praying for him and keep thanking God for yourself, with this, you'll be under less pressure.

Ask God to have His way totally in your life, it may be an opportunity to get into God if you're not yet.

I wish you God's help in Jesus name.

By the way, I forgot to ask about your sex life. Even before things get into this mode, sex life of many couples are awkward. It may not have been in a healthy state, when an introvert husband now get into this trying moment, things get worse. Woman, as awesome as you've tried so far, be plain with me here. How's your sexual relationship. Who initiate it most of the time? The little I know about women and sex, particularly for the serious minded ones, anything that distrupts the home like in the case of job loss of the husband, not even their own, the first casualty may be sex with their husbands. For women, sex only make sense when all is normal at home. For men, sex is a means to reassure their wives that all is well, particularly the introvert husbands. So, check this angle out, and be sure, sex hasn't died he lost his job. There's nothing that irritates man than his wife saying, "Is it sex that is next with all these wahala on ground?" Having sex with your husband won't stop your breakthrough, it will even enhance it. You need to let him know that nothing has been lost, all will be well, and you'll see your husband come out anew.

Osobi32:
If this story is true then the solution is simple.... Get a young beautiful lady for ur self and make sure she Spends time at ur place everyday and watch the devil varnish from the picture. Don't ever try to sleep with another man's wife oooo, u will not like the consequences that comes with it. If u are a Christian pls read the book of proverb and u will understand better

May you not be tempted beyond your resistance.

It's easy dishing out advice when you're not in the shoe of the woman.

If you don't have the Holy Spirit and His strength,the advice above may sound good, use another woman or lady friend to chase her away, meanwhile, its not a long lasting solution.

If you're a believer, all you need do is tell the Lord your challenge and ask Gidvto bail you out. He'll give you the strategy to adopt or the woman will be scared off you by a spirit both she and you won't understand.

If you're not a believer, keep avoiding her, and the next sms you get from her, tell her that you've been deliberately avoiding her, and because you know she might be planning evil against you, you've decided to avoid bringing her husband into the drama, meanwhile, you've told your pastor the story, in case any evil happens to you, so that they'll know who to arrest.

Meanwhile, keep greeting her and avoid going in the same vehicle with her.

All the best.

coolguy4christ:
My girlfriend and I had issues sometime last year which eventually led to a break up. Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship.

When we started again, I told her I wanted a fresh start and that she should come out clean with me of whatever I need to know when we were apart. She knows how much I emphasize sincerity as I hate lies. She confided in me, that she had sex with a guy whom she dated briefly when we were apart but that she used protection. I believed her and didn't really bother myself because we were not together when it happened.

Few months later, I proposed to her and she accepted my marriage proposal. Since then, the relationship has been beautiful and we have become better as we were previously before the break up. We are actually planning our wedding in a few months.

Yesterday, she confessed to me that she had an abortion while we were apart. That she lied about using protection and that she got pregnant and aborted the baby.

Since then, I have mixed feelings for her:

Firstly, I am strongly against abortion and she knows that. Secondly, She lied to me!

The second reason is actually why I am more angry with her. She has lied to me previously and I don't know if I can believe and trust her again.

She has been very remorseful and she told me she came out clean because she wants to set everything right before we get married.

The issue here is that I don't know how can I trust her again?

If you're not satisfied with someone who told you before marriage, what else do you need? Walk away and go marry the one you can trust.

She knows you can easily walk away at this point in time, and she told you.

Grow up or Go your way.

FrLukas:
You are taking each other for granted.

Before the next quarrel, sit down and discuss the modality for settling quarrels in your home that both of you will agree to.

Best of the advices.
She may have upbringing issues in resolving disagreement, you need to go on a date, dinner to discuss it.
For her to still be demanding sex for whatever reason, you're lucky though not the best of tactics.
How do you make love too? You can discuss this your pain while the act is ongoing!
Her response to the issues during the act will confirm whether she's just taking advantage of every man's weakness to a woman's nude body or she really loves despite quarrels.
Most women can't make love with you without loving you except sex workers.

donbachi:
U and ur mother no serious...pikin no go school wahala,pikin try go,him go late...some people prayed to study pharmacy like u are doing today,after writing jamb for 5years,but ended up studying agric economics.what is 7years...do u even know d number of youths praying for such?..abeg make I hear words...2moro na ur mama go dance pass u wey go d school..she will be going around telling people "my daughter is a pharmacist" both who ask her and who no ask her...may GOD see u thru in Jesus name and graduate in flying colours.

You need an informed mindset to be able to handle the unnecessary comparison your mum is doing. Very unwise and an ignorant way to handle a child.

For you, just calm down each time she goes into the comparison business again. Gently explain why you appreciate their efforts in raising you and your siblings if you have any, and that these pressure on them will soon be over.

Another wise step you should take is to look for a side biz you can engage in during this period of your schooling, this will bring relief to some extent for your parents. Don't get carried away by pressure from runs ladies. Regrets awaits such people.