₦airaland Forum

amechispeaks:
Being Disciplined Vs Being Passionate: Which Is More Important For Achieving Your Goals?

We are all trying to achieve something in life, and we all know being successful isn't easy.

It can require a combination of both discipline and passion. But in my opinion, I'd say discipline is more important to achieving set goals.

Discipline will take you where passion cannot.

I have been passionate about many things, but wasn't disciplined enough to follow through, hence I didn't succeed in them.

On the other hand, there were set goals I wasn't even passionate about, but I achieved them because I was disciplined enough to follow through to the end.

For example, I have always been passionate about writing fictional books, but for many years I had so many book ideas that never saw the light of day. This was because I wasn't disciplined enough to put in the hours required to write them. I was also too busy writing for my clients (but that's not an excuse for not writing my own personal projects).

It wasn't until 2020 that I decided that no matter the workload I have from my clients and no matter how tired I was from working, that I would still make out the time to write my own book. And in less than a month, I had finished my book which I released in October 2020.

That's my take on discipline and passion as far as achieving set goals is concerned.

What's yours? And do you have similar stories to share?

You need both. One without the other won't bring you success.

One is your accelerator pedal(PASSION), the other is your break pedal(DISCIPLINE)

Imagine not having break in your car, thats the situation without DISCIPLINE, likewise having a car without accelerator, you go nowhere!

derecho:
Nigerians can't wait to forget Buhari.He was a bad dream.
If not for Nairaland, I don't even know Buhari is still alive.

No be you say the man na Sudan Jubril before?

IDERAWOLE:
You got it.

They should both come to Onitsha and see wonders. Dubai and China is a child play when you see Enugu and Owerri. What's Lagos!

Do these IPOB GUYS realize that this statement is a sacarstic one?

Abi1985:
Since the time I was born, I have never seen a pastor carry gun and force person to give offerings or tithe.

So why are churches getting bad rep? No be by force to give, if you do not want to give, then do not give. After all, na your own money, so it is up to you to give or not to give. If you feel pressure or you are reluctant to give, please do not give at all.

If they talk sow a seed of 10,0000 naira or 50 naira, and you do not have or you do not want to give, do not stress yourself at all. Give what you can give easily and cheerful and if you do not want to, then don't.

Pastor can use words to persuade someone to give. At the end of the day, it is up to individuals to decide to give or not. So leave the Pastors and let them be.

If Pastor fly private jet, well good for him. If he use body guards, good for him. The body guards are getting paid and the private jet is not free.

It shows you're not a regular attendee of church meetings.

By the time the embarrassment of not joining the bandwagon of givers long enough, you'll look for another to go to.

Ibechris2:
U have a nice uncle.

But we may not know the full story here but it's indeed painful to hear stories like this.

I wonder how some women prioritise affairs over their children's future.

But if u are close to 25 of age I don't expect u to be in that house.

Our friend should tell us his age.

Mino1000:
Hi everyone, so I met this beautiful babe June this year and we started dating three months later. We genuinely loved each other and we had a relationship that people envied.

We trusted each other so much that I had access to her google account and all her personal info on my laptop, while she also had mine on her phone to cut the long story short, I have a problem of always getting worried whenever she is not home and I can't reach her for example if she leaves in a bolt and the journey is 30minutes but she is not reachable one hour later I start to worry and call people I feel are at home and even the bolt rider.

On this particular day, she had a meeting with her colleagues which just came into the country, she shared her live location but it was last updated an hour ago, she was not picking her calls and it was 11:45pm mind you she was in Ikeja and lives at lekki so she was still going to Lekki that night in this dangerous December month in Lagos. I called and called but she did not pick then I got so worried and went to her google contacts to get her boss number and called him. He told her I called and that is how trouble started.

She explained that nobody has his number and she is the middle man between him and clients so his number getting into my hands without her permission means his company info is not safe. She said I have destroyed all what she labored to build over the years and blocked me everywhere (phone, whatsapp, snapchat) and left me with only instagram access. I have been begging her since last night when this happened, but she only unblocked me to tell me not to call her again and blocked me back.

I have been trying to explain to her that relationship and marriage is full of challenges so she should not let this one destroy what we had but she has been ignoring me. If I call with a different number she hangs up immediately she hears my voice.

We were already talking about marriage and in fact, I had already started making arrangements for a proposal next year.

I swear I really love this lady with everything that I have and I know for a fact that she loved me too but right now I am confused I am wondering how she was so much in love with me yesterday morning but doesn’t even want to hear my voice today. She went as far as threatening to get me arrested if I come close to her house. I am really confused and need mature advice on what to do to save this relationship because right now I can’t focus on anything. Plus I trust her so I wasn’t calling because I thought she was doing something silly.

My brother, you need help and fast for that matter.

I had wanted to call you names, but I've restrained myself from doing so.

Love can be very dramatic sometimes so your funny behaviour is understandable. You may have gotten so carried away with the affection for this lady and it does happen.

However, let's talk straight here. This incident is a sign that God loves you, your mother dead or alive hasn't left you alone. This is not just a red flag, this is a rainbow flag for you to reset your brain sir.

Let's take it that she's so annoyed that you had to call her boss in that scenario, what's the reason she gave you or can give you for not picking your calls?

Please, let me even stop here. That lady has no single atom of respect for you and if you go ahead to marry her assuming she calms down, you'll be a foot mat for that lady.

You need the Frank talk like this one from many others that I've read tonight to come to your senses.

What you have for this lady is not love, it's either you're a gold digger or something has happened to your brain.

Which job is she having that you can't call her boss. This is a clear tale that whatever job they're doing in that setup is nothing legal. Watch out, you'll soon cry if you don't check your brain tonight and do something tangible with your life.

You can just ignore this comment if you like.

Bayonet40:
Saw this on a facebook page and decided to share here, what's your take?

Hmmm "Okafor's Law" I guess........




https://www.facebook.com/100077444346401/posts/200791155845695/?app=fbl

Since you're not the lady in question, let's talk for the sake of others.

Two wrongs will never a right! Remove religion or spirituality aside, the lady in question is ignorantly going to carry a burden for life. For now, let her be making shakara.

While there might not be a bastard child, there's is bastard mother.

If she can go the extent of looking for the lady so that she can apologize to her, why not wait for answer to the prayers offered? That's the problem of praying to a God you don't know, or a prayer merchant praying for you.

If the God they prayed is understood by the lady that He can be her father if He's not yet, then she won't take laws into her hands to injure her heart.

The bottom line is that, the knowledge of God makes all the difference in circumstance no matter how bad it may be.

MP3GAGAdotCOM:

See hatred in action!

Tokskob2008:
While peace of mind is very important so is reading and writing too, there are adult classes everywhere now so there shouldn't be excuse as to why the person can't read and write.

Let me respond to this, it resonates with my view. You can help a wife who's not learned to read and write but I doubt if there's any help for one that can't guarantee peace of mind for the husband. Lack of peace from a woman is all about upbringing, some twenty or more years ago. You can't teach that any longer, it's too late. For knowledge? You can learn that at age 70 or even older. Whatever makes a woman gives you a peaceful life is internal and huge, same with the one that is a trouble shooter, huge and internal too. Both can't be unlearned. Only God's spirit can help the latter. So make your choice.

wasuka14:
My wife Twins sister moved to our apartment of a room and parlour self-contain with her 4 kids after the demise of her husband without notice to me.

Honestly, I really need urgent advise as I can't have access to my apartment or to my wife again. As her twin sister moved in to my small apartment with her 4 kids and loads of clothes and some other luggages. Therefore, no single space left in my parlour to sit or leave again.
Am mentally stress with what am passing through now. For 2 weeks now, I can't sleep in a small house am managing with my wife and our 4 kids too. The issue at hand is not even about apartment alone but also of feeding.
Now, before now, my wife used to manage 2500 to feed all of us for breakfast alone. But now, she barely manage 6000 every morning.
Thereby, increase daily expenses on food to like 14-16k daily depends on my pocket.
And the funny thing is that,both the sisters are not working so as to at least support with something.
For now, am managing to pass night in my shop, but twice in a day they will send my first child to my shop to fetch money for food. Am really tire. I am just a bloody welder.
I don't know how to take care of these migrants going forward.
My wife can't drive away her twins sister by herself, am also too timid to drive them because of human feeling in me. Pls what do I do. I really need help and serious advise from fellow Nigerian and non- Nigerian

You're sounding like someone not qualified to go into marriage.

How did you marry your wife? Somebody spoke to her on your behalf? If it is you, speak the same way you spoke to her when you're about proposing to her, lovingly ask her whether she wants you to die before your time.

You're shy to talk now, you won't be shy when you're totally down.

Who gave birth to your wife and the twin sister? And the two of them are not planning to work?

Keep spending 15k daily to feed lazy sisters, you'll soon wise up.

You don't need any advice! Maybe you're enjoying both sisters sha!

I would be a liar if I say it has not been daunting and I do not miss you. However, I have since come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served ! This is my new reality!

Dear Wife, Enjoy your own reality that you created for yourself and stay blessed...

This last comment of yours caught my attention and convinced me that you're both hurting but still love each other. For me there's no doubt that your wife brought all of these upon you and herself, even though you too will have your own faults too!

If either or both of you can get a good counsellor, you can restore this marriage, not just for the sake of your chikdren, but for both of you!

I'm so sure both of you will appreciate each other better now than before.

Marriage is relationship between two people who decided to love each other, but also understood that offence cannot but be part of the menu and are ready to forgive each other in advance before they're committed.

Your respective families shouldn't take a centre stage in the relationship, most of the time they end up destroying the marriage, if the spouses aren't matured enough.

Meteoritey:
Due to work, my husband and I live in states, and my husband lives in Canada. 3 months ago we had some serious skirmishes during our phone conversation and in the heat of the argument, I told him that he does not appreciate the fact that I am raising the kids and doing everything alone.

To my disappointment, he told me that he is overworked more than me. This really angered me. This got me angry and I hung up. Although He tried to reach me for 4 days, and also sent me some messages, I cut him off without replying, about 9 weeks later, I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 3 months now we have not spoken to each other.

Recently my brother had a baby, and he only called once to congratulate them. Moreover my younger sister got admission to a university to study the same course that my husband studied, so naturally, my sister contacted him. My sister said he advised her on what to do and what she should expect. This was about 2 months ago. I personally did not inform him about my sister’s admission myself.

After about one month, my sister also called him for more information, but he has not been picking my sister’s call.

My sisters fiancee also called him to inform him about their upcoming marriage (my same sister that got the admission) he only spoke with my sister and her fiancee once, he stopped further communication with them on both issues of admission and marriage, and that he only spoke with them the first time about the admission and the marriage out of the respect he has for them.

He gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefore he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her.

What are you thoughts and opinion please.

Little or nothing to add to most of what have been said.

I just want to advise you to move fast, your reconciliation process may be too late by the time you know it.

Look for someone whom your hubby respect very well and ask the person to intervene. Of course you must be sober by now of your attitude, which is nothing but foolery.

If you're still interested in that marriage, move fast and with prayers too.

Henrymas:
Any Idiot that is campaigning for EMILOKAN is a retard and definitely suffers symptoms of bipolar.
Despite how APC has weaponised poverty to deal a heavy blow on the masses of this country and made their lives unbearable, some satanic elements whose god is their belly and greed their compass are gearing up to campaign for the criminal and drug lord to wreak more havoc. What a shame!!!

You're right brother, 1 million APC members decamped in Lagos state for PDP!

SATANICALLY:
https://www.thisdaylive.com/index.php/2022/09/26/4000-apc-members-join-pdp-in-kwara/

Wow! The train is moving!

5555 APC members decamp in ABIA STATE for PDP. More are still coming.

Corridon:
Tinubu and Sanwo olu failed.

You got it.

They should both come to Onitsha and see wonders. Dubai and China is a child play when you see Enugu and Owerri. What's Lagos!

festacman:
Beautiful sight seeing these beautiful Nigerian ladies mourning Queen Elizabeth II in spectacular Aso Ebi.

The truth is knowing the truth of British colonialism doesn't set anybody free. It is what you do with truth that sets you free. What Uju Anya said is not anything new. The historical fact has always been there and recognized. The earlier every Blackman knows that the Whiteman can't love him like his mother, the better for the Blackman's mentality to fight for himself. The sooner the Blackman realises that crying about injustices (which also happen even within the his own society) or playing the victim will not make the Whiteman slow down in racial RAT RACE, the better for the Blackman to puts his house in order.

Uju Anya twitted her message of hatred against the oppressor while in the oppressor's country and hailed by some Nigerians and Africans who live in oppressor's country and live off his economy as immigrants or are making frantic effort to leave his own country to the country of the oppressor. Africa with country that bask in xenophobia to protect its interest is not any less than an oppressor. Africa with country in which certain ethnic groups views others with extreme derogation is a boiling pot of anti-progress energies.

Several years after that Nigeria/Biafran war, the British authorities can't be held responsible for the poor performance of the Governors of South Eastern States. There is nothing stopping South East from still being another Japan if its State Governors would invest instead looting. Believe me, if South East States were developed infrastructurally with industries, well-supervised schools, well-planned towns, etc, countries of the world will respect the region while other regions in Nigeria would have driven by envy to also perform to catch up.

Your own brother took a large of the common patrimony and hid it in the oppressor's country but instead of seizing it, the oppressor returned the money and insisted you spend on something that would improve your economy for the fear that another brother would steal the money again. So much for Blackman's activism against Whiteman's oppression. Fix your leaky house and watch your neighbour respect you more.

You just nailed it, nothing more to be said.

Zee0007:
He doesn't hate him, probably the guy is seeing some behaviours about the boy that you easily condole. As a man, he knows if your boy persist with such behaviour, he will be doom.

I think you should sit down with him and discuss what is the rationale behind his act towards the boy. A simple communication with him will clarify most of your assumptions.

It is interesting to read some people's comment about issues here.

If you're looking for a serious advice, this is one here. You don't need any other thing!

First, how old is your son? Do you see anything worrisome about yoir son? Most of us parents will keep indulging our children up until they become wahala in our hands.

Simple, sit down with him and find out what the issue is with him and your son.

I pray you'll be frank enough with your son and this man's view!

jumper524:
I'm sure this were the same fellas yelling at apc chieftain that he failed.
Mumu failures.
They don't care how it's done, the want it done.

Funny! Are these lawyers?

These are the guys who are calling for a new hand in gov't, the OBIdients as they call themselves!

I laugh in French!

Vikkoh:
What other advice do you want Bros?

She was pregnant and was still collecting from her EX?
That's the height of it my brother.

You can't cope with someone like that and if you decide to manage the situation hoping she'd change, kindly write down your will and carefully allocate your properties to your Child/Children cos she'll lead you to your grave in years to come.

Dump her sorry a$$ and take care of your children the best way you can.
Forget what the society would say. Your life and sanity matters and you shouldn't joke with that.

Meanwhile, don't listen to the Righteousness guy.
Him go start to dey explain how your story is a sign of end time .

I almost called you a name that would've made you sad for a long time.

You're simply not a man. That lady must have paid the dowry herself to cover your shame.

With all the signals you saw, before marrying her, you're still crying all over the place.

That girl even try to still stay with you.

You're something else.

BewareOf419:
Christians are not desperate like our brothers in second religion. If you like take Jesus name eat Chicken that won't move Christians to kill. Christians don't believe in blasphemy

Thank you for your response.

The comment before yours now want another round of abuse to start again between the adherents of the two ways of relating with God!

Most Christians don't even know the Jesus they want to defend or fight for!

Most of the time we're the ones making these people think they're important.

Remember the day Apostle Peter cut somebody's ear off? Jesus said there's no need for that!

When you read the bible as a Christian, you'll realize where your power lies and you don't need all these contentions.

Litmus:
This sort of thinking is pure African.

Even setting aside patriotism, which is important and rewards loyal fans and children's hopes, Winners don't need bonuses with the amount of money involved in today's commercialisation of sports. People will always remember Ajunwa for winning gold medal. Even today she could make money given the right agent. Wouldn't take much effort to get her on sports shows, radio, autobiographical work, endorsements, seek her opinions etc. Who remembers many of our past sportsmen and women who sulkingly wasted their great talents because one Nigeria sports authority or another forgot to buy the right uniform, got them poor hotel, short-changed allowances and so on.

Thank you for this perspective on the loose-loose approach to things in Nigeria.

Nigerian officials may be a rudderless bunch, every opportunity to be on the field for the nation is the time to sell yourself.

Today's selection of super falcons was below the standard they've put up after their bismal opening game.

tony0806:
*MODIFIED*

2,000,000 monthly

As at 2019, Nigeria had about 11,877 professors (though this include both those on private and public higher institutions).

That means; monthly, the government will pay 2,000,000 x 11,877 = 23,754,000,000. That's over twenty three billion naira monthly.

As at today, Nigeria produces about 1.2m BPD of crude oil (Our main source of income, excluding mineral resources from the north which I don't know why they don't mention it. Only God knows where that money is going to). Using the official exchange rate of about 414 naira/dollar,
If 1 barrel is about 93 dollars, this becomes 1,200,000 x 93$ = 111,600,000 per day



that's a total income of 111,600,000 x 414 = 46,202,400,000 (Nigeria's income from crude oil).

THEN; 46,202,400,000 x 30 days = 1,386,072,000,000. This is over 1.3 Trillion naira monthly.

Boy o boy, This country is making money.

SUMMARILY, THE GOVERNMENT CAN PAY ASUU COMFORTABLY.

Go ahead and calculate the overhead cost for the civil servants in the federation as well.

Serious Nations spend just 40% of their income on recurrent expenditure. So let's know what you think FG should spend on capital expenditure.

nnamdi640:
You might end up as a teacher. Just avoid anything that will make you become a teacher in this country.

I'm compelled to respond to this statement because this is the thinking of most Nigerians, students and their parents inclusive.

What an error to think you'll end up as a teacher? Even as a teacher what's bad in being a teacher as long as you're not a liability to yourself or the economy.

The days are gone forever whereby you study because you'll be looking for job to earn salary, and you think that's the end of the world for you.

Life really begins after your graduation from the tertiary institution or whatever level of education you have. So, don't just aim to collect a certificate and be called a graduate!

Nobody is after whatever certificate you're holding. It's ordinary paper if there's no solution to the world's problems in your head.

Any of these listed courses can take you to any level in life. It is a question of what difference do you want to make in life.

Do you know how to become wealthy and successful in life? Provide solution to huge numbers of people from where you're to the rest of the world.

Let me stop by saying that if all you know and care about is where to collect a huge salary in this life, you'll surely become a liability before you leave this world.

This is not to say working in an organization to earn salary is bad, think of being an employer yourself, even if the only person you'll employ is yourself.

Have you not heard of bank managers always asking for salary advance even though their salary is about #4m monthly?

So, it's not just about the size of your salary, but the size of your brain!

hungkee:
Peter Tsunami Obi 2023

Na true!

DSC7:
But is it right to have a church inside an Hotel as a Genuine Man of GOD?..

For the purpose of discussion, let's enlighten you as you requested.

What you called house of God isn't a building built with human hands, it is the human bodies that God inhabits if you're saved already. Without salvation, there's little to anyone's religion as far as God is concerned.

So, between a place of worship and the worshippers, which sanctifies the other?

It is not the place you meet that makes you holy, it is you who meet in a place that makes the place the holy.

So, if meet to worship God or for any purpose, either in a hotel on in the moon, it is the people that attracts God's presence and not the building.

Anything apart from this is business as usual!

Maverick777:
How many things are you even saying oga?
only you said he shouldn't complain
only said report the wife
only you said discuss with her
did anyone force you to comment?

it's obvious you're bereft of ideas, let's all learn to be empathetic in our posts and advise to people here..

Men are not robots ok!

Thank you sir.

Emphathy is different from sympathy.

I didn't know he's looking for sympathy.

You the chief counselor why not go ahead with your own counsel?

evangmx:
I just lost my job like 2 months ago. I use my car to do can work. My wife works as well. And we have 2 children.

I want you to tell me the truth am I doing bad or good?

I pay all the bills at home, I still give out 15k every week for food.

But my wife still complain. I don't know what she use her salary to do. All I know is that she use to wear new cloth every Sunday and new shoes. And buys cloth for the children once in a while.

Pls tell me if am doing bad.

The fault is yours.

As a husband, you're the one responsible for the family. Chikena. You may not like this statement.

It's your responsibility to plan how to take care of your home. Your wife is your helper. The person wey dey help person carry him load, no be the owner of the load.

Meanwhile, not all wives are helpers because they're not told that they are by whoever, parents or priests in church.

You may think I'm supporting irresponsible wives, no! If a wife is a helper and your own isn't helping you, keep doing your duty as husband and report the matter to the person the instituted marriage. He will soon bring sense into the brain of the woman you call your wife.

However, many will call my advice old school.

You're not compelled to do more than your capacity for your home except you want to steal.

Sit down with her and tell her what you can afford to do for her and the children. If she's not satisfied, show her the door.

PavillionEnergy:
The heading sounds funny and I trust Nairalanders to take a swipe at me. But this has been disturbing me and I want you guys to help me look into this matter.

In 2021, I came across a young lady. She is beautiful and she has the right curves in appropriate dimensions. I liked her instantly. We exchanged contacts and we started talking.

I was very busy with work and we spoke like twice in a week though I used to see her briefly whenever she visits my Uncle's shop.

I later noticed this girl usually hangs out with a lot of guys. All these boys who wear stockings, carry cross-bags, lock their hairs and wear 'oroma' earpods.
She is constantly on TikTok and all my 'crush' for her has disappeared.

In April this year, I received a call from her and she told me she went to Abuja for a programme. She said she was stranded and needed some funds to sort out something.

I wired her the money and I relocated from the town in May. I waited till June and she never called to dicsuss the money.
I started calling her two weeks ago and she wouldn't pick my calls. After series of unanswered calls, she picked and told me to send my account details.

She did not send the money and has not returned my calls since then.

How do I get the money back?

You'll soon overtake to Alibaba in comedy.

Vahat:
We got married two years ago. My challenge is that my partner has a higher sexual drive and love sex so much.

Ever since we do make love,she has never for once be the one to say she is satisfied and that I should stop despite that most time it takes me between 10 to 25 minutes atimes to cum. The highest I can recall that i stayed long was 32minutes before I cum, yet in all these it looks to her as if I have not started the work and she feel disappointed anytime I cum because from her body language;she demands more and can withstand even up to one and half hours to 2hours before she can be satisfied and I can't go such.

I tried all I can but honestly I don't feel like a man for not even for once tell me or appreciate me on bed by telling me 'thank you, please cum na, your have stayed long,I am satisfied etc but will always rather willing to consume more and more despite that she needs sex most time and I responds to her demand. Even when I am tired and sweating profusely I keep on just to please her and I am getting fed up over this. I have never taken sex enhancement drug and will never take such.

I don't want to complain to her about. her insatiable sexual drive and how stressful it is riding on me to avoid her hiding her sexual feelings to me or taken it as insult or hurt her feelings and at the same time the fear of her looking for satisfaction from elsewhere. Please advise on how to handle this challenge.

Your wife falls into the minority 5% of the women that have high sex drive. Most are opposite of your wife. They may love sex, but won't ask for it.

Your story smells of ignorance on your part as per what satisfies a woman sexually. She wants stimulation but you don't achieve that by thrusting or what you call penetration alone. If you do the needful, it's your wife that'll say it's enough.

pre-intimacy is what will meet your wife's need and you need to learn how to do that correctly. If you're both friends of each other you may ask what she wants you to do to her for pleasure.

If you're not friends, you'll need to find out from her yourself.

The amount of time you need for penetration that won't kill you is not more than 10mins. The pre-intimacy can be as long as 1hr.
You may even give her orgasm 2 to 3times before you penetrate, with that she'll be ok.

Let me hear your response to this.

Creamypie:
We deltans will be obedient. Okowa is a propagandist governor, who only works on media. And his media execution of youth empowerment programe. What of his billion dollar Asaba drainage? Useless governor

Atiku knows what he's doing! You can see the reason why Atiku choose him.

As hard as Woke may be when it comes to interpersonal relationships, he's not a deceiver!

Wike is too blunt to be Atiku's vice president.

Atiku knows that Wike can slap him if he messes up in that office. Wike wants to touch the lives of Nigerians and not a looter of an Atiku.

Wike will work for Jagaban in 2023, even though he remains in PDP.

Arkhanmu:
I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago. During those period we were dating, we were very much apart due to distance. She stayed in Kaduna while I worked in Lagos.

During few times of my personal meeting before our wedding, I noticed huge communication between her and this man. I called her attention to it but she just waived it aside saying they are just friends as Ex (stuff). She joined me up in Lagos after the marriage but the communication between them still continued.

This is a woman I have sacrificed so much for in my life by providing her basics need with the children even though not huge like that. She told me the Ex is a Doctor and they have nice experience together while dating back then. I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop. Instead she secretly calls and requests money from this guy in almost different occasions.

At a point in time in the past when she went to Kaduna to get her transfer from work place to Lagos, she still visit the guy even as she is heavily pregnant that time. I was able to get the idea through her bank account statement when the same guy send her money for what business I don't understand. It is almost 2 years of our marriage now, I am starting to regret why I marry her initially even as I noticed much difference between us; she is from Southern Kaduna while am from Ibadan.

I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand. Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife. I am really pained though I have not confront her. See guys, I have 2 boys, twin, I take care of them, buy food and all.

Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me. I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self. Many things are just running through my mind.

The only language she will understand is divorce papers.

Don't come here with any complain again. Most likely she's still sleeping with that guy.

You're not even sure who owns the twins she had for you and most likely the current pregnancy isn't yours.

Use your head brother.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Hmmmm!

I can feel your pains madam! It's quite challenging to be a male or female single parent. Parenting is a job meant for two people, mother and father.

Painfully, you lost your husband 10yrs ago, and you decided to nurture tboth of them to adults. Kudos to you ma.

It's not a tea party to go the route you took, but your rewards are on the way.

Now, listen to me.

This generation isn't the same as yours, so they will never think like yours. When you're aware of this and ready to believe it, your troubles are half reduced.

Next is that you didn't have your fingers on the fundamental principle of parenting, many of us don't have it. We do parenting like our parents did it, and that's why we seem to be failing. You need to calm down ma.

There's a way to relate with your child according to their age range.

Ages 0-5years You should handle them with the iron hand of a parent, most of us miss it here. We believe they're babies who don't know anything and we condone their excesses, and this is the best time to clip their wings. The wings are still soft but we mostly loose the chance here. You've gone past that stage with the two boys. Meanwhile, keep following me.

Ages 6-12years, you're supposed to be the commander in the garrison. You roll out the rules of the barrack and they don't have a choice but to follow. You can even flog them to line here.

Ages 13 - 20years, you're a friend to your teenagers here. No shouting, no threatening. But this is what you're trying to do. So calm down, call them for family conference and explain your pains to them. It is not an overnight business o! This will take time, but if you're consistent and truly relate with them like a friend, you'll succeed. Do you also know that they missed a father figure over their lives? You're trying to play that role, but it's not the same thing. Empathize with them on this loss of a father.

From 21 upwards, you're just a mentor. Your advice will be sought when they need it. If you miss the mentioned stages above, you might be unprepared for the mentorship role in their twenties upwards.

Now, call for that conference and stop assuming anything. Be real, they'll be real with you. If you're humble in doing this, those two guys will cry before your presence for hurting you ma.

Above all, call on God all the time for His help in enjoying this stage. If you do it quickly, they might settle down, and Then you may be having a suitor coming your way for a new life.

No serious man will want to marry you with your tensed life now. Calm down with the boys, and your new fiancee may play that fatherly role in their lives.

Wish you all the best sister.