₦airaland Forum

Declare a pay cut of 25%. Tell them that due to the COVID period, your salary was cut by 25%.

You cannot continue like this. Your family is supposed to wish you well and not see you go down. They just want to feast on the little money you have.

Act fast.

ceejayluv:
Walking away in that scenario is not a solution to battery of maids and junior relatives by the women. I would personally call the cops on my woman if I ever see any outrageous battery of minors in my house.

Walking away doesn't mean turning a blind eye or ignoring. It just means that he doesn't beat her. He could throw her out of his house, etc.

Enchantaurl:
I'm in support of him beating her back. He was only protecting a minor that couldn't protect herself.

Some women think it's okay to bully those they feel are weaker than them but when such is dished to them they start forming victim. This lady in particular the beating fit her.

That makes him no better than her.

pocohantas:
The girlfriend should also be concerned about the lesson she is passing to the niece. A lot of kids suffer psychological traumas due to abuse.

You are right about doing it in the presence of a child. I still think he was wrong to have hospitalized her with beatings before his niece.

In fact, both of them passed the wrong lesson to her. The babe couldn't even help herself and try to be a mentor or role model to the girl.

And yes, it affects kids psychologically. I became a violence detector when it was time for me to date. I couldn't just condone or stand beating of any sort.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Only a weak man beats a woman is just a manipulative statement from the ladies to make some certain men feel guilty.

The beating he gave her was only for her to feel the same pain she made the little girl go tru.

My response to this thread would ve been different if he had used wife.

Then I will ask him to withdraw the maid,this is take her back to her parents,and let his wife alone do all the house choirs to teach her a lesson.

But in this case,she is just a mere girlfriend feeling like madam of the house.

Mitchewww

She deserves more beatings.

It is not a manipulative statement. It takes more strength to resist that urge to use violence. It is much more easier to beat when you are consumed with anger and strong emotions than to walk away.

There's nothing manipulative about this statement.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Did you read where he said he did talk to her Initially concerning the way she maltreats the little girl?.

I repeat,if any woman does not see anything wrong in maltreating house maids,beating them as if they are nobody,then there shouldn't be anything wrong if a man use that same beatings to put her in her place.

I guess you know that after the beatings she got from the guy,she can't repeat such nonsense towards that little girl again except she still want the same beatings?

Only foolish and weak men sits and watch their wife's maltreat their maids and refuse to act.

After the beating, he ended the relationship. So why didn't he just end the relationship? Why did he even wait till she beat his niece. He watched her maltreat her and waited for her to be beaten before taking action.

I don't subscribe to the beatings. They could have been avoided.

Acting doesn't mean beating. Only a weak man beats a woman. And only a wicked woman maltreat and beats people. Both of then are equally wrong

JONNYSPUTE:
...And why did she beat the small girl?

Is she also not a human being/ female?

Why can't she just walk away or better still do the choirs herself?

And what did she also achieve by beating the 14 yrs old girl ?

It takes great strength to avoid beating. That means he is the same as she. Now both of them are wrong.

Op I believe there are other ways to handle the situation rather than beating.

I can't understand how men beat their women and even brag about it. Shouldn't he be ashamed for being so weak?

It's good you know the kind of person you have been playing wife with. Since your niece is a major part of your life, you need a more reasonable woman.

sylve11:
I been think sey na until you don marry before she supposed live with you.... Abi nor be so e supposed be?





It's good. Your family first. When you're in trouble that's when you come to value your own family. Wife fit run, husband fit run but your family will have your back. I am not saying you shouldn't build your own family so you can rely on your wife or husband o.

In this case, If what you're saying is the truth, then this your wife to be is just being wicked.




I have this habit of strolling away from toxic relationships. I keep on warning you till I stroll away. I don't beat women, I walk away and never return. I'm a quiet and happy person, I don't need anything to spoil my mood. How many years person wan live on earth to go woman stress?

But trust me, there are marriages made in heaven. If you see that person you go know if you're not carried away by looks on either party.

Next time, careful, tell her to leave your house instead of you beating her. What if she dies in the process of you beating her?

Your comments make plenty sense.

Family is important. And a woman who cannot show love to them should not be considered.

However, I also do not subscribe to beating. We women could have very sharp tongues and a tendency to provoke. But a men should know that there is greater strength in walking away than succumbing to beating.

Plus what lesson is he passing to his young niece; seeing him beating a woman. Growing up, I saw that happen and it affected me so much that I feared dating for fear of being beaten.

Thank God I was able to sniff through my potential toasters and suitors to make sure they were not prone to touching women violently.

Better to speak up before it eats one up gradually

tammie24:
The guy is a Criminal
Breaking into someone's house

But how do you leave young children in the house alone and travel

Thank God he only raped the little girl

What if he had killed her?

That was my first concern. She left the children at home without a trusted adult supervision. Too bad of her.

samwash:
@Op, I can say banking job is not a total waste of time .
It was a waste of time to you becox it was not your career path. Like a graduate of accounting,banking & finance etc can never be a waste of time & resources to them.
It's good you realize it on time, I pray to God for total career recovery for you.
No knowledge is wasted .
Bros @40, time nor dey again
If you have enough capital, just go into business or trade., At this time you wouldn't want to settle for a graduate trainee job in your own carrier job.

Except you are working in the finance department with an accounting degree, if not, it has the tendency to make you static. Someone said studying banking is a scam because you don't need to study banking and finance to understand banking and work there.

You can see a French graduate, Yoruba Literature grad working in a bank after undergoing training.

But anyway, the thing about working in the bank is that you are almost useless when you want to change industries. You only have skills that you can use in the bank except you specialize like working in HR, Finance department, etc. That is why most bankers move from bank to bank because their skills are limited.

ThiagoKid:
Lol Abi ya the one sef?


Omo!!
It works ooo

No, it is "his friend"

chatinent:
His generic claims are false, ma. We don't stomach any sorts of entertainment against our beliefs -- we don't welcome vulgar, violent or immoral sorts of entertainment. About gospel music as said, we cannot embraces songs that credit what we don't believe too; songs of trinity, Christmas etc.

All the gospel songs don't sing about Christmas and Trinity. Are you talking about all the songs or specific ones?

YelloweWest:
God pls provide my daughter's with the type pf husband you gave me. The upgraded version of his type. Amen.

Because their is little hope for the boys here on nl. I pity who they marry.

My husband won't let me be stressed over anything appliances and maids are key!

I can really relate.

The mindset here doesn't reflect the real world. It's mostly teenagers and young guys who make those ignorant comments

MajesticD:
You've made so much sense. Truth is, the times have changed to make things easier for those who will embrace the change. A man who truly loves his wife will definitely look to make life easier for her by providing equipment that reduces her burden. However, I beg to differ with the "MUST A WOMAN KNOW HOW TO COOK?"
YES, a woman MUST know how to cook. How will a woman take proper care of her family without proper meals?

Not every man requires that. Not every woman likes to cook or know how. Proper meals can be bought. My side hustle is cooking and delivering bowls of soup and stews to people. Most of my customers are married people.

The world has really changed as you mentioned. People are more open minded and even considerate. I, for instance don't have a mortar because my husband doesn't think I should be pounding.

A woman knowing how to cook is desirable and advisable. But it is not a must for some men.

Bahamas95:
Jehovah's witnesses mind deep pass ocean. They want to know everything about you but keep their secrets to themselves as if na dem wise pass. Dem fit play Naira Marley music and nor complain about the lyrics but immediately you play Frank Edwards, Tope Alabi and other gospel music dem must see something to criticize about the song.


I once had them as friends but I have disassociated myself from them because I dislike pretenders.

The bolded got me. Why do they criticize it?

Toks2008:
Ladies and this cheating talks. Cheating has nothing to do with what a man wants so get that clear lady.

How many men will ask their wives to do Ass job? maybe few will want boobs firming job and that will be after childbearing.

The cheating part was just to stress the fact that they say they like something but chase after something different.

Toks2008:
Personally, i don't find most of these modern educated ladies attractive and that is because of the too much sophistication they put in their lives, the way they dress, the artificial impossible hair they do and their oversabi attitude and i always joke that when a lady speaks too much grammer and she does not see anyone to speak to, nah her husband head go suffer am ''don't be silly, you are pissing me off, do you know you are harassing me right now, your stupidity is epic...'' and so on but a lady wey no too go school go humble(not all though)

Then come to the beauty of these so-called uneducated ladies, they hardly use crazy creams,make ups thereby keeping their skin so naturally and their pheromones intact, they hardly care about liposuction, Ass job,boobs job and so on...honestly sophistication has become the bane of these socalled modern ladies with only few of them still good to be with. As far as i am concerned, men don't get attracted to grammer or wigs but a man is aroused by natural beauty which many sophisticated ladies have traded away.

Wow!! I thought it was the men that want their wives to do this liposuction and boob jobs.

Well I guess some men don't know what they want. Today they want a traditional wife with natural beauty; one that uses ori or adiagbon as cream. Tomorrow, they cheat on her with a sophisticated lady with false lashes and big wigs.

Everyone should just try to be real with themselves

Kazim88:
Don't misquote me... I never said education is meant for men...

Just like the Bible, it was primarily in Latin... The man that translated it to English was killed, burned to the stake for doing it.
Same way education, women were discriminated... It was designed for men (I am given you basic history)

Just they way US educational system was designed for the white, with so many biases against blacks and Africa.

But as black started getting this education, they start behaving and dressing like the whites, and demanding to be respected like whites... Which is not bad.

Same way with women, as they started getting educated, they started behaving like men, and start demanding mutual respect... Which is not bad.

Is education bad for women? No... Is the world better off with women educated? yes....

The only issue is, tho the modern woman is better off, but she no longer fit-in into marriage designed for and when women were not empowered.
But she is not willing to accept it, because society frown and disrepect "successful" older single, divorcee... They call them "Olosho"...
Infact the society measure a woman by her success on home front, not even on career.
So she tries to edit and modernize an ancient institution to suit her interest in other for her to enter because she has become so big, she can't cut herself to size

Although, I know soon they would be a new societally accepted arrangements in alternate to traditional marriage system tht will integrate successful and industrious career women.
Who would had thought, gay would be acceptable in this lifetime or Sex would no longer be just "male and female"..
But for now.... It is what it is.

For misquoting me, I am done talking. Keep you believe to yourself.

Misquoting you? You were the one that was on about how it is bachelor's degree and not spinster's degree and why it is called a master's degree. Trying to project that it was originally for men. So where is the misquoting from?

It's ok if you didn't have a defence to your misinterpretation of the origin of the "Bachelor's degree". Accept that instead of claiming I misquoted you.

Bye

Kokaine:
that's the trouble I am facing too. It took me a long time to get a job, rent my house and be independent comfortably, now its time to settle down, I can't find my kind of partner. Its harder than I thought

Please tell Kennedyiheme02. He says a man can find a wife in 2 weeks.

Kennedyiheme02:
lol maybe you don't have the answer... if you did you'll list them since you've been very chatty .. women are very expressive, lol its not the case here... the problem here is there aren't many men ready or interested in marriage.. i wish you female folks good luck.. these times are gonna be tough.. hubby search is gonna get harder... good luck y'all will need it

You have also been very chatty even more chatty. Or, wait, you think it is not a woman's place too?

Listing answers won't help someone like you who has a prejudice. You need to see it yourself to believe. Even if women are expressive, they are intuitive enough to know when something is a lost cause.

Kazim88:
We are saying the same thing... You have perhaps a Bachelor's degree or even a Master's..

Have you wonder why it is not spinsters degree or Mrs Degree...

Education was primarily designed to turn boys (nowadays girls) to bachelors, the bachelors to masters..

So you see women working in corporation and taking up jobs that were previously and traditionally done by men... And this women are doing very well.. corporately.

But at home front... It feels like living with your fellow guyman mentally..

Yea, your husband sees you as a friend, fellow bachelors... It's normal... people can live with it for the rest of their good life

Some men can't stand traditional women because of their over independence and their emotional instability... It's normal..

But just know that Feminism is as a result of women fighting to be treated same way like men but ironically "like poles repel, unlike poles attracts"

A man would by default be attracted to feminity and be apprehensive of Feminism

Haba!!

And you feel education was meant for men and you are displaying this kind of ignorance.

Please read about how the name "bachelor's degree" came about o. Bachelor was the name of a knight. It has nothing to do with gender. Don't worry, they don't have our "NL men" mentality. Education wasn't for only men.

I don't know about feminism or "masculism". I just know about two people loving each other and coming together to build a life together.

Kennedyiheme02:
we dont see men disturbing us about how and when they'll marry... please we know the truth.. marriage is never hard for men.. we aren't just interested anymore.. that aside, can you tell us the advantages of having a modern/feminist wife?

That is because women are more expressive of their feelings than men. The fact that a man doesn't say it, doesn't mean he is not thinking or feeling it.

You aren't just interested anymore. Speak for yourself. When the time comes, it will be clearer. These things cannot be explained to someone who doesn't understand. Right now you are still using girlfriend eyes and sense to gauge marriage.

It will be better you visit the people you know; modern and traditional marriages and get the advantages and disadvantages. Because from what I see you won't value anything I say that doesn't align with your preconceived ideas.

Kazim88:
You are right, everyone with his/her different specs..

The truth is 99% of men want their daughters to a be a successful career women but same really can't stand one maritally.

So you see successful career ladies that are single, divorced or anti-marriage because marriage is a traditional institution that was built on women being domesticated and men being the fender...

For a thousand years men, due to poverty have tried push off the fending tag, while women due to exposure and good education having being trying to change the domestic narrative...
Both party wants to edit an institution as old as mankind...

Like the guy you were quoting said... "Take out the traditional concept of marriage, then marriage would be useless for both parties"

If I were to be a female, with career mindset... I had forget the idea of getting married... It always end in premium tears, messy divorce or lifetime of tolerating apparent bullshit for women that is not domesticated

A career woman can be married. I for one am working. In fact I have my laptop on my laps as I am chatting with you...on a Sunday. But I have been married for almost 5 years without any complaints from my husband about work.

As I said, it's the attitude that matters and not forgetting that family matters. I learnt from my sister to combine both. And I have a husband that makes my life easy, not one that always wants to prove a point.

It is selfish for a man to pursue his career while he expects the woman to sit at home if that's not what she wants.

I have friends that are house wives and some that are career wives. And they are doing well. The one I know that didn't work was majorly a family issue.

Kennedyiheme02:
no this is a big lie.. dont twist reality to hide the truth everyone already knows.. marroage is too easy for men.. please don't try to hide what already know.

Guy are you married?

Go out there and look for a wife and tell me if you will find one in 2 weeks.

Don't let social media deceive you. I deal with real people. I see my husband's friends and mine that are looking for wives. We even tried to hook one up. My brother's friend was asking me to hook him up with my friends.

I hooked up my brother's friend (same brother) with my roommate in school. He had been looking for a wife.They are married with 3 kids now. He keeps thanking me till today.

You need to realize that women are not disadvantaged. Both men and women need each other. When you understand this, maybe your mindset will change.

gift2xl:
Wow... Am impressed. Pls before you blame Nigerian women, check the foundation, by foundation I mean the country, those that elected themselves as president and governor's. What driven impact did they make. At her age Nigerian is still backward, subjecting it's citizens to poverty daily. Dude's everyone wants to survived and lean on some ones shoulders to be carried along. Lot's of graduate with good grade's unemployed, no favourable and conducive environment to showcase. But still when opportunity that was denied you in your birth country, knocks on your door from another favourable and conducive country you see our people performing excellently well, both male and female. There are still nice Nigerian women with perfect life style both productive and supportive.

Are you minding the men talking? Are they anything like the guy.

Case of pot calling kettle black . I just laugh when our men here talk us down. They themselves are not worth anything than running mouths.

You will see the ones that can't even think for themselves talking. The real men don't talk that loosely. Any man that you see always talking down our women has serious issues themselves.

Kazim88:
Not a slave, perhaps a partner on the home front.
Her priority is to manage our home... To manage me the husband, the children and the facility...

But they are women that are career minded... Those ones are not marriageable because you can't serve two masters... You can't serve the company you work and your home together effectively, one must suffer.

Being career minded should not be a problem. It is the attitude that matters. And a man should see what he wants first before jumping in. So that he won't start trying to change his wife. Some men can handle the career type while some can't. So pick your spec.

As long as they can find a way that works for both of them, a couple can live happily. My big sis for instance has been a banker for over 20yrs and has grown in rank but that has not affected her family.

When a couple love each other genuinely and are not threatened by the other's success and are ready to make life easier for each other, it's priceless.

All I see on this forum is men always trying to proclaim their position and make everything about gender wars.

If a man always has to remind people that he is the head, it means he isn't.

Kennedyiheme02:
lol no one really cares about a 40 year old unmarried man... because people no men do not hit the wall.. as men age they look younger and stronger, so let me ask you a question.. a 30 year old and and a 30 year old woman..both unmarried, who do you think is more desperate?.. lol do you know how many women have tried to carjole me into marrying them?.. even lieing about being pregnant?

Have you ever heard were men search for wives for 4 years?, see as a man i can marry next week if i wanted to, marriage is a thing i can get anytime i want... you know why?, because I'm a man who can get wifey duties by paying a maid to do them for me.... my money can actually get me a maid to take those wife responsibilities...

But as a woman you cant buy a husband.. lol can you buy some one that will take care of you and provide for your family?.. can you buy a rich responsible man?... i dont think so..

So you see why women are single, and its a priviledge and gift you get a man who wants to make you his wife.... you know it but your ego is too big to admit the truth..

So how do you get to be priviledged to be married into a home as a wife and throw that opportunity away?.. do you know there are thousands of women standing in line ready to take your place... even wipe your hubbies ass everyday?...

You are really getting it wrong.

The over 45 unmarried man I talked about is raising eyebrows. But some of us are privy to the kind of person he is that might make ladies run. Women too have choices.

I was at a birthday gathering on Friday and my friend met a lady and immediately checked her wedding finger. I asked if he was that desperate and he said he has been looking for a wife.

So, No, a man is not eligible for marriage just because he is a man. He has to wait and search. When he meets a woman that agrees to be his wife, it is a privilege to him also.

And at the bolded, it is not peculiar to men, don't get it twisted. Just two weeks back, my uni school mate that reconnected with me was hinted that we go on a trip to Dubai even though he knows I am married. I laughed and showed my husband the chat. That is just one scenario.

When you find a wife, you can treat her as though you did her a favour. But the ones I know, my sisters, cousins, family friends are treated with love and consideration.

So let's us agree to disagree because our views are different. When you get a wife, you will understand better but if you already married, then more grease to your wife's elbow to be able to live with a man like you.

Enjoy your Sunday

Kennedyiheme02:
lol character flaw?... no its not, thats how women are, even the most gentle ones turn out to be demons..

with all this you've said you would expect the amount of single ladies bothering us with "I'm single, oh i need a man" would reduce... lol no, my whatsapp status is full of single women posting "God when" .

Go to canada, you'll see alot of lonely women, career women on anti depressants....abroad even white women can't find a man... men aren't interested anymore in dealing with womens shit.... suicide rate will go up soon.

I've met alot if men, majority aren't interested in marriage anymore, myself included..

And yes men do women a favour by marrying them.. who saves women from menopause?...

The male gender is one of the unique living things on earth. The ability to reproduce even at old age is just magnificent.

The thing is every step modern day women take, they take 5 steps backward... the most treasurable thing a woman has is the fact that a man gives them a responsibility of a wife.. its should be an honour... in linda ikejis next life, if they ask her again, choose being a rich single woman or a wife of rich man... i can assure you, she'll choose the latter.

A rich woman with no husband or family of her own... thats a serious disgrace. In my village wherever married women are talking she'll just sit in shame... nobody respects a rich woman driving her gwagon,

but every respects a woman driving her rich husbands g-wagon..

Men are also made honourable when they get married. A man that is single at 40 also raises eyebrows. I have a relative that is over 45 and still single and people are asking questions. It is not peculiar to women.

No one did me a favour marrying me. I was in my father's house and a man came to ask me to marry him. We did ourselves favours. I really don't know where you get this mindset from. It is better for a woman to be single despite what whatever society says than marry a man who thinks he did her a favour and therefore treats her like trash.

Women should know their rights as women and as a wife so that one man won't come and bully them or try to make them feel disadvantaged for being single or married.

God created the male and female gender which makes them both unique. The fact that a man feels he is higher because he can reproduce at 100 years is funny. What of a man that is sterile? Is he still unique? What else makes him unique?

No man has the right to maltreat his wife because he thinks he did her a favour marrying her. But I am glad it is only a few men that think this way from what I see in the real world.

ume1000:
These things could be done if the woman provide part of the finance

So it's about the money.

So if the man is out of work and she is the one fending for the family, he can take over all the chores right? He'll sweep the house, do the dishes, bath the kids and take them to school, go to the market and come back to cook. Then he'll serve her food when she gets back since she's the one with the money. Right?