₦airaland Forum

Kennedyiheme02:
as long as women want to get married they should be ready to abide by every thing laws of nature has put in place for marriage union.. they are things civilization or jet age can't eradicate... how strong of a marriage do you imagine when a woman is the bread winner?... my maternal aunt was the bread winner of her family.. her husband wasn't doing much.. far back as it 2008.. any time she visits she tells everyone how useless the man is... fast forward till today they aren't together anyman.... a union where there is an inbalance in duty roles of men and women , i mean a suituation where the woman feeds the family and the husband stays at home cannot work... its a disaster... you can't fight nature...... also its simple if you wonna be a modern wife, you shouldn't be marrying.. stay single be the 21st century civilized woman ...no wonder women cry about looking for good men... yet you wonder where they all went..
Who is gonna marry a woman who is useless...? Cant cook, cant clean, cant do nothing, but wants to make money and be the bread winner? Definitely not me or any other men.. i rather have a maid than a uselss 21st century woman..

Your aunt had a character flaw. It had little to do with the fact that she was earning more. Besides, some men maltreat their wives because they are the ones working and the wives are dependent on them and they go about saying how their wives are useless.

My husband's friend's wife doesn't really know how to cook and she is not a food person. Someone comes to their house to cook their soups and stews monthly or every 2 weeks.

They have been married for over 5yrs with 2 children. They both work but he has the bulk of the money. He says that he knew his wife was that way before they got married and he loves her like that. And it works for them.

My husband on the other hand is the kind that his concern is that I should not be stressed. Whatever is too stressful, pay someone to do it. Plus he does some chores too.

Not all men have the mentality that the wife is his personal maid. It's about upbringing and how men are taught to view women. Many parents have failed in that area.

That is why we have men that don't even understand the concept of a wife, getting married. Men who believe a wife is a cleaner and a cook. Men who have no business getting married becoming problems to their wives. They feel they have done her a favour by marrying her and therefore she is doomed.

Kennedyiheme02:
every partner has a responsibility... there's a natural law in nature that has given men and women unique roles in society.. even animals have heirachy.. you should watch natgeo world.. you'll realise the female gender is just subservient to the male gender... that is how life is.. animals even know this... how you try to fight what you cant fight is baffling...... if you strong headed to perform the role of a wife , why the hell should any man marry you for gods sake?.... see it this way.. can you marry a broke, jobless, irresponsible man?... i guess not.. that is the same way a man can't marry a woman who cant cook, clean and perform wifey duties

It's a good thing we are humans and not animals.

You are talking about natural laws. Do these natural laws recognize the fact that the world has evolved and roles are being shared?

When the woman also has a career and brings in as much as the man and contributes too, who then does the chores?

Marriage is not a power tussle or a master/servant relationship as some of you men see it. That's why a man's mind needs to be mature first before he ventures into marriage so that he won't start thinking he has bought a maid.

Palema007:
Lol very spoilt brats! Just hop on mentions to throw insults without minding who could be behind the monicker . To guys on this forum as long as you are or sound like a lady, you can be insulted. Very brainless entities!

That's how you spot an insecure man, a man with inferiority complex. One who feels high by bringing ladies down.

Kennedyiheme02:
its actually the price to pay , if I'm not gonna get the benefits of having a traditional wife, why am i getting married? I'll rather get a maid... at least what a civilized wife wouldn't do a maid would do even better.. you don't know its a priviledge to have wifey responsibilities?. If you aren't given wife responsibilities whats your value as a wife?.. you're basically useless.. i rather have a maid

The question is "what is a wife to you". A slave? A partner?

You use things/people according to the value you place on them.

If you are comparing a wife to a maid then you don't really know what or who a wife is to a man.

Palema007:
Another mad one! Is it an abomination for guys to counter opinion maturely on this forum? Please what's your rant all about now? So you are angry because you are asked to wash your boxers ? Overgrown babies like you are the ones who use toilets without flushing. Disgusting little thing! Ewwww.

It is probably the way they were brought up.

LadySarah:
My bestie is suffering it right now. She's on Nl sef. The once bubbly lady has become a shadow of herself.
But I warned her. When she'd tell me how her husband would praise her and tell her she doesn't behave like a last born. I told her to tone down cos later she will suffer it.
3 kids down the line she has been shedding tears s each time she calls me.Oga can't lift his boxer shorts from the floor to save his life. Won't even go to fill the gas cylinder with his caroo while his wife will be jumping kekec with 12.5kg cylinder,or minor repairs at home. Just drop money and face front. Fresh food tinz.

Me I will just say sorry. E no concern me.

That's why they say don't start what you cannot finish or follow through.

But then again, a man who looks out for his wife would be more involved. He can't just let her exhaust herself.

Some men on this forum will make it seem like that is the norm; like it is the price to pay for one to become a Mrs. Big lie

JONNYSPUTE:
.....Why you dey call me Hitler? Wetin I do?

Na your comment na.

Sounded like master/servant

JONNYSPUTE:
....Wetin happen?

For where?

hashtagged:
Everyone always hears of something but never see.

And I know some personally. I was still in the house of one today. She earns like 3ce what her husband earns. Their 2 kids are in private schools...uni and secondary. Guess who pays the fees? She does.

The fact that we don't see them walking about proclaiming that they are the breadwinners and asking their husbands to do the chores doesn't mean they don't exist.

JONNYSPUTE:
.....So the meaning of a good and virtuous wife is now a slave? .

Make Una continue dey break Una homes feeling woke.

Waiting for the day my wife will say so rubbish to my hearing.

Sorry o Hitler

hashtagged:
Then the man does the babysitting and caring for kids

Although i havnt seen female breadwinners or they are extremely rare

Not exactly rare. They won't just come out and tell people that they are the ones paying the bills. Most protect their husbands.

I heard of one who lost her husband. The husband's family came to try to inherit their brother's wealth. That's when they realized she was the breadwinner. Even the children didn't know.

oluplus:
I love this

Don't mind the op. She doesn't know that appearance is different from reality and the grass is not always greener on the other side. It is covertousness that makes people always long for something they think they don't have.

Favour2323:
Nairalanders, I'm about to do something my conscience doesn't agree with but it feels like the right decision to make. I have a boyfriend. We've been dating for the past 6 months. I love him. We were good friends before we started dating. I'm someone who doesn't trust easily and I like to assess a guy for a while before dating him. I assessed his intentions and I realised he didn't just want to have sex with me and leave. He loved me just as I loved him.

Three months ago I met this guy. At first I just saw him as a friend, but as I got to know him I started noticing the good qualities he possessed. He's very attractive, very intelligent and wellspoken. My conversations with him were so immersive. The little time I spent with him always left a profound impression on me. Soon I noticed I had started developing feelings for him. I was still in love with my boyfriend nevertheless.

One day the new guy asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told him I did. The next day he called me and said that he didn't want to interfere with my relationship. He said he had feelings for me and he couldn't remain friends with me when he knows I have a boyfriend. I told him that I had feelings for him as well and that we could still remain friends but he refused and suggested that we stopped talking. He hasn't called or texted me since that day.

This situation has left me in an emotional turmoil. This new guy represents everything I want in a guy and as much as I don't want to admit it, he possesses better qualities than my boyfriend. I can't imagine a life where I can't talk to him anymore. I really like him. His decision has left me in a dicey position. It's unfair to leave my boyfriend who has always been nice to me for someone else, but the new guy doesn't want to have anything to do with me again as long as I'm in a relationship.

Please I need advice. I don't want to make the wrong decision.

Your conscience does not agree with it but it feels like the right thing to do. How? You are already contradicting yourself.

My advice is that you leave your boyfriend for the new guy. He is attractive and has many qualities that your bf doesn't have.

When you guys start dating and you meet another guy with better qualities, you can also leave him and date the new one...and continue the cycle.

Maybe one day you will find what you are looking for.

This his hair that is always flying around.

Mraphel:
Shocking.

I rather move out of d house or divorce her than to raise hand on a woman.

Many men see that as a sign of weakness not knowing it can save their lives and save them from regrets.

The truth is that a woman's tongue could be acidic and she could be provoking. But it's best to walk away because just one punch or slap in the wrong place could kill her.

bukatyne:
Not necessarily.

Some people think a woman should change her signature, SIM, passwords etc. immediately after marriage so she starts on a clean 'sheet.'

Read it first on NL and started observing offline that some people also hold that view.

It is not insecurity, it is more of control.

That is a silly request. I think it is both; insecurity and control.

After almost 5yrs of marriage, my SM accounts still have my maiden name. My husband sees it and doesn't flinch. The most important documents have his names.

Some people major on the minor and minor on the major.

Senseless talk.

Yep. Men need peace, support and encouragement. It's not easy being the man of the house with so much expectation even from other family especially if he is the first son.

To get to the point of marrying means that you have gotten to know the person. So it doesn't matter where you guys met.

JONNYSPUTE:
....You re right on this but what I can understand here is that there's no trust in their marriage.

Both are suspicious of each other

From what she said, the trust issues seem to be from the man's side; asking her to get a new sim, asking for her passwords. It's except she did something in the past that made him so distrustful or he is just the insecure type.

Mimiliciously:
He tried to get me to change the sim I had been using for years immediately after we got married. I refused. The phone got lost one day and he told me to get a fresh sim and not retrieve the old number. . I did, so that peace can reign. Since then he's been on my social media. Stressing me about it.

Ahhhhh. Sounds like the insecure and possessive type, marking his territory.

Such men will never be satisfied with anything because of their insecurities. Today it is your SM, tomorrow it might be your friends and something else after that.

Giving him your passwords is giving him control over you and feeding his insecurities. I would say...stand your ground and probably escalate the matter to an elder if it persists.

JONNYSPUTE:
.....Both should not see anything wrong in posting their pictures on each others social media statues except they are both cheating.

Are they not married for Christ sake?

Not everyone likes that kind of exposure; showing their spouses of children. I don't put up my husband's picture on my status except on Father's Day and his birthday. If she communicates her reasons well enough, he might understand.

JidennaJason:
Without been told, you can see clearly that the Op and her husband "Rushed" into marriage just like the way Yakubu Dogara "Rushed" into the demonic APC...

-Lack of Trust.

-No bond between them.

-Lack of heart to heart communication.

That's all I see in this marriage....


If you're not hiding anything from him, then hand over the password... It's really that simple.

As long as he hands over his too. If both of them have nothing to hide, they should exchange passwords.

flyingpig:
So International Flights dey occur all this while

I was shocked when I heard my colleague was in Canada. He was here during the lockdown and suddenly 3weeks ago, I heard he had travelled.

Chinkos99:
Hey I didn't set him up
Just took him as a workmate/ bestie

You led him on. On your part, you think it was innocent but to him, you were giving him the green light. Although, I believe you knew what you were doing because you are a grown woman.

Sometimes love develops and that kind of love that starts from friendship and grows into "love" is most times solid. You can give it time. But not too much time because you shouldn't lead him on for too long only to dash his hopes. Or you can step back and allow another woman love him.

EastanPower:
I am a very busy person and I know a matured advise when I see one. I am not a kid.

If you were really very busy, would you require sex everyday like that is all you do.

But on a serious note, this is something you need to discuss with your wife so that you both could meet half way.

This came up in my family WhatsApp group. And the grandma; the oldest person in the group said the mother should have the sense to sit at the back. But that if the wife meets her in the front seat, she should quietly sit behind and trash it out with her husband later.

Truth is some wives and MILs alike are troublesome.

Elder0001:
Meatpie for the culture.
I baked them yesterday afternoon but couldn't snap.

@dyt, @hathor07 and @pocohantas come and take your share, I ate only two yesterday.
My friends that I was expecting yesterday that made me to bake this much failed to come around.

Wow! This looks good.

Sweetness4:
Note.. I said that because i am not the only one he scammed. The EFCC was just to let him know people are comimg for him.
He scammed me of 2k and I was pained. Imagine the pain of others he has scammed too.
Families he has scammed. It is not only for me. Some of them didn't speak out... I raised the alarm that there was a fraudster named Selfpaiid on Nairaland. Some almost did business with him too.
A guy he scammed was in my DM complaining. I felt his pain too.
It's my money and i have every right to be sad cus i worked for it. 2k may not be a big deal for you, but it is for me right now.
This is one of my mistake and I've learnt from it.
It's never going to happen again.

Don't get me wrong. 2k is money definitely. Maybe I was expecting all the rant to be for something more substantial especially when you kept saying you are in pains. Only to see that you are in pains for 2k. If you now lose 10k, what will you do?

I know you worked for it. Everyone works for money, that's why it should be used well. It is not wise to use your last card for a luxury at the expense of the basics.

And think twice when something is unnecessarily cheap or free except it is coming from a close friend or family.

mariahAngel:
Could it be that those girls were greedy, or that you are stingy?
I think it is both

More like the girls were greeeeeedy. Something they would never buy with their own money but try to take advantage when another person is paying.

I hope he has used his own dignity to acquire wealth.

Sweetness4:
Selfpaiid if you're seeing this pay me back my money if you don't want EFCC to catch you.

EFCC for 2k? They are busy o.

Firstly, who sells a used decoder for 2k? Most time Awoof dey run belle. The fact that the selfpaiid guy is ready to lose his reputation and business for just 2,000 naira, is a pity.

Sincerely I was laughing when I realized all your rant was for 2k. Your siblings will not die if they don't get the cable tv now. There are more essential things to spend limited money on.

When you have enough money, you can afford to buy it for them. Not that you will use your last card to buy decoder and everyone will be hungry