₦airaland Forum

Topsic70:
Lolz, of all d tory wet full ground, na 'simp' dey punch u?
Contribute 4 d mata and leave 'simp' for 'Simpsons' biko.

He got good advice from others.

There's time for everything. A time to advise and a time to contribute to the matter.

HarunaWest:
Like some of you don't know most than 'money '...... Yeye dey smell

Awwww...it hurt right? I guess you are one of the "simp labellers".

Don't worry you'll be fine.

emperorshaokahn:
she wont pay bride price,she wont contribute money for rent,she wont pay for her hospital bills(during pregnancy),heck she wont even pay for her fake human her,what then exactly is her use?popping out babies?,you see why i think marrage does not favour men.

Popping out babies? She slept with herself right?
Pay bride price? Did she ask herself to marry herself?
Fake human hair? Is it an essential item for survival or he has a gun to his neck to buy it?
Hospital bills? Even my husband and I use each other's HMO.

Couples figure things out and try to make life better for the other.

Look, when the time comes for you to get married, you will understand marriage and figure it out. But if that time never comes, that means you shouldn't bother getting married.

emperorshaokahn:
actually the social media is the only place women pretend to be equal or want to be equal with men,if they can replecate these social media equality charade in the non virtual world(real life).then things would get better for them,btw i have not seen a nigerian women pay her bride price na only for nairaland and fb i day hear am.you as a woman is not entitled to anything extra ordinary from a man just because he claims to love you.

Is it the woman that's supposed to pay her bride price? So that you will turn around and say she was desperate.

As I said, marriage is not for everyone. It's not by force. Anyone who doesn't understand it or see the value in it should not venture into it.

pretydiva:
What's up with this simp ish? Na the latest English for Nairaland be this ni

You guys cant give your advice without calling the op a simp. smh

It's becoming a cliché. It has taken over from "cretin". Meanwhile those always shouting "simp" are not different from the people they call simp in real life. It is just to come to Nairaland and be shouting "simp" with nothing sensible to contribute.

emperorshaokahn:
you did not answer any of my questions.

Did the op say anything about his sister not willing to contribute or not.

Have you been privy to the expenses of different marriages to know of the woman contributes or not. Even my sister would tell me sometimes that they are both contributing for rent coming up.

Forget what you read on SM, the real world is the real world. Even all these guys shouting "simp" don't deceive me. Talk is cheap.

It could be genes and it could also be negligence or over loving.

I know a child that was so overweight at about age 4. She used to finish one whole pack of 5 alive in one sitting.

When parents have this mindset that they want to give their children what they didn't have growing up, that could be a problem.

emperorshaokahn:
you type like a very educated and smart woman,so i will just ignore(wont type) what is on my mind,btw are you a feminist?.

I am a realistic human being who believes in living my life with consideration for others.

emperorshaokahn:
but wait o,what happened to girl power,what a man can do a woman can do better?,and all those other b.s you women like to tell yourselfs.cant the woman rent a house or even contribute a substantial sum for a house?,would the heaven's fall of she does that?,oh she does not have such money?but she expects her struggling husband to?.why do you women think marrage or any romantic relationship is a favour to the man?,when the reverse is actually the case,why dont you women like investing in your own marrage?.

If you were reading to understand rather than to attack, you would have seen that the boy (we can't call him a man) doesn't want to leave his mother.

Kriss216:
Being a Simp and getting married to a Nigerian girl is deadlier than cancer.

Please stop this "simp" thing and make more intelligent contributions.

Some of you don't know anything more than "simp"

ogbuefi677:
Most of you women just have are just plain wicked and with negative mindsets.
Yes,before you get 2 men who have a preference for their mothers, there are 20 men who take very good care of their wives and children while mama is suffering in the village.
Meanwhile na mama pay school fees,train,nurture etc till bobo became what he is.

If we want to really go into that. Is it the mum that paid the fees in most cases? Nope. It's the dad.

And please what wickedness and negative mindset are you referring to? Not wanting to get married and go and live with husband and mother in mother's house?

Doesn't the wife have a mother she wants to cling to that "paid her fees and trained her". Please reason this matter like a man not a boy

emperorshaokahn:
same thing applies to women too.

Exactly.

But you were talking about men and how some of them believe they are God's gift to a woman.

God that created both sexes and marriage is not foolish.

It takes a mature man to get that understanding about marriage. One that doesn't, shouldn't bother getting married because that marriage will be troubled because of his myopic mindset.

emperorshaokahn:
lol,on the contrary i'm quite pleased with those comments,it shows we still have real and strong men who knows their rights and wont trade it for any woman in the name of love or any other b.s.

Not every man is fit to get married and it's fine. Better for a man to be single than become a nuisance to an unfortunate woman.

k4kenny:
I honestly stunned at the kind of responses I'm seeing from the males in this forum. Do y'all honestly think you're doing women the ultimate favour by marrying her, therefore she should subject herself to all manners of discomfort? The OP's sister is right to stand her ground and call off the wedding. Marrying into the husband's family house with the MIL would breed nothing but hatred and contempt in the long run! This is not to say that she hates his family or she'll chase them away. Sometimes people should be kept at a reasonable distance for love and respect to grow.

Men get over yourselves, not all ladies are desperate to subject themselves to discomfort in the name of marriage. The ones who do lack self esteem and often end up regretting their decision.

Read the book 'The white elephant', by Aisha Adams. It talks about the mistakes she made as a young bride, on of which was agreeing to move into her husband's family house. It ended up in a bitter divorce. Some aren't divorced but are living as strangers in their in law's place. They're mostly bitter and depressed. Trust me if they had the chance to reverse their decision, they would.

Do you seriously believe that those comments are from men. Little boys that know nothing about life and marriage are speaking from their own small minded understanding. Don't take them seriously.

ogbuefi677:
You people never ever have d duty to provide for anything,it must be the man.
Even as students,your fellow students who are unfortunate to be male must pay everytime,una own na just to de collect and be provided for.

What you typed here doesn't make sense to me. I don't even understand how it relates the topic or my comment.

loneprof:
My dear, I totally understand your perspective and I am only speaking against the extremes. I for one, do not think any guy should think of settling down in his parents house (unless you're Indian which is their culture).

So trust me, we agree on the privacy issue. But if you check the issue well, it looks awkward to say they're just disagreeing on where to settle after making marriage plans. If the lady in question isn't the one putting the man under pressure for marriage (which is commonplace with ladies), I see no reason why they shouldn't have agreed on a place. It seems to me like a last minute U-turn after weighting her options, which is why I think some ladies are just selfish.

Furthermore, I think a lot of ladies must understand that men, generally, have a soft spot for their mothers and should try to reduce the whole jealousy thing. There's a place for everyone in a man's heart and no man would abandon his wife just because of the mother. Ladies must stop competing with their mother in laws.

For her to cancel the marriage plans, it's obvious she is not the one pushing to get married and at any cost.

I understand men have soft spots for their mothers. My husband and his mum talk everyday and I see nothing wrong in it. But he knows where to draw the line in such a way that both me and his mum know we are important to him. But some men try to exhault their mothers over their wives, always reminding the wife that the mother brought him up as if she doesn't have a mother.

But in the true sense, who should sweat and bring up a child? The nanny or village head? Off course it's the parents.

Funny enough, women even seem to have that soft spot more for their mothers but they don't allow it affect other relationships or Lord it over their husbands. I have noticed that women visit their mums more.

They are the ones that will come and sit down and gist and help around. The man might just send money. Both have their ways of showing love. But why is it that most men always want to make that love for their mothers a problem in their marriage?

I believe a wise man will know how to balance both

loneprof:
Don't mind these girls. I met one barely less than 3 months she was already giving me signs just because I mentioned my mom. They forget they are women too and they will give birth to sons...

You don't want to tolerate your mother in law, but you can marry and sleep with her son, the son she trained with her blood and sweat.

So the men who stay in their own apartments with their wives were not trained with their mums blood? Or the wife that is leaving her own mother wasn't trained with her mums blood. Or do they love their mothers less?

Anyone who is not ready to leave his/her mother and get married should not think about getting married.

Let the guy ask his mother if she got married to his father and went to live with his mother.

Let's try to be objective in matters and not turning it into a gender war.

GboyegaD:
If she thinks that is needed for peace in her marriage, she did the right thing. I don't understand why the man is thinking of marriage and already planning to live with his mom. Whatever his reasons are, it makes no sense except if the mom is giving him a flat in her house.

As an aside, I wonder how our generation was raised. If our parents were independent right from when they gained admission, I don't understand why many parents still treat their 30+ old kids as babies. That is no love nor pampering and it is only a way of hiding their failure.

This over pampering is a serious problem. From the comments from some men here, I just feel ashamed of how they are being brought up. They have no business thinking about marriage before the become a nuisance to their wives.

As you said, it's except they have a flat to themselves in the family house. If not, it's not advisable and it doesn't mean she doesn't love his mum. It's good to have a healthy distance from family to avoid rifts

ojaysam25:
How old are you?

Sounds 16.

dominique:
I love my mother in-law but would I want to live with her permanently? Heck no!
As much as I love my sons, would I want them to live with me when they're married? Heck no!

That she doesn't want to live with her fiance's mother does not mean she does not love or respect the mum. She just craves her space and privacy like every newlywed should. She should not be shamed or insulted for this. It's the man that's too attached to his mother's apron strings that needs a resounding knock on his head.

I don't even know how some guys think from the comments I have been seeing. But I suspect those ones are kids.

He really needs a knock to reset his brain. I have seen marriages like that where the man can't leave his mum and it never ends well.

OluwaLina1:
He said he don't want his mum to feel lonely and his mum won't be free if she comes to stay in his appartment

You know your sister made the right choice. The man is not ready to grow up. He is still controlled by his mum. That kind of man is not husband material.

Your sister has seen the future and decided to save herself from mother and son entanglement.

OluwaLina1:
Real mummy's boy....He said he can't do without his mum

The marriage is already dead on arrival. She made the right choice. He won't be able to accept whatever wrong his mum does to the wife and this will be a major problem.

sexy74:
Your sister never ready marry.
She should try and know the reason why the guy wants it that way and try to reach a compromise.
The guy has known his mother all his life and there might be a strong bond between both of them., she cannot just come and destroy it because he wants to marry her.
That your sister will chase the guys family from him.

Your sister has pride let her keep it to herself .

A lady should not start what she cannot finish just because she wants to marry. Marriage cannot break a bond between a mother and child. What of the lady? Doesn't she have a mother that she's leaving? Does it break the bond?

If he is worried about bond breaking and forever tying himself to his mum, he's not ready for marriage.

A marriage that starts with living with family members especially living in the family member's house is already shaky.

zed7:
The question should be is the husband going to take the right decision? Your sister has made her choice. Is the man going to be smart enough to let her go without begging her?

You can't love me and not love my family, there's no point. It's not like they are going to stay there forever, probably to save up some money first. No man who doesn't like his independence, it circumstances that makes people take some decisions.

I'm not saying your sister doesn't have a right to her decisions, the man just has to be wise enough to let her go to avoid future problems.

Loving your family doesn't mean going to live with him and his family. Marriage has it's own problems not to now add possibly walking on egg shells and facing criticism constantly. It is a bad foundation for the marriage to start by going to love with his mum.

She even said the mum can come visit and stay over. But a man and wife should have their own place.

Borehole!

This country is a joke

Talk is cheap

Everybody should stay in their house.

Some men that cannot handle money. Once they see small money, is to enter bar or to carry babes.

Chummynoni:
I guess the guy is not that expose to know that you don't borrow your parents money. they will ask u to borrow them, but just have it in mind that you are giving them. I am talking from experience. u shudn't have given out your school fees except if it had to do with life-threatening sickness. this is a lesson

It was a wrong move

Oluwapluto:
To buy goods

So she thought she would sell off and pay back in time. That only happens in an ideal situation. Except she was sure she was expecting money from somewhere, it was a terrible idea and even wrong for her to ask for money meant for your school fees.

You need to live up to the consequences so that next time you won't lend out your school fees.

Oluwapluto:
She is financially crippled rn

What did she now use the 100k for?

It is not the love you have for your mother that is your problem. It's your decision and action that is the problem.

How can you borrow anyone your school fees? And your mother for that matter. Mothers that can use emotions to manipulate you and you won't be able to do anything.

Tell your dad to wait for when you collect your pay by month end. After all he is your father. It is better to owe him than to owe an outsider.