₦airaland Forum

AntiBrutus:
At that point, they become extra cautious and choosy. I have friends with good jobs, correct bachelors. They all say one thing Ima, "I will never marry a woman who has nothing doing"

Some go as far as mentioning certain "handwork" they consider vain or not sustainable. I don't ever judge them like guys here do. I support their decision.

But guys here will always want to blackmail you into settling down with anything.

At the bolded...Makeup artist . Every lady is a makeup artist these days.

I know such guys. Infact I have some that I am trying to hook up...plus my brother's friend that's over 45. Guys here believe it's only ladies that want to get married. I don't blame them. Most are young and immature

Glink2018:
Whichever way you look at it... it's not all ladies that will marriage a comfortable guy. There are some ladies that will marry an already man made while some will do a little work on their guy before they can be compatible..
Or some will choose a guy that they will do a lot of work before they can be compatible.
Irrespective, It all boils down to your ability and capacity to cope....
So, you have decided to go for the guy that you don't need to do much work.
Different folks for different strokes.. though there are some guys that live a very lowlife just to test the commitment of their partner in relationship...

You are not getting what I am saying. It's still a matter of choice. Either one should not be shamed for their choices. If you won't shame a lady that marries a poor guy, don't also shame one who marries a rich one.

AntiBrutus:
Money.
Diasporan.

You ehn!!

AntiBrutus:
Na them go help us marry them.

I don't live in such an environment. Then I will go marry a man living in such. Like that is not enough, his ego won't allow him move to my place, I will go join him in that room.

I will start walking on eggshells, so that my actions will not be misconstrued as disrespect.

Marrying a comfortable man isn't all about greed, it helps to protect his ego and give the woman peace.

This guy is best with his class, not me.

Most of the guys are commenting with the current state of their pockets and bank accounts. If they get good jobs and are staying in decent apartments, won't they expect ladies to marry them?

They think that its only when they are poor that they should be considered for marriage

Quorax:
All the people saying NO...

You all no get sense...

The most important thing is whether the person involve has DRIVE... WICKED DRIVE and knows what he wants and how to get it..

You should ONLY say no in the absence of the aforementioned, else you sound myopic.

He should use the WICKED DRIVE to make money and improve his standard of living first.

AntiBrutus:
I don't understand the steady need to blackmail ladies into marrying poor men. It is not even like majority of Nigerians are rich.

Even when you are a lady that works and earns something, they will still want to threaten you with menopause into settling for anything with third leg.

These same guys are the ones that will curse you tomorrow for being desperate that you had to settle with anything.

If he isn't broke, it is not true love
-NL guys since 1900 BC

Most of such guys only exist on this forum. I am beginning to think that Nairaland is breeding negativity in the guys on this forum. They just have this mindset of poverty...being poor, victims, etc. Any lady who doesn't marry or date a poor guy is a golddigger or many other names that they choose to use.

Who will now marry the comfortable or rich guys?

Godoverevery:
DK olukoya wife dated him Wen he had just one kettle and a pot in a room with just one student size bed and no fan.
Today she has a husband who is the G.O of mountain of fire and miracle ministry worldwide.

my mum from a rich home den dated my dad who was poor.... infact my dad family were nobody....my dad who was just a student in Lagos feeding from hand to mouth despite the insult from her families continued till she married him .....now my dad has different houses helps my mum relatives and built a four bedroom house for my grandma who never approved d marriage den cos of his status.

Like mum told my sister......what matters is ur happiness in life cos having a rich man doesn't guarantee that.....if he gonna make u happy for the rest of ur life marry him even if has nothing now once he is not lazy .....he may have more than enuff tomorrow.
what is the essence of living in a mansion well furnished and u feel like a prisoner in it and eventually u gonna leave the house cos u want to be happy.

Happiness doesn't only come with marrying a poor guy. Is it only poor guys who got married that are successful now? Someone needs to marry the comfortable ones too

Glink2018:
I think you women are more creative than me.
So you can't turn this common room to a palace for love sake.
Many women are looking for ready made guy. A lot of ready made guys are already engaged because someone saw then as a rubble and she turn the guy to gold. So you saw the gold and you think the gold doesn't belong to anybody. You came to pick it and go...as you are going the owner we collect it from you and you will be ashamed

The point is that it is a choice for any woman to go ahead with it. One who goes for a more comfortable guy should not be shamed as well as one who decides to stay with this one. But guys here will shame one who doesn't stay and call her slayqueen, golddigger, etc.

Personally, I would prefer we are both ok and more comfortable because I won't want to get married and still be turning to my family for help.

DrObiHogan:
I'm not surprised at your input. We're all saying the same thing. The stats ain't wrong. If I am a woman with all the things I know as a human being then a man I love and wants to spend the rest of my life with is living in a house like this probably because he didn't have upto 10% of the opportunities life has given me or just the challenges of life I will move in with him and set things right a thousand times and be proud of myself. It's just a question of wittiness and strength of character and these two are lacking in prostitutes and gold diggers.

The stats ain't wrong? Where did you get it? You came up with it yourself based on your own restricted knowledge probably based on what you see on social media or in your area.

Nigerian's population is over 201 million. Let's assume that half of that are females... that's about 100million. Except you have done a survey and got information from at least 25million of them. Or you got your data from a recognised statistics organisation, your figures are irrelevant.

Please don't come and misinform people here just in a bid to discredit Nigerian women. If you are going to badmouth us, at least do it with real and verifiable facts.

tracyberry:
Okay this is fucking wrong!!!!!! It has done a lot of harm to the society, some people never prayed to be where they are, with heresy ruling the society the middle class are seen as peasant, but then again it's your opinion. One thing for me is that I'm not going into any marriage without achieving my life goals and making it big so I won't have to be a burden to my man.

Especially for men; those will inflated egos especially. Because a man's ego can get in the way later. Haven't we seen a thread being opened here where the guy was complaining about the fact that his wife was from a rich family and believed they looked down on him.

DrObiHogan:
Nigerian girls are 80% prostitutes and 26% gold diggers. The odds of a woman saying yes is 0.04 while the odds of saying no is 9.96. You see the odds are against u mr poster.

Fictitious, unverifiable, malicious and ignorant statistics.

If you were a lady, I guess you will look forward to moving into that room. A man like that who can hardly fend for himself would be foolish to string a woman along and kids when they come

Ryan03:
are you living in such condition?
were you born into such condition?
if your answer to the above is no, it means your siblings aren't living in such condition too. now tell me, if you have a sister, will you allow her marry into such condition? I believe everyone should marry according to their status, all these blackmailing just to make the rich marry the poor is nonsense

You should know that on this forum, ladies are deemed worthy when they marry or date"poor guys". Because many guys on this forum believe they are poor and would probably remain that way. So they talk down any lady that prefers someone more comfortable.

But in truth, they would frown at their sisters marrying a man in such condition. They are just hypocrites.

XhosaNostra:
No, I will never accept. His priorities are all mixed up for starters. Why rush into marriage when you only have a handful of things & flip flops to your name? I've seen homeless people with more stuff than this!

Except he wants to use the wife for money rituals, why the rush for him at that level!

If he has sense, the last thing on his mind should be marriage. Except he is trying to set himself up for frustration.

Guys should desist from sending a girl to school with the hope of marrying her. The sad truth is that as she is going to school, her standard is improving, her mindset is upgraded and if the guy is still at the same level, it would be hard to relate.

The same thing if it's a lady selling fruits and sending a guy to school. When he graduates, his taste is higher. There are just some things we should not even set ourselves up with

Logobenz3:
my point is since she was smart enough to know her mom wasn't acting right,why did she leave for school rather than stay back and save the family business?
Now weh money no dey again make she go the school na.abi na empty hand dem dey use go school?
Anytime I see all these poor people shouting school=a better life,I just laugh because I always know where I will find them after 5 years and trust me,it is nothing close to the better life.
If your family no get money or influence,forget the BS called school and enter street and hustle,that's all.
In her case she didn't even have to hustle but just manage what was existent,she no gree
What advise will I give her at this point that will matter now weh money no dey again?
ABI you no read where she say she dey village
It's clear she has to make her own headway now and that my friend comes with a lot of suffering.
Either she will suffer her head,hands or Toto at this point,just the sad truth.
Ndi school.

Fortunately a good number of this "poor people" are able to finish school and end up doing well financially.

She has already said the businesses were closed down. Her mother can resuscitate the business and run it since she has left the man.

At this age, the op should be focused on shaping her future and if she believes school will do that for her, she should be encouraged.

Logobenz3:
now make she go the school make we see na.
Ndi better life
I am done advising dull people.

You don't think she should continue with school? What do you advise she does at this point?

Venusman:
You left your Mom in that condition to school at the time she needed you most.

You Mom is a widow and the man knew she needed love (he got into her in disguise). You could have help her out of that mess she called love.

I ain't saying you're wrong to have gone to school but your Mom has greater value too.

She cannot abandon school and her chance for a better future to sit and babysit her mum. Her mum has lived her life and made her choices.

The Op can help her better if she has an education, a business, etc. She can call her often and see her as often as she can. But much more, she owes herself a better life which her mum will end up benefitting from

PUSSYWHORE:
Why are you making this about me when it is obviously about you, scroll and check you are the only one with a different and absurd perspective yet you think i was wrong.

Cant you just admit you are wrong, is it because its coming from a guy?

I have no problem admitting when I am wrong to any gender even to kids. Maybe you could have made me understand what made my comment wrong instead of dilly-dallying and making prejudiced comments because I am a lady.

PUSSYWHORE:
Ok i have more than 8 posters whom saw my angle and you, just you who went astray and you think i was the problem?

I know what you expected and i aint gonna treat you differently, the way i responded is the way i would million times irrespective of the poster.

It's ok if you didn't understand my comment. You could have skipped it and saved your head the stress.

You open a thread and expect everyone to see everything from your angle.

At the bolded...your assumptions are too many. Free your mind. Take a deep breath and drink water. Life is not that hard

PUSSYWHORE:
I understand you are not use to honesty, i call it as i see it. i aint gonna treat you differently i am gender blind.

Your understanding is flawed and obviously based from a biased or preconceived notion, void of any kind of substance.

You can be gender deaf and dumb for all I care but just learn to communicate like a mature humam being. You are just derailing your thread because you have a problem with how I interpreted your post.

I simply said a marriage without love is just an arrangement. Whether you said "in love" or "to love". Doesn't it mean love? And if I didn't understand your angle, I guess it was too much for you to communicate it like an adult.

MobilityExpress:
Sore where? Some women have strong muscles down there that recover fast, some birth through CS, so there's no single formula for duration, it's an individual case by case. But general advice doctors give would be to wait 1 month, for CS women, but vaginal birth varies.

Some women do.not have a tear at all. So they resume service sooner. There were these two sisters in secondary school who were just 9months apart. And my close friend and his younger sister are 11months apart; his father is a doctor and his mum is a nurse .

nymphomaniac:
This one is strong...it’s disgusting to even go back there for the first few months. Not touching my wife for a year after childbirth.

Indeed

They just put themselves under pressure. Sometimes less is more. And you don't need to call the whole country before you wed. Plan something small and apologize later. Those that have large, society weddings are not more married than those that do small ones.

mylove4him:
This is dicey. Some people are lucky and some people aren't. Talk with your husband that any misbehavior from the girl she will go back. Bring her in treat her like a family. Please don't buy her phone o. Let her speak with her parents from your phone whenever and infront of you. I know that won't deter cos she can still call them from a pay phone to pass information. Sha treat her well and try be without blemish. So that whatsoever decision you will take in future. Your conscience will be free.

I am considering helping one like that but they haven't brought her. Her case will be enjoyment cos I have a maid and[b] I have nieces and nephews and also inlaws living with me[/b]. Just to get someone that will always be around my children. Maid will go for Christmas. These other ones go to school or work. So they ain't consistent. Make sure you have your husband on your side in whatsoever you choose to do with them

Why so many people staying with you And you still want to bring in another.

PUSSYWHORE:
If i cant teach you how to assimilate you cant teach me how to behave.

As long as your behaviour does not translate into insultive words directed at me.

PUSSYWHORE:
Do you have comprehension problem you are the only poster who misinterprete, without love is different from not in love with you, someone not in love can always fall in love as time goes.

The question is he is ready but not in love.

Why do some of you guys have to be so silly and disrespectful in your comments? Can't you comment without sounding conceited?

So what did I say that misinterpreted your question? "In love"..."to love"... it's still about loving.

LillyVal:
I don't know why Ladies think that anytime a guy invites them to his house is for sex
Please some times men just need someone to talk to, Is that right guys?

You should ask the guys why it is so.

Seychelles, Vernice, Italy, Morocco.

There must be love abeg. Without love, a marriage will just be an arrangement. Marriages with love have issues. What will now happen when there is no love?

bluebay:
Good morning
And thanks for the respond . Actually, she already have a son for me and am planning for the marriage this November but to be honest, am feeling discourage for her character . Am a Yoruba boy and she’s Urhobo, Am from a polygamous home and I must tell you that the second wife, which happened to be the urhobo ruined the family and brought my father the level he is now and that’s what made my Mother dislikes the urhobo. At first, my mother rejected and forbided me from having an urhobo lady but it took me a whole
Year to convince her . But now, am beginning to see similar character in her for she easily raises her voice at me, she hisses at me over little issues, she barely listen to what I instruct her to do but rather, do what pleases her . I’ve been tempted several times to let my hands on her but I just ignore and this makes me a weaker man everyday to the extend if I instruct her to do something, she just shouts at me and I keep quiet like a bitch. Please help .

Marriage is forever. If you can't stay with her one month at a stretch now, how will you cope when you are married?

Before you walk down that isle, be ready to accept her flaws and live with them for the rest of your life