₦airaland Forum

Op when you find the right woman, you will know. There won't be doubts in your heart and you will do anything to be with her.

Sadly, many men on this forum will advise you based on their own restricted mindset and the biased way they view "Nigerian women" and women in general

calgaryFriend:
So you want to build a case on presumption ? Goodluck with that... You guys should have a wonderful day, I don try. @OP if after all the advise we have given you here, you are still confused then I dont know what to say again.

@thebutterfly
@ImaIma1

I will see you guys around, it was nice exchanging views. CIAO

Except you are trying to be tricky and evasive, that is exactly what your comment meant. Take responsibility for your words.

calgaryFriend:
This is where you are wrong, it is not everything that is western that is right.

Apart from the fact that common sense is enough to tell people that a man should not marry an older woman, even biological clock is there to let us know that that was not the way it was designed.

Spiritually, was Adam not older than Eve ?

You want to use North America and Europe that are almost turning all the innocent kids to gays as a standard, why not also be raising your children to be gays and transgenders if you think everything western is right ?

It is not everything about our culture that is bad, infact as far as marriage is concerned African culture with regards to marriage is extremely better if followed properly than western culture on marriage.

But is there anywhere in the Bible where it said the husband must be older than the wife?

There's nothing common sense about it. It is the person's choice. They have weighed their options and looked at the pros and cons and decided to go ahead. It's not a crime, neither is it against the word of God.

Culture is good but we should know when to do away with archaic mindsets and practices. At least we are wearing clothes now

calgaryFriend:
I did not say the men have low self esteem, I asked the OP if he had low self esteem.
You guys are falling victim to fallacy of hasty generalization.

How does me asking OP if he has low self esteem equate to men who marry older women having low self esteem ?

Now to address the issue one last time, a man marrying an older woman in Nigeria of today will be seen as an anomaly, I dont understand how you guys are just ignoring that reality.

I see all of you saying marrying an older woman is not a big deal for an African are all women.

It adds up now.

@Op why are you planning to marry a lady older than you ?
Do you have issues with your self esteem ?


Even a child who is just learning English will see the relationship in this premises and your presumed assumption. No fallacy here. Don't try to play smart.

There's no problem if it seen as an anomaly as long it doesn't stop it from happening. Not everyone cares what others think. Some won't mention it to family to avoid prejudice.

Do you know how many men are married to older women? Not all of them will say it just to avoid issues. At least the family won't ask for her birth certificate.

Our major problem in Nigeria is that we don't mind our business. We make everything our business and try to poke our noses into matters that should not be our problem.

calgaryFriend:
@thebutterfly

Western men are more open to marrying older women or don't discriminate as much as Nigerian men do. Their maturity is one of the reasons western countries are lightyears ahead of Nigeria.

@the bolded, do you know how terrible divorce rate is in the western world ? I bet you do, so you should not be making these comparisms if you want to help your own case.

Having said that, you did not argue that our culture and even nature itself does not support men be younger than their wives. I want to believe your avoiding that point shows you agree.

Lastly, the OP is a Nigerian man, what percentage of Nigerian married men that you know are younger than their wives ?

I have said it , it happens but it is extremely rare, it is something alien to African culture for a man to be younger than his wives, and for your information, Africa has got a lower divorce rate that the western world.

The point is that an average Nigerian man refuses to advance in his thinking. They hold on to very archaic ways of thinking and doing things. This thinking comes with victimizing and being prejudiced towards anyone who goes against what they believe is the standard.

Thankfully, there are ones who have gone beyond the Nigerian mentality and shown that such limitations can be broken.

Sadly, this kind of thinking keeps us stuck in this failed country that refuses to advance like their counterparts.

Even with the village and backward thinking, there's still divorce here and there. Go to the customary courts and you will be shocked. So being myopic in our approach to marriage doesn't actually make our marriage institution in Nigeria better.

calgaryFriend:
I could literally picture the look on your face omg...
@Op why are you planning to marry a lady older than you ?
Do you have issues with your self esteem ?

Women generally need someone to look up to, if you marry someone at your level or older you might struggle except in some rare ocassions.

I dont know exactly what to tell you, but you may need to be a little more involved in church.

Even me wen I dey obodo oyinbo I still get women wen dey naija waiting on me, not to talk of you wen dey naija.

How do you come up with the conclusion that men who marry older women have self esteem issues? On the contrary, they have very high self esteem and confidence in themselves enough to go for a woman that is mature and not a much younger one that they can bully, bend to their will and boost their ego with.

Godfullsam:
Most of these our actresses and yeyebrities only survive on makeups.

See how ugly she looks without makeup.


SMH

Pregnancy is not kind to some women. The nose becomes massive, the face swollen, some become so dark in complexion. It's not really about makeup

viettastitches:
yes I do it. I actually take care of 3 kids and run a business. But only because I can't afford a help.

You run your own business, not a 9-5 on the Island and living on the mainland. At least it's more flexible for you. I don't have a maid also but I work on the Island and live on the mainland.

I am just worried that he doesn't infect you with anything with this his indiscriminate cheating.

That said, you don't need to take any nonsense he throws at you. He can boldly tell you that he's cheating means he doesn't have any regard for you. Please don't keep quiet about this. Don't die in silence.

Forget how he tries to paint it that it's not written in the Bible; what he is doing us absolutely wrong and goes against your vows to each other. He just wants to have his cake and eat it and will try to justify it.

If it were me, I would leave with my baby when next he travels and not care if he comes to look for me. I would focus on me and build a life with my child. One day his eyes will clear.

The decision to stay or leave is left to you .

ArticleBeast:
Well, it can happen but its rare...Anyway its not the end of the world. Infact cancer is worse than it.

Exactly. A good friend of mine is positive and she's married. She had a baby recently sef. It can be managed

ekesimo:
U re a lady. Check it out, do u think its possible

The calculation doesn't add up. However, there is room for any anomaly.

What is "when once"?

daewoorazer:

According to him, he had sex with his gf on the 4th and from what the girl said, she saw her period on the 4th of the previous month.


The emboldened shows after July 4th which was when she last saw her menses, they never had sex until 4th of August; if otherwise, OP will let us in the know....am I right OP?

Maybe op has forgotten the time during the month when he was begged to put on the tip inside

daewoorazer:
[color=#995500]
Naturally, the girl should have seen her period around 1st of August....if she didn’t see it till 4th, then MAYBE she has conceived and trying to force in your guy....

But it’s also possible menses come late,


My verdict is she has already conceived before meeting your guy....not 100 percent though but I’m 99% certain
[/color]

According to the op they didn't just meet. She's his gf. Seems he is in the habit of having raw sex, it's possible they had sex during the month of july after her period, probably during her ovulation period and now she's pregnant.

Kazeemakeem:
I mean it's real

Or you mean "Am I lying?"

Kazeemakeem:
Most time prostitute get married to nice man than religious lady because she satisfy her husband wella


Are my lying

What do you mean by "Are my lying"?

Martinez39:
No I did not. Can you name one person that attacked her?

You mean I am supposed to have the name of the people that attacked her? How? Check the threads on their breakup

That 20k teaching job will not even improve your cv or value in any way. Except you intend to build a career in teaching, just walk away.

It sounds like the typical supposed private school that just keep using you.

Juliet they are all here o; the attackers . They are all on Nairaland. Na their work be that

Martinez39:
Lol. Who is against women here? Are you not among the gender that has the privilege of being believed without evidence during rape accusations?

Are you one of those that blamed and attacked her?

Because they are dull and slow. I wouldn't have even taken any guy that asked for nudes seriously. I had more sense than to set myself up.

madridguy:
Your neighbor is like one of my uncles wife, she cannot carry or play with her own kids.

My little observation, when next she come to your door with her kids, just tell her you're busy and when you're free you will call for them. This is very simple.

Just like mine too. She was living on the same street. She would just send someone to drop the kids at the door and run. When we started taking the kids back and doing same, she got the memo.

You need to talk about it with him, get over how you feel and be a good wife to the person you pledged your love to. Regardless of how you are feeling now, I am sure you didn't get married under duress or at gunpoint.

So please stop frustrating yourself and that young man and making him feel guilt for marrying you at the point he did. You can either suck it up and decide to enjoy your marriage or quit. But just make a decision and put your husband and yourself out of misery.

Apologies but your wife is a hopeless and unrepentant cheat. She has a wandering eye and it's apparent that she is not willing to change. She's so deep into the cheating that it will take some divine intervention for her to quit.

You have two choices. You try to change her and live it if she doesn't change or you leave the marriage.

So she is a zombie that cannot say "NO". From the way the guy's eyes look sef, one has to decode.

It's an irrelevant post by the blogger. Guys that think that way are the minority. In the real world, men have more sense and respect. Forget all these ones that hide behind their keyboards and itemize and disrespect women with their narrow minded posts.

Trex4:
What Is Bad Bro What Of My Due 500 Naira. You're Not Talking About That

You would have told her that it's trade by barter

He should have told her that the food, drink, etc was fore-play.

ityP:
If it was the lady doing that, all hell won't break loose. You think women too, don't have their idiosyncrasies that men manage. If, of all the problems in your home, you choose to focus on your husband's addiction to mamaput Ewa, then be prepared to end the marriage anytime soon

It's something to worry about because it's annoying that my food is constantly shenked for mama put. It's not only cheating that causes issues in marriage. There should be a limit to everything. And he should be able to put his cravings under control and discipline his body jare. Once in a while, I do mama put too not like this one

nextstep:
Haba no need for all that. Since it might be a hassle to go out and buy it everytime, just buy a week's worth of beans and keep in freezer. Somebody knows what he likes and is asking for it (and I'm assuming it's part of the house budget)... why make him feel bad about it?

I won't indulge such behaviour. If it's something that is once in a while, it's understandable. But not that often like he has been jazzed.

If it was the lady that was doing that, all hell would have broken loose. Even your comment would be different.

Dollarseeker:
madam u did something, tell us what u did. or you did something u think he doesn't know about but he is aware of. Hope you are not cheating on him?

She did something that makes him take a holiday three weeks in a month?

Ahmed0336:
Those bashing her then without knowing the cause of their break up shebi una dey see? Slim you did great admitting your wrongs.

They are always quick to label the woman. The same way they have labelled and blamed Ik Ogbonna's wife. Immature guys on this forum