₦airaland Forum

Blazing12345:
True talk, most of us have broken family today because of this same problem. Your paternal family hate your mother and maybe drove her away with the kids and these kids grows up and have a wife and children and the mother will drive her away with her kids and the circle continues. Then tomorrow we turn around to blame the society for the way the society is. We are all to blame. The friend's daughter the want the said son to marry might not even be better than the one they hate.

But they still don't see it. My brother's MIL tormented her daughter for wanting to marry my brother. She said our village is far. Our soups are "ewekewe"(full of vegetables). No real reason. She would even come and fight my brother.

My mum on the other hand hardly blinked. She didn't get involved. Today they are married with kids and her mum has traveled to our state countless times. Mothers just try to rule their kid's life and it's sad

Mk12:
not only guys. girls also want mummy to say yes
it is not only young boys. you see mature men leaving a lady because their family did not accept her. it not entirely their fault. some parents started running their kids life from when they were little and didn't know when to stop. to some parents after secondary school, you are responsible for your life decisions. from the school you want to attend, your career choice and any other decision. they are only likely to step in if you are associating with dangerous friends or becoming Stupid with the freedom.

my dad use to say he doesn't want us to be just another version of him . he want us to be better than him.
and he also use to say I don't want anyone to say, if not because of my parents, I won't have made this bad choice.

Any parent that still wants to run an adult's life is lacking something in their own lives. A lot of African parents are guilty of running their children's lives till the point of picking a life partner. And the unsuspecting kids go with it like zombies without their own plans for their lives

Blazing12345:
you see wetin I mean. Na this same girls wey no good for marriage today go still turn mother in law tomorrow and go still want chose wife for their pikin them. So the circles continue.

This is what most people here fail to see. They are just blinded by "mother knows best". Actually they don't. God knows best.

frozen70:
OK, I get you now.

Just tell him politely that you don't like going there to buy that beans for him

It is now left for him to go himself, send someone or stop combining the food with it

You have a case, but your presentation will determine the outcome

Naah! I will tell him plain and simply that he's a "long throat" and is not satisfied with food cooked at home that he has to keep buying beans outside.

I will tell him that I pray it purges him and gives him food poisoning so that he will control his hunger for outside food.

macho44:
Ain't no bond that can compare to that which exists between mother & child. It's stronger than Strong. The mother was only looking out for her son, and I can bet you she saw something in the young lady which made her not to loose guard. Just so you know, nothing kills a man faster than a bad wife/woman.

If that's the only part you choose to believe, that's fine.

frozen70:
Hmmm, just take it calm there is no big deal about buying it for him

If you are reacting like this for a mere food in buka, how will you react if you discover he has another woman outside you ❓

Will you push him out or pin him down to you ❓

Let me put into perspective. I come back from work, prepare rice and stew for dinner, bath and feed our child and then he says "go and buy beans for me from iya sikira"? :DHow? In which area?

People should drop some funny baggage before they get married. Not all wives will take such nonsense. Let him call family meeting and report me

frozen70:
That's a wrong approach, you don't have to detect his taste or choice of food for him

If he likes a particular food from the bukar, that doesn't mean he doesn't like your cooking

He would have to go buy it himself then. Because I won't indulge him. There's a thin line between being submissive and being a doormat

suckmyPENIS:
I had a running subscription

Dial star 140. I just noticed mine when I saw this thread

Mk12:
bringing girls you are dating to your parents is old fashion. she is allowed to visit and maybe greet them but not to the extent of having a lengthy conversation with them.
I always tell my mum when I am ready for marriage, their opinion is not important in any girl I choose to marry. they should just give their blessings and allow me live with her.

they are meant to train me to make the right choice not choose for me

They will not hear on this forum. To them, mummy must say yes. It makes me believe it's the very young boys we have here

GogobiriLalas:
My brother's wife was roundly hated by all of us, not for any sin she committed, just that we felt our brother could do better; my Mum was the ringleader, she mobilized all of us to roundly despise the girl, but she failed to reckon with the girl's resolve.

Slowly, surely, with humility, patience, love, kindness and flattery she won every one of us over to her side...today if my brother dare do anything to her, I personally will be the first to punch him in the face and my Mum will definitely skin him alive.

Lovely.

I wish people on this forum will open their minds to the possibility of a conspiracy by a mum without any fault from the wife to be.

All they can allow their minds to believe is that a mum always wants the best for her children

Spectrum22:
She probably does not like the boy's mother but tries to gather sympathy by claim the woman hates her.

After marriage, this girl will definitely call her mother-in-law a witch. Na dia way.

The way you guys twist things ehn and add your own story is amazing

fredrickmyers:
abi ooo... See op every mother wants d best for their child/ren and most especially d males,mothers do d overall sampling for male child wen it comes to picking a woman for themselves, proper examination is been carried out, ur attitude, mode of dressing, how u deliver yr answer wen asked a question,y do want to b with their son regardless d situation etc..and mind u women can hardly hide their attitude no matter how composed they are, they end up falling off d cliff,women can smell deceit from afar.. How much more wen u r a woman like them..see if a mother accept u as their daughter in law.. Every other member of d family can lick balls for all I care.. U win.. Mothers are d power room.. Don't joke with them... So check ursef op..

Thankfully, this is not always the case especially for a man that has a mind of his own and doesn't play puppet in his mother's hands.

Mothers are not spirits or God that knows it all. They also make mistakes and a wise child should know when to put a foot down.

Why do you think mums don't have that much hold over their daughter's decision? Because they are women also and can see through their mother's plight. But the men tend to be gullible when it comes to mummy.

macho44:
Every mother wants the best for her kids, especially when it comes to picking a life partner. Perhaps you should look at this issue from that angle.

Remember that she was once a young girl and would have frowned at her own MIL interfering.

A mother wants the best for her kids but she should know when to draw the line. Perhaps if she did a good job in bringing them up, she would leave them and trust them to make their decisions instead of still "babying" them even as grown men.

NiggasInParis:
This suppose to be a very engaging and reasonable thread but from the replies I have seen in over 3 Pages I have to conclude two things :

Nairaland is dead and not what it used to be.

Or

Nigerian youths are becoming dumber and loosing intellect.

I think it is the latter.

Battle of the dumbest.

micxwell:
Many a times a guy's ability to make good and sound decisions will determine the extent to which his mother or older/younger siblings can influence his decisions. When your people know you for making decisions that often turn out badly, your opinion of a woman holds no water *I don't want to go down the spiritual route for now*. What the mother thinks of her son is quite important too here.

As a man, if your mum and younger siblings have to make decisions for you, there is something definitely wrong somewhere. A mother can advise but should not impose.

See I have so many instances and cases around me obviously because most of my friends, cousins, siblings are married. Even my own case that my MIL was proving stubborn because of church denomination.

It seems my mum was a unicorn or just not the average interfering type. She would tell you that you can marry any tribe you want. She would advise you but not impose. She always said that when you choose your spouse yourself, you will work out your issues yourself but if she tries to influence your decision, you will bring every single issue that comes up to her. And that is not how to live.

My point is that a child should know when their mum's interference is unreasonable. Usually the female children figure it out and fight it but the males are too blinded by "mother's love" to figure it out.

PUSSYHOE:
Under normal circumstances would you accept a bad thing for your son? if no case closed!

Under normal circumstances, I won't try to blackmail or manipulate my son over his choice of a life partner. I will advise and give my opinion. The final decision will be left to him. That's how my mum did. No interference whatsoever.

PUSSYHOE:
In his mum's eyes he is still her child.

Now this is what you don't understand, there is difference between complaint and rejection, if the mother complain there is always room for attitude adjustment but when she rejects especially on first meeting even if the girl is my soul mate, missing rib i aint gonna marry her.

In his mum's eyes, he's still a child. And that might affect his decisions as a man if he continues to go with it. A man should find a balance especially when it comes to a life partner.

A childhood friend of mine had to put his foot down. His mum was against his wife to be because she's a different tribe and he's her first son. Infact she had a friend's daughter she wanted to hook her son with. The mum was so adamant but he did something very drastic because he believed in his heart that the babe was the one.

He told his mum that this was the girl he had chosen to spend the rest of his life with and he won't change his mind. He said his mum didn't have to attend the wedding. They would go ahead, send her pictures and come back for her blessings later.

They got married o and she attended. They are still married. I won't even go into how she still tried to come in between them after they got married.

What you should understand is that mothers are human beings and not spirits(me inclusive). They could act irrationally and try to have their way.

PUSSYHOE:
Only a woman can psychoanalyze another woman and come close to a perfect conclusion. If i take a girl home i am eager to hear my mum's view than dad's, afterall a woman can easily manipulate a man into doing her bidding, but can't in most cases her fellow woman.

You are quite right. It's just that some mothers interfere too much in their children's lives and try to make choices for them out of their own selfishness or limited knowledge or exposure.

A child should know how to balance the mum's advice and his personal choice. Afterall, he's a man and should be able to take decisions that affect his future

You too carriying plate and going to buy the beans sef is adding to the problem.

I can't cook and then he would send me to go buy food. If he can't eat what I cook or tell me what is wrong with it, he should either cook his food or go and buy the roadside food himself.

If it's a guy that is attached to his mum, you should start stepping back because the mum will eventually win.

All you guys concluding that she must be at fault. Are you guys saying the guys mum is so perfect that she cannot be getting involved because of her own selfish interests...tribe, etc.

I just love my friend's case. He gave in to his tough mum's constant wahala about his choice of a wife. Now she and the babe no dey see eye to eye. Who does she now want to blame?

ubunja:
form the legs, form the torso, and I'll form the head. .
You remember when the space ships were combining?

I used to like that part "And I'l form da head"

I don't care about ubunja and his "un-educations". I am more worried for you.

Usually started with muppet babies.

I used that box in boarding school and suwé was an interesting pastime

OKorowanta:
Life..
Oshiomole married that beautiful mamiwater from Eritrea and the marriage is still waxing strong,Ned Nwoko also harvested Regina from the market because they are billionaires.
Bitches even said there is no word as ugly billionaires.
Just because my guy no dey rich to keep the Colombian goddess,she don pick race.
To think out of these three men,he is the only one as handsome as an unexpected Christmas bonus,makes it more pitiful.
Poverty you be fool!
Tufiakwa!

How are you sure this is the case?

dominique:
Poverty has done a number on some people's brains Sha. So she should have used them to inconvenience others abi? Some people will pack children and start looking to strangers to place them on their laps. If you refuse now, they'll start carrying face, some will be cursing. If you can afford to sit comfortably with your kids in a public bus, don't hesitate to do so. Both your children and the strangers in the bus deserve their comfort.

I really frown at the bolded. People expect you to lap their kids and if you don't, they start reacting as if they brought the extra laps from their house

pocohantas:
31yrs of dating?

That must be an ancestor.

Or did he start from his mother's womb?

Whatever made him not to marry the other ladies in his 31 years of dating must go beyond their inability to serve him breakfast o.

31yrs?

He's an evening newspaper

LadySarah:
Yes,both of us doand we are in Nigeria,both working too.

I do too. I just wanted to get another person's experience. How do you do when school is on holiday like now?

If you want to take her in, treat her like your younger sister. Don't leave all the work for her. Be involved in the chores too.

If she were your sister, you could probably leave all the chores and cross your legs. But you need to be more mindful with in-laws so that it won't be taken as slavery.

Always talk to your husband about any issues. Tell him your concerns about her coming to stay. So that if it turns out badly, he would know you mentioned it.

The decision about taking her in still lies with you and your husband.

LadySarah:
She is young pls.At first it will be sweet then when it starts getting sour,You will regret.Those three things You mentioned means nothing to You but at her age,Its a burden.

Hmm,i really wish You watched your home yourself.Why do You really need her since your baby stays at the creche.While coming back You bring him,do ur chores and Go to sleep,cook bulk on weekends and let Dh help You while he can.

But If he insistsooo,let her come.when the childishness starts irritating both of you,You will Come and tell us .

Do you do this? I mean doing all the house chores and take care of your child without any help whatsoever.

ozento:
olosho woman. e dey her body. she'is nt ready to settle down at all.

Why the woman? Is it not possible it's the guy? Why so quick to attack the woman

Marriage is so much more than physical appearance