₦airaland Forum

PrimadonnaO:
Errmm... Am I the only one who seems to have a different understanding of what the conversation was all about?

First off, his curt replies were uncool... until I read further and saw that he was already pissed about what you did.

From the conversation, I deduce that your boyfriend's grouse with you is that you don't seem free enough with him.

I mean, you're his girlfriend...y'all have been together for four years, so he expects that at this stage you should be super comfy with him... free to say or ask anything of him. Instead you're still acting all guarded and formal. Just look at all your analysis before... barely because you want to ask him for money.

He sees it as pride... and it sees it as you failing to recognise what you are to him...and to act accordingly.

Interestingly, I think I'm like you in certain ways. I really find it difficult to ask. I can whine for Africa, to outrightly ask? Big deal.

Regardless, his disrespect towards her is justified.

From what I see, this guy doesn't respect or regard you. You seem more into the relationship than he is. He hung up on you and you are still the one who called to beg him. Babe you need to have some respect for yourself so that people will respect you. What you take now, you will have to accept it for life.

Djbond:
Over the time, I've noticed that my 1 year and 2 months old daughter does not want me to carry her or stay with me. Anytime she wakes up, and maybe her mom is outside doing some house chores she will start crying even waking me up with her loud cries, I always try to pet her but she never stops and cries until she sees her mother.

Sometimes if her mother is going to the toilet or anywhere, she will start crying and I try to pet her but still same thing. Now I'm wondering if she's truly my blood because if she is, she wouldn't be acting like that regardless of saying she's still a baby.


Also, is it possible that I'm black, her mother is black and we give birth to a fair baby cos that's the situation on ground now.
There isn't any black color on her skin

House pls, has anyone ever experienced this or is it normal cos I'm getting tired already.

It's giving me serious concerns.

Some questions should be asked...what kind of husband and father are you? Do you spend quality time with your wife and daughter ñ? Do you help around the house especially with your baby? You don't need to do much to bond with a child especially when the child is living with you.

shitshappen:
My drycleaner was around the other Saturday and marvelled at the fact that it was just me alone with my daughter watching her cartoons and dancing to the tunes. He complained of the same thing the OP is complaining of and I gave him this same advice.

These children have minds of their own and can always tell

It's not rocket science. You cannot be unavailable physically and emotionally to the child and expect closeness.

Good job with your daughter. So many men like to absorb themselves of too much involvement with the excuse that's it's a woman's job. When the child now clings to the mum alone, they complain and start assuming the worst.

She should have at least allowed her into the house first. But who knows? She may be a known trouble maker and home breaker for the wife to outrightly refuse her entry.

shitshappen:
I have a one year eight months daughter who will rather stay with me than her mom. But I also noticed that some time slots are reserved for her mother ONLY. Like when she wakes up in the morning, like when she comes back from school hungry and when she wants to sleeps. Babies have needs and they warm up to the one who provide those needs.
As for me I'm her playmate( all things being equal), and comforter when she's sick, hurt, or feeling vulnerable.

My advice is warm her heart, be sincere in your interest ( children know when an interest is sincere), be more observant so as to read her hints and body language. And finally don't push it and never give up. Make yourself more available

I have not forgotten all the blows and kicks I received from my little one for attempting to pacify her in the middle of the nights, especially when she was still sucking.
Which is understandable because I don't have boobs

If not that my daughter is 3months older than yours, I would have said you are my husband...lol. It's only when she wakes up hungry at night that it's "mummy" because she somehow believes I am in charge of her food.

My husband comes down to her level when they play. It's a joy to watch them. She's very free with him and I can go out and leave her in his care. Children are simple to bond with. If you don't spend time with them, it will show.

Except you don't trust your wife, it should have nothing to do with DNA. Some kids are very close to adults who aren't their parents. It's the way they communicate with them and play with them.

Children are simple. Just spend quality time with them, feed them, bath them, play with them and you are good. My daughter is 1 year plus and she is in love with her dad. But he's actually very involved with her. He baths her, plays ball with her, he carries her around if he's stepping out even up to going to put on the generator. She cherishes those times...just generally spending time with her.

Some fathers are more of the disciplinary figure and it makes the kids run away from them. If you are the one always saying "don't do that" "stop that", etc, they won't be free with you.

If you are doing all this and she is still only clinging to her mum, you might just need to keep bonding with her. But if you haven't been bonding with her and you are already accusing your wife of infidelity, then there's a big problem.

doitforyou:
lol, I have learned a lot time ago on NL that being called "dumb" by these people is actually a compliment.

Hmmmm. Words on marble.

So are you saying that you are not "smart, observant and exposed"?

No matter how smart you think you are...

In 10 years, you are going to look back and realize your ignorance.

And then it will happen again, and again, and again.

Stay humble.

- Charles Miller

XhosaNostra:
Here, take it back.

Are you for or against the xenophobic attacks in SA?

1StopRudeness:
I guess u are right.. there’s more confidence and energy when hiding behind keypads to insult and drop derogatory comment since no one can catch anyone

You gerrit

1StopRudeness:
Is it not the same boiz that come in line and type these stuff u also see on the street...??

It is fully manifested and displayed on Nairaland.

1StopRudeness:
this is hilarious....are u sure u will make heaven?
Nigerian girls have surfferre in the hands of Nigerian boiz..


It’s the economy, no one wants to sleep with their fathers mate, it’s disgusting... ..

On Nairaland

That's why we see so many mummy's boys around even on this forum. A grown man will tell you he needs to get his mother's consent for everything.

I just laugh when I see such men-boys. As for mother's turning their kids against their dad, it's a character flaw from the mum and as the child grows, he or she should be able to see through the mother's plight though some are blinded by "she carried me for 9 months" "she sacrificed her life and destiny for me" blah blah blah. Women have the gift of manipulation and a child is not above that manipulation.

A child should be allowed to form his/her own opinion of the father without bias from the mum. And a mother should learn to put aside her hatred and bitterness and let the children bond with their dad too. There should be no competition.

IamPlato:
So After Your Whole probably Assumption Theory you Now Need Dr. Ubunja to Tell You If You Are Alright or Not.


Come Closer Let Me Remove Something From Your Brain..

To validate it and back him.

philip0906:
Lol...Valid!

I would have said same , many years back when I was pretty much inexperienced with relationships.

But one of the things I've learnt over the years as I explored sexually and with relationships I got to understand what I want in a woman. Sexual attraction is key for me. I have dated good girls, damn beautiful but I killed the relationship as I just couldn't get to love them---one major reason was I was not even attracted to them.

My current babe is Bi-sexual, we have been in a toxic on and off relationship since January, but we just can't let go of each other . I am strongly sexually attracted to her and she is to me. We have mind blowing sex and do the wildest of things. We have gotten to understand each other and she's a strong headed person---though she's a sweet soul. She is not your definition of a good girl, but she loves me deeply & I do love her too. I can't even believe, we are already talking about settling down together.

Different strokes for different folks.

It's a different cup of tea when it comes to marriage. Sustaining a marriage takes much more than mind blowing sex and sexual attraction.

roaringlamb01:
Lol... Very easy for you to speak. Did I send them away because I wanted to be "pretty and wicked"? What a way to put it.

Yes, i wanted to be pretty and wicked to a people who are overstaying their welcome, a people who don't even greet me in the morning or evening, or are not useful to me , my wife or my kids. Or who didn't deem it necessary to discuss with me about staying 2 more months (not 3 extra weeks, pls read well ...). It is my house, not their sister's. How can I allow my kids to continue to see such behavior?

Lol. Providence... Continue. Providence is not stupidity.


Lol. Na wa o. Unceremoniously throw out?! They went back to their parent's home, after 5wks of supposed visitation. Talking like i throw out on the street.

How do people stay in your house and not greet you? That is really unacceptable and I would have addressed it immediately.

Accomodating inlaws should be a choice and not an imposition or emotional blackmail. Don't let other people's ideas about family/inlaws make you feel like you did the wrong thing. Everyone deserves his/her space and peace.

UjuJoan2:
Did you send them away because you really couldn't afford it, or because you just want to be pretty and wicked?

You already housed them for 5weeks, 3 extra weeks would have not killed you.

Life is all about giving consessions and making compromises. Sometimes you have to bend to accommodate people, not because you have no choice, but because you want to.

If it were me, I will let them stay the two months before sending them away. And then I will make it clear that they will no longer be allowed.

I would do this not for in-laws, or for my wife (or husband), but for Providence, who has it possible that I will in the position to offer this kind of help to someone else.

The world is very small and tomorrow is not that far away. I wonder how those boys you unceremoniously threw out of your house will feel about you now.

He has no obligation to keep them. They already spent five weeks instead of two weeks. Personally, I don't like when people overstay their welcome or take advantage. Everything should be done in moderation, consideration and with respect for everyone's space and pocket.

Some people may enjoy having crowd around while some do not. And they should not be blamed for it. Afterall, it's their home and they should be able to decide who comes to stay in it and for how long.

[quote author=PeacenLove2 post=81863520][/quote]But these ones are not like the young people of those days. These ones can't greet, they probably don't do chores. They just want to watch tv, surf the net and eat. They are of no use and benefit in the house...just extra baggages

Small080:
Like seriously, I don't know what wrong with now are days ladies.....
You ask for my money and I give you, I give you my time... Please what can you offer me except sex? Eh

Maybe because "now are days" guys cannot speak English.

Jacqueline22:
Na wa oo
Everytime ladies this and that
Ain’t you guys tired of bashing women? Please you guys should not come for me.. I don’t have strength to fight biko.

It's an obsession. Just get used to it.

And it's mostly just bark and no bite

This must be a hard question for the guys. For me, bad character is worse than sexual "unattraction".

A person with bad character is like a ticking bomb.

A person with a bad character is a recipe for disaster.

No peace of mind, no respect. And I think the primary need of a man is respect even before sex. A woman with a bad character will disrespect her husband and with time, that sexy body will become repulsive.

Martinez39:
Na so.

This lacks sense. Defence of "logical-emotional"? What the hell does this mean? Arguments will always be logical, stupid or emotional. Nothing new can be tried. Sorry.

It doesn't have to make sense to you as long as I know what I mean.

Martinez39:
Hahahahahaha . Typical woman. Reducing logical arguments to emotional ones of who is broke and frustrated and who is not. You attempted this in your earlier post but I ignored. Now, do you have any better? Is that the best you can do? Women. If I say that I don't expect much intellectually from your gender on issues like this, you will call me a misogynist. Typical woman.

Easy to say. In this case, you won't see it coming. Beside, he has the receipt and could charge you with theft so what can you do after he has taken it back? Also, this is Nigeria.

In case you have not noticed, I don't have the time to start dissecting your comments and arguing back and forth.

I only noticed how you seem to crying more than the bereaved. The op will still do what he wants. And if he collects the phone back, all well and good.

But this Nl guys defence of "logical-emotional" is getting stale. Try something new and legit

Yet we have people...even on this forum fighting for and arguing over one party, politician or the other.

I went for my friend's wedding. The reception was in the church building and the Priest(Anglican) was the chairman of the wedding. My friend didn't put these details into consideration when contracting a DJ. The chairman kept standing up to ask the dj to change the songs. That no "unchristian" song will be played.

Unfortunately for them, oga dj didn't have any gospel song for the couple to dance to. Someone had to transfer a song to the dj and he played that song back to back. When it ends, it starts again. It was quite annoying but they had to handle the consequences of their decision.

With the trend of disrespectful and immature boys parading themselves as men, ladies need to be careful before they enter one chance.

Martinez39:
Whether he feels right or not collecting it, he MUST collect it.

It's not just a gift. It a sacrifice of love that can only be easily made if you think there is something genuine between you and your significant other. Once you, like the op, realize that there was nothing genuine all along, the sacrifices were all for nothing and you were being used. It's therefore right to recoup the losses.

If he can collect the money in any other way and get away with it, he is justified. If he can't, he should count the painful loss and move on. This is what when society, the media and romance novels brainwash boys with the illusion called 'love[b]'. The op must collect that phone back. If he can't, he must find a way to ruin it.[/b]

This thing is paining you more than the op infact Money might not be "chooking" his body the way it is doing you. Sha take it easy.

If I am the girl, and I want to prove stubborn, I will ask that we go to court. That will solve the matter because it will be seen as a case of an aggrieved lover.

Spectrumzeee:
This is not a licence to cheat.Besides sex,there are emotional attachments u share with a woman.

My wife and I slept on d same bed everyday for seven years until she traveled and suddenly am alone.All to myself and my wife is just concerned about her life in Australia.

No expression of emotions or anything close.
Not all about sex please.

I assume it was a joint agreement for her to go. The problem came when the immigration laws were changed which was not her fault or yours. Please think about the greater good and benefits and not about how you feel right now.

The pain of discipline and the pain of regret...you must choose one. We all have the ability to resist and "hold body" because we are supposed to be in control of our bodies and not the other way round.

You got away with the 1st round of cheating. It might hook your throat the next time. But it's still your choice.

Martinez39:
The empty bottle has no value. What will he do with an empty bottle? It's right and okay for him to collect his iPhone back. Beside, as a female, cheat and slut, it natural that you favour the narrative that collecting back the gifts is childish. Afterall, when you are caught, you would be happy if the mugu that thinks he is your boyfriend doesn't collect back the expensive gifts he gave you. Watch how your fellow farm tools and ladies will flood this thread telling the op that he is childish if he collects the phone.

If a guy buys a Benz and iPhone for the lady that he loves and he discovers that she has been fvcking another guy, he should collect the Benz and iPhone. He didn't buy it for other ladies and wouldn't have but he bought it for his gf as a sacrifice of love and didn't mind. Now that he has discovered that the sacrifices were all for nothing and were mere wastage and he was being used, he must collect his gifts to recoup his wastage.

I was just saying.

Cheating is unacceptable and if a guy will feel better retrieving his gift especially if it's something that shook his bank account, it's his choice.

Though I think a gift shouldn't be retrieved after a misunderstanding or whatever. For you to give someone something, it means it's something you can let go off. Taking is back after an issue seems to me like trying to lick your wounds and getting back at the person.

What if he had given her like 2million to pay for something and the money was already exhausted, what would he have done? That's why relationships are risks. He wasn't under duress or forced to give her the gift.

So if you bought her a perfume for her and she has used it, will you collect the remaining back or the empty bottle?

The grass seems greener at the other side. How are you sure she is better than your babe? Because an old flame resurfaced, now your gf is too slender. Well done