₦airaland Forum

ubunja:
you see how easy you let things that do not concern you trouble you??
They are coming. Send a pic when you get pregnant.

I am not ready for another baby now

ubunja:
she wants men to go make a good life then after that they, the women, will start troubling the man and his good life. Smh. That manipulation is so old.

So sex is more important than making a good living for themselves?

zexy2030:
if u had read the article, u wouldn't complain.
men talk sex, women talk money, players get the women with money while nice guys get the players leftovers... summary.
I'm so sure right now if u r a feminist or independent lady, believe me you r currently dating a player.. and if u have been played over and over, then u must by now be thinking of marriage with ur fiancé(the nice guy)..

So now you are the article reading detective that you assume I didn't read it? Ok.

Hmmm...I won't say I am your regular girl and I have not really given feminism much attention. But one thing that worked for me was not wasting my time in a relationship once I could see that a guy was trying to play me. Moving on was my strength.

I didn't marry "the nice guy", I married my close friend

ubunja:
its not for you. It's for men who want to have sex with you.

I see. Please teach them let them come

Why did you have 2:2 giving your uncle an excuse not to help?

Risingphoenix12:
Well.. well.. well...how time flies....

Its been about 18months or so since i started this journal (i think). Final judgement at the court is scheduled to be delivered in about 2 weeks. Interestingly, my ex and I seem to have developed a decent relationship, with mutual respect. The kids come over to my apartment from time to time, spend weekends etc.. and we reinforce each other's instructions. I attend activities at my kids school, as much as i can. I'm not complaining. I sincerely believe the divorce was the best decision for both of us. Though, the side glances from people when they hear you are divorced can be unsettling. lol.

One thing this process has taught me is never be judgemental about others. Everyone has a deeper inner struggle. Live and let live. Like my mom says, "Life is a mystery"

To those who are yet to be married, be circumspect... dont manage anybody oh... i would advise marrying someone you are willing to "die" for. The future is pregnant with positive vibes, dont miss out on it

Marriage itself is a mystery. And you are right about getting married for the right reasons...not for riches, out of pity, good looks, etc. Because sooner rather than later, all that will fade away and we might have nothing to fall back on.

Judging is a very dangerous thing to do. And people do it so easily. That's why I always say "never say never".

Hope you recover just fine and adjust to your new status. And do not make the same mistake again because to stumble twice on the same stone is a proverbial disgrace. .

Sex sex sex...man shall not live by sex alone.

They should rather channel their energy to creating a good life and future instead of plotting how to bed a lady.

Too much profanity in one article. I was literally twitching.

Well, it's the past. How is your past? Did you also spill? But the problem is the present...the fact that she still wants to hang out with them. What for? Let her keep the past in the past.

Hidemyface:
It's like you've gone through this situation before. I guess it's my cross to bear as one of them (elder brother) is now having suicidal thoughts that I had to keep and minimize my complains and things I don't like. Ever since I left the business for him to manage and get his footing since he wants to have a family, he has been struggling. The younger one I used most of my saving on for his tertiary education is still trying to get a job but hustling in his own way but still dependent. I just tire cos I can't live for me and even think about settling down cos automatically they'd need to give me space. Looking back at the way I struggled to survive and work for the family, I don't know if they think I had it easy or inherited what I presently have. Whenever I go broke or things get hard, it's between me and God for help cause can't depend on anyone. Mentally I am tired so I don't even need any other stress hence I keep off ladies that don't even know my battles but want me to fight another battle of keeping the relationship even when I try.
I pray things works out the way I'm planning so I just settle everyone to go find their destiny so I can face my live rather than having adults policing my progress even when I don't feel like revealing my present position. Now extended family and friends are knocking. I just tell them I don't have cause I need to plan for myself hence I've gone off social media. Sometimes, people think the reason I smile a lot is cause I have it all good and perfect but nope, deep down my cross is heavy but I choose to smile and be source strength to others. That's why any chance that presents itself for me to forget my pains, be it party or hanging out, I try to loose myself and make the most of it.
It is well.

I really feel your struggles but most people will see as being selfish and not wanting to help your own family. It is the same entitlement mentality that they complain about.

You are not under any obligation to settle them but it is out culture that imprisons us with this idea.

I haven't actually gone through this situation. I am last child with 5 elder ones but I know what it means for people to overstay their welcome. I don't even like sleeping over at my siblings place. None of my siblings do either. They visit and go or spend one night.

I just hate to feel like I am inconveniencing anyone because I like my space and I don't like to deprive others of theirs too.

You need to be diplomatic in the way you handle it. If it was possible to be transferred to another state, that would be good. So that you can leave the house for them.

I wish you the best. You need it

ubunja:
nah you girls hate truth. Go to that Miseducation entitled "Game Of Emotions' and see what it's about. Just male-female comparisons. Even the thread entitled "Guys Are Like That, Girls Are Like This", it's just comparisons and you people freak out.

Hell 90% of my writings just pull the curtain and give guys a glimpse of how women really are. Facts you can't even speak up to deny or confirm. You just go mute. And my readers see I'm right.

It's like you don't like it when someone lays bare female nature. Well like I told someone two years ago, the Miseducations are here and all hell is gonna break loose.

Peace.

I read some and I am amused. I don't freak out because it doesn't alter my life in any way. Besides, I choose the arguments I want to engage in.

It is your sister's choice. But a man should have a job before he thinks of getting married. Marriage is not the most important thing.

More pictures indeed. Post it here

ubunja:
you are one of the few ladies on NL I know who don't hate me too much

But you only like it coz it's discouraging men from knocking your teeth out hey

Lol I am just one that says what I feel without mincing words or trying to suck up to anyone.

I like the piece because for once, it was void of your perceived hatred for women

Lol...I have my hubby's password and I use his phone at anytime. I am not even the type that snoops. But for him is total and full disclosure and I don't password my phone.

A lot of people want to eat their cake and have it.

When all you see is negative, you better remain single.

So I must go to my man's village or he will dump me. He better dump me if visiting his village is that big a deal

A piece by Ubunja that I actually like. Nice one

Splinz:


And every male on earth doesn't cheat?

The problem with threads like this is that it is bereft of even commonsense, reeks of hypocrisy or selective ignorance.

These guys have refused to grow up with all these their senseless threads about women.

After many of them have dated cheap girls and slept with commercial workers, they come and start viewing all women through their distorted vision.

Guys pleaseeeee mature!!

Unintelligent conclusions.

Let's open up our minds to critical thinking before making unfounded and unverified statements.

Hidemyface:
OK seh! But this your Bible quote no be for this mata and I want my mother to start enjoying the fruit of her labor.

So how far? Have they gone or they are still occupying your house?

Iceblockbabe:
Most ppl won't understand what this man is passing through. In my own case, I have my elder brother staying with me for a long time now. The worst part of it is that he doesn't contribute to anything in the house. He lives "i don't care kind of life". No contribution to house rent, nepa bill and a lots more. And I don't even know how to tell him to find his own apartment this guy works and is over 33. I need advise ohhh

He will bring in his wife and kids and live with you.

LordKO:
The truth is that most people, especially on this forum, would definitely not understand your stance and longing either because of ignorance or pretense. To people under this category, it will take only acts of either or both servility and self-slavery (continual self-sacrifices) from you towards their interest (your siblings are their interest in this regard) to be considered human and good enough. Unfortunately, they're usually hypocrisy personifies, loyalty (your loyalty) - which is the best thing one can offer another - can never be enough to them. Kindly don't allow anyone to ruin you.

Create boundaries. Advancement in age always comes with manifestations of individuals ethical leanings. And, believe you me that two adults who don't share the same ethical leanings can never live together harmoniously - it doesn't matter whether the adults in this regard are siblings or has mutual affection for each other or used to be best of friends. At best they'll be living as frenemies which means superficiality will become the order of the day. Closeness doesn't automatically mean oneness just as independence doesn't automatically mean absence of thoughtfulness. Once more, I say create boundaries to prevent constant bickering or living together as frenemies. Yet, never forget to be both thoughtful and conscientious towards them at all times.

Small-minded people tend to use a scenario like yours to substantiate the erroneous postulation by them also, that Africans tend to more beneficent/accommodating towards their extended families than the Westerners do towards theirs. Balderdash. What's true is that while majority in the latter group are realnesss personifies the majority in the former group are superficiality personifies (suffering/bitter and smiling).

Small-minded people don't know that peace - inner peace - is the most treasured possession in the world. And that one who isn't in charge of his privacy, dominion and dignity can never possess it. Never maintain closeness with someone you don't share same ethical leanings with, because oneness can never be achieved in such association. Closeness without oneness breeds toxicity.

People won't understand because they are squatting with a sibling and feel entitled to the help and have refused to go and start on their own. When he gets married, they will start fighting the wife and bearing grudges.

I don't think these your adult siblings are financially stable. Carry them along in your plans 'cause food is nothing. This one you're deliberately keeping your fridge empty is wrong if you have people in the house who may be hungry. About cleaning, you can all discuss that and strategise a plan on how cleaning should be done and by who daily. Lastly, encourage them to get something doing.

I think the major issue his siblings and a lot of people is that they don't know when they have overstayed their welcome especially when they have seen free food and everything...where they are not the ones taking responsibility.

Asking them to leave will make them find their feet and have their own place whether it with a grudge or not. Sometimes we need to be hard to make things better.

Elderay:
Hmm...my elder broda systematically forced m out of his hus Bcoz hé needed his privacy in a 3 bed room flat.w Dnt slip in d same room yet nt comfortable wit m stayin wit him but i noticed dat hé always regrets his action weneva w mit.Now i hav à room actually hé gav m 20k Wen i wanted To liv but dat was nt d ryt tym fo m .nw his power over m has really reduced hé cant control m anyhow unlike b4.I stil respect him though but God givs him d privilège to assist m Wen i needed him but hé fail Bcoz hé made m xprience so many bad thing d first few month i left his hus..Now To ur case if u send em packin Dnt think thy cant find means To survive for emslvs thy wil definitely find in a hard way but thy wil never fgiv u unless u can find à place for dem nd giv em excuse y u want To get em à plac .

Apart from helping himself, he was helping you too. How long did you want to keep being dependent on him before you found your own feet?

DaCharis2016:
Mine was that: my immediate younger one of 33 yrz wont show me respect, like washing one of my shirts when washing his. Even if I asked him to take money and buy food stuffs n cook, he will give an excuse. The annoying parts are: he tries to make himself better than me b4 my neighbours n others. He brings home girls. Is that not disrespectful? I got fed up and asked him to quit, since he was not humble.

Though I regret ever saying that to him. But I couldn't bear it anylonger since he wasn't going to change.

I hate it when someone who is supposed to show more respect is even embarrassing you b4 everyone.
I love sibblings who are wiser.

Terrible behaviour from him.

Jman06:
Sorry, i didn't see this before my post, but I'd still suggest you do more to help the other stand in his business, unless he is hellbent on getting married in which case you can go ahead and have him out of your house not forcefully though but by talking to him and making him see reasons, because any man who is matured enough to get married should be matured enough to have a house of his own.

That's why it's not good to jump into conclusions.

And how are you sure the OP he the capacity to help his bro stand in his business? He might be managing himself

soberdrunk:
This Op's advice is so 1996 when the Economy was still fairly stable and runs girls were still very coded and their population minimal, when morality was high and men valued family values over "sexiness" and "physical attributes".These days the reality is different, any young lady that wants to get married and is forming "standards and "principles" is in for a "long search" because we are in the era of "all that glitters is gold", the truth is most of the young men that want to get married to "Morally sound" women are handicapped financially and most of the rich eligible bachelors are busy in the DMs of Instagram slay queens/runs girls. People always ask why "bad girls" always get "good guys" these days and the answer is simply, they know how to position themselves and how to treat a man, while most of these "career women/ feminists" are busy looking for "equal rights". These "bad girls" know the "key things" most men what from a woman is -----

1) Submission- more than 90% of men no matter how advanced or intellectual they claim to be crave submission from a woman more than anything, that sense of control will make a man wife a woman faster than any church program or crusade will.

2) Good sex----There is a way you will do Chinese bending on a man that he will borrow money to pay your bride price...(This is the major factor that makes the "bad girls" always get the "good men" before the "good women"

3) Care----- Every man no matter how Macho or Alpha male they seem to be likes to be taken care of, if you take "good" care of a man he will definitely make it "permanent". Care doesn't necessarily mean you have to turn to "housegirl" but a few chores every now and then and showing concern about his general well being will do the magic

............Watch out for PART 2......

You are not far from the truth

Very nice piece...quite insightful. I will definitely put in more efforts into helping men and being empathetic towards their struggles and responsibilities... starting with my husband.

I never really understood why a lady would just diminish her value by living with a guy especially in school... acting the part of a wife and letting all your guards down. Naaahh!

By the way,vi never cohabited whether in or after school. My shakara was very important to me.

lefulefu:
i don first drop am yesterday nau
oya see am here
happy new year debbie

So na my lefu fine like this