₦airaland Forum

lefulefu:

Lefulefu is this the 2nd best scripture that NL guys love after "wives submit to your husbands"?

Having a concubine whether legal or illegal is adultery still... from whichever side it is viewed from

This legal concubine idea is flawed because most men that cannot stick to one wife will not stick to one concubine. If they can have one, why not two or three? So they end up having 5 "legal" concubines.

I think the days are already here where people develop their own truth based on what appeals to them and how they choose to view life. However I don't think impressionable and susceptible minds should be exposed to such unvalidated ideas

Eliteklaus:
You should never beat up a woman no matter what but Madam should learn to mind her business.

But it cannot be convenient for her brother in-law to keep bringing in women to her matrimonial home and not respecting their marriage

Avoid siblings living with you to avoid insults, they will not hear. Let everybody stay in their houses.

Happy birthday to a handsome man who always speaks with wisdom and maturity.

Many more happy years to come.

na2016:
what pride are you talking about? So u mean a man must be so foolish to allow a fellow man play on his intelligence?✋✋✋✋✋

Think with a clear mind

wizzyrich:
Ladies are like ants, they'll only go to a place were there's sugar. So i normally show them sugar but when they are about to eat it, i give them bitter leaf.

We'll stop bashing girls when they change their attitude.

And you, you don't like sugar right? I guess you love agbo, bitter kola and all the bitter things in the world. Keep deceiving yourself. The same thing that applies to a woman applies to a man but most men like you are in denial of the truth.

Valerie47:
When you marry someone, you become a part and parcel of them, in marriages, its men that move not women, a woman got a job offer in abuja, she declined it cause she is in the East with her hubby.

Why can't a man also support a woman especially if her opportunity is better? Men need to learn to swallow their pride and reason with a clean mind

It obviously gives them a rush and they can't help themselves. So don't bother.

They will always wail but still end up dating and marrying a Nigerian girl. We have seen it happen time and time again. It's becoming cliche.

luminouz:
nawa for u oh!
if you were in social sciences,then i will know ur face.

No I was in arts

jakandeola:
nice one dear. I try to make my girl happy at all times.am her number one defender but I want DAT she and mum act as a mum and daughter. it will make me happy. no alternative dear. will I get cook to cook for mum too. der is no big deal here

So your wife will also go and cook for your mum too? I don't think you are looking for a wife but for a maid. Don't go and stress someone's child just to please your mum.

Please get a househelp for your mum and stop trying to save cose by marrying someone that will double as your wife and a maid for your mum.

When your wife is supposed to be resting or doing house chores or taking care of your unborn children, she will be busy playing maid for your mum.

There are rules I never knew there are rules for marriage. Then how come many marriages are falling apart if we can just apply the rules?

azelab:
op listen to me carefully , their is noting wrong if your wife wash your mother's cloth even 100% supported by me but you need to assist her in some other domestic works , if I were you op I will decide to be washing my cloth myself likewise I and her would be washing my mother cloth because nothing could be quantified the work of mother in someone's life.

meanwhile I will not and never advise you to stay away from your mother because of your wife , most people that advised you to do so don't know the position of mother in someone's life , who is that wife or lady that would marry you if the work of your mother is not manifested in your life meanwhile note that most people of nowadays would see the truth but would fail to back it up because of their level of hypocrites.

Please op don't beat your wife if she disobey to act upon your instruction just call her attention to it and remind her , but if the disobedience turns to her habitual way of life just let her go. Believe most nowadays ladies are nagging ladies and anybody that advised you that your wife shouldn't wash your mummy cloth is irresponsible. But never and ever turn your wife to a slave , sincerely speaking she is your partner and give her full respect like the way you wish to be respected ....

Let him.just move in with his mother or move her into his house to be very close.

luminouz:
Let em keep itching....

I ain't no SNITCH!!!!!

Ok too

But anyway, I can bet he's in social science. Na there them plenty.

Your mum's issues is not necessarily about her education but her mindset.

My mum's formal education stopped at primary school and then she did a course on catering and house wifery. But that didn't stop her from being a good person.

And she developed herself because my dad used to take her out for his company dinners and programmes. And she brought up educated and happy kids.

You shouldn't waste your emotions hating your mum. It's better you stay on your own but you are still waiting for 2yrs before you move out.

sassysure:
Nope, the control has been there all along. She just don't want to share.
When he don't have secrets, always doing to her bidding.
See, this control started when he was young. Mothers see it as their right, sometimes relegating the dad to the background.
That you gave birth and trained your child is your complete obligation. As long as you chose to give birth, u should take responsibility for the outcome. It's not a privilege.
You didn't do your son any favour so no emotional blackmail there. The mum should reach out to her son's wife. It's not always wife that should do the reaching out.
Nothing spectacular about being a mum. Mad women have children too.

The moment our men stand up to their mum and be bold enough to say will make my own decision about marriage no matter the outcome, the better for everybody.

This control start when a mother think that her marital life revolves around her son. That her son is the reason she is living or enduring her marriage, so the boy automatically becomes her asset.

Wow! It is good to hear someone say what I always say. Children should not feel they are indebted to their parents for bringing them up. Who else should have done it? The child didn't beg to be born. In fact the parents most likely prayed for a child.

Many mums keep blackmailing their kids with "I carried you for 9months" as if other mum's that give their children freedom carried theirs for 2 weeks. I consider men that cannot stand up to their mums to be weak.

LynnnCHI:
I understand your point but we can only say this because we are not in her shoes.As a person myself I love the idea of having more male children than female.I love the idea of having many boys.....It's a mental thing,like they are there to also protect....that's just me.

I understand that it's freaky,but it can be well managed.The control comes partly because the son no longer is accessible to her.Constant visiting with the kids and family will go a long way to address the issues little by little.For me I don't think I will have issues with a needy MIL.Na me sef go dey ask am say make him go see him mama Everytime.

Believe me...it will be an issue when it keeps happening. A friend of mine always had her mum inlaw visiting and spending like a month... getting in between husband and wife.

And such times, the couple used to fight a lot. Right now, the mum inlaw is to keep her distance to allow the couple bond. Even the wife's mum hardly visits. Mum's should learn to stay away.

luminouz:
Lol...
I KNOW UR DAD...VERY WELL IN FACT!!!

Chai! My ears are itching...I went to UI too. I have been cracking my brain

Giantslayer:
I'll share an experience my elder brother had going against father's instructions.

My elder brother had child out of wedlock with a lady from Ikeduru, IMO state but the lady grew up in Owerri. When he brought her to see my parents in abuja, my parents didn't like her attitudes and they made it known to him.

I could remember father telling my brother to cut every ties with the lady because he won't succeed nor live long with a woman as such. Father explained his decision and gave instances to buttress his points, but my elder brother went ahead to marry the girl.

Few years down the lane, father became an umpire to the couples each time they had a fight. He still remained my brother his advice few years ago. Father died a disappointed man seeing how miserable his oldest son became for not listening to him.

It's been 5 years father died yet, the marriage has never been peaceful. My brother became a shadow of his old self. A broke man who can no longer afford to look after himself and his family. He went from grace to grass, filled with regrets.

I pray he gets it right and God forgives him

Your bro's issue is not necessarily parental consent. Your bro saw these things too but still decided to go ahead for whatever reason. There are some things that we don't even need our parents to tell us. We should know.

NwaliE01:
The heat in marriage is too much for any man to bear alone.
Don't disobey your parent's advise because in marriage, you need a family in your immediate home/family.

Your mum's advise may safe your neck in the future which you might not see now due to blinded love.

Think, think and think again before you go about it your own way.

In marriage, the person you need is God and your spouse. Family advice and interference is not necessary.

My parents are late and my father in-law too. And my mum inlaw is busy with all her kids and hardly has time and does not believe in interfering except she is asked.

What I have noticed about people from my side is that parents allow you to be independent and mind your family.

Moneystopnonsen:
Married against my mother's wish. She never liked my wife when she was babe then in school, simply because she says I give her attention too much more than i give to her.

Fast forward to after 8years of dating her, mum complained about how can i be stuck with one girl when guys where frolicking about.

After Nysc i started planning marriage, mum actually arranged her friends daughter for me, she was hot, but me i overlooked her because I was hell bent on been opposite of what my father was.

3 years ago i married my wife, mum only came for the traditional. She gave me plenty condition for my white and i was like why will my own mum want to sabotage my life simply bcoz of jealosy. Because of her I didn't do white wedding. I went to the registry and married my wife.

Today I have 2 kids and my wife is my back bone, mum still detest her and is pretending, I have made it clear to her you can't love me, love the kids she gave you and dislike her.

Recently she went as far as smearing my wife's image To my younger brothers who are not in Nigeria, I wonder what she wants to gain. So am paying her back with no access to me at all. Until she retraces her step.

If u notice I didn't talk about my dad, he is alive, his an old arse hole for university of Ibadan females both students and hostel female staff, he can gift u a car just to lay u.

Mum is just a control freak. She has lived her marital life yet wants to live another through me, but kole work ooo

Parents can be so selfish but some people here fail to see it.

First and foremost, the fact that a person wants to get married means you are an adult. At that point, a parent does not have the right to pick a spouse or blatantly refuse one.

NaijaRoyalty:
And if you later have problem that only them got solutions to, will you run back to them for help?

How can only the parents have the solution when they are not God?

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frankman365:
You don't need any experience to know that you shouldn't marry without their consent - my humble opinion.

After God, next is your parents!

Don't be deceived. Parents are humans and could have their own selfish interests and choices even at the detriment of their children's happiness.

We need wisdom to know how to make decisions for our lives. As an adult, it is our lives and not our parents'. They can only guide and not enforce

jakandeola:
hmmm nice one dear u sound matured. sometimes am forced to beat her but I know its wrong God help me to stop DAT . but u still need to obey ur hubby all the time. we are African let be proud of our culture

Who said anything about disobeying my husband? He wouldn't even want to make life complicated or more difficult for me. He has my interest at heart.

Being proud of our culture doesn't mean that other alternatives cannot be made to get mumsys clothes washed.

jakandeola:
dear is not DAT easy are u married.did u have mum in law. I sware with my heart I love my girl and will do anytin for her. her mum is a demon if not I love her truly I will dump her. I agree is wrong to beat her but dats relationship. fight must dey, love must dey. my mum cant try rubbish she knows becos I protect my girl well. dear is nothing wrong if my girl work for mum. this is Africa and we have culture

Yes I am married and I have a mum inlaw but she doesn't stay close. And even if she did, my husband won't even suggest that I go and wash her clothes. He would look for another way that benefits all.

Beating is not necessary in relationship as you make it sound. I have never been beaten in my relationships and even in my marriage. Not all men beat and not all women tolerate beating.

This is Africa but we are not in the 50s. So you need to free your woman from this cultural shackles that you are trying to imprison her with. All the best.

prestigiouslady:
Sincerely...and my own dad has just three kids..

That is why such people never become rich. They don't plan. They just allow anything and say "it is God who gives children" as if it is the devil that gives those who have 2 or 3

prestigiouslady:
It's like we grew up in the same house...it was really tough growing up... extended family feeling entitled... I even have an aunt that had six kids and my dad was responsible for them, recently one of the kids had a slip of tongue and said my dad sent him to a Polytechnic and sent me his (his biological child o) to a university...I'm like "really"..
One of my uncle was calling my dad to please send him money for baby things cos his wife is almost due..(8th child)..if a man in his forties is still behaving as such...


OP..just save for the rainy days, these people will continue to behave as such...and if you voice out too much, you'll be tagged a wicked witch.. There's poverty in the land..
Save your money and channel it into something productive..

8th child??!! He is still producing children knowing that your dad will take care of them.

chival:
This thinking is rife among 'traders' in Anambra. Well read Anambra men in other professions for the most part do not think like this.

Infact I was shocked to see an Anambra guy on this platform who seems educated talk such nonsense with so much pride and confidence.

That kind of arrangement will make them draw a battle line with the wife of the man. I can't stand a man that cannot organize his family and household.

CanadianNaija:
if only the men and women that are sole providers to their families will learn to create a budget and stick to it.

Now he say he was trying to setup everyone up so that they won't depend on him but he went about it the wrong way, and ended up enabling lots of them.
I still have cousins that don't talk to me because they felt we i and my siblings had better lives than they did.

One time that my dad got my mum a brand new SUV and they travelled with it, the rumors and gossip that went round that period was something else. They all talked about how my mum wants to finish their brother's money, yet from childhood till now non of my father's relatives have ever bought evn 5 naira biscuit for any of us.
All they do is take.

I hate that attitude of taking and taking and never giving. They wouldn't have felt that way about your mum if they were also comfortable but it is because their eyes were on your father's money.

And your cousins should keep the malice with their parents who were not able to give them the kind of lives they wanted and not with you guys.

It is better to help once in a while and encourage everyone to make their own money instead of acting like their saviour.