₦airaland Forum

Husbands are not scarce. People are getting married every Saturday. Men and women are still single...not only women

Decades will pass and women will still extort men, men will still hustle and spend on ladies. And people will still keep getting married.

Just live your life and stop bothering about things you cannot change

They will still end up dating or marrying a girl because of her boobs or butt and come and wail on nairaland. They will systematically avoid this thread

Those ladies are air heads and are just interested in their own interests and are not willing to start and grow with a guy. They are looking for finished products.

And a lot of them get into trouble that way. There is nothing wrong with marrying a rich guy but it should not be the main motivation and she should also bring something tangible to the table.

lilmax:
oh she lost?

That's what it would seem like...till breeze blows.

spiralwedge:
That's not really help, if you are paying for their services. It's like saying your kids' school are helping you

Domestic helps are paid too. But it is still help. School is important but Creche can be bypassed

TheClulssHomakr:
Cities, circumstances and situation may be different but it does not mean adjustments or better planning cannot be made. If you close work at 6, perhaps having a creche close to work can help? Or a job close to home?



This topic is not a judgement or superiority complex thread though.
I believe the OP just wants to see if there's a way she can do without having maids and that's why she asked so people can share their experience. She can look through and see if there's anything that can be applied to her personal situation.

By all means, any family that needs a maid and can afford one should feel free, if it helps keep your sanity. No judgement here because I don't even believe in senseless stress.

I am sure everyone wants to live close to where they work. That is the Lagos dream. But how easy is that?

I know the thread is not for judging. However I was responding to the man who said his wife is a superwoman where the factors are more favorable for her.

spiralwedge:
Not true. I know quite a few who don't even allow family to come around because both parents are dead, talkless of a maid.

It doesn't mean they don't need help. We are not robots or machines. Everyone needs help even if they don't admit it.

lonelydora:
We are in Port Harcourt not in that suffer-head city called Lagos

You see why I said we cannot compare all situations when the factors are different. Like people comparing cities in America to Lagos. I don't have a maid but when I see someone who does, I don't even judge or think that I am better or a superwoman

lonelydora:
Food cooked the previous night. She cooks fresh food daily

So from work, she goes to the market everyday, comes back and start prepping to cook and then cooking. Then she baths the kids.

What time does she sleep? Does she work close to home or run her own business? If she works on the island and stays on the mainland and gets back like 8-9pm, when does she go to the market to get fresh food to cook and when does she finish cooking?

12hgf:
I suggest some people like to follow Arabic traditions. These traditions came from the East to have a couple of women simultaneously.
From my side there can be different explanations to this:

1. The method of expression;
2. The desire to overcome man's uncertainty.

I agree fully that it is not healthy and susceptible for the modern western world to accept such kind of behavior and distorted view on personal life. The woman should be respected and not to be on the second place for anybody, except you are living in Arabic world.

The post says a lot about how the poster views women

SocialJustice:
You be lazy girl.

Indeed!

You can't do half of what I do. I work, I have a kid and I don't have a maid and I don't stay close to my family.

lonelydora:
My wife wakes 4am each day to prepare the kids for school and also cook that early morning. We do not eat leftover foods. She's a super woman i must confess. Whenever i go out late i help in sweeping and arranging the house. She told right from our wedding she does not want a maid.


Planning is the key

Planning is key. You are right. I myself do all the cooking and even prepare my kid for Creche the day before. My hubby helps with chores. However, if I can get some more time to sleep and take care of myself, I will take it.

We don't have an issue with getting a maid. We have not just got one yet. Even if my hubby thinks I am a super woman and that I have it all worked out, he wants me to relax a bit and have more time to rest.

spiralwedge:
Not true. I know quite a few who don't even allow family to come around because both parents are dead, talkless of a maid.

Who have kids and work 9-5?

Off course there will be some like that. But even a Creche and after school Centre is help. No one can do without one form of help

PrimadonnaO:
She'll get old too quickly.

She always looks stressed

mhd5757:
Not just dat! They wear toomuch makeup, and they are only in it for the money and expensive gifts.

Oh I see

DMerciful:
So you already know!

So every lady that dresses well and wears make up is a slayqueen? Interesting

Firstly, who is a slayqueen? Is it any lady who wears make up and dresses well?

bukatyne:
Is she a single mum?

No she isn't.

I for one work very close to my house and my baby's creche is beside my office. So it is convenient and hubby has a flexible schedule at the moment which could change anytime now.

Still I feel stressed with chores and all even with help from him. He has already said we are getting a maid ASAP so that I can relax a bit.

My sis on the other hand works in a bank, closes late and doesn't get home till 11pm a lot of times. He husband works on a ship and is away for up to 4months at a go. How does such a woman cope without help.

The factors are different for different people. When I see people that have maids, I don't judge or blame them. If you can afford it, it's fine

TheClulssHomakr:
Two words, Routine and cooperation.
It's only in Nigeria that we see maids as per for the course. Try that abroad and quench from the bills nah.

It's not easy but it is doable once the couple is willing to tackle things as a team. Not just one person carrying the whole house. E.g hubby can iron clothes while mum sweeps.

Establish a routine of sorts.
Specific shopping days for groceries. There are even IG shoppers that can deliver meat and stuff to the house.
Certain days for major cleaning.

Bulk cooking, none of that fresh soup every night palaver

Use appliances. Microwave, washing machine etc.

Well you cannot compare an organized environment to Nigeria especially Lagos. If I work in VI and I stay on the mainland. I drop my kid off at the creche, close work at 5or 6, and hubby closes same time. When do we get to the creche to pick child up considering Lagos traffic that could last hours.

In Lagos, you can't live by the clock like in organized countries. There are no tankers or trailers lined up on the roads in Calgary for instance that will cause traffic that would make you get home at 10pm.

And maids are not expensive as it is abroad. So the situation is quite different and you cannot advise someone in Lagos according to how someone in Maryland US lives

Everyone needs help whether from domestic staff or family. I met someone who said she wakes up by 3.30am latest to prepare her kids for school and cook before going to work.

How will someone like that get enough sleep and not break down. Help is necessary

Some people just open threads and are not ready to accept any criticism or opposition. If you don't fall in line with their thoughts and ideas, wahala.

Wisdom is not really about age I have realized.

WORDWORLD:
On the contrary, you are running in circles because Toks2008 is telling you what you find not appealing to you.

Ok

WORDWORLD:
ANYBODY WHO GENUINELY HAS THE TRUTH IN THEM HAVE NO FEAR. IT'S OBVIOUS THAT AS LONG AS YOU CHOOSE TO BE TRUTHFUL IN YOUR DEFINATION OF POLYGAMY, YOU WILL BE EXPOSING YOURSELF TO THE FALLACY OF EQUATING POLYGAMY TO ADULTERY.

Quit trying to make me define your polygamy. It won't work. I don't want to go where all this will lead. So if you like call me coward or use all the persuasion or taunting tactics you have and then join forces with Toks2008 and anyone else, your problem.

Toks2008:
Aunty please dont pass go anywhere..answer wordworld question. no one is attacking anyone,we are all here to learn.

Grandpa. I will answer what I want to and when I want to. You two put together cannot intimidate me. If you like form Voltron together

Worlworld hope you can hear too. I am running round in circles because I am not saying what appeals to you. Not everyone can agree with an opinion. Get that right!!

WORDWORLD:
You have given us your defination of adultery. What is your defination of Polygamy?! LET'S SEE HOW YOUR TRUTH IS UNTAINTED.

You want me to define polygamy for the basis of attack from you. You are already like a tiger waiting to pounce. I'll pass.

Toks2008:
Wait o wht is the basis for your argument if i may ask? did you read the write up at all? when i wrote legitimate concubine im talking about a lady a man marries legitimately which makes her his spouse so what is the fuss about?

You seem to be the one fussing?

Toks2008:
LOL! you are getting emotional. There is nothing like my version of truth. Amazingly you have not argued your point with facts but you are only being emotional.

Adulery by biblical definition is when a man has illicit intercourse with a married or a betrothed woman.or visavis. So there is nothing like my definition.

As long as a man marries a lady there is nothing like adultery even if he marries a million women and no mater how emotional any lady gets,it wont change the truth that having legitimate concubines is very scriptural and very PERMISSIBLE by GOD.

The hypocrisy in the world today is so crazy that though the world is quick to bark at anyone like me who writes the truth but will prefer to practice the same act in secret.

I don't know where you detected the emotions you mentioned.

Adultery in the Bible and universally is when a married person has sex with someone that is not their spouse. Except you are mixing up the Qur'an with the Bible. Get it right.

I am not arguing. I am just making clarifications.

You are not the authority in any of the topics you mentioned. So your assertions and ideas are just yours. They are not law or anything to live by.

You know...what is applicable in the Qur'an is not in the Bible. The same way a lot of people believe God is not the same God in both books.

Toks2008:
This is an insightful contribution.

Now we need to draw a line between marrying more wives and the act of adultery.

Polygamy and adultery are very parallel. Adultery is when a single person sleeps with a married person, when a married person sleeps with another person's spouse. If a married man decides to marry a single lady it is not adultery and we need not go into whether or not the man sleeps with her before marrying her.

Now a man may decide to marry 2,5,10 concubine...its his choice.

Monogamy and polygamy is a choice and everyman to his choice.

So as you wrote, the truth is relative to different people...and we must accept what everyone feels but this does not overshadow the universal truth.

The truth is one. Some people just decide to have variations of the truth.

Adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person that is not their spouse. So whether or not the person is married is not the issue as long as it is not the spouse.

Your definition of adultery is your own variation of the truth that you have chosen to adopt. That doesn't make it true.

Polygamy is like living in adultery on a daily basis. And polygamy doesn't curb adultery. Or how do people end up marrying the third, fourth and fifth wives?

Everyone has a right to live their lives the way they see fit. After all, we are all answerable to our maker individually. But no one should try to enforce a tainted truth as the truth.

If you want to be polygamous and adulterous or to have a"legal concubine" due to lack of self control or extreme love for pleasure, don't try to drag everyone along by enforcing your own version of "truth". Don't try to get validation. Believe in your truth and live with it.

Men scarcity indeed