₦airaland Forum

valdes00:
But why Kemi still back reminisce... That part almost got me confused... Odogwu killed him already na... And how come in the last part when bullets were flying here and there, not one touched alhaja salami... And everybody else was hit... Shey mama get ayeta ni

mannobi:
Intriguing..
I can't wait to see the way Laburu will deal with that big politician and korede but it's painful adesuwa etomi died

adefitim:
Make I wait till I can download it from netnaija

Simeony007:
Man U

Olumighty123:
My wife is different, she won't let me spend a penny on my birthday, she usually does all the spending, from gift, to foods and drinks, it's a kind gesture I have always appreciate..

thebosstrevor1:
Interesting. It is myopic because it goes against your fantasy.

And you still posted gour motivational speech as the conclusion of your reply as if life works like that.

Fyi, there are lot of people who follow your motivational speech yet are not successful.

thebosstrevor1:
Lmoa

You are also living in a bubble where you think the challenges inter tribal marriages faces is the same as those that marry from the same tribe

Missionaire:
Oga leave religion one side. Your topic is about ethnicity and not religion.
Also, it seems you don't know what is being done in this country. Come to Asokoro and see how people get local government certificate by only mentioning the local government chairman to like three predecessors and speaking the dialect. Some can claim that they didn't grow up in their state which can hold water.
Also, the issue of surname doesn't hold much water. There are different catchment areas and if you call under any, you enjoy the benefits of belonging.

Like I earlier said, it seems you don't know how things are being done in this country.

thebosstrevor1:
So your assertion and opinion is correct because it worked for your cousins while my story is incorrect because it goes against your fantasy. Or do you think reality is nollywood

I think it is getting ridiculous.

If tribe is not an issue then people won't identify by their tribe, as i have written before, the tribe influences the human.

The challenges couples in inter tribal marriages pass through is different from the challenges couples from the same tribe passes through, inlaws and extended families are more aggressive to couple in inter tribal marriages than couples from the same tribe, if you can't admit that then you are living in jupiter.

Your conclusion is just motivational speaking.

thebosstrevor1:
You didn't agree with my own opinion and acquaintances experiences when i wrote them here but then want me to agree with yours.

My acquaintances person opinions of inter tribal marriages were negative, while yours was positive. If yours is positive does it remove the fact that inter tribal marriages can be stressful for couples and children and that the challenges inter tribal couples faces is different from a couple who marries from the same ethnic group as theirs?

Why were you selective in answering questions, who don't you also tackle the inter religious angle and class angle?

thebosstrevor1:
Closed minded in what way, so if everyone disagress with you that means they are correct while you are wrong.

Right and wrong is not determined by public opinion or by social pressure, it is determined by practical applications.

Differences in tribe is also a cause of problems in marriages and relationships and the struggle is also different from someone who marries from a family from the same tribe.

Some of the people like you attacking me personally will never marry or allow their children to get married to someone from another religion or change religion to get married to someone. Will it not be hypocrisy to point finger at me for my views while in real life, you can't even stand views from another religious group or even get married to them.

Are you not on nairaland, when someone wrote that, she can't marry someone from a particular church or religion or people saying they can't marry from a particular social class or can't marry athiest or jehovah witness and when i write that i am against inter tribal marriages because of self preservation or some of the cultural issues, i am seen as a villian .

thebosstrevor1:
Funny enough, you never wrote anything intelligent or intellectual for me to judge your intellectual capacity, you didn't even bring one countering opinion except ranting emotionally and throwing tantrums all over the place.

Now, you claim i am not exposed, i sound shallow and uneducated, this is so funny coming from someone who think traveling abroad or dating interracially and inter tribal makes one exposed and educated, typical shallowness of an average Nigerian.

bdchange:
The OP has refused to accept the truth in front of him rather lamenting on identity crisis. Until you realized that people are bad irrespective of their color or tribes. Those children or families you claim facing identity crises is because they are living with inhuman, uncultured and terrible people. Simple as that. It is not about which part of the family ethnic background. It is because they have a poor family members with poor mentality to deal with. All the concerns you raised also arises from family members who are of the same tribe, so what's the fuss? I am giving you simple truth today; people are bad because that is who they are not because of their tribe. Just like you, I won't judge your act either good or bad to your tribe but to your personality as a human.

thebosstrevor1:
Pls stop twisting my opinion.

Where did i write that inter tribal marriages is the problem tormenting the nation?

I specifically wrote about the issues that arises in inter tribal marriages but it funny how you don't want to admit these issues.

Bayo and nneka may not have a smooth marriage all because of the expectations of in laws and extended family when compare to marriage of emeka and nkechi.

In inter tribal marriages, there is this pressure on the woman and man to impress by all means possible,so that they can be accepted by in laws.

Mogajunior:

Ronaldo is an incredible player but City rejected the offer knowing he wouldn't bring much to the table as he is already ageing and may not click with their style of play but man utd willingly accepted because of his legendary status in the club and not because of what he stands to offer. I Wish him all the best.

TarOrfeeek:
Unnecessary transfer.

thebosstrevor1:
Their is this idea that you can seperate the human from the tribe, and that everything is about the individual, family and not the tribe. The tribe has a big influence on the way the human behaves in a society. The tribe culture and tradition is also a reason why different ethnic groups in Nigeria have different temperaments and behaviors, some are aggressive and courageous, some are cowards, some timid, some bold etc, you can't seperate a human from his tribe, it is his identity, even in marriages, the culture and tribe of a human determines how they behave to spouse, how they relates with extended families and outsiders.

Now back to the point, your church were problematic to your marriage that is because of the lay down rules and traditions of the church, they believe that marrying outside the church might corrupt the individual they have created thus they became aggressive, it is also similar with the tribe, the influences, the tradition of the tribe have on the human will make the human aggressive to outsiders.

If you live in big cities like lagos and often see inter tribal marriages, you will think that is how it is everywhere in Nigeria, when you go out of your bubble then you will see the real Nigeria and stories people will tell you because they marry out of their tribe will shock you to the bone.

About the issue of the mopol, i am still asking the question, how about the women who don't have mopol to help protect the husband properties from the family??

I am not making an issue out of anything, i stating a facts about some of the dangers of inter ethnic marriages in this Nigeria.

It is a fact, that women who marry into family from different ethnic group encounters more problems from extended families than women who marry from the same tribe. In most cases, a woman who marries from a different tribe will always be seen as a foreigner no matter what, even in family and cultural meetings, it will be evident and make known.

thebosstrevor1:
You have no experience with inter ethnic marriage.

You overlook and underestimate the emotional and psychological effects caused by identity crisis on children from these type of homes.

There is no law that says that they are from their father side, it is just cultural, there are children that comes from these type of homes and do not identify with their father's side and prefer their mother side but are not accepted by their mother side.

You can not base your argument on the notion that because you have yoruba and delta cousins that means everything is fine with them, Have you ever sat down with your yoruba and delta counsins and ask them real questions about their identity.

I know of someone whose yoruba man got married to an igbo woman and she was not accepted by the family, till today, he says his uncle still calls him and remind him that he must marry from his father tribe.

An igbo man married from akwa ibom and both side of the family are aggressive to the family and their children.

I am not ignoring the fact that there are inter ethnic marriages that are peaceful with no drama from the family but you are ignoring my own fact and trying to paint a picture that it is all bed of roses in marriages like that and no effect on children from that type of homes even when i have given examples.

You claim politics does not care about your mother tribe or father tribe. For your information, there are lot of people who can't contest for elections in their mother's or father's place because they bear a different surname or even told they are not fully bloodied natives to contest for election on both side.

Even in times of government jobs, it affects, an igala woman who marries a yoruba man, her and her offspring will bear a yoruba name, if she has influence in her home state, in respect to helping her children get her state government jobs, her children might be denied opportunities because of the yoruba surname of her husband and children.

Your argument is based on the idea that inter tribal relationships is just the same as any other type of marriages while ignoring the fact that it is unique and has its own unique troubles and missing the fact that couples and children from homes like that will have to interact with the outside world where most issues are seen from the eyes of tribal loyalty, affiliation and purity.

In response to the property taking and the example you have, how many of these people have mopol to protect them from the wrath of an avenging family who think the woman made their son go astray.

thebosstrevor1:
1.English as a medium of communication is a norm in inter ethnic marriages many children from these type of marriages end up not learning the local languages of either the father or mother.

2. In paper, you are from your father side, emotionally and mentally, there is a identity crisis in many children from that type of home. Crisis like which side should they be close to, the mother side or father side. It is something of an emotional battle.

3. Politics in Nigeria is very tribal, for instance, a man whose mother and father is from the same tribe has an advantage over a man whose father and mother are from different tribes when contesting election, another issue is can the man contest in his mother place if he is culturally close to his mother side.

4. It is very common for families to claim properties when the woman is from outside the tribe.

I have friends that comes from inter ethnic marriages, they have lot of identity crisis, some are more closer culturally to their mother but their mother people won't accept them, even the father family do not accept the mother, to them relationship with extended families are complex.

otipoju:
I used to be like you...thinking life in terms of black and white...believing all you see not knowing there are many grey areas. My naivety was phenomenal. Nowadays if i dont hear the accused version of events, i will never pass judgement.

My only prayer to you is to pray that you dont see what will pass you.

Arsenate:
You really think it's just an excuse and that there are no men who genuinely want to spend time with their children but their jobs just don't afford them such opportunities? Your minds seem made up and you guys are always eager to project few examples (like the one you cited) to all men.

Apparently, women find it hard to empathize with men and relate with their struggles. Knowing this, I'll rather just look out for myself and I also advise other men to do the same; save and invest for your old selves.

Arsenate:
This can't be stated enough.

Men, save; invest for your old selves. Higher chances you will be abandoned by the same people you made sacrifices for in your youth. Worse still, you'll be blamed for that. You'll be accused of failing to "bond" with your kids, which, let's face it, is a luxury most men can't afford with the harsh economic realities.