₦airaland Forum

Maybe you show all you have to offer to get them to fall in love with you and then, they now come and see that there's nothing more. What they have seen is everything.

You show all your cards too early.

Yes o. The man tried and left inheritance for us. Still jointly owned by all the kids

VivaDeAngelo:
The Ayo I know is dark in complexion.

Obviously not this one

He should get involved with the kids too. She might be overwhelmed with them. Both of them can bond while they're both involved.

Maybe you should take her to her daughter's place and knock the door. When someone comes to the door, drop her there. Let her daughter worry about what should be done.

That stress on your mother can take a toll on her health and you should relieve her of it asap.

All the best.

It is to whom it may concern, not all Nigerians.

Iniobong34:
LOL, Ima ima mmi i cant believe u ar d 1 sayin dis. iyami!

Na so nau.

I don't like when people overstay their welcome and now plant themselves there

Plomo:
Calabar, I think?

Akwaibom

yommen:
That woman carried him in her womb for 9 months, went through pain to bring him to life. She struggled to nurture him to a fully grown and handsome man that the wife now finds worthy to call her own husband. So, because he bought a car for his mother, she wants to divorce him. That's a very stupid thing to do sha o. In fact, she should just go ahead and abort the pregnancy too because she is not fit to be a mother. Imagine if it was her own mother the guy bought a car for, would she also file for a divorce?

Oh please please please. Not this same narrative.

The mother prayed for a child. Had sex and enjoyed it and got pregnant. The baby didn't enter her stomach by mistake.

Relished and proudly carried her evidence of fertility for 9months and gave birth to her child.

Who else is supposed to nuture the child? Me?

The parents who brought the child that didn't beg to be born have an obligation to take care of that child. If they have to suffer, it's their CHILD.

Don't forget that the wife was also born of a woman who "nutured and suffered" to take care of her. But she doesn't constantly rub that fact in her husband's face.

descarado:
Experience is a teacher dear. Mine was FIL. A good but authoritative man. Even his kids fear him. They call him by his title or professional name and not daddy. You don't dare say no to him. I started calling him papa, not daddy . He corrected me several times anyway and I told him so you don't want to be a daddy to me. He hardly call me on the phone when I got married simply because I'm beneath their class. One day when I was very annoyed at work on my way home, I used the annoyance call him. I blasted that man for good 30 minutes. I didn't even say goodbye

He rang my husband and his kids to lay a formal complaint before dealing with me. Nobody supported him. He was shocked.
They told him to call and apologise for how he has been behaving towards me. He refused. I took in, nobody told him till I put to bed. For somebody who is always in the affairs of his kids, that's another blow. He rang and apologised, than said we should bring baby to him. I refused. He should visit or forget about it. He came with his entourage. Started dishing out command again in my own house. First of all as soon as he entered our house, he said we should pack out from that area. No son of mine should live there blablabla. I told him to calm down, he is a visitor and his is my house. If he don't like it, he should go and lodge in a hotel. Me and my FIL, lots of stories. He reported me at one time to our uncle, this man has to flew in the next day thinking I had killed him. Fast forward ,we became the best of friends. (That man has bought lots of things for me
Very expensive jewelries.
Every month,alert from him enters account. He even begged me to stop working he will pay double my salary. Just take care of the kid
I no gree that one.
Always disturbing his son to take me out for summer holiday every year)
Do you know in all these, hubby looked the other way? I no even send am. FIL said his son should and will never enter the kitchen
I said why not. He said it's an abomination.
I said that abomination no dey work for my house or is he more igbo than all the males in my family cos they enter kitchen even my grandfather. In fact, he is not a true igbo man as he couldn't teach any of his kids how to speak igbo or any igbo tradition. He closed his mouth . I love that man a lot though we were cat and dog then
Hubby said for once he saw somebody who stood up to his dad, even his late mum didn't. FIL one day asked hubby, where did you get this one? I know the family I'm married into
You have to have muscle to have voice there.

Men! You really entered a tough one. What a FIL!

That's how some men grow up with that kind of attitude of dominance and authority and they lose a lot in the end. His children will hardly be close to him, etc.

You handled it well. He needed that kind of rude awakening to be reminded that he is a mere mortal. Abeg enjoy the benefits you receive now...lol.

As for my MIL, I have agreed that keeping ourselves at a distance is best. I am one person that finds it hard to do eye service. I might not say anything when I'm wronged but you will see it on my face and back off.

She was instigating her other son to send me insultive voice notes, even threatening to kill me and our daughter. That was where I drew the line and I sent the notes to my family. They had to call my husband's uncle. My husband had already blocked them on his phone because they were sending him insults too.

Some families are troublesome and come with drama and me I don't like drama. Even on the wedding day, they brought drama and my husband was so embarrassed.

We just try to manage them. But he tries to keep me away from it.

GIdiata:
I know that's why you love him.
buying things in a woman's name in the 21st SMH I pray/hope he doesn't regret this.

Anyway, hope he and the family are your first responsibilities too? and you are not managing your finances like a Spinster also?

I loved him before any of that. Besides, I think the reason they adopted that is because of their large family, because my husband's grandfather had over 20 wives. To avoid issues with family.

For your second concern, our finances are managed in unity. We both have each other's atm and mobile passwords.

My husband is a rare kind and I don't take it for granted. He doesn't have the mentality and outlook of the average Nigerian man especially the average Nairaland kind with prejudice towards women.

Thanks for your concerns.

Plomo:
Lol it’s not like every man dies and leaves behind a wife and young kids na.

What tribe?

Anang

[quote author=Funkybabee post=104610132][/quote]Education is no longer valued in this country. Meanwhile to get a swimming tutor for a child, 2-3 times a week per child is between 25k-35k.

Here someone is offering 5k to teach two children 5 days a week. Na wa

Modified

Plomo:
If you marry a brave, respected and powerful man not necessarily rich sef cos there are rich men that are still weak, you’ll enjoy yourself.

If you marry a soft man, umunna would always try to take advantage of him.

When my dad was alive, I used to attend some umunna meetings with him as a child. It usually gets really heated but when my dad, with his authoritative voice, tells his fellow man that is causing a raucous to “shut up and sit down or I will use your teeth to sweep the ground” in igbo though, the man will just sit down and the meeting will continue. It used to amaze me whenever I witnessed something like that. My mom sef will take advantage of that air of powet around my dad to put some umuada members in their place. Come add money join again, I miss the man.

Had he not died, he was in line to be the next Onowu.

Asides from that women property thing, igbo men don’t joke with their wives and daughters. You will be treated like a queen regardless of financial standing. Our women are usually well taken care of. It is said that when an igbo man marries a wife, his clan also marries a wife. They will always make sure you’re comfy.

That's the scary part. If they die and leave their wives especially if the children are young.

Well it's too late now. I married from my state though a different tribe. I feel safer.

Plomo:
Well a will is good to an extent because if your dad were to be igbo, he can’t will any of his properties in his village to his daughters.

He can will any other one anywhere else but that village property will be almost impossible to do.

And it’s not like he can’t do it, it is that his greedy and wicked kinsmen will raise dust if he does it because “it is not customary”.

It has caused a lot of problems in my town, most notably with a former varsity VCs family.

The igbo tradition was the reason I was weary of marrying from there. When I just hear igbo name, I tear race. I can't deal with kinsmen and umunna wahala.

Plomo:
Lucky you. If you were from an igbo family, only the boy would take everything.

In our case, my dad left a will. When my brother tries ro exact authority, my sister threatens to call the lawyer to read the will.

Plomo:
Are y’all all girls?

No. Girls and boys. A boy is the second.

Candidlady:
[s]According to him, when the Bible says “submit yourself to your husband in everything,” women respond saying, “No, not today, that was before. Right now, nobody can do that. We are co-heirs, male and female, no difference.”[/s]


Please also tell your member to stop paying their last money as tithes

Reduce your school fees so members of your congregation could attend

Am sure if a feminist pays her tithes in millions you'd accept it



And yeah as a feminist I won't marry I'd adopt a pretty girl


ThemovementIsReal

A man called pastor can't stop it..



They find it disgusting to see men straffin men but most men are down with lesbians... Men won't see gay porns but are so comfy seeing girls tongue themselves... Hypocrites...

Y'all men are just scared that if we Al become feminist konji wil Kil you guys

I agree with the frustrated part. Feminists especially in Nigeria are not happy people.

Plomo:
Thought as much. In Igbo land, the son (depending on how many they are) becomes the owner of the properties once the father dies although the wife(s) get their own cut.

He also has valid claims as the first son and since it was his money that raised the house afterall. If it’s a big enough house, he can live with his mother and his future family but for privacy reasons, he might as well just rent a flat for himself.

However, if he doesn’t want to treat it as a civil matter, he can invite his clan to deliberate on the issue according to the customs of his people.


What is his past relationship with his mother like?

Thank God for other traditions. My father left his properties for all the children. First daughter(first child) has more authority over what happens.

Why a girl will take her friend(s) on a date with her man is a mystery to me. I don't think such girls are smart.

Be ready to see the word "simp" flying around this thread, directed at you. That's the only defense the redpillers have; to shout "simp".

philip0906:
$14 a month for a graduate. God abeg!!!

Some people will still advise him to take it, that it is something; better than nothing. Some jobs are worse than nothing.

descarado:
If you haven't met this type of MIL, I pray you don't meet such.
What wives see eeh, if not for societal and religious discrimination, some won't last 2 yrs in marriage.
And our fathers always exonerate themselves when they are the architect of this circle of problems.
I haven't seen a woman dearly loved by her husband that has time to fight with her daughter inlaw over her son. Never.
She don't even have time.
When she come for omugwo, she will stay just small and go back to her husband cos she miss him dearly. Papa emeka will not even allow emeka to rest.

This MIL relationship is both sides. One can be trying to get close while the other is resisting.

I removed myself from trying to be daughter to my MIL when she and some of her kids turned against me the last time their husband refused to send money for something he didn't agree with.

I got voice notes with insults, calling me names, saying I had put my husband in my p...y. I didn't respond to one. I just saved them. Her plan later blew up in her face and her kids turned against her. No one apologized and I just maintained my distance since then.

Some people choose to always blame DILs always, as if MILs are automatic saints. Experience teach us.

Please don't try that 7k job. How can you labour all those years in school just to come and earn 7k in 2021. Starting like that will mess your mentality and expectations. Please aspire for more. You are better than that.

Nisiw365:
Continue deceiving yourself

No one can even open his/her mouth to ask me how I spend my own money if not the person would receive a dirty slap

Thumbs up on your slapping solution.

Nisiw365:
The man's job is to take care of wife and children, not accounting of how he spends his money
Know this and know peace

It's not something a single or someone in a faulty marriage can understand. For now, concentrate on things you have good knowledge about.

Nisiw365:
What's the definition of marriage again

Does it entails doing fbi job on how to spend ones money?

Fortunately, it's not my job to teach you about marriage. When the time comes, you will understand better.

Nisiw365:
If she makes her own money, she can spend it how she likes

If the husband is out of work, she can lend a helping hand which doesn't stop her from buying car for her dad because its her money

And submission has nothing to do with how you spend your own money

There's a difference between being single and married. Why should they bother to get married? They cannot be married while their finances remain single.

Regex:
OK. If the needs of the family is being met, there's no need consulting the other partner before investing one's money.

Hope the same goes for your wife. If she buys a car for her dad without letting you know, hope it won't be a problem.

DanielAlhassan:
how is that possible we hard sex two months ago and she three months pregnant I can't accept it

It seems you didn't read his comment properly to understand. Your own is just that it's 3 months and that is it

You have to learn o. Frown your face and damn the consequences and tell him he has overstayed and you give him 2 days to pack up and leave.

2nd option...tell him you are travelling for a month and you will need to lock up, and you can't leave him in your house and go.

Never ever gone out without your family? Even when hanging out with friends? Men need their time with their friends sometimes. I even refuse some outings because I want "me" time.

She monitors your finances so much that she notices 1k is missing...haaaa . Me I don't even want that kind of monitoring o. It is well.

You know your wife. Use her mumu button for her nau.