₦airaland Forum

Thanks Mukina.

I am friendly with a certain couple that had a baby some weeks back only for the Baby to develop some complications from the unregulated/uncontrolled use of insulin by the mother. It saddened me greatly to learn this morning that the baby did not survive that complication. An acquintance also lost her pregnancy after making the long trip of travelling from Lagos to one of the Eastern states on a bus and probably being shaken all over when the vehicle drove over potholes and the likes. As a result of these mishaps I decided to get more views from other people on the factors, situations/things that poses danger to pregnant women, this is to enable me enlighten the young ones I have around as I do not want to see another baby die because of lack of knowledge on its mother's part.

   I know that a woman planning to get pregnant should try as much as possible to have vitamin C beforehand by eating food that are good sources of Vitamin C like Spinach and taking Vit C tablets. I am also aware that some drugs like dewormers that contain albendazole should not be taken months before the time a woman intends to take in as their components are dangerous to a child. I have learnt from the experiences of women friends and colleagues that I have worked with who have lost babies after travelling with Okada/motorcycle and even buses(and being shaken up by drives over potholes and bumps), wearing high heels, taking alcoholic drinks, pounding food and stuffs on mortar so I have adviced young mothers I have come across to be careful with such things.

The above listed shows that a pregnant woman should avoid situations that should have her shaken up badly or incovenience/stress or cause her distress, it also shows that great care needs to be taken when taking drugs to avoid taking some that can harm the baby.  Are there other things or situations that such women should avoid? . You can share your views here and if there has been a thread that has addressed this issue in nairaland that you know of you can give me the link. Many young ones are really being careless out there and they need to be put right as it ends up affecting the babies. I will appreciate your contribution. Thanks!

Heard talks that there's plan in the offing to officially come and recruit more doctors from Nigeria, send me a mail and I will direct you the address to google and apply in. I'm busy and can't really help make the application personally. Sorry about that, it's worth making a trial, you may succeed.

sylve11:
@ poster, kindly visit this church

Mr. Sylve
OMG you had me rolling with laughter with that our "Run for your life church" sign board, you are the best comedian in town.

@Poster
It wasn't nice your girlfriendy knew about some plans to get you killed and didn't quickly let you know. Better cut yourself out of the triangle boy, if there's even a way you can chat up the ex and let him know that you are out of the race, he will chill.
Some men only knows to react aggressively in the face of competition and you are better off having him as a friend than an enemy, that's one great weapon to overcome an enemy, act like you are friends and blimey you are out of his mind and all the fight is gone out of him. The only person I pity is the gf at the apex of the triangle cos when the competition ends the aggressor might lose interest again and our poor gf may be left with neither you nor the aggressor.

plappville:
He is been mummy's boy, tell him to grow up.
My hubby was doing same thing befor when we were dating, I always call him mummy's boy and tell him to go back to his mum belly so thaT he can be reborn to earth, this hurt him so much. But his case his different as he is a single child.
Some men are very fund of their mum, not that they meant bad reporting to their mum, they are not aware of the damage this could course if the mother is that jobless type that will start thinking (ooo this girl won't to finish my son abi?) bun her and work on your hubby.
How did I put a stop to it? Sat him down and talk with him maturedly, ask him if he will be happy if I do the same, he said no. I tell u since then he has grown matured, some times the mother gets updates from me now not from his son lol. So the work is in your hands, don't use voilence. Hope this work for u too.

Beautiful! You handled that well girl, poster u can as well borrow a leaf from Miss Plappville. You should ensure balance. Enlightening and teaching him (that he should man up enough to make his decisions and handle his scenes without running to mama) without demeaning him or making him feel like he is being treated like an ignorant child. In order words you will be doing the teaching without him knowing that he is actually being schooled. You should use much words of appreciation and compliments to the point that he will be feeling so good about himself that he won't realize that you are the teacher here,respecting him in the process to avoid pushing him to the other side of the extreme.

@Cap
If one take your theory that the West are deliberately going after the wealth/oil of other countries to heart, it will make one wonder whether the human race is really as evolved as our technology, development and intelligence has made us believe. The common saying "the survival of the fittest" comes to mind. Human seems not to have evolved as we all tell ourselves that we have if it's all the same (selfish scrambling with no consideration for others) that is supposed to exist in the animal kingdom alone.

@Horus
You definitely can't be serious about the European union's decison in Geneva to exterminate 33 souls in oder to have control of resources, what's your source? It really sounds hard to believe.

Today's news has it that the rebels are fast regaining the control they seem to have lost last week. We all know that war involves loss of lives, on that note what other form do you think or can you suggest that can be employed to quell the Libya political problem? Do you think that dialogue and negotiation (which seems to be the solution the AU are suggesting) can work?

A U.S.-led coalition began air strikes against Libya a week ago to establish a no-fly zone over the oil-exporting North African country and to try to prevent Gaddafi from using his air force to attack people rebelling against his rule. What do you think of that move? Do you support it or are you against it? The move was described in the words of a writer as:

The Goldilocks military plan: Not too much, not too little, not too unilateral, not too American. The operation against Muammar Gaddafi's regime in Libya mirrors the moderate temperament of its architect, Barack Obama. But will it work in the rough realities of international politics? Is Obama's package a wise one?
Methinks it was wise of him to limit the US participation in it yet I am wishing that there is a less forceful solution to Libya's problem than that that will not involve the loss of lives in the course of war.

Hope our girl is safe-o-o?? Amen o-o-o

by Olamide
i lost my son 6weeks and 1 day ago. its the worst thing that can happen to anyone. he was 24weeks old and was very healthy only that he was too young to breathe on his own. To say i am traumatized is putting it lightly but nothing in life seems to interest me anymore. he died in my arms, looked exactly like me and had his dads hair.

Ola sweetie take heart dearie, You will have another child soon okay Baby. I feel your pain. You are right joy surely comes in the morning.

by Gen Buhari
abiop,
Do you have a strategy for ensuring that u are baby dancing on the right days?
My wife and I have sex every other day between between day12 and day18 of her cycle.
very true
Someone I heard about falls pregnant when they have sex during her period.
ideally one should have sex consistently every 2 or 3days regardless of cycle, but someone like me we low-ish sperm count prefers to allow my body to build up sperm and target the fertile period (which could vary from woman to woman)

@GenBuhari
Brother It's very nice of you carrying the ladies on, cheering them on and being all mature and down to earth about pregnancy, you are a source of inspiration. May God be your strength. May God bless you and give you your heart's desire.

While BD, ladies mustn't just fix rigid dates and concentrate on the dates and lose sight of their body signs that will indicate more clearly when the ovulation is at hand. For example my ovulation days varies sometimes, it can be on the 11th or 12th or more and most times I know when I am ovulating because I get the mittelschmertz pain etc. What I am trying to say that if I fix dates to BD and while concentrating much on it and being rigid with numbers lose sight of my body signs, I may be defeating my aim. Ladies should be advised to get the kits that can help them ascertain the Ovulation period if they can't place their OV signs good, this will enable them BD on the perfect dates. All in all I am praying for all of you guys.

@Abiop
Looking for Broccoli? It's one of my favs too, check the Goodies supermarkets in Lagos, they have a branch close to Oniru in Victoria Isl, in the same street with that very big mall/supermarket, is  it called mega plaza or what, not sure again. There's another Goodies supermarket at Apapa, ask around, they may have it. Somebody has a big vegetable mart in front of their shop. Better still google their shop and make a call to find out first before going. It is going to be well brother. Amen

@Lola202 
Don't give up Sweetie, joy may just be around the corner!

Give her a chance for rehabilitation and change by letting her go through counselling or something. I don't believe in all these "freedom of sexual orientation between men/men and woman/woman", it can be unlearned if learned already, some people take it as a kind of sophistication to acquire and stuff but we humans must watch it. What happens in decades to come and parents begin to arise to say that it's their children they want to bed, should we all smile at that sexual orientation?

Such a wify should be encouraged to unlearn that and if she is not interested in doing so, the final decision is with the husband but if I am in his position and she sticks to that after I tried to help her quit that, then imma divorce she(excuse my slang) and get on straight up!

Oh Baby! Don't be sad, you are lucky to have escaped that experience early enough rather than when you are already married only to be deserted when poverty comes calling. Dust up yourself and keep smiling and very soon you are gonna attract a better Adamma to yourself.

Oh me Lawd!

@Poster
There's no need crying over spilt milk and regretting why you married him. Don't cry and get on unhappy dearie. Your man does not have a very good mindset if he can tell you something like "You think you came to enjoy money, you didn't think before leaping" but that does not make him a bad person. All the same it may be that he is venting his frustrations on you through those words, sometimes we all get angry and say unpretty stuffs. Some new and young couples when faced with financial difficulty undergo such frustrations and unhappiness.
Don't give in to that situation of lack, pick courage. You can smile tommorrow okay. Picture you and your husband in a state of abundant wealth and abundant love and start working towards it. It's possible that things can turn around for you two. As you have no means of livelihood yet, study harder and graduate well so that soon you can earn too and improve your condition.
See the positive in your husband and give him much love because he needs it thru this trying period. If he is very rich now, I am sure that you will not be feeling this unhappy and envisaging divorcing him. The good news is that he can be rich tommorrow! It is true that we all gravitate to good things and comfort but sweetie no condition lasts forever, even the riches may come today and tommorrow you may lack again.
You have a beautiful future girl! Don't cry, be happy, be hopeful, stand by him. Joy comes in the morning!

My husband made a confession to me after sex last  nite. [b]There was a lady whom he claims is just a friend and who always came to the house when I travelled abroad to have the baby last year. He told me last nite that he almost slept with her twice. He said he got to the extent of sucking her bosoms but he got scared and didn't finish.
What beats me is that in the past whenever I complained abt this lady's constant visit he told me that she was a strong christian and was encouraging him spiritually and even prays and sends bible verses to him. He also told me that everyone is not like me that if I don't trust myself alone with a man some ppl do trust themselves.
Again b4 I gave birth this lady told him that she had a dream that I died that he shld pray. Later she tld his friend that she was in love with him.[/b]I am really angry. I couldn't sleep last nite. I had to sleep in the palour. I was still sulking this morning even though I gave him brkfast but he didn't show any remorse. He was more like feeling like a conqueror of women. I feel like taking my baby and leaving him.
I am soooo hurt.

It was nice he fessed up and was able to resist the temptation half way, that says a lot about his devotion to you. The problem stemmed from the visits the said lady pays him when you are not in the country under the guise of his spiritual counsellor. What kind of spiritual adviser visits a man only when his wife is out of sight and far away from the country? Come to think of it I was wondering whether she was prophesying to him at that moment that the s*ckery (ekpele o my people) was going on. .
It isn't enough reason for you to up and leave your marriage, the problem has to be rooted out, you two need to discuss to enable you let him know as lovingly as possible (not angrily) that in as much as it was good of him to have resisted the temptation half way that you are hurt. He has to understand that such friendships with a woman like that (somebody that has already expressed to his friend that she is in love with him) is not good for your marriage.

The other branch/stem of this is his need to feed his ego which may be what you are referring to as him feeling like a conqueror of women, You seem to be feeding him good food while leaving his ego to starve of attention, appreciation. Find ways to start building his ego through compliments and acts of love that lets him know that he is appreciated. Never take him for granted because he is your husband and you have him, when other women out there feeds his ego for him, he may get distracted from you as the spiritual director seem to be doing already. Better still, build a prayer life with him and lovingly steer him away him from accepting prophesies from people before he returns home to you someday with some prophesy that says that you two should end.

@Be Sincere
There's nothing wrong with dating somebody that is that younger than you if the two of you are comfortable with your age differences. Just the other day a colleague of mine was telling me about his wife who is 38 while he is 32 and during his conversation confided that he prefer dating women who are older than him. Most men nowadays are no more following those traditional rules of old that makes men go for women younger than them.

The first problem that the age factor poses is in the paces of the two of you in the relationship. Are your paces aligned or misaligned? For example is he still concentrating on other stuffs and not thinking of marriage while you on your own side wants to settle down? In that case you are better off without the relationship as there is a misalignment in the relationship which may not augur well for you.

Your guy seem like a mature person from what you have said about him and he seem to want a family like you do too. I will advise you give him a chance and get to know whether you two are compatible. It's nice of him to have deviced that part about you guys not telling friends your rightful age, like the last poster commented I think that it's better to be frank about it to avoid any misunderstanding that may arise from that someday.

The  second problem that may arise is in your comfortability. Are you comfortable with it enough to not keep thinking that he may leave you for somebody younger some day? He also seems to be reassuring you good which is sweet of him, if you like him and want to give him a chance try not to concentrate and whine about the age differences for that may push him to that very place you fear most. In order words you have to take away the fears and insecurities to be able to handle it.

@Poster
The fact that you are having second thoughts about that which made you open a thread to get advice is an indication that it does not feel right to you. Do you want us to tell you to do the wrong thing? No Baby, do the right thing, flee temptation.

Genius100:
Anyways, as for me sha, I find it very difficult to believe this story. The whole angle about sending food stuff from Nigeria for her to sell does not gel with common realities in the U.S. There are simply too many people on Nairaland lying their asses off.
But if the story is true, ol boy, move on with your life. Moving on with your life gives you the best chance for happiness. Even if you want her back, moving on with your life is the best way to make it happen.

@Genius100
I am beginning to agree with you on the authenticity of this thread after rereading the comments of the poster. It's seeming 50% wavering for now.
All the same guys please don't fuel this disagreement or call any of these two ladies names for they are mature ladies/mothers who some of us hold in high esteem and are surprised to read this ongoing feuds of words between them.

[/b]Ladies is there really need to go to this extreme? You sure can advice the poster while respecting the views of the other. [b]Are these beautiful energy being expended by you beautiful ladies really worth it? You two are simply too mature for this, how will you feel if this turns out to be an unreal story?

We ladies should not allow ourselves to be driven to that point where we start throwing our status, knowledge, family, children in the face of our fellow women. We are mere mortals and not God that blesses one with family, knowledge, children etc What you have this minute, may not be there the next minute. Ask the Japanese that were counting their property, children,husband, wife, companies the minutes before the earthquake and tsunami made away with them. These things some of us cling to and boast and ridicule others with can extinguish out in a jiffy/second.

@poster
What started all these growing apart between you two is the distance that separated you. How about bridging that distance and making effort to go meet her there and discuss things out,  that move may save the marriage or give you a clear direction of what to do instead of getting worked up about what she said on the phone.

Her reasons may be that she met somebody else or that the comfort of her present environment is giving her cold feet about returning home, if that is the case you two can discuss as man and wife and decide what is best for your family.
Take it easy, things may sort itself out for good you never know.

@Poster
Your case is redeemable Ojare. The weapon you need is "soft word", that weapon is soft but real mighty.
If he is spiritually below you then start bringing him up to your level, don't let the level/class he is in your church define your man for you. You are lucky that he goes to church at all because in some parts of the world the youth do not know about fellowshipping in church at all.

He prefers to shower only at night, you can get him to start showering in the morning too. Soft words girl! Promise him gifts if he can humour you and take a morning shower, better still lure him into the shower one morning and give him a shower yourself. Many a great women have married men who are very much below them in knowledge/class/wisdom and they have humbly brushed them into Gents with great finesse, where did I hear about a lady lecturer/head of department that married the lab attendant in her department and supported him till he got a degree? Many women are helping their men get degrees, certifications etc Some women's husbands clean cesspits for a living and carry all kinds of stuff on their body home and their wife still love them along with the dirts.

For the other parts
That he beats a child to coma, that is serious and should be discouraged. Your pastor or your mother or father should rebuke him on that before he splashes your family on the faces of newspaper or something, nobody wants her husband locked up and serving time for murder neither do you want your child dead. Pray for and with him too that God may grant him a heart soft enough to tolerate kid's misdemeanors.

It's not nice of him to have misled you with such issues as the state he is from or his other child. In a society like ours where people run four forty from a single person when he/she mentions baby mamas and baby fathers, it is forgivable that he did not tell you about the child in order not to lose you but for him to tell you that he is from where he isn't IS REAL HUGE yet it shows how much you did not know him/relate with him before you married him. Our "you-are-worth-nothing-if-you-ain't-married" Nigerian society sure influenced you into it all yet [/b]you can still make it work for you just like you can throw it away and walk out of it. I encourage you to humbly work at it and make it work for you, [b]arm yourself with UTMOST EQUANIMITY, ENDURANCE, PATIENCE and never forget SOFT WORDS.

Poster
Your reason for wanting to settle down is a good one yet it wasn't enough reasons dearie. If we all deci de to settle for that reasons we may all end up in tight corners but you are here for advice not to be blamed. Two things seem to be happening to you right now.
It's either there is something dreadful about him (which you are yet to mention) that you are finding hard to relate to OR
You may just be developing jitters and cold feet from trying to get used to being with him (or can it be that the pregnancy had you uncomfy?).

As you are here to seek the solution to the problem, check whether what it is that is making you want out is redeemable/changeable. Marriage is not "a-sweet-all-the-way" thing, it's sweet and nice to have your husband/partner/companion/lover but when the realities of the everyday drudgeries of life set in, the two people involved may get on each other's nerves. In marriage there are times of bounty, there are times of scarcity, sicknesses may even come, some people have been unfortunate enough to wade through disabilities/terminal illnesses of their spouse. It's one long journey with another which we all pray & wish that it be nice for us all.

If what is making you want out is a little thing that irks you, a minor issue that does not pose threat to your life, lack of love for him or on his part then you should start facing up to the reality of marriage sweetheart and communicate & work hand in hand with him to resolve issues. All in all don't bottle it up, if its something you can't talk about here, let it out to mature adults (other than your mum if she is seeming to want you married at all cost) around you and have their views.

Okay Baby.

ifyalways:
lol
Can u speak Batu?
Is your fathers compound on map?
Are you that lady that one aboki was playing with her thing?The one that said we should not go to Benin Republic because one aboki or Igbo man was playing with her thing?

I was merely being friendly when I joked and supported you about your becoming the first lady, could it be that you misunderstood me? Sorry I was only making a jolly good joke because I was amused by your former comment. Do bear with me and forget my joke if it offended you, I am deleting it off this minute. Smile!

mutter:
You have one big OBSTACLE to your happiness and that is you.

You are an educated man that works and carries responsibilities. Do your parents follow you to work and take decisions for you
Wake up and be a MAN. Te role of your parents now os to advice you and not to control you.

Do they live with this woman or know her as you do? Probably they will never be happy with your choice no matter who.
Better to be unhappy with someone you love rather than someone you don`t love.

If I were the girl I would have asked you to take a hike because you are not in control of your home.
A man is the head of his home-
not his father and not his mother.

So with all your education you are still enchained and enslaved in all this "visions" etc. I call it Psychological terror and blackmail.

Now you need advise?
Take your girl fix a date at the registry or church and get married - Privately.
Your parents will come around and have to accept your decision. , or at the very least respect it.

By the way. No human being can predict the death of another.

This is the advise of a mother who has children of marriageable age.

When you were a kid your parents were strong and you weak. Now is the time tat the tables turn.
You now become the stronger one and the they weaker. Your duty as a son is to make them happy by showing them care and affection in their old age.
That is your first duty!
If you now make yourself unhappy. You will always hold it against them.
SO choose your wife and be happy. That way you can show them love.
The secret is that no one will ever impose on you what you reject in life.
Stand your ground

Boy, you heard it right from a "been to"

mutter:
Yes I made my choice and when it did not work out, I had only myself to blame.
My second marriage was met wit even stronger opposition but I went ahead and thank God that I did.
It took my family time to adjust to it but now all is well.
MY husband also met with strong disapproval for marrying a divorcee with kids and that was his first marriage.
But today we are happy we did what we wanted.

Ivynwa and the other onlookers claps and gives Mutter a standing Ovation. Ride on "Sis", I am mighty happy for you.

@Poster
Did you get what somebody is trying to tell you, always delete the sites you visit before logging out of your computer . Click on "favorite", when it opens, click on "history", click on "today" and when it opens up all the sites that have been opened in the computer today, right click on any you want to delete and delete it, that way he will not be monitoring you. Better still, get another Nairaland username where you can communicate with Nairalanders as he already has the password of this username. You can open another thread and give us a clue that that is you (this is to enable you make your escape without his knowledge or get the help you need before he kills you)and leave this thread alone for us to tell him the pieces of our mind like Abeke has already started doing, who knows he may even be brought to his senses after hearing it from Nairalanders.

I mean what kind of "bush-man-weakling/slave-driver" is that that knows to flexx his manhood on a poor 25 years old child? Let him keep slaving around your posts in NL so that people like me can tell him what we think of him. He beats you and as if that is not enough gets weapons to use on you. He is a BEAST. Yes Mister, I hope you heard me right?? You excommunicated the poor girl from everybody and had her in the house like a prisoner in the name of marriage. You are DERANGED, I hope you heard me again?? How could you be committing that kind of abomination against humanity and against womanhood.

Poster you are better off alive without him than dying with him or even death under him. Haven't you heard of a woman that was in your position, taking in all the abuses and today she looks like a monster and children run when they see her face. Why? The abusive husband shot her in the face and disfigured her to the point of a monster. Don't stay there and wait for him to take away all your self worth and beat you into a pulp until you are dead. You don't have to wait on death because you have no father to return to, seek help from the Nigerian embassy or an NGO, get a job and help yourself. Whatever wealth he has today, you can achieve it someday so don't stay dependent on his deadly help which is only a noose around your neck waiting to be knotted up. You can return to Nigeria if you don't want to be out there alone by yourself and get accommodated by your relatives or something until you can find your feet.
NONSENSE, S-T-U-P-I-D WIFE-MOLESTING-SHE-MAN! MTSCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I feel like hissing till the morning comes. MTCHEW

@Mutter
I admire you greatly for your courage and strength. It takes that for a lady to delve into the future on her own and with kids and I am mighty glad that when you did that you found your feet, your self, a wonderful man and a better marriage. I saw where somebody made a tactless reference to your past 2 days ago (typical of nairalanders that tactlessly use delicate issues one has shared in the forum on one) yet you proudly stood up for yourself and made a great example to another confused person. I agree that marriage should be forever but not marriage in which a man wants to beat a woman to death. What forever is such a woman waiting for? there sure isn't a forever therein unless she wants the forever to be fast-forwarded to a forever now in the grave. Excuse me! Mtcheww

A thousand thumbs up to this great site (on its special day) that has been a source of community news, an avenue of socialization and entertainment (endless laughter), a wealth of knowledge (I mean I came across this site https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-104493.1920.html the other day and tripped for NL).
May it continue to grow from strength to strength, I am happy for its owner too that God blessed the work of his hands. It is not every venture one delves into that becomes fruitful. Thanks to God who blessed this venture for him. Amen, Amen, Alleluiah----Everybody make some noise! Ivynwa claps and claps.

Blueice is right you know.
You shouldn't be running from your fears like that but should discuss them and communicate proper with him.

Dude may have handled things wrongly but it could be because of the fear of rejection by you. Perhaps he is uncomfortable about letting a woman know that he already has 4 children and started with telling you about only two for a start, same thing with his height issue.
Naturally humans want to look their best before their love interest which may be why he first showed the pictures of him looking nice and sweet and stuff. He went to the extent of wooing over your mum by sending her stuffs (Yes he shouldn't have done it behind you) but it did take a little "caring" and "wishing for you" from him. It seems he cares about you which was why he thread softly with his fears. Talk out your fears and get to know him better. He is either of this two: wonderful or heinous, and the only way you can know which is knowing him better.

[/b]His "sins" are forgivable unless he disgusts you in that case you may have made the right decision by calling it quits. In as much as there are more to persons than their height and one should also consider the inner qualities of a person too yet[b] it's good to be honest to yourself even when you know that you need a man in your life. This is a man you will be with if you get married to him and if you can't stand him then you mustn't suffer him.