₦airaland Forum

here are however,  a lot of black people in the west who secretely hate being black - this is played out in many ways, one example being the promotion of black beauty by the western corporate media by using mixed race women as a representation of black beauty - almost every "black woman" used to promote black beauty in the west is of mixed race origin (Halle Berry, Vanessa Williams, Beyonce) as opposed to India Irie, Lauren Hill or any black woman who does not have obvious europeans facial features or skin tone.

cap28,

so why do you think white fashion designers prefer to use dark skin black girls sometimes over light skin ones?
whereas black entertainers prefer to use light skin or mixed models.

to me the promotion of mixed race women as being more beautiful (at least presently) is propagated by we blacks ourselves!!! not by whites.
most black entertainers will tell you in a heart beat that they prefer lighter skin, long straight hair girls in their videos etc. majority of their audience is black by the way.

case in point: I think a dark skinned african looking girl with nappy hair will be found more beautiful by whites than by blacks.

which goes back to Ndipe's comment that we need to embrace our selves before asking other races to do the same.

Ndipe:
At first, I would have sided with the critics, but upon reflection, I have to ask, why do we get so sensitive when someone, be they black or white, paints themselves BLACK? Our skintone come in varying hues of skin complexion, like the Ghanaians, who can be very dark like charcoal. Not being sarcastic, but lets embrace our culture and celebrate our skin color.

I agree. the sensitivity mostly comes from inferiority complex in my own opinion.
being dark like charcoal is considered inferior to being light among AAs.
when whites take up on these feelings that already exist in our society, then we become really offended.

ex. don imus comment about "nappy headed hoe" and the outrage that followed suit.
he was only repeating what we blacks already do to disparage ourselves. why are we ashamed that our inferiority complex has been revealed to the world?

even words like the "n" word. it's ok for us to use it on ourselves but it's racist and insensitive if whites do the same.

I really don't get it.

Hmm, well, my own sensitivity comes from personal experience with racism. I never gave a hoot before I experienced it. I didn't celebrate MLK Jr., Day, I wasn't a supporter of Black History Month and never celebrated it because, as a Nigerian born and raised in America, I felt it wasn't of my concern. I come from a family of immigrants, so, then, wetin concern me for Black History Month and MLK Day? I would think that, in most cases, people change from personal experience, and not because of what they read in a book.

are you saying immigrant blacks don't experience racism?
or they don't experience as much racism as African Americans?

yea that's because you connected your personal experience to what you read in the book+ your socialization (AA friends etc)!!

ex. an immigrant who experiences racism will conceptualize it differently than an African American who experiences the same form of racism based on their background and education.

ex. if an AA experiences racism, he will connect it to slavery or jim crow or what have you
whereas an immigrant black might connect it to colonization.

doesn't mean the racism experienced by the AA is worse than what the immigrant blacks are experiencing.

this beyonce's black face for example, it is the "history" behind it that makes it "racist". the act itself is not racist. beyonce is black for christsake and was only trying to sell her mom's clothes! not make a joke out of blacks.

even if she were being racist, think about it, the picture there is used to represent Africans (tribal africans) so in reality, it's Africans that should be most pissed. and it's a French Magazine.
so I really don't understand american blacks' outrage.

obojo:
Go Segun Ainze!!! My eye-dol

lwkmd

You have to have lived through it to understand it and unfortunately many nigerians who came to the west as full grown adults do not understand what its like to live in an environment where being black is regarded as a mark of inferiority

This is why some posters on here are saying things like: "whats the big deal", "why cant you move on" whereas blacks who were born and raised in an environment in which they have constantly been told that they are less than, automatically take offence to these pictures.
.

cap28,
what do you mean black adult immigrants do not understand what it is like to live in a racist environment

the sensitivity comes from education (what they have been taught in school) rather than lived experience. african americans or african immigrants who have learned about the history of black face might read into the picture and take offense whereas a black who knows nothing about the history of blackface will see nothing wrong with the picture because it definitely does not look offensive on the surface. it looks pretty in fact

Also, I think that people who are constantly being told that they are inferior will internalize this idea and that's why when Africans come to the US, they are taunted and ridiculed by African Americans who actually now believe that being dark or african is inferior and see in these africans what they are trying to shed from themselves.

I think a lot of sensitivity over beyonce's "black face" exposes some of that inferiority complex. I personally see beauty in that picture not a caricature. although considering the history of "black face" I will agree that it was done in poor taste. The whole outcry is way over the top.

Sense of humor? No offense but it didn't come across as a joke. Even ogugua88 seemed to take it in the manner as I did. Anyway, thanks for clarifying about what you think her reason was for darkening her skin.

more of a funny exaggeration. no offense taken if you didn't get it lol. I mean why would french people be confused by beyonce's natural skin color. 
but yea no problem.

something tells me Mutter is a sort of every man's dream wife.
I don't think I will ever tolerate any of those stuff. I don't have the strength for that

Should we call these racist? even though we might agree that they are not done tastefully


https://clutchmagonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Picture-861-650x365.png

Lara Stone in French Vogue
[img]http://3.bp..com/_N-Z9FEpA4XI/St2ShjTJ19I/AAAAAAAACL4/TFyzl9cHVKc/s640/lara-stone-french-vogue-blackface+(1).jpg[/img]

[quote author=Inked_Nerd link=topic=610995.msg7809090#msg7809090 date=1298795064]Confuse French people about her being black? What's there to be confused about? Even if people couldn't figure out her ethnic background, what does that have to do with anything? And there's no such thing as "looking Black". As Africans, we come in many shades and hues so there is no one look to "looking Black". Alek Wek is not a representation of all of Africa. Just because she indulges the narrow mindedness of Caucasians by portraying a look that that has stupidly become synonymous with Africa doesn't mean that is what Africans look like.[/quote]you're reading way too much into what i said. where is your sense of humor.

besides take a look at the pictures again. especially the one where she has black face and white paint stripes. obviously she was going for the tribal "African look". Yes there is no such thing as African look blah blah blah. but you get the point when I say tribal/bush african look.
the white stripes and outfit look out of place on a woman who looks more Caucasian than African.

Many fashion designers use dark skinned models to pull off that look. But I guess it was Beyonce's editorial so she wanted to model the outfit herself and appear on the cover. she is the celebrity after all. but she should have picked a different theme like maybe safari/tourist etc. I'm sure there are other ways to market the leopard outfits or whatever it is she's trying to market (herself +mom's clothing line).

bottom line:
my guess is that she was trying to go for a tribal look like the pic below, but her skin was too light to pull it off  so she used black paint to make it look more authentic but obvious at the same time. That's what I am guessing anyway. hence it is an opinion lol I'm sure Beyonce herself may come out soon to explain why she used a "black face." I put black face in quotation because I don't think what she did is a black face ie the racist definition. That's like me putting a white sheet around myself because i'm cold and somebody else coming to tell me that i'm KKK. the intention matters more. but I agree she should have expected criticism. she wasn't being culturally sensitive
https://unal1a.bay.livefilestore.com/y1mG2_EFPI1Y54s5NltHV9XII97KcrRK-WoVYdRCFNf4dX5xlRfgVTxEeCx1oH6B7FC61fDEFbdqRQm-GRhWi3c19AMG0IqFQFUmGh9UQgzfEWZSKsL3XETJJe2wLbyF7qqvj33n5Jh2SsOPEXgT_utiQ/tribal8.jpg

[quote author=Ileke-IdI link=topic=612962.msg7808883#msg7808883 date=1298791303]The same way they all do?  
How does wearing agbada prevent you from performing any of those tasks? Have you never seen men wear agbada to conventions?

Ok.[/quote]I would feel mighty uncomfortable having that as my work attire lol I wonder how they do it.
unless it's for cultural display only

but then also, I'm not a guy

[quote author=Ileke-IdI link=topic=612962.msg7808859#msg7808859 date=1298790846]He looked like a clown because he was wearing fila abi?
I guess a Tux would have made him look sophisticated.[/quote]yea he's promoting yoruba culture blah blah. 

but it's all too extravagant don't you think? how does he sit, sign papers and perform executive duties etc efficiently without all the clothes getting in the way. lol

I was just making jest anyways. don't mind me

^^he looks like a clown. not even sure if his eyes are open. I wonder what jimmy carter must have been thinking.

lol. I think she is too light skin for french people's taste and they wanted to darken her to avoid confusion. Beyonce is black after all. they don't want people wondering why she doesn't look black.
and the theme is african bush tribal. It doesn't look as authentic on a light skin model. But they should have picked a darker skin model though like alek wek.
but then beyonce's name is more marketable. she would bring in more profit.
ah the dilemma.




Well I hope l'officiel Paris has learned its lesson:  The easy way out is sometimes a very hard way out.
now they have to do more PR to repair this damage to their image.

yankite:
Well like the saying goes"one mans food is anothers poising"just becuz your freind is beautifull doesn't necessarily
means that she would get Desmond elliot to come ask her out,i mean that if she is more beautifull than that picture in your profile tho,but no to deviate from the point she might be blessed and have that wifey looks to most of this so called
"ugly" guys and most of them might just see inscribe on her face and personality wifee material but i guess she would rather show a cute guy who wants another beeping mate,under the pretence of falling for her,and mind you nobody is
ugly,cuz there is always someone out there who will see them differently,and FYI  U your SELF PWEETY NO BE SMALL WITH

KILLER SMILE,I MIGHT JUST BE THE NEXT UGLY GUY COMING TO HOLLA AT U

you have a good point.
@OP, maybe your friend's personality isn't flashy and more homely. She might be pretty but the way she acts and carries herself may put off the "pretty boys" or players.
like someone already said, like attracts like.

ex.
many of the so called hot guys are ugly/average to me. They just dress and act flashy and have confidence and that's what the women find attractive.

The thing about me is that even though I'm very much 'British' in the way I talk and act I don't even consider myself British. Almost like I have no real cultural leanings to any country as such. I'm not really patriotic towards England anyway, that's not to say I hate England. I don't. I just don't have that strong sense of patriotism.

looking at the bigger picture, this OP's sense of lack of identity probably has to do with racism in the UK. A society where citizenship (in the cultural sense of the word) is reserved for white folks only. and all other races are not welcomed or embraced.

My advice for the OP is to reclaim his british identity. It's ok not to feel Nigerian because you are NOT Nigerian (culturally). You are British. Try to view yourself more as British and don't let anyone deny you of your citizenship.

how many whites with foreign parents have this problem of not belonging? very few I would bet.

I like how you gave examples of whites embracing African cultures and even posted youtube videos to make your point.
and I like this response that OmegaRed gave to explain it:

We Nigerians are loving people thats why you see "oyinbo" folks loving our culture.

If oyinbos were loving people, don't you think Nigerians or other blacks will be embracing oyibo culture too?
It is the bad treatment/rejection blacks get in oyinbo land that make it senseless for you to be patriotic to Britain or embrace it even though it is your land and it belongs to you just as much as any other white.

same thing happens in the US with many African-Americans. Most have never set foot on Africa or have relatives from Africa but they call themselves African-American just because they are looking for a sense of Identity.
whereas whites Irish-americans, Norwegian-americans etc. are accepted as simply american.

so to me,Francis, if you look at the big picture, the problem is racism.
It's not your fault at all

conspiracy theories?

mutter:
Jenifa, marriage no easy OH!!!
It takes patience and maturity. any women will not admit just how hard it can get but at the end of the day you have to take the good with the bad.

I can definitely see that. Kudos to you for handling it well

wow. who would have thunk

ILoveFred,

do you have any female friends? Do you have friends at all? No one to advice you in Poland about your decisions?
You come across as a very lonely vulnerable old woman which is why we are worried for you. But you seem to be happy with your decisions so by all means go for it then!!
goodluck

mutter:
When a woman leaves her married home in such a situation, she does not move to friends but to her parents or at the worse family.
My dear poster you did something very wrong and provocation is a terrible thing that sometimes takes the better of many a decent man.
What did you expect your husband to think? Possible too that it is a friend he does not approve of. You also played a very wrong pat here.
Now I think not only your husband let`s his imagination get the better of him. You too might have that fault. Your daughters health condition, sad as it is, is probably in no way related to the beating he gave you.
Yes your husband has a right to be mad, when you drop of someone. Married women have been known to have affairs. You would have been just as mad.
I think you need to stop involving too many people in your marriage and learn how to be a woman and treat your man like a man!!!Stop taking hi for granted and give him some more respect. I think he only wants you not working because he is afraid of loosing you.
As for the abuses, learn to deal with them maturely.
Once my husband made the bad mistake of mentioning the word ashawo to me.  I was so happy because he had given me a joker to crush him. That night when he approached me in bed, i told him to pay first."Ashawo no be free." I kept using that word that he came on is knees pleading for forgiveness.
So very important get your husband to trust you and start respecting him.

na wa for these kain marriages o 
scary to say the least.

@flak, if you were given the choice to marry your husband or not knowing how things will turn out today, will you still have done it? if yes, then try to work it out. it means you still love him I guess.
I think the best thing is for you to do is to communicate your feelings to him exactly the way you have laid it out on this thread. let him know that you are getting burned out from the verbal abuses. just let him know that you can't take it anymore

if he doesn't change, then just move out for a few months to give yourself a breather. take your kids with you to your family house for a few weeks/months vacation. It's for your own good. worrying/emotional stress is bad for health.

flak:
but it surprises me more that you are looking for 'coping strategies' rather than a way out of it.
I guess you must have concluded that there is no way out and have resigned yourself to fate.

jenifa thanks i will tell you why i resolved to coping strategies. My dad is so angry that my husband has refused me to work though he is quiet about it. I bet what all my family is waiting for is for me to say i am no longer interested and puff A BREAKUP IN REALITY which honestly i have not made up my mind about.

Bear in mind, my parents have been happily married for more than 30 years but he does not believe in one staying in an unhappy marriage.

i hope u understand where i am coming from.

I think I see where you are coming from. I would probably have a hard time too if i were in your shoes and especially 3 kids. Although I might leave the house temporarily while waiting to decide what to do. especially if there is physical abuse/beatings involved.

How long did were you courting for? Has he always been abusive? when did the abuse start and do you know what started it?
were you guys clear on how to divide responsibilities before getting married? ex. who will be working/taking care of kids/ will both of you be working etc or you never discussed all these.

flak:
Some men dont deal well with their wives being too independent

thanks for your response, i have thought so hard and tried to study him to know his reasons and i have reached two conclusions

1. the uncontrolled passion to be in control

2. his jealous nature - correct me if i am wrong- is there anything wrong in dropping off a male colleague along the way on my way home. assuming it is wrong. does it warrant a statement like 'i did not buy u a car to be dropping your male colleagues.'

when he is in his happy mood ,i try to find out why he is so touchy about me relating with the men folk he says he is only being protective.  i really dont get it

he definitely is a control freak.
trying to control your movements and everyday activities.

but it surprises me more that you are looking for 'coping strategies' rather than a way out of it.
I guess you must have concluded that there is no way out and have resigned yourself to fate.

-- well, you can try spending less time with him. I'm not saying you should completely avoid him. but when you know he has started his trouble, just leave his presence and come back after he is more calm.

-- spend a lot more time with your kids and nurture them more. It will serve as an escape from your unhappy marriage/lack of a professional job, but I think it will be good for your children in the long run and make you happier than you are now.

overwhelmed

beauty and the beast

Beaf:
Thank you. Nigeria has a very big problem called laziness and its brought on by corruption and getting free money. We desperately need to move to a system where each state actually produces money, is accountable and disciplined.

People who build such schools should be jailed. Why not just put our kids in a zoo?

Corruption definitely!!
instead of money to be used equally among people or for the most deserving, you find it being rationed to the highest bidder or among politicians' network.

we do need to start holding our leaders more accountable for the way resources are allocated.

and here we have ppl wondering why students are failing WAEC and looking to facebook and smartphones as the possible causes.
isn't the answer so damn obvious?



[quote author=Sisi_Kill link=topic=610337.msg7783214#msg7783214 date=1298429805]The writer is obviously new to Lagos and maybe even the Southwest in general because animal farms and orchards disguised as schools are the norm.[/quote]abi o

why not just grow some in ur backyard? lol

ha let's see how the US and other western countries will react to this one. Gaddafi seem to be in a favorable position with them.

cap28:
Noble words, but the sad truth is nigeria is completely powerless and is totally at the mercy of the west, the current crop of nigerian leaders can not and will never challenge or oppose any IMF proposals. Why? because if they do, the west will ensure that they are removed from power.

Also, often times, these instructions are conditionalities for obtaining loans from the IMF. IMF can't just tell us to do stuff for no reason unless we first go to them to ask for a favor.
ex. if we want a loan, we go to IMF and they tell us what we need to do in order to obtain a loan from them etc.
Many corrupt leaders use this as a way to get money for their private bank accounts. that's why most of the loan we get end up in swiss accounts anyways. and our oil profits are probably being used to pay interest for the loans.
we are just screwed all around.

I wish we had strong leaders to lead us in the right path.

But I do agree with you that there may be some covert operations going on