₦airaland Forum

To add numbers to ur club ten or club ten padi plan, dial *101*2*airtel no#.
@ topic, airtel is the best in terms of call rates, call clarity, call connection and especially internet services. u can even lend up to N500 from the network and pay back instalmentally. this really comes in handy when u really HAVE to make THAT call ASAP.
Best of all, plans are in the pipeline to reduce call tariffs for calls across all network to as low as 10k/second from the first minuite. other networks berra buckle up cos airtel really means business (i should know....i work there).

Hmmmmmmm, since its clear that the Naija police and the media cant give us the clear circumstances sorrounding the escape\release of the queen mother, i guess is time we applied the ulimate wisdom; LOGIC!!!

1. The queen mother is a witch and she used her black magic to disappear and hence excape her captor(cos there is no way in hell a woman of her age could solely out outwit or outrun that level of organised kidnapping)
2. The NPF actually recued her (which is like trying to convince Neil Amstrong that the earth is flat)
3. The kidnappers released her out of the kindness of their heart and a sudden distaste for cool hard naija currency(the perpatrotors are most likely igbo,which makes the above stated impossicant).
4. Money has been parted with as ransom for her release (.)
Meeeen, this wan hard o! no wonder i still dey fail JAMB.

almost made it.....dang!

I believe they are legally allowed to request an individual who fails to respond to summons. How else are they supposed to do their job?

**Subsidy palaver: Reps threaten to arrest Okonjo- Iweala, Aig-Imoukhuede ABUJA —

The House of Representatives, yesterday, threatened to order the arrest of Minister of Finance,Dr Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, andformer Chairman of the Presidential Committee on Verification and Reconciliation of Subsidy Payments, Mr Aigboje Aig-Imoukhuede, for failing to appear before the House Committee on Public Petitions.
Chairman of the House Committee, Hon. Uzo Azubuike, issued the threat at yesterday’s hearing of thecommittee which continued deliberation on a petition presented to it by the Managing Director of Capital Oil and Gas Ltd, Ifeanyi Ubah. Azubuike had said the two personalities had shunned the invitation of the committee twice and their absence was frustrating the investigative work of his Committee.
In spite of the absence of the two personalities, the public hearing went on yesterday with the appearance of the two gladiators, namely Chairmanof Coscharis Group, Mr Cosmas Maduka and Ifeanyi Uba, Managing Director, Capital Oil and Gas IndustriesLimited.
In response to the excuse that Okonjo-Iweala was absent because of the kidnap of her mother, Azubuike said the invitation was not for the minister as aperson but for the Federal Ministry of Finance to put upan appearance and supply the information requested by the committee. C’ttee warns He warned that if the ministry was not represented at the next sitting of the investigative panel, the committee wouldbe left with no other option but to issue a warrant of arrest on the head of the ministry. Aig-Imoukhuede had, through his lawyers informed the committee of his absence on legal grounds.
In the letter, he pleaded that whereas the committee invited him as Chairman, Presidential Committee on Verification ofSubsidy Payments, he had since discharged his role in that committee and submitted a report to the government. According to him, there was, therefore, no more legal grounds for him to function in that capacity.
Aig-Imoukhuede also pleaded that the issues for which he was being invited were already before different courts in Nigeria and abroad, hence discussing them would amount to contempt of the courts.

Source: http:// www.newsnaija.net

heed101: Nonsense! They shld improve on EDGE and 3G jare. Airtel is f u c k i n g slow for my liking or are they a learner

sorry, which part of the amazon are you residing? Cos i browse at the speed of light with the airtel network.

At Ikot Abasa LGA in Akwa Ibom state, th earstwhile ALSCON uses gas for its electricity generation. They also supply electricity to the host LGA. They have had uninterupted power for the past 10yrs. We just need a government with a sincere policy and drive to implement such on a wider scale.

G.E.Jonathan met with the Queen of England. He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me? I want to help Nigeria"
"Well," said the Queen,"the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Jonathan frowned, and thenasked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip off her cup of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom."Please ... send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please." Tony, your mother and father have achild.It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me." "Yes! Very good," said the Queen.
Jonathan went back home to ask N. Sambo, his vice presidential choice the same question. "Sambo, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister.Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Sambo."Let me get back to you on that one..."
He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, one night, he ran into Dora Akunyili Sambo asked, "Dora, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Dora answered sharply, "That's easy, it's me!" Sambo smiled, and said,"Thanks!"
Then, he went back to speak with Jonathan. "Sir,I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Dora Akunyili "

Jonathan got up angrily,frowning he said to Sambo. "No wonder Nigeria isn't moving forward, I don't have intelligent people around me.! You Dummy!
The answer is Tony Blair!

*Chorister docked for allegedly raping church member*
A 25-year-old man, Chukwuma Iheme, was on Wednesday charged before an Ogudu Magistrate’s Court, Lagos, for allegedly attempting to rape a church member. Iheme and his victim were choristers of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), Goshen Parish, Ogudu, Lagos.
The suspect with no fixed address was arraigned on a three count-charge of assault, stealing and rape. He pleaded not guilty to the charge.
Prosecutor Donjor Perizi told the court that Iheme had on Aug. 14 visited Omimi Faith in her residence at No. 1, Samara Street, Elebiju, Ogudu, Lagos, and made sexual advances to her which was turned down by the complainant. “After the refusal, Iheme suddenly jumped on Faith and stripped her naked. In the process, the accused beat the complainant and forcefully twisted her left hand which caused dislocation on her wrist,”Perezi said.
He said that the accused also stole Nokia X3 phone valued at N23, 000 from the complainant, stressing that the accused was arrested following complain by Faith. He said the offences contravened Sections 171, 285 and 260 of the Criminal Code, Laws of Lagos State, 2011. Magistrate B.F Williams granted bail to the accused in the sum ofN50,000 with two sureties in like sum and adjourned the caseto Jan. 14, 2013, for mention.

Sharp guy.....since we cant make proper use of our gas for electricity generation, i guess he wants to show us how.

**Ghana’s President visits Jonathan**

A few days after his election as Ghana’s new leader, John Dramani Mahama has made his first international trip and he headed to Abuja for a meeting with President Goodluck Jonathan at the Presidential Villa.
Briefing state house correspondents after the meeting, the Ghanaian President said while on his way to Equatorial Guinea for the Conference of African Caribbean and Pacific (ACP) Group of States meeting, he decided to call on the Nigerian President topay respect to President Jonathan considering the relations between Ghana and Nigeria.
He said that after his successful election it has become imperative that he visited Nigeria first.
President Mahama sought for Nigeria’s resuscitation of the West African pipeline to enable Ghana use the Nigerian gas for its power generation, saying “I took the opportunity of the visit to discuss with him (President Jonathan) the issue of West Africa Gas Pipeline. As you are aware, it got broken and there wasan accident when they were trying to activate it.” “So, I want President
Jonathan to use his influence to get the pipelineback into operation as soonas possible so that Ghana can continue to receive Nigerian gas to power our electricity generation.” He also condole President Jonathan on the death of his younger brother saying that he missed the funeral which took place on the dayof the elections in Ghana.

#Who you gonna call#
#Ghost Busters#

[quote author=Table Leg ]Fool... It is not a prank![/quote]What?? U sold your sense of humour for 2 cups of Garri?

Chelsea defender David Luiz insists his teammates will make amends for their embarrassing Champions League exit when they return to domestic action at Sunderland on Saturday.
The Blues routed Nordsjaelland 6-1 on Wednesday to secure a first victory under interim manager Rafael Benitez, but it wasn't enough to book a place in the last 16 as Chelsea became the first European champions to bow out at the group stage. It was another dispiriting blow to Chelsea's morale after a torrid few weeks, which featured Benitez being repeatedly jeered by fans unhappy with his links to rivals Liverpool as the team failed to win any of his first three matches. But, although they are out of the Champions League, Brazil star Luiz hopes the dominant performance against Nordsjaelland, and in particular the two goals scored by Fernando Torres, will provide a welcome lift ahead of the Premier League trip to the Stadium of Light this weekend.
"There was embarrassment in the dressing room and also sadness. We won the Champions League last season and to get knocked out after the group stage is a great disappointment," Luiz said. "Now we have to look to the future and try to win the Europa League. The manager has just told us to keep working hard because the team deserves to win games.
"It was a great game from all the players with intensity and quality and we scored more goals, so this is good for the future. "We have a new coach and philosophy and the quicker we get used to it the better for the team."
Depite Luiz's confidence, the premature Champions League exit puts even more pressure on Chelsea's domestic form and Benitez knows he has little margin for error. Last weekend's second half capitulation at West Ham prompted reports -later denied by the club - that owner Roman Abramovich was already planning to draft in former manager Avram Grant as an advisor to Benitez. And the Spaniard must halt a decline that has left Chelsea without a win in their last seven Premier League games or face more questions about his ability to see out the full term of his seven-month contract.
The woeful recent run means Chelsea go into the latest round of league matches in third place but with only goal difference separating them from fifth. And with Benitez's side set to miss the following weekend's fixtures while they are at the club World Cup in Japan, their position could get worse before they face Aston Villa on December 23.
To make the situation even worse, the Blues will be without John Obi Mikel, who has been suspended for three games and fined £60 000 after admitting an FA charge of using threatening and/or abusive and/or insulting words and/or behaviour. The charge relates to an incident in referee Mark Clattenburg's changing room after the defeat to Manchester United when Mikel believed the referee had racially abused him. Clattenburg was cleared of any wrong-doing.
Benitez might benefit from comparing notes with Martin O'Neill, the Sunderland manager whose future has come under increasing scrutiny with the Wearside club just one point above the relegation zone. O'Neill was forced to deny rumours he offered to resign last month as he deals with growing unrest from supporters who have seen their side win just two of their last 22 Premier League games.
The former Aston Villa and Celtic boss remains confident he can turn things around, but acknowledges the frustration of fans. "The frustration that seems to pervade here is nothing new to me. It's not surprising either," he said. "The football club hasn't won anything for 40 years and it's about time we did. They're frustrated after a lot of false dawns.
"It'll take us some time to get out of this and be a proper team, but when we do, it will hopefully be worth it."

Source:
supersport.com/football/barclays-premier-league/news/121207/Chelsea_will_make_up_for_Euro_woe_Luiz

Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini says his team simply cannot afford to lose Sunday's derby against Manchester United and go six points behind their fierce rivals.

"They can lose. They have three points more. We have three points less and we can't lose," the Italian told reporters on Friday. Champions City, unbeaten in 15 Premier League matches this season, won both encounters with their neighbours last season en route to a first league title in 44 years, including a 6-1 defeat of United in the first clash. However, Mancini said United were always favourites because of their pedigree over the past two decades. "We can't change the history. We are here (for) only two years, playing together, and they are used to playing this game for the title race for 20 years.
"This is normal when you play against a team that won everything in the last 15 years. You can't change this in two or three years and you need more time. For this reason, they have a small advantage. "In this moment United are favourites but the season is long."
Mancini highlighted United's purchase of Arsenal striker Robin van Persie as a big momentum shift before the current season got underway. "They were a strong team and then they bought Van Persie and (Shinji) Kagawa. They put another player that scores 25 goals into the squad," he said.

This is what a call STOMACH UPSET!

Any learned fellow in the house? Please is there any legal distinction between an offense and a crime? For instance if walk across a highway in Lagos and and i am accosted by KIA officials, is that a crime or an offense?

This post has been Bombed!

I ll rather watch porn.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus!
my belle o! the guy mopping the flooded street! Chai, Abasi Mbok

Chanchit: Na wah o, as the gurl join today, una don run see her bo obs. Na magicians full this place o.

how u sabi say she join today........if u have not checked her out youself?


me likey those booooobies also!
sorry pweety
shawty.....

height of ingenuity.

Porting my other two lines to Airtel.....Airtel is the best thing to ever happen to GSM telephony in Naija.

nice collection there......luvd the one with the haircut n a shave. LWKMD.

Akwa Ibom ado O.K.

Guys, just send ur CVs,av just comfirmed it from my inlaw who works there. Goodluck guys.

Billy, u r confusing me. Either u posted this while still under the euphoria of d event u partook in or something really 'Holy Spiritual' happened to ya.

DROOOOOOGGGGBBBBA!

Olodo 1: Discipline is good but bad discipline st.U.Pid.

Sent from my Galaxy S IV

who gives a shit, weda u send am from ur triump XViii! Mumu.......