₦airaland Forum

if i was u,i would

1]go on a serious date with her with no walls up(women cant keep a thing,she would definitely tell you what killed her husband)

2]change the dynamics of the relationship by telling her you've always wanted her even b4 her maiden advance and destroy her pride
by telling her her threat lowered her share price which you had ajudged as premium

3]tell her to win ur heart if she is woman enough and that u dont see her as a prostitute so why would you sleep with her without sending her

4]grow some balls,and start calling her by her first name and treat her like a contemporary

5]the battle is always fought and won in the mind,destroy her ego and she will either leave u or start stalking you

@ginky,

what kind of person do you really think i am? there's gist and it is usually different from reality.the truth however is every thing begins to become boring once the girl begins to show interest.

i wish some girls realized this about some guys and up their game.i soooooo love drama and the more drama she gives,the longer our encounter.wham,bam ,thank u mam is sooooooooooo boooooring.no dialogue,no clashing of wits,no spontaneous responses,sadly boring

@poster

every time a guy walks up to you,he is practicall saying lets go to maiduguri.ur first smile to first word shows you would go eventually depending on a million things like looks,education,economic status etc

now maiduguri is ''intimacy or copulation'' and there are 1 million ways to get there.forget the incessant phonecalls,the movies,the valentine surprise,the supposed romance,he compares you to his mother,he gave you a key to his pad,the chinese dinners,the english breakfasts he brought u in bed,the way he adores you in front of his friends etc.

just like going to maiduguri,u can go by rail,road,camel or air.some trips will be adventurous but slow,others will be over before they are even started but at the end of the day you are in maiduguri and it must happen.

after the deed you now really hear everything the guy meant to say    

@tipsydude,

ur comment is one of my mostest favourite ever since i started dropping by here.how do those boys say it ''your head dey there''

now a bit of education.16 in the u.s is like 18 in naija and it is the culture of the rich over there to indulge their kids on their 16th birthday.shit loads of you hera are too young to analyse p diddy.this guy is black entertainment personified and he has been relevant for 18 years and he is only 40.

this guy was worth 350 million back in the late 90s when only master p was judged to be worth more.master p is broke now but diddy is a recurring name on the forbes celebrity 100 and last year only jay z made more.hate him or like him,in 97 he said 10 years from now we'll still be on top.this is 13 years after.someone mentioned mary j blige,how about jodeci,craig mack and who groomed usher DIDDY.

A new decade after and toddlers back then are raving about how wacked diddy is.who had the no 1 single in the world in 97.how many hip hop stars had great reviews for a retaurant,clothing line and tv production.he might not have money like back then but you cant ignore him cos he is relevant and makes at least $30mm every year out of which 360,000 is peanuts.

una no watch beverly hills 90210 or more recently my super sweet 16.this gesture is even tired among american celebrities.abeg free the guy,i love diddy die!!!

i use to think the whole immorality and church choirs was just a cliche but reading through it seems most people are already used to this.una no dey fear??

@JIDOBABA

dont be scared,i aint fighing back.i only wish you could pay tithe on the amount of fun i have had in my short life,and soon you would have inspiration to write volumes about one seemingly mundane encounter.

now jide,pls get back to work cos you dont want to get into an exchange with someone that is permanently on leave.for all you know your chick might just be typing this response while i dictate after which,

@edwardd

pls learn to properly link your thoughts and writing cos you appear rather incoherent and you write like you are talking and oops !!! it sounds reta, rded.

so it is not nigerian to stalk?well i disagree.with the advent of phones and facebook,u can creepily stalk or be renowned for notoriety in a virtual world where u dont even have to know people to communicate flirtingly or intimately with them.and in my opinion nigerians can bother oooooo.

i have a short attention span when it comes to women,not because i am alarmingly good looking or wadded,but because i am very busy and somehow growing up i developed a flair for the right words.my point,every encounter simply becomes a boring routine until proven otheeerwise.

some girls dont understand or know how to interprete a guy's attention and foolishly they assume they are all that and a bag of chips.

i met a girl 2 weeks ago in a very corporate setting in lagos,and at this point i was just extremely bored.[No 1].she was pretty but i didnt think too much of her cos of her office.u know those work settings that you just think no make am at all.her boss instructed her to lead me to another part of the organisation and we didnt really communicate apart from the courtesy she accorded me.her carriage was amazing and fortunately she walked ahead giving me ample room and time to analyse her body language.at some point she noticed me checking her out and just smiled[now i thought only a flirt would accept flirtation].we had not yet talked as of now and so i started by challenging her customer service,leaving me behind and walking far ahead.

i got the shock of my life.she was like a pretty HYUNDAI,so i expected the sleek body but cheap interiors.However i saw the HYUNDAI and when i walked through the door i suddenly found myself cocooned in flawless elegance.the BUGATTI or BENTLEY experience.

i had maintained eye contact and engaged her in conversation close enough to say the air around her was enchanting and when she opened her mouth it was pure heaven.she no speak fonee ooo,but her tonation and phonation were on point.she was gentle,made sense,spoke in perfect tenses and engaged and disengaged you with a brilliant display of etiquette.wetin i for do?my expectations were shattered beyond repair and now i had to come to terms with a sudden surge in this chick's share price and my proximity to a live angel.i was hooked,lined and sinkered      

now how does this relate to the post?make she give me no,she say make i memorise her office no ,barely speaking the digits as she walked away.i wan die as i begin find phone for pocket to store the no.this heightened my attraction and unusually me,i called her office within the hour.after several attempts she finally gave me her gsm no but that didnt stop her from being evasive.

i dont know how many times i called the first few days,but they sure werent few.i did my phone thing and soon she was giggling and ooooing and then a barrage of text messages,i wont call them creepy but they were intended to break her.i try small sha and she had to admit i was getting to her but she was pretty certain this was was a hobby for me[she was right and wrong]

right cos it started as a hobby,wrong cos i was now genuinely attracted to her but she still wont let me see her.wetin i no yan but she had this gentle way of just rebuffing.so one day i jokingly told her to wakaa joo[via text]cos i was tired of the constant posting and promised her a fortune if i ever called her again.we were already vibin on phone and so rather than the drama i was expecting,she cut me off.

i call tire[i felt like a stalker]but she no pick.and so i had to send her the most creative set of text messages ever,but she no greee ooo.i felt woman pain for the first time in forever.naa me suppose dey run and not the other way round.the more she ignored me,the more i wanted to say one more thing i hoped would change her mind.and sincerely she didnt leave my mind and how could i think of anything of anything else.

guess what saved the day? the land line no she gave me.i figured she couldnt reject an official call and besides dey no fit get caller id for that in office.and so i called the no,and how soothing to hear her voice welcoming me and asking me how she could help me.i called her name and said i was sorry with my most sincere tone ever.she didnt drop and she didnt say a word.she eventually asked us to talk later and i knew the deadlock was over.now we are back and i am suspecting tables are turning and in a bit i go wetin

RUN FOR DEAR LIFE    

a cheating wife in nigeria has already signed her divorce papers

however a cheating husband will cheat,get caught,blame it on the alcohol,lack of wifey's attention to her looks and his needs,the tummy that neeeds tucking,wifey's incessant nagging etc.he will apologise after all hell has been let loose plus a myrriad family and friends' intervention.

but guess what, he will do it all over again

@kobojunkie

u troblesome shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

may all you wicked nairalanders find help in time of need .AMEN

@KOBOJUNKIE

I SEE YOU      

God save us from poverty,see as the future of Nigeria on nairaland dey exhibit unrestrained POVERTY.

YOU CAN NEVER BE BETTER THAN THE WAY YOU THINK AND NOW I REALIZE SOME OF YOU WHEN YOU BECOME GOVERNORS AND SENATORS WILL NOT HAVE AN OUNCE OF COMPASSION IN YOUR FLESH,RATHER WATCHING HUMANS LIKE YOU SUFFER IN ANGUISH ONCE THEIR LIVES DONT DIRECTLY AFFECT U.

STINGY FOLKS ARE USUALLY TIRED,FRUSTRATED AND DEPRESSED NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY AMASS.

GIVEEEEEEEEEEEE AND BE SET FREE YOU STINGY EXCUSES FOR LIVING BEINGS.

if you want to see poor people ,abeg enter yankee see poverty live and direct.yet they lead the world in giving.nigeria is not poor,we are just mismanaged or misdirected.150 million naira peree for a good cause and una dey shout.now that is poverty and not the deprived people on the street.

poverty is a mindset and so is wealth and the ease of giving.

the rewards of giving are most enjoyable when it is not the most convenient thing to do.

america understands this hence the USAID,the british have the DFID,the Gates foundation should not even be in nigeria if they read newspapers but there is something about giving even when it feels stupid.

@kobojunkie

how are u dear?now a quick one!let's imagine most of the people u know in naija prolly stay in port harcort or calabar and a 7.0 struck? 3 out of every 5 buildings collapsed meaning 60% of folks are in danger of having been buried alive under tonnes of rubble especially concrete .what would be your first reaction? think ur grandmum,mum's sister's and her kids type of thing.

now haiti's biggest export is prolly wyclef jean meaning it is a dirt poor country and by it's own self can in no way generate a response.i was watching the prime minister and the president being interviewed by christiane amanpour last night and save for the intervention this people would have been srewed several times over.now my point.

haiti is a seriously fetish and corrupt nation but a disaster is a disaster and after the knocks the world got for not acting quickly enough last year when the country was hit by massive floods,see how much has happened in a week.$1M naaa small thing oooo.believe me cos it cannot buy you a plot anywhere in ikoyi.

america is all over this cos they goofed katrina and the last haiti floods meaning $100M is the cash they will be giving to relief efforts,but what about the trooops and supplies,put a figure to that and you would realize they would end up spending at least a billion.logistics aint cheap.

come to think of it ,this could be a good screenplay for an avatar sequel.i wonder how james cameron would interprete all these. for the u. s people to adapt to nigeria they must be wrapped in a cocoon of corruption and lack of simple etiquette and human feelings then they can breathe when they come here.

obatala,orunmila,shango,sopono join forces as eywa and the naija delta people as you know who,the guys flying on dragons and things and besides naa dem resemble blue cats pass

yoruba people no go fight gaiiiin,naa only mouth dem get ooo.hausa go just bow for the invading forces hala rankadede repeatedly,no be wetin dey don dey do for 1 century??

so at the end of the day naa naija delta vs american oil companies oo,naa im you go see all kind marine spirit in action.i don forget naa calabar go dey cook for the americans chop ooo,so we fit put betrayal into the plot.florence ita giwa go lobby the bakassi people to come join dem for kitchen and with a promise of enough make up,a face transplant and an anti aging medication she go deal with their food.

i am getting excited ,2 billion dollars at the box office.any creative people hia,abeg join me make we hammer

@poster

i had a dream a retard started a thread and rather than ignore him,all the sane folks out there jumped on his tail and in the process started fighting one another.unfortunately the poster went from simple retardation to having delusions of grandeur and what a classic case of a bipolar manic depressive.  

besides what is pafun    PEESHAUN JOOO .OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE!!!

the stock market in the last decade taught us all to be in a hurry and i must admit i got on the too fast too soon syndrome as well,but history has shown that persistence and perseverance are part of the key building elements to a successful entrepreneurial outing.reaping the sown seeds of toil and sweat take time and sometimes years.if you are in a hurry to make money,pls dont bother cos in the real world you would need to create a market for whatever it is you want to do and after that you would need a solid reputation cos it is easier for people to replicate what they have seen work than implement their own idea hence competition intensifies the moment you are successful e.g the dry cleaning business.

ascending to the top is not sure for anyone in this generation [25-35] though it is very possible.chances are few.e.g if you get a job in a good place say gt bank,the guy there is at least doing another 3 years after which his deputy would come and do his own 10 years.by now you have done 13 years.how many e.d slots do they have at best 4-6.which means the best all the ogas in gtb can be in13 years is an ed except they change jobs.

the current deputy leaves and a new md is appointed and soon some other eds have to leave because of age and the need to inject fresh blood into the system.the cycle goes on and on and you can never compare stepping down from a company you co founded with leaving when your time is due in say a gtb.you dont retire and die the next day so what are you to do with the rest of your life especially if you are a guy

to all those asking for ideas,i could help later in the day cos i hav to dash out but whatever you do,pls dont start a cafe business especially if you intend to serve the internet.your money go just disfarahan trust me.

entrepreneurs build empires and in a country like nigeria,their bestest of leuitenants will forever be second fiddles.good example,a guy starts a business in 1980 and though small it begins to make sense especially after lasisi a very trusted second in command joins the venture putting in toil,blood and sweat like he were the owner of the business,however he only has an ond from yabatech.

Bimpe,our entrepreneurs first daughter is born in 1983 when ground still never level and they live around mafoluku in oshodi.fast forward to 2000,some zenith bank chick sees the business potential while luring our oga for his account seeing his turnover is in the hundreds of millions but sitting pretty in afribank and so she tells some pwc alumni about creating a business plan for oga meanwhile they now live in gbagada estate and bimpe just finished from airforce and on her way to a university of london college after a levels.lasisi still very faithful.

the pwc guys package the company tight for a hefty fee ,oga ships his account to zenith where he gets more money to expand his business,but the restructuring introduces more educated,younger and technical savvy people but since lasisi cannot be sacked ,he is made purchasing manager while he has a lot of superiors in his reporting line to oga.

2009 bimpe is through with  uni and masters and without thinking twice her dad makes her the e d operations.thank God she is brilliant and has been well schooled because her first management meeting outlining her vision for the business silenced all wagging tongues.

lasisi felt left out and frustrated especially as he knew all that was to know about the business and could never work for a girl he attended her christening.not long after he announced his retirement which made our entrepreneur who by now is a billionaire both happy and sad.happy that bimpe would have easier passage,sad lasisi was part of his success story.however blood is always thicker than water and so lasisi was paid off and started a rival business at almost 55.

lasisi is not hungry but after a few deals on his own he came to the conclusion he had wasted the last 15 years of his life.if he had ventured out earlier maybe at least one of his children would have had the privilege of a private university education talkless of schooling abroad.

steve ballmers and michael eisners are produced by a system which rewards attainment of set goals with part ownership.nigeria is however not yet there and believe me it is a fairy tale existence equating being an agm with job security.

and if you still doubt me,just talk to all the ogas that were recently laid off in all the banks.

I started my own business at 26 and 6 years after.i swear i couldn't have made a better decision.now not to brag ,i had a massive education which means i have very enlightened contemporaries who have since gone on to monumental stuff in the corporate world but the difference is worlds apart between consulting for someone else's business or advicing them and being the man seeking professional help.

i listen to these people talk about 13th month,upfront and profit sharing and i peep into my own thoughts only to see billionaire dreams,seeking businesses to buy and watching out for the trends that will shape tomorrow and how i can both generate and ride the wave of the next big thing

Do your research,america's population is more than twice that of nigeria and check what fraction of the working population run small businesses,America is what it is because of entrepreneurs of old like rockefeller,getty,j.p morgan,ford and these days bill gates,larry ellison and steve jobs.Now i am not demanding that kiyosaki be your mentor but i am suggesting that you read biographies of successful people because they can be rather inspirational.

I might not have all the cash now and sometimes i am flat broke but whenever i talk like a broke person especially around my peers,it is more like to make them comfortable around me because really i have left them behind in the way we see ideas,opportunities and money.

a job can help you with a flat in surulere or ogba,but you need a business or a political appointment[shame on them] to buy your own house in ikoyi except ofcourse you ascend to the top echelon of your organisation so therefore enjoying all the perks like an official residence you can be booted out of anytime or have you forgotten bunmi oni of cadbury ,a whole the most respected ceo.

OBATORO ur head is on ur neck!!

david mark ,dbigteeth bankole,the whole national assembly and their fec counterparts should all take a trip to dubai,look for the burj kalifa or whatever it is called now,use their diplomatic passes to get on the elevators after they hav been thoroughly screened for explosives.when they get to the very top they should take turns jumping headlong to their demise cos they are retarded fools who open their mouths and talk Poo that makes an already bad situation worse.

who the hell are these court jester clowns anyways disgracing their villages sorry constituencies talking c.r.a.p  

INSTUCTIONS : to attempt the pencil test,subject must either be dekan or be clad in a tightly fitting apparel or simply underwear

1]subject must stand upright with both feet touching in perfect symmetry

2]get a very long pencil

3]visually examine the space beneath the , ,if there is an apparent diamond shaped hole beneath the camel hoof,abort test cos subject has passed

4]if however unsure,pass the pencil or biro right through the space,putting it in through the front and receiving it with the other hand behind

5]easy passage without friction is regarded as premium ,

6] little friction means dont proceed to the olfactory assessment

7]total obliteration of the space[i.e knocking thighs] means run for dear life !!!

failing the pencil test

now i dear any chick here to know what that is

@ndypio,

for your own sake and that of your entire lineage i hope your post was entirely coated in sarcasm