I have this decision bothering me. I know it is a personal problem, but I believe everyone need some guidance at every point in life.
Straight to it, I have been considering Japa for over two years now and I think the opportunity might be here but I am having a cold feet.
I recently started working for a foreign company as a software engineer and the pay is decent when converted to Naira. Enough to live an averagely comfortable life. But my challenge now is that, I have been talking to some friends that are outside the country and they keep telling me how life is not easy there and cost of living is super expensive out there.
I currently earn $3000, which I plan to either save and travel or startup a business here in Nigeria. Please, Nairalanders with experience, is it worth japa to live an almost average life for almost the rest of your life or investing here in Nigeria and growing wealth?
The healthcare and quality education benefit is there as an advantage for japa though.
Thanks in advance for your responses!
Paraphrase the question to is suffering in the country really worth it.
Humblelion1987: Good morning nairaland family, please I have a serious issue which I need your advice. I met my fiancee 1st March 2022 and everything clicked, within few weeks, we are like people who have been together for years because we share many things in common, we are birthday mates, we like the same food, we are practically like twins. I work as a Key account manager in charge of my region in one of the leading multinational company here in Nigeria, why she works as an RN(registered nurse) in one of the top private hospital in the state I base too. I will be 33yrs by September while she will be 25years the same date and month. We are supposed to get married by May this year because am ready and she is ready too, but the parents have been frustrating me, one that am not from there state, we passed through that phase and fixed our traditional wedding next month, the mum and her people now came up with another issue that she must travel abroad before getting married, even when I have tried convincing them that I can't prevent there daughter from traveling even after marriage because I have been nursing same ambition too.
When I met my fiancee, she has been doing bad in her ihealth exams not until I came into her life. I have purchased the form three times in a space of 6 months plus her form for CBT and I do practically everything for my woman. Since we met, she doesn't touch her salary, she doesn't stress herself much about house duties, both washing, cooking and other things because as a bachelor, those are the things I enjoyed doing. I love her so much and she love me too, but am totally confused on what to do as the parents have said point blank that she can only get married when she travels to UK.
She had a serious fight with the parents last night and the mum even called me and told me that if I can't abide by there rules, I should forget about there daughter. Am the only son and my parents are not aware of the situation.
I don't know there problem because as a young man, I leave in a comfortable bungalow, drives good car outside my official car and equally employed one of her siblings on a temporary project am running for my office, which they both earn 60k monthly.
Please I need advise on how to go about this as I have two options in my mind. Should I move on and forget all the money I have spent so far or should I stand by my fiancee who loves me so much and finish the fight?
There is what we call integrity test in the banking system, I will strongly advise you to test ur so called lover to actually know if she loves you or the money. Mind you all these can still be a game plan to use you achieve their goal. Test her loyalty before investing again on her.
Penguin2: After Atiku felicitated with Peter Obi on his birthday yesterday, Kwankwaso and Saraki joined in wishing him well on birthday too.
If anything, I’d say I’m not surprised at Saraki’s post since he’s a refined gentleman and I suppose he’s even a closet friend of Obi, but Kwankwaso’s own is what surprised me. Row
We no see tinubu own.....
Because not only did Kwankwaso lampoon whenever he got the chance Obi during last electioneering period, he was never shy dragging his entire ethnic region into his vituperative utterances then.
One now wonders what changed? Is this an evidence of political realignment?
Iamgrey5: In my years alive, I have never seen a more brainwashed set of people than the supporters of labour party.
Firstly, the problem been referred to here is the likely pandemonium the 25% in Abuja debate if ratified by the Court will create for future Elections.
> It will elevate Abuja voters above all other states in Nigeria.
> It will go against the constitution of Nigeria that states all votes cast in Nigeria are equal because it will mean casting your votes in Abuja is more important than casting it in Akure, Onisha or Kano.
Secondly, a runoff doesn't itself guarantee that the winner of the runoff will still get the 25% requirement in Abuja. So will we simply continue to go for runoffs until the winning candidate get 25% in Abuja even if he gets 25% in all the 36 states of the federation.
Furthermore, this will put a weird spotlight on the democraphics of Abuja in future Elections which might create an ugly situation. Politicians might just import people from other states to make up the 25% in Abuja which might create an unwanted national debate in the future. Tribes will begin to fight over who should be allowed to vote in Abuja etc.
In conclusion, Tinubu's lawyer in his final written argument to the judges is only pushing his legal points with real life likely scenarios that might come out of the judgement.
questioner: My mum has people staying with her - my niece, an extended family member and a close family friend and her daughter. We are okay with it cos it ensures she always has company and reduces the need to always travel to check on her.
Recently the monthly subscription I do on the router at home, which usually has carry over data by the time it expires, now lasts about a week before they start calling me to renew Everybody in the house denied being the cause of the data drain.
Last week, I came to spend some days at my mum's and first thing I did was to install a network tracker to monitor. Long story short, I discovered the excessive consumption was from my niece but that's not the major issue. She was visiting porn sites which was draining data but that's still not the major prob. My problem was the frequency and how long she spent on porn daily.
The day I came, after she retreated to her room, the porn streaming started and didn't stop until the family member sharing a room with her came back at night. The next morning once the other lady left for work, she continued with the porn until it was time to leve for her lessons. Once she came back in the afternoon, she did some chores, ate, sat around the sitting room for a while and went inside and boom the porn resumed until the other girl came around hours later. This was practically the routine for the 4 days I stayed there.
The day I was to leave I told my mum that I observed the drain came from my niece and blocked her from the router. She called my niece and questioned her but she denied knowing anything about it, I spared her blushes by saying sometimes apps have background processes that consume data without the owner knowing.
Ever since, I have been wondering if I handled the situation properly. I didn't confront her about it cos I was concerned about the embarrassment she will feel for a male family to find out about her secret. She might even assume I have told my mum or my elder bro (her dad), which might weigh her down emotionally.
Also, I am concerned if this is a sign of promiscuity, she will be 17 next month And aside the fact that she's quite tall, she might as well pass for a 14 year old. She's barely endowed for her age- bottomline, not the kind of girl, you will associate with waywardness.
My question is 1. Would it have been better if I had confronted her 2. Is this a possible sign of promiscuity ? - if so, I will suggest mum sends her back to her Dad cos I am not sure at her advanced age she should be dealing with issues like this, to avoid stories that touch later on
Sit her down and talk to her first and an elder sister, before you know the next thing to do. She needs to know the dangers so as not to waste her life.
tonye33: I have been married for 14 YEARS and 'we' have 3kids(all boys) but none of them belongs to me.
5years before I met my wife, I was involved in a car accident together with two of my friends. We were traveling from Lagos to Abuja and our car skidded off the road. I was the only survivor of that accident, my friends died. I spent about 11months at the hospital and that left me with a condition that says I can't have children.
I gave my life to Jesus Christ and became a committed Christian after the incident.
In summary I became a pastor in a local church in my community 5years later and met my wife in the process.
I did not tell her about my condition because I was hopeful that God will heal me.
6 years into our marriage, my wife got pregnant and had 'our' first child.
To be sure, I secretly went for a DNA and it was clear I wasn't the father. I repeated the test for all 3 children and they are all not mine.
I have been living with this situation for the past 8 years and I am beginning to get irritated by both the children and my wife. My wife pretends to be a good wife. She goes around preaching to women in the church about the need to remain faithful to their partners but she has had 3 children by another man or men I don't know.
I want to confront her, but I am confused as to how to go about the situation. I am just angry and irritated by everyone in my house lately. I feel like a total stranger in my own home.
What should I do!?
--Please advise him.
I don't support infidelity in marriage but the man is to blame for the situation he found himself. You married in deceit, why didn't you tell the woman before you married her. I won't pity the man. OYO
TemplarLandry: 👏👏👏Orishirishi. Idris will rue this. In the next 20 years, he'll cry out and start advising youths not to live their lives like he did. I know his type.
jidowu84: It's so painful to write this here cos I am feeling very bad right now. I don't know how to deal with this matter cos it's actually driving me crazy. He is a very wicked soul for sure but his wickedness ought not to affect my family. Kindly advise on what to do. Leaving the job is inevitable but no job in site as an option for now
Before you put this thing to seek sympathy don't you think is right to give us a detailed information so we can know how to assist.
[quote author=naice post=124070940]I find myself facing a difficult situation in my marriage and would greatly appreciate your insights and advice. The issue at hand revolves around my wife's unwillingness to listen to me. I'm at a loss as to why she behaves this way, and it's starting to take a toll on our relationship.
To provide some context, my wife has a strong-headed personality, which often leads to conflicts between us. No matter how gently I communicate my concerns or requests, she seems to disregard them and even does the opposite. This behavior frustrates me and leaves me questioning our compatibility.
One possible explanation I've considered is her background as an orphan. She lost her parents at a young age and had to take on the responsibility of caring for herself and her siblings. While I understand the challenges she faced, it seems like her self-reliance has translated into a resistance to accepting input or guidance from others, including me.
At this point, I have contemplated divorce, but there's a significant factor holding me back: our children. I love them deeply and cannot bear the thought of being separated from them. As much as her strong-headedness affects me, I firmly believe that domestic violence is never an option.
I'm reaching out to this community for reasonable opinions and advice on how to navigate this situation. Have any of you experienced a similar dynamic in your relationships? How did you cope with a spouse who doesn't listen? Are there effective strategies to foster better communication and understanding in such circumstances?
Thank you in advance for your support and guidance. Your insights will be invaluable in helping me make an informed decision about the future of my marriage."[/quotle]
Was she like that before you married her? If yes I wish you the best because you failed to either correct it or leave her. If No then you need to lay your hand on her head while sleeping to cast out any demon manipulating her.
Guys how legit is this, I'm scared of making the payment only to be disappointed later as it isn't easy coughing out 30k in this economy. Guys I need your input.. The Church is a big church here in Lagos. Please no mods should take this to front-page o so they won't see this
Did they give you any employment letter? If No run for your dear life... Organizations do training for new staff without charging, I smell revamped scam
Victor Hugo Sosa, mayor of San Pedro Huamelula, a town of Indigenous Chontal people in the Tehuantepec isthmus of Mexico, took as his betrothed a reptile named Alicia Adriana, re-enacting an ancestral ritual.
The reptile is a caiman, an alligator-like marsh dweller endemic to Mexico and Central America.Sosa swore to be true to what local lore calls “the princess girl.”
“I accept responsibility because we love each other. That is what is important. You can’t have a marriage without love… I yield to marriage with the princess girl,” Sosa said during the ritual.
Marriage between a man and a female caiman has happened here for 230 years to commemorate the day when two Indigenous groups came to peace — with a marriage.
Tradition has it that frictions were overcome when a Chontal king, embodied these days by the mayor, wedded a princess girl of the Huave Indigenous group, represented by the female alligator.
The Huave live along coastal Oaxaca state, not far from this inland town.
The wedding allows the sides to “link with what is the emblem of Mother Earth, asking the all-powerful for rain, the germination of the seed, all those things that are peace and harmony for the Chontal man,” explains Jaime Zarate, chronicler of San Pedro Huamelula. Before the wedding ceremony, the reptile is taken house to house so that inhabitants can take her in their arms and dance. The alligator wears a green skirt, a colorful hand-embroidered tunic and a headdress of ribbons and sequins.
The creature’s snout is bound shut to avoid any pre-marital mishaps.
Later, she is put in a white bride’s costume and taken to town hall for the blessed event.
You love her and you went and tied the mouth. Just dey play
labake1: Omo! we never finish Banky W saga, Davido own dey happen.
I never wanted to say anything about it but I feel for Chioma. With the fact that she lost her son, she is losing everywhere. Other baby mamas are not saying anything because they already have a tie with Davido (las las, the 30GB go reach their side). I just hope she gets pregnant and give birth soon so that she will have something. I still support Hakim's ex wife for demanding such amount of money and properties from him because you can't cheat on me and go free. I must be compensated
As a woman, once you accept that men are naturally promiscuous, you will have peace of mind.
My advice for women is that before you get married, have a life. With this, you won't be bothered if your man is acting disgraceful.
Men, what do you want? Men, is true that you have a community diiçk?
OkwuMajesty: My regret: being too anxious and not assertive enough, I regret not coming out sooner. Wasted years worrying about it, worrying about pretty much everything. All the time,being too afraid to live.
I used to think my family can't survive without me, so I wasted enough time trying to be almost everything possible for them, but I was totally wrong.
What's yours
Not following Jesus at an early age, wasted most of my youthful age seeking mundane things..
ebukajay184: Former Enugu East Senator, Chimaroke Nnamani has accused the immediate past governor of Enugu State, Ifeanyi Ugwuanyi of sabotaging his election and political career, IGBERETV reports.
Adonispco: Am sorry for my writing pattern; I am in a serious dilemma since January.
I live in a face me I slap you house with just four co-tenants and the landlord.
There is this neighbour of mine that parked in on December 2021, a married man with three kids; two daughters and a son,the eldest daughter should be around 14 years old while the son and the last daughter should be about 4 & 2 years respectively.
We where living in peace although one has to make tolerance a friend for there to be peace. These my neighbour's eldest daughter to be honest is morally bankrupted, she steals and lies without remorse.
My neighbour's wife always try to cover up her daughter bad behaviours. During christmas time 2022, I noticed a sudden suspicious behaviours from my neighbours wife towards me in particular; she does as if am a diabolic person, as a cool headed guy I focused on my life until on January 21 2023 when I heard the worst words towards my dignity and reputation as a common person;
Fellow nairalanders guess what? My neighbours wife accused me of poisoning his two little kids.
As a cool guy and from what i learnt never to take action when angry, I maintained like its nothing but told our landlord.
My neighbour who is a driver usually travels and can stay there for weeks, so I have to wait for the man of the house to return and hear from him before taking action, so on 29 January he returned, a general yard meeting processed; he was asked to explain more on the accusation from his wife towards me and this was what he said;
"Someone in our yard premises poisoned his children using mirinda and biscuit" that we all are lucky nothing happened to his kids otherwise he will call the police to arrest everybody in our yard.
When asked how he found out that it was someone from our yard and what sickness his children suffered; he said that his children were vomiting blood in the middle of the night, and he went to a spiritual doctor who told him that it was someone from the yard he lives in.
Please Nairalanders what will I do cause I have tried to let go of this heavy accusation but it havent been easy and to make matters worse the once loved innocent easy going guy have become a depressed soul due to the crack on my previous solid reputation.
Please anyone with a good pragmatic solution should help a brother.
Pack your things and leave that compound, why will a big boy like you be staying in that kind of house selfcon dn finish? Leave and have your peace of mind
vibrant40: Okay. I met this girl in an exam hall, we were both writing exams, so we did the student things, she asked me a maths question which she was kind of afraid of and me being a maths person answered her question and moved on with with my exams. After the exams she search for me to say her gratitude and we moved on. I think after the results was released and she got an A in the exams was when she had to find me and got me on Facebook. She chatted me and introduced herself, so we began chatting from there and that was how I got to know she is my kind of woman.
I asked her out, we started dating or lemme say I started dating her because at a pint she told me we were only friends during the time, be she do come to my side, we do touch and kiss but no s*x. Down the lane I got to know she had a guy whom she was dating but she could not marry because she has so many revelations and dreams that he is not the one and according to her, the guy had so many red flags. At a point I put it to her she should choose what she wanted on time, the guy or myself.
According to her she choose me. Along the line, she told me about another guy disturbing her for romantic relationship, because no matter what she will tell me anything even if she knows I am gonna hurt by that, although I do take it that she is trying to literally tell me to do quick and pop the question if I really want to marry her. All of a sudden I observe she was receiving a Seyi call till like 12midnight, and I would want to call her only for her to be busy on another call for a lengthy period.
She will not stop talking about this guy whenever we are together, how good the guy is to her, she even was like we have the same character but only that the guy is taller than I am and she had also never shy away from talking about the physically height of her dream children.
I saw all these as competition and keep letting her know how much I love and want to marry her. One afternoon, she just rang me and said just a sentence, 'I will marry you'. Well that gave me the assurance I needed, I met her mother (dad is late) and I must confess she has a very good mother, the mom checks on me everyday (infact she did while I was typing this epistle). I popped the questions and she said yes. We had our introduction and currently planing on getting married.
The problem now is, she would still not stop talking about this Seyi guy. She even called me one to tell me she went to his house, that the guy called home to come, I confronted her so many times to tell her how I felt about it, she kept saying sorry and keep repeating the same thing of no cutting loose from the guy, she even claimed that at least she is not having s*x with now that they are just talking..
Some days ago we had a serious argument about this matter and she was like maybe we should even end the relationship if I don't trust her (and this has always been her anthem whenever we have serious arguments, she would say maybe we are not compatible). She later apologized and promised not to let that happen again that she would cut loose of the guy, only for us to be talking via whatsapp last night around 11:40 for to receive this guys call and they spoke for like 10mins. I ended my call, she called back later and was like it was just an innocent talk they had....
Seriously, I am tired and confused, what should I do? Please help me with your candid advice. So sorry for the long epistle and some bad grammar.
Don't marry her for your own sanity and peace of mind... Abi you want to die Young?
Flows001: Moderators please push this to front page.
My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.
Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.
My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her. So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy. Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything. Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry. Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..
When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..
Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price. Her two options are: 1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand). 2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.
Please advice 🙏🙏🙏
She should carry her cross accordingly.. I always advice ladies never to accept to be pregnant for a guy till he marries you but they won't listen, whichever one she choose their are still consequences.
saweide: Pls something is really bothering my mind and I pray I will find good advice here.
I reside in Port-Harcourt about 1 and half years ago Iost my cousin. He died of heart attack. After his death, his wife has been getting closer to me, always calling me and visiting me and am still single. I have had failed relationships in the past. I have been so unlucky with the kind of ladies I met. They are always violent and disrespectful which I dislike so much.
But during my cousins lifetime, she was so good, cool and caring to my cousin and they never had any misunderstanding and they married for just 6 years here in Port Harcourt before he died and they never had a child due to infertility on the side of the cousin. But now everyone like friends and family knows me and scared if I should make advances to her if they won't be saying things against me or should I just forget and look for another lady to marry.
Pls i need ur serious advise. She has fallen in love with me already.
uzomakanaki: Fellow nairalanders, please I need advice from matured minds in this group.
I'm in a two year relationship with my woman, we're both working. I'm 34 while she's 27. My montly salary and commision is over 200k with other side hustle i do that bring in funds for me, i also just got a car i want to register with bolt/uber to still bring in funds in my free time.
My fiancee on the other hand is earning 75k monthly. I take good care of her needs and makes sure she doesn't lack anything I can afford.
We both plan to settle down by December.
Sometimes last month she missed her period, after the test we discovered she's 5 weeks pregnant.
I'm against abortion because of the dangers involved in the aftermath, i suggested she keep the baby while I come and see her family and do some necessary things before the main wedding. But she insisted in aborting the baby, reason being that she can't be pregnant and be working. Unless I place her on a monthly salary.
She has aborted the baby and had complications because of the quack nurse that performed the abortion. I spent a lot to make her back on her feet
I'm gradually losing interest in the relationship cos that single act of her. I've kept this to myself.
I just need advice on how to handle this. Cos I'm already fed up with her with her recent disrespect and the way she talks to me anyhow even in public.
I don't think you need a prophet to tell you she is not your wife.... For your sanity free her, don't marry cos of pity. Man up and end everything.
Dainy1: This dude was missbehaving and not providing for his family, accordingly to the wife, some days, they goes hungry why the guy spend time outside not minding what's happening at home to the kids. So, instead of sourcing a means to survive, the woman decided to have a sugar daddy who is now providing for her and her kids. The man is heartbroken and threatening to kill the sugar daddy.
Is there any reason to justify a woman cheating in marriage? Is the sugar daddy the main target here? What will you advise in this situation?
The man who took her out refused to pay the bill and it led to an argument between the two of them as he stormed out of the establishment and tried to leave her behind.
She followed him to the car park and pleaded with him to settle the bill that her phone was dead if not she would have paid herself.
He, instead told her to drop her iPhone as payment for the phone and said that she was embarrassing herself
The man queried her for eating food of N12,000 and she said that she can even eat that of N50,000 and it is not a problem, as she would pay for it.
The young lady asked him not to blow the situation out of proportion, saying that she just needed to call someone and it will all be sorted out.
A waitress who attended to them in the restaurant could be seen standing behind the lady, waiting for the payment while the two continued the verbal exchange.
When the man insisted on not helping her to pay for the meal, the lady regretted and noted that she made a mistake by agreeing to go on a date with him.
.
If you don't have money no invite a lady out. The boy should hide his face in shame, this is shameful. In his mind na the girl him dey disgrace but is the opposite now.
Career › Re: Is Japa Worth It? by kwasoly(m): 2:52pm On Jul 25, 2023
