₦airaland Forum

I voted: "Yes". Granted that I am in a long time committed relationship. Not some Joe Blow I'm just dating. It's really none of his business. That's just "optional" information if he/she wants to share.

But again, if I'm in a committed relationship, then yes. IF he asks! I wouldn't just go around and be like hey, I make such a such a year! I'm a lady and like to use tact when supplying information I find pertinent to my relationship.

If you are truly serious and READY to meet your life long mate. Do you believe in God? If so, then you should pray and ask God to send you your wife of your choice. Let Him know what it is you desire in a wife. Pray for wisdom and revelation so that He will show and/or guide you in the direction of where you should go. Don't pray just once, you have to do it diligently everyday. God already knows the desires of your heart. He put them there. She's there waiting, you have to believe and trust in God with all your heart and be PATIENT. You don't have to rush after any old thing that "looks" like they maybe wife material. Last thing you want is to become desperate, because when that happens. Nine times out of ten, you will end up mixed up with the wrong person. This is a life long and life changing experience. Take your time when looking. Was is meant to be will be. You won't have to debate, sell your soul, or buy your way into a young ladies heart. Be confident in yourself and know your worth. There are many women out there praying, waiting and believing in the same goal you are.

Try networking by joining social groups, do you have a hobby? You can join different groups. It's many things you can do to put yourself out there and be able to meet new people and possibly find what you are looking for, your wifey.

I hope any of this helps!

Okay, only TWO months into a relationship and he is asking to borrow money ALREADY I'm going to have to agree with the other posters on this one.  After two months, you barely know this person. And the fact that he can even come at you like that so early on in a relationship raises some serious red flags. That could explain why he was still single when you met him.  This guy has some serious growing up to do before he even thinks of trying to get into a relationship! He has proven to be very irresponsible, careless, no integrity at all, inconsiderate, big time selfish, unreliable, needy, high maintenance, immature and undependable. Let me ask you, what exactly are you getting out of this relationship again? You can get good conversation and kindness anywhere without parting with your funds.

I understand these days, people are going through tough times with this economy sucking like it does. But c'mon! The fact that he refuse to take blame for any of his innequities and it's everyone else's fault why he is struggling and in the situation he is in proves that he is not someone you can count on. Why? Because he has to count on everyone else all the time for help. Sadly, he sounds like a typical sociopath. Trust me, when I say, these are NOT the type of men you want to have in your life!! Because no matter how much love and "things" you give them. It will never be enough! Once you are used up, he will move on to someone else and not even care to look back.  Leaving you not only broken hearted, but also broke financially too!

I'm all for helping my man or the people I care about. But you have to use your own common sense and judgement when you are helping people. Because even those who claim to care about you sometimes will take your kindness for weakness and take you for granted.  Considering you two haven't known each other that long, and if you decide to remain in this "relationship" with this guy. I urgently advise you to proceed with caution with this guy.

You can try talking to him and express to him how you feel, but be ready for whatever the outcome will be good or bad. I'm leaning towards bad. As long as you continue to give him money, there is no need for him to change. He'll just keep taking and taking as long as you keep giving it.  Next time he asks for money, tell him you don't have it and wait and see how long he sticks around.

He could be a "nice" guy, charming and smooth. But that don't mean a hill of beans. In relationships, it should be a balance of giving and receiving.  You are NOT an ATM machine.  You are a human being. And you truly need to get the courage to respect yourself enough to know that you don't deserve this kind of treatment. Your needs should also be met.  You are just as important in the relationship as he is. A relationship shouldn't be about take, take and take again. That's no relationship!  Your just an "object" to be used like a pencil.

My preference would be at least my height. I'm 5 "7". So that's more like "average". Not short or tall. My fiancee is like an inch or two taller than me. So that's perfect! I do like tall men, but it's not a prerequisite to holla at me.

I just voted "yes". But to be honest, I don't know the difference. African men is african men to me. I'm an american black woman currently engaged to a intelligent, wonderful, caring and very handsome Yoruba man and the tribe he is from don't matter to me. I've never thought to ask him, "honey, what tribe are you from?"  I love him regardless where he is from or where he was born.  That don't make the man to me.  What DOES matter is if he is a good man and will treat me right. Does he know, serve and love the Lord.  Are we compatible? Does he got a good sense of humor and can he hold his own down with or without help.  Does he know how to treat a woman? Is he morally sound, responsible and respectful?  Is he mature and eccentric and so forth and so on.  Those are what matters.  If he Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa or whatever is irrevelant to me. 

I've read so many stereo types and descriptions online about the differences and who's better than the other one.  What does it all matter?? Aren't we all human? No one is the exact same. We are all different. No one person is exactly alike in all ways.  I've been with American black and white men. And a man is a man to me.  His tribe is the very least of my worries.  Life is too short to be worrying about what tribe a man is from.  Far as this woman is concern, ladies if the man is good to you by treating you right, respecting you, loving, makes you smile/laugh, chemistry is tight and so forth. I say who cares?? Go for it!!

Okay, she's playing mind games or she just needs to grow up! That's one thing I can't stand is for people to play games. Just trying to cause a reaction out of you to test your love. From what you just said, you've done alot to show this girl that you deeply care for her. So the rest of that was irrevelant. Anyway's, it's possible she may just want to know how you are able to spend so much and wanting to be nosey to find out how much money you have. Then IF that was the case, she should've put or asked it another way. Then it could be the case that she just maybe using you for your money and/or attention. I would advise you to proceed with extreme caution with her. She don't sound very mature and ready to be in a committed relationship yet.

I can understand the confusion your friend must be feeling. What is her gut telling her? I mean, deep down in her stomach. Your mind can and will reason with you and therefore, have you debating back and forth and have you even more confused.  She really need to take some quiet time away from everything and everyone to really go to God and pray and ask him for wisdom and revelation on what to do about her circumstance(s).  He is the only one who can give her the best advice.  Then wait on Him to answer her before acting upon anything.  I'm sure whatever the case(s) maybe, it's for a reason. It's not written in stone that every person you fall in love with that you two were meant to be together forever.

I am dying laughing. You all are so silly. Lol, I'm not a beauty queen, but I'm not ugly either.

Heck no!! I'm not into threesomes, besides I have a man why would I?

[quote author=Shy-One link=topic=552970.msg7172310#msg7172310 date=1290123761]No I do not miss him.

I used to miss him - but I only have eyes for the guy I am with now.

Through God my guy has filled my empty spaces FULL with such deep, deep love.

My love for him burns so bright - I can think of little else. Thank you God - I am soo happy.[/quote]Amen sista! Amen!! I know that's right.

Thank you - this was a very interesting and informative article. This does give you great insight on what is contributing to divorces today. Thank you for sharing!

ooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyy

rokiatu:
insecurities.

I agree with this poster. Why do you need to feel that you should invade her privacy like that? Would he like for her to do the same to him? Where is the trust in this relationship? Where is the respect? If his gut is telling him something is up. Then he needs to sit down and talk to her and voice his concerns. But invading somebodies space like that, snooping. If you gotta snoop, there is definitely some trust issues going on here. And as the saying goes without trust, there is no relationship!

Wow! What's their issue with laundry? Lol Anyway's, I hate doing laundry as well. But that's something you MUST do, or you can walk around dirty and smelly.  And you also have to think, do I want my man walking around the same way? 

I must admit, that mentality do sound a bit "lazy".  But on the otherhand, it's their perogative if they choose not to do their man's laundry. HE has to decide if that's a deal breaker or something HE can live with. Then you have to think, what if HE does the same.  Meaning, only washes his clothes and leave her dirty panties laying there on the floor or in the hamper or whatever. Would she be upset? Anyway's, I personally don't have any issues washes my man's laundry and taking any "special" suits to the cleaners.  Taking care of my man is something I love to do. I'm sure it won't always be peaches and cream all the time. But for the most part. I like to do for him.  I would expect he would do the same for me.  Besides, our clothes will be in the same hamper, I would be highly upset if he just picked threw his stuff and cleaned them. And mines are still buried in the hamper.  People can change so maybe one day down the line, they may realize that they were being silly and do their mate's laundry along with theirs.

Olumogun:
A case of "if you are more righteous, then cast the first stone."

the crowd forgot this when punishing the culprits.

Amen! I also want to say, When was it justified that we, are able to past judgement and condemnation so quickly. From this story alone proves that we are in the last days. Satan is running wild and doing everything in his power to steal as many souls as he can. He is coming stronger than ever before. This is why if the saints aren't praying and doing their job by praying and interceding and studying God's word, then the body of Christ wouldn't be suffering like this. I understand what the other posters are saying about this man being appointed a pastor and is the "head" or "leader" of the church then to preach against adultry just to be engulfed in it himself. But that don't make him inemiciple to sin. Just like all Christians on this earth, you lie on a daily bases rather you admit or not, you sin everyday of your life. Your solution. You deserve to burn beyond recognition, beaten down and unforgiveness. I guess Jesus coming back, got beat to death and then dying on the cross for all of sins was for nothing then. When we can just sin and get tortured and humiliated by "man". Anyway's, instead of trying to beat the "sin" out of him. What that pastor need is some serious prayer. If he repented, God forgave him. And it is HE who can destroy both the body and spirit. And if God can forgive, who are they to just say, one strike you out. Beating time for you and her. You deceived us, therefore, you doomed the rest of your days here on earth. You can't make a mistake. You can't sin period. Boy o boy, Satan has really got so many people deceived. I know what my bible says, and God says he has merciful to forgive. That is what makes God, God, because if it were left up to one of us, everyone would burn and go to hell and no one would be going to heaven. To God, a sin is a sin. Regardless of the severity. And I would hate to stand before God at judgement time to tell him I beat a man for sinning and being a hyprocrite because he dissappointed me. Yeah, what a way to get into the book of life.

buna:
@livedit,thanks for your good advice, it really helped alot,
thank you aall

You are more than welcome! Try to relax, everything will work it for you.

I would think, maturity, integrity, respectful, kind/loving/romantic, articulate, eccentric, man of God, career/goal orientated, sense of humor, and responsible. If you have all of that, everything else far as money, wife, family will fall into place.

OMG!!!  ,  when did these people become Jesus and can throw stones That is awful!! OMG! Why the beating? They are human. The pastor gave into temptation and sinned.  God is the ONLY one who can judge these two.  I understand he is a pastor and preaching the word of God of keeping his commandments.  But he is STILL human and living in a sinful body just the rest of us! Just because he became a pastor don't make him invincible to sin. There are many saints today sinning. Fornicating, lying, stealing, cheating etc. Should you be beaten to?? This reminds me of the lady in the bible. "Let ye without sin cast the first stone." OMG! Then to have them kiss in public.  That type of "punishment" was strictly from Satan and his army himself. Then to humiliate them and make them walk on the side of the road. This pastor WILL be judged come judgement day. All that was strictly un-called for.  I can see them demoting him from being a pastor and whatever. But taking it upon themselves to allow the influence of the devil to beat them. That was completely wrong.

MBG4Real:
A quarrel I had with my girl friend saw us separated for close to a year. We later reconciled and now I am set to marry her, but my friends are skeptical, they are warning me not to; that since I have quarreled with the girl for that long, that there is the possibility that we will have even bigger quarrel in future.

According to my friend, since the girl was able to walk away for that long, there is every possiblity that our marriage will still hit the rock.

I am worried. Do you think our marriage will hit the rock ?

My family disapproved of our marriage earlier, but they are soft-pedaling now.

It's possible it could. But this all depends on rather or not the issues you both were having before haven't been resolved and forgiven. If not, then I would pretty much bet that same issue will resurface in the future. Whatever you two were quarreling about, it must've been pretty big considering she ended up walking away for nearly a year. Just make sure the two of you have worked out the differences, forgiven one another and moved past it first.  There are always ups and downs in a relationship.  That's just a part of life and being in a relationship.

With that being said, as long as the two of you have resolved those issues completely and make sure to re-establish a even stronger foundation first. Then it can work out.  Communication, patience and understanding go hand and hand.  Make sure you two have establish that.  Your friends just have your best interest at heart and don't want to see you hurt and dissappointed again.  Therefore, they will try to deter you from re-visiting the past with her. But as a previous poster mentioned before, just pray and follow your heart and everything will work out just fine.  What is meant to be, will be no matter what.

I think you should fast and pray. To me, she sounds like a good women and that you truly care for her deeply.  How do you feel in your heart, not your mind, because your mind can change and play tricks on you. But how do you feel about this girl in your heart? You don't want to pass up on a good thing basing your decisions on your family and friends. What matters is what GOD says, not your family.  If the chemistry is there, you two share similiar interests, values and goals in life, then I say it's worth a try. At least if it don't work out, you can say, at least I gave it a shot. Than copping out because you afraid your family won't accept her.  What matters most is your happiness. And if this woman will treat you good and love you unconditionally and you do the same for her. Sometimes you have to just say hey, ma & dad, I love this woman and want to be with her. So they either accept it or they don't.

My family was against my now financee in the beginning, and I just laid it down flat out. This person makes me happy, I love him and I truly think he was a blessing from God. Of course I prayed and prayed about it. And no matter how they felt at that time, I went with my heart.  I know your family and friends approval is very important to you, but sometimes you just gotta say. I can't let someone else live for myself. You are only given one life, so why not live it to the fullest. No regrets.  Because let's say if you are so much in fear of what other people think and don't give it a shot, then you will forever wonder what could've been and regret them.  This is YOUR choice and YOUR life! Everyone has choices. You just pray and ask God if she is the one and try.  Life is too short to be worrying what someone will think or what they don't approve of. They are living their lives so you should do the same.

It's a very good idea that she has made an appointment to go see her gyno about this.  Someone mentioned that it could be due to womanly dryness.  For most women, we need plenty of fourplay before the main course. Has she recently started any new medications? Is there any pain or blood before, during or afterwards when having intercourse? Her libido could be affected by sudden stress, hormones, infection and/or psychological issues.  We can only speculate what the problem(s) could be, the best thing at this point is to make sure she go get checked out to rule out any possible medical issues before proceeding.

In the meantime, if she is up to it, you may want to spend extra time with fourplay, take more time  caressing, kissing and even massaging before having intimacy. Make sure she is comfortable and relaxed. Try using a generous amount of lube and choose sexual positions where penetration isn't so deep such as spooning, woman on top (that way she controls the depth and pace).

It could be many factors going on with her so I wish the best of luck. I hope any of this helps.

I disagree. Women flirt just as much as men. Some women are just more skilled at it. , I, for one is a flirt. However, it's to an extent though. I'm already in a relationship, therefore, I don't flirt to get numbers or notches under my belt sort of speak. I do it because it's fun and it's just me. I'm friendly and I like to make people smile. I don't go over board like I'm throwing myself at them or giving anyone false hope. Just kind harmless flirting that never go beyond a point where it could lead to anything else.

This is a strange one. How long have you been with this girl? I completely agree and solute you for wanting to take responsibility for yourself in wanting to use protection. There could've been many of reasons why she didn't want to use a condom. It could've been that she just don't like them. Maybe she was indeed trying to get pregnant. It could've been she was "infected" and wanted to "infect" you. It could've been that maybe she thought YOU wanted to use protection because you may have been out sleeping with other women and may have contracted something.

Whatever her reason(s) were, she was wrong to start an argument over the fact of you wanting to use protection. It's for her benefit as well as your own. I don't think any of this has anything to do with being "desperate". Just a case of someone being silly, irresponsible and selfish.

In a relationship, it's not okay for either persons to be demanding money and sex from one another.  That do sound like prostitution. To say well, if I'm going to give this lady money, then she going to give me intimacy. Umm, what the?? I don't owe you nothing nor do you owe me anything. When you start demanding anything, then maybe you don't need to be in that relationship and maybe you two need to reevaluate the meaning of love and a relationship. Last time I checked, love is free. I really hate to hear that a guy would feel obligated if his woman asked him to help her out of a sticky situation or vice versa. What's this tis for tat mess? You give from your heart. Ugggh, let me stop, I'm about to start preaching again,   

Lol, OMG! You all are so funny. But a-hem. I am NOT weak to my old boyfriend. I do know that when you are "intimate" with this person, your spirits have also joined together. This is why it's a good idea to make sure you are fully delivered from that person. This is speaking on the lines if you were "intimate". But it has been my experience that if your "ex" still have a strong hold over you is because you have not completely set them free. In those cases, only God can delivery them from out of your spirit. I was with my ex for many years and it took me nearly twice as many years to get over him. He too believed since he was the one that "deflowered" livedit, that he has a right to me forever no matter whom I'm with. But the bible says: The Devil is a Liar!!! God has delivered me from him and there is NOTHING that man could ever say or do to get me back or have ANY kind of influence on my life.

I disagree.  That's a sterotype and I don't believe for those that do divorce it's not always because of "feminism".  Could it possibly be that they were not ready to be married, the person they chose was not the right one, liberated, they were cheated on, abused, too young, desperate, mistreated etc.?

I do believe that there are many women out there who are not old fashion, that are independent and stronged willed and feel they have alot to offer someone and believe those days of women being barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen is over with.  Some tend to take it too far in regards to that. But just to say, I'm divorcing because my husband expects me to cook, clean, work and satisfy him intimately too.

There are many of reasons alot of marriages are ended but to say, it's all due to "feminism" is not true.  I for one, take great pride in keeping myself up, I have alot to contribute to a relationship and a woman that can hold her own down. I for one, want a man that can and do the same thing. I want whom God has for me. 

I, Lived-it, is one woman who enjoys working, taking care of her man in and out the bed room, I don't have any children yet, but when I do will love them and take care of them. I'm all for being the help mate for my husband (well, soon to be). I take great pleasure in making sure my man is happy with me. And I respect and love that he does the same when it comes to me. We connect on every level, emotionally, physically and spiritually. 

It's just sad that many women and men today are hooking up for all the wrong reasons and not praying and seeking God to find out if this woman/man is your wife/husband.  I hear about so many women/men getting married just for the "sake" of being married. Just to be "married". They have no clue what marriage is really all about in my opinion.

It depends. Are you asking what a woman wants in general far as her personal life, career etc? Or what she wants out of a relationship?

All glory be to God and welcome into the kingdom of everlasting life!! I'm VERY happy for you!!!

By waiting on God and seeking the Kingdom of God first. Praying diligently and fasting. You ask God, and he will tell you. God only puts two equally yoked people together. In addition, by taking your time to really to get to know each other by spending time together. Knowing first what you want in and expect to get out of a relationship and not settling and by making sure you are matured spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially ready for marriage.