₦airaland Forum

Amen!

That's what "they" say. They call it the honeymoon stage and when you "really" get to know that person you're with. This happens when there are those who didn't wait on God or seek him first and getting His approval first then run into the instances when they find out they are not compatible at all and head right on down to divorce court. Like you said, sometimes it's not in a year, it could be two, one month, or one week. This happens when rushing into something you have no idea truly what you are getting yourself into first. It's sad, but it happens alot.

r231:
next time tell her to pay you

Brownteeth:
With what? STD?

Lol, you all are cracking me up! OMG! Lol

I'm feeling you on what you are saying. Which actually you do raise a good point. But again, livedit can only speak for herself. I think alot of times women feel very appreciative and like to express themselves physically, so it's not so much of a *reward* but because they simply care and appreciated whatever it was their man did for them. Rather it was for something thoughtful he just done, said or gave us. We know sex is the most intimate act you can do with someone. Sex is something that we know that feels good that makes many men happy and us too. But again, this does not apply for ALL women. But some, then there are ones who have reasons of their own.

Yes. A ring is always nice to have for many. But to this woman, it's not a requirement. You feel me? As long as I know he meant it from his heart and backed it up on how he treats me. I'm good. I'm not into jewelry like that anyway's. I like earrings more than I do rings. All I want is his heart, because then I know I have him. You can have a man propose with the biggest rock ever and then she still don't have his heart. Bottom line, he confessed that he is in love with me and want to spend the rest of his life with me and then gave me his heart. I'm good, the ring you can always get later. I'm a simple chic that enjoy simple things in life! What can I say?

My Christmas wish would be for everyone to get what they wished for. 
My plans is the same as it is every year. Lol 
My present would be to spend it with my fiancee.   
My surprise would be if I did get to spend Christmas with my fiancee this year. 

@ Rhymez- Amen!

@Ayowumie - The real question is, why would a man need a woman like THAT for? She was straight up trying to play you! Not all women are like that. She definitely need to go back to school to tighten up her game, that was pathetic!  Anyway's, I can understand why a situation like this made you inquisitive or upset as to why a man would need a woman. Rhymez answered it perfectly.  Besides us being  wo-(with the womb) man  or fe-(to carry the fetus) male to bear your children, we are also here as a help mate. Tell the truth, how exciting would this world be without women on this earth?  Adam would still be alone in the Garden of Eden. But GOD said it's not good for man to be alone. For He know's what's  best for us. Therefore, he took a rib from Adam and created Eve.

That's really sad that a woman, excuse me, I mean girl, that you've known for about a month think she had the right to ask for 20K (I'm thinking is US funds as $20,000) but regardless of the amount, that was straight up wrong. Then she had to wait to be *released" or in other words *permission* to come meet up with you.  Then couldn't even remember slipping up and telling you she had a man and that beautiful girls need money to stay in shape.  She's right, that's what beautiful girls need, but a woman will already have what she needs to be a beautiful woman.  Makes you think how many men she pulled that on, What is this world coming to? 

@ Ms. Potatoe:

Lol, I feel you girl. Me too! My house, car and everything around me has to be cleaned and in order. I work in a office and I'm the only one with my desk neat and clean.  I can't stand clutter. Seriously, I can't think. Everything has to be neat and in order. I don't like stuff sitting around. I have scented plug ins everywhere in my house and smell goods in my car too. I carry anti bacteria wipes with me to work and keep it in my car. Have hand sanitizer with me at all times.  I don't touch public doors. I use a bacteria wipe or tissue to open the door. Just germs, clutter and dirt makes me uggghh sick.  . But you good girl! I've seen extremist though. I'm not in that catagory, but close enough. 

ElRazur:
Would you rather he keeps mute and do it behind your back while maintaining a false approach with you?

From what I can tell, they like each other and that is about it. But there may be possibility that a relationship may happen.

If that is the case, then he could've just left things as they are. Everybody deserves to know where they stand in a relationship. So they are just talking and not in a committed relationship, then I think he could've worded alot better than that. Because you can go do whatever with whomever I won't be mad, I'd look at him like he is crazy! When you are only dating, of course I'd be like you are free to see whomever you want to see. Then once they call it exclusive then that is just what it means "exclusive". I appreciate all honesty in a relationship, but him telling me versus to me already knowing the deal, wouldn't make me feel any better. He just need to learn a better way to communicate his feelings. That is his only crime if this is the case.

This man has some serious issues. You told this guy from jump that you are already in a relationship and that you were not interested in having anything more than a friendship with this guy. But yet he still continued to pressure you and manipulate you into being with him. Now, when he realized him trying to bully you into being a relationship didn't work, he gave you the old yee-haw! He did you a favor. Would you honestly want to be with somebody like that anyway or even helping you? He offered you his help but then it came with a string attached. I say he is better off out your life and you can find a job on your own. You don't need him. The guys seriously has some issues and you really don't want to get all caught up in that. I would also say stop contacting him and you can find your way. Whatever he need to do to get "over" you, just let him do that. You are better than that. To me, it still sound like he still trying to run game on you. Just leave him alone and go on about your business as if he never existed. This situation isn't even worth a bead of sweat to be worrying over. I would say from his actions alone, he was not serious about you. If there were, he must be really desperate to find someone to harrass somebody to settle down with him. Then that in itself should raise a left eye brow, what is his hurry?

The real question is, do YOU want to marry this woman? Have you prayed and ask God is she the one for you?  Is her age that much of a deal breaker for YOU? You never mentioned how old the two of you are.  Do you love her? Does she loves you? Is the chemistry there? Is she the type of person you can see yourself settling down with for the rest of your life? Does she feel the same way about you? Because the last thing you want to do is just "settle" for some one just because of peer pressure of getting married.  Don't ever let anyone pressure you into something like that.  Because when you do try to appease people, the more likely than not you are destined to be yet another statistic of getting divorce some where down the line. Here is more questions to ask yourself: How does she make you feel as a man? Does she add value to your life? Do you to hers? Do you share similiar goals in life?

I ask all these questions is because it's so much more to deciding to settle down and marry someone simply based upon age.  On another hand, under some certain circumstances, age would play a huge factor on rather or not if this person is someone you are willing to live the rest of your life with.  If you are that confused and un-sure about it, then I say don't marry this woman until YOU are absolutely sure she is the right one for you.  Because we can all say, yeah go for it yada yada yada, and then one day you wake up and be like, what the heck did I just do. I made a life changing decision based upon the advice of a bunch of strangers that you don't know or know you or your complete situation.  Marriage is serious and shouldn't be taken lightly.

With all due respect, you actually have answered your own question.

darkman200:
Are you married or single?

My apologies for the late reply darkman200. I'm single, engaged to become married.

I would take whatever that hurt women. Most men are better at hiding their emotions than women are. I would think men would be hurt to if they were unloved, unwanted, disrespected, rejected, put down, used, pain, mistreated etc. All the same things a woman would be hurt over or about. Some women tend to take it to the extreme sometimes. But men are human too. If God can be hurt, what makes you think a man can't be hurt. (I'm not speaking of physically either) That's one thing I'm glad I've been raised to respect myself and therefore I respect others rather they deserve it or not. You know the old saying, you should treat people how you would wanted to be treated.

I agree with the previous poster. Love and protection is a prerequisite in my opinion. But most of all, he needs to be a man of God, know the Lord, serve and love the Lord. A REAL man, who is responsible, independent, dependable, eccentric, great sense of humor, respectful, compassionate, loyal, with high integrity. Definitely need to be sexual compatible with some untouchable chemistry.

I would also have an issue with that too!  I wish my man would tell me, hey livedit, it's okay for you to sleep with other men since we live on opposite sides of the world. Then that would draw up a tremendous red flag as to how much exactly he is committed in this relationship. I don't care if him and I lived on different planets. I will not cheat on him and I expect the same respect from him.  Are they in a committed relationship? If not then, he basically giving her the okay that she can still date and do what she want and he will do the same. But telling someone that it's "okay" to sleep with other people while in a relationship is NOT an option! I would've been greatly offended by that remark. If they don't ever plan on getting together and making it official then, no. I still wouldn't have said that though. You use the term of you are free to see and date whomever you like. Not it's okay to go sleep with every Tom, manliness of Harry? Ummm noooo! 

@ Ms Potatoe : "Don't let those haters get to you! Do yo thang! You take great pride in your appearance and hygiene. They probably just jealous. I get the same thing. I ALWAYS make sure I'm tight. Teeth brushed, cleaned and flossed. Take several baths throughout the day and make sure I'm smelling good. It's better than smelling bad. Lol Play on girlie.

Besides the above as Ms. Potatoe. I have men and women tell me that I am pretty, me being down to earth, honest, loyal, caring, real, non-judgemental and straight forward. My personaility in general. I'm very silly so I like to make people smile and laugh. My word is bond above all.

Are you seeking to be in a relationship with her or just a "hook up"?  If you are seeking more, you can ask her if she would be interested in going out on a date or maybe play the "friends with benefits" role which is strongly not recommended!  You can ask her if she would be interested in more than just a "fling" and see what she says. If she doesn't,  then you were just a one night "fling" and need to let it go and find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you.

Edited to add: Real women don't play games.

The same as to why alot of Black American men/women marry Caucasians, Asians or Hispanics. Sadly, I do believe that there are some men who specifically seeks out to marry for only the intentions of getting their"green card" and/or for many other selfish reasons. Judge not, for ye will be judged. You can not sin in this body and think their is no repercussions that comes tags alone with it. What you do in this body, you have to pay for what you did in your body. Vengeance is the Lord.

BUT, then there are some African men who are genuinely seeking a loving, loyal faithful wife who possess the qualities he is looking for in a woman. Then if she happens to be a "African American" then so be it. To be honest, being a African American woman I see way more "mixed" couples and marriages than I do the same race or cultures where I live. To each it's own. I've dated outside of my race before and it's no big deal to me. A man is still a man and I love them all. I don't discriminate. That is why I am currently engaged to a genuinely loving and caring African man.

Sadly, with this world being as corrupt, judgemental and imperfect as it is, some don't feel the same way. You just have to be careful, use your God given common sense before hooking up with someone. Take the time to get to know them, make sure they add to your life, not take away. When in a doubt, because sometimes "love" or intense emotions could cloud your judgement. This is when thee should diligently seek the kingdom of God for assurance and guidance. You should always keep God first in whatever you do and in your life and you won't go wrong. Many people just jump head first over a cute face, tight body a fat bank account or/and desperation and don't know what evil lurks within. That is why it's always good to keep a good relationship with God, and whatever is not meant to be in your life won't be no matter how hard you try and what IS meant to be WILL be.

I like tattoo's! But it all depends on what kind of tattoo it is too. I do not like the over kill where his whole arm(s) and leg/back or anything like that is tattoo'ed up. I think the bicep tattoo is very sexy. My fiance do not have any tattoo's.  He doesn't like them. However, he likes mine. I have 3, one on my left leg of a butterfly on a rose, one on my left bosom of a heart with a flower going threw it and a lady bug crawling up the heart and finally one of a heart with with two daggers going through the heart on my right arm.  He likes my tattoo's but clearly stated he don't want me to get anymore. So I won't.

Lol, this is cracking me up! Lol, these are my favorites:

>>Never say think "POSITIVE" to someone waiting for their HIV test results.<<
>>Your so ugly, you can't even get a date from the calender!<<
>>You remind me of my chinese friend, Ug Lee.<<
>>Why when your wife gets pregnant, everyone rubs her belly & says "congrats!" But nobody rubs your manliness and says "Good Job"?<<
>>I hate weddings cuz everytime an old person see's u they poke u and say "hey your next" so I started doing the same to them at funerals<<
>>You're so ugly your imaginary friend plays with other kids.<<[b][/b]
LMBO!

By asking God to release her heart from out of yours. It takes time to get over someone you truly love. Allow yourself time to heal and if need be, you may want to consider getting counciling. It's hard to pick up and go after getting your heart broken. But time heals all wounds. You will be fine. Just ask God for strength and continue to move on with your life. Try to keep yourself surrounded with loving family and friends. Try to keep yourself preoccupied with activities you like. The more you sit alone and mope the longer it will take for you to get over her. Sooner or later, the "one" will be given to you and she will be a distant memory.

I was 27 when I lost my virginity. I am now 34. At that time, I thought I was ready to lose it to my boyfriend at that time, bUT not at that very moment he took it. So I was pretty much forced. But to answer your question, my reason for waiting that long was due to my religion up bringing. I was taught that you should not have sex until you are married. As time went on, I got to a rebellious stage where I wanted to do what I wanted. So once I met the guy I felt at that time was worthy of my gift, I gave him my gift but later super regretted it.

Words to the wise: this is for all the virgins out there, if you can help it, be careful whom you choose to give that special one time gift too, once you give it away you can never get it back!

Okay, I think in reality, she did you a favor. Why would you want to be with someone like that or/and give your virginity away to a person who would just up and leave like that. From that response alone she is too immature to be in a loving and meaningful relationship. Why waste your time on someone like that? She just proved herself that she is not worthy of your virginity.

As a woman, I wouldn't nor have a issue with a guy being a virgin. Why would I? Makes no sense to me. Maybe I'm just old school. All that matters to me if we are compatible in every way and we are seeking similiar goals in a relationship and in our personal lives. Why should it matter if he is/not a virgin.  To me, that's a blessing. I find that an honor.  These days, that's VERY rare to find. Since you stated that you are still a "player", then why do you find it necessary to tell a woman you are a virgin unless you or her plan on getting intimate with each other.  Until then, it's none of their business. 

Far as sexual "experience" I still find no problem with that. What you don't know, she could teach you. So I don't find no problem with that at all.

I agree with the other posters.  You seem to really like this woman. Your best bet is to just let her know how you feel. Just let her know that you enjoy and value your friendship together and if she is interested in taking your friendship to another level. Be kind, polite and sure of yourself when you ask her. You can try inviting her out some place where it can be just the two of you or on a double date. You never stated how long the two of you have been friends, but you should have an idea of something(s) she likes to do.

You won't never know how she feels unless you ask her.  But when you do ask her, be prepared to accept whatever answer she gives you.

Good luck!

I agree with the others. Love has no color. From the beginning, we were ALL created in the image of God. No one is better than the other. We were all created equally and should love one another equally. I have dated outside of my race. I'm a black american woman and I've dated a white man, black man, mixed with black/white and now I'm engaged to a Nigerian man. A man is a man in my opinion. It's about the character of that person. Their make-up. God put a man and woman together by their spirits, not their race, culture, looks and so on. It just amazes me sometimes how so many people tend to stereotype or catagorized one race/culture against another. Just pure petty, immature, un-educated ignorance in my opinion.

That's outcold! But I think that was so caring and brave of you to risk your life to save someone elses.  People can be shady and careless like that. You can save their life and then they just get up and walk off and don't look back. Just straight heartless. But kudos to you! I still think that was awesome of what you did. Don't worry, what you did won't go un-rewarded.

I understand completely your feelings about this. As I'm currently in a long distance relationship right now. I know my financee and I will be together in a few months. But I won't lie, it's HARD! We communicate everyday, even if it's just a quick text of hi honey, I love you etc. Several other people on here mentioned to make sure you keep constant contact is an absolute MUST! Make good use of Skype or webcam definitely. But I completely feel you on this one. I wish I could offer more words of solace to you. Also, I'm not sure about your or his finances, but yall should also come visit each other if you can. Lord knows I miss my honey to death!!

I agree with the others. I don't care how long you've been dating this person or what stress he/she is under. There is NEVER no justified excuse for a man or woman to be putting their hands on somebody like that. Don't even think about blaming it on the alcohol either. You still know what you are doing. If you have issues/problems going on within yourself where you result to violence then YOU don't need to be in a relationship period!!! At least, not until you get yourself some therapy. Dealing with day to day life is a trip in itself and then to have to deal with someone beating/hitting you is not an option! If this is happening to you or someone you know I suggest you or them to get out NOW. You can still love and pray for them. But don't put yourself in harms way just because you've known this person x amount of years. Love yourself more. Alot of women/men stay because their scared, love, pity or just don't feel they deserve better, but you do. No one deserves to be beat/hit. You need to learn self control and if the situation is that heated, then you need to leave. Those who want to chase after them are asking for it, don't make excuses for the abuser and definitely don't put yourself out there like that. No one deserves to be abused rather it be physically or emotionally.

That all depends on the man. Gifts are always good, especially when given straight from the heart with no strings attached nor trying to get brownie points. But because you genuinely care and want to express your love. Love gives so that's the best gift I can think of that I can give my man that he will never forget. Everything else is just extra perks to me. I make sure my man is respected well taken care of and loved genuinely. I try to meet each and every one of his needs. I stay true to him and to myself always. Every partner I've ever had has never forgotten about me and vice versa.

My goodness. Ugly, according to who? Not all people would find the same person to be "ugly". That's not true at all. I really don't think this "ugly" person don't have a mate is because he/she's "ugly". I think his/her self esteem outlook of her/himself of thinking that low of him/herself is why they haven't attracted anyone. No one wants an insecure partner. Just because some people may not find you attractive don't make you completely "unattractive". Everyone is different and like different qualities about a person. "Looks" shouldn't be the sole purpose of wanting a relationship with someone. Looks will fade and then what you have left? There are many women/men that are attractive but are so "ugly" inside that it protrudes on the outside and makes them ugly. It's all about how you feel about yourself. YOU have to feel and think you are the stuff. I feel, you can always find some kind of asset about yourself that you can build on. But walking around pitying yourself and thinking you are ugly and don't deserve or will get anyone is not the way to go. You will continue to be in that same predicament.

Desperate to get married? No, not all women are desperate to get married.  There are many women who can hold their own down and stomp with the big dogs.  However, I can only speak for myself.  I'm about to take you to church on this. Marriage began with Adam and Eve and it's also in the ten commandments. I bet more men would opt to get married if people lived by the bible and did not fornicate or commit adultry. Just think, if we kept God's commandments, there wouldn't be all these diseases running wild and chaos/pressure about sex.

Again, this is my opinion.