₦airaland Forum

Good question, No- what's the point anyway? I feel if you still gotta "compare" your current mate to your "ex" then you still haven't gotten over your ex.  I could care less what "other" people have.  I'm very satisfied with the relationship I have and my focus is on my current relationship making it stronger and stronger.  I don't even think enough about my ex to be honest to compare him with my man now.    , I leave the past, in the past.  I think if you gotta compare your mate with your ex or whomever else, then you got issues and obviously not completely happy and insecure in your relationship.  But I'm very secure in my relationship and none of my ex's will ever compare to the man I have now.  So it's all good.

You guys are cracking me up! Anyway's, there are veeerrryyyyy few people I would give my life for. I would give my life for Christ (which I already have, BUT he was the last sacrificial lamb), if I had children, my sister, and my mother. That's about it. But then again. It also depends on the circumstances too!

Too funny, so what are YOUR duties as a fiance/husband?

Wait a minute, am I understanding this correctly: your fiancee is calling women for you so you can hook up with other women What the? She just asking for it. If she wants to "test" your love then there is really no love there.  She should already know. I've never heard of anyone doing this.  And another thing, I don't mind my mate "looking" at other women.  He is a man, and you can't help but to notice an attractive person walking or standing by.  But just don't be all obvious and staring at her. Especially when I'm in his presence.  That's definitely a taboo.  Then we got problems! But as far as calling women, is her self esteem that low? Or could it be like another poster said. She's not into you as she should be, she's cheating, or she's afraid you would do that behind her back anyway and don't care. 

There is no way on God's green earth I would help my fiancee cheat on me!  You may want to re-evalute if this is someone you want to marry.

Either way is a turn off to me.  But I would have more respect for the guy who is straight forward and tells me what he is looking for and about. That way, I am given an option if I want to proceed and date him or what have you. Versus meeting some guy who talk a good game, leading me on all the while playing me.  For which I have absolutely NO respect for this type of guy.  I'm all about being straight forward with people and I expect the same respect.  But I have to disagree on one part, I don't believe that all men just want intimacy from a woman.  A large majority do, and of course eventually the guy will want intimacy after sometime. But I shed the thought of thinking that what all men want is intimacy.  There are men who genuinely want to be in a loving committed relationship.

[quote author=Mr¬Cork link=topic=563044.msg7280401#msg7280401 date=1291634336]Call Spiderman!! [/quote] OMG! LMBO!, What the? You so funny. 

Ladyjide:
Is he wanted by the police for a reward? If so I am turning him then claiming it!

LMBO!, You all are hilarious! I'm dying laughing! 

Well, if we are just starting out dating. Then there aren't any serious attachments yet.  But it all depends on what his crime was for and if he was completely reformed and delivered.  It's kind of hard to say what I might do.  If he was a pedophile a murderer, despoiler or something like that. I would more than likely end it.

Ladyjide:
Well to a certain degree yes this is true! For me my stance is come to the table as my equal if not more at very least. I respect a man who is trying, and is working hard to reach his goals as well! I do not need to be taken care of because i have my own but also you need to be a contributing financial factor in the relationship as well. Finances will most likely become a problem later on when marriage is put in the mix- especially in situations where a woman earns way more than her man- especially in most Nigerian households!!

Excellent response! I don't have much to add to this except that also goes for American women too. I'm an American woman and I make more than my fiancee and every other man I've ever dated. But I didn't love or respect them any less.

There's nothing much he can do.  That's the repercussion of smoking. Black lips and yellow teeth. As long as his oral hygiene is good, she is just going to have to get over it.  That's petty because that's only cosmetic. It can be corrected with bleaching. But why go through all that?  He still the same guy. Depending up on how committed they were and the love they have, it shouldn't matter his lips are dark.  I wish I would leave a good guy that use to smoke, but quit just because he have dark lips. Just superficial thinking.  If it's that much of an issue for her, then she should tell him and end the relationship.

No, I don't feel you were wrong for asking about her health status. Especially if you two are planning to become intimate together. I applaud you for being sexually responsible in this situation. Apparently, she has some issues and you are probably better off without her. No need to gamble with your life! You did the right thing. You have every right to inquiry about her health if you are going to be intimate. Don't beat yourself up about it. When it comes down to it, she probably did you a favor.

I'm assuming your wife feels the same way you do. Then in that case, if your tired, then your tired. Like you said, you have the rest of your life to be "together" so it's not an prerequisite. But on the other hand, if your wife wants to be "together", then it's only fair you two come to a compromise. Otherwise, I consider that selfish.

Having eternal life through Christ Jesus. Because when you have him, everything else is added will be added unto me anyway.

Politely tell him, thank you but you are not interested and removed yourself from that situation. Now, if he comes after you, that's one thing. That's something else altogether. But so what if he start yelling or whatever. Walk away and don't look back. He will be the one in the end looking like a fool.

Yes, I would kiss my significant other in public.  But I voted no for kneeling down to beg for forgiveness. If we have a quarrel or what have you, I wouldn't humiliate my man by having him kneeling down nor will I be kneeling.  A simple "I'm so sincerely sorry, will you please forgive me while maintaining eye and I'll make it up to you later would be suffice.

obowunmi:
Are you Nigerian ?

No, I'm a black american woman.

That's a long time so you two should pretty much should know each other. I think that is awesome that you have a lot to offer her but my worries is if SHE would be ready for all this. You mentioned you are 29 right? So you are pretty much establishing yourself. She is just starting. SHE is still very young. That's what I meant by her being inexperienced with life. I still think you ought to talk to her about your feelings if you are truly feeling that she is the one. But if you are fine either way it goes as you just stated. Then I say go for it and ask her. Never hurt to take a chance. You just gotta be prepared for whatever the outcome is.

She's only 20 and you want to propose marriage to her already?  She maybe intelligent, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she will be ready to settle down and take on a life changing experience such as this.  She is more likely still "immature" and have alot to learn about life.  That's very helpful that she is book smart, but she also has to be mature in other ways to.  Seems like she has her head on straight by continuing her education on in life.  This is a sticky situation.  

How long have you two been dating??  Because marriage is serious business and requires alot of responsibilties keeping a home and being a wife and maybe down the line having children.  Some women are able to toggle the married life as well as attend school at the same time.  But you sound like a guy that requires alot of attention from his mate and that may become a huge problem down the line.  School is very time consuming which means it will definitely take away alot of alone time with her.  But if you feel if it's worth it and you two can make out a schedule for alone time but it's going to have to take alot of patience and understanding on your part.  Are you able to cope with that without resenting or regretting her?  You two definitely need to sit down and discuss what your short term goals are in your lives. Ask her where she see herself in the next year or so.  This should've been asked on the first date.  Anyway, don't rush things thinking she will find someone else.  You never know what can happen. But whatever you choose to do, just let her know your goals in life right now (include marriage, family, work etc.) and then you two going have to decide if you two are going to be compatible in the very near future.  If you decide to let her go and attend school and all that good stuff, make sure you let her know kindly why it's not going to work out.  That way she not left wondering what the heck is going on or think bad about you.

I hope any of this helps. Good luck.

That's just by choice. I'm currently engaged right now, but when my pastor marry us, my new last name will be his. We are now one. I'm dropping my last name completely. It won't be hyphenated or anything. So that proves not all women will keep their maiden name.

It was four months when I met my now fiancee.  I live in Michigan and he is currently living in South Korea.  Before we met and even after we met in person we talked every day via phone, IM, email, webcam.  I wish we could've met even sooner then that. But him and I needed to also pray alot about our relationship to make sure that we are compatible and this union is through God's doing. 

I hear so many horror stories about online dating and so forth.  Which is why I was hesistant about going on a dating/networking website to meet and get to know people.  Sadly, in some cases it's true that there are those who encounter evil con artists. But I do believe God work's in mysterious ways and he don't have only one idea in bringing couples together.  He is not limited on you walking down the street, bump into somebody, you both look up at the same time and see hearts. It could happen, but he is not limited to that.  But again, these are my beliefs.

Lol, Oh okay,  the world.  I think that is a strong word "never". They maybe right.  Black women or any other woman will never find love if they "believe" and accept it won't ever happen.  Far as livedit, I don't believe it.  But again, this is MY opinion.

Nobody can know for sure, we can only guess.  Like freecocoa just said, it is SHE who only knows why she do not want to do any physical touching.  You will definitely need to find time to talk to her in a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere and ask her.  This is something you definitely want to hear directly from the horses mouth.  Just because she hasn't made physical contact with you doesn't mean that she is not into you.  It could be a number of reasons.  It could be that she don't feel comfortable having that kind of intimacy this early in your relationship.  It could be that she's nervous and don't know what else this physical contact will lead to.  Maybe she wants to take things slow and get to know you better before engaging in such an act.  Maybe she's afraid if she "gives in", that you won't want her or respect her later on.  Maybe she's heard things about you and unsure of you.  Maybe it's psychological or medically something wrong with her.  Or maybe she not into you like that.  Like I said, it could be a number of things. And the best way to tackle this problem is head on by asking the main source, your girlfriend.  Then YOU have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. Because let me tell you, the last thing you want to do is "trick",  pressure, manipulate or co-hearse her into something she doesn't want to do.  Because she will just resent you or/and run.

Good luck!

NOPE! That is why I waited on God to send me someone equally yoked with me before I wed. Then you don't fall into catagories like this. God won't send you someone whom you not equally yoked. That's why courtmanship and dating is pertinent in the beginning. Then you get to know more about that person and if you two would be compatible. Because to me, religion, chemisty, maturity, being on the save wave length, goals and sexuality plays a VERY important role when choosing a mate. You feel me? Bottom line, no one or nothing will ever take me away from my Lord and Savior. I don't care who he or whatever it is. That's something I will never compromise about myself.

According to who? That's definitely not true. It maybe so by the "worlds" statistics. But that's not what my God says. No one has to be alone UNLESS they choose too. Many of these women is seeking love in all the wrong places. Settling for "garbage" when they don't have to. That goes for the men too. Nobody has to settle or go without. I'm a beautiful African American woman and I've been blessed to meet and grew in love with a wonderful man. In the past I use to believe in those statistic, but I don't anymore. People are given choices in life and if you choose the wrong person or wrong path then you have cases like these.

Hmmm, interesting question. Well, in the bible, it says if a man don't work, he shouldn't eat.

It also depends upon the circumstances on WHY he has to depend on the woman for all his financial needs. Could it be that he is ill or medically unable to work, got laid off BUT searching for employment and haven't been able to find a job. Or could it be his personal family life that his mate makes enough and able to support the family. Being responsible. Then in return, he should do his share of working in and around the house. Keeping things in order. Men were made as leaders. But I know with certain circumstances rather it be medically or age or what have you then it's okay IF the woman is able to handle it.

But if he is able mind and just lazy and don't want to work and sponge off his mate then no. I don't think it's okay at all. Neither do I agree it's okay for a woman to be lazy and watch her husband struggle trying to support her and the family while she lays around does nothing. Women were made as help mates. We help support our men. Then if the man is out working, then we care for the home and take care of him when he get's home. Two way street.

Dumb is a harsh word. I would say more like naive, inexperience and immature.  I say it goes equal for men and women.  It all depends on the person. Some people don't learn the lesson the first time and have to be "tricked" or "played" again. Therefore, they fall victim for the same situation(s) again.  Then too, sometimes people can be "distracted or blinded" by whatever or whomever so much that like you said, they might even notice what's going on in their relationship.  Life is a continual learning experience altogether so with that being said, that what makes the world go round and round.

Woa.  I'm sorry, but that's straight up wrong and shady on BOTH of yall parts.  If she is not happy in her marriage and nothing could be done to rectify their marriage. As much as the bible is against divorce. Then she should get a divorce.  Then she can see whomever she likes.  But not start commiting adultry with her husband's friend and whomever else.  It's more fault with her than you because she is married and took those vows in front of God and her husband that she would love, honor and cherish her husband through good times and bad times and then to turn around and do something low down like this.  Man, I really feel for her poor husband being super betrayed like this by two people he love and trust. Wow! You definitely need to try and correct this right away. You first need to ask God for forgiveness and then her husband.  You may lose your friend in the process and maybe even her. But this is not right, and you know it.  But who am I to judge. I wish you all the best of luck with this brother. 

Edited to add: Hmmm, makes you wonder about this woman if you really want to be with her if you two end up doing the right thing and get together.  You better watch your back. Because as the bible says: "You reap what you sew"

I'm so sorry to hear what your girlfriend done to you.  You never know, that could've been God.  Whomever is meant for you WILL be in your life.  This could be a test of your faith.  I know this is hard and get's very frustrating trying to wait on that special one.  I've been praying for years for God to send me my husband.  I would cry everyday wondering why he haven't came yet? What was it about me? I would sit back and watch all my other girlfriends get married, start a family and so on and I'd be still sitting there blinking hearing cricketts.  I didn't know it then, but I know it now that it wasn't my season yet.  That God needed my heart and mind to be right with him.  He wanted to be 1st in my life.    I needed deliverance from my ex-boyfriend whom I thought I was over.  Spiritually, my spirit was dead.  God can't send me the mate with me being messed up like I was. Not saying it's the same with you. But I'm just trying to make a point.  And to be honest, I'm glad he waited, because I'm a much better, stronger woman of God.  I put my Father which is in heaven first.  I let Him deliver me and set me free from sin and shackles that was tied to me that I didn't even know I had.  Now, I'm ready to receive and I know I will make a better wife for my soon to be husband.  He sent me an awesome man of God. He is from Nigeria and I love him to death! He is the next best thing that ever happen to me since I got saved.  God is good! I don't care what nobody says! 

But anyways, I digress.  But your season is near and your wife that was meant for you will come. You have to continue believing and speak it. Just wait on the Lord. He is a God that can't lie or go back on his promises.  You may want to take this time to seek God to find out what it is he want you to do. Sometimes you could be waiting and waiting, and God maybe holding her for you if there is something you suppose to be doing in his kingdom, maybe something you unknowingly ignoring about yourself that could be holding up your blessing. If you have a close relationship with our Father, then you should know his voice. He will speak to your spirit IF you listen to Him.  You can't give up! Just like the bible says, he may not come when you want Him, but He is always on time! Stand on His word no matter what or how it looks now.  Claim it and receive it!  You will be just fine. Rebuke and cast down those thoughts that you won't ever be happy and you will be alone for the rest of your life! That's not of God.  Just keep believing and praying.  God knows us better than we know ourselves. God know's what he is doing and he hasn't forsaken you.

To a certain extent, it does with me. I don't like dating men younger than me. Then to, as someone mentioned in their post, I don't want to date someone old enough to be my father or grand father either. I don't care how much we have in common, how rich or fine he is. If he was in grade school while I was a infant/toddler then he is too young/old for me.

I agree with iice.  Depends upon how close they still are too! But as iice stated, she may want to talk to her friend and explain the situation and find out her feelings about it.  She may or may not be cool about it.  Then to, I mean, she don't want to pass up on a good guy basing her future upon on what "someone" think or feel.  Granted her friend and her ex broke up on decent terms. Not over drama. But out of respect for her, she should let her know the deal that she kicking it with this guy and they want to make it official or whatever the case maybe. I say, go for it!