₦airaland Forum

kokoye:
Men : They like your girl and ask if she has a friend or sister they can meet.



some Ladies: They like your man and they want to take him from you!


Why oh why

_{is this a female bashing thread?}

Because they are jealous and just shady.  Like alot of men, women like to compete too.  And when they see someone they "want" and have no moral values at all and insecure amoung "other" things, they move in for the "kill".  Then some wonder why the guy they just took, don't trust them and end up using/dumping them and get with somebody.  I don't know why some people feel men and women think you do something negative and expect positive results.  

I can definitely understand and feel your pain.  From what I just read, it's possible she could be still upset that you stood her up. If you agreed to me at 2:00PM, (I'm assuming she called to let you know that she was going to be late) and after 20 minutes have past you just up and leave then she could be upset about that.  Last thing you want to do to a respectful loving woman is to stand her up. That shows you have no respect for us and to some, that you don't care.  But at the same time, it's also her responsibility to let you know that she is running late too. That way she is being considerate of your feelings and time.  Unless you'll leaving something out of this story, I don't see a reason for her to take this "silent treatment" to this extreme. Communication is the key to a successful relationship.  Without it, I doubt this relationship will last.  If you've tried talking to her and she won't listen or respond It's only so much you can do.  You can't force your apology on her.  It could be a number of reasons why she isn't talking to you.  It could be she is busy, she is being vindictive meaning paying you back for standing her up, she could have someone else or she just wasn't invested in this relationship as you thought she was.  I'm going to tell you, no relationship is perfect.  There will come a time when you may disagree or "feud" or if your partner do something that offend you.  But if it's not something life threatening or morally wrong, and also granted you genuinely love and care about this person. Then you should be able to confront your partner and tell them how you feel.

My recommendation, just back off and give her sometime to get herself together.  If she is invested in this relationship like you, then let her come back on her terms.  Because if you keep on her trying to get her to talk to you, you may cause her to resent you and/or run.  If you haven't already, your last attempt should be via e-mail expressing to her how you feel and asking for her forgiveness and for reconciliation.  Then leave it alone.  Don't harrass her. Go on with your life. I know you're hurting and you truly care about this woman. I know it's hard and easier said than done. But you don't want to come off desperate or "crazy".  Just give her sometime, and if she don't come back. Then you know exactly where you stood in her life.

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=564083.msg7302832#msg7302832 date=1291907450]Liveit,

IF you can laugh with your husband and everything is not a battle, THAT LOVE, love does not hurt and laughing is good.

^^Exactly! I love to laugh as you can see. Life is serious enough. It's a time and place for everything. I love a man with a sense of humor and don't wear his heart on his sleeve. My past experiences has taught me alot about people and even myself. That is why I chose the screen name (lived-it) Because many threads I read on these boards, I've been through it.

As you can see I am a comedienne and people I MEAN PEOPLE literally asking me to perform for them and I even had agents begging to sign me on. However, some things right now are more important than being in hollywood. The money to me is not a big deal and it not important in my life. Nothing more important than my husband and our future children.

^^ That's an great talent to have being able to make people laugh. You are so funny to me. And actually a few other's on this board too! I just be rolling. I feel you girl because I feel the same way.


It will be a time where you will make a decision that MAY AFFECT you and your husband. Remember to put him with you at all times and you won't go wrong. Laughing is a good sign keep it up for marriage isn't always peaches and cream.

That's true too. That's why it's an absolute must to keep God first in your marriage. Occasionally, you will encounter trials and tribulations in marriage. But I believe in God that our love, respect and dedication we have for one another will sustain throughout those tests and triumphs.[/quote]

kokoye:
She crazy. She the devil

Nawl, she not the devil or crazy.  Sounds like to me she don't take no crap off of anyone and speak (type) her mind.  I'm hoping nobody are taking any of these comments/replies to heart. At least I would hope not. In the words of Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along" 

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=564799.msg7298568#msg7298568 date=1291849693](driving through as I flipped my middle finger and wave as I drive off)[/quote] You are killing me girl!! OMG, Lol, You are so funny!

kokoye:
B    I    G  head!

^^ Shame on you kokoye.  

[quote author=kokoye link=topic=564083.msg7302565#msg7302565 date=1291905630]Na . . not always.

But here is the question for you . . . do you want the son you are carrying to look like his daddy?

my son is a perfect combination of his parents . .you really cant tell.

Not at all! My fiancee is very handsome so I don't mind that he looks like him.  But I would like to see some resemblance of mom in him/her.    I know one thing for sure, our baby will probably be silly like his mom/dad because my fiancee and I always be cracking on each other and laughing all the time.  I once had a friend tell me years ago that when I have a child, my baby will come out laughing not like other normal babies when they come out crying.   [quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=564083.msg7302602#msg7302602 date=1291905871]Hey Liveit!

My husband surprised me when he said he want a girl first and then a boy, but then said it doesn't matter who come first but he definitely wants a junior.

I don't care what my children will look like because they will be beautiful, LOOK AT THE MOMMA (striking a Vogue pose) [/quote]That's a switch, he wants a girl first?, Awesome!, But you go girl! I know that's right, strike that pose!, and don't forget to wink to!  






 [/quote]

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=564083.msg7291970#msg7291970 date=1291766458]Hey Sister! Yes girl, he was fighting that poor dog but that dog was BIG AND TALL THOUGH, it wasn't no little dog it was one of them Saint Bernard type dogs with tall legs. Girl, I flipped them sandals off and was gone! My husband caught up with the dog and they were wrestling a bit then the dog was like this Negro crazy and pretty much left us alone. I was trying not to laugh because my husband was pissed off and it was hard trying to keep tears from rolling down my face! Oooh, I wanted to laugh sooo bad![/quote]Good morning Mrs. Eve!  

I have not yet visited his home country, but we do plan on going next year.  He wants me to meet his mother and the rest of his siblings that lives there.  So the dogs look different than the dogs here is America? Wow! But your husband and that dog is hilarious. I still crack up when I think about that.  

kokoye:
^^^

Yes, the boy first

He's wishing it for your own sake too . . so you'll be relaxed and his family will get off your back.

Whether we accept it or not, a lot of old school Nigerians still want a male child . .at least one.

They know daughters take care of the parents more due to emotions, but they still want a male child regardless.


I'm just a messanger so dont crucify me for this post

Lol, Oh really kokoye? Lol, I can understand him wanting to carry on his name. I like messing with him saying we are going to have a girl first and you should see him saying nooooooooo, Junior first and be laughing telling me to stop saying that. Of course he said I'm carrying his boy already. I'm like huh? I'm not pregnant yet! Lol , but regardless, I'll be happy with either or as long as he/she are healthy.

Which brings me to a question I'd like to ask if you please. Is it true that African men gene is strong and just about every child will look exactly like the father? I told my fiancee Mike that he don't know who he/she will come out looking like. But he swears his gene is stronger. What do you all think?

I also look younger than my age. I love that I look younger so that when I do get old, I'll look good for my age. Don't get me wrong, I don't look like jail bate but I don't look like I have grand children either. When people ask me how old I am, (I'm 34), they think I'm lying to them and say that I look way younger than that. So I'm cool with it!

kokoye:
I hear you.

Two separate girls lied to me about being pregnant several years ago.

I shed crocodile tears but did not suggest abortion - cos I knew that's what they were hunting for

Woooww, they did that. That explains why you made the right decision and not with them.

kokoye:
^^^

Test - find out if he really loves you.

Like lie to him that you are pregnant to see his reaction 

_{My life . .babes don show me o!! too many white lies from y'all. why dont you just straight up ask} 

Ooohhh I see kokoye! Women are hormonal.  I think some men tend to forget that and think we are just being "crazy" or "childish".  But the fact is when we sometimes feel "unloved" or not getting enough "attention" then some may test your love/feelings for them.  But let me say, those who feel they have to lie about being pregnant is someone immature and playing mind games. 

When you are in a relationship, I think both women and men run that "test" of faith and love. Even if it's jokenly just like what you said to see what reaction we get.  And if you are with the wrong person, it can back fire on us.  So that is why real men need to find real women who don't play games and vice versa.

I couldn't help but chime in on this discussion.  I'm a American black woman born and raised in Michigan and I'm currently engaged to an Nigerian Yoruba man and he is wonderful.  I must concur with you that he is protective over me (which for some reason I think is a turn on  ) and I know he takes on that *King* role but he also treats me like a "Queen".  I have NEVER an Afican man like him or any other man I was in a relationship with. (American, black and mixed) I've been with another African man before and he was NOTHING like him.  My fiancee shops, cleans, cooks, washes my clothes, hang them up and folds them.  He makes sure I am taken care of which is so awesome.  We both take care of each other. He is like no other. I'm sorry if I seem to be boasting about him, but I have never been this happy before with him.  He is such a blessing. I thank God each and every day for him.  I don't have a problem submitting to him. He is respectful and is good to me, so it's an honor because it is equal with love/giving.  That is why I don't mind submitting to him. Shoot, he submits to me too!    I couldn't ask for anything more.  The most important men in my life is God and then my fiancee. 

But I feel you on the culture thing. I'm still learning. I'm still trying to learn his language. Lol That is new to me about passing something with your left hand? Have you tried talking to him expressing how you feel.  I'm sure he is also aware of the culture differences with you too. It's gonna take alot of patience and understanding on BOTH of your parts.  You said you tried talking to him before and it was not useful.  Have you tried expressing to him how important it is to YOU to learn more about him and his culture?  Just express to him (in a none nagging or pressured way) that it will make you more comfortable and happy learning more about him.  He should be honored that you want to take an interest in him/culture.  And as that cliche goes, it's not what you say, but it's how you say it and the right time to say it.

@ Mrs. Eve : OMG!, I'm sorry,  I probably would've been laughing my tail off AFTER it was over and he wasn't hurt or anything!  I wouldn't have stopped laughing.  He so silly. But I know it was all in the name of love for his wife.  So it's all good. I just hope he didn't get bit or anything.  Far as the names for the kids and stuff. My fiancee does that too! He told me he wants a boy (a junior of course)  and then tell me I can have my girl next. I'm like whatever fool! Lol, Like he can choose what comes first.  I mean, I know it is the men who determine the "intimacy." of the baby, but he don't have control to say, hey, boy chromosone, you penetrate the egg. Lol It's every swimmer for themselves! 

we test men? No, we just wanna check you out like men check us out. We want to get to know you. Some women do "test" men. I guess you need to clarify what you mean by "test".

I remember someone posting something like this on a similiar board.  Unfortunately, no.  That's way to old for me. I will not be with somebody more than 5yrs older than me.  If he was in grade school or graduated from grade school when I was born, that's way to old. Sorry.

Sup Mrs. Eve!

You so silly. , don't say nothing at all romantic to the brothers huh?

Hmmm, so in other words, would I date a "great" guy with baggage?  That all depends how much of a "great" guy he is.  He will definitely need to handle his past relationship ASAP because eventually it will affect his and my relationship.  That ain't cool at all.  So to answer your question before livedit babble on and on like she normally does.   . Yes I would date him even with the psycho desperate ex-girlfriend.

Not unless you intend on getting back together again or letting her back in your life.  Because if she hasn't gotten over you, then you are creating false hope of you two working it out and getting back together.  If you do not intend on becoming friends or what have you, let sleeping dogs lie.  No need to rekindle old wounds and creating any unnecessary drama in your life.  Just pray, forgive yourself and move on.

I'm so sorry to hear this.  I'm sorry, I disagree with the others.  Sounds like to me that he is extremely selfish and took advantage of you.  I say he is selfish because after all that you have done for him, no matter what he is going through or if his plans didn't go as he wanted.  That didn't give him no right to be disrespecting you like that.  Now you're in debt and can't pay back the money you owe people.  On top of all that, he hanging up on you and completely dissing you! I think he completely used you and you are much better off without him.

If I read correctly, you've only known this man 3 months and you are doing all this for him? And this is the thanks you get? I'm sorry if I'm coming off hostile when I don't even know you or him, but I just can't stand when someone (man or female) mistreats a person just because they are going through or what have you.  You've done alot for this guy considering you haven't known him but a short period of time.  You have not done NOTHING wrong!  Don't you beat yourself up or definitely blame yourself about this situation. HE got himself in this predicument! HE did! I truly hope you are able to get the money you lost on this guy. But from what I just read about him, I seriously doubt it.  You may have to count your lost, try to work out something with the person you borrowed the money from and chop this up for a lesson well learned. I pray everything works out for you. I truly do.

I'm sorry, but I'm unable to advise of this situation. You say you live with your parents and you have a house girl? How old are you? Are you currently in a relationship? How old is this girl? All I can see is for you to keep "messing" with this girl whom suppose to be off limits is because you have a problem with self control and lust. I will need to know more the two of you to give my full page advice/comment.

Wow! Very informative information. That is why more people should be more careful in choosing a life long mate.  Prenuptial aggreements wouldn't even exist if some people would do that.  That's something my fiancee nor I have anything to worry about.  If by chance we did part, which is HIGHLY unlikely! Livedit is not a vindictive woman and try to take him for all his got.  That is why I'm an independent strong woman.  I can hold mines down without taking him for all his worth. That's just not what Livedit is about at all.  I don't see divorce no where in our future.  So I guess this thread don't apply to me. 

kokoye:
My manager is like 5000 miles away from me. She does not care who I talk to or what I do . .as long as my project are not late.

I only choose to stay off the phone outta courtesy for my neighbours at work, especially when I will be speaking yoruba on the phone

You are so lucky for your manager to be that far away and that cool.  And I think that is very considerate of you to consider your colleagues.  My fiancee, he is also from the Yoruba tribe and he is still teaching me his language though. Maybe one day I'll be able to understand more and completely be able to speak a whole Yoruba sentence to him.   

kokoye:
^^^

When a responsbile man finds a good woman who has said Yes to him, it is perfectly normal to plan for your family.

Oh yes!, He also be planning our retirement too kokoye!  , I love him to death though.  I think it's cute when he does that.  

I went to buy a house the minute my fiancee accepted my found the ring I hid from her

Wow!! You go kokoye! You wasn't playing were you! Cool!

kokoye:
Yup, I cant pick up your call at this time cos I'm busy with work . . but I can mess around on Nairaland _{doing that now}

Right right! Lol, You are hilarious. Unfortunately, I sit across from my manager, can't be on the phone all day, but a computer,

Once again, my husband is cool when it come to protectiveness and he is protective. He once fought a dog for chasing me.

[/quote]Are you serious? Lol, OMG! I just had a visual of that! Too funny!  

[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=564083.msg7290662#msg7290662 date=1291750809]Heeeey Yall!  (sounding like I just had some)

I just returned back from my lunch date with my husband!  Now, I can't never get enough or limit how much time I spend with my husband!  I love every minute of it! Now, I be like telling my husband to dial down on the phone callings when he call during breaks and lunch but HEY I am so used to it I don't think I would survive if he stop cos WHEN A MAN STOP CALLING YOU LADIES THAT WHEN YOU WORRY, SO FAR, I ain't worrying!  

My husband talks about family planning alot, IS THAT NORMAL AMONGST AFRICAN MEN?  (asking the brothers on this one)  Why is he monitoring my cycles? How can you fool a brother who knows your cycle BETTER THAN YOU? I think that should be a limit on that one!  

What yall think?

You know, I'm currently engaged to a Nigerian man.  And my fiancee is just like that too.  He already planning all the trips we are going to take in the future and family life together. I'm like what the? Slow down, can we get married first? Lol Anyway's, I wonder too if it's just our man or just his culture.  Either way I'm fine with it. But I do have to say sometimes, "honey, slow your roll". Lol

What up doe Mrs. Eve?

Wow! Awesome thread, I'm in agreement with kokoye on this one. I really don't have any limitations because I'm pretty much reasonable and have a tolerance in situations. But I do agree it has to come a time when you have to be realistic and considerate of your significant other. As kokoye mention, use it with love and tact. I'm big on texting because I work in a busy office and I don't carry my phone on me. So the best way to catch me is online or through text. However, I will follow up or send a text to acknowledge his message/calls. So he automatically know's I wouldn't intentially ignore him and he is also respectful with me as well.

But when you are dealing with social outings, friends, or family interferences you do have to be careful. It's all about being considerate, respectful and responsible. My family will tend to but in more than they should, but I know they just looking out for me and want the best for me. But they do have to realize I do have my own life to lead too. So you have to use your God given common sense when handling these kind of situations.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree that men are useless.  However, I can understand how much of a turn off that was for that man to behave the way he did.  Some men don't realize that if they are seeking a attractive good quality woman, he wouldn't have to boast like that.  So obviously this guy sounds like either he has experienced some bad "apples" and think that's the only way to impress or get a woman is to be egotistical.  He didn't realize boasting/bragging like that will more than likely draw more of the wrong kind of attention.  I feel there is nothing wrong with being proud of what you have and have accomplished in life, but be tactful when expressing it.  It's always good to be happy and successful, but him coming in behaving like that was uncalled for and left a bad impression with those people.

This is a sticky subject.  When taking communion, wine is usually given to represent the blood of Christ and a piece of bread/cracker is to represent the body of Christ Jesus.  My church home I attend substitutes grape juice instead of wine.  But I'm sure not all churches still do that this day in age.  I don't drink either alcohol or wine. 

Edited to add: I'm sorry, I didn't realize this board are for muslims only. I'm a Christian, not muslim. I'm withdrawing from this discussion. Please forgive me everyone!

kokoye:
Got you. I asked the question based on your earlier comment.

peace n love

It's all one love. I understand kokoye!

kokoye:
what about your father, brother, husband

I thought you were christlike.

I am a Christian. But I'm not Christ. I'm only human and not perfect.  That is why the bible says there is no other like Him. Moreover, my father is not around. Please don't misinterpret that I don't love my family and wouldn't fight for each and every one of them because I do love them.  I would rather not be put in a situation like that at all. Like I said, God was the last sacrificial lamb.  I love my soon to be husband very much and that's not to say later on that wouldn't change. But I'd just rather not think about it! Instead of, I'd rather speak life into all our lives.  

freecocoa:
I can't die for anybody especially a boyfwend that'll move on to another girl,the best i can do is faint for love and if matter comes to worst,i can go into a 1 week coma for any member of my immediate family only.

, You are so funny. LMBO, I'm dying laughing.