₦airaland Forum

yeyeosoronga:
You would have been treated just about the same way with a Ghanian man, if you brought nothing to the table. Same with a Nigerian man.
Abusers come in different forms or shape, and the easiest people to abuse are those who cannot get support or help easily. The same way orphans, maids are so easy to abuse in Nigeria.
You had no job or means to get a job, you left your country to a strange land for a stranger who had no plans for you.
You allowed your desperation to travel abroad and be with a white man cloud your judgement.
You were stupid enough to take his words that you could overstay your visa, and not expect repercussions. If he were that into you, he would have offered you the protection of marriage in his country. These were discussions you should have had before leaving your country. Why didnt he marry you immediately you got there, so you wouldn't commit a crime by overstaying your visa? A crime you have to bear the repercussion for a long time, as you can't even travel to other countries without this blight on your record

You owe it to yourself to be as smart as a fox, and as deadly as a serpent.
You should always be calculating. How is this deal going to pay you in the long run?

You should have your plan A, and if it doesn't work out, there are 25 other letters of the alphabet.
Always be ready for contingencies.

The following statement is neither succinct nor the crux of his evil action "You would have been treated just about the same way with a Ghanian man, if you brought nothing to the table. Same with a Nigerian man." His action against her goes beyond her not bringing something to the table - by the way, not everyone cares about what the other party can bring to the table (I know that when some of you make this statement it always points to material things), provided that they're mutually in sync and mutually share same ethical leanings/principles.

On the entire statement as quoted, a Ghanaian or Nigerian wouldn't have possibly treated her that way because what happened between them is a case of a predator who has fetish for slavery of a Black woman and an opportunistic Black woman who has fetish for leeching - A Ghanaian or Nigerian or Black man can't have fetish to experience enslavement of Black woman since they're of the same race. So, the White guy isn't just a predator, which a wicked African man or any wicked human being regardless of gender and race can be, but a White guy who has fetish for enslaving and sexually exploiting a Black woman.

I have personally intervened in few cases like this that involved women from some other African countries, so I've a firsthand experience of what's happening. Some of them do even usually wed and camp their preys in their respective countries in Africa, then when they got satisfied with their fetish they leave them behind and elope without leaving any trace.

It's a rampant case and Germans aren't the only perpetrators. Women from favourable African tourist countries are their worst victims - the luck our women have, the opportunistic ones, is that Nigeria isn't a huge tourist destination. The price of opportunism is always grievous.

Expediency is usually the major cause of this kind of death within government and business circles and even at interpersonal relationship level - she was either an opportunist or an opportunist made her a victim.

@OP

Citing your submissions, she has neither moral nor psychological nor intelligence deficiency; instead she has emotional deficiency (low emotional quotient). This means she can never help herself much, no amount of therapy/counselling can heal her completely, so bulk of the work is on your desk. You can bring the best out of her if you can effectively become tactically unassuming - and she'll forever remain loyal in particular and faithful in general to you. This is with the believe that both of you truly love each other/have altruistic interest towards each other as you stated.

However, if you can't embrace the above, it'll be better you cut ties with her completely because acts of disingenuousness and/or imperiousness towards her will only make her condition worse and will put you in more danger in relating with her. And no matter what you do, eschew the idea of taking battle to her in her own coin, not because you're weaker than her, no, but because she doesn't act wittingly - remember emotional deficiency is different from psychological deficiency and she cannot match you physically. Either of you'll kill each other with weapon, should you decide to take to anger like her.

As bad as her deficiency is, it's still better than moral and psychological deficiencies. You only need to master the art of handling her, provided you're certain that she loves you/has altruistic interest towards you and vice versa.

Meanwhile, if she has more than emotional deficiency, that's if she has emotional deficiency in addition to either moral (this in particular) or psychological deficiency, then don't bother to make the sacrifice of managing/bettering her at all for the sake of your sanity in particular and life in general.

crackkhaus:
"My boy" is a quite common western lingo among dudes when referring to close friends passionately.

Not in this regard because connotation of his submission says otherwise.

Belafonte:
It’s really not that deep.

My boy is a way of saying my guy or my homie. I

Tell that to dimwits who aren't discerning enough to extrapolate words and demeanour.

The rescuer/OP is an imperious man citing the way he took pleasure in addressing the rescuee as "my boy" - so, he's not different from the said woman because both of them have penchant for subjugation. Crass and expedient elements. As for the rescuee, it's obvious that he's a feeble-minded man therefore the reason why he's subjugable - he's the kind who forms hardman online - he should man up.

The major problem lies with people who fail to understand that movies are more of fiction than fact therefore the stories/actions aren't always waking life realities.

The very moment you start believing everything you watch on movies, or if they start influencing your thoughts and actions, stop watching them.

In fact, anyone who allows what s/he sees on movies to influence him isn't fit to be called an adult.

The reason isn't far-fetched; an average woman and cynicism are inseparable. Unfortunately, cynicism is a manifestation of disingenuousness in particular and egoism in general - nonetheless, it isn't exclusive to the female gender.

I doff my hat for the very few conscientious and/or altruistic women out there.

The postulation isn't just antwacky, it's also quasi-balderdash. People should stop mixing-up loyalty with faithfulness automatically, and should also know when, where and whom to/not to expect either one or both of them from in a circumstance - faithfulness, not loyalty, is the main product of dependability. Loyalty always responds to self-interest, it's fickle/temporal. Anyone, regardless of financial standing and ethical leanings, can give or withdraw loyalty at any point in time subject to circumstances.

Loyalty, unlike faithfulness which is its superior and the main product of sound ethical leanings, always responds to either self-expectation or realized self-interest, thus the postulations "loyalty ends where self-interest is realized, stopped flowing or stopped being appealing" and "I owe my loyalty to those who haven't given me reason(s) to question theirs towards me." Once more, it's fickle and one's ignorance to this fact is the beginning of a quasi-balderdash postulation like this one from Reno Omokri.

So, faithfulness which is the main thing starts where loyalty ends, it doesn't depend/respond to self-expectation or realized self-interest from the associating party or anything at all - and its expression is different too. Faithfulness is the forte of both altruistic and principled people. And a dependable and discerning person will always be able to quantify other people's dependability quotient, or undependability quotient thereof, regardless of such other people's financial standing. Someone who's ethically sound will always be dependable (faithful) in all circumstances - of course, a cause must exist just like in every other thing on earth - because an ethically sound person always gives his/her best in any cause they believe in.

To this end, knowing where, when and whom to expect loyalty from at any point in time will always prevent crucifying others unjustly or carrying bitterness/grudges around or allowing someone's failure to reciprocate weigh you down completely - it's good to keep in mind that it responds to self-interest, it's fickle and that it isn't automatically a product/representation of sound ethical leanings.

pansophist:
Bros, I understand you are trying not to generalize, probably You're married and not in the field dealing with Nigerian women. There is truism is what he said, millions of men saying the same thing can't be wrong. Naija girls needs a huge mental shift in their relationship with men. I have never actually felt love from a Nigerian woman (except my mum of course), until I travelled out, and i saw women that love me for intangible reasons such as my personality, intelligence, looks etc, as oppose to cash and my ability to flex them well. It doesn't hurt to be honest bros, of course naija men sef get their own for body, but it can not be ignored that good broke men hardly have a chance in the naija dating scene.

From Psquare that sang "financial woman", or Davido that said you should hide your face if you ain't got money, those words are true. Money is everything to Naija women.

I didn't dispute his pronouncement and, of course, my submission isn't wrong. Once more, both altruism and egoism know neither gender nor race - even though one of them may be more prevalent in a particular clime than the other.

Meanwhile, if we dissect the relationship between the two people under discussion, I hope you know that the outcome will definitely not be favourable to the guy. . . extrapolate the guy's submission without bias.

On the other hand, It's an irony that you don't believe that it's against natural law for one to be a judge in his own case, citing your allusion that your submission is the truth while mine isn't. LOL.

Well, I've tasted life from different divides, so believe you me, no one person or gender or race has monopoly of either good or bad.

I wish you the best.

Kalixx:

Say hello to your lunatic parents and direct your further mention(s) to them. And since you care to know, I'm he who a bumpkin like you and your lunatic parents aren't fit to lace his shoes.

It takes a gritty man (person) to live life on the periphery of conventionalism, like in this case, and provided that he took the decision voluntarily and conscientiously, like he stated, then he deserves plaudits rather than condemnation.

MedicH:
Unfortunately you've not said anything but just rallied around balderdash and dillydallying. By implications, men like you hardly get anything memeaningful from life because the reality they try to avoid by building castles in the air, winking in the dark or plain day-dreaming tends to catch up with them later in life and leave them no choice but suicidal tendencies, addictive behaviours and just plain misery.

When you have your own children kindly send them of to live as domestic help to some women who you believe will be altruistic to them.

A forum like this is a true leveler. LOL. Now direct your further mention(s) to small-minded people like you.

MedicH:
A nigerian woman is altruistic to you only when she your biological mother. Anything else you're dreaming.

By implication you mean that you're a narcissist or that all Nigerian men are egoistic - the latter isn't true. Summarily, you're both a narcissistic and an egoistic person, therefore you aren't justifiably qualified to cast aspersions on anyone.

Behind any cynical and paranoid person is a bigoted, hypocritical and disingenuous person in particular and quasi-devil in general - cynicism and paranoia are products of egoism.

Altruism isn't exclusive to the Western women (people) alone, some of our women are also altruistic. So, it amounts to mental parochialism for anyone to cast aspersions on all Nigerian women. Egoism doesn't know neither race nor gender.

Your crass and expedient personality is very evident from the little you've said here. Just take care of your health anyway.

Of course, I don't hold brief for your husband.

There's nothing wrong with fathers apologizing to their kids when they wronged them; what's true though is that wrong application of apology to kids can spoil them.

Amotekun777:
.

Say hello to your lunatic parents and direct your further mention(s) to them too, because I don't associate with a nobody like you.

Bumpkin.

Sentiment and the wedding list exclusion incident aside, your wife has better character than your mother - yet, she (your wife) can do better. Among other things, I understand your mother's longing for oneness among y'all but she ought to understand that it isn't rational and obtainable, more so with her kind of character.

Yes, you've an egoistic woman as a wife, even though she may not necessarily have been meting out self-interest attitude towards you for an obvious reason, but she's innately. Meanwhile, you also have an egoist woman who's equally conceited and/or domineering as a mother - a typical hypocritical disingenuous person; the worst kind of subjugator. So, the reason why both of them can't effectively relate well isn't far-fetched - big distance between them is very necessary always, while your wife embraces diplomacy in relating with her from the distance because courtesy demands so.

On your part, you've to embrace conscientiousness in relating with both of them in order to regain and maintain your sanity, while anchoring unity - oneness among all which your mother longs for isn't achievable, unity is achievable. She ought to know better. Focus on anchoring and fostering unity among all, while solely pursuing oneness with your wife (if she worth it), because it's the normal thing to do in the situation. This approach may permanently deprive you admiration, but without depriving you respect, from either or both sides and it isn't a bad thing - only the fair-minded will accord you both your earned respect with admiration in this instance, overtly or covertly. In the absence admiration with respect, It's better to be feared than to be admired.

Yes. An ethically sound wife deserves the best treatment in particular and love in its entirety from her husband, whether she's a housewife or otherwise - being a housewife doesn't automatically mean that a woman is lazy, unconscientious and unresourceful.

HRHQueenPhil:
u are right, it's not everybody.. Am not like that

lol, make I take fear agree say u are not like dat

HRHQueenPhil:
People change when it comes to money, worse is family members, devil deceives them that it's not stealing. What you need to do
1. Be the matured person and call and behave like nothing happened, this is a test so don't allow it to seem like u prefer money over ur family
2. Get married so they wld stop seeing u as a person who dosent have wat 2 do with money
3.dont come back 2 Nigeria if possible

Not everybody changes when it comes to money, as you erroneously asserted; some people do change. I have had my younger brother oversee multi-million naira projects for me without any funny story.



@OP

It's very unfortunate that you have an opportunistic man as a father - small-minded people always think that expediency means cleverness. You just have to forgive him, however stop entrusting your projects into his hands - but never alienate him from your life, always extend goodness to him on personal level.

frozen70:
I repeat, a woman success is her effort not a man's effort

So if you want to be with a rich amd successful woman

Just respect yourself if not you won't be different from a gold digger

Wretched people like you aren't hard to spot, lol. Empty vessels make the loudest sound.

frozen70:
Then let him hang his ego about every where he goes since its an abomination for a man to bring down his ego to relate with women and other people

His ego, his business

Just let the well to do women be, they are complacent with their way of life

On this "Then let him hang his ego about every where he goes"

Once more, stop mixing up egoism with ego. Only an unrefined man who hasn't conquered egoism will be hanging his ego around women/other people, regardless of their social status. There's nothing wrong with ego (one's sense of self-esteem), provided that the possessor isn't egoistic (selfish, greedy, or self-centered) or has conquered egoism.

Only a woman who hasn't conquered egoism will have problem to relate and put up with a man with ego who has conquered egoism.

A well-to-do woman who has conquered egoism is a bliss to relate with, while her opposite is personification of subjugation.

frozen70:
Loneliness, because there are no men in town again or because the whole men in the world are now scared of rich women

When you come across a rich woman, drop your ego and humble yourself thst doesn't make you less a man

And you will have her at your finger tips

Don't mistake ego (one's sense of self-esteem) for egoism/egotism (greed, selfishness, or self-centeredness). It's an abomination for a man to drop his ego in order to relate well with a rich woman or any person at all, regardless of such a person's status - no sane man with genuine interest and intention towards a woman will do such. Only a disingenuous man will drop his ego in order to relate well with a rich woman, or other people, and the reason isn't far-fetched, he's out to mete out pernicious act towards her.

A man's ego is equivalent to a woman's pride, and keeping them healthy entail a possessor individual conquering egoism.

Kennedyiheme:
lies... lol why do you think divorce rate in america has spiked from 10% to 50%... when i say successful women i mean very wealthy, like linda ikeji kinda wealthy, i don't mean average women..... if you say I'm not correct then, successful female celebrities should be an example.. how many of them are married?

Egoism is the major cause of spate of divorce globally, women emancipation isn't automatically the cause - egoism doesn't know gender. Some of you are always quick to mention America in particular and the West in general in every discussion, even when it's obvious that someone like you haven't crossed any of Nigerian borders, lol.

Meanwhile, name-dropping isn't my thing, but it's very obvious that you've erroneous understanding of what "very wealthy" means and the reason isn't far-fetched. On a general note, successful female celebrities aren't the best set of women to use judge all women since they're in the spotlight for every Tom, Dick and Harry, to scrutinize them.

Kennedyiheme:
at the end of the day, this is what you want.. in reality, its different... how many successful women are married, compared to the least successful women that are married.. I'm sure we all know the figures...

The problem is that you're using your environment and your POV as standard in a matter like this, very ridiculous. How many successful women do you know?

Believe you me, 95% of married women I can proudly say I know are successful both in their careers and marriages, and some of them have money more than their husbands. I find it ridiculous to hear anyone thinks that there're no wealthy/successful women who're equally submissive.

It's quite ridiculous to hear that most women cannot have successful career and successful home simultaneously, even when they abound everywhere - maybe, you haven't heard of something called balance. You've to accept the fact that it's not every woman who's egoistic (selfish, self-centered, or greedy). An altruistic woman, or a principled woman who has altruistic interest towards her husband (a sane husband), will definitely maintain both successful career and successful home.

What's true is that the the more successful an egoistic woman becomes, the lonelier/more unfulfilled she's going to be. So, the only kind of career successful woman who may not be able to marry the caliber of man - successful and sane man - she desires or have a successful marriage with such man, is an egoistic woman.

Also, it's only an egoistic career successful woman (or man) whose definition of "marrying down" is marrying someone of lower financial status, who will not marry a man below her financial status.

In summary, one's ethical leanings will always determine their mentality - and through people's ethical leanings you know their character. Spontaneous reciprocation of good character (goodness) is the major mechanism that enables a mutually healthy and happy marriage/relationship.

Sorry, you got involved with a disingenuous man - the worst class of small-minded people any person, especially an undiscerning person, can get involved with is anyone who's disingenuous. Unfortunately, disingenuousness doesn't know gender. Are you sure he didn't just give you a dose of your own medicine?

Dust down yourself and embrace the future. Your major concern now should be how to avoid getting involved with his kind again - I'd like to believe that you aren't his kind. Take to discernment and always make sure you come into equity with clean hands, and abhor and discard nonsense with alacrity whenever you perceive it.

Material gift, or non-fancy of it, is the least representation of selflessness, which is a true sign of one's genuine intention towards another. Unfortunately, an average Nigerian isn't just undiscerning, but also either materialistic or parasitic or both.

He either has poor understanding of what selflessness means thus the reason he was almost used by the lady, or he's penchant for opportunism (materialism and parasitism).

More so, he failed to understand that manner isn't automatically a true proof of character - the former can be faked while the latter can't be faked. It's character that defines a person, and you can always know a person's character through their ethical leanings.

In summary, the only practicable way to avoid falling victim to others manipulation is by being discerning, altruistic and self-effacing.

Plead:
LordKO thinks otherwise...

Some topics entail contributors to wear extrapolation cap - this topic in particular is one of such. Life as a representation of nature and its products is natural.

However, something can only justifiably wear the natural tag if it's uncontrollable - death is a perfect example of a natural thing.

Anything that's controllable automatically loses its natural tag in this context. So, monogamy, polygamy, hypergamy, etc, automatically lose their natural tag because they're controllable. They can either be just or unjust - just or unjust doesn't mean natural.