₦airaland Forum

@OP

You - not your girlfriend - need a profound mental change. You're a typical example of a small-minded person. Aside parochialism in particular and pride and conceit in general, I wonder what else would warrant someone to make it mandatory for his wife (another person irrespective of age, social class or gender) to always be the one to first greet him in the morning or initiate caring communications at all times. And to add salt to injury you expect her to be addressing you as sir - not out of her volition and for humour sake. SMH.

Obviously, what you and your family need are female slaves not wives. Apart from your girlfriend's abbreviation of her greeting words, which is bad since you personally don't fancy such and had told her about it, I see no other negative attitude she meted out against you.

Respect is reciprocal, and submissiveness shouldn't be mistaken for servility.

I didn't bother to read your chat with her. Once more, embrace a profound mental change not just a superficial face-lift.

A typical mentally slow and weakling postulation.

Zoning is illogical, unconstitutional, unprogressive and parochial. I don't support it. Although, I understand the viewpoint of my compatriots - the majority - that clamour for it, which is because they're sentimental, tribalistic, unconscientious, fanatically religious and outright small-minded.

Politics on principle and conviction are all we need to advance democratically, also its the key to our entrance into the eldorado of a country we all long for.

All these mentally low bloggers. SMH. This is a 2015 news.

victorazyvictor:
Assistant referee not Lines man. be a century guy.

When did the word linesman become archaic?

holuwapopsh:
Juju , jazz and black magic at its Peak

Believe you me, there's nothing jazz or juju about his acts. I had a kinsman that used to perform these same acts way far back - the man was a professional superman but he's dead now.

@OP

Believe you me, you've failed to tell yourself truth all this while. Actually, among the many ethically bad women (people in general by extension) there are still some good ones. So, you first have to purge yourself of parochialism.

After you have done the above, take out time to lead yourself to insightfulness - insight is a sign of self-realization. Now, at this point of self-realization it wouldn't take you more than two-time meeting with any lady to dissect her true attributes - present and future character.

Also, with self-realization you will master the acts of connotation and decoding of words and extrapolating of actions which will enable you to always be ahead of evil personifies and their machinations. Hey! But don't forget that he who comes into equity must come with a clean hands. . . Since you're longing for a virtuous woman make sure you're a noble man.

Once more, I say there are still virtuous women everywhere and some of them are even on this forum.

The Emmy of a guy is an idiot. Greedy fool. As far as I'm concerned, culture is how the living (individually or collectively) at any point in time chooses to live their life with utmost regard to fairness for all. . . It must always align to time in present.

The immediate dead man's wish should be respected, instead of him trying to respect the wish of those that died many generations ago. No gender is superior to another - at best there's primus inter pares since someone must always man a ship.

pocohantas:
She can't fool me. She was investing in him.
She thought he is rich and it'll pay off someday...

If the guy was broke, like broke...money for banana he won't see. Now she is crying.

Miladi making sense timelessly. Kudos.

Sebastine1606:
You have made real facts my brother, bitter truth, the guy has done his best

Bro me you've understanding. Honestly, many people are so thoughtless. Small-minded people to be precise do find it easy to chastise others who're better than them in all forms - to this class of people one's goodness towards them can never be enough, instead one must be constantly servile to them in particular and with endless financial resources in general in order to be/remain in their good book.

The axiom that says whatever one gives attention he gives power is true. OP should reduce his attention to them but without alienating them from his life. Diplomacy does it all.

Small-minded people are fond of throwing around words they hear, know but don't understand. This "teach one or two of your brothers how to fish by either taking them abroad or establishing them financially back home" crew failed to understand that he possibly doesn't have what it may necessarily take to get someone to a reasonable abroad legally. Or maybe that he gave some of them money to establish themselves back home but they failed in their pursuits - in some cases some of them may have decided to be leech-like and predaceous even when they are literally doing better than him. According to the guy, he has given them the best of him in the last 10 years.

If you send someone to school up to higher education level literally you've taught such a person how to fish. Also when you extend a financial support to someone to support her business or started a new one for her you've literally taught the person how to fish. But small-minded people never understand all these. To them one must carry them like handbags - even in their conceited and disingenuous attitudes - before they will understand that you've taught them how to fish. In their conceitedness they forgot that you obviously didn't just wake up one day and know all you have known or attain your height, thus, ought to create their own life paths and encrypt them. Envious people everywhere.

A conceited person never makes a good follower because to him he knows everything, so once you have one around you, even as a boss, you can never command his genuine loyalty unless you're ready to allow him to lead you to doom in his ignorant state - they know everything but understand nothing. As for a disingenuous person, you already have an outright frienemy who's ready to betray you at will and still expects you to keep him around and trust him.

@OP, all you need to do henceforth should be to adopt a principle of conscientiousness. Avoid using servility in sustaining your relationship with them. Just be of goodness to them. You've a family of small-minded people. They're always opportunistic, insatiable, ungrateful, narcissistic, selfish, self-centered, greedy and covetous. Yet they're quick to play victim.

@OP, you and those in support of your opinion failed to understand that the words "trust and partner" (just like a finished product) are ends to certain processes but they aren't processes themselves. Something normally begets them. I maintain my previous stance that partners deserves each others trust - a trust must have been before you can term someone your partner/friend. So, the heading of your post isn't correct but you got some points right in your message body.

Personally, before I termed someone a friend/partner s/he must have firstly passed a pally stage before becoming one. For me a friend will automatically qualify as a partner once there's a presence of romantic fancy.

The pally stage is always the defining moment of my relationship/association with anyone I have wish to consider for either a friend or romantic/business partner. At this testing stage what the person would enjoy from me is an unmerited confidence, and if the person is lucky to pass my test s/he will automatically be deserving of my trust. Now It'll of course behoove on such person to remain in goodness so as to retain my trust, while I on the other hand always make sure that I don't give reasons to question my loyalty too. . . I'm a strong proponent of reciprocity.

Friendliness is different from friendship. You fall within the category of people that do equate everyone that are friendly to you or vice versa as a friend.

Friendship isn't a lesser form of love (mother love or romantic love), it's only different because it has no observable biological necessities.

I hold anyone I termed as a friend/partner dear and in highest esteem because it only takes someone that shares my belief systems and lifestyle to be my friend. On principle I'd rather betray myself than to betray a partner/friend.

I don't see friendship/partnership/love where there's a distrust and/or suspicion - People living as frenemies in the guise of friends since time immemorial. Hypocrisy is evil.

Alero3Arubi:
You are smart.
And I am impressed.
I hope you find someone for you.

Thank you, I appreciate the compliment.

Corruption the major bane of our retrogression as a country. Well, it's impossible to eradicate corruption in any country of the world, it can only be reduced.

Corruption remains worse than stealing.

@OP

Foremost, have it in mind that there's no absoluteness aside the creator of the world. Therefore, dreams as important and intrinsic as they could be, for a spiritually awake person, aren't always deducible to walking life experiences. It takes more than being religiously inclined to interpret dreams. What I'm saying in essence is that you shouldn't demonize your wife, at least not now, just because of your dreams. What you had could as well be mere nightmares. So far you don't have any fact against her, and even if you do, it still behove on you as her husband to help her politely to find solution to her need.

Believe you me, the most important thing you should do now is to restrategise and repackage your lifestlye. . . This is time for you to embrace realism even if it's temporary until after you get off from your personal recession then you can revert to idealism. Make your wife to see reason with you on while she has to go put up with her mother at the time being, while you relocate to a less expensive environment. So, you need to sell off your small car and use small portion of its proceed to fund your relocation while the other part of the proceed serve as your seed capital for business (venture into any low volume but high margin business - you don't need to have a million naira to start a multi million naira business) or to hunt for a relatively good job - use what you have to gain what you need on principle. An amicable temporary separation from your wife will resolve about 75% of your current problem, this is not really because she's the source and cause of your problems, no, but because of the presence of ethical philosophical disparities that currently exist between the two of you.

With regards to your collapsed business and hitch on your travel venture, you need to tell yourself truth, all you experienced aren't new in the haulage business in particular and other life ventures in general. Look inward and you will see the reason why those unfortunate incidences happened - good attitudes remain major party to lasting success. Failure of a sane, sound and principled person isn't a sign of ignorance rather it's always an act that leads to perfection. Kindly begin to accept responsibility of your actions and inaction because that is the first hallmark of maturity and responsibleness.

Last but not the least, since obviously you're of the idealistic worldview, seek for spiritual help most importantly within yourself and by yourself. You can exorcise yourself without the need to intentionally or unintentionally handing over your dominion to another mortal out there, unless if you already know a tested and trusted one. The solution to your temporary problem lies within your own hands.

@OP

You settle to marry you don't marry to settle. Kindly create your life path and encrypt it. Actually, you may not be proud but you're sure suffering from inferiority complex. And always remember that one who lives on other people's opinions is as good as dead.

Have you heard of the words "divestment and diversification" before? Well, all you need do at this juncture is to focus on your keke work, set your target - don't set your target on time but on goal, this is for you to avoid taking to expediency instead of principle to accomplish your wishes - and begin to save from your work. Once you have enough savings then, divest and diversify.

Truth is that it's hard to ascend the success ladder but it's even harder to remain successful. So, redefine your ethical philosophy before embarking on your future endeavors.

The post is in order. However, it's not everyone that hold such parochial opinion - only small-minded people, not just Africans - because it knows no race or boundary. This kind of opinion is akin to that of those who believe that wretchedness automatically equates to holiness while riches equates to evil. Most people do fail to differentiate poverty-enabled humbleness from real humbleness.

Suffering and smiling, Persona over attribute, superficiality over realness are the major hallmarks of the action/opinion of a small-minded person.

thesuave10:
Read her post again. He replied to her text and said he'll pay her back via text but without a specific date. So not picking calls is logically and equally related to the fact that he can't be trusted? again I ask, is this the right decision given the Available evidence at the moment. Answer the question like a woman

Citing this flawed logic of yours "He replied to her text and said he'll pay her back via text but without a specific date," in your mental slowness you didn't realize that since he didn't give her a specific date, that makes his promise infinite and by extension means that she may wait till eternity before knowing when to recoup her investment - her hard earned money. And to add salt to injury, he's equally avoiding both effective communications with her or meeting up with her physically (even when they're in a romantic relationship) like they used to do prior to this happenstance. Now, I wonder, why then do a dimwit like you and your ilks still criticizes the leaders of this country since they have always promised the citizenry that they will make the country great starting from 1960 to date, but without meaningful things in place to justify the previous pronouncements in same regard, even though they're always carrying out day-to-day governance. . . Everyone ought to keep calm and be worshiping them based on their promises. Boy, there's a difference between fiction and fact.

Meanwhile, I also wonder what you gain from badgering and misquoting people in particular and trying so hard to arrogate monopoly of wisdom to yourself in general. For your information, it's only an insane person that will choose to remain in any form of relationship with a disingenuous, conceited and self-centered party.

Truly, shame doesn't catch a mad person rather his relations - you've validated this axiom through your actions and inaction on this thread.

Personally, I have given you enough undeserving attention - Goodness doesn't cost money, try to acquire it. This is my final bye to you.

thesuave10:
You are clearly daft beyond doubt. I don't care about his pride and self esteem. The dude clearly made a bad choice. But for you to open your stupid mouth to say that there lady has the right to do WHATEVER she wants makes you an ídiot. Did you think you're being objective? A bad action doesn't warrant another bad action. The lady is picking the wrong action. That is the point everybody is making.

Now let me educate your stupid mind. Gratefulness loyalty etc is not proven completely without the knowledge of INTENT this is psychology law and philosophy 101 . And you Mr Man cannot prove intent with the given evidence. So not picking calls us enough to say that he is DISLOYAL. You must be an ÎDIOT. I hope she gets professional advice from people like me in the real world and not shîtbags who know nothing about BEHAVIOURAL PSYCHOLOGY

LOL. An inarticulate incompetent (worse form of conceitedness) - always hear but neither know nor understand nothing. Dimwit.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ImaIma1:
I like your objectivity...not necessarily taking sides but dissecting the issue with the information available.

If the guy had put her mind at rest and asked for more time for one reason or the other, it would have been better. But he isn't even picking her calls and guys here are still blaming her. It beats me!!! For them to even say she only gave half of what he ask already spills greed and being ungrateful. They talk like the money is his birthright.

It is her money to give or not to give and he is NOT her husband. Engagements/relationships get broken everytime.

Women are always victimized here a lot and it is getting too much. The younger guys are taking cue because the older ones that are meant to be sensible are belittling women and always using fowl words to address them.

You got my points well. Most people are in the habit of allowing their emotions to becloud their sense of reasoning; they always negate facts available and dwell on self-aggrandizement.

thesuave10:
Believe it or not you're of foolish specie and you lack the ability to reason. A big mind without sense and reason is useless in every situation. Ponder on what I wrote there's enough juice there to fuel your archaic brain

Like I said above, I don't normally join issue with parochial and foolish people like you. For example, any sane person in your stead would understand that in that paragraph where I discussed about loyalty, I was referring to the commenters above on this thread who made pronouncements like "the sharp guy has outsmarted you" or "I can't allow my husband/wife to know about my financial worth" or "I can't give loan to anyone close to me" ect.

About ego, your mental slowness made it difficult for you to understand that neither pride nor conceit is a good attribute. I don't see a sane person that will choose pride over self-esteem. Being self-effacing and humble doesn't deprive a sane person his esteem. You're mentally slow I say.

The last but sure not the least, I maintain my stance that a debtor remains a slave to his creditor until he redeems his pledge, especially, when an agreed time frame for repayment has elapsed. His action as presented by the OP amount to disingenuousness not cleverness. Understanding can only take place where mutual loyalty exist. A healthy relationship of any kind is sustained with goodness not neither servility nor evil.

Once more, kindly vamoose from my mentions and look for your small-minded mates elsewhere. I know your type, it only take servility to sustain a relationship with you. . . Always crying victim.

thesuave10:
Well the only reason I will call this post an utter waste of data is because you made just Lil sense which is irrelevant to the issue. I want to enlighten you and others but I must commend you for trying to think deeply even though you stopped as soon as you started.

Now, from the beginning of your post to end I can smell bias written all over it. I can also see you have failed to understand the comments on the other side of the argument. Let me make things clearer for you. A debtor remains a slave to a creditor that is true. now you have successfully used horrendous statement to justify your point. The reason why slave comes up is because most the creditor makes it seem that way. The creditor carries 95% of the blame for that tag slavery and we all know that slavery is never a good thing. The way a creditor and a debtor handles issues is important. People fail to realize this, some how people always say after all I borrowed him the money, he should get all the blame. . now I don't want to believe you have an issue understanding a situation. Refusing to pick her calls but replying her texts is not a sign of ungratefulness. From your statement about frenemies it shows that you are still caged by stereotype. The young man's action is understandable, the lady's feeling is also understandable. You have every right to feel sad and disappointed BUT THE PROBLEM IS MAKING RASH ACTIONS FROM THESE FEELINGS. Oj Simpson went to jail for 9 yrs because a friend of his took his property and he went with some guys with guns to collect it back. I don't give a rat's ass about this. She is feeling bad that's OK but don't make a rash action and tell me your justified. There's a difference between feelings and actions. She feels bead and that's understandable but everyone on this side of the argument is simply saying that her actions to end the relationship for the sole reason if phone calls us absurd


Now about the male ego, I agree with you that the male ego is a huge problem infact there's a thin line between pride and insecurity. But my man you're making fallacies. Borrowing money might not be much to him but now listen carefully THE FACT THAT HE HAS REALISED IT MIGHT TAKE HIM TIME TO PAY IS THE REASON FOR THIS ACTION. HE FEELS SAD AND DEPRESSED. hearing his woman complain or shout might make him feel worse. When you see a problem ask why? Humility and compassion are clearly important. Take note again nobody is saying the man is right. Your just being biased and your brain has tricked into seeing what you want to see. The man is wrong BECAUSE A REAL MAN FACES HIS PROBLEMS but the lady is also wrong BECAUSE THIS IS NOT HOW TO HANDLE SUCH CRISES.

this third part is the most foolish part of your post. Loyalty? Are you kidding me? How the fûck does this mean his disloyal. Something went wrong and I'm texting you to tell you I'll pay you back but without a given date is disloyal? buy a dictionary bros Oxford preferably

Your last paragraph is supported

You're about the most foolish person I've ever come across on this forum. Kindly vamoose and look for your small-minded mates elsewhere because I don't normally join issue with people least of all a mentally slow person like you.

I don't need your validation to substantiate my pronouncement.

@OP

Don't allow anyone to guilt trip you into believing that you're wrong with your actions. For one, a debtor remains a slave to his creditor until he redeems his pledge, therefore, it behove on him to pacify you, either by reimbursing you within the agreed time frame or give you cogent reason why you should grant him more grace of time to enable him reimburse you (in case if he's not in good financial stead yet). What you owe him (if he comes out clean) at this point in time is understanding since both of you had a romantic relationship. His said acts of avoiding effective communications with you in particular and keeping you in suspense in general smack of ungratefulness and conceit on his part - whether he has genuine intentions or not is irrelevant.

As for those talking about "men ego" as they reason for his irritating attitude, didn't he realize that he has ego problem before he solicited for the financial assistance/partnership from her? I mean, only small-minded people exhibits ego - effacement and humbleness remains the best recipe for any sane person (business person or not) that wishes to attain a greater height in the business world in particular and life in general. It's unfortunate that small-minded people do mistake virtues like self-effacing, humbleness, sincerity and compassion as signs of weakness on the side of one that possesses them. In fact, the worst mistake someone of the noble leanings can ever make is having someone of the small-minded leanings as a partner/friend.

Loyalty is like a two-way traffic light, its reciprocal. People should stop mixing up disingenuousness for cleverness. Someone that ethically doesn't merit a loan from another isn't worth keeping closely - I dislike small-minded people. So also as one who can't extend a loan to his prudential partner/friend isn't worth keeping closely too - self-centered and selfish people irritates me. Whenever I look around what I normally see are frenemies that disguises themselves as partners/friends; Pretense, disingenuousness, feeble-mindedness and hypocrisy are the order of the day.

On the flip side, it's irritatingly appalling that many (both sexes) has turned this forum to their aggression visit ground. If someone somewhere betrayed/dumped you - with or without your making - that shouldn't be reason enough to develop needless hatred for the opposite sex or being biased when an issue relating to an opposite sex is being discussed. A thread like this shouldn't be a battle ground for people with bitter life experience or misandrists or misogynists or chauvinists.

@OP

Believe you me, you failed to ask the right question (inquiry), just like an average Nigerian who would rather ask "where will the leader come from?" instead of the cogent question "who will lead better?"

In your case, the appropriate question should be "who do I need as a lover?" And my answer to this question when you asked it by yourself would be, kindly redefine what constitute true love - real love - for you (fancy - superficial love - is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship). Quite obvious you fancy your guy, however, he doesn't posses the unpronounced values that constitute a romantic love for you; his narcissistic attitude as a case study.

One thing with narcissists is that aside the fact that they are always domineering, they are also self-centered, hypocritical, insatiable, ungrateful and full of impunity. Normally, it takes goodness to sustain a healthy relationship with a good person, but that's not possible when dealing with a narcissist (they are not evil per se, but they can be unintentionally wicked through their small-minded person's actions and inaction). . . It only takes servility to sustain relationship with them - this means inner peace and happiness will elude you so long as you remain with such a person.

There's something called free will, which is the greatest gift nature gave to mankind - one who denied another free will denied her happiness in particular and life in general.

Tell the guy to respect her wish, while at the same time advise the girl to live life conscientiously. If the girl understand the importance of living a conscientious life she may decide to stay put with the guy or go on with her alternative choice subject to her final resolution after carefully introspecting her present and future, and retrospection.

@OP

Come on! There's something called diplomacy, adopt it and you will see yourself having your way around your father - without being insincere and rude to him - while at the same time being a favorite son before him. So far, you have knowledge but lack understanding. . . there can never be understanding without diplomacy. And knowledge without understanding = conceit (articulate incompetent).

What happened between you and your father was a case of a domineering father vs a conceited son. Diplomacy is the solution.

@OP

The shame isn't on you but unto those - your parents inclusive - who failed to understand that while some people are anuptaphobia some others are gamophobia (you as an example). You have nothing to prove to anyone, the most important thing is that within you you know that you lives a conscientious life and a non gay. Don't allow anyone, no matter how highly placed, to conscript you into an act you aren't ready for.

@OP

The connotations of your message shows that your actions and inaction wasn't spontaneous but premeditated. That being said, that lady was hypocritical disingenuous towards you prior to the occurrence - she wasn't a virgin.

My final verdict: Despite her disingenuousness, you're at fault. You owe her an unreserved apology or 10 years imprisonment.

Prec1ous:
Now I get your picture.

If you read the article more patiently, you will realize that I was not referring to the trust you share with someone before they come into your life.

Yes, you have to trust someone to begin something, you cannot lay claim to it when your actions says otherwise.

This is my context...

I am talking of a relationship that is ongoing and the need to maintain the trust and not feeling or assuming that the initial trust propagated at the first meeting is enough to sustain the relationship.

Yes, your friend can mistrust you when you start to prove untrustworthy, you cannot sit on the divide.

Except for the paranoid, people can doubt your trust and loyalty, it is left to you to prove them wrong or bounce, depending on how much the relationship means to you.

Anyways, I also learnt something from you.

Confidence vs trust. You don't give people trust to begin something with them but you only place confidence on them. An objection to this postulation will nullify your previously held belief (which I shared with you) that trust is earned not given. Trust is superior to confidence.

Don't take my opposition to heart. LOL.

Prec1ous:
We are towing the Same line.

Off course, they ought to merit each other and like you stated, trust has to be maintained. It is not just a one time package.

Trusting someone blindly, can be likened to vouching for someone entirely when you really don't know them and cannot even attest to their character and capabilities.

No, we aren't towing the same line. LOL.

My position is that whosoever one termed as friend or partner automatically deserves one's trust. Because such trust must have been earned before the two parties ascribed either of the revered words to each other. And I posit that the trust must be constantly maintained and sustained in order to retain it.

Prejudice and mistrust are acts of insult. Personally, anyone I take as a friend or partner automatically lose my friendship and whatever bond that hold us together the very moment s/he mistrust me when I've not given reason to mete out such insult towards me vice versa.

A partner or friend that betrays me the shame is on him or her but if s/he outsmart me the shame is on me. I'm never afraid of losing so long as I lose honorably, so I see no reason why someone I termed a friend or partner shouldn't deserve my trust.

I don't subscribe to the popular norm of trust no one.

@OP

Citing the caption of your thread heading, I wonder when your small-minded husband in particular and father and brother(s) in general become a standard for all men. Come on, not all men are irresponsible like those in your life.

#Notallmenarehypocrite