Oluwa4sure: Guy, like seriously you don't need this. Age has got absolutely nothing to do with a man's ambition or whatever!!!
Please just let it go! I see no reason why you should be throwing insults @ this guy for chryst sake!!!

I agree with some of your points though, after your first message, I didn't bother reading the other.
Again, it is not a must that you must be a BSC holder to achieve what you want in this life.
Once you can read, write and speak good English, you are half way already!!!! Take it easy man, and let the guy be.

Having a BSC is okay and very good. But does not guarantee you anything. It only increase your chances of becoming successful.
And we humans are not and will never be equal. Like my homeboy will say: " NOT TO HIM THAT LABOUR, BUT TO HIM THAT THE GOOD LORD SHOWETH MERCY!!!!"


going to the university to earn urself a BSC is a necessity, but don't tell me it is the only way up! Some end up studing one or two trade(s) after
their SS3. Others don't even finish primary school. Talk of some of our Igbo brothers that are into buying and selling. Some are can't even spell their
names. Yet, they are making million daily!!!

How can you critique an argument that you didn't bother to read? What does this say about you? The crux of my issue with this guy is not really the fact that he isn't a university graduate (and has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with his age). Not everybody gets the privilege of a university education and there are very many successful people out there with little formal education. I think you may be mistaking my responses to some other posters with my responses to the OP. You would know this if you had actually READ the thread before commenting.

My biggest issue with him is that he has spent 4yrs since graduating secondary school at home, eating his father's food and living rent free; and then comes here in anger when his father finally draws the line by threatening to kick him out. He not only comes here to complain, he implicitly accuses his father of being against his "success", an accusation that is not only grave but also very daft. It doesn't help his case that his alternative to going to school is a relatively poor one; he isn't trying to learn a trade or make a honest living. Instead, he is infatuated with a "media career" that is little more than a scam and then has the audacity to peddle a "website" on here that's only a collection of incoherent, semi-deranged declarations that have zero basis in reality. I just lost my temper with his foolishness; that man needed a good doze of undiluted truth. I am not afraid to hurt his tender feelings and I hope he is a stronger and better man for it.

These threads about money are getting really tired!

Blah, blah, blah... Fatherhood nko?! The cabal don start with PR campaign!

This is why Aboki's shouldn't be allowed internet access. Dumbest post ever!

Thanks for reviving this old thread! I read some things on here that made me really question the wisdom of women. Tell the wife he finds another woman sexy? For what? Hhahahaha... dumbest advice i ever heard.

I knew even before I opened the thread that it was going to be a broke Igbo man looking for awoof bride! So predictable! No money for bride price! So sad! See what a backward practice is forcing single men to do? Hunting for Lagos wives on the internet is a sure sign of desperation.

PS - Mr. Ucheeeee, if the upper-end of your age requirement is 34, then you must be at least 40. Pray tell, how old are you since you fail to mention it in your post? Inquiring minds want to know.

Wow! This thread has really opened my eyes into how Nigerian women think. No wonder we keep hearing these horrible stories about domestic violence and spousal abuse. Why won't the man treat you like a pet dog when you've completely resigned yourself to being a financial leech? Why won't he want to marry another woman after he becomes rich, after all, he bought you and he should be free to buy another one?

Nigerian women need to think carefully about their marital expectations. You can't eat your cake and have it too. You can't demand to be treated as a partner but refuse to act like a true partner when the chips are down. Life just doesn't work that way. You can't expect your husband to pay an exorbitant bride price, pay for a lavish wedding and then pay for housing, rent, food, clothing, and school fees at AIS and when he starts resenting you, you start crying foul and acting up!!!

OMG! There are way too many crazies in this thread. Some of the things I have read are just gross!

andromida: I dont know any woman that will be happy that she paid for her own wedding, however you are very aware of your husband's situation so you should support each other. I also wont be suprised if most of the frivolities come from your end as most of us carry that mentality its my day, so simply cut it down. I can never understand why a wedding should cost so much when people have so little and are just starting out their lives it simply does not make any sense. Now if you have enough to throw around by all means have a big party but if you have little why waste it on guests who wont be around when you and hubby start fighting over money.

The problem with paying 80% for your wedding is you may keep rubbing it in your hubby's face. Please if you know you are this kind of person don't do it otherwise you may resent your hubby for a long while. Since money is the issue cut down all expense and encourage hubby to come up with some money too.

I quoting this as another example of why Nigerian women get beat-up on the regular. You don't know any woman that will be happy that she paid for her own wedding? In what fcking world do you live in? My buddy got married in Florida last week and he and his wife split the costs 50-50. His wife was plenty happy and glowing at dinner last night. Please get out of here with this nonsense!

Basic: [quote author=blacklion]

Speak for your culture. In my culture, 35 years is just about time to start thinking about marriage.

Are you Igbo? I have heard that Igbo men only start considering marriage after becoming rich. I don't know how true that is though.

Aren't you both going to live in the house he rented? Aren't you both planning to build your lives together? So you want to hold-on to your own money but want your husband to go borrow money for your wedding? You're coming across as a selfish and wicked woman; I feel sorry for your husband-to-be. This same woman will run-up here crying if the husband starts to treat her anyhow once he starts making the big bucks! Why won't he? You weren't willing to share the burden when things were down and now that things are up you want to come and feast on honey?! Some women are just tiresome beasts.

PS - I have never heard this claim that the man pays for all of the wedding (except the wife has absolutely no money of her own). In the US, the bride and the groom both contribute in proportion to their incomes. Or is this "man pays for everything" an Igbo thing?

I think it's somebody from the politics or romance section.

OAM4J:

This your experience sounds like an insider experience.


Anyways am glad the thread is back, maybe the OP will be back. Was kinda disappointed we didn't get to the point of naming the nairalander that contributed to the break-up.

Well the OP said he is a well known Nairalander based in UK. Thank God I don't live in UK again . Let us guess, here are some of the big boys from UK:

1. Sagamite
2. Jay bee
3. r231
4. Justwise
5. Coogar
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Somebody should help me fill the remaining blanks and let get to the root of this matter

These are your version of "big boys"? Chai! See low standards. I think you're mistaking active members with "big boys".

Ohhh, you're barking up the wrong tree my sister. I am no cabal-hunter. In fact, I am pro-cabal! Market women have stuck together for all eternity! Why stop now? Why should Nairaland be an exception? Please keep "cabaling"! More power to your elbows!

c.fours:
moremi2008 sounds like a tool. Just because your life and career isn't satisfactory doesn't mean you have a pass to carry out your frustration on others.

@OP, it's your life. while I will not suggest that you quit school, study something that you are relatively passionate about or that you are skilled at so that you will have some free time to pursue your passions. school then will be your back-up. It is always good to have a back-up plan if your main plan doesn't work or takes too long to work out.
and when I said you should try part time employment if your parents kick you out, i'm also including self-employment as a category of employment. If you want to be successful without conforming to societal pressure, then i'm sure you must have the resourcefulness or entrepreneurial skills to sustain yourself.

Bloody dullard! Aren't you the same person that recommended he lie to his parents that he is studying medicine? And that he should move out of his father's house and support himself with part-time work? Oh, so now you've changed your mind and are suggesting he go to school this time? Hahaha! Dodosh!

How can he quit school when he has been trying to pass JAMB for the past 4yrs without success? What school is there to quit? Assuming that he can get into a university, you're also suggesting he simultaneously pursue his "passions" part-time in addition to part-time employment?! You have clearly not thought through your recommendations (and I seriously doubt that you have done much thinking your entire life). Stop trying to give advice when YOU yourself need counselling.

PS - Yes, I am a tool: the sharpest tool you'll ever meet. Come back to me when your brain breaks down again and needs fixing. Ode!

The "Cabal" is slowly hijacking this thread with errant nonsense.

Busy_body:
Apparently, the quality of men's sperm, its motility, etcetera declines the older they get, so good for them too

Women have been drawing the shorter straw for yonks so its time things turned on its head. We need a revolution

Revolution in what? Biology? Cultural attitudes towards the biological clock? You're going to have to get more specific because the male and female biological clocks are so fundamentally different, they aren't even remotely comparable. Men can have healthy kids into their nineties!!!

A man should marry when he is ready and able. That said, he doesn't want to have small children at the age of 60 when he might too old to provide for them. The absolute upper limit (i.e. the worst case scenario) is 40. By the age of 40, you should have a solid career/business and should be able to support a family. At 40, there are no more excuses except impotence or homosexuality.

The ideal target for a highly educated man is between 27 and 33 yrs. By 33, the man should be done with graduate school and should be established in a decent career. I have some friends that married earlier than 27 but almost all of them had to spend some time away from their families to get graduate degrees abroad. I honestly don't see any reason why a man should wait beyond 33 except for financial issues (or in some rare cases, an ill-timed emigration to another country). In that case, then he has until at the VERY LATEST 40yrs to get his finances/papers in order and start a family.

OP has clearly never chopped a Calabar babe! If not for prayers, I was almost converted! God has blessed them with obanje pussycats! I don't blame their men for sticking with them; why go shopping for a new flower when the ones in your backyard are the best ones in town?

Thanks for getting back to the boards. My instincts about the child were right. She is a special needs case and she isn't "abandoned." There are two approaches to helping the girl here:

1) Provide some financial aid to the grandmother (this is probably the most straightforward approach but there is no guarantee that the girl's condition will change even with money)
2) Removing the child to some type of orphanage with her guardians' approval: Are there orphanages that open to taking in a child with special needs?

I prefer option 1. I don't think it's fair for a child that has family to take up a spot that would otherwise belong to a truly abandoned child. Just my opinion though. Carry on! Good job Mother Theresa!

Number #1: When you stop having s[i]e[/i]x with her; you're prolly fcking somebody else.
Number #2: When NOTHING she does can make you angry; it means you don't give a fck about her anymore
Number #3: A marriage hasn't failed until you've signed the divorce papers. There's always hope if there's still some kind of love buried under the rubble!

taryour:

moremi,am a kind of person that takes to corrections alot and i realy apreciate being corrected,but when u decide to insult is not good at all. I respect each n everyone i come across cause u never know were u can meet tomoro,life isnt predictable. I avnt insulted u so i dont want insults.

Even this your reply gan sef get comma. Somebody is insulting you and you're rolling right over to "take correction". Hahahahaha! You're such an insipid darling! There's nothing wrong with being sweet and slow. Just be careful oh. The likes of tigress Jenny will use you to make peppersoup (it's the law of the jungle).

I think it's pretty clear that this Taryour person doesn't have a single thought in her head! I noticed this ages ago but I just assumed she was somebody else's back-up screen name, set-up just to support certain types of opinions. I honestly didn't know there was a real person behind it. Hahahaha!!! The poor lady is just a follow-follow. Abeg, leave her alone jor.

LOL @ the insane girlfriend. Why doesn't she just keep him locked up in her basement so she can have him all to herself? To be fair, the guy might have given her solid reason to be this insecure. If they both like it, then who are we to comment and give advice. It's a free world jare.

Gaggi: Anyway, good advice has been given already. Tell ur SIL to go to blazes.
Not to be a tribalist or anything but is ur husband Igbo? The Igbo's have a knack for crowding their siblings even when they are married. I guess it's because they breed alot and then the parents who enjoyed the process of producing these kids cannot take care of them and hence the responsibility shifts to the older siblings.It's so annoying

You see hornet's nest hanging there, jeje, you go poke am with a stick! You like trouble!

kitty kat: Pls let's stop being hypocritical for once and be truthful. As much as I want to enjoy a MIL since I hv no mother, I wouldn't fail to agree that there are Monster Inlaws. Yes. I hv seen a MIL in front of elders tell her son that she wishes his child was aborted nd she means it till today cos she never liked d wife. In the family sec on NLD we have a recent post about a MIL who almost poisoned her son's wife.

That said POSTER, evil is not limited to MIlS, its found in DILs, SILs, FIL etc. Even ur friend can be a bad MIL cos d way she iss picking faults shows that she too can pick faults. My advise like some really honest and understanding posters have said is to be nice. In my place u never talk back at ur in-laws. When they come u put up ur best behaviour even if u don't want to. Remember that this is Africa and they have a string hold over your family. Its even worse that the hubby is an only son and thus has a specila bond with mom. This bond as a result of her husbands death with get stronger. Unfortunately whatever MIL does will be ok to son.

Poster when ur friend becomes a MIL tomorrow and starts picking faults in her DILs, I want u to refer to this thread for her. The reason I am saying this is that if all apprehensive DIL who talkd trash abt MIL were sincere then we won't hv MIL probs todays. Cos they will all become the Angel MILs they dreamed abt when they were DILs.

So let her ignore wateva Mama doe. It will help her to accept Mama as her mother and even keep her close than her bio-mom. A friend whom I called mamas boy once told me something which I wld tell u. Watch how her son treats her, I mean every single bit and then plan a strategy. Treat her 5 times better than her son. In d case of difficult MIL, it has been proven time and time again that consistent true love always breaks them. If the son buys her gifts buy more and let the son be the one to present it most times. Thereby scoring points with son and mom simulteanously. If the son they wash her clothes when he wss younger, don't even wait for her to remove it, tell her mama pls I am waiting for u to remove ur clothes make I wash am. Wash it, iron and keep for her. Let her room always be clean.

Compliment her all the time, whether its real or not so real, your mouth no go break. Once she complain, apologize profusely. A yoruba sis inlaw I had wasn't accepted by the fmily previously one of her tricks wey she tk win na to kneel down when greeting and apologizing. Let it come from ur friends heart. Even if mamashout from today till tomoro let ur friend not utter a word, sulk or frown. Instead let her always say Mama I am sorry, I have learnt, pls tell me what to do to make u happy. It looks stupid but this is the smartest way to fight for her home.

The fear of MIL is d beginning of wisdom. Na dem get the key, pls give them max respect and love with time you see them over shower u with love after all na pesin them be. If u r religious pls be very prayerful.

LOL! I love you already!