₦airaland Forum

Fhemmmy: So why not prevent the pregnancy instead of terminating it . . .

Well, mistakes happen. Condoms break. A baby shouldn't be brought into the world because your condom broke!

I have an ex that was a master at doing this. She would create fake facebook profiles of girls and try to hit on me to see if I would cheat. Just a recipe for disaster because even if your partner passes the "test", he/she would be VERY angry at the deception. It irrevocably breaks trust.

With regards to this ho-wife, her own don finish be dat! If this is true, then shame on her for sending pictures of her privates to a strange man! She's getting exactly what she deserves!

The things I read and hear on Nairaland!!! Na real wah! The poor woman!!!! I can't imagine what's going through her mind. She had better write-off that husband; he has effectively dumped her and started a new family in Naija.

Toke the pros.titute! Why do ladies with the most skeletons in their closet like to pick fight the most? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the most nonsensical article I have ever read! Just a bunch of made-up facts and unfounded theories. lol

steph7: This is an old topic, but I have moved on from him. This was just one of the issues I had, I already wanted to break up with him before coming to nairaland.
Isn't it better to be single and happy than to be married and sad. Which trust me I would have been. We weren't compatible!

I still can't believe he accused you of sleeping with a man to get your job!!!! Some Naija men are just insane.

Thank God you escaped that one.

Busy_body: Ha, I see you've forgotten that every family has a black sheep. . . The rest of the family would even thank me for my foresight and ingenuity. Good riddance to bad rubbish as oyinbo talk am

LOL! They'll thank you until he beats up the girl in drunken rage and they ask you all to come contribute to hospital bills. There are easier ways to deal with a family black sheep; just send her abroad where she can do her thing without disgracing the family or find her a soldier husband.

TV01: Hmmmm. It had to happen - my first shitty post on NL .

Align your dump times with your shower times. Works for me. I also go the gym a lot and love rocking their hot jet showers post working out and offloading. For some reason wifey prefers for me to do my thing there too

Scatalogically yours
TV

Are we still talking about shitting or about something entirely different? Orisirisi for this NL.

This argument is kinda tired. Nobody's mind is going to changed. I am in support of abortion. The world has enough human beings; no point bringing baby bastards into this world to come and suffer! Abortion is a very private matter between a woman, her body, her goals and her conscience.

agiboma: @ taryour & neyostica thanks very much



You got that right, hmmm I ownder does that sound like the qualities of someone with low self esteem at teh first attack they would run for cover, but im still standing. Anyways till the next time, this starts up again.

@ Ify well once you got a womanizer thread it usually ends this way since i became a regular on NL, i am sure their are many more battles to come in t he future, until these folks which some have already learnt to ignore me and let me be as i let them be also.

Would you per chance be referring to Aunty Bournvita? She who shall not be mentioned! Hahahahaha!!!! See what crazy Aunty Jenny don cause for NL! I love her crazy dramatics.

ifyalways: How did this thread suddenly shift to Agiboma and her personal life ?

Because like a she-goat that never learns, she has come into the thread offering foolish advice. That's why she's back to playing her favorite role of "long-suffering mule" in the Family section. Yet, I have to give Aunty Aigboma some credit; her skin is as tough as a punching bag's and her back is hard like concrete from all the suffering! Good for her! Whatever floats her boat jor!

coogar: moremi2008, this is a grey area - it's not written in black n white.
your oldest sister could be a professor - if she wanders into the naija terrain, men would treat her the same way.
if she decides to stay by herself with the kids, it's a social stigma.
even if she doesn't care about what the society thinks, she's human after all - loneliness, desolation, etc.
she would start picking up men in bars, pubs, etc to warm her bed - naija society abhors such.

My sister was born and raised in Nigeria and knows what it means to be married to a Naija guy. Besides, I and my mum always drum it into her head what it's like to live in a man's house. She's smart and wise enough to know what to do. But there are limits. We spent a lot of money to train and raise her properly and the very least we can expect of her future husband is to treat her with respect and dignity. Yes, no marriage is perfect and a marriage is worth fighting for but only to a limit. I would NEVER condone my sister staying married to a wayward man with no self-control, especially if that man makes no moves to change after many years. Issues like violence are simply non-negotiable. Thank God she's smart enough to know to never stay with a man that beats her. God forbid bad thing! Our daughter is not a throw-away child for a useless man to rubbish.

991: whatever happened to your mum is no good reason for you to solicit divorce in any marriage problem. your dad's habit is totally different from the OP's husband. your offensive words at me tells that the blood of your dad still runs in you.

Like I said earlier, you don't know me (and you never will) and have absolutely no clue what you're talking about. What does blood have to do with decisions and choices? Keep reading nonsense tea leaves about the blood that runs in my body; it just makes you sound like a big dunce. Ooops, did I hurt your precious feelings? Oya, sorry, pele!

agiboma: Yes oooo really my views on womanizers appearently is highly controversial on this NL. I choose to think and reason out side of the box on this one.

No, you are NOT thinking outside the box. You are just a desperate woman with little self-esteem. I am happy for you that your marriage finally worked out well (but you are only a few years into the marriage anyway and it made sense for you to stay and fight for it). It makes no sense to advice this woman that has tried her best to make it work for a decade to keep fighting.

This is why all the women in my life MUST go to school and make something of themselves. I just can't imagine my oldest sister, a U.S. doctor, being treated this way in her husband's house and she just stays there in silent desperation. It's only women with nothing to contribute to society besides a womb that hang on desperately to failed marriages. If you have something to offer the world and can stand on your own two feet, there's no reason for a man to treat you like garbage for the rest of your life. Aunty Aigboma, please take your experience as an exception to the rule; stop sentencing your fellow women to a lifetime of misery.

EmergingfromNYC: Ya thanks guys that is what I figured. What about banks in Lagos? What are the top ibanks based on prestige and exit ops? Any idea how to connect with their recruiters? The banks I looked at Diamond, First, etc. don't have great recruiting info on their websites. Whats the thought on ibanking in Joburg instead of Lagos- from a prestige/exit ops standpoint. Thanks for the insight.

Have you tried breaking into the London offices of any of these banks? The sad truth is the vast majority of high profile deals out of Africa are run out of London. You might end up being a better Africa banker sitting in London than sitting in either J'burg or Lagos. If you must move to Lagos, then your best options are the Lagos offices of international banks (e.g. Standard Chartered, RenCap, StanbicIBTC etc).

J'burg is ALWAYS a better option than Lagos; you'll have access to better quality deals and your exit ops are better because the SA economy is way more developed. Besides future employers will give your experience in J'burg a lot more credit when evaluating you. I know that US/UK employers will give little credit to any experience you get from a non-international firm in Lagos.

Above all, go to the place that's most likely to give you the best brand for your resume and expose you to the sharpest minds, the biggest deals and the highest volume of completed M&A and financing deals; that's the only way to develop your human capital.

Good luck!

I just want to remind you ladies that are encouraging women to stay with serial cheaters that the health risks are VERY, VERY real. You might decide to stay in a crumbling marriage to look good to your friends and to society or to stay because of your children. However, if you're not careful, you might catch a deadly disease and die. I know two families this happened to when I was growing up and I am sharing these stories so that you fully realize the risks your taking on by staying with a man that sleeps around:

1) I will never forget the situation of this deaconess in my family's church. Her husband's job involved a lot of travel and she was the one the kept the home front with 3 kids. Her husband slept around on his many business trips, became HIV+ and unknowingly passed it on to this woman. The real tragedy of the situation is that the man is still alive and the woman has since died. She didn't do anything wrong but her cheating husband destroyed her life.

2) This one is a big neighborhood "secret" that happened about a decade ago. The wife was living abroad, working and making money, and left her children with her husband in Nigeria. Well, the husband became a well-known big-man playboy and his jaiye-jaiye lifestyle went on for a while. I remember that we were banned from going to their house to visit their kids because there were always a scantilly clad woman roaming about the place. Anyway, the man became very sick for a almost a full year and ultimately died. His wife returned for his funeral and it was only then that she learned about his lifestyle and that he had died from AIDS. She got tested and discovered that she had been infected. She ultimately moved back abroad with her kids and but thank God for good healthcare abroad, she's still alive.

Whatever you do ladies, please protect yourselves oh. Don't allow your husband to play Russian roulette with your health. Don't die on the cross for your husband's sins! Although you might still catch something from a husband that cheats only once, the chances of catching something from a serial cheater are infinitely greater. A word is enough for the wise.

991: i've always said that few little attitude from people could tell a lot about them, i was being sceptic about you being a product of divorce the way you were posting comments in support of divorce. my dear divorce is NOT the ultimate solution to marriage-difficulties. 'when the going gets tough, the tough gets going'. don't forget you are a man, you will soon have your own family. it is better to make up than to break up, the failure is when we try to make up all by ourself. my message to you is that 'you should never be proud/boastful that your mum divorced your father(R.I.P)' it was never her wish from the wedding day, it was absolutely unfortunate, and you don't wish to experience the same in your time.

Blah, blah, blah... abeg, save the commentary for somebody that truly cares. You don't know the story; you didn't live our lives. Marriage is not a life sentence in jail; you can only fight for it for so long. Wisdom is knowing when to try harder and knowing when to walk away. My Mum walked away from the severe beatings and cheating after struggling to keep her marriage together for 9yrs; she had little regret. She remarried a richer and saner man, built a fantastic career and business and raised 4 amazing children. My Dad? He continued his lifestyle of wanton womanization, lavish spending on rubbish, heavy drinking and smoking. He died absolutely broke, having squandered his vast wealth; he was drinking while driving. It was my Mum and stepdad that paid for his funeral and none of his many girlfriends bothered to show-up.

No, I am NOT a product of divorce. I am the product of a woman's hard work, sheer determination and fervent prayers. Stop bothering me with your nonsense theories that have zero correlation with reality.

chaircover: Haaaaaa!!!Its not your fault oooooo!!!

Its the fault of the one or two women that you have met that have dared asked you to pay for their meatpies at Mr Biggs

. . . .Meanwhile, these same termites as you call them come visit you, sweep your dirty floor, pick up your smelly boxers off your smelly floor, go to market on okada in the hot blazing sun to buy foodstuffs to make you the first decent meal that you would have had that week, come back cook, do a bit of washing; scrubbing with shoe brush those dirty white collars & cuffs that have turned brown

And If they make the mistake of visiting on Environmental day, will be there in "knicker" with the other neighbours helping you to clear your dirty smelly gutter, go back in and dust on top of your TV & bookshelf that has dust 6 inches high and then at night you maul her, testing all the styles you learnt off the porrn channel . . . . should I go on . . . . chei women don suffer . . . It is well oooooooo

Thank God for my militant mother and the only place I was allowed to go was to blend pepper on the same street. Then i thought that her own was too much but now I thoroughly appreciate the "imprisonment"

And BTW who are these 2 that liked Moremi's post iru kan kan oun

Women she una don hear . . .stop asking these cheapskates for things. Earn your own money and hold your heads high

The day I find a woman like you have described above, I will marry her on the spot. Aunty CC, you never jam correct Lagos girl. You have not even hit the something more than once and she's already hinting that her Blackberry is "acting-up". The good Lord help you if you fall into the claws of a true Lagos big girl, the type that carries $2,000 handbags! Your own don finish be dat cuz she's gonna want a new handbag every month (plus matching $800 shoes), plus a couple of trips a year to come see you in America plus vacation to Dubai or Paris! Awon onigbese buruku! I used to fall for those tricks when I was younger and kitty was shacking me; but not anymore. These days, the most I'll do is pay for dinner or whatever and buy her a gift on her birthday and for Xmas (nothing too expensive). A woman that loves you will stay with you even if you're not spending big bucks on her.

However, most women are greedy gluttons; they will chop your money until their bele bursts from over-chopping. All they ever give in return is sex and occasional mediocre cooking. I have a friend here in the U.S. whose girlfriend was using his money to build a house for her parents in their hometown!!! They weren't even married or engaged yet! Chai! Thank God for the girl's friend who mistakenly jabo'ed, he would never have found out because the girl is a champion liar and extortionist.

Some posts in this thread are just jaw-dropping! LOL @ the man going through emotional abuse from shouting at his wife! Just when you think you've heard it all!!!

Count your blessings name them one by one... This is a great testimony! I don't see what the problem is! Everything na double-double.

Sisi_Kill: Timbuktu. . .Tim-Buk-Tu!

Carry on!

LOL! It's like a game of whack-a-mole on these boards. Just when you think we've reached a consensus that women are human beings, another one pops up!

ileobatojo: As someone who grew up with a similar father to the OP's hubby, watched a lot of division and strife in my parents marriage and harboured resentment for my mother for not leaving him (all my 3 other siblings felt the same way); I completely disagree that the kids will be better off no matter how bad the father is. I'm not sure why you think every kid wants a dead beat, disconnected father in their lives just because he is their biological father.

Also when you say she should focus on herself and ignore the man, you are condemning her to a life without love, intimacy, emotional connection to a partner. Not every one wants that for the rest of their lives. She should at least give herself a chance to find love abi. Also she can't have her freedom as long as she stays married even if they are each doing their own thing. She is still in the eyes of the world a married woman and will still have to adhere to those standards.

She has tried, spent a decade with him without change. She has persevered enough, her decision for them to free each other is justified.

GBAM! So many traumatized children walking around today because their mum's couldn't muster the courage to walk away from really bad marriages. I still tell everyone that cares to listen that my mum walking away from her marriage to my late Dad was the best thing that happened to her and to us, the kids! I am so grateful to her for bearing the shame and carrying her cross to spare us the pain of living with my Dad. People that mocked us then or said we would turn out badly because we had no "father-figure" are stunned at how well each one of us turned out; in fact, we turned out so much better than children with two happily-married parents, our old friends still can't believe it! But nah so life be oh! If the world gives you lemons, you cry unto God and he'll help you make fantastic lemonade out of them! Ile oba to jo, ewa lo bu si, indeed!

Shola2009: Moremi 2009 did more insulting than advising. OP, mentioned media career. and yet you started making all sorts of assumptions.. saying he wanted to be a rapper . .he not being a university grad. All sorts of unnecessary carp in my opinion. All for what?

@OP, I'm not impressed with the content in your website. but to be honest, it certainly seems like you have a plan. You just need to build on it by getting more exposure and quality guidance too.

No, he didn't come here for advice; he came to garner support for his delusions. I called him an aspiring rapper, in the absence of any provided details, to create an analogous situation. Was it facetious? Yes. But was it an effective tool to get my point across? Hell, yes!

I just have zero patience for young men like him. I have nothing against a media or music career (in fact, I have a couple of friends I respect a lot that are now well-known Nigerian rappers and they both happen to be very well educated). However, I can't stand charlatans, especially ones that can't pass basic JAMB. Did you take time to actually read that website? What has all those drawings and "inventions" got to do with a media career? Can you give me a succinct summary of the website while keeping a straight-face? That website contains the rantings of a delusional mind; I know mental instability when I see it.

You're advising him to go get "more exposure and quality guidance." Well, that's what higher education is for, even if it's only a basic OND! He's a young chap (no more than 22yrs). There's still time for him to invest in his human capital. A media career is not going to run away and his product/creations will be better for it. I can totally understand why his Dad is kicking him out of the house.

Of course, I will gladly eat my words if he comes back with professionally produced media that's backed by all the organizations he mentioned. Until then, I am calling his bluff and telling him to go to school like the rest of his mates! We aren't idiots here on Nairaland.

tanimola22: PE is really a tough one. That is the ultimate dream of many ibankers. But, are you talking about PE firms based in naija?

PE shops in Lagos differ greatly in quality. But yes, including good quality PE shops with Lagos offices; the weak economies in the US/UK have made Lagos a more attractive destination, at least temporarily. It might be easier to get a PE role in Lagos, but it won't be totally easy. You'll have to compete with a small pool of Nigerian bankers from the diaspora (at least that's my impression from casual conversations friends that are in that line of work).

And no, PE isn't the ultimate dream of investment bankers; the ultimate dream is a hedge fund gig (a couple of great years and you can retire to the Caribbean).

EmergingfromNYC: How does a CPA from a big 4 Accounting firm in the M&A due diligence group fair on banking or PE jobs in Nigeria? In Africa? Is there an easy way to connect with recruiters?

Africa is the place to be... gotta get over there.

You might be able to get a banking gig; but a PE gig might be a stretch. Even an MBA from HBS with 2+ years of IB experience at a New York/London bulge bracket does not make a candidate an automatic shoo-in for PE roles; breaking into PE is really tough even with a perfect pedigree. If you really want to break into private equity, try to get a year or two of investment banking experience abroad, apply to B-schools at Harvard, Stanford, Wharton or Chicago and then try your luck. It's not easy oh! I have a couple of friends who tried to break into Africa-focused PE with HBS degrees 1-2yrs ago without success.

Please take this advice with a grain of salt. Nothing annoys me more than receiving connection requests from random people in Nigeria! I just ignore them.

agiboma: Exactly well said so dont generalize my way of life, because my norm does not meet up to your standards whatever they may be. Unlike you i dont look towards my partner to be the source of my happiness @ lease the randy GOAT as you call him has a wife and family unlike you, single guy surfing NL. You are infact the true GOAT, jobless LOSER that needs to go get a life. FCK off you morone. I am very happy with my life and I'm not on here complaining about anything. See the problem is that people like you who have very little enlightenment cannot understand many concepts associated with marriage and children. I dont blame you, for having a lack of understanding and infact lack of intelligence. My reason's for staying you could never understand in this life unless you get an infusion of billions of brain cells. Dont worry hopefully one day some common sense will be your portion.

I think you've been beaten up enough on Nairaland. Good luck with your marriage! I hope you find true happiness in the end.