₦airaland Forum

pslm23:
If the baby is with you in Nigeria then there really isn't any reason why she should be asking for the SS#. Like someone earlier said, this is tax season and she could get a sizable amount of $ if she files as head of household and claims him as a dependent. It is fraud and she could be arrested and it will be hard to convince the authorities that you were not a party to this obvious attempt to scam the IRS.

The other scenario is to apply for a credit card and it's sad to note that most credit card companies here do not even check to match SS# with DOB before issuing a credit line worth thousands of $$. God forbid the card is defaulted on or goes into collection for lack of fee payment, then your child's credit score will be ruined for life.

My advice, don't give her that # unless you want to gamble with your son's future.

This part is patently false. First of all, a minor can't have a credit score. Second, a negative item on a credit score stays on the credit report for about 7yrs (a bit longer for a bankruptcy). I am not suggesting she give up the SSN# if she doesn't trust her sister but there is no use spreading lies to make your point.

armyofone:
now you are becoming 
DON'T give her the SS#. that's the future of your child in case you want him back to the State. DON'T gamble with it. enough said.

the few dollars she will send you after doing the business (am sure you are now interested after hearing it's for tax) is not worth what await your child in the future. she may be tempted to do other things with the number she got ''legally'' from you.
a stitch in time, saves 9 they say huh?

This is her sister for chrissakes! The same woman that hosted her while she was giving birth? You guys are talking as if the woman has nothing to lose herself. How many normal Nigerian-Americans with decent jobs and a family to care about do you see using their nephews/nieces SSN# to commit credit card or employment fraud? Why are you people talking pure nonsense and putting horrible ideas into PatKing's head. I am willing to bet that in a decade or so, this same woman will be asking her sister to "host" the child when he/she eventually decides to return to the US. This is how family relationships are destroyed.

Aunty PatKing, just ask your sister why she needs the number. If she says it's for filing taxes, respectfully express your fears and concerns about the illegality of such a move. To be honest, the only time this causes any trouble is when multiple people claim the same child as a dependent. Even if there is any trouble, your child will be fine; nobody can deny an American citizen entry into the country because a relative claimed him/her as a dependent inappropriately and in the extremely rare scenario that the IRS flags your sister's tax return for auditing, the worst that can happen is that she gets slapped with a hefty punitive fine. Even then, she probably has a legit case. The baby was born while you were under her roof and she can legally claim the child as a dependent. I don't really see what the big deal is here about a social security number.

The most likely reason is that she want's to claim the baby as her dependent for tax purposes. A lot of Nigerians do it here but I doubt it's perfectly legal. Why don't you ask your sister directly? If she hosted you while you were giving birth, why are you having problems having her claim the baby as a dependent? It's not like it's going to cost you anything and your sister is very unlikely to use a baby's SSN to apply for a job or credit card.

bunmioguns:
What if it were to be d woman dt called her husband, as in told her husband dt u wanted to force her

Pull out your phone and show him text messages (the ones that favor you, of course)!!!! Prostrate, call him "Oga", "Daddy", roll on the ground and hold on to his feet in mock sorrow and regret! At most, he will calm down and you can run away. At the very worst, he will become really confused and while he is trying to figure out who is telling the truth, pick race!!!!!!!!!! Your goal is to get him to calm down just a little bit so he doesn't cut off your dck and then to pick race as soon as you can!

A lot of the advice on here appears to be based on mere assumptions. These assumptions might be completely wrong but guess who is going to pay the price? You! So please take every bit of radical advice with a grain of salt. Better to thread cautiously towards making the right decision than to act rashly based on mere emotions and fck everything up irreversibly.

Everybody has a past (including you) and I don't think your fiancee's past should be held against her, especially since she has come clean with you. Of course, your wife will always be faced with temptations after marriage, the same way you will also be faced with temptations. To assume that she will fall for those temptations, ab initio and without any solid evidence, is unfair and foolish. Her business partner's actions are a bit irrelevant. The old man is only wishful thinking and he can keep wishing for the rest of his life. If he is that passionate about her, then let him marry her as a second wife! Abi?! Chikena! Useless old man!

The truly important question is, do you really love this woman? Does she REALLY love you? If the answer is yes and yes, then I don't know why you are freaking out. Just tell her your fears and if she loves you, she will make every attempt to draw a firm line between business and pleasure. Her behavior towards this boss/partner will become colder and strictly professional. If both of you truly love each other, the boss/partner will become the necessary evil you BOTH must face TOGETHER. She will involve you with the business and make it clear to everybody that she is now off-limits. A woman will never let anything get between her and her true love. In fact, the earlier your fiancee starts drawing this line, the better (if possible, insist on this before the marriage).

However, if after sharing your fears with her respectfully and rationally she gets angry, defensive and then reports you to this boss/partner, then you know for sure that she doesn't really love you and you're just a cover for an illicit relationship and a way to deflect suspicion. If this happens, then you need to pull-out. If you decide to pull-out of the relationship, she can react in two ways. If she says "good riddance to an insecure man", then she never loved you and her true love is her business partner. If she completely falls apart and credibly threatens to walk away from the partnership to have you back, then she loves you and you should marry her.

Good luck oh! Above all, always remember that you never have the complete picture until you talk to as many sides of the story as possible. Don't do anything rash based on incomplete information or mistaken assumptions. Talk to your fiancee, talk to this boss/partner, talk to your fiancee's parents if she's close to them. You'll get a clearer picture of the situation and only then can you make an informed decision.

I know someone who something very similar happened to. First, his father convinced him to quit his job in London to come to naija to chase contracts promised him by friends in Abuja. When that flopped, his father convinced him to run for elections (he lost). Now he is broke and completely dependent on his Dad and his fiancée broke up with him and moved back to the US. The poor dude is a complete wreck. I just feel sorry for him and his old Pa.

Beg and beg na! Tell the man that the woman told you she was single. Just fall on the floor and beg d man! It's the only way to get him to calm down enough for you to run away! Chei! God forbid bad thing oh!

Wow! Things ladies have to go through! Glad everything turned out well. Pele.

big_bumper:
Drnoel
Ask hubby when wifey's withdrawn mood started or when he noticed it.

I dey suspect you oh OP, on another thread you dey talk about parent in law and your Mum catching you and wifey in a hilarious compromisingly funny sexu.al way yet you can't share with wifey. Note - you didn't say cos wifey is shy but cos she might get angry

You must have been busy chasing boys with your big bumper when Reading Comprehension was taught in class! It's his cousin, not him!

onila:
Heidi got married with another man's baby!!!! Seal adopted that daughter.

Ungrateful !

So she used Seal as a temporary esteem-booster, popped out a few mulatto babies and now she's off to find herself a billionaire! Clever German wench! Tiger Woods is single and his career is on the rebound! They might make a perfect match!

No surprise here, divorce is almost certain for celebrity couples once the husband's fortunes/fame starts to decline or the wife's fortune/fame starts to skyrocket. Heidi's career has been miles ahead of Seal's for years now! In fact, Seal has only remained relevant because of Heidi. Now he can go back to join the rest of his type in the R&B graveyard. Heidi was the best thing to ever happen to him and the gravy train is now over!

Why would a bride choose a wedding dress that quadruples her butt and hips? I give her an A+ for creativity and boldness and a big F for practicality and taste. That dress is tacky and inappropriate.  

Dakar has a better developed tourism industry but the tourist attractions (e.g. the national parks) are scattered across Senegal so you might have to do a bit travelling. The language barrier might prove a difficulty though (except you or your wife speak French/Wolof). I'll say stick to Accra!

You are a fcking mess!!! Huge, black and broke gorilla with no brains! Why not go find asha-wos on the streets?!

debrief08:
Hahahaha, u better oh Moremi cos even ma son has learnt the trick. Recently he had a quarrel with his dad, can't even remember over what, he went downstairs to Grandma and reported his father. My Mother In Law listened and told him don't worry I will talk to ur father and d boy went back to call his dad downstairs took him to Grandmas room and told her oya talk to him

LOL! That's hysterical! Smart boy!

So happy I read this! I will make sure I sign a prenup agreement with my mum before I marry so she doesn't dump me for her DIL. Haba! Imagine all the women ganging up against me, a poor fatherless man! Women are dangerous oh! Chei!

Outstrip:
I think people are missing the point. The issue here is that the man very possibly r4ped her. He feels guilty and it is apparent from his behavior that even she believes that he r4ped her. This is my take. You cannot be confused about forcing someone to be intimate with you. Night and day. The fact that she was traumatized by it also shows that. I honestly don't know what to say. If you guys are not in Nigeria I would say put a hold on the wedding and talk to a proffessional. This is very serious

Madam Outstrip, I think you're being a little daft here. Where in the thread have you gathered evidence that the wife didn't consent to the sex? They have Were Intimate multiple times after that incidence and still live under the same roof. How would you explain that? Please stop giving feminists a bad name.

I still insist that Banana Island properties are money-miss-road investments! This is what $2 million buys you in the U.S.!!!

1) Trump International Hotel and Tower: A fantastic apartment on top of a world-class hotel and spa in the middle of downtown Chicago with sprawling views of the Chicago River and Lake Michigan.

https://img715.imageshack.us/img715/7136/trumpinternationalhotel.jpg

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

2) 75 Wall Street: an apartment in the middle of the financial capital of the universe with fantastic luxury amenities (including butler service) and a luxury hotel in the lower floors.

https://img265.imageshack.us/img265/3449/75wallstreet.jpg

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

3) A luxury pad in Beverly Hills with in the midst of Hollywood stars:
https://img576.imageshack.us/img576/3163/9465hiddenvalleyplbever.jpg

Uploaded with ImageShack.us



Do you now realize how foolish $2million investment in a Banana Island property with no electricity, decent roads, functioning police force is? Hahahaha! Money don miss road oh!

maclatunji:
Really, you asked an intelligent question and came-up with bias after that. What you fail to realise is that there must have been some event(s) that would have triggered-off such deep thought and insight from a 13-year old. It was the age, I defined how I would react to some major upheavals I was facing that would probably have turned me into a social miscreant if not for God. I would have had a lot of excuses for failure by now but I am thankful that I realised that the solution to my problems was working smart and limiting my mistakes in a hostile environment. I remember clearly because I had a conversation with my best friend about it then in school- that conversation makes it easy for me to remember I was in JSS 3.

I insist so go ahead and dismantle it Mr. Academic Skeptic!

LOL!

Mr. Olatunji, here is why I think your claim is bogus. First, a 13-yr old mind is till relatively inexperienced and preoccupied with dealing with the hormonal effects of puberty. Philosophies that hold water through early adulthood are just not likely to be formed at that age. There are several examples from your list that just don't pass the sniff test. Which 13yr old determines to "choose friends wisely and stay loyal to them as long as they do the same." Hahaha! How many friends had you had at the age of 13 to come up with this piece of insight? Haba! What kind of loyalty or disloyalty can 13-year old's inflict on themselves? Stole your girlfriend? Ran away with your money? Refused to lend you money when you were seriously broke? At the age of 13?!! Oga, your fabu is too much oh! Chei!

Of course, there is the inherent contradiction between this "1. Bad things will happen to you whether you are a good person or not" and "8. Have faith in God and try to live a good life." This level of agnostic ambivalence is indeed rare in 13-year olds. To hold these two statements/idioms as true, you need a sophisticated but counter-intuitive worldview that is stable/well-formed enough to hold these contradicting philosophies simultaneously. Sorry, I don't care if you have an IQ of 185, it's just not possible for a 13 year old to achieve this without being a complete nutcase.

Overall, whether you agree or not, a 13-year old is still a child and children just don't deal with life's adversities by forming conscious philosophies. Children going through really difficult times tend to just go into auto-pilot, plotting ingenious ways to survive using God-given natural instincts. All the philosophizing/digestion comes at a much later time. I think you're suffering from something called "hindsight bias" or the "knew-it-all-along" effect. You are claiming that philosophies you developed much later in life from your childhood experiences were actually developed during or shortly after those events occurred. Stop am oh! Or I will jump across the internet and give you a psychiatric evaluation!

To be honest, I have completely passed the level of feeling somehow in white company. I JUST DON'T GIVE A FLYING FCK!!! I am smarter and more accomplished than at least 90% of them. They can't make me feel nothing! 

Things are a bit better in the US though because there are quite a number of well-to-do blacks in most large cities. Oh maybe I just can't be bothered to notice any racist foolishness.

maclatunji:
Really, you asked an intelligent question and came-up with bias after that. What you fail to realise is that there must have been some event(s) that would have triggered-off such deep thought and insight from a 13-year old. It was the age, I defined how I would react to some major upheavals I was facing that would probably have turned me into a social miscreant if not for God. I would have had a lot of excuses for failure by now but I am thankful that I realised that the solution to my problems was working smart and limiting my mistakes in a hostile environment. I remember clearly because I had a conversation with my best friend about it then in school- that conversation makes it easy for me to remember I was in JSS 3.

I insist so go ahead and dismantle it Mr. Academic Skeptic!

LOL!

This will be fun. I'll be back

maclatunji:
That is a legitimate question. First of all, I couldn't believe I typed those principles out the way I did; it took about 5 minutes without previously thinking about them (I surprised myself). After typing, I then asked myself if I really defined those principles at age 13. To be honest, I found myself answering yes to those questions except No.6. That one just seems to be innate and ever-present with me. The few times that I am tempted to be mischievous, I kind of get punished immediately- it's weird and ridiculous.

So even if I wanted to deliberately hurt anybody (being human now) I just leave it in my best interest. If I hurt anyone it would have to be by accident and not design.

I don't expect you to believe it because I can hardly believe it meself.

As for the zen stuff, I am not into that so I wouldn't know or really care for it!

Now here Oga, we all know that the claim that you came up with all that nice philosophy at age 13 is plain bogus. I am on standby to systematically dismantle that claim if you keep repeating it. Don't push your luck!

Wow! This is just tragic. What kind of evil employer sacks a pregnant woman? No be woman born am into this world? Nigeria is such a scary country. I sometimes seriously consider never returning. All kinds of evil is permissible. Only the super-rich are safe.

Good luck my sister oh! Please, just pray well about this decision. Sometimes, fighting just isn't worth it. The court systems are weak (I know of a family member that sued his former employers and the case went nowhere because it dragged on for years and the employer kept bribing the judges and offering jobs to their unqualified relatives). Besides the relatively slim chances of court justice, there is also the added stress of dealing with all this with a baby on the way. I completely understand your hurt and desire to see justice done, but you can allow that to cloud your judgement about the practical reality. There are many other jobs out there for you. This is just the beginning! God bless you.

Our emotions are there for an evolutionary reason! Without emotions we are little more than a collection of biological nanochips! Having no emotional memory is even worse! How else do we learn from previous experience? Emotions are a good and wonderful gift if we can learn how to use and control them!

The concept of "emotional baggage" tends to come up when negative memories of previous experiences have an undue influence on today's decisions/reactions. There's is nothing inherently abnormal about this. It only becomes problematic when it gets in the way of trusting and loving people that you should trust and love. There is no cure for that besides a good therapist or spiritual enlightenment/revelation.

People that practice deliberate amnesia are doing serious harm to their psyches. You never truly forget negative experiences - you only create shortcuts in your brain that allow you to block out the memories from your consciousness. Unfortunately, you can't really block things in your unconscious. Those memories will come out to play at some point in the future and they might not come out in a controlled or orderly fashion. In fact, they often tend to express themselves in very harmful and destructive ways at the times when you need them to stay hidden the most (i.e. in times of unusually high emotions, positive or negative, or in times of unusually high stress).

How do I deal with negative emotional memory? I tend to take some time off from the initial sharpness of the emotion (usually by sleeping or watching a completely engrossing movie that ends happily). After the rawness of the emotion is a bit reduced, I re-examine the situation(s) that caused the negative emotions to isolate that emotion from the actual reality of what happened. Who said or did what and when? Why and to what purpose? Once I am able to objectively examine the situation, I can determine if I overreacted emotionally or not and then figure out how to make amends or avoid the situation in the future.

For stuff I just can't handle myself, I seek out a few trusted advisers or spiritual mentors to get some objective/unemotional perspective and some guidance on how best to deal with the emotions. Truth is, sometimes thinking painful things over and over by ourselves can tend towards neurosis without some outside perspective to bring us back to reality. How many times have we thought that break-up was the end of the world as you know it and then several months later, you're still alive and even better than ever?! Things are rarely ever as bad (or disastrous) as we often think it is.

Overall, time always helps and so too does God! When things are too painful to deal with, I get on my knees and pray! I cry out to my creator and he always answers! It works every time! 

Dr. Noel, abeg, mind your business. There really isn't a story here. She'll come around. Until then, he needs to sit still and keep being nice and considerate. Women can't hear "I love you", "You are my joy and happiness" enough times

Ivynwa:
Loling at Saga's video
I was right when I said that Saga's anger has plenty swagz to it.
That was cool and funny
You should win an award for making humour out of your anger
I hope the poster gets cheered up by these

You actually watched those clips? Jobless woman! Aaarrghh!!! Nigerians annoy the heck out of me with their village-level sycophancy. I can't stand it! Next thing you know, Aunty Ivy will be shouting "Igwe" in raffia skirts and ojuju make-up. Abeg jor! Comot with this nonsense!

Why does this pretty lady have side-burns and large hands? Are we sure Bianca isn't a tranny?

Sagamite:
Lets first park the moronic statement that UK is "racing to third world status". Reasoning of an obvious product of a failed education system!

You are a cretin!

You are a mooron!

My IQ is "above-average"?

Ori e o pe!

What an insult. Bloody cretin!

Can you tell Einstein his contribution to science is merely above average?

Can you tell Usain Bolt his pace is merely above average?

Can you tell Messi his footballing prowess is merely above average?

Can you dare tell Jesus his spirituality is merely above average?

You are a bloody foooooooooooooooool for such a statement. I have never been so publicly insulted in my life.

The "UK sliding into third-world status" statement is only a hyperbole. Let's not derail the thread. My anger has dissipated and I can't be bothered to waste my neural cells by engaging you.

Back to regular programming, who is this wife-snatching Nairalander? I wan know oh! Chei!

Sagamite:
I hope you realise she has no obligation whatsoever to tell you who she is or what her name is?

Now move on and leave her alone.

Now you're really beginning to piss me off. I have generally ignored you on here but it might be time to cut you down to size a little bit. Why are you such an arrogant twerp? What degrees do you have that make you think you having anything of value to contribute besides an above-average IQ, an empty personal life that's devoid of love and beauty, and a barely-there existence in a declining ex-colonial power? What's up with all the gra-gra, abeg? If you're so special and logical, why are you working like a slave at a job that probably pays you less than 80K GBP in a country racing down to third-world status instead of accomplishing something real and tangible in your miserable life? Aarrghhh! I can't stand people like you. You get a lousy engineering degree from LSE or Imperial and think you own and have a complete understanding of the world. Get out of here with this BS, oga! Go back to terrorizing the politics section with your foolishness.

PS - Yes, this is a rant. Yes, you pissed me off. And yes, you deserve it because you are an arrogant twerp!

Sagamite:
That is not her name. Why are you desperate to know her real name?

Because I know the girl in the pic (she went to ISI with my sister and we have lots of mutual friends on Facebook) and that's her name! Want real evidence? I can show you an original version of the pic, without the censoring squiggle on the other girl's face. If TOH isn't T.O. then she is a fraud and you must have seen a complete mirage!

Sagamite:
You must be completely confused!

I know her and have seen her before and she is nice looking. That is her!

Then she lied! She told me her name wasn't T. O. I guess she's protecting her ID. I'll have one of our many mutual friends do some investigation.

Sagamite:
Huh??

She likes to form fine girl on NL but as God will have it, I know the girl in her profile pic and it isn't her! I am just pissed-off that she has been accusing the OP of fake-ness when she herself is the epitome of fake with her fantasy internet life and image.

ThiefOfHearts:
Lmao @ people falling for tonak's BS

writing yeye epistle for such a FAKE and lame story.

and it should have been obvious to everyone that Sisi was being sarcastic

Look at the kettle calling the pot black! How can you accuse tonak of fakeness when your profile pic is fake, you entire life is fake! Get out of here with your nonsense jo!