₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
Thanks that helps.

But the truth is the 3 of them are so important I don't know if I can bear to fail at any of them.

Then don`t bite more than you can chew. No point taking on more than you can handle. Sometimes we crawl and sometimes we run.
No need burning the candle at both ends.

You have to know that other factors also play a role not just your hard work and motivation. There are some factors you do not have any influence over.
Analyze the situation rationally. Also make sure your husband is solidly behind you!
There is a difference between condoning and being fully in support.
If he is not behind you , it times of stress things might explode.

OP stay clear of danger. That ass is full of shit.
And deep shit is what you will get when you go near her.

T3Amo:
My boyfriend and I started dating in 2010. I actually met him in Nigeria while I was on vacation there. I will be honest and say that initially he was not really my type(looks) but I decided to give it a try because he had a lot of things that I look for in a man and I did not want to be too superficial. Anyways it's a very long story but we have been in a long distance relationship for almost 5 years ( we see each other like twice a year). This guy really loves me and is a good guy but sometimes I feel 'tired of him' or perhaps I am not really in love with him. I feel bad because I wish I did not feel this way but I feel we have kinda grown apart. Am thinking that it's cos we have not really had a normal relationship, that perhaps maybe when we both in same country that things will be better. He has met most of my family and they love him and vice versa except my dad. Although my dad has never met him. He was not really happy about it. My dad says he wants to find out more about him and his family background. He has a job but it's not what he wants and he is not rich, I on the other hand come from a 'well off' family but money is not and has never been an issue. We are both tired of the long distance relationship so he said that I either relocate to Nigeria or he relocates to Us but since he knows that I will not be as comfy in Naija then he is willing to come this side but that is another headache cos of the process involved and while he is here it means that he may be out of work for a long time. He is very good to me and treats me well. There was a time I suspected infidelity but could not prove it. All his friends, family and colleagues know of me. Am actually in contact with his family and his friends. Another issue is we are not sexually compatible and he is also a bad kisser. I don't enjoy kissing him. I have really been trying because he is a good person and men like him and are rare these days. But since we started dating till now I have been battling if he is actually the one for me.

Five years is a long time to keep yourself and him hanging

A man can learn how to kiss. If he is a good man, then he is indeed a gift from God.
When he goes to the US he can also find his feet, other men have done so before him.
You probably get tired of him because he is in a disadvantageous position compared to you.

cococandy:
Pls did anybody here go to school and work and have babies at the same time?
How did you do it?
I don't want to start what I can't finish
Cc efemenaxy
Moca
Babyosisi
Mutter
And all the mommas in the house

Don´t worry you will cope just fine.Women are so good at multi tasking.

People often ask me how I cope and I always give the same answer- one day at a time.
When one day does not go well or you are tired, tomorrow is a new day with new chances.

It is better to try and fail than never try at all.

If you aim for 100 and get 50 you have something. If you aim for zero and get zero- you have nothing.

ascaris:
[/color], he only knows how to ask questions,[color=#990000]
This is my interest in you post. This guy is a great thinker in the making! He will make wonderful discoveries. Just try your best in encouraging him.

Exactly!
I have a son that just got into the Uni to study. That boy never opened his books up to an hour. The one in the first class at 6 was spending more time than him learning when he was doing his A level. It drove me up the wall .

The boy calculated that he needed a 1,8 in his A level to get into any university of his choice to study what he wanted and that was exactly what he brought home
We used to think he was kind of slow. He wold ask so many questions but could not do up his shoe lace. Could not draw anything. Common sense was lacking as a child.
The only day ever came home crying and could not do his homework was in primary one when they told him to draw his family.

Then I have those that read allot and get good results. Read and don`T get good results.

Every child is different and has to be supported and encouraged.

If the school don`t want him put him in another school.

Sometimes people just do not fit in. Even adults may have a job and just not fit into the team. It happens.

emmyrichie:
Are you kidding me? Her soul rest in peace? Where clearly she destroyed a lot of destinies? When she was worst than the serpent?

Sinners need prayers.

A woman that seeks the fruit of the womb has to be in prayer and humble.

How would you have felt if you husband abandoned him because the problem was from you?
What you did is very wrong. How can the pregnancy even come when you are constantly moving in and out.

The problem is that you have not yet seen this union as a marriage and you are not ready to fight for ti.

Out there is a woman that is offended by what your husband did.
She swore for him.
God does listen to prayers. This woman made this prayer from the depth of her heart.

The first thing you should do is go and meet this woman in all humility and plead with her to forgive your husband.

I had a friend that was very bitter with her ex. Intact she was hell bent on dealing with whichever woman came into his life.Years later the man wanted to get married to a young yoruba girl. The girl in her early twenties and living abroad said she would only say yes if she got the blessing of his ex wife. She went to Nigeria with the man, visited the ex wife/my friend. She knelt down in front of her and pleaded for her permission to marry the man and also for her blessing. She promised to always treat her step children like her own.

My friend was weak. All her anger melted at the sight of this young pretty girl who showed so much wisdom and courage. She gave her blessing.

That young girl really impressed us all!

delishpot:
True. But its hard to let go. I appreciate and understand my mothers "wahala" as a growing child now that I have mine,
I just try my best to not hold on so tight. Parenting is hard o. The fears, the worries, kai it aint easy being a loving caring parent.

That is why one must put their faith in God. The more children you have the wider is the surface on which life can hit you.
As a parent one lives in constant fear.

Broke the 11th commandment!

Happy valentine!

All children are not the same.
Please do not compare your children!
He needs love and praise.

This is really an example of a stupid, arrogant woman who cannot keep her home!

Are you the first woman to be pregnant that you cant´do your house chors. You have the nerve to be calling on the man constantly to help you!

So you married a stupid illiterate, to let him slave for you because you spent four years on a uni.
You stooped so low to marry him!
Who forced you!- His money and house is not illiterate abi.

Please let us know how you got that young man to spy on his master at the risk of loosing his job.
How am I sure you were not even giving him kind for service

That woman has never had a child because God has not blessed her with one! You have no right to insult her. Do you have one ? You are still pregnant and as the Lord gives so he takes. Please never abuse anyone that has not been blessed with a child.

What does the other woman care how mad you are.Did she come there to drag your husband out of the house.
Somewhere your husband went to willingly and happily.


Do you know that what you did with that apprentice is unpardonable. Even more unpardonable than what your husband did.

How evil can a woman be to hide the paternity of the child from the husband.
Worse still be planning to go back to the father of the child.
Poor man! It did not have to end this way.
Poor woman may her soul rest in peace.

Very nice read and so true somehow.
He needed to have more kids to loosen up
With my first kid I was sterilizing everything and he was constantly sick.
By the 3rd kid I was just washing them and boiling out occasionally and the kid had a strong immune system.
One really needs to learn to let go as a parent and put their trust in God.

When men have to spend an arm and a leg to marry a woman, this is what happens.
His valuable property has been tampered with.
The husband obviously never loved the woman.
If he did no matter how angry he was, he would never have humiliated her in this way.

Anyway as barbaric as it is. The rate of adultery is too high in Nigeria.
If this were to happen more often it would probably reduce.

A woman cheating on a husband is simply unpardonable. That is the end of the marriage. There can no longer be any foundation for a marriage.

Many women just hiding behind "mrs" while they are prostituting themselves.

Many Nigerian women in Germany that are married still sell themselves for money. Some even take their clients into public toilets and give them blow jobs there.

Well I can`t say she deserved this but I can`t pity her.

Which normal thinking man will keep a woman that has done this to another woman

One is now deformed the other is a wild animal.
Desperate not housewife`s.
Abeg the man better go for someone else and dump the two.

what God has put together....
Beware of bad friends who are jealous of your happiness and want to see you end like them.
Many of them are not close to their partners and are jealous of your happiness.

Where the mothers also not raising the boys, so why are you focusing on the girls.

Why should neighbours deal with children without parental interferance, that is criminal!
Do you know that most kids have been abused not by strangers but people who knew them.

The church is also not responsible for discipline.

Anyone lay hand on my child, I don`t care who you are, you get a wacking from me.
It is criminal and it is wrong.

My kid´s are a gift from God and God`s gifts are precious to him.
I do not raise my kid`s with brute force.

No! my kid`s need to understand their limits and know what is right and wrong. They need to do things because they are convinced it is the right thing.

Anyone laying their hands on my kid`s has commited a crime and shall be held responsible. I don`t care who you are.

If you like do that to your kids but not to mine.

Do you think that beating makes you a better person?
Certainly not!

As regards cooking my sons and daughters learn how to cook. Why should cooking be left for the girls. Nothing I do not teach my boys. Only make few exceptions. The boys carry the heavy things
My second son just entered Uni. Do you think I want him to be dependent on a girl to cook for him He cooks all his food himself.
It does not matter if someone can cook egusi. Cooking is cooking. Once you know how to cook you can always cook anything, the recipes are in the internet.

And please my advice to you, stop trying to equate violence for discipline

A woman that has a child should not wed in white
Amazing how everyone just puts on white.
Should be banned by the churches.

There is absolutely nothing against it. Not legally nor morally.
Even in some traditions quite normal.
You can tell your parents. At their age they will understand and support you.

You want us to believe that a woman is so desperate and even wants to kill herself if you don`give it to her?

Tomorrow you will tell your wife she forced herself on you!

Anyway I only blame your wife for leaving the cheese at home with the rat.
She should anticipate such a thing would happen.
Maybe she does not even care, only after making her money.

Well have fun while you are at it and I hope it is worth the risk.

..and the men a that age all have jobs abi
and are not frustrated.
Anyway they don`T go to the church but to the highway to put an end to the frustration.

What an immature way of looking at the dilemma called Nigeria today.

God do not forgive them because they knew what they did!

jameslucy:
Having known her each time I visited my mum on holidays (who had divorced my dad since I was 6years old). In December 2006 we started dating. Her parents have also been separated since she was 9. Her mum raised her and her 3 other siblings to SSCE level & couldn't help again. Life was not easy for me too as I sponsored myself through the University. After graduation, I went into taxi driving to survive while I seek greener pastures, and with it I sponsored her university education till graduation-alone. We wedded and have 2girls-5yrs & 8months. But my wife disrespects me, refuses to work to support me, does not care if I'v eaten or not or if I'm exhausted, tells me boldly that she doesn't care about our marriage, etc. I was compelled this evening to tell her to go to her mum if she's tired & feel life is better there than my best here. Her mum had encouraged her once to return if she wishes. She might be leaving 2morro. I love her but can't stand the troubles anymore. My mum warned me about her disrespectfulness-I didn't listen! Please advice me!

You also need to ask yourself where you could have gone wrong.
Some self made men that had a hard time growing up are very bitter and see no fun in life any more.
Could it be that you are that kind of man that wanted her to be totally indebted to you?
That would not release a penny without turning it a hundred times?
That kept shoving it down her throat how hard you worked and expected the same of her?
That was looking after his siblings to the extent that your wife was made to feel that she had no role in your life?
... then somewhere along the line the marriage was too burdensome for her, and you too meant nothing to her.

Women need love and tenderness. You can`t marry a woman and expect her just to function like a machine. Women don`t need a man that tells them they are not capable or that he made them what they are.

For he mother to encourage her daughter in such circumstances to come home, means that there is something you are doing that is very wrong.


Maybe you didn`t loose some here but you just blew it!

The man wanted a glamorous wife and to hit the headlines.
He got that now!
Front page all the way

Poor man what a dreadful thing this woman has done.

What was the big hurry to get married, while still in school?
You were so much in a hurry that you picked just "anyone".

Are you sure it was because of his blood group.
Sounds more like you wanted a father for your pregnancy.
Perhaps he is not even the father and you pushed it on him.
Just wondering because the reason for getting married does not make sense.

Now you have had the child you want to divorce him?
Is it crime to be poor?

Why can`t you build up the home with him an suffer together to make a future.

Lovely wife. She also looks very kind and friendly. You are a lucky man. Congrats.

When a woman has that condition it can get worse in pregnancy or child birth.

It also gets worse when the woman is unhappy, being stressed or under pressure.
imminent imminent had it before he married her and now it go worse, I think it might be that this friend is doing something wrong.

If she has been living a" normal" life till now, you might just need to get the right medication.

Marriage is for better or worse.
Again everyone has to take that decision for him/herself.

In such a situation I would stick to my husband. He does not want to harm n´me, he is just sick.

thorpido:
I never mentioned divorce.
She's however letting her husband get away with his lifestyle.There are women who condition their minds this way:'as long as he takes care of me and the children and does not bring her home,I'm ok'.It's okay for such women if that is what they want.

Like she said,she should keep protecting herself.AIDS is real.

What can a woman do?
How can she prevent it? She either takes it or leaves.
You know this is something that is very painful for a woman, and it makes marriage so difficult. But what choice does the woman have. At some stage you get tired of screaming, shouting, crying, hurting and so on.
You just resign yourself to it so you can have some sanity and energy to focus on your kid`s.

The other question is why should one be in a permanent stage of protecting ones self against imminent danger?

thorpido:
So you will forgive him when he apologises and then he does it again and the cycle continues.......
I don't know what you want or better still I know you want to be in a husband's house but like you said,keep protecting yourself.

If all women divorce their husbands for "cheating", how many marriages will still exist.

holyokoto:
Becoming his slave?

If all the cleaning, cooking, serving and so much more I do in my household without pay has not made me a slave. Why would what I do in the privacy of my room make me a slave.

I love to make my husband happy. Even if it is not exactly what I like, seeing him happy is the greatest pleasure for me.

You call it slavery, I call it love.

So many people advising this lady that is against God etc. When she divorces they will condemn her for divorcing.

Dear OP just go into the privacy of your room and open you mouth and swallow and keep swallowing.
Better you take that shit at home than divorce. Out there you will receive abuse and insult from the society for the rest of your life. The very people telling you not to do it now will pounce on you and curse you.

After how many days of marriage
You should have still been honey mooning and not chatting with other girls.

Your wife had no right to breach you privacy!
Also no right to smash you phone.

Niether of you went into the marriage with an idea of how to resolve conflicts.
That was why she just got up and left and you are contemplating not taking her back.

If that was how marriage functioned in the past, the institution of marriage woud not exist today.

GO look for your wife and apologize by so doing you will give her an opportunity to apologize too.