₦airaland Forum

[quote author=George_D link=topic=373213.msg5258987#msg5258987 date=1262773952]N101 , waiting and doing something useful with your life are relative terms usually lost in translation. most times we find that while trying to 'do something useful with their lives' ladies become so engrossed with what they're doing that time finally passes them by. this is reality.[/quote]I don't disagree with you, on the other hand I can't totally agree with you because it's not really relative or lost in translation to most women. 

As I mentioned before, no one can expect a woman to put her life on hold waiting for a suitable suitor to come along.  You'll find very few women who plan to get engrossed in their working life at the expense of their personal life.  As the saying goes "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". C'est la vie.

BTW, laughing in sign language - ASL or BSL? 

@ post

I'm not convinced that this story is true.  The only way this could happen on public transport is:

(1) If he smells
(2) If he was chatting away to no one in particular
(3) He started acting like he was going to do something crazy

People endure all types of madness on public transport. This man was trying to draw attention to himself to get a reaction and achieved his objective.  Think about it: why would you get on public transport and announce anything if you didn't expect a reaction?

The baby must be over a year old now. I wonder what they did in the end?

* ^{subscribes & takes notes} *

For those who have moved back or have friends who have moved back:

What is the one thing you would have done differently in the early days of your arrival?

What was your biggest challenge and did you overcome it? If yes, how?

[quote author=George_D link=topic=373213.msg5254793#msg5254793 date=1262715585]otukpo, while i agree with you that it is not intentional in all cases, still a great majority of ladies these days think marriage should come second while pursuing their career.[/quote]

Fhemmmy:
I have come to know that something you try too hard to get, always get the wrong one.
Love will always come to you, if you are patient, however, while waiting, do something with your life

George, see the response to your post from Fhemmmy.

The fact many people miss is that women pursue a career because marriage isn't on the horizon - should she stand still and put her life on hold until someone turns up?   When the right man comes along see how quickly she will abandon it all!

What has your virginity got to do with your friends 

It's your choice whether to remain a virgin or not.  What you choose to do or not is none of your friends business. 

If you feel it is you may want to consider why you have these harassing people as your so-called friends.

Tsiya:
It depends on how you two know each other and what you have done with each other before marriage. If you two have known each other for long and have gone all the way, the wedding night will just be like any other day, only that this one you are tired. If you have never gone all the way: too much to think. The tension, the anxiety, the restlessness, the calculations and miscalculations of how to pop up the thing. If you are a girl, fear will catch you, the knowledge today it is inevitable and couple with the fact that you are going to leave your mummy. If you are a guy, you will be in the mood of "I can't wait for tonight". You will be having erection all day and nothing anybody will tell you will make sense that day.

Not quite true for everyone.  Not all girls are scared unless they know very little about sex and relationships, in fact they are just as excited as the man.  As for the man having an erection all day - is he wearing super underpants that no one will notice this during the wedding ceremony and reception?

From a number of people I've had discussions with, those whose relationship was non-sexual prior to marriage crashed and fell asleep on their wedding night, similarly to those who had been living together before marrying. 

When close friends told me what happened I didn't quite believe them. . .until it happened to me.  Then it made perfect sense!

[quote author=George_D link=topic=373213.msg5239942#msg5239942 date=1262521683]ah then! i expect every chinese above the age of 35 is a divorcee going by this heavy generalization?  [/quote]You mean, similar to the kind of heavy generalisations in this thread?  I laugh in Tianjin.

I'll bet that somewhere out there, in Mandarin, there's a thread about whether getting married in your late 20s or early 30s is too late.   

Gosh I'm going to sound like a broken record. . .

Seeing that I'd only had 3 hours sleep the night before, it didn't surprise me that we fell asleep when we got the chance.  We were just happy it was the end of months of planning, stress and hassle!

Ujujoan:
ok, N101 .  . . Who are you and where did u come from

Na secret  

@ poster

I'd recommend "The New Birth Order Book" by Kevin Leman, it explains why first-born, only children, middle-born and last-born have the characteristics they do.  It also mentions the best suited birth orders, and I have to say that according to him, first born & last born are a good match.

Once you read it you will be able to identify yourself in it and realise that where you are born in your family very much shapes you and influences  your behaviour.  Next to gender, it does make sense!  I know a first born wife married to a last born husband, it works for them because they're weaknesses and strengths compliment each other.

All the best in your marriage.

I'm not convinced she had an abortion - I suspect her period was late.  What proof does she have that she did indeed abort?

@ Fhemmmy, it's actually "Scrwe me i scrwe you gospel international ministries church"

Mekana:
I APPLUAD THE ABOVE WRITER FOR HIS INSIGHT AND ARTICULATED COMMENT. BUT FEW ISSUES WERE RAISED AND NEED TO BE ADDRESSED. your PREAMBLE  NOT ONLY APPEARED AS A CONDESCENSION (BY TAGGING OTHERS AS KIDS), IT TARNISHED THE MERIT IN your ARGUMENT. GOING BY your DICTION, ONE WONDERS  IF U HAD DONE A SCIENTIFIC SURVEY TO ASCERTAIN THE AVERAGE AGE OF THOSE POSTERS U CRITICIZED. tHE FUNDAMENTAL FACTOR THAT FRAMES OPINION IS SOCIOCULTURAL BACKGROUD AND PHILOSOPHY, NOT MERE AGE. SOME PPL IN THEIR FORTIES MIGHT HAVE SIMILAR VIEWS DEPENDING ON THEIR LEVEL OF INFLUENCE BY WESTERN VALUES.

We are all entitled to our opinions.  The OP asked a question, but consider some of the comments she received in return.  

While society and culture play a subconscious part in shaping our perspectives, it doesn't mean we lack sensitivity and insight in to what is happening around us.  If "sociocultural background and philosophy" means we make glib comments like "women are too picky", does that mean we should subscribe to it?  Is every woman's situation the same?  There's a difference between a 19 year-old asking this question and a mid to late 20-something asking the same, my response would hardly be different.  Or is empathy only a "Western" thing?

The important thing is that many women in their 20s and 30s find themselves single, not because they are too picky or to busy with education but often simply because of circumstances.  People should look a little closer at each situation, but not tar everyone with the same brush or look down on them because of so-called "cultural" dictates.

Be well.

Redsky1, Princek12, spikedcylinder, kech and others, I applaud you for injecting a degree of maturity and experience into the discussion.  As pak stated:

Sometimes (no offence intended) but I think there are a lot of kids up on this thread who really understand little bout life.

Marriage is not some disembodied thing floating around waiting for someone to catch it, like a cold.  A lot of people who haven't married at 25 or whatever is the presumed acceptable age is that way because they rejected someone or were too picky.  I can only presume that most posters who think like this are (a) unmarried and (b) no where near 25 or (c) think this will never apply to them.  If you're in college or school then you may know a little about relationships, but marriage isn't in the same league as boyfriend/girlfriend. 

A lot of men and women's experiences are similar to that posted by  Nwaka77, in fact, it's much worse.  I know a lot of people who stay away from Nigeria after a certain age because of the undue pressure of supposed "well meaning" family and friends.  For every one who has been picky, there are others who have trudged along without catching anyone's eye.  Still others have caught the eye of someone who sees them only for what they can get and nothing more. 

If you've never been committed to anything, don't bother to get married. Having children is not like visiting a relative, they are yours for life, you can't return them.  Having children changes relationships, if you're marrying to have children, think carefully about how much it will cost you, physically and emotionally.

Marriage is not for wishful thinkers. It's not a straight line, it has its ups and downs, it's highs and lows.  It isn't something to be acquired like brand named goods (if you're into that kind of thing).  If you ain't prepared for the imperfections, the bumps and the difficulties that will come, abandon before you start.

It's not about maturity or age, it's about meeting the person who compliments you; not every man or woman who approaches you will compliment you nor make a good husband/wife for you.  There is no perfect age for it, but those who married the right person will tell you - whether they married at 18 or 48 - that it was the right time for them.

Marriage isn't overrated, people's expectations are unrealistic.

Why is it that some of our parents have gone the distance but we wilt at the slightest difficulty?

youngbest:
many ppl jump into marriage cauuse of wat
dey read in novels and see in films
so in real life wen d going gets tough dey cant keep up
cause it turns out 2 b wat dey tot
dats wat mks must marriage break

Freiburger:
What interests me is the fact that the poster did not put the question in a vice versa form, he only nailed it on the women as if they 're  the ones that are most vulnerable to switching easily to a different man.
@ Poster are u trying to tell us your bad experiences with women? or are u afraid that your girlfriend or wife cant keep only you all her life time?  I sense complexity from you.

Or just plain ol' fear, as you've mentioned before.

Good point though.

@ post

Well, when I was a child I just stood and watched.  As an adult I do pretty much the same.

My brother has another tactic.  While they're quarrelling, he will inject nonsense sentences, nothing whatsoever to do with the argument.  Enough to distract them into going "what?!"  At which point he will ask a pointless question which tends to disorientate them.

That tends to work 

@ 28schweet

You are asking questions that you don't want answers to.  For every answer is a reason why not to, so why ask for suggestions/help?

At the end of the day you are the one to live with the consequences of your own actions.  If you are not willing to do something, then I suggest you stand back from this thread and think very carefully before responding.

I know someone like you, nothing you've said isn't something I haven't heard before.  I really wish you well and hope you find the strength to do the right thing by your girls.

Approved1:
Good question. and Why aren't men as insecure?

There are A LOT of insecure men out there, trust me. Scratch just below the surface, look a little closer and you will see it all. I suspect many men are not self-aware and therefore wouldn't be able to identify their insecurities for what they are.

@ poster

It's a myth.  For you to know a lot of angry black women it would be interesting to know the kind of people you know and what you translate as "angry".  When a woman says she has problems with other women it says a lot to me about that woman.

I have met women accused of being angry when in fact they are either drama queens or very animated, but not angry.  Just because a woman raises her voice doesn't make her angry, it is a stereotype.  This isn't limited to African American women either, I have seen loads of African and Caribbean women do the same thing, most of the time they are just gisting. 

Black people by nature are highly expressive and emotive and blunt when they relate to others, though it can be over-the-top sometimes.  When they aren't gisting they are being overly dramatic - how you choose to deal with them will determine whether they will truly become angry or not. 

Loud black woman?  Yes.  Angry black woman?  No.

arkinses:
the word sarcasm must be alien to you

That was a pretty poor attempt - try again. 

michelin89:
What is the misuse of sarcasm? That analogy was silly and has nothing to do with sarcasm!

Thanks, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed that.

@ poster

Yours is a strange question to me, let me explain why.  If a woman is engaged and a man is aware of this, why is he choosing to sleep with her?

Is it because:

[list]
[li]He thinks she's fair game because she's not yet married?[/li]
[li]He needs to get his rocks off and her status is irrelevant?[/li]
[li]If it doesn't bother her then he'll too will turn a blind eye?[/li]

[/list]

I ask because it seems from the tone of your post that the onus is on the woman, which I would agree is true.  However, any man who knowingly sleeps with an engaged woman lacks any moral credibility to slander engaged women who sleep with someone outside of their relationship. 

If a (supposed) woman is engaged and sleeping around she is not ready for marriage.

Andrrew: CAN YOU WATCH TV WITH ONLY ONE CHANNEL ALL YOUR LIFE

ALWAYS NTA NEWS, EVEN IF AIT IS SHOWING BALL, CARTOON, CNN, AFRICA MGIC?     

We can only get AIT so that rubbishes  your theory 

arkinses:
can a woman ever menstruate only once in her entire life?

Not the same thing and totally off-topic.  But then I can only guess that you don't know much about female biology huh?

@ poster, you may want to try writing/emailing some of the Trinidadian newspapers - even if you can't track him you may be able to track some of your relatives there:

Trinidad & Tobago Express
Trinidad & Tobago's Newsday
The Trinidad Guardian

You might as well go to the source. If you can glean any information from your mother about your father's family (e.g. where in Trinidad they're from), that would help. 

Incidentally, if that isn't a real photo of your dad, I suggest you not use it. Good luck.

When I see articles like this I find it annoying that  impotence is never clearly defined either as impotency (erectile dysfunction) or infertility (low sperm count).   

AN IDEA: Why don't some of us pool together our knowledge to get this done?  I'm convinced that there are enough of us here who are seriously interested in making this happen in Nigeria.

Working on the premise that we all have the same plan and goal in mind and aren't looking to short-change one another, why not get our respective knowledge and experience together?

Just a thought

ijeoma2619:
hey tea doesn't turn your teeth yellow does it? tell me now because i recently started drinking tea lol

Ah yes, I'm afraid tea does stain your teeth.  It's also the hard water, so a combination of both, plus drinking lots of tea, will have some effect on your teeth.  Think about it; ever used the same cup for tea regularly?  You'll notice it gets stained after a while.  If that can happen with a mug, imagine what effect that can have on teeth 

ijeoma2619:
lol this girl you're too funny, but on a more serious note im quite surprised, i thought they had more access to the healthcare system than many americans.

True to a point; access to healthcare is widespread, however not everyone has access to an NHS dentist. Even then you still have to pay.

@ Poster - I've never come across a thread so funny for a while!  For your sake I hope your breath is always minty fresh by comparison to those you encountered _{(though I doubt it)}.  Relax, if you don't live in the UK then you don't have to encounter those ghastly yellow-teethed, bad-breath people unless, by some fluke or cruel twist of fate, you are forced to make another trip there again.

The same place where I am now but where I won't be next year