₦airaland Forum

GboyegaD:
I guess families differ. Everyone of us are married and we all choose our dates with our partners.

Like my dad would say, he is a guest at your wedding because it is your home. If the date you choose don't work, they should communicate back to you a time that works in a respectable manner.

Asking them to wait because of other family engagement could be interpreted as theirs isn't important (which could be seen as been disrespected) but I feel it is because there a gap in communication between the love birds. She should have known the parents might not be comfortable to add that in their plans for the year and communicated that to the guy before now.

Ehen now you are talking @bolded, we also chose ours but that might not be the standard for other families.

From my perspective though, waiting for a few months won't hurt sha.

Odward:
Op dey ask for advice but these ones dey talk about another babe failed marriage . Shey life no hard like this

Shuu let us talk naa

We are just rubbing minds together.

truthbetold22:
The simple question is “what activities?”

When you clarify, it becomes clear. When you are vague, people pick offense. Did you jump the part where I mentioned that the guy would only get upset if he assumed they were needlessly wasting time and not wanting to meet his own schedule? Do you know if December is his most suitable time based on his family too?

He should have been told clearly why December wasn’t feasibly. He is not a mad man and would have understood.

And yes, marriage planning should be left to bride and groom. Nobody says family input isn’t needed but in the two cases on this thread, isn’t it clear that the marriages were ruined due to the over bearing nature of the family of the bride?

They have a lot of family activities and it would be chocked up is not a valid explanation? How clear did you want them to be to start listing activities one by one. Even after his bride and brides father had told him December is not a good time?

I asked you a question you didn't answer because it's very valid in this context, cultural practices in the marriage processes of different tribes differ



Come on the guy is tactless, he too should have been diplomatic. Having money doesn't mean you should lose common sense se,

You didn't answer my question though.
I suspect the lady we are talking about and family are Yoruba, if truly they are then he committed a big offense by that action that sounds simple to you.

Because in Yoruba culture wedding activities are to be taken care of by the brides family from date, location, even down to the money to be spent to host guests the husband might just chip in a little. So you can understand how grave the offence is, it's not about the cheque alone, it's far more than that for the father of the bride, the bride herself and by extension her whole family.


Well as much as I also feel marriage activities should be left to the bride and groom, it's not so here in Naija, the whole family gets involved, one just has to play the cards right as the bride or groom.

truthbetold22:
This is ridiculous. I will summarize as follows.

1-The guy obviously wanted December because that is when most festivities are slated for Especially people who have a lot of family and friends outside the country. If for any reason this December did not work for your family, the onus was on you guys to give him cogent reasons why including naming the events that are so important to your family in December A wedding is a weekend only, not a month.

2- The guy suggested that if the money was the reason for the delay, he could write a check to cover everything. This clearly shows that you guys did not provide any reasonable explanation for not wanting this December. For example, you cannot tell a man that you have a family burial in December and he would still insist on using December.. it is common sense.

3- why all the sensitivity?? The guy get money, is that a sticking point too? He offered to cover your family’s part of the wedding, is that a wrong thing too? Having money comes with a little bit of pride, deal with it. Pride isn’t the same as disrespect.

4- when your sister gets to 30 years now without another suitor, you all will look back at this and wish you handled it better. The sticking point here is that he was never told exactly why December would not work. Your family did not also bother to ask why he really wanted December. Everything na cooperation

5- finally; wether your sister is happy or not, it is no loss to the guy. Your case is exactly like the op, Nigerian families with their over bearing attitude and need for constant validation. Wedding planning should be left to bride and groom. No need for this free for all.

Peace!

Loool seriously @ all the bolded. I do find it strange that some people don't see anything wrong with that guy's actions. He suggested that if money was the delay? Lool, you read he was angry, you are saying he suggested.

Sorry what part of Nigeria are you from? I need to understand the marriage process from your side.

Also he was told by the bride and the brides father that December was not okay and they had lot of activities lined up. Read his other post below

Also wedding planning involved the whole family here in Nigeria.

wamide042:
Congratulations dear…. God has already delivered you.
My younger sister is also going thru same right now and as it is we also have called off the wedding. My sister’s fiancé is so full of himself, when he brought the marriage proposal my family agreed but told him that they could only do it next year because we already have events planned up for this year and it will be too chocked. Naso guy begin dey vex to the extent of him saying that my Dad should write out the budget that he will write my Dad cheque.
Omo!! We blasted him and his family infact it was sister herself that said she’s no longer interested in the wedding and yes we agreed with her. That’s an insult to us like…WTF !! Loro kan sha.. no wedding again and my sister too is Happy right now.

Oturukpeke!!!

Loool he came to marry wife and he's behaving like this insulting your brides family like that?

All these overgrown, spoilt, baby boys roaming about the country nowadays sef. Very tact less set of human beings. Make e chop him money.

GboyegaD:
He was wrong to have said he was going to write a check and it is also obvious himself and your sister were not communicating. They should choose their date and not the other way, but what do I know?

Why are you talking as if you don't know families will have to agree on date.

Infact in some families it's the Father of the bride that will choose the date, even the bride and her mum might not have a say in it, it might not sound right but it's Family dynamics.

They said the have plenty events lined up for this year ( which has just 3 months more by the way) that it should be done next year, the guy is writing out cheque loool, did they tell him they don't have money for their daughters wedding. All these stories make me wonder the kind of boys being bred nowadays.

Please don't support this you are a matured person.

oldienavie:
The bolded would only be true if the lady was a virgin.

Loool, even if the lady is not a virgin it's still applicable. He is always to go all out for the lady.

EagleNest:
Regardless of whether they all accepted him or not, it is immature to go into stupid argument with your would be inlaws unless they are out to milk you or they are simply useless. But in this case, I think he just failed the very basics, of playing and paying courtesies. You have just spoken with your lady on phone, and on finding out that her aunty was with her, may be a little hello and thanks for helping xyz with shopping today will not do you harm but endear you more to the family - regardless of whether you mean it or not. Play the politics for Christ sake. You are a stranger and you should know that every of your moves or behaviour is monitored and read. Going there and dey show yourself with crass rudeness is recipe for failure. I cannot fault the lady because the bobo failed the basics.

Spot on

gabemuyi:
All I see is parental irresponsibility. U said Ur dad had no objection about family introduction. Most lackadaisical father's have their daughters in an abusive marriage. Look Ur father should have had a date with him, know the type of person he is. Before Agreeing to even see his parents A comprehensive family meeting should be carried out by Ur father. Just thank Ur star u escaped this one . U for understand.

I was waiting for someone to say this. It might be part of the problem, they would have known who exactly he is before going ahead to fix date.

I have a problem with people who lack tact, Op's ex is definitely one of them. Not a good sign at all.


The first day I took my husband to see my father, my husband did Lagos idobale i.e prostrated half way, popsie said hian, o ma do bale tan ni( you will prostrate fully) he did the full prostration.

One of my very eldest cousins met my husband on the day of our wedding, we had already finished the ceremony and were in the rooms in the guest house preparing to leave for Lagos when he came around, he said he wouldn't miss my wedding, he wanted to greet him and my husband genuflected slightly, he was like eh, you are taking my baby cousin you will prostrate ni oo.

Though he was about 20years older than my hubby anyway but it didn't really matter. Everybody laughed and he prostrated. They haven't even seen each other since our wedding.


It's not even about this incident, that guy is not it at all, you want to marry and you are already having issues with your wife's people over irrelevant things, a bad sign very bad one. Everybody is talking about the Aunty incident which is even the most irrelevant one
here ( although I don't understand why your Aunty and hubby will be discussing money matters) nobody mentioned where she said her Dad and mum complained he was rude to them.



The lady is always the prize, the gentle man is to go all out for his lady.

You have gotten good responses already.


Please kindly ignore all the anti marriage posts that might flood this thread soon. Don't let them put nonsense inside your head. Happy married life in advance.

qtguru:
NL men what more do you want,


Wife blows money = Bitch
wife gives husband money = simp

You guys are stressful mehn

This got me looling.

You spend your husband money wahala
You dash husband moni double wahala oo

Point is NL romance section boys can never be satisfied

Continue doing what you do best kunle, you will get there.

You are good at what you do.

faithfull18:
Lol, okay[b]. I am yet to meet a woman who wants to take the financial role of a man though[/b]. Women generally wants to be taken care of no matter how financially buoyant they are.

Me too oo, Yet to meet such woman no matter how rich she is.

Who doesn't want soft life? Abeg oo.
There's this feeling when you spend your man's money, the satisfaction of being taken care of even when you can afford it is so nice.

If I tell you will you what I know will work will you do it.

Ehinjuola:
Dat breaded life get as E b jawe...

Though the movie is interesting but take a look at it this way;
Is it possible for someone from wealthy background/ family to suddenly turn to bakery worker with hard hard labor job he was doing in the movie?

Another thing is, why would you say you were in coma for d whole movie, is that not insane? Lol
Is like you're toying with viewers emotions

Also could it be possible with such coincidence that happened BTW that boy n d bread seller girl?

Lool that's why it's a good movie, the twists

Now the whole bakery thing was while he was in coma remember? But we the viewers didn't know it was a coma till he woke up, we felt it was just continuation of events.
The coma started after he drove off in anger from his mum, not the whole movie we didn't know he had an accident till after he woke up and the whole movie flowed normal.

kingw:
That breaded life is one the Nigerian best movie I have watched
King of thieves should my second

I doubt anyone could predict that breaded life story, it was intriguing.
Bimbo ademoye is a great actress, also acted superbly in anikulapo.

King of thieves is also good.

Nilon:
yoruba films are the worst. I saw one recently, meet my fiancee on rok. The guy is a prince and he's planning to marry an outsider. The king and queen his parents refused to approve of the marriage until his wife to be comes and live in the palace as one of the queen's maids as part of their customs and traditions. Could you believe this queen confiscated the fiancee's phone and made her live under strict rules and regulations. The most annoying part was asking the girl to kneel down in front of her son the prince. That is turning a city girl into a mumu. To cut the story short, the girl got pregnant for the fiance elder brother the crown prince after going out with him. The shocking thing was that the so called queen that ought to know better gave consent to his son to go out with his brother's fiancee

Lool

There are still good Yoruba movies.
I watched anikulapo today - top notch wasn't disappointed at all

I have watched King of thieves ( yoruba movie) too also good

What I have noticed is these dstv/gotv channels don't really show quality Nigerian movies either english or Yoruba.

mariahAngel:
Hahahahahahahahahaha @club football.

What some people don't get is that some of those Nigerian movies titles/storyline are intentionally made to be preposterous/ridiculous for laughs and relaxation.
I mean, isn't it obvious that pregnant ghost sounds ridiculous?
The joke is on too serious people.
Awon alaseju!

Yes Na club football, I (also my hubby) just can't relate with the love for it.

mariahAngel:
And so!?



Your babe can watch Al Jazeera 24/7 for all we care. Nobody gives a sh!t!

They're talking wife, this one is talking babe!

Loool, I read his post and I was amazed, people don't realize interests differ. I wonder why he had to make such statement.

She loves Nigerian movies. She loves Nigerian movies niyen. Shikena.

Same way some of us wonder what some people see in club football.

Ademoore07:
U are complaining of Iru's smell. What if it was eragiri (fermented melon)? U go faint be that.

Read its common among ilaje peeps,and that it's a local seasoning like iru, can you explain a bit seems you know about it.

Fred166:
You are right. There are good Nigerian movies.

But I can't remember the last time I watch a movie. I'm always busy. I don't even subscribe to the gotv in our room. My wife handles the gotv sub because she loves watching enough of those boring movies

I only subscribe to the dstv in our sitting room, because I love watching football match and other sports on a weekend like this

Aha, I just knew you were a football person

viyon02:
Your wife must be a full house wife for her to have much time for Nigeria movie, my babe prefer to watch France 24 or DW she likes to watch current news or any health station. She watched live broadcast of queen's burial and she listens to comments from various parts of world about the queen. We normally debate about various educational issues and topics from science to world politics and world geographical locations. We really don't have time for Nigeria movies.

So only full time house wives watch Nigerian movies? I thought Nairalanders said it was Telemundo ?


@Fred166 I laughed throughout your post, a lot of those Africa magic Nigerian movies are wack very very wack.
Sometimes I feel they are insulting the intelligence of the viewers.

There are good Nigerian movies though, watched some recently and I was impressed, the one I am targeting next is 'Anikulapo' by Kunle Afolayan his movies are top notch. I know I won't be disappointed and I love culture inclined movies.

Some I have watched in recent times that makes sense
Breaded life
A Naija Christmas
Meet the kujos is quite okay too


You can recommend/download some for her.

CheapHomes1:
There's hope for this your banana. What of this one?

This one is a serious case, it actually landed in your compound by itself

Reminds me of this comprehension passage in senior English project 'the law is an ass'


There's a lime tree in my compound that spills over at the backyard, they always pluck the fruits well I have no problem with that after all they also sweep the leaves that shed into their compound, now they planted this long legume like tomato and it twined on the lime bringing most of the fruits here, the thing is just ripening and spoiling, when they are ready they will come knock the gate to get their fruits because I know they can see it from their compound.

When I planted my ugu it twined on the lime tree but didn't spill over but they carried ladder and tried to stretch their hand to pluck it, I warned them sternly.

Some also use ladder to pluck bitter leaf that grew above fence.


So for this banana, you can inform them, they most likely know anyway.

Mile 2 abi? They are always there with loud speakers.

I just wonder how their parents that are aware are not scared of whatever drugs their children are being given to make their Tommy big.

Tell your cousin oo, that boy has been watching things either on TV or live.

Tell her.

Divay22:
Sometimes after you're done pouring the hot water, just don't stir immediately..
Cover it to allow the heat do the work too.

Thats one solid trick for making pap

Pap making is a skill on its own.

It's either you know how to make it or you don't.

Brown pap( jero) will almost never cook well with ordinary boiling water except you put on low heat.

White and yellow corn are perfect with boiling water only.

You think he's all these Gen z year 2000 upward born children that think they are to big to run errands for their parents.

You couldn't even collect the money from popsie to buy it abi?