₦airaland Forum

Seems the man has some mental health wahala.

This poster sef needs help she's clearly frustrated by the husband's issue, she also seems stressed from caring for the disabled child. Even from the write up it can be felt.

You guys are abroad, you have access to all the mental health people the only problem is trying to convince him to get help. You also need some help too.

iykofias:
nothing wrong in insulting a rowdy customer back, the English word is ‘tit for tat’. Some customers are not always right.

Actually it’s the responsibility of the buyer to get their goods to their destination, except the transaction included delivery which is agreed by both parties.

I actually had to point out he was insulted first by the customer.

The issue needed to be settled which he has done by refunding to prevent unnecessary back and forth,hopefully he chooses a more convenient method of getting goods to customers.

babavik:
Please if possible you can make a thread on how to make Tombrown.
Thanks

https://www.nairaland.com/971395/new-born-babies-u-new/1298#62300796

You can follow that recipe.

FutureFocus:
Actually I saw missed calls, I quickly picked the call and as soon as I answered, you started with F words callling me silly and I gave it back to you as well, I have to be honest, but immediately asked you were you were and but you ignored.

You didn’t mentioned that I keep calling you back , rushed to the junction but you refused to answer your calls



.

Okay so he insulted you with F words and you insulted him back.




Find a way for it to get to him and if he's not interested again kindly refund. JUST Let the matter drop shikena.

Na God dey help person.

For morning children cereals, I make tombrown (soya, gero, groundut, corn) the main cereal for the children, cornflakes and amazing day is a back up not the main cereal the adults also take the tombrown sometimes.

I switched from full cream to skim milk miksi, it's cheaper, still better than no milk at all.

For washing plates
Liquid soap, made 5 liters for 1k, the thing dinot foam well like morning fresh also tried buying kogi soap( they said 3 large ones 500) I say kogi soap this costly? I maintained the local liquid soap jeje

Detergent I buy in carton to save small 10tenten kobo here and there.


No wastage of food at all at all.


The Mata just Taya persin.

efficiencie:
. Second, you must ready yourself to train your wife and teach her the manners she didnt learn. Stop eating her food and start eating out. Two, if you have a personal room change the locks and keep it to yourself. Anytime you are tired and need to rest go to that room. Install soundproof doors and windows in that room. Maintain a routine that is suitable for your health. Stop reacting to her shenanigans. If she misbehaves just ignore her. Maintain the aforementioned for some days to stabilise your health. Next when you wake up, wake your wife up as well. Get a loud alarm that is as loud as a siren and set it to the appropriate time. When you wake every other person must wake. Give her an timetable concerning when she is expected to cook and take care of the house. If she rebels cutoff your funding and employ a cook to cook your meals alone (if you don't want to eat out)...if she rebels even more then report her to her parents. If she rebels even more report her to her pastor or respected persons and if she rebels still, o boy, run ohhh na die you dey ohhh!

Oshey Mr soldier, commando



Nairalanders no go kill person with laugh. Lool at alarm loud as a siren.

cococandy:
It’s actually not a bad schedule if it works for the person who applies it. I mean from 12noon-5pm she’s basically doing her own stuff (resting, movies, whatever she likes). That would be nice if attainable .

However it’s a bit unrealistic from a parent point of view. Nobody who has a toddler has 5 hours of absolutely free time in a day unless someone else is handling the child care. Not to mention he allocated one hour cooking. Realistically it takes more time than that to make stuff from scratch

Thank you, very unrealistic.

I doubt this can even happen in Nigeria

Lool at 'can you take a breather' ' is there anything you want to talk about'

ogub:
I 'll disagree on him getting her a maid cause I really don't see much work since she's a home stay mum for now what I'll suggest is you keep talking and encourage her that she can do more.

Yeah right, being a SAHM is not much work according to Nairalanders.

Militant1:
I will try to be brief and straight to the point.




I fully understand stay at home is not easy and I help her when.

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

I throw the trash every day
Na me dey go market buy foodstuff
On weekends I clean the house
I wash my all my clothes
I provide all the finance in the house
I satisfy her on the bed when we naka. She begs me that she's tired
I buy her gifts, drop 3k for her everyday
Why should we have a house help when she is a stat at home mum (for now)

So what's the problem..


Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

Oga this your schedule no go work, time tables do not work when dealing with toddlers. I was just laughing reading your timetable. Nacking everyday . Welcome to parenthood 101. Sometimes mothers plan with a schedule but it just doesn't work, toddlers are very unpredictable, it's the time you want to rest they want to play. Its when you are all set for church or school one will want to poo or wee.

The issue now is cartoon seems to be a mechanism some mothers use to cope nowadays its not healthy but it gives some mothers time to do some chores when they are watching baby shark



Two things you should ensure,

1. Try and eat early so you would sleep early let her understand how eating early translates to sleeping early and waking early to a productive day means for you. She should try adjust the timing of cooking. Your sanity and health is very important to cope with the Lagos craze, understand that even your wife would also want to sleep early but she can't until the kids sleep.

2. Once you want the children to sleep, when they have rested after meal, switch off the lights from the change over switch. The whole house should be dark. Those little beings can be very smart, once there's light they will be shaking their little bomboms round the whole house. Once it's dark they will sleep, just put on small not bright Rechargable in the room and one of you guys stay with them they will sleep off sooner.

I believe those are the two major issues, as for Nacking everyday bros forget am e no go happen.

You also have the impression that a stay at home mum does not need a help, very wrong. Understand that the only time she can get some sleep/rest is if both kids are sleeping, one has to watch little children and never leave them unattended to.

If you guys can afford to, get someone to come in to do the cleaning/help once or twice weekly, she will have more time for Nacking


Now to your questions

Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Yes with the everyday Nacking part, also schedules almost never work with toddlers, in their creche it will but at home their comfort zone I don't think so. Your demands are okay with eating and sleeping early but these kids ehn

Kitchen no dey close oo, baby might want to drink tea by 2am. bedtime depends on a whole lot of factors, it can be as early as 9-10pm and as late as 1 am.

Most times a lot of mothers are still awake by that time.

Not totally

sokeril:
That’s exactly what the husband is proposing, for him to come and visit in a while and for her to come over too during her leave.
But madam is saying no,he must relocate permanently

And since Oga doesn't want to relocate permanently God will help them nigbayen.

Congrats OP. It happens.

I am just concerned your wife's body might not have recovered fully from the first pregnancy.

You guys will be fine

Two major issues here.

1.Her threats of divorce / abortion, the matter no reach that level

2. His profession law, will he go through law school again over there? Its not like he's an accountant or something.

His legal profession is an issue a very big issue, the man knows it even the wife knows so why the threats.

Not everybody is freaked with relocation, some are content where they are, I am also not a fan of couples living continents apart, especially young marriages like this but there should be ways around this.

She knew this was a possibility that they might end up living apart when she decided to travel especially when the husband was not in total support so why the threats, Since he's not the one pressuring her to come home, she should just calm down and have her baby, and the hubby comes to visit once a while, she too comes visit once a while. They are blessed with two children already, it has happened already she should make the most of it.

The reality is abroad is (or might be) good for her as a nurse but might not be the best for her husband with a nigerian law degree until he can practice abroad.


I once had an older cousin who had a friend whose husband lived in the UK, he used to come home every now and then to see his wife, she was a top banker then( that was when Nigeria was very good anyway)as young as I was I always wondered how they cope.

Lots of families are being separated by the relocation frenzy going up and down.

I remember those days when igando ikotun road was terrible, we used to go pass through governor's road sometimes just to get to ikotun (that one was still a bit manageable)

Lamanii22:
I guess I am the only one lol, I don’t think I ever want to learn how to drive a car, it scares me to death…. Maybe in another state not Lagos….

You don't need to be scared, just get a good tutor you would be fine.

I understand your fear of driving in Lagos, there's a level of craze needed to survive here. Just be driving your own jeje.

You would be fine.

Blessedmercy8:
God bless you! You're not wrong in all you've said. In fact, you just described this woman perfectly.

Do you know, as at 5 years ago I was giving her for 900, this woman was selling at 1500 yet she'll complain like she's not making anything until one of the teachers who has a son in the school opened up to me that she sells to them at 1500 which I don't have a problem with but if I try to increase, she'll tender big big complains here and there. Hian!

If I sell at old rate, I might be making only 250 per copy from her end.
What do you think? Is 250 ok? And this one that they have banned okada so,,? Conveying will now be war. Abi na Uber I go come dey use transport books again. Heheeeee... E don happen.

It depends, if you are selling a reasonable quantity and you will get your cash on time you can do it to keep her as a customer but whatever you do Do Not sell the books to her at a loss, you must have profit, even if it's small.

Now that your running cost has increased with the Okada ban, calculate your self well oo

Schools have started giving bills.


The major issue is a lot of schools sell the books around double the price to parents, the woman might still be able to buy from you at the new price increase of 250 and still make good profit but possibly she has calculated how much she would get and it's not up to her target and she can't tell parents a new price ( I may be wrong though).

The producers and the distributors make the lowest profit on each book but since it's in volume the overall profit might be a bit decent. it's the school's that make the most profit, and they will tell you you can't buy outside.

My mum sold books to schools back then, I know their way, my friend also distributes to schools presently and I know how much those same books are sold to me as a parent.

Lots of school owners are greedy, They make the most money off books not the producers or the distributors, Not saying they shouldnt make profit but lots of them are ripping parents off that's why they dare not give lists of books these days the most annoying part is they would go for the ones that it's not to be sold in book shops only by the distributors, all are gimmicks to prevent parents from buying the books themselves.

We sha went to school and we know how our parents bought textbooks.


You can sell to her at old price, if you would still get a decent profit, if not forget her school this year, it's not like they do consider parents too, it's all about how much she will make.

Mtchew, so it was robbers that beat her up abi what.? people would have to start installing CCtVs.

I was wondering what suicide feeding was when I saw the topic.

Congrats OP, big congrats ooo happy for your family.



Never force fed any of my babies, never will.


Even picky eaters will always eat something lastlast

If the baby doesn't eat amala he will eat moimoi nau, these children don't even need to o much food, small quantity of nutrient dense foods and they are okay a bite here a bite there.

Chidiesta:
Thank you so much everyone for your advice and support , my baby is girl is now with my friend I felt so good to see her on video call and I cry at the same time when she said she missed me so much and she want me to come and pick her up. I couldn't hold my tears I miss her so much and I pray that I get my papers very soon so I can work hard for her to join me here. I can finally sleep with my eyes closed knowing that my daughter will not suffer again in my sister house. God bless you all

Congratulations maam.

Ehya your baby misses her mum

Amen to your prayer, hope you do get your papers very soon.

That 'Mille marquis' I actually used to sing it as 'orile magi'

Been laughing since.

So it was not a Naija song?

The wangerewa means you are crazy?

You can use acid, the plumbers know which ones used.

Thats how I took hypo to one apartment we rented like that Chai hypo did nothing as strong as it is, some tenants are terrible sha white and blue kitchen tiles turned layered black the landlords Wifey was telling me she had even washed the one her strength could carry.

Asked the plumber if he knew what would work he said there's a chemical they use, I think it was acid, last last he cleaned the tiles with the chemical, I had to pay him to do it, that was the only thing that worked, some was poured in the toilet bowl, it all peeled off. I am almost certain it was acid.

Terrible people everywhere

shawante:
Unless it's blending my destiny for better I ain't buying no blender for that ridiculous amount.. Not even quarter of it

Loool okay.

Chidiesta:
Thank you , I feel like he will not call because ysday he asked me to call at 7pm and I called he didn't pick up until this morning. If he doesn't I will call him again

Welcome sis.

Chidiesta:
She still hasn't pick up my calls but she is busy posting status on WhatsApp, i tried to call my in law again he pick and said my sister is not ready to speak with me because I disrespected her last time we spoke. I told him if she doesn't want to talk to me she should release my daughter he said he will call me back at 3pm I am waiting for his call

SMH - blood is thicker than water indeed.

You had not even fully told them about removing your daughter before all this

Let's hope your inlaw calls by 3pm.

Stay strong.

Possibly there was an error from the labs end but the lab technician did the right thing based on the supposed result by referring you to the health workers at the health center, they tested and saw it was negative.

I believe what you should question is the error from the lab, not the lab technician himself.

shawante:
200k for blender.. Are you kidding me?

No she's not kidding

Yeah ninja blenders are quite expensive and high quality, new ones for this spec should be up to that amount stated thanks to dollar rate now.

There are ways to dress for different occasions/ functions, earrings /outfits you wear to a party/wedding / club might not be appropriate for a solemn gathering or even church.

These are things that are taught from little, Infact there's a way you will laugh as a lady that the much older generation will say you are laughing like ashawo.

There's a level of comportment expected at some peculiar locations, you can't just be doing anyhow.


So basically your dad is right, you too wear a normal earring when going to church.
I just wonder how young people now find it hard to listen to their parents.

My own is why would you say Mr righteousness shouldn't comment.

Anybody has a right to comment nau.

Oluneutral:
The man has pushed that woman to the extreme and the woman doesn't want to develop HBP on top his matter, as a result, she decided to give him peace that is laced with war.


Marriage..... Hhhhmmmm, it is well.

peace that is laced with war.

She can't come and kill herself.

But you guys are living together and have two kids already without being properly married.

Let him collect list and do the right thing joor, shame no catch that your friend ni, anyway its the woman I blame, 2 kids no dowry payment Nawa oo, someone wants his elder bro to do the right thing now he knows he doesn't have money, he didn't know there was no money money when he was sleeping with her and they produced 2 kids.

Abegiii let the bro buy the things on the list and they make the union official.

Sominablack:
Update:

I finally summed up courage and went to see my little daughter. My little daughter is well and doing fine of course I have been sending upkeep before now.

However, her mum is not looking as good as when she was with me. After a brief stay and discussion with my little daughter, I decided to take her out to buy some ice cream. Her mother opted to go with us too and in the process we had a heart to heart talk at the eatery. Guess what? Once again she told me i am not the issue that she does not have problem with me that she s gathering herself and that her father had disowned her because of me( they are angry with her for her negative actions towards me)

She told me to go and meet with her family in villa and settle with them since we first went there for a meeting, that I should tell them she does not have issues with me.

My response to her was that she has to tell her family herself that she does not have issues with me and that we have reconciled and not me telling them since she painted a wrong picture of me before them during the initial meeting their villa.

However I made some efforts to reach her fathers elders brother who she always confide in since she claimed not to be in good term with her own father. Response was that she herself has to inform them (her own family)she has no issue with me and that we have reconciled.

She agreed to do so ( communicate her family) but told me to assist her fix up the shop she newly rented for her business through a loan she collected and that when she will tell them about the launch of the shop she will use the opportunity to inform her family I assisted her and that we have reconciled.

I then told her that we have to get things right by truly reconciling with family involvement in the reconciliation process and every other thing will fall in line including the shop but she is insisting I fix up the shop first.

I also told her that since she will be visiting her villa soon to deliver some business good to a relation she should use the opportunity to inform her family that she does not have issue with me but the visit was not the right time to inform them as she may come back that day or pass a night and may not want much people to know she was around in villa.

I told her she does not care about my needs and feelings all these while she has been away despite my efforts but she wants me to do her own bidding. She then said I was giving her condition before helping her.

Men and brethren am not finding her idea of fixing her shop before she would use it as an opportunity to inform her family funny despite the fact she has opportunity to travel home soon which she can use to tell them.

At this juncture, I need ideas and strategies from experienced and matured minds on how I can go about this with her now. Thanks in advance for your inputs.

The case here is if she does not have any issue with me why is she waiting till I fix her shop before informing her family members.

Sominablack I would advise you this.

Since she has said she doesn't have issues with you and wants the issue resolved so be it.
Does this mean she now loves you? Maybe she has had time to think and appreciates you better now she's been away for 3months, sometimes distance helps. She might just be an immature lady.

That said.

1. Let her tell her family you guys have resolved the issues even if it is informally.

2. After she has told them you guys now have another meeting with the family where you would state that your wife has agreed to come back home to continue living as your wife.

3. I don't get the point of the shop, since she's solving the issues and coming back home why would she need the shop equipped where she is, which I understand is quite far possibly another state from where you are. Whatever business you want to open should be in the area you and your nuclear family lives. You guys should resolve first them move home and open the shop for her.

I hope and pray the resolution goes well.