₦airaland Forum

author=BabaIbo post=112574502]Marriage they say is a beautiful thing but if you ask many men out there what marriage is to them or what marriage has brought to them or will they get married if they are given chances to rewind time, their responses will be in negative form or NO.

That same step(marriage) is the next step to be taken by me but I have one unanswered question. I am a young man in my 30s, currently free from any dating relationship and about to begin my search for a life partner, but I like being cleared/well-informed about something before going into it.

Pardon me for this long note I am about to dish out and the question I will be asking at the end.

For sometimes now, people around me have been telling me I am next in line to get married, some telling me to ensure I bring a responsible lady home and all that.
My mom do tell me she won't rush me to get married but as an observant person you will notice she really wants me to bring a woman(wife) home.

My dad told me sometimes ago that if I don't have a lady, that maybe they should search for a young good girl for me early next year.
My younger ones are expecting me to take that step so they can start planning on theirs and all that.

All these are for their own good or benefits, I am not saying they don't deserve it but I have been trying to get a tangible reason to get married i.e what is the SPECIAL thing(benefit) it will add to my life, I am the one getting married not them.
"Na me wan wear the shoe."

A bikeman, popularly known as Okadaman that do come to my place told me story about himself and big opportunities that marriage has made him miss.

In addition to his words and those I have heard from others, the fear of things going south, disappearance of peace of mind and all that are other factors.

Presumed(anticipated) benefits which are not as they are expected to be again are)

CHILDREN: Children can be gotten without marriage, for example: C. Ronaldo, Mikel, and others did that and they are doing well.

GOOD MEALS: Foods can be gotten from outside or prepared by the man or any other person that is not a wife for the man. Moreover, how many of them can cook well like our mothers? I'm a better cook than most ladies I have come across.

COMPANIONSHIP: That is an overstatement in our present society. It is even more noticeable in dating relationship than in some marriages these days.

SEX: That is the cheapest service/thing to get after air and water(clean water is even more expensive). Moreover many marriages are lacking sexually. It is worse if the man has high sex drive aka high libido.

SUPPORT: I don't want to go there because it is an open fact that instead of getting support, the man is being leached/milked of the one he has.

HOME: I can still remember how some married men will pack their cars at the junction, stay inside their cars for long before driving home, some go to the bar/relaxation centers to chill before going home, some don even like going home. You all know why?

With all these in mind, I want to ask this question that has been bothering me because I need to sort it before taking the step...

Now, my question is "WHAT IS THE BENEFIT OF MARRIAGE TO A MAN IN THIS OUR TIME?"

PS: I used this image because what marriage did to the man in the picture is in the open[/quote]A set up to create more responsibilities for u and limit a man's growth.

It is a necessary evil expected of every man

Once it's fan is connected directly it has over heated in the past.

Once thermostat has been removed, it has over heated in the past

Almost any car driven in Nigeria for 5 years has over heated esp when bought as naija used

Noah9:
Good day Nigerians.

My wife and I had issues sometime around December last year till January this year when she ran to her parent's house to stay without telling me. I know I was at fault, I have gone to apologize several times but she refused to forgive me.

Okay! Hand over my child to me, let me take my responsibility and play my fatherly role in her life, but she refused.

This Sunday may 1st, will make it 5 months I've not set my eyes on my daughter. April 2 was my daughter's 4th birthday, I couldn't even reach her to wish her happy birthday not to talk of sending her money.

It's been 2 months now my wife's phone is switched off. She off her phone purposely because of the way I'm agitating to get my child back.

I've reported to human rights at igando, Lagos State, they called and wrote petition to my wife but she refused to honor it. I also reported to the police and radio FM but they couldn't help me because her phone is switched off since then. I don't know her whereabout, she's no longer in her parents house.

My wife's elder brother who is a lieutenant in the Nigeria Navy is the bread winner in my wife's family, I'm sure he knows her whereabout.

I went to Abuja with my Dad and my people to meet him. He sent us away right from his gate. I felt so embarrassed.

It's 5 months now, but soon it would be counting years Pls Help me. My wife is frustrating me, I can't sleep at night, I'm always thinking and restless, @11pm I'm still in a beer palour drinking my life away. I'm fading away.

All I need is my daughter, if my wife don't want to forgive me.. No problem, but give me my daughter. My wife will contaminate my daughter's mind to hate me if things goes on like this. Please help me.

Nigerians please help me.
Government please help me.

She has moved in with another man and may be pregnant by now.

No one will give u full custody of a girl child at 4

Start planning to remarry and move on.

Stop destroying ur liver with excessive alcohol intake

Sominablack:
Greeting Nairalanders,
My wifes attitude has been unbecoming, disrespectful, avoiding intimacy for months, insultive and always playing the silent treatment which I have learnt to ignore. Her mum visited and confirmed these attitude, she did counsel and advised her to change yet she was reluctant and stated she dont want to continue being a wife that she has lost love and feelings for me because I want things to be done decently and in order in my family which she is opposed to. Having observed this her mum left angrily and told the matter to her husband to confirm some of the issues of my wifes behaviour which I had stressed on and as a result had a family meeting with her family since I was invited not long ago.

Now with the attitude still being displayed by her, her dad asked me to come down to the village by next week so the issue will be discussed in their larger family so that my wife would come and explain to them why she is behaving the way she is doing, but not up to three months we had a meeting and now this one billed for next week again.I dont feel like honouring the meeting because I have done my best to follow peace even though I cannot fathom where I am at fault. At this juncture what do I do?

Just let her go, since she doesn't love u anymore her mind is with someone else.

If u keep her against her will domestic violence may get involved with time n it can end bloodily.

Maxymilliano:
Gunning for a senatorial seat at 70

Its okay huge experience is needed in senate just wrong for executive positions

Corolla

There is a reason Corolla will be way more expensive to purchase

19th position is not possible since she came 3rd as the least for the subjects.

Her worst position should be 4th

EmzyT:
If you have so much at your disposal like you claim to, How many People do you help daily? Hope your neighbours and male counterparts aren't suffering? Well, help her, I really don't see any big deal there though.

But hope you ain't helping her with other motives? Because this one you're trying to bring your Ex closer is like keeping Chicken as a pet, we all know that one day you'll eat it.

He just wants to secure a slaughter house if u know u know

Except u will send them to private university like covenant university, u are wasting ur time invading their privacy. Teach them to take the right decisions always dts the most important

Seredebe:
And isiuzo

I don't support micro-zoning
Any candidate from Enugu East is okay

I stand for zoning in Enugu

Its the turn of Enugu East

Ikeoha should be retired, Enugu is not his father's company

Mumu man

And u are still here with Buhari in charge

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

Spare the rod and spoil the child is a divine injunction

Ajakaiye83:
Pls I need your advice. I am loosing it and I need your advice.

I have 7m cash at hand .should I relocate or build a house with it?
I have a land in ikorodu and ijoko axis with foundation done .

As per relocating,I dont want to go through study route.i dont think I can couple with work and schooling.

Pls advice me

Japa

U will build a much better house in less than 3 yrs abroad

BluntNigerian:
FROM MY INBOX.



..
..
Please He Needs Advice.

U are a stupid man.
How can you be giving transport to a working lady daily from ur insufficient income for the home. Why is she working? Ur HBP is still on entry levels

Redstorm:
I see that a lot of people take pride in addressing or introducing themselves using their job titles, for example like Pharmacist John, Nurse Grace, Builder Idris, Architect Biodun, Barrister Okoye etc, instead of just Mr. X or Mrs. Y. The most annoying is the ubiquitous title Engr. used by every tom, dick and harry who knows just a little about a certain technical vocation.

When I compare this to what obtains abroad (Europe and America) I notice that the only common job titles in use over there are Dr. and Prof. I've seen a full American professor address himself simply as Dr. (something that will never happen in Nigeria). And they are supposed to have more technical know-how than us, right? Yet they don't flaunt their job titles. So why is our own different?

What is wrong with it?

Its part of packaging

Titles are important but make sure you have money too, it's importanter.

Must we do what is done abroad

princeemmma:
aaa my guy just because of slap

Yes I will never touch a woman first but if u try me she will know why u should never touch a Lions tail

She will be thoroughly beaten, I don't tolerate nonsense now

obi58:
Sold sir at 1.6m

Maga don pay, congratulations

There is market price n maga price

Atimjessy:
I just signed up on nairaland today so I can just pour out my mind.
I have been coming to this site for almost a year now because this is where I get latest and trending news.
I live with my brother who cares about me a lot but he has been too strict with me. I FEEL CAGED! Can you imagine I don't have a Facebook account, I can't use WhatsApp, I don't even have a bank account. If someone wants to send me money, I usually use our neighbor's son account.
He monitors my calls and contact list.
I only use e-mail because he said I will be using it for future registrations.
I envy my friends a lot. I'm in my mid-teens.
I am just fed up.

Mid teens dts like 14, u are still a kid until u reach 19 n should be treated like a kid.

Flogging and beating can't even be ruled out to enforce discipline.

Don't worry u will get all the freedom when u become an adult

Focus on ur studies and leave social media.

Avoid boys they will get u pregnant n destroy ur life.

Ur brother loves u, a girl child like u needs serious protection esp those with early develop.

U will see girl of 14 with bo*b n a*s of 18

Cringelife:
It's mid night and heavy rains and I hear the sound of glass breaking and my car horn....

Picked up my phone touch and a stick, ran straight to my dad's room to get the main door key, opened his room door; and boom.....I saw @$@$$#@$$2@#$_@.

The really annoying thing is that I froze for like 3 seconds with touchlight in hands (wasn't with my glasses so really didn't see well) until my mum screamed at me to get out.......I feel so embarrassed and how do I get that image off my head......

It's my bad habit of not knocking before entering that put me in this situation but you can't blame me......am in my 20s and have never seen my Nigerian parents intimate with each other plus I was raised in a semi Deeper Life family so am sure you understand how shocked and embarrassed am currently feeling.

Just had to share this anonymously on Nairaland probably to get it off my chest......

If at 20 u cant deal with it then u are probably a slowpoke, no biggie they have been fucking like rabbits for several years n u are a living evidence.

Thank God they are still fucking now showing they still love themselves.

Sth God approved for them who the hell are u to question it.

They should learn to lock door n u should learn to knock before entering

sheanzy:
With the current hike on prices of every commodity I spend an average of 3k daily on feeding alone

U are wasteful

1500 max

Flat chested, nice couple

NewDadTroubles:
Good morning Nairaland


I'm going to be as explicit as possible and I need professional legal counsel/inputs to the issue stated below. (Pardon all blunders biko)

My wife recently got fed up with her place of work and decided to tender her resignation letter. She happens to be in the teaching profession and we all know what goes on in the private teaching schools (Most anyways).

On Friday the 4th of March which was supposed to be her final day at the school, the school's HM instructed her phone to put her phone on her desk (HM's) on the pretense that it was an open day and didn't want her distracted. She did exactly that and the day went just fine, after which, she dropped all the school's materials/properties with her and left.
On getting home, she went through her phone and discovered that her WhatsApp messages and conversations had been deleted, text messages deleted, all her contacts deleted, and all chats on her phone read. As if that wasn't enough, a few of her contacts called her to tell her they received messages from the school asking what her relationship was with them? Imagine!!!

Moreover, I think it is also good I state the fact that she and the HM haven't been best of friends due to an event that happened sometimes back between both parties. But for her to pick up her phone and go through it, and not just that, but also deleting her chats and wiping off contacts, deleting photos that has to do with the school, that's to the extreme haba!!!

Is there any legal ground to pursue this case or is it me just being emotional hurt that my wife's privacy has been trampled upon and I need to act. What should be my next point of action?

Thanks
NewDadTroubles

So ppl use their phone without pin lock in 2022?

For what

How much has he given to us abi is our condition here not worse than ppl in war zones

kaffy4tope:
You con be opposite of your moniker so sad!

U have not proved otherwise but ranting

2006 comes with some Formica on dash, door, gear parts. Stop fooling yourself

This is 2003/2004

A university professor deserves at least 1m monthly not even up to 2000 USD.

Any lecturer depending only on his salary will be a poor church rat.

aysnoopy:
This is not all about pride.
U don't know me likewise u don't know my struggle. U never know what I've gone through. All u can say is I'm a coward. Well, I won't say I'm brave. Let the brave continue

Suicide is not an option

You are a strong/brave man for being able to marry n pay all marriage rites. Now God blessed u with a son and u want to chicken out just like dt.

Let me not hear suicide from ur mouth again ooo

Ur testimony is next

Stop comparing your life to dt of others (abi mates) it's a sure way to depression.

The Journey of life is different for everyone. There is always someone doing way better

You are just a coward for thinking suicide.

Everyone is suffering in Nigeria now but no one is thinking of giving up talk more of suicide.

If ur son doesn't motivate u to work hard and never give up, then nothing will.

There are alot to do to feed them if pride won't prevent u.

Think of what u can be doing on ur own while waiting for the job.

Mama put is a hot seller
Rice, bean, plantain

Food is a basic need.

Most of them finish selling before 11am

qekng40:
Damn, the funniest thing is Russia hasn't even declared war on Ukraine. what if they do?

Exactly Putin called it military action