₦airaland Forum

@topic,
much as I hate mugabe in power, I feel that the man that is trying to share power with him messed up everything by being greedy. He could have embrace machiavelean philosophy and accept whatever the despot gave him.

He made a big mistake by trying to outshine the master before he get into power. Not only that, he portrayed himself as a weakling whose only support base is in foreign lands.

Even if he is given the presidency, what is the probability that the Army would not overthrow him if he is unwanted? He should learn to mix politics with diplomacy.

I wish him lucks.

@aisha2,
I have been around all the while. Just that I got busy lately. Beside I still read things around here.

Almondjoy is fine. I will send her your greeting. She is busy.

@pataki,
you are very right. I go with that post.

@adam,
In everything you will find only two types of people. The "for" and "against". You can't afford to dance to their opinions. We are men of reason. You have your reason to turn against women and you also have your reason to decide to give it a second thought. I am glad pataki said he has seen thing like that. Same to me. But we made a choice. And the choice made us.

Let me tell you that my passing through the same experience as you did made me study partern of behavior in relationship. Today, I am glad I saw it. Because it made me a better person who can't be caught in such web again. It also made me share with others so they don't fall into error. If you find the positive side of life, you will one day look back and thank God for your life.

Once again, I insist you can change. If you wish to.

Why not let him show you what he want before you plunge into the affair again?

It is wise to know him first before you judge him. If you have daued for 2 years and you still don't understand him, believe me it is either you have been blind or he is hidding his real self from you. I doubt you will ever get to understand him again. Two years is long enough to know something about a man you want to marry.

But everyone seem to have lost a point. What did you mean by he is not showing love or that you are the only one doing the lovey dovey? I am sure you have a definite idea what love mean to you. Perhaps it is gift giving or kissing etc. I would love to know before judging the man.

Cheer

@poster,
do you mind if we ask you questions?

At least we neead to know a few details about you before we jump into conclusion.

Davidylan,
that is a good one.

I hope yar'adua will not be sending people to represent him at the meetings like he did at UN general assembly.

I wish him good luck.

When we complain about them and they keep mute, we lash out at them. When they come to us and asked for our opinion, we lash out on them. How then are we going to find a listening one among them?

I know that it is possible for a man to do wrong. I know it is possible for the man who do wrong to right the wrong. Condemning people because of their past or who they are can't take Nigeria forward. When a man ask for you opinion, the best you can do if you are wiser is to give your frank opinion and not condemn them. A good man today can turn bad tomorrow just as a bad man can turn good tomorrow. It is all part of life.

For once, I expect nairaland to seize the opportunity.

Like it or not, we can't influence the election, but we can influence the people who are ready to listen to us.

Intelligent has nothing to do with sex pls take note. I won't like to expantiate. But it seem you don't understand your own body as a woman too.

The link you gave of the rape cases weren't Nigerian! I want you to give me a dozen cases from Nigeria alone. We are talking of Nigeria. And I want an authorized one.

On self control, well you can't get it. You are not a woman. Maybe you should discuss with those who have seen it for real. One thing I can only tell you, is that Not every man think of the effect of hurting their woman when temptation come calling. What goes on inside him is not necesarily his wife. By the way, have you ever seen or heard of a man crying when he want to disvirgin a young lady? The passion alone would subdue whatever the hurt he feel the lady would get from the act. I think that is the nearest I can go in that.

Take him back, let him change! Take him back he would learn from his lessons! Take him back have pity on him! Blah blah blah!


I have learn to know something: NO MAN OR WOMAN CAN CHANGE A GROWN UP MAN WHOSE HABIT HAD BEEN MOULDED UNLESS THE MAN TRULY WANT TO CHANGE. What is best way to assess this than to look at established traits?

A man who is possessed by jealousy to the point of employing violence to achieve his cause has a psychological problem which need to be solved before marriage.

My candid advice is for the poster to follow the steps below:
1. If he come begging, let him suffer alittle more by refusing to listen to him. If he keep on pestering you, you are in control. If he stop begging then, good riddance. He must show enough remose.
And man that can slap a woman for mere trifle, during courtship will repeat it after marriage. Quote me.

2. When you have had enough, listen to him and let him pour out his heart. This is your time to make a set of rules. Tell him what you expect him to do even if he suspect you. Tell him the truth. Communicate with him. Let him understand you and you understand her.

3. Place him on probation. If he fail again, then quit without looking back! Remember to chat men regularly during the probation. If he can't bear to see you with your male relation or family members then he is a big gamble. Dump him fast while he is hot and find joy elsewhere!

It is nothing! Maybe you should join. When you make me your first friend.

@sistawoman,
what will keep your husband to abide by is vow is SELF CONTROL. I am a man, I know how men's body work. You are not in a position to understand it.

On rape, I do not know where you get the idea that Nigerian men in general call victims of rape liar. But I do know that women find it difficult to believe a man can be forced to have sex with a lady against his wish. It is that mentality that made it hard for you to understand the poster's travail.

So far, we have seen men convicted of raping women. But I have never seen woman convicted of raping or forcing a man to have sex with her! To women folks, men are unfair. Yet, it is men that sometimes fall victim to the rules.

While I agree that some ladies actually lies of being raped, everyone know that it is easy to get a prove when a lady is a victim than when it is the man.

Sentiment apart, generalising without considering the individual case on it merit is a waste of time.

I look at issue base on their evidence. On this matter, the guy had been taken advantaged of. Rather than crucify him, we must look at the fact on ground.

At any rate, that statement doesn't in anyway suggest I want my wife to cheat. Well FYI, i always encourage my female friends to have other guys around them! I never discourage them from having lovers.

You know I am smarter than that. I don't have to commit to a lady who flirt right because I asked her to. I don't even do this kind of nuisance people call date! I have never dated a woman. But I do have very close relationship with many. We live in an ungodly world, so I won't be surprised if some of you find it hard to believe.

In short, I am strange!

Sistawoman,
you got it wrong! Let me illustrate, many men watch blue films, what stop them from running away at the highest level of lust?

The man who think that he must always run away from temptation will sooner discover how foolish he would become when faced with naked reality. I therefore posit that for any man who is manly enough, self control is the best way to show character. Running away will only work for awhile, but would fail when there is no exit route.


Think about it. Would you rather want your husband to run out of his office each time a temptress enter his office or to show self restraint and shame the devil? Running work for a short time. It is never the last solution for a man living in a normal society like ours.

That is great!

Sistawoman,
are u on facebook?

My email ID is on my profile. It is open. IM me and let chat when we can.

You must succeed!

You don't need help. If you said you have just started work. What of your mates at work? What of your boss? How do you intend to get a house within a month?

Look, if you are real, then endure whatever your uncle wife do to you and the move out at the end of the month (since you are sure you can get a house within a month).

You don't have to stay on Island. People come far and wide to work on Island. Get a cheap house around Ikeja. By the way what of your boyfriend? He can help, I am sure.

@poster,
you are not married to him and he is becoming a terror. What if you get marry at last? Your work partners, your business associates etc will be the butt of attack. Maybe he will turn you to a slowpoke. I think it is time for you to take a break! You can deal with him.

Stop calling him. Don't beg him again. Don't even bother to pick his call. Don't take anything from him. If he come to your school, ignore him.

Believe me, he will start begging you again. And if doesn't don't bother. Forget the past and find a better man.

However, if he come begging, accept hin on the condition that he won't be childish again. If after that, he acted stupidly again, please don't hesistate to give him red card. Unless you enjoyed being beaten.

Cheers.

Ogamadam,
you cannot be too sure. One thing I try to do is not to judge people without facts. There was a guy, Adam who was cheated, and he was bold to come to the forum. There have been other guys who had reported cheating girlfriend. There was chatupkay etc. My point: don't judge him that way.

Secondly, I kept emphasising that there is a marked difference between CHEATING and RAPE. So I would want to presume someone innocent until he is found guilty.

At any rate, we can't say because there is evil in the land, we would not look for goods again.

Deep need help and I hope he do the right thing.

Relationship in what way? I don't get you. I define my relationship in many ways. So I need to get you first before I supply answer. By the way, don't forget to tell me why you asked.

How did you know this?

Ogamadam,
now you are talking. I admit ladies can be tempted just as men can. While ladies tempt men with their sexuality, their natural gift to seduced, men tempt ladies by force! It is not everytime a lady see a man chest that she get wet unless she is a secret admirer of that man. You are a woman, do you get wet bx mere looking at a man chest? Pls reply.

That said, temptation is more of feminist thing. But if a man tempt a woman, I will expect her to tell me instead of me finding out. Tellimg me with her own mouth is the only way I would be able to judge her action. Don't worry, I had a sensory perception. I would know if she was lying.

Now, when a woman got raped, what do you think she would do first? Visit hospital and do some tests. That is what I will do. After taken care of my woman, we can then tackle the idiot. Well, in case you forget, men don't get pregnant and women can always take care of the mad unauthorized sperms that found their way in.

I hope I have answered your questions, oga madam?

@adam,
I believes you can change! I read your root, and I know it is possible for you to change and of course find happiness that had long eluded you in love.

Ogamadam,
there is wide difference between cheating and falling into temptation. Tempter and temptress always have selfish motive to force someone to sleep with them. A cheater however engage in free for all sex for whatever reason. He or she would have consented with the accomplice before the deed.

I equates temptation to rape! If you rape someone, you can't force that fellow to marry you. Even if you get pregnant. That is my verdict.

That said, I don't encourage cheating either by man or woman. It is the same. I don't tolerate it. I am lucky to have sharp sense. I would have found you out before I got emotional with you.

Doing a due diligent before falling in love is one task most people avoid to undertake. But with great consequence if things turn awry. I don't love with heart, i loves with my head.

What happened to the poster have happened to 2 or 3 people around me and that is how they solved it.

@deeplo,
I will not call you a cheater. I have given the best advice I can think of if I were you. I also observe I was not the only one who mention it.

Don't marry anyone who foist herself on you. Be wise. Marriage is a difference ball game. You live with her. If she can do that, she would do worse. Take it or leave it.

Talk to your fiance. She is the best to help you out. The worst thing that can happen is that you lose her. Haven't you lose her already? Do you want to mourn forever? No, never!

Accept that you have lost her. Then talk to her and work toward taking her back. If you succeed, you will be glad you did. If you fail, just make sure the temptress don't have a hell of chance in your life.

@sistawoman,
what in my post suggested I want my wife to cheat? Maybe you didn't digest it very well. At any rate, I am tell the guy the home truth. Somehow we tend to shy away from the reality and get emotional.

Look, in real life, I have had a cheating partner and a defector! I have also have a encounters with temptress who was bent on seducing me. I was frank with the last one because she is from good home. I let her played her game. She was near naked begging me to have her. This is what I did. A real life story.:

i asked her what is the trait I have that made me her object of obsession? And she roled out the list. I listened to her while I kept respectable distance from her naked body. Letting her come nearer means letter her get at me. At any rate, keeping her talking like that made me felt as though I was watching a naked mad woman! That kept me focus.

Then I lied to her that someone is pregnant for me. Guess what she said? She said "it doesn't matter!"

i asked her what she will do if she did it and got pregnant, she said "she will bear the baby and bla blah blah". I asked her what if she were to be my lady and I impregnate someone else? She said "it is ok".

I was stunned. I simply took pity on her and gave her my piece of advice. Then I excused myself that I want to pee. I went out and didn't return again! I guess when she got the message, she packed and go.

My former girlfriend once asked me what I will do if another man is riding her. I told her, it is her problem not mine! For asking such foolish question, I know she may have reason. From that moment, I smartly monitored her. When I find out she had been seeing other men, I didn't fight her. Afterall we are not married. I told her she is free to give her body to dogs!

There is no need fighting a woman who is a cheat. I have only one choice. Permanent seperation! She begged and begged. But what can I do?

Once a cheater always a cheater. I was glad I left her!

I won't marry a cheater!

I was conv

@adam,
I am very happy you want to have a change of mind. I am glad you are willing to take a second look. But before then, let us discuss the journey so far. How you get there and how to avoid getting into the trap again. If you are willing, I am willing to go forward.

The first step toward solving any problem is to identify it. You are hurt unfairly in the past. But I can assure you that you can be better than that. You can turn things around for the better.

No one has solution to all problems, but we can cross the redsea if we just have enough will power to sea the stepping stones right before us.

I am waiting for you Adam.

@chatup,
I am very glad you are employing diplomatic means. I am especially happy that you have choosen to talk to her. But it is just the beginning. A new beginning. And if you play your card right, she would be the one fighting to keep you.

My favorite lesson about love was learned from a courtesan. Ninon de lenclos. She was the most infamous courtesan of 17th century.

She said: Have you ever heard of a skillful general, who intends to surprise a citadel, announcing his plam to his enemy? Conceal your purpose and hid your progress; do not disclose the extent of your designs until they cannot be opposed, until the combat is over. Win the victory before you declare the war. In a word, imitate those warlike people whose designs are not know except by the ravaged country through which they have passed."

chatupkay, you do not need to worry about one woman. But you can keep that woman for good if you could just do what is right. Like you are told before, talk to her. Show your love in deed but in your mind LEARN NOT TO COUNT TOO MUCH ON HER. Until you win the battle. Women love their man to be there. They love a caring man. But there is more to them. They hate a weakling. If you show them you are weak, they may just manage for for a while and then dump you when they found a "better man". If you show you are tough, and mean, you may just be seen as an oppresor in waiting! So you can see why women may love you and still dump you?

Way to go. Win her trust. Do everything you can to win her trust. But don't do foolish things. Don't be too possessive. Free yourself of the thought that you can't live without her. Yet should her at every opportunity that you care. There is no contradiction here. Everything is to safeguard your emotion.

Like somebody said above: NEVER APOLOGIZE TO HER WHEN SHE WAS THE WRONG PARTY!

Now what next? More later. I hope we find goodnews in Babylon!

This is the first time Nigerian would be rep will be coming to nairaland to defend his policy. He knew about the criticism and the pains of Nigerian youths. I am especially glad that he show he can stand for himself. Many of our leaders would not dare come around here talkless of identifying themselves.

Let us encourage Dapo, and criticise him if need be. If he win, it may be the first time Nairaland would have a say at National Assembly. This is our chance to make a change. Whatever his father have done, let us look at who he is and not what his father was.

If he get to the office and fail us, we can always know how to get at him since he is among us.

@Dapolam,
what do you think of the pervasive corruption? If you get to the office, what bill would you sponsor that would serve youth interest?

By the grace of corruption!